Shared posts

27 Jul 17:26

I met with the owner of a small nightclub to discuss designing several items for him.  I’d never...

I met with the owner of a small nightclub to discuss designing several items for him.  I’d never seen this guy before, but he asked me to visit his business so he could show me this printed poster that he loves as an inspiration for my work.

When I arrived at the nightclub, I was greeted by someone and he introduced himself by name as the owner.  He escorted me back to his office, told me to sit down and angrily gestured to the poster on his desk.

Client: Do you always design nightclub posters that look as if they have been drizzled in cum, set on fire, shit on, used for target practice outside with a shotgun and then scanned into the computer like some sort of f**king JOKE??  I mean, I’ll still pay you for the work here, bro, but this shit is f**king pathetic and you should be ashamed.  My ten-year-old boy could do better shit than you, f**king joke!  Now, what do you have to say for yourself, asshole?

After a long silence…

Me: You know, that’s not my work… You called me in here to take a look at it for reference.

At this point, another person entered the office and started yelling at the client.

Actual Client:  What the f**k are you doing back here? Go back to work!

Apparently, one of the bartenders decided to play a prank on the designer scheduled to come in for a meeting by posing as the boss.

23 Jul 14:13

platapai: Soulja boy tell em awwwwwwwww...



platapai:

Soulja boy tell em

awwwwwwwww yooooooooooooooooooooooooo

22 Jul 18:58

Thorough Enough

by Greg Ross

Seven ways to pronounce ough:

  • dough
  • tough
  • hiccough
  • bough
  • ought
  • cough
  • through

A letter to the London Times, Sept. 20, 1934:

Sir,

‘A rough-coated dough-faced ploughman strode coughing and hiccoughing through the streets of Scarborough’ used to be set as a spelling-test at my prep school at Crowborough in the middle nineties.

I am, Sir, your obedient servant,

H. Pirie-Gordon

“If the English language made any sense,” wrote Doug Larson, “lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.”

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

22 Jul 18:57

Orthography

by Greg Ross

There once was a ,cal fellow,
Who grew .ically mellow;
With a — he was gone
To the town of :
To write for a sheet that was yellow.

She was wooed by a handsome young Dr.,
Who one day in his arms tightly lr.;
But straightway he swore
He would do so no more,
Which the same, it was plain, greatly shr.

A boy at Sault Ste. Marie
Said, “To spell I will not agree
Till they learn to spell ‘Soo’
Without any u
Or an a or an l or a t.”

There was an old maid from Duquesne
Who the rigor of mortis did fuesne;
She came to with a shout,
Saying: “Please let me out;
This coffin will drive me insuesne.”

— Stanton Vaughn, ed., Limerick Lyrics, 1904

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

21 Jul 20:49

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - All Hail GLORNAK

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: Now, I need a Hall of the People built, with my face on it.


New comic!
Today's News:
20 Jul 14:43

But lean a little bit closer, see that roses really smell...



But lean a little bit closer, see that roses really smell like

Summer offering (1911), Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema / Roses, Outkast

17 Jul 18:24

fartgallery: leakinginklikeblood: lifemadesimple: Plate...

by joberholtzer


fartgallery:

leakinginklikeblood:

lifemadesimple:

Plate Etiquette 

I did not know this.  

image
16 Jul 15:10

call me, NASA

by kris

20150715-nasa

the planet i made has a lot of interesting geological features. for a very reasonable fee, you can bring a satellite over my house and take all the pics you want. don’t throw your money away when i got a great planet right here priced to move.

16 Jul 14:31

Photo



15 Jul 14:05

pleatedjeans: via

by joberholtzer
15 Jul 14:02

Musical Bone.

What is this I keep hearing about a skull trumpet? We don't play trumpets! LUNGS! Ugh...
14 Jul 14:16

flyartproductions: Eve, don’t kill Adam’s vibe Adam and Eve in...



flyartproductions:

Eve, don’t kill Adam’s vibe

Adam and Eve in paradise (c. 1527), Mabuse / Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe, Kendrick Lamar

14 Jul 14:15

#Happybirthday to a captain, professor, surrogate father, and...

