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29 Aug 20:39

Finally something good on the news #tagging #consent (at Ocean...



Finally something good on the news #tagging #consent (at Ocean Beach, San Francisco)

01 Sep 18:55

Unquote

by Greg Ross

“All my life I wanted to be somebody, but now I see I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

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01 Sep 14:20

A client and I were discussing what kind of image they wanted to use to display the different color...

Hpecker

"Animation, but without the motion."

A client and I were discussing what kind of image they wanted to use to display the different color choices available for their product on a website they’ve been working on.  The website has been in development off and on for almost a year, mostly due to the owner’s inability to make, and stick with, a decision.  

There were a handful of options, and we had initially settled on using a photograph.  Something recently happened to their website designer and so the client came back to me, wanting to work on assets for the site again - specifically focusing on this image and wanting to change it.

Client: I don’t know what video games are made of. Animation, right?

Me: (thrown for a slight loop, hoping the client isn’t going to ask for an animation of their product) Yes?

Client: Well, I want an image like a video game. Animation, but without the motion.

After a moment of baffled silence, I eventually gleaned  that he was meant an illustration, and couldn’t decide between something more cartoony or photo-realistic and rendered. After explaining how long a rendered image would take (not to mention the cost), we decided on something cel-shaded.  

I have a feeling I’ll be dealing with revisions, though.

01 Sep 21:13

like some mr. robot type stuff

by kris

20150901_google

we are going to sell… president obama’s search results… to skynet. can the logo be made out of playing puppies

31 Aug 21:42

The mayor said he wants homeless people off the streets of San Francisco while it hosts the Super Bowl next year. Fuck that guy, seriously.

Ever notice how politicians who want homeless people off the street always mean, like, they want them to somehow disappear/go somewhere else? It’s never like, “I want there to be no homeless people because that shit is a heartbreaking tragedy,” it’s always like, “Literally, I would kill these people if I could.”

31 Aug 22:38

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31 Aug 20:30

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31 Aug 04:00

Car Model Names

CLIMAX is good, but SEXCLIMAX is even better.
29 Aug 16:45

#AllLivesMatterSoIt'sVitallyImportantWeStopEndingAllTheseBlackOnes It's a few more characters, but lets be real, if you were Twatting a Twit starting with #AllLivesMatter, no one really needs the words that were going to follow.

Yeah, might as well go with that shit.

28 Aug 14:26

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Jonah-Moses-Noah

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: More like... rock, paper, SINNERS.


New comic!
Today's News:
28 Aug 20:30

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29 Aug 14:35

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Semantics

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: Seriously, how did you expect this to go?


New comic!
Today's News:
29 Aug 20:30

pleatedjeans: cluster fudge

28 Aug 06:07

Man Handling

by Greg Ross

date

In 1946, sociologist Mirra Komarovsky asked American undergraduate women whether they had “played dumb” on dates. Some of their responses:

  • I am engaged to a southern boy who doesn’t think too much of the woman’s intellect. In spite of myself, I play up to his theories because the less one knows and does, the more he does for you and thinks you “cute” into the bargain. … I allow him to explain things to me in great detail and to treat me as a child in financial matters.
  • When my date said that he considers Ravel’s Bolero the greatest piece of music ever written, I changed the subject because I knew I would talk down to him.
  • One of the nicest techniques is to spell long words incorrectly once in a while. My boyfriend seems to get a great kick out of it and writes back, “Honey, you certainly don’t know how to spell.”
  • Once I went sailing with a man who so obviously enjoyed the role of a protector that I told him I didn’t know how to sail. As it turned out he didn’t either. We got into a tough spot, and I was torn between a desire to get a hold of the boat and a fear to reveal that I had lied to him.
  • I am better in math than my fiancé. But while I let him explain politics to me, we never talk about math even though, being a math major, I could tell him some interesting things.
  • I was once at a work camp. The girls did the same work as the boys. If some girls worked better, the boys resented it fiercely. The director told one capable girl to slow down to keep peace in the group.
  • On dates I always go through the “I-don’t-care-anything-you-want-to-do” routine. It gets monotonous but boys fear girls who make decisions. They think such girls would make nagging wives.
  • I am a natural leader and, when in the company of girls, usually take the lead. That is why I am so active in college activities. But I know that men fear bossy women, and I always have to watch myself on dates not to assume the “executive” role. Once a boy walking to the theater with me took the wrong street. I knew a short cut but kept quiet.

