Hpecker

New bonus comic exclusively at The Nib!

the musical instrument store lol

Client: We’re a water filtration company. We know exactly what we want so that this will be the most creative, and award winning website on the internet. Here is the list:

A roman soldier on the front page with an animated fiery sword. The soldier should occasionally swing the sword. We have 3 different locations he should be, all on the homepage - but don’t worry - the other two are much smaller still versions. Oh and his shield should look like it’s shining (use animation).

Santa on a polar bear walking back and forth across the screen to grab attention. This should go at the bottom of the page.

A dragon-man casting magic spells. This should alternate with Santa.

Heroic music.

A large 3D oval carousel that houses all our 35+ services. This should be on the front page.

An animated globe on the right hand side with animated flags in which we have our locations.

Animated icons for all our technologies that we use. This should be in the center of the page.

An animated facility (our largest one) - it should look like an illustration. Put it behind the carousel. We don’t think it will clash too much with the roman and carousel so it should be ok.

An animated dollar bill with the president holding his hands on his head in shock with the text DON’T PANIC flashing over it.

Please use interesting fonts, ideally 5-6 that look similar to Comic Sans but more playful.

ANY RAND LOL

PS. WAIT BUT YES ALSO

starlingsongs:

maptitude1:

"Walled world" - the uneven distribution of population and wealth worldwide - Theo Deutinger

observe that the hard red lines indicate some of the most heavily policed borders on earth. that’s not an accident.

Whee!

The problem with the Greatest Day of Your Life is that you probably have no idea that it’s happening. Sure, births, weddings, and the occasional five dollars are pretty cool, but there’s no way to know for sure until you can look back on everything on your deathbed. And even then, you might be about to have the most amazing deathbed ever!

In fact, you might be living the greatest day of your life TODAY and you don’t even realize it. Later this afternoon you might discover that the video game you’ve been playing is a secret simulator to determine the world’s champion in defending humanity from giant space crabs. Or a giant space crab will show up at your door and announce that you’re a lottery winner. Or you might run into that giant space crab you had a crush on in high school and you two will discover your true feelings for one another. Basically I don’t know what it’ll be for sure, but I am fairly certain it involves giant space crabs.

So good luck today! Heck, it might even be the WORST day of your life, which would really take the pressure off the other days. Keep those fingers crossed!

wes

Just imagine the meltdown Fox would be having if the race and religion of the shooter and victims were switched. Instead, we’re all worried about Kanye West being “rude.”

Birder William Young notes that hobbyists who look for wild birds tend to identify species as much by their songs and calls as by their plumage. One way to memorize the calls is to translate them into familiar words and phrases. “Just as many people cannot remember lyrics to popular songs without singing the melody,” he writes, “many birders cannot remember bird songs and calls without thinking of mnemonic phrases.” Examples:

White-throated sparrow: Old Sam Peabody Peabody Peabody
Black-throated green warbler: trees, trees, murmuring trees
Black-throated blue warbler: I’m so la-zy
Olive-sided flycatcher: Quick, free beer!
White-eyed vireo: Pick up the beer check quick
Song sparrow: Maids maids maids pick up the tea kettle kettle kettle
American goldfinch: potato chip
Barred owl: Madame, who cooks for you?
Brown pigeon: Didja walk? Didja walk?
American robin: cheerily, cheer-up, cheerily
White-crowned sparrow: Poor JoJo missed his bus
Ovenbird: teacher, TEACHER, TEACHER
Red-eyed vireo: Here I am. Where are you?
Common yellowthroat: Which is it? Which is it? Which is it?
MacLeay’s honeyeater: a free TV
Common potoo: POO-or me, O, O, O, O
Inca dove: no hope
Brown quail: not faair, not faair
Little wattlebird: fetch the gun, fetch the gun

The California quail says Chicago, the long-tailed manakin says Toledo, and the rufous-browed peppershrike says I’M-A-RU-FOUS-PEP-PER-SHRIKE. “Once when I was staying at [birding author Graham Pizzey’s] home, a Willie-wagtail sang outside my bedroom window around 3 A.M. and seemed to say I’m trying to an-NOY you.” Young’s full article appears in the Winter 2003 issue of Verbatim.

Only 36 hours left to get the COOLEST shirt in history!

giraffepoliceforce:

vnicent:

otteroftheworld:

My parents live in this town and the city legally can’t tear the tree down to build or anything because the tree has its own legal rights and they can’t do anything about it.

how does. how does this happen. how DID this happen

I love this story because this guy in the early 1800’s had so many great childhood memories of this tree and wanted to make sure it was protected no matter what. So he deeded the ownership of the tree to itself and everyone just went with it.

