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22 Aug 09:53

Are Rotisserie Chickens a Bargain?

Are Rotisserie Chickens a Bargain?

Rotisserie chickens look amazing.

When you stroll through the supermarket, looking for a dinner that won’t take too much effort and won’t involve a lot of junk food, you’ll see raw chicken breasts and chicken thighs and whole chickens. They are pale and cold, and turning them into roasted chicken or chicken piccata will take time.

But then there are the rotisserie chickens. They are golden and warm and herb-scented and ready to eat. You could grab one off the shelf this very moment. And even though the deli has done all the work, it doesn’t seem more expensive. It seems like an unbelievable bargain. 

Is it any wonder that Americans will buy one billion rotisserie chickens this year, most of those from supermarkets or discount stores with grocery operations? 

The price point of rotisserie chickens has captured consumers’ interest almost as much as the chickens themselves. At a typical supermarket, it might cost $7 or $8, the same as a fresh whole chicken in the refrigerator case. Less, in some stores. And the store pays for the herbs and the heat.

Why is rotisserie chicken so cheap? The Internet is full of posts wondering about this, and positing theories. One goes like this: Rotisserie chickens were about to pass the sell-by date in the refrigerator aisle, and the store recoups most of that money by cooking them. Another that has more credence: They’re a loss leader to bring people into the store to buy other things. To some extent that’s true, though stores don’t generally lose money on them. 

But neither scenario tells the real story.

Which is this: In most stores, the cooked chickens aren’t any cheaper. They just look cheaper. The per-chicken price favors the deli counter, but the per-pound price favors the refrigerator case.

A lot of chicken went into the previous sentences—14 to be exact, one rotisserie, one from the refrigerator case, from seven separate groceries in California, ranging from Costco to Whole Foods to a Middle Eastern market. After being prepared and cooked, the refrigerated chicken almost always weighs significantly more than the rotisserie option.

Our investigation into the rotisserie chicken industry reveals that it’s not as cheap as people believe. But it is a gift to the lazy and rushed.


The Origin Story

Customers can thank Boston Market—which opened its first store in 1985 in Newton, Mass., under the name Boston Chicken—for the modern rotisserie chicken industry.

It was the perfect strike at the perfect time. Baby boomers were just aging into parenthood. These largely two-parent families had no energy to cook after picking the kids up from daycare, but they were more health conscious than the TV-dinner generation. And the low-fat trend was just getting into swing; people had heard about the supposed evils of red meat and were moving toward chicken as their flesh of choice. Customers snapped up chickens from the booming Boston Market chain on the way home from work, along with a couple of prepared side dishes.

But that meant they weren’t making their traditional stops at the supermarket to pick up something for dinner, and the groceries struck back with rotisserie chickens of their own, at lower prices. The idea was that the store might make little to no money on the chicken, but it would profit from the other items shoppers picked up once they were in the store. A product priced in this fashion is known as a “loss leader.” 

The restaurant that started it all. Photo credit: Mike Mozart

Prices on rotisserie chicken have since risen at most supermarkets, but grocery stores still keep prices at a point where they’ll pull in the dinner shoppers, says poultry professor (yes, it’s a thing) Casey Owens Hanning at the University of Arkansas.

And at that, Costco has been that master.

“I can only tell you what history has shown us,” Richard Galanti, Costco’s chief financial officer,  told a financial analyst who asked about the pricing in 2015, according to a report in the Seattle Times. “When others were raising their chicken prices from $4.99 to $5.99, we were willing to eat, if you will, $30 to $40 million a year in gross margin by keeping it at $4.99.”

The discount warehouser sold 76 million rotisserie chickens in fiscal 2014, close to 10% of the retail market at the time. Costco has kept the price of rotisserie chickens at $4.99 for as long as Tom Super, the wonderfully named vice president for communications at the National Chicken Council, can remember. It’s the same philosophy that Costco uses for another big draw: the hot dog and soda that have sold for $1.50 since 1985. For these feats, it gets free publicity of all kinds—like this article. 

And for Costco, pulling in regular shoppers is a little more of a trick than for supermarkets, according to Super. It needs something special to attract shoppers in the late afternoon on weekdays—which is when most people make their dinner plans—because chances are they have to go out of their way to get to Costco and spend more time getting in and out of the store.

“Some of the things you go to Costco for, you don’t need once a week,” Super says. “In order to attract customers more often, they have chicken or hot dogs or the low prices on gasoline. They don’t put the chickens at the front of the store. You have to walk past the blenders and the big-screen TVs. The guy who stops in to buy a rotisserie chicken for a quick, hot meal might walk past the laptops and say, ‘Maybe I’ll go to the Costco to buy a laptop for my son for Christmas.’ ”

But it’s unclear whether your average supermarket, which doesn’t sell laptops and gas, has the same incentive to offer super cheap chicken.

Cheaper but Smaller

It may seem that rotisserie chickens at your local supermarket are—despite all the extra work the deli has done for you—just as cheap as buying raw chicken. But for the most part, they’re not.

How’s that?

Easy. Though it may not seem that way to the consumer’s eye, rotisserie chickens tend to the small side—maybe two to two and a half pounds. The broiler chickens that sell for the same price are more like four and a half pounds. Even after they’ve been cooked—a process that, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, reduces their weight by a little more than 20%—broiler chickens are still much bigger.

To test out whether rotisserie chickens are still a bargain after you account for their size and reduced water weight, we ran an experiment. We visited seven supermarkets and bought a rotisserie chicken and a raw chicken from each. After draining each rotisserie chicken of the fluid that collects in the container, we weighed them. Then we cooked the raw chickens without giblets according to food writer Mark Bittman’s recipe—a little olive oil, salt and pepper, then roasted in a preheated cast-iron pan in a very hot oven for 15 minutes, with the temperature reduced until they were cooked through—and weighed them. 

The goal was to fairly compare the price per pound of each type of chicken, so we added the cost of the oil and seasonings to the overall price of the fresh chicken, as well as the cost of heating the oven and washing up. (Without including the cost of our time, it came to a total of 52 cents.)

For five of the markets, the homemade chickens were cheaper by about a dollar or more per cooked pound. When chicken was on sale—and it goes on sale a lot—the difference was closer to $2 per pound.

The exceptions were two discount markets, Costco and Smart & Final, where rotisserie chickens were cheaper, but not by much. 

Costco, with its famously plump and low-priced rotisserie chicken, showed the largest savings for rotisserie, at 17 cents per pound. Clearly, the chickens are priced to draw customers. 

Smart & Final sent the same message in an even more visceral way. At the store we visited, the rotisserie chickens were the first thing the shopper saw walking in the door, sitting together on a hot table dedicated to their savory scents. A big price sign hung above them.

At the other supermarkets, though, the refrigerated chicken was less expensive by a long shot, and buying an uncooked chicken can offer even greater savings when chicken goes on sale—as was the case when we visited Ralphs, a mainstream supermarket chain owned by Kroger. Fresh Foster Farms chickens were on sale for 88 cents a pound, half the usual price. This meant a 4.5-pound chicken, which normally would have cost $8, the same price as the rotisserie chicken, could be fetched for $4.