In all, 60 percent said they had “concealed some academic honor, pretended ignorance of some subject, or allowed the man the last word in an intellectual discussion.” “And the funny part of it is that the man, I think, is not always so unsuspecting,” one said. “He may sense the truth and become uneasy in the relation. ‘Where do I stand? Is she laughing up her sleeve or did she mean this praise? Was she really impressed with that little speech of mine or did she only pretend to know nothing about politics?’ And once or twice I felt that the joke was on me: the boy saw through my wiles and felt contempt for me for stooping to such tricks.”

(Mirra Komarovsky, “Cultural Contradictions and Sex Roles,” American Journal of Sociology 52:3 [November 1946], 184-189.)

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27 Aug 19:04

the new outsourcing

by kris

20150827_youchoose

you might get to write our new TOSTINO’S slogan! how would YOU distribute TOSTINO’S tortilla chips to grocery stores? what areas of the country would YOU advertise hardest in? urban areas? rural? YOUR market analysis could help US determine the best avenue of vertical integration for

26 Aug 16:37

RUDE

andrewgibby:

I want a good heart. 

I want it to be made of good stuff.

I want the stained glass window builder

to be my drinking buddy.

I want to drink only the punch

of a million genderqueer school kids

taking free martial arts lessons to survive recess.

I stopped calling myself a pacifist  

when I heard Gandhi told women

they should not physically fight off  their rapists.

I believe there is such a thing as a non-violent fist.

I believe the earth is a woman muzzled, beaten,

tied to the coal slinging tracks.

I believe the muzzled have every right to

rip off the bible belt

and take it to patriarchy’s ass.

I know these words are gonna get me in trouble.

It is never polite to throw back the tear gas.

Just like it’s never polite to bring enough life rafts…

they crowd the balconies where the wealthy shine their jewels,

but sometimes love—sometimes REAL love….is fucking rude.  

throw back the tear gas

26 Aug 18:30

the safe solution

by kris

20150826_guncontrol

“it’ll also help keep bullet costs under control”

26 Aug 20:30

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26 Aug 06:50

Spirit Reading

by Greg Ross

https://www.google.com/patents/US1767820

During Prohibition, an enforcement agent had a tough job: If he infiltrated a speakeasy and ordered a drink to confirm that it was alcoholic. his oral testimony could easily be attacked in court, and, ironically, once he admitted that he drank alcohol regularly then defense attorneys could question his reliability.

Robert Tetro patented this solution in 1930. Instead of drinking your drink, you’d discreetly clip a tube over the rim of the glass, reach into your pocket and squeeze a bulb, drawing off a sample. Then you’d pay your tab and leave. If the sample proved alcoholic then the feds could raid the place, which had no warning that it was under surveillance. And now the authorities had physical proof that alcohol was being served.

In the patent application, Tetro says his invention “has been used to a considerable extent, proving its value.” He was based in Michigan; I don’t know how widely it was used.

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

25 Aug 20:06

If I'm a white man, and I have recently watched and enjoyed a Disney flick, should I keep quiet about how wack it is that Straight Outta Compton leaves out all those women Dre beat up?

Look, there’s nothing wrong with pointing out that Straight Outta Compton is a sanitized sales-job that tries to sweep a ton of problematic shit under the rug… but if you’re giving anything by the Walter Fucking Racist-Ass Disney Corporation easier treatment, then yeah, that’s racist.

25 Aug 19:01

Not from around here, are you, jerk?

by Jessica Hagy

card4679

The post Not from around here, are you, jerk? appeared first on Indexed.