Then in 1942 this intense windstorm came and knocked the tree over. And people were bummed. But someone had saved an acorn from the original tree, so they planted that and now Son of the Tree That Owns Itself is over 50 feet tall.

And since this new tree is technically the offspring of the original tree it’s considered to have legally inherited the plot of land it’s inhabiting.

Two generations of trees owning land is amazing and if you don’t think this is the coolest thing get right out of my face.

Trees are people

Share and Enjoy:

Hey hey hey, we’re just going to use this space to say WE APPRECIATE YOU. Okay, back to dick jokes.

Thanks!
Wes + Tony

slow, But if it breaks it comes down
  up
 goes
elevator
  The                            so.

— Yale Record, 1900-1919

bemusedlybespectacled:

muchymozzarella:

pollyguo:

'Because when he saw nature, he didn't see waste. He saw everything had a purpose and everything had a usefulness. Everything could be used again and again and recycled back and forth. And so before we have the R's (before we have recycle, reuse, reduce) that was him. He was organic pre-organic.

When people go “what is important in black history?” they don’t think about the fact that we were up front in saying we cannot have all these chemicals in our food. We don’t get credit for that. Just like we don’t get credit for many things.’ 

- Elandria Williams of the Highlander Research and Education Center

I learned about George Washington Carver at school, but not that he was black, gay, or that he found so many uses for so many crops. 

I knew he was black and had invented 300+ uses for peanuts, but I didn’t know he was gay, or why he invented all those uses for peanuts. I just thought he really liked peanuts.

george washington carver is my favorite george washington.

Announcing!

Michigan Is For Busters would be a great tourism slogan.

#drunkjcrew #valentines @drunkjcrewuguys

BAM

In 1945, the Arkansas legislature passed “An Act to Authorize and Permit Cities of First and Second Class and Incorporated Towns to Vacate Public Streets and Alleys in the Public Interest.” That seems boring enough. But § 8 read as follows:

“All laws and parts of laws, and particularly Act 311 of the Acts of 1941, are hereby repealed.”

With the stroke of a pen they had repealed every law in Arkansas. The state supreme court cleared its throat and ventured an improvement:

“No doubt the legislature meant to repeal all laws in conflict with that act, and, by error of the author or the typist, left out the usual words ‘in conflict herewith,’ which we will imply by necessary construction.”

(Act 17 of 1945 [repl. 1980; now Ark. Stat. § 14-301-301], cited in Antonin Scalia and Bryan Garner, Reading Law, 2012.)

Aries: hope you brought a change of clothes, ‘cause your eyes are about to piss tears.

Taurus: I made my money the old fashioned way: ♪ I got run over by a Lexussssss ♪

Gemini: Tommy T! You just missed the craziest of crazies. clubs. girls. dancing. naked--mom?! argument. fleeing the scene. hiding in a dumpster. coming here. crashing on your couch for a week 'cause ♪technically i'm homeless♪

Cancer: When life gives you lemons, steal your grandma’s jewellery and go clubbin’

Leo: no, no... that's too mu- that's too much responsibility for me. I got- I gotta find a way out of this

Virgo: ♪ she's the wooOOoOorst ♪ she is the worst person in the world

Libra: I guess sometimes I call men 'beautiful', too. I guess that means ♪I'm open-minded as heeeelll♪

Scorpio: live your life like that cow from that video

Sagittarius: ♪K to the N to the O P E she's the dopest little short in all Pawnee, Indiana♪

Capricorn: step one: we buy into this club step two: we roll over to the club either in your mercedes benz which is gorgeous or my pre-owned acura legend which is alright step three: i dagger you on the dance floor just bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce now everybodys watching us

Aquarius: are you do ding-dongs making fake drugs for sophomores, because if true, this guy wants in!

Pisces: ricka ricka ricka ricka! [imitating DJ scratching] [Whispering] Swanson.

If only there was some way for white people to learn about the history of people who look like them.

Voldemort: I invented this cool ass name for myself like seriously I spent forever planning it out to use all the letters and now people won't even say it like really what was even the point wow

easybakedjewoven:

i cant even write with a pencil

Body Talk

Me: I’ve uploaded your video to [transfer service]. It will be automatically deleted in 7 days so make sure you download it before then. 

Every client ever, with no exceptions, one week later…

Client: Hi, the file expired. Can you reupload it? I need it immediately. 

attackonshibe:

flatsound:

apparently there’s an important episode of football on this weekend

i think its the season finale

Hello February.