Super, at the National Chicken Council, agreed that despite their reputation for cheapness, rotisserie chickens are generally more expensive per pound because they’re significantly smaller. Smaller chickens of uniform size can be counted on to fit better in the rotisserie, where they are turned in batches, and to cook at about the same time. If there’s one thing stores want to avoid, it’s an outbreak of food poisoning because some chickens were bigger than others and thus weren’t fully cooked when they came off the spit.

And that, he says, is also part of why chain stores don’t use older chickens from the grocery. The rotisserie chickens are a different production stream, often from a different producer altogether. In most stores, the chicken company isn’t labeled on rotisserie chickens. Is it a Foster Farms “minimally processed” chicken? Or something cheaper, or possibly (though unlikely) better? The provenance is seldom known, even by the people behind the deli counter.

Rotisserie chickens generally come packaged in containers of eight to 12 chickens, almost always pre-injected, fairly uniform in size, and frequently pre-seasoned, ready to pop into the ovens. Other times, Owens Hanning says, the producers include packages of dry-rub in different seasonings—lemon-pepper is a biggie, along with herb-garlic—for store staff to apply to the chicken skin. It’s a rare store for employees to do the chicken prep from scratch, using their own herbs and seasonings—a fact confirmed by workers behind the counters, who, for the most part, didn’t know what was in or on the chickens. 

Besides, both Super and Owens Hannings say, stores need a pretty large quantity of chickens to rotisserie every day, far more than would be provided by aging-out chickens in the meat department. And any store that can’t sell off its chickens on time, they say, is a troubled operation with bigger problems than what to charge in the deli department.

But there’s more to consider than just the price. Like most rotisserie chickens, Costco’s and Smart & Final’s cooked chickens are injected with water, salt, and some sort of starch or gum like carrageenan. (Others might use a different but similar additive). The water keeps the chicken moist under the hot lights of a warming table; the salt adds flavor and helps retain the water; and the additives also help maintain flavor and keep the water in the chicken.

Some raw chicken is also “enhanced” with injections of salt water, but not Foster Farms, the label carried in the Costco refrigerator case and many others in the West.

How much water are consumers paying for when they’re buying chicken? The labels don’t say, and Costco refused to comment for this article. But poultry professor Owens Hanning says that for this and most rotisserie chicken, consumers can figure on it being about 18%.

Raw Chickens and Rotisserie Chickens: Apples and Oranges?

Rotisserie chicken might not be a huge discount for the consumer, or a loss leader for the store, but it is a pretty good deal for takeout food. It’s certainly the winner if home cooks view their cooking time as money spent. When a cook’s time is included as labor costs in the above calculation, whole chickens become more expensive than rotisserie options. 

As for the rotisserie chickens that sell for more than the raw chicken alternative, Super says, many consumers don’t mind the smaller size. For people who don’t cook, it’s often a plus. They want to finish off the chicken in one night, toss it out, and be done with it; they aren’t people who will turn the leftover meat into chicken salad with apple and pecans the next day. 

In addition, many consumers prefer the preternaturally smooth, soft texture of chicken muscle that’s been injected with salt water, Super says. (Though foodies tend to detest it.) Whole chickens tend to befuddle people who are less than totally comfortable in the kitchen—how do you get it so the thigh joint isn’t red without cooking the breast to the point of sawdust?—and a rotisserie chicken, whatever its shortcomings, is better than they feel up to doing themselves.

For the most part, consumers are not getting the bargain with rotisserie chicken that they think. Mystery solved. But for people in a rush—or who don’t like to cook or hate leftovers—it’s the right item at the right price.

Our next article chronicles how Adolph Spreckels, America's original "sugar daddy," got away with murder. To get notified when we post it    join our email list.

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17 Aug 09:30

Salespeople: Four Steps to Getting What You Need From Engineering

Engineers don’t like salespeople. They see them as tedious, aggressive and lacking in depth. They’re generally wrong; salespeople can be earnest, caring, friendly and genuine. But, when you try to cross the communication chasm between sales and engineering, it’s important to remember you are swimming upstream against a tide of stereotypes.

Engineers

I’ve worked at places where sales was explicitly banned from communicating with engineers. It was believed (probably based on experience) that if sales could communicate directly with the engineering staff they would cajol them to build whatever the latest lead needed. This is a legitimate fear, running a company often means deciding not to build something a lead wants which is not what a salesperson wants to do.

That said, it often is necessary in a small company to do everything you can to make customers and potential customers happy. That requires a line of communication between the people selling and the people building. So how do you get what you need from developers as a salesperson?


Let’s get a few things out of the way right away. The stereotype is that developers are not quite like other people. They don’t care as much for small talk, they like to argue and to be right. Like every stereotype, it just isn’t true for everyone. Many of the developers I know are affable, gregarious and care more about people than arguments. Like any other interpersonal situation, the best bet is always to judge the person you are talking to based on their actions, not your preconceptions.

Let’s take a look at how a request might go:

ACME needs search by Thursday or they’ll churn

There are many things wrong with this communication style.

Don’t make your problem, their problem

This is just a property of dealing with anyone, not just engineers. We all know what our job roles are, and an attempt to pass your responsibilities onto someone else isn’t gonna engender good feelings.

ACME needs search by Thursday or they’ll churn. That’s $20k in monthly revenue which would be a big deal for the company.

Development priorities are generally set somewhere near the top of the company, not by any individual developer. Similarily, development work takes time, even if something might not be done yet, there may be some very good technical reasons it’s taking so long. If something didn’t get done, it’s likely that was the fault of the priorities set from on-high, not the developer you’re talking to.

A better course is to ask for help:

ACME needs search by Thursday or they’ll churn. That’s $20k in monthly revenue which would be a big deal for me. I know it’s not your fault or your problem, but if you can help at all I would really appreciate it.

Realize What You’re Asking For

Engineers

If you need something done, it means other work won’t get done. That means the big task set by the CTO may not happen this week. Or, worse, it might mean you are asking a developer to stay late, missing out on their families and hobbies. This might seem like a reasonable price to demand for the success of the company, but remember that overworking has very real costs. It lowers productivity in the future, and it takes a toll on our lives. It’s also a great way to lose developers to other companies who show them more respect.

Explain The Business & Customer Value

Developers want to create good software. They want to solve user’s problems, and they want the business to succeed. In the modern world however it is a sad fact that many companies don’t do a great job of communicating the business’s day-to-day with its developers. Developers are generally smart and interested, they are capable of understanding what is going on if it’s explained, and it’s likely they’ll agree with the need to get this task done. Explaining the bigger picture is the absolute best way to get developers to work hard for you:

We’re working hard to make a really aggressive sales target this quarter. It’s not easy, but if we can manage it it will really help us raise our next round of funding. I know it’s crazy, but ACME said if we can’t get search done by Thursday they’ll cancel. I know it’s not your fault but do you think we can make it happen?

