Shared posts

02 Oct 08:30

flyartproductions: The laughing cavalier is straight off the...


The laughing cavalier is straight off the Roc

Laughing Cavalier (1624), Frans Hals / Dirt Off Your Shoulder, Jay Z

01 Oct 16:32

a fresh innovation

by kris


there’s a startup called peeple that’s making the rounds online, calling itself “yelp for people.” you can review people — and if you know their phone number you can start a peeple account in their name, without their permission

but don’t worry, only positive reviews of you show up online instantly. if someone writes a nasty review about you, you get a text about it, and you can go dispute it! which is exactly what you wanted to do with your day

plus, there’s nothing preventing me from giving my ex a 10/10 rating, just to get my negative text about them posted and indexed by search engines along with their name

the comments about the service are overwhelmingly negative, saying “we don’t need or want to participate in this product” — but the peeple admins are deleting many of those from their facebook page

that seems like a nice feature

30 Sep 21:33

Isn't it nice that we live in a world where the pope and a protestant can get together and be all mutual over how icky gay people are?

I told you suckers, that asshole is only good for a pope.

29 Sep 20:30


23 Sep 18:47

A Narrowing Window

by Greg Ross

In 2006 I noted this excerpt from Lillie de Hagermann-Lindencrone’s 1912 book In the Courts of Memory:

I sang, and thought I sang very well; but he just looked up into my face with a very quizzical expression, and said, ‘How long have you been singing, Mademoiselle?’

The bolded section is a “pangrammatic window,” a string of naturally occurring text that contains all the letters of the (English) alphabet. This one is 56 letters long.

That was nine years ago. Can we do better? In 2012 a 42-letter example was discovered in Piers Anthony’s novel Cube Route:

‘We are all from Xanth,’ Cube said quickly. ‘Just visiting Phaze. We just want to find the dragon.’

Last year, Jesse Sheidlower wrote a bot that retweets pangrams that it finds on Twitter. Inspired by this, Google software engineer Malcolm Rowe set out to search first Project Gutenberg and then the web for the shortest possible window. Remarkably, he found one of only 36 letters, in a review of the film Magnolia by Todd Ramlow, for PopMatters:

Further, fractal geometries are replicated on a human level in the production of certain ‘types’ of subjectivity: for example, aging kid quiz show whiz Donnie Smith (William H. Macy) and up and coming kid quiz show whiz Stanley Spector (Jeremy Blackman) are connected (or, perhaps, being cloned) in ways they couldn’t possibly imagine.

(The link seems to be down at the moment.)

“I’m pretty impressed by this result,” Rowe writes. “It’s only one letter longer than “The quick brown fox …”, and while that’s not the shortest possible pangram by far, it is one of the more coherent ones.”

(Thanks, Malcolm.)

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

23 Sep 06:45

Square Routes

by Greg Ross

If you fit Pascal’s triangle into a grid, then each cell displays the number of distinct paths that lead to that cell from the upper left (assuming only rightward and downward movements and no backtracking).

So, above, the cell marked 4 in the second row, fourth column, can be reached in 4 ways: 1-1-1-4, 1-1-3-4, 1-2-3-4, and 1-2-3-4.

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

23 Sep 04:24

is james bond racist?

He’s like the literal personification of imperialism, the fuck you think?

25 Sep 14:20

"Can you make the ‘plus’ sign less religious?"

“Can you make the ‘plus’ sign less religious?”
25 Sep 22:22

saintzitao: name one native american intellectual off the top of your head, name one native...


name one native american intellectual off the top of your head, name one native american actor or actress off the top of your head, name one native american senator, one native american news anchor, or an author or a tv personality or a singer or a poet or a comedian, name a single native american teacher you’ve had, can you? probably not 

ok so now think of one native american cartoon character you know of or a sports team relating to native americans whether it’s their actual name or their team logo, or a town you live in or near with a “native” name bet a lot of these things came to you right away i bet you didn’t even have to think 

needing native representation in media, education and government are not decoy issues, the commercialization and appropriation of native cultures are not decoy issues, the lack of native representation is institutional oppression at work 

26 Sep 14:20

Client: Can you make our website automatically download a virus to client’s computer so the client...

Client: Can you make our website automatically download a virus to client’s computer so the client has to buy our anti-virus?

His anti-virus is a .bat file which “detects” all files with a name like virus.exe, trojan.exe and so on. After I told him “no” he threatened me with a DDOS attack. I haven’t heard from him since.

28 Sep 02:22

baseballcardvandals: THANKS OBAMA.Own this BCV Original.

23 Sep 13:49

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Cross Product


Hovertext: I would be more open to your critique if it were expressed in radians.

New comic!
Today's News:

Thanks for a wonderful BAHFest East, everyone. I've never seen that auditorium so packed! 

24 Sep 14:21

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Subconscious


Hovertext: Also, the T in Tetris is a wiener.

New comic!
Today's News:

Psst. Hey. London. 

