Starflier

the tooth fairy ain’t a boy scout, he’s got bills to pay like anybody — once in a while, he stumbles on a cache of hot teeth. if a kid needs to “lose” a couple more this month to make the books come out even, what’s it to them? something in it for em, if they can keep their mouths shut

Climate change: the Voldemort of our world. Sort of.

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“i got a lot of ways to rearrange the letters in the alphabet. you could do most- to least-frequently used too, but i feel like the least need to be up in front because it affects ability to memorize the new order. thank you for listening, goodbye”

the planet i made has a lot of interesting geological features. for a very reasonable fee, you can bring a satellite over my house and take all the pics you want. don’t throw your money away when i got a great planet right here priced to move.

technically members of the HPV family, it’s the first example of a virus that has been engineered to deliver a epidermal advertisement. after about seven days, lesions across the trunk spell out “in theaters july 10″

48 hours later, the patient dies

and once you dunk your slice in our hormone-free garlic nacho aioli, you’ll never go back to ordinary corn dog p’zangas

and their thrill-packed worlds of challenge and intrigue and relaxation, and the sum of humanity’s knowledge a few taps away

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“we wish we could do drugs as cool as you. congratulations”