Empathize

The last example included two new elements: “I know it’s crazy” and “do you think we can make it happen?”.

“I know it’s crazy” shows that you understand that the idea that a couple frantic days of development should be required is not the norm. That’s important because developers are often used to other parts of the organization not understanding that there are limited resources and it’s not always possible to drop everything to put out the latest fire.

“do you think we can make it happen?” shows that you respect the developer’s opinion as a contributor to the companies success. You aren’t giving an order or a demand, you are explaining a serious situation to a coworker and asking for their input and help.

When you ask that question the developer may say “no, I don’t think we can get it done.” That is not a bad response! Would you rather find that out now, or when the deadline has come and gone? Also, it gives you a chance to brainstorm and find out if maybe something simpler can get done which will satisfy the customer.

I’ll be the first to admit that being a software engineer can be one of the cushyiest gigs ever to exist. That said, it also comes with the stress of any job, including that of having to deal with many people who want many different things and who don’t understand the work involved in any of them. Empathy to that challenge can get you very far.

Explain The Problem, Not Just The Task

Brooklyn Bridge

Engineers solve problems. You don’t ‘build a bridge over the Hudson’, you find the best way to meet the current river-crossing traffic demands which balances cost, building time, reliability, traffic on the river and a thousand other factors. An engineer familiar with your product will have many of those constraints in their mind. If you just ask for the first solution you can think of, you may miss out on something which is both faster to implement and better for the user.

They need search so they can find their customers who are filing support tickets.

Might get you the response:

Well, we can’t get search ready in time, but we could make a way for their support tickets to link to their customer pages. Would that work?

Ta da! A solution which will get done, and will blow away the customer’s expectations.

Accept That The Best Answer Might Be No

There is always more to do at any product company than there is time. It’s possible that this specific customer request will never come up with any other customers and the customer doesn’t bring in enough MRR to make it worth it. It is a well recognized concept that there are customers of many organizations who actually cost more in support than they pay. If you can’t get more cash out of the deal it might be time to say goodbye to this customer.

Work At Least As Hard As They Do

It’s no secret that salespeople don’t always know what a developer does day-to-day. Even more true though is that many developers don’t really know what salespeople do. It can look like the job of being a salesperson is just chatting on the phone and going out to fancy dinners all day. Of course, sales is an incredibly challenging job, but the perception, however wrong, matters. To an engineer it can look like you spend your time making promises they have to keep. The best remedy is to stay in the trenches, working hard at your job, showing you are just as committed to the companies success as you are asking them to be. If the goal is to get your team committed to your goals, no one should be suffering alone.

Of course, this goes the other way too. It doesn’t feel great to watch developers play a game of ping-pong when you are stressing over the latest deadline. It’s valuable to remember that everyone needs to blow off steam sometimes. It can be helpful to remember that every organization has a certain amount of engineering resources. That number is never ‘every engineer working in front of their computer furiously 24 hours a day’, it’s ‘engineers working as hard as they’re able to given the constraints of their lives and personalities’. The goal is to use the resources you have as well as you can, not demand superhuman endurance.

A Formula You Can Use

Engineers

Here is the four-step formula you can use any time you need to get something special done by a developer:

1. Explain the ‘big picture’

Explain why this matters to you and to the organization. Don’t assume that the engineer knows what is going on inside the sales team or the organization, they might not.

2. Make a personal appeal for help

Ask, person to person, for help in getting this done, recognizing you are asking for something above and beyond.

3. Detail the problem and what you think a solution might be

In a few sentences explain what the customer asked for and what problem they are trying to solve. The second part is very important, as what they literally asked for may not be a very smart thing to do at all.

4. Listen and collaborate on a solution

The developer might need some time to think, or might have a solution now. Building a product is a collaborative process, it’s not about any one customer at any one time. But, if it’s in the interest of the company, or you have been able to express how important it is to you personally, it will get done.

Here’s a complete example of a request that would have a good shot of getting you what you need:

Right now we are trying to hit a pretty big sales target set by management. We’re all going a little crazy trying to make it happen, but it’s a challenge. I have this prospect who would bring in enough revenue to make a difference, but they’re asking for a way to export their data. They need it because their compliance requirements say they need an offline backup of all customer data, even what we store. I know it’s not on the product roadmap, and it’s a big ask, but can you think of a way we can solve that problem for them and close the deal before the end of the month?

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15 Aug 16:36

Horses

This car has 240% of a horse's decision-making ability and produces only 30% as much poop.
15 Aug 09:48

Training

by Doug
15 Aug 09:47

Mass Romantic.

by Matt

hey so if you’re in or around NYC, i’ll be hanging out with Topatoco at FlameCon this weekend! Stop by.

RedditShare

14 Aug 23:00

Parallelogram Puzzle

by Greg Ross

parallelogram puzzle

Point E lies on segment AB, and point C lies on segment FG. The area of parallelogram ABCD is 20 square units. What’s the area of parallelogram EFGD?

SelectClick for Answer>

parallelogram puzzle - solution

Draw EC. Now parallelogram ABCD and triangle EDC share a common base (DC), and they have the same altitude (a perpendicular from E to DC). So triangle EDC has half the area of parallelogram ABCD.

But likewise, parallelogram EFGD and triangle EDC share a common base (ED), and they have the same altitude (a perpendicular from C to ED). So triangle EDC has half the area of parallelogram EFGD.

Since both parallelograms have twice the area of the same triangle, their own areas must be equal. So the area of EFGD is 20 square units.

(From Alfred S. Posamentier, Math Wonders to Inspire Teachers and Students, 2003.)

14 Aug 22:56

Tilt Shift Van Gogh’s Paintings

by Léa

Les tableaux de Vincent Van Gogh traversent les époques et émerveillent toujours autant. Les utilisateurs de Reddit se regroupant sous le nom de melonshade, ont transféré les toiles sur photoshop et les ont retravaillées en y ajoutant du flou pour renforcer certains détails ou encore donner l’impression qu’elles avait été saisies avec un objectif disposant de l’effet « tilt shift ».

vangoghtiltshift8 vangoghtiltshift7 vangoghtiltshift6 vangoghtiltshift5 vangoghtiltshift4 vangoghtiltshift3 vangoghtiltshift2 vangoghtiltshift1
14 Aug 13:39

Pokémon Go – seres imaginários

by O Criador
Adam Victor Brandizzi

Achei que todo mundo tinha ido para o Inoreader...


Oh rly???

The post Pokémon Go – seres imaginários appeared first on DrPepper.com.br.

13 Aug 12:13

The Terminator in his colorful shorts

by ThisIsNotPorn

Arnold Schwarzenegger filming the bar scene in Terminator 2 Judgment DayArnold Schwarzenegger wearing a pair of colorful shorts while filming the bar scene in Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

The post The Terminator in his colorful shorts appeared first on This Is Not Porn.