25 Sep 04:00

Picture a Grassy Field

Wait, I can fix this. Picture another field. In the middle sits the only creature the first creature is afraid of. Now just-- wait, where did THAT one go?
25 Sep 20:30


22 Sep 14:20

This is from an email where a client’s outlines their idea for a CD cover design:Client: The cover...


i'd buy that album

This is from an email where a client’s outlines their idea for a CD cover design:

Client: The cover Should be a muscular skunk devil pimp like creature throwing accusations of your past crazy life but a glowing peace around the person because they are not what they use to be. I saw a good example on Deviant Art, but That’s not quite it. don’t want female with T and A so all viewers may not get offended.

21 Sep 14:20

As I was doing a daily check of our client’s networks, the connection broke completely. One of our...

As I was doing a daily check of our client’s networks, the connection broke completely.

One of our biggest clients called immediately, because every minute without a working connection is a heavy financial loss for them. We were in red alert mode. It’s not often that everything breaks at once.

While we were looking everywhere, we had to focus on the server room because that was the likely culprit.

A server with 500+ plugged in cables looks like spaghetti. You have to plan and manage it carefully or you make a huge mess and create all sorts of new problems.

I started to investigate the server when I noticed an ethernet cable that looked out of place. I followed it from one port to… the port right next to it. This had created an endless loop for the server, because the server was feeding back into itself. I pulled the cable out and BAM! Everything worked again.

Me: Who did this?

Employee Whose Job Isn’t IT: (guiltily) M-me?

We asked him why he thought plugging a loose cable into a massive server was a good idea.

Employee Whose Job Isn’t IT: I saw this cable lying there, and no one was using it. I saw two free ports and put it in them, so it wouldn’t feel useless.

After a massive facepalm from everyone else at the company we banned him from the server room.

21 Sep 16:02

dr. ken lonely, m.d.

by kris


“here are your x-rays. i’m afraid you should avoid physical activity until this heals — oops, how did two tickets to everest in IMAX 3D get into the frame”

22 Sep 06:24

No Waiting

by Greg Ross

Image: Flickr

For Fuse 18, the experimental typographic publication that appeared in February 2001, type designer Matthew Carter reflected on the grand lettering that appears on public buildings: It’s meant to last for eternity, but inevitably it’s effaced by weather, by other inscriptions, and by the graffiti of vandals.

So, wryly, he offered DeFace, which speeds up the process.

“This typeface,” he wrote, “contains a set of inscriptional capitals that are self-vandalizing: each letter has graffiti associated with it that deface neighboring letters. Depending on the text, the graffiti can vandalize both the underlying capitals and other graffiti to make a palimpsest of marks that are individually legible but obscure in combination.”

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

18 Sep 16:31

In addition to inviting Ahmed to the White House, maybe Obama could also fire all the teachers and cops in that entire terrible racist town?

I don’t think he has the authority to do that.

18 Sep 16:31

I don't follow football but I just learned end zone dances are policed. Without looking up the backstory on this I'm just assuming it has got to be because people complained about seeing happy black dudes on TV.

That’s probably pretty close.

20 Sep 07:35

What is your favorite poorly-defined group of people?

The homies who been holding it down since day one.

18 Sep 17:47

a sleeping pig on a roof still wakes

by kris


he nods to himself quietly. “that sounded good. that sounded pretty real. i’d be comforted.”

20 Sep 12:46

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Genetic Programming


Hovertext: 'Your feelings are stupid' is actually my family motto.

New comic!
Today's News:

Thanks for a wonderful BAHFest, everyone! 

21 Sep 04:00

Travel Ghost

And a different ghost has replaced me in the bedroom.
17 Sep 14:20

The client had a web shop he wanted to have “reactivated” and redesigned. I asked him if he...

The client had a web shop he wanted to have “reactivated” and redesigned. I asked him if he remembered, where he created the site so I could log in and take a look. After I checked the source code I figured out where it was created and asked him to log in.

Client: I forgot the password, can’t you just hack it, or something?

Me: Sorry, but it’s not that easy. If it was, you would have a serious security issue. Why don’t you just click on “Forgot Password”?

Client: I forgot which email I used.

Me: Just try it, it will tell you, if the email isn’t valid.

Client: Wow, found it, but there’s a problem.

Me: What’s the problem?

Client: I forgot the mail-login too, can’t you just hack the mails?

Me: Why don’t you just click on “Forgot Password" first.

Client: Oh, wow you’re so smart!

17 Sep 20:30


16 Sep 19:25

Self-Preservation as Self-Care: How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Self-Preservation as Self-Care: How to Set Healthy Boundaries:

“Consequences aren’t a punishment or an angry thing as many of us have come to know. They are also not empty threats to manipulate the other person. Instead, consequences entail taking heed of a pattern of behavior, using that to inform future interactions and stating what will happen going forward. It might mean you no longer correspond with a person as frequently or not at all, and the relationship changes because their actions communicate a lack of respect.”

great way to define the term “consequences,” which has always seemed vaguely threatening. take care of your self!

16 Sep 23:24


by kris


mr. casio continues to ignore our summons for him to appear in court

14 Sep 18:29

the new hire

by kris


“buh, okay, everyone do prayers silently for the next 30 minutes. then we’ll sing one more of these songs and it’s quittin time”