Law professor Roger Fisher suggested that nuclear launch codes be implanted in a volunteer’s heart. The president would be required to personally take the life of an innocent person before taking the lives of hundreds of millions. (Source)
Our client
has been hiring for several years to type her books for her (they are awful
stories and never get published, so she has to pay a vanity publisher). When we
have sent her draft manuscripts she usually makes handwritten alterations
before sending it back. However, today’s call was the best…
Client: Thank you for
the copy of the book, but I’m in a terrible mess. I’ve made lots of alterations,
but the pages are now out of order and I don’t know which pages should go
where. Me: Have you made the alterations to the manuscript we provided to
you?
The Hoover Dam contains a star map depicting the sky of the Northern Hemisphere as it appeared at the moment that Franklin Roosevelt dedicated the dam. Artist Oskar Hansen imagined that the massive structure might outlive our civilization, and that the map could help future astronomers to calculate the date of its creation. The center star on the map, Alcyone, is the brightest star in the Pleiades, and our sun occupies a position at the center of a flagpole. The whole map traces a complete sidereal revolution of the equinox, a period of 25,694 of our years, and marks the point of the dam’s dedication in that period.
“Man has always sought to express and preserve the magnitude of his exploits in symbols,” Hansen said in 1935. “The written words are symbols arranged so as to preserve in objectified form the thought of man and to record his variant states, both mental and physical. All other arts are similar as to their symbolic significance. They take their place among the category of human endeavor simply as the interpreter of life to itself. They serve as an outer object typifying the inner process. They form the connecting link between the spiritual and the material world. They are the shadows cast by the realities of the soul.”
In case you missed it, thanks to our patreon subscribers, old comics are now getting voteys! If we raise a bit more, I'll increase the rate to 2 a day!
“I would like you to write me an article. Please focus on recent high-profile killings by police, especially of innocent suspects, and any other acts of police brutality you want to include (e.g. beatings). Conclude by saying how bad this is for all of us as a society. Our audience are mostly aged 18-30 so please make it funny.”
Another of these dreams he had used as a basis for ‘Pickman’s Model,’ while still another formed the nucleus for ‘The Call of Cthulhu.’ I referred to this story one day, pronouncing the strange word as though it were spelled K-Thool-Hoo. Lovecraft looked blank for an instant, then corrected me firmly, informing me that the word was pronounced, as nearly as I can put it down in print, K-Lütl-Lütl. I was surprised, and asked why he didn’t spell it that way if such was the pronunciation. He replied in all seriousness that the word was originated by the denizens of his story and that he had only recorded their own way of spelling it. Lovecraft’s own invention had assumed an actual reality in his mind.
— Donald Wandrei, “Lovecraft in Providence,” in Peter Cannon, ed., Lovecraft Remembered, 1998
Client: We have a
project that we are ready to start on now. It is a real estate website running
on WordPress. I am a WordPress
expert for over 13 years, have already installed everything on the server, I
have designed the wireframes, etc, and all I need now is someone who can help
me implement.
Me: I just have one
question for you: how you became a WordPress expert when WordPress first
appeared in 2003?
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