Shared posts

01 Jul 04:00

Strengths and Weaknesses

Do you need me to do a quicksort on the whiteboard or produce a generation of offspring or something? It might take me a bit, but I can do it.
30 Jun 19:22

proud graduates

by kris


alternative first two panels: waking up at 1pm, returning to bed at 8pm.

optional: mom glowering from top of stairs

29 Jun 14:47

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - From Hell's Heart


Hovertext: You know, whales don't even START with legs.

New comic!
Today's News:

We are moving our shipping operation in July. So, for this week only, we are massively discounting old shirt designs! A bunch of awesome shirts are now only $5. Get them while you can! 

29 Jun 20:30


29 Jun 02:27

This past week, four black churches in the south have been burned down, three of those have been confirmed to be arsonists. Fox News has obviously not reported on it, but even the "liberal" CNN and MSNBC haven't. The most major publication that did was Buzzfeed. Anything to say about that?

Our media is racist and lazy and cowardly? Also: mad racist.

27 Jun 16:55

krxs10: Fun Fact for all you skeptics out there:  Police...

by joberholtzer


Fun Fact for all you skeptics out there:  Police killing are getting worse. #Every8Hours is getting dangerously close to becoming more frequent

26 Jun 23:56



• It is still legal in 29 states to fire someone for being gay/bisexual/pansexual/not straight.

• It is still legal in 32 states to fire someone for being trans.

• It is legal in 29 states to evict someone for being queer.

• It is still purposefully difficult for same-sex couples to adopt children.

• Bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, asexual, and demisexual people exist.

• So, you know. It’s not “gay” marriage that was legalized. It’s same-sex marriage that was legalized.

• Queer people (especially minors) are still getting beaten to death and kicked out of their homes.

• Being queer is still illegal in 79 countries.

• Being queer is still punishable by DEATH in 5 countries.

• The fight is far from over.

28 Jun 18:44

Made to Order

by Greg Ross

Divide the number 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,998,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 into 1 and express the result as a decimal expansion, and you’ll find the Fibonacci sequence presented in tidy 24-digit strings:

fibonacci expansion

(Thanks, David.)

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

26 Jun 20:30


25 Jun 23:30

Emoji Bucket Hat

by drew

for you, chelsea

25 Jun 16:50

an energy solution

by kris

mostly for the first paragraph below


walmart, sears, ebay and other nationwide chains have pulled confederate flag items from their listings in response to the sudden revelation that… it… probably shouldn’t be celebrated?? 150 years later it finally sunk in?

i was trying to think of a name for this character but i don’t want to

it’s ok if this is it, he doesn’t need to show up again

25 Jun 20:30


25 Jun 18:00


25 Jun 17:51

Color Scheme

by Greg Ross

Amateur magician Oscar Weigle invented this surprising effect in 1949. Assemble a deck of 20 playing cards, 10 red and 10 black, in strictly alternating colors. Hold this deck under a table. Now turn over the top two cards as one, place them on top, and cut the deck. Repeat this procedure as many times as you like — turn two, cut, turn two, cut. When you’ve finished, the deck will contain an unknown number of reversed cards, distributed randomly.

Now, still holding the deck under the table, shift the top card to the bottom, then turn over the next card and place it on the table. Do this repeatedly — shift a card to the bottom, then reverse the next card and put it on the table — continuing until you’ve put 10 cards on the table. Surprisingly, these cards are sorted by color — the face-up cards are of one color, and the face-down ones are of the other.

You’re still holding 10 cards under the table. Divide these into two stacks and weave them together under the table randomly. Do this as many times as you like — divide the 10 cards into two groups and merge them together however you like, so long as no card is turned upside down. Turn over the packet and shuffle it in the same way a few more times. Give it a final cut if you like.

Now deal these cards out as before: Shift the top card to the bottom, reverse the next card and put it on the table. Like the first group, this one will sort itself by color, with one color face up and the other face down.

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

24 Jun 16:40

Yo, you think the racists are pretend-capitulating about their stupid fucking flag to take attention away from the fact that they're not doing anything about actual racist violence?

Look, if it were a case where the two alternatives were remove the racist Confederate flag from government institutions or do something to curb the epidemic of racist hate perpetrated by white people, then I’d agree with you, but since the actual alternative is “do absolutely nothing, as usual,” this is at least a step. Not a sufficient or even remotely just step, but don’t get caught in the false dichotomy with an alternative that isn’t actually even remotely on the table.