13 Aug 11:52

Cultural Outreach

by Greg Ross

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Scotiapiper.jpg

Scotland’s 1904 antarctic expedition made a unique contribution to science:

A number of emperor penguins, which were here very numerous, were captured. … To test the effect of music on them, Piper Kerr played to one on his pipes, — we had no Orpheus to warble sweetly on a lute, — but neither rousing marches, lively reels, nor melancholy laments seemed to have any effect on these lethargic phlegmatic birds; there was no excitement, no sign of appreciation or disapproval, only sleepy indifference.

— Rudmose Brown et al., The Voyage of the “Scotia,” 1906

(This has produced a memorable Wikipedia image caption.)

13 Aug 02:23

A and B smell the flowers. image / twitter / facebook /...









A and B smell the flowers.

image / twitter / facebook / patreon

13 Aug 02:22

Other Queen

by Reza

other-queen

11 Aug 12:38

Don't Call Yourself A Programmer, And Other Career Advice | Kalzumeus Software

by brandizzi
Adam Victor Brandizzi

Sempre bom lembrar.

If there was one course I could add to every engineering education, it wouldn’t involve compilers or gates or time complexity.  It would be Realities Of Your Industry 101, because we don’t teach them and this results in lots of unnecessary pain and suffering.  This post aspires to be README.txt for your career as a young engineer.  The goal is to make you happy, by filling in the gaps in your education regarding how the “real world” actually works.  It took me about ten years and a lot of suffering to figure out some of this, starting from “fairly bright engineer with low self-confidence and zero practical knowledge of business.”  I wouldn’t trust this as the definitive guide, but hopefully it will provide value over what your college Career Center isn’t telling you.

90% of programming jobs are in creating Line of Business software: Economics 101: the price for anything (including you) is a function of the supply of it and demand for it.  Let’s talk about the demand side first.  Most software is not sold in boxes, available on the Internet, or downloaded from the App Store.  Most software is boring one-off applications in corporations, under-girding every imaginable facet of the global economy.  It tracks expenses, it optimizes shipping costs, it assists the accounting department in preparing projections, it helps design new widgets, it prices insurance policies, it flags orders for manual review by the fraud department, etc etc.  Software solves business problems.  Software often solves business problems despite being soul-crushingly boring and of minimal technical complexity.  For example, consider an internal travel expense reporting form.  Across a company with 2,000 employees, that might save 5,000 man-hours a year (at an average fully-loaded cost of $50 an hour) versus handling expenses on paper, for a savings of $250,000 a year.  It does not matter to the company that the reporting form is the world’s simplest CRUD app, it only matters that it either saves the company costs or generates additional revenue.

There are companies which create software which actually gets used by customers, which describes almost everything that you probably think of when you think of software.  It is unlikely that you will work at one unless you work towards making this happen.  Even if you actually work at one, many of the programmers there do not work on customer-facing software, either.

Engineers are hired to create business value, not to program things:  Businesses do things for irrational and political reasons all the time (see below), but in the main they converge on doing things which increase revenue or reduce costs.  Status in well-run businesses generally is awarded to people who successfully take credit for doing one of these things.  (That can, but does not necessarily, entail actually doing them.)  The person who has decided to bring on one more engineer is not doing it because they love having a geek around the room, they are doing it because adding the geek allows them to complete a project (or projects) which will add revenue or decrease costs.  Producing beautiful software is not a goal.  Solving complex technical problems is not a goal.  Writing bug-free code is not a goal.  Using sexy programming languages is not a goal.  Add revenue.  Reduce costs.  Those are your only goals.

Peter Drucker — you haven’t heard of him, but he is a prophet among people who sign checks — came up with the terms Profit Center and Cost Center.  Profit Centers are the part of an organization that bring in the bacon: partners at law firms, sales at enterprise software companies, “masters of the universe” on Wall Street, etc etc.  Cost Centers are, well, everybody else.  You really want to be attached to Profit Centers because it will bring you higher wages, more respect, and greater opportunities for everything of value to you.  It isn’t hard: a bright high schooler, given a paragraph-long description of a business, can usually identify where the Profit Center is.  If you want to work there, work for that.  If you can’t, either a) work elsewhere or b) engineer your transfer after joining the company.

Engineers in particular are usually very highly paid Cost Centers, which sets MBA’s optimization antennae to twitching.  This is what brings us wonderful ideas like outsourcing, which is “Let’s replace really expensive Cost Centers who do some magic which we kinda need but don’t really care about with less expensive Cost Centers in a lower wage country”.  (Quick sidenote: You can absolutely ignore outsourcing as a career threat if you read the rest of this guide.)  Nobody ever outsources Profit Centers.  Attempting to do so would be the setup for MBA humor.  It’s like suggesting replacing your source control system with a bunch of copies maintained on floppy disks.

Don’t call yourself a programmer: “Programmer” sounds like “anomalously high-cost peon who types some mumbo-jumbo into some other mumbo-jumbo.”  If you call yourself a programmer, someone is already working on a way to get you fired.  You know Salesforce, widely perceived among engineers to be a Software as a Services company?  Their motto and sales point is “No Software”, which conveys to their actual customers “You know those programmers you have working on your internal systems?  If you used Salesforce, you could fire half of them and pocket part of the difference in your bonus.”  (There’s nothing wrong with this, by the way.  You’re in the business of unemploying people.  If you think that is unfair, go back to school and study something that doesn’t matter.)

Instead, describe yourself by what you have accomplished for previously employers vis-a-vis increasing revenues or reducing costs.  If you have not had the opportunity to do this yet, describe things which suggest you have the ability to increase revenue or reduce costs, or ideas to do so.

There are many varieties of well-paid professionals who sling code but do not describe themselves as slinging code for a living.  Quants on Wall Street are the first and best-known example: they use computers and math as a lever to make high-consequence decisions better and faster than an unaided human could, and the punchline to those decisions is “our firm make billions of dollars.”  Successful quants make more in bonuses in a good year than many equivalently talented engineers will earn in a decade or lifetime.

Similarly, even though you might think Google sounds like a programmer-friendly company, there are programmers and then there’s the people who are closely tied to 1% improvements in AdWords click-through rates.  (Hint: provably worth billions of dollars.)  I recently stumbled across a web-page from the guy whose professional bio is “wrote the backend billing code that 97% of Google’s revenue passes through.”  He’s now an angel investor (a polite synonym for “rich”).

You are not defined by your chosen software stack: I recently asked via Twitter what young engineers wanted to know about careers.  Many asked how to know what programming language or stack to study.  It doesn’t matter.  There you go.

Do Java programmers make more money than .NET programmers?  Anyone describing themselves as either a Java programmer or .NET programmer has already lost, because a) they’re a programmer (you’re not, see above) and b) they’re making themselves non-hireable for most programming jobs.  In the real world, picking up a new language takes a few weeks of effort and after 6 to 12 months nobody will ever notice you haven’t been doing that one for your entire career.  I did back-end Big Freaking Java Web Application development as recently as March 2010.  Trust me, nobody cares about that.  If a Python shop was looking for somebody technical to make them a pile of money, the fact that I’ve never written a line of Python would not get held against me.