21 Aug 06:20

Hawaii Overprint Notes

by Greg Ross

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:US-$10-FRN-1934-A-Fr.2303.jpg

After the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941, war planners recognized a special threat: If Japan invaded Hawaii, it could seize millions of dollars in U.S. currency from the islands’ people and businesses — currency that would remain valuable since it was indistinguishable from that on the mainland.

They came up with a novel solution: In January 1942 the government recalled all regular paper money on the islands, except for an allowance of $200 per individual and $500 per business. Then it issued new notes stamped with the word HAWAII. Now if Hawaii fell to Japan these “overprinted” notes could be declared worthless.

After the new notes were distributed, citizens were asked to trade in their remaining regular currency. Two hundred million dollars was burned, and between August 1942 and October 1944 Hawaiians were required to conduct their business using the overprinted notes.

Happily, the invasion never came, and after the war the Hawaiian notes were exchanged for regular currency again. Today they’re collectors’ items.

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

25 Aug 14:35

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Super Efficient

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: All telepaths are now employed by high-speed trading firms.


New comic!
Today's News:

 Over half of general admission tickets for BAHFest East have sold out already! You geeks are the best :)

25 Aug 12:40

I was hired to shoot and edit a four minute infomercial for a client’s startup company.  He spent...

I was hired to shoot and edit a four minute infomercial for a client’s startup company.  He spent nearly an hour shouting at the camera, claiming he invented things like Google Glass, Facebook, and touch screen monitors.  He claimed that he’d had all these ideas stolen, but couldn’t afford a high priced lawyer to sue Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, and the others that he claimed ripped him off.

When it came time to edit, he refused to cut anything.  Every time I marked an out-point, he’d shout that it would make me miss what he said next.

I eventually just said he should watch the whole, uncut video and decide what parts should be cut.

 10 minutes go by, and I hear him whispering to himself every now and then. “That’s true.” Or “boy, that’s great.”

Me: This video is an hour long, I thought you said it’s supposed to be four minutes?

Client: (trance broken) But this is all great stuff!  Look, just export it as is and people can just watch the four minutes they like!

I was dumbfounded, but did as he requested.

24 Aug 17:19

a special stock market report

by kris

20150824_money

jim. what’s it like in the big computer library where you are, john?

john. well i see a lot of men with frowns. they’re looking at the numbers come out and they just aren’t good numbers from the looks of it. also there are many old phones and some yelling.

jim. thanks for that special report, john. i certainly don’t like to frown, and i hope the numbers can go better. you’re my best friend. more after these words.

22 Aug 23:41

Dogg, are you gonna go see the new Space Fights?

If there’s one thing I never miss, it’s the adventures of Lewis Starbonkers and the space ship Entterprise.

24 Aug 05:33

themarysue: rottenbrainstuff: nobodybetterhavethisoneoriswear: ...





















themarysue:

rottenbrainstuff:

nobodybetterhavethisoneoriswear:

spookychan:

sizvideos:

Sir Patrick Stewart Loves A Male Kiss

Video

Sir Patrick Stew going in for the hetro male kiss. This is kinda amazing the fact that it tears down all that macho bullshit and is closer to love and compassion of one’s fellow man. 

I love both of these men so much.

Patrick Stewart is one of my favourite people ever.

Sir Patrick totally makes up for all the horseshit Bill Burr spewed on Conan’s show. What a stellar human being.

Make it so.

21 Aug 20:47

from the desk of banksy

by kris

20150821_banksy

i dunno, man, this is some twisted shi… i don’t think the world’s ready for it. better do something more subtle like this sophomore year of art school final project

24 Aug 04:00

Synonym Movies 2

There's also the TV show based on the hit Hot and Cold Music books: Fun With Chairs, Royal Rumble, Knife Blizzard, Breakfast for Birds, and Samba Serpents.
19 Aug 14:37

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Teleportation

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: And it runs entirely on bio-ethanol!


New comic!
Today's News:

Cyanide and Happiness' Kris Wilson will be the keynote speaker for BAHFest West!