24 Jun 18:11

jurassic world 2

by kris


we’re asking you to come on back to jurassic park and give us another try

the question on everyone’s mind: how can you afford to open another iteration of your consistently doomed dinosaur theme park? well, we found another country willing to fund the development of dinosaurs as weapons.

(it’s paraguay. paraguay is going big-hog on army dinos in 2016)


Q. Are your park employees trained to have a haunted look of panic at all times?
A. maybe

Q. Why was there a live juvenile raptor in my hotel room minibar?
A. we don’t know

Q. I overheard a tour guide casually refer to park-goers as “charcuterie,” is this a term of endearment?
A. if you want

Q. My family and I arrived two days ago, and we are constantly in a state of being eaten. What is your refund policy?
A. ha ha what is that

24 Jun 20:30


23 Jun 20:30


24 Jun 04:00

Scheduling Conflict

Neither a spokesperson for the organization nor the current world champion could be reached for comment.
23 Jun 15:00

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - The Fourth Watch


Hovertext: And I can turn sand into appletinis!

New comic!
Today's News:
23 Jun 00:43

gingerhaze: I GIVE YOU, THE BROSHIP OF THE RING …and Gollum



…and Gollum

23 Jun 00:47

actionables: Because news cameras are apparently only there if...


Because news cameras are apparently only there if looting and protests are mentioned, here are some shots from the march for peace in Charleston yesterday. In case you missed it, thousands marched to Ravenel Bridge, holding hands in prayer and unity. Yet this doesn’t make news, but an interview with the killer’s friend does. all photos from Twitter

22 Jun 19:50

the art of food

by kris


“we may be in america, but we’re going to be respectful and eat sushi right! anyway i’ll have the fried new york steak roll with jalapenos”

20 Jun 20:10

Obscene phone call community action request


Signal boost for a good friend

This morning I received two obscene phone calls at 6 am–as if calling some one that early on a Saturday wasn’t already obscene.
At first I was pissed, but naturally next thought of revenge. If you have had a bad day, need to vent, see a lonely bathroom wall, or have some particularly great/stupid jokes, I encourage you to share them with (415) 240-9147. He’s really into anonymous calls, and didn’t think to block his number.
Let me know how it goes. I hope that this might prevent him from doing this to other women. Trying to think of other creative ways to stand up to harassment, not just ignoring it and hoping it will go away.

22 Jun 00:05

sarahgreenillustration: I’ve been seeing way too much coverage...


I’ve been seeing way too much coverage of the terrorist rather than of the victims, which isn’t right, so I made this. Went more realistic to get more of a resemblance, and all information is based off what I could find on the internet. Hopefully it’s all accurate, if something isn’t, please tell me. 

Such a horrible event. RIP. 

18 Jun 21:12

watch for the signs of love

by kris


  • face drooping – does one side of the face droop or feel numb? if the person smiles, is the smile uneven?
  • arm weakness – does one arm feel numb, or weak? ask the person to raise both arms – does one arm droop?
  • speech difficulty – is the person’s speech slurred or difficult to understand?
  • time to call 9-1-1 – if someone shows these symptoms, call 9-1-1, even if the symptoms begin to go away. the person needs medical attention. mark the time when the symptoms first began


28-200retina This week on 28 Plays Later, Paul and I cover stuff from E3 that excites us! Plus, I share a cunning plan to procure a WiiU, involving the murder of someone who owns a WiiU. I guess that was the whole plan.Thanks to the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra, our sponsor for this episode — tickets are now available for Back to the Future: Live in Concert! Watch Back to the Future while the MSO performs the score live! Plus a new arrangement from composer Alan Silvestri?! Why don’t I live in Melbourne??
19 Jun 04:00


Instead of bobcat, package contained chair.
20 Jun 16:41

The SOME of All Fears

by Justin Pierce

Wonderella is live via satellite from a 1970s newsroom backdrop.

22 Jun 12:48

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Oh no.


Hovertext: It's so nice how all cute life forms are immortal!

New comic!
Today's News:
22 Jun 04:00


Anyway, we should totally go watch a video story or put some food in our normal mouths!