Talented engineers are rare — vastly rarer than opportunities to use them — and it is a seller’s market for talent right now in almost every facet of the field.  Everybody at Matasano uses Ruby.  If you don’t, but are a good engineer, they’ll hire you anyway.  (A good engineer has a track record of — repeat after me — increasing revenue or decreasing costs.)  Much of Fog Creek uses the Microsoft Stack.  I can’t even spell ASP.NET and they’d still hire me.

There are companies with broken HR policies where lack of a buzzword means you won’t be selected.  You don’t want to work for them, but if you really do, you can add the relevant buzzword to your resume for the costs of a few nights and weekends, or by controlling technology choices at your current job in such a manner that in advances your career interests.  Want to get trained on Ruby at a .NET shop?  Implement a one-off project in Ruby.  Bam, you are now a professional Ruby programmer — you coded Ruby and you took money for it.  (You laugh?  I did this at a Java shop.  The one-off Ruby project made the company $30,000.  My boss was, predictably, quite happy and never even asked what produced the deliverable.)

Co-workers and bosses are not usually your friends: You will spend a lot of time with co-workers.  You may eventually become close friends with some of them, but in general, you will move on in three years and aside from maintaining cordial relations you will not go out of your way to invite them over to dinner.  They will treat you in exactly the same way.  You should be a good person to everyone you meet — it is the moral thing to do, and as a sidenote will really help your networking — but do not be under the delusion that everyone is your friend.

For example, at a job interview, even if you are talking to an affable 28 year old who feels like a slightly older version of you he is in a transaction.  You are not his friend, you are an input for an industrial process which he is trying to buy for the company at the lowest price.  That banter about World of Warcraft is just establishing a professional rapport, but he will (perfectly ethically) attempt to do things that none of your actual friends would ever do, like try to talk you down several thousand dollars in salary or guilt-trip you into spending more time with the company when you could be spending time with your actual friends.  You will have other coworkers who — affably and ethically — will suggest things which go against your interests, from “I should get credit for that project you just did” (probably not phrased in so many words) to “We should do this thing which advances my professional growth goals rather than yours.”  Don’t be surprised when this happens.

You radically overestimate the average skill of the competition because of the crowd you hang around with:  Many people already successfully employed as senior engineers cannot actually implement FizzBuzz.  Just read it and weep.  Key takeaway: you probably are good enough to work at that company you think you’re not good enough for.  They hire better mortals, but they still hire mortals.

“Read ad.  Send in resume.  Go to job interview.  Receive offer.” is the exception, not the typical case, for getting employment: Most jobs are never available publicly, just like most worthwhile candidates are not available publicly (see here).  Information about the position travels at approximately the speed of beer, sometimes lubricated by email.  The decisionmaker at a company knows he needs someone.  He tells his friends and business contacts.  One of them knows someone — family, a roommate from college, someone they met at a conference, an ex-colleague, whatever.  Introductions are made, a meeting happens, and they achieve agreement in principle on the job offer.  Then the resume/HR department/formal offer dance comes about.

This is disproportionately true of jobs you actually want to get.  “First employee at a successful startup” has a certain cachet for a lot of geeks, and virtually none of those got placed by sending in a cover letter to an HR department, in part because two-man startups don’t have enough scar tissue to form HR departments yet.  (P.S. You probably don’t want to be first employee for a startup.  Be the last co-founder instead.)  Want to get a job at Googler?  They have a formal process for giving you a leg up because a Googler likes you.  (They also have multiple informal ways for a Googler who likes you an awful lot to short-circuit that process.  One example: buy the company you work for.  When you have a couple of billion lying around you have many interesting options for solving problems.)

There are many reasons why most hiring happens privately.  One is that publicly visible job offers get spammed by hundreds of resumes (particularly in this economy) from people who are stunningly inappropriate for the position.  The other is that other companies are so bad at hiring that, if you don’t have close personal knowledge about the candidate, you might accidentally hire a non-FizzBuzzer.

Networking: it isn’t just for TCP packets: Networking just means a) meeting people who at some point can do things for you (or vice versa) and b) making a favorable impression on them.

There are many places to meet people.  Events in your industry, such as conferences or academic symposia which get seen by non-academics, are one.  User groups are another.  Keep in mind that user groups draw a very different crowd than industry conferences and optimize accordingly.

Strive to help people.  It is the right thing to do, and people are keenly aware of who have in the past given them or theirs favors.  If you ever can’t help someone but know someone who can, pass them to the appropriate person with a recommendation.  If you do this right, two people will be happy with you and favorably disposed to helping you out in the future.

You can meet people over the Internet (oh God, can you), but something in our monkey brains makes in-the-flesh meeting a bigger thing.  I’ve Internet-met a great many people who I’ve then gone on to meet in real life.  The physical handshake is a major step up in the relationship, even when Internet-meeting lead to very consequential things like “Made them a lot of money through good advice.”  Definitely blog and participate on your industry-appropriate watering holes like HN, but make it out to the meetups for it.

Academia is not like the real world: Your GPA largely doesn’t matter (modulo one high profile exception: a multinational advertising firm).  To the extent that it does matter, it only determines whether your resume gets selected for job interviews.  If you’re reading the rest of this, you know that your resume isn’t the primary way to get job interviews, so don’t spend huge amount of efforts optimizing something that you either have sufficiently optimized already (since you’ll get the same amount of interviews at 3.96 as you will at 3.8) or that you don’t need at all (since you’ll get job interviews because you’re competent at asking the right people to have coffee with you).

Your major and minor don’t matter.  Most decisionmakers in industry couldn’t tell the difference between a major in Computer Science and a major in Mathematics if they tried.  I was once reduced to tears because a minor academic snafu threatened my ability to get a Bachelor of Science with a major in Computer Science, which my advisor told me was more prestigious than a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science.  Academia cares about distinctions like that.  The real world does not.

Your professors might understand how the academic job market works (short story: it is ridiculously inefficient in engineering and fubared beyond mortal comprehension in English) but they often have quixotic understandings of how the real world works.  For example, they may push you to get extra degrees because a) it sounds like a good idea to them and b) they enjoy having research-producing peons who work for ramen.  Remember, market wages for people capable of producing research are $80~100k+++ in your field.  That buys an awful lot of ramen.

The prof in charge of my research project offered me a spot in his lab, a tuition waiver, and a whole $12,000 dollars as a stipend if I would commit 4~6 years to him.  That’s a great deal if, and only if, you have recently immigrated from a low-wage country and need someone to intervene with the government to get you a visa.

If you really like the atmosphere at universities, that is cool.  Put a backpack on and you can walk into any building at any university in the United States any time you want.  Backpacks are a lot cheaper than working in academia.   You can lead the life of the mind in industry, too — and enjoy less politics and better pay.  You can even get published in journals, if that floats your boat.  (After you’ve escaped the mind-warping miasma of academia, you might rightfully question whether Published In A Journal is really personally or societally significant as opposed to close approximations like Wrote A Blog Post And Showed It To Smart People.)