Hpecker

i hope this is real



#Happybirthday to a captain, professor, surrogate father, and real-life knight. #sirpatrickstewart

13 Jul 14:15

flyartproductions: Woman with a superb ass Woman with a double...



flyartproductions:

Woman with a superb ass

Woman with a double bass (1908), Suzanne Valodon / Super Bass, Nicki Minaj

13 Jul 14:12

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - The Village and the Tower

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: This comic is an allegory for, of course, the 1896 presidential elections.


New comic!
Today's News:
10 Jul 15:58

An important PSA



An important PSA

10 Jul 13:22

RacistsLovePoop asked: I saw that Scalia toad-poop-image and...



RacistsLovePoop asked: I saw that Scalia toad-poop-image and thought to myself, “Someone really needs to do a poop Don’t Tread on Me Flag, to show everyone how much these racists really love their poop.”  Well, it’s already been done.

This is terrific.

10 Jul 13:22

Photo



09 Jul 16:11

s-hayashi: Tee trinken / Drinking Tea  - Lei Xue LINK







s-hayashi:

Tee trinken / Drinking Tea  - Lei Xue LINK

09 Jul 16:06

90s Kid

We remember Rugrats, and think of them every time our kids look at us through their baby gates.
09 Jul 16:05

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Pun-Tourette's

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: I await your hatemail.


New comic!
Today's News:
08 Jul 13:57

I think it should be called the Paternal Order of Police, because 1.) they are patronizing fuckers, and 2.) the acronym would be POoP.

:-o

08 Jul 13:56

Photo



06 Jul 18:16

If you get bitten by a racist, do you become one?

No, but you will need to go to the hospital or see a doctor if it breaks the skin.

06 Jul 18:16

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Love

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: Your TRUE soulmate wants to watch you burn out your life in front of Netflix, eating cheesecake with a spoon.


New comic!
Today's News:

Only 13 days left to submit your BAHFest proposal! 

06 Jul 15:14

2sweet2bsour: feiwynne: teenagemutantnegroturtle: jayfeather21...



2sweet2bsour:

feiwynne:

teenagemutantnegroturtle:

jayfeather21:

sanders4prez:

buttmunchersanon:

shitigiveafuckabout:

rosesharonn:

sanders4prez:

In 180 Seconds You Will Be Voting For Bernie Sanders 

We need to give this man the media attention he deserves because he does not have the funds that the other potential candidates have.

I’m over it with elected officials being backed by big money and using our votes to get the top 1% more money. Bernie has said NO to a SuperPAC and to billionaire funding, so we need to throw our votes behind him and show THE ENTIRE WORLD, including our own corporations and financial institutions that AMERICA IS NOT FOR SALE!!!!

like i rly wanna start volunteering for his campaign tho

Here’s a link to volunteer for the campaign. 

https://go.berniesanders.com/page/s/volunteer-for-bernie?source=web_main_nav

DID HE SAY PUBLIC COLLEGE AND TUITION FREE

Yes, yes he did. 

We can’t stress enough the importance of circulating Bernie Sanders’ message through social media. Everyone with money doesn’t want his message to get out. The mainstream media doesn’t want his message to get out, the political establishment doesn’t want his message to get out. It only gets out if we make it get out.

I made it 20 seconds before reblogging.

I’m not a firm believer that old white men are the solution to any of my or society’s problems, but Bernie’s talkin

UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE – TUITION FREE PUBLIC EDUCATION & HIGHER EDUCATION – CHANGING OUR ECONOMY TO REVERSE CLIMATE CHANGE – A REAL LIVING WAGE FOR WORKING PEOPLE –

i mean, is there any other presidential candidate saying they will do any of that?

06 Jul 15:13

nevver: Book Club, Guy Laramée













nevver:

Book Club, Guy Laramée

06 Jul 15:11

shychemist:laughing-treees:i couldnt agree moreFYI, the speaker...

Hpecker

except it IS working, exactly as intended





















shychemist:

laughing-treees:

i couldnt agree more

FYI, the speaker is David Suzuki; a well known Canadian Scientist and Environmentalist.

Been looking for this one a long time

02 Jul 03:58

Strengths and Weaknesses

Do you need me to do a quicksort on the whiteboard or produce a generation of offspring or something? It might take me a bit, but I can do it.
01 Jul 15:39

proud graduates

by kris

20150630-design

alternative first two panels: waking up at 1pm, returning to bed at 8pm.

optional: mom glowering from top of stairs