Shared posts

23 Nov 00:00

Supreme Court

Writing for the majority, Justice Kennedy called the man's arguments that he could be either Alito or Ginsburg "surprisingly compelling, but ultimately unconvincing."
16 Nov 00:00


The last band of color indicates the snake's tolerance for being held before biting.
22 Jul 13:08

Loving Touches

sleep is dumb

Tonight’s comic is about the kind of love only a cat can give you.

10 Nov 19:14

Take the First Shot With a Han Solo Blaster Flask

by Andrew Liszewski on Toyland, shared by Ria Misra to io9

The folks over at Insignificant Fish Industries run a popular Etsy shop selling geeky merchandise like glowing arcade coin slot belt buckles. But they also just teased this wonderful Han Solo blaster flask on their website that is sure to make them overnight millionaires if they ever start selling it.


29 Oct 16:18

Where men and women like (and hate) to be touched

by Mark Frauenfelder


Your partner can touch you almost anywhere and you won't feel uncomfortable. A friend can touch your head, shoulders, hands, and upper back without ruffling your feathers. Your mother can touch you in the same places a friend can touch you, but she is also welcome to touch your lower back. Your uncle better not try to touch you anywhere but your arms and upper back, and a stranger can only touch your hands without causing you to be alarmed. (more…)

01 Nov 19:04

Reverse trick-or-treating

by Cory Doctorow

It's when you carry a frame and door to someone else's door, while dressed as someone who's staying at home and giving out candy; you interpose your door between you and their door, ring the bell, and when they answer, they're confronted with your door, with a PLEASE KNOCK sign. They knock, you open up, and offer them candy. Trick-airity ensues. (via Reddit)

13 Nov 18:03

Cop who unplugged his cam before killing a 19-year-old girl is rehired

by Cory Doctorow

Screen-Shot-2015-11-12-at-3.16.59-PM (1)

Albuquerque police officer Jeremy Dear was ordered to wear a body-camera after many of the city's residents complained about their encounters with him. Afterward, he routinely failed to plug in the camera. His camera was not running when he shot and killed a 19-year-old girl in 2014. (more…)

28 Oct 05:00

Comic for 2015.10.28

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic
25 Aug 20:21

Exercise Hurts

by The Awkward Yeti
12 Nov 15:49

I mean, if you’re gonna fight a holiday:

by Jessica Hagy
11 Nov 06:11

Hark, A Vagrant: coxcomb

buy this print!

I've been reading this book of manners and enjoying it very much! It is actually pretty progressive for its time.

It's rare you see the scripts flipped like this isn't it? So I ran with that. But poor old fellow, everyone deserves respect and should be allowed to wear what they like without abuse. Isn't that right?

Here's a little postscript for you, for our friend. An alternate ending, if you will.

The store is updated for the holidays! Including PONIES PONIES PONIES! I only really update the store once a year so expect a bigger post on that. A gal's gotta make a livin', eh!

07 Oct 06:55


by Greg Ross

A more efficient medium...

Image: Flickr

We’ve been making things awfully hard on spirits. The standard Ouija board lays out the alphabet in two simple rows, which means it’s easy for the dead to tell us about FEEDERS but terribly hard to refer to LAYAWAY, even though these words are equally long.

In the interests of better communication, Eric Iverson made a study of this for the August 2005 issue of Word Ways. Using an image of a Ouija board, he counted the number of pixels that a planchette would have to travel in order to spell out various English words. The results are dismaying: The most exhausting four-letter word, MAMA, requires fully 17 times as much travel as the simple FEED. Longer words are more consistent: The hardest 23-letter word, DISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM, requires little more work than the easiest, ELECTROENCEPHALOGRAPHIC. But do dead people have that kind of stamina?

What’s the answer? Iverson experimented with different layouts and found a hexagonal grid that minimizes the average travel distance for a typical word (see the link below). And he found a checkerboard grid that’s 3 percent more efficient than that. Even rearranging the letters on a standard board to ZXVGINAROFUPQ JKWCHTESDLMYB rather than the standard alphabet increases efficiency by about a third. Now maybe we can have some better conversations.

(Eric Iverson, “Traveling Around the Ouija Board,” Word Ways 38:3 [August 2005], 174-177.)

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12 Oct 18:16

So to Speak

by Greg Ross

What do these words have in common?