How much money do engineers make?

Wrong question.  The right question is “What kind of offers do engineers routinely work for?”, because salary is one of many levers that people can use to motivate you.  The answer to this is, less than helpfully, “Offers are all over the map.”

In general, big companies pay more (money, benefits, etc) than startups.  Engineers with high perceived value make more than those with low perceived value.  Senior engineers make more than junior engineers.  People working in high-cost areas make more than people in low-cost areas.  People who are skilled in negotiation make more than those who are not.

We have strong cultural training to not ask about salary, ever.  This is not universal.  In many cultures, professional contexts are a perfectly appropriate time to discuss money.  (If you were a middle class Japanese man, you could reasonably be expected to reveal your exact salary to a 2nd date, anyone from your soccer club, or the guy who makes your sushi.  If you owned a company, you’d probably be cagey about your net worth but you’d talk about employee salaries the way programmers talk about compilers — quite frequently, without being embarrassed.)   If I were a Marxist academic or a conspiracy theorist, I might think that this bit of middle class American culture was specifically engineered to be in the interests of employers and against the interests of employees.  Prior to a discussion of salary at any particular target employer, you should speak to someone who works there in a similar situation and ask about the salary range for the position.  It is <%= Date.today.year %>; you can find these people online.  (LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and your (non-graph-database) social networks are all good to lean on.)

Anyhow.  Engineers are routinely offered a suite of benefits.  It is worth worrying, in the United States, about health insurance (traditionally, you get it and your employer foots most or all of the costs) and your retirement program, which is some variant of “we will match contributions to your 401k up to X% of salary.”  The value of that is easy to calculate: X% of salary.  (It is free money, so always max out your IRA up to the employer match.  Put it in index funds and forget about it for 40 years.)

There are other benefits like “free soda”, “catered lunches”, “free programming books”, etc.  These are social signals more than anything else.  When I say that I’m going to buy you soda, that says a specific thing about how I run my workplace, who I expect to work for me, and how I expect to treat them.  (It says “I like to move the behavior of unsophisticated young engineers by making this job seem fun by buying 20 cent cans of soda, saving myself tens of thousands in compensation while simultaneously encouraging them to ruin their health.”  And I like soda.)  Read social signals and react appropriately — someone who signals that, e.g., employee education is worth paying money for might very well be a great company to work for — but don’t give up huge amounts of compensation in return for perks that you could trivially buy.

How do I become better at negotiation?  This could be a post in itself.  Short version:

a)  Remember you’re selling the solution to a business need (raise revenue or decrease costs) rather than programming skill or your beautiful face.

b)  Negotiate aggressively with appropriate confidence, like the ethical professional you are.  It is what your counterparty is probably doing.  You’re aiming for a mutual beneficial offer, not for saying Yes every time they say something.

c)  “What is your previous salary?” is employer-speak for “Please give me reasons to pay you less money.”  Answer appropriately.

d)  Always have a counteroffer.  Be comfortable counteroffering around axes you care about other than money.  If they can’t go higher on salary then talk about vacation instead.

e)  The only time to ever discuss salary is after you have reached agreement in principle that they will hire you if you can strike a mutually beneficial deal.  This is late in the process after they have invested a lot of time and money in you, specifically, not at the interview.  Remember that there are large costs associated with them saying “No, we can’t make that work” and, appropriately, they will probably not scuttle the deal over comparatively small issues which matter quite a bit to you, like e.g. taking their offer and countering for that plus a few thousand bucks then sticking to it.

f)  Read a book.  Many have been written about negotiation.  I like Getting To Yes.  It is a little disconcerting that negotiation skills are worth thousands of dollars per year for your entire career but engineers think that directed effort to study them is crazy when that could be applied to trivialities about a technology that briefly caught their fancy.

How to value an equity grant:

Roll d100.  (Not the right kind of geek?  Sorry.  rand(100) then.)

0~70: Your equity grant is worth nothing.

71~94: Your equity grant is worth a lump sum of money which makes you about as much money as you gave up working for the startup, instead of working for a megacorp at a higher salary with better benefits.

95~99: Your equity grant is a lifechanging amount of money.  You won’t feel rich — you’re not the richest person you know, because many of the people you spent the last several years with are now richer than you by definition — but your family will never again give you grief for not having gone into $FAVORED_FIELD like a proper $YOUR_INGROUP.

100: You worked at the next Google, and are rich beyond the dreams of avarice.  Congratulations.

Perceptive readers will note that 100 does not actually show up on a d100 or rand(100).

Why are you so negative about equity grants?

Because you radically overestimate the likelihood that your startup will succeed and radically overestimate the portion of the pie that will be allocated to you if the startup succeeds.  Read about dilution and liquidation preferences on Hacker News or Venture Hacks, then remember that there are people who know more about negotiating deals than you know about programming and imagine what you could do to a program if there were several hundred million on the line.

Are startups great for your career as a fresh graduate?

The high-percentage outcome is you work really hard for the next couple of years, fail ingloriously, and then be jobless and looking to get into another startup.  If you really wanted to get into a startup two years out of school, you could also just go work at a megacorp for the next two years, earn a bit of money, then take your warchest, domain knowledge, and contacts and found one.

Working at a startup, you tend to meet people doing startups.  Most of them will not be able to hire you in two years.  Working at a large corporation, you tend to meet other people in large corporations in your area.  Many of them either will be able to hire you or will have the ear of someone able to hire you in two years.

So would you recommend working at a startup?  Working in a startup is a career path but, more than that, it is a lifestyle choice.  This is similar to working in investment banking or academia.  Those are three very different lifestyles.  Many people will attempt to sell you those lifestyles as being in your interests, for their own reasons.  If you genuinely would enjoy that lifestyle, go nuts.  If you only enjoy certain bits of it, remember that many things are available a la carte if you really want them.  For example, if you want to work on cutting-edge technology but also want to see your kids at 5:30 PM, you can work on cutting-edge technology at many, many, many megacorps.

(Yeah, really.  If it creates value for them, heck yes, they’ll invest in it.  They’ll also invest in a lot of CRUD apps, but then again, so do startups — they just market making CRUD apps better than most megacorps do.  The first hour of the Social Network is about making a CRUD app seem like sexy, the second is a Lifetime drama about a divorce improbably involving two heterosexual men.)

Your most important professional skill is communication: Remember engineers are not hired to create programs and how they are hired to create business value?  The dominant quality which gets you jobs is the ability to give people the perception that you will create value.  This is not necessarily coextensive with ability to create value.

Some of the best programmers I know are pathologically incapable of carrying on a conversation.  People disproportionately a) wouldn’t want to work with them or b) will underestimate their value-creation ability because they gain insight into that ability through conversation and the person just doesn’t implement that protocol.  Conversely, people routinely assume that I am among the best programmers they know entirely because a) there exists observable evidence that I can program and b) I write and speak really, really well.

(Once upon a time I would have described myself as “Slightly below average” in programming skill.  I have since learned that I had a radically skewed impression of the skill distribution, that programming skill is not what people actually optimize for, and that modesty is against my interests.  These days if you ask me how good of a programmer I am I will start telling you stories about how I have programmed systems which helped millions of kids learn to read or which provably made companies millions.  The question of where I am on the bell curve matters to no one, so why bother worrying about it?)

Communication is a skill.  Practice it: you will get better.  One key sub-skill is being able to quickly, concisely, and confidently explain how you create value to someone who is not an expert in your field and who does not have a priori reasons to love you.  If when you attempt to do this technical buzzwords keep coming up (“Reduced 99th percentile query times by 200 ms by optimizing indexes on…”), take them out and try again.  You should be able to explain what you do to a bright 8 year old, the CFO of your company, or a programmer in a different specialty, at whatever the appropriate level of abstraction is.

You will often be called to do Enterprise Sales and other stuff you got into engineering to avoid: Enterprise Sales is going into a corporation and trying to convince them to spend six or seven figures on buying a system which will either improve their revenue or reduce costs.  Every job interview you will ever have is Enterprise Sales.  Politics, relationships, and communication skills matter a heck of a lot, technical reality not quite so much.

When you have meetings with coworkers and are attempting to convince  them to implement your suggestions, you will also be doing Enterprise Sales.  If getting stuff done is your job description, then convincing people to get stuff done is a core job skill for you.  Spend appropriate effort on getting good at it.  This means being able to communicate effectively in memos, emails, conversations, meetings, and PowerPoint (when appropriate).  It means understanding how to make a business case for a technological initiative.  It means knowing that sometimes you will make technological sacrifices in pursuit of business objectives and that this is the right call.

Modesty is not a career-enhancing character trait: Many engineers have self-confidence issues (hello, self).  Many also come from upbringings where modesty with regards to one’s accomplishments is culturally celebrated.  American businesses largely do not value modesty about one’s accomplishments.  The right tone to aim for in interviews, interactions with other people, and life is closer to “restrained, confident professionalism.”

If you are part of a team effort and the team effort succeeds, the right note to hit is not “I owe it all to my team” unless your position is such that everyone will understand you are lying to be modest.  Try for “It was a privilege to assist my team by leading their efforts with regards to $YOUR_SPECIALTY.”  Say it in a mirror a thousand times until you can say it with a straight face.  You might feel like you’re overstating your accomplishments.  Screw that.  Someone who claims to Lead Efforts To Optimize Production while having the title Sandwich Artist is overstating their accomplishments.  You are an engineer.  You work magic which makes people’s lives better.  If you were in charge of the database specifically on an important project involving people then heck yes you lead the database effort which was crucial for the success of the project.  This is how the game is played.  If you feel poorly about it, you’re like a batter who feels poorly about stealing bases in baseball: you’re not morally superior, you’re just playing poorly

All business decisions are ultimately made by one or a handful of multi-cellular organisms closely related to chimpanzees, not by rules or by algorithms: People are people.  Social grooming is a really important skill.  People will often back suggestions by friends because they are friends, even when other suggestions might actually be better.  People will often be favoritably disposed to people they have broken bread with.  (There is a business book called Never Eat Alone.  It might be worth reading, but that title is whatever the antonym of deceptive advertising is.)  People routinely favor people who they think are like them over people they think are not like them.  (This can be good, neutral, or invidious.  Accepting that it happens is the first step to profitably exploiting it.)

Actual grooming is at least moderately important, too, because people are hilariously easy to hack by expedients such as dressing appropriately for the situation, maintaining a professional appearance, speaking in a confident tone of voice, etc.  Your business suit will probably cost about as much as a computer monitor.  You only need it once in a blue moon, but when you need it you’ll be really, really, really glad that you have it.  Take my word for it, if I wear everyday casual when I visit e.g. City Hall I get treated like a hapless awkward twenty-something, if I wear the suit I get treated like the CEO of a multinational company.  I’m actually the awkward twenty-something CEO of a multinational company, but I get to pick which side to emphasize when I want favorable treatment from a bureaucrat.

(People familiar with my business might object to me describing it as a multinational company because it is not what most people think of when “multinational company” gets used in conversation.  Sorry — it is a simple conversational hack.  If you think people are pissed off at being manipulated when they find that out, well, some people passionately hate business suits, too.  That doesn’t mean business suits are valueless.  Be appropriate to the circumstances.  Technically true answers are the best kind of answers when the alternative is Immigration deporting you, by the way.)

At the end of the day, your life happiness will not be dominated by your career.  Either talk to older people or trust the social scientists who have: family, faith, hobbies, etc etc generally swamp career achievements and money in terms of things which actually produce happiness.  Optimize appropriately.  Your career is important, and right now it might seem like the most important thing in your life, but odds are that is not what you’ll believe forever.  Work to live, don’t live to work.

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10 Aug 23:50

Viva Intensamente # 271

by Will Tirando
10 Aug 12:00

Refreshing Shower

by Scandinavia and the World
Adam Victor Brandizzi

Wait, aren't electric showers common elsewhere?!

Refreshing Shower

Refreshing Shower

View Comic!




10 Aug 00:39

Remédio pra ansiedade

by Will Tirando

REMÉDIO-PRA-ANSIEDADE

09 Aug 09:24

Photo





09 Aug 09:23

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - The Resurrection

by tech@thehiveworks.com


Hovertext:
Fun fact: Pastors are always available for on the spot theological discussions.

New comic!
Today's News:
09 Aug 09:22

Beautiful Typesetting with LaTeX

by da]v[ax

beautiful-typesetting-with-latex-500px

Mit Gruß an Frater Mosses :)

(via sommteck)

-=daMax=-, Jul 31, 2016. | Permalink | 3 Reaktionen | Abgelegt unter: Geek, Grafix/Bilder/Kunst, Spaß

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09 Aug 09:19

Anésia # 295

by Will Tirando

ANESIA-A-PENITENCIA-DO-LIQUIDIFICADOR

09 Aug 09:19

reawake

by Lunarbaboon

08 Aug 17:49

15-03-2016

by Laerte Coutinho

08 Aug 17:48

Unquote

by Greg Ross

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pierre-Paul_Prud%27hon_004.jpg

“There may now exist great men for things that do not exist.” — Samuel Burckhardt

07 Aug 16:25

Comic for July 23, 2016

by Scott Adams
07 Aug 11:43

Humpbacks are fighting killer whales to save other mammals — Quartz

by brandizzi
Adam Victor Brandizzi

Deve ser algum tipo de rede de alianças que vai causar a 5a Guerra Submarina.

Is there a whale war going on? Researchers say that humpbacks are rescuing other from carnivorous orcas, also known as killer whales.