Click for solution …

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

17 Oct 18:13


by Greg Ross

“I can’t recall who first pointed out that the word ‘explain’ means literally to ‘flatten out.'” — Philip Slater

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

26 Oct 18:45

Near and Far

by Greg Ross

More proverbs from around the world:

  • A lover should be regarded as a person demented. (Roman)
  • Great politeness means “I want something.” (Chinese)
  • Large desire is endless poverty. (India)
  • A short rest is always good. (Danish)
  • A stumble is not a fall. (Haitian)
  • Abroad one has a hundred eyes, at home not one. (German)
  • The church is near, but the way is icy; the tavern is far, but I will walk carefully. (Ukrainian)
  • A bully is always a coward. (Spanish)
  • Failure is the source of success. (Japanese)
  • The greater part of humankind is bad. (Greek)
  • The inside is different from the outside. (Korean)
  • You are as many a person as languages you know. (Armenian)
  • By getting angry, you show you are wrong. (Madagascar)
  • Life is a road with a lot of signs. (Jamaican)
  • Old age does not announce itself. (Zulu)
  • Whether small or large, a snake cannot be used as a belt. (Yoruban)
  • He that is too smart is surely done for. (Yiddish)

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

21 Oct 12:17

I love you, Maru-chan.image | twitter | facebook | patreon

I love you, Maru-chan.

image | twitter | facebook | patreon

08 Nov 23:09

awesome-picz: Cats Who Immediately Regretted Their Poor Life...


Cats Who Immediately Regretted Their Poor Life Choices.

06 Nov 00:00


Markets have been rocked by a second day of uncertainty after someone set up a giant Ouija board on the NYSE wall controlled collectively by the movement of the stock tickers.
16 Oct 22:57

Face Off s9: stern werewolf father

by toni

face off s9 - stern werewolf father

The “stern father” character was one of those eliminated this week on Face Off. I really loved the zombie dad idea, but didn’t want to copy it. So, I was originally going for a hard-ass military drill sergeant vampire, but thought I would play around with the basic head shape. It made for an even better werewolf. You know, because he barks orders at the kids. He remembers his own wild days howling at the moon all too well, and doesn’t want them to run with a bad pack.

29 Oct 02:57

Wilde Life - 155


"Complimenting a teen is basically the same as inviting a vampire into your house." [from the comments]

New comic!
Today's News:
15 Oct 22:36

Why there’d better be wine at networking events.

by Jessica Hagy
22 Oct 19:52

“Wish I could be, part of that world.”

by Jessica Hagy
12 Oct 11:33

The hockey-stick from hell: US incarceration per 100,000 people, 1890-today

by Cory Doctorow


Vox parsed out the Bureau of Justice Statistics' numbers on incarceration in prisons (excluding jails) and produced this ghastly visualization tracking the transformaiton of America into the country with the highest rate of incarceration in the history of the world. (more…)

11 Oct 16:42

U of Texas students protest open carry gun law with open carry dildos

by Matthew Williams


Students at the University of Texas at Austin will protest a new law that will allow more guns on campus.

Instead of signs, the students are protesting by "strapping gigantic swinging dildos to our backpacks," which is in violation of the campus' obscenity policy.

Jessica Jin, who set up the Campus (DILDO) Carry event on Facebook, invokes the argument that allowing more guns on campus will make students safe is a fallacy. She's urging students to send campus leaders that message by strapping on the plastic phalluses.

"You're carrying a gun to class? Yeah well I'm carrying a HUGE DILDO," Jin says in the group's description. "Just about as effective at protecting us from sociopathic shooters, but much safer for recreational play."


10 Oct 14:30

Watch a Tyrannosaurus Rex Train for American Ninja Warrior (He's Pretty Good!)

by Lauren Davis

Okay, so it’s actually American Ninja Warrior competitor Reko Rivera in a T-Rex suit. It’s a good thing, too, since those little T-Rex arms would have trouble on the training course.


06 Oct 20:23

Cards Against Humanity & Zach Weinersmith offer full-ride scholarships to women in science

by Cory Doctorow

Applicants need to be US permanent residents or citizens who's attending college in 2016/7. To apply, you'll need to record a short video explaining "a scientific topic you're passionate about." (more…)

06 Oct 14:46

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - The Most American Movie


Hovertext: The most American ballet is PRO WRESTLING.

New comic!
Today's News:

Oh GOD Seattle is almost upon us. There are only about 90 general admin tickets left, so buy soon to lock a spot!


07 Oct 04:21

Ctrl+Alt+Del: Just in case

by (Tim Buckley)

I am constantly trying to shove the cars of asshole drivers off the road with my mind. No luck yet. Probably for the best.

07 Oct 06:44

Let's Speak English - #92 - Hashi Hanashi

New comic!
Today's News:

There are also many rules unrelated to Dead Things, so you should definitely do a google search and read up before eating around locals in Japan! Though obviously some leniency is usually given to us foreigners ;0

Unrelated, it's always kinda weird when I draw zoomed in hands in this comic, since they're so goofy and chibi most of the time xD My typical style hands could not hold them sticks!

01 Oct 07:16

Bad Machinery for October 1st


This is how weddings go, yes?