Mother Nature Network reports that humpbacks have been repeatedly spotted intervening in killer whale hunts, rescuing sea lions, seals, and gray whales, in regions stretching from Antarctica to the North Pacific.

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The massive humpbacks , which weight 30 to 50 tons (27-45 tonnes), can easily hold their own against killer whales. They also have powerful flippers, which are encrusted with sharp barnacles.

According to a new study published in the Journal of Marine Mammal Science, there have been more than a hundred observed incidents of humpbacks clashing with orcas, including 31 cases where they engaged with killer whales that were attacking another species.

But why would humpbacks waste their time and energy—and, potentially, their well-being—to protect other species?

Observers have speculated that they may want the orcas’ prey for themselves (humpbacks and orcas sometimes hunt together). But their aggressive actions are mostly directed at protecting, not attacking. Could there be something else going on?

Researchers identified three possible drivers:

Kin selection: Killer whales are not big enough to take down a full-grown humpback, but they have been known to hunt and kill young whales. So battling against the orcas could simply be a form of protective self-defense for whale pods.

Reciprocity: Similarly, the humpbacks may be foiling the orcas’ hunt as revenge for young whales they’ve killed in the past.

Altruism: This is the most interesting possibility, because only a few species have been shown to exhibit altruistic behavior—primates, mostly, but also killer whales themselves. Co-author Robert Pitman told Science that humpbacks may “just have a simple rule. When you hear a killer whale attack, go break it up.”

[embedded content]

In any case, it’s further evidence that the emotional lives of whales are deeper and more complex than we currently understand.

Read full story

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06 Aug 12:49

A cera do lacre

by Tiago de Thuin
Ou, por que não gosto do lacradorismo, e por que ele veio pra ficar. 

Antes de mais nada, confesso que tenho problema com a própria palavra, ou melhor, por seu uso nas redes sociais. Tô aguardando pra ouvir que o broto lacrou, bicho. "Lacrar" é uma gíria jovem e gay. Se espalhou entre jovens em geral a partir de um par de vídeos de um youtuber falando sobre divas pop, em fins de 2013. Apropriação cultural é um treco horroroso quando feito por grandes corporações cheias de poder; quando é feito por outros, é só ridículo. Luciana Genro, uma senhora de meia idade, imitando isso, é uma pérola do tiosukitismo. Soa tão autêntico e natural quanto se o Maluf falasse que era gamer. O ápice da vergonha alheia foi Babá postando um discurso de Babá e escrevendo, em maiúsculas, LACROU!!!!!!!!!!

Mas para além disso, e falando não só da palavra, mas de toda a atitude que a orbita. Lacrar é pôr aquelazinha no seu lugar. É um discurso de autoridade, de cima pra baixo. É só reparar como os verbos que vão junto estão, geralmente, no imperativo (feita a conjugação no português castiço ou não). Seje menas. Apenas pare. Se desconstrua. Faça. Obedeça. É um discurso que se dedica a combater opressões de todo tipo, especialmente as de gênero e sexualidade, mas se você pensar apenas na forma do discurso, ele não é muito diferente do das senhoras de Santana. São pessoas sérias, olhando de cima pra baixo e vaticinando sobre a imoralidade daquela criatura inferior. Tut tut. E disso faz parte, também, o escracho, o bullying, virtual ou não. 

 Pra além de qualquer problema psicológico pessoal meu com bullying ou discursos de autoridade, ou de qualquer resistência conceitual, de princípios, contra discursos de autoridade, isso é problemático, e não é por alguma questão ideológica de que discursos opressivos não podem gerar liberdade. É mais simples: o discurso de autoridade só funciona se você tem autoridade. Não adianta de nada falar pro Bolsonaro SEJE MENAS. Imagine-se falando pro delegado machista enquanto faz um BO "apenas pare." Não funciona. Não é que discurso de autoridade não funcione pra combater autoridade por alguma questão espiritual, não funciona porque, a princípio, ele só funciona pra reforçar autoridade existente, não pra derrubá-la. Não é à toa que boa parte das "lacrações" narradas na internet são fanfics, são wishful thinking. "Ah se eu falasse poucas e boas eles se humilhariam a meus pés." Porque na realidade o Outro - não só o outro opressor mas qualquer diferente - não costuma ser prostrado pela Verdade quando ela é Falada na Cara. Pelo contrário, o resultado costumeiro de boa parte das fanfics que se vê por aí seria um caso de agressão.

Digo a princípio, e não por definição, porque sendo a humanidade um bicho esquisito, um discurso de autoridade convincente o bastante pode ser tomado como autoridade mesmo que não a tivesse antes. Que o digam todos os falsos Dimitris, Stroheins, e Castañedas da história. Mas não creio que seja esse o caso de "seje menas." É um pouco pior do que nada, na verdade: o discurso de autoridade só é realmente aceito se ele vier de uma autoridade vista como legítima. Se essa autoridade for vista como ilegítima, vai causar ressentimento, mesmo que obedecido. (E se não for nenhum dos dois, não vai ser obedecido E vai causar repulsa e ressentimento.) 

Ah, mas não estou aqui pra dar biscoito pra macho opressor. Só que não é só "macho opressor" que não aceita o discurso de autoridade progressista. Sarah Winter está bem longe de ser a única mulher que rejeita o feminismo, e situações semelhantes podem ser vistas em todas as causas progressistas. Convencer aqueles que pensam diferentes de nós é uma necessidade real, pra pessoas que querem ver triunfar ideais que, hoje, convencem uma minoria da população. Especialmente se não têm a força das armas, da mídia, ou do capital por trás de si - e, se alguns dos discursos progressistas, os identitários, podem trazer pra si algumas dessas forças, isso não é verdade pra outros. E mesmo praqueles que podem ter o capital do seu lado, isso pode dar numa situação meio faustiana

O outro lado, é claro, é que se discursos de autoridade não funcionam muito bem contra o poder, eles funcionam muito bem para solidificar o poder num espaço em que se tem, sim, autoridade. Isso significa que a mesma característica que torna o lacradorismo inócuo contra o Bolsonaro torna ele muito forte contra alguém que discorde dele dentro dos espaços de esquerda - do mesmo modo como uma Senhora de Santana teria poder pra "pôr no seu lugar" uma sobrinha que falasse palavrão, mas seria só uma velha ridícula se tentasse admoestar um grande empresário. O bully é mau guerreiro, mas é ótimo capataz. 
05 Aug 23:54

Sobre Gatos e Caixas

by Daniel Lafayette

cartum---gatos-e-caixas

05 Aug 23:53

Entendedor Anônimo # 31

by Will Tirando

ENTENDEDOR-ANÔNIMO-POKEMON-GO

05 Aug 23:52

Raapers

by delfrig

Raapers

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05 Aug 23:49

Marque aquela pessoa que não curte Pokémon Go

by O Criador


O problema não é não curtir… o problema é não curtir e julgar quem curte!
Isso serve pra tudo… menos pra quem ouve funk carioca. Estes são retardados mesmo =D

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