Shared posts

14 Jan 14:55

Trick or Trick

by nedroid

Trick or Trick

14 Jan 14:55

Flu Shot

by nedroid

Flu Shot

12 Nov 15:03

A Thief’s Welcome

by Greg Ross

https://www.google.com/patents/US726131

Idaho farmer John Barnes patented this “coyote alarm” in 1903. Near his sheep pens he mounted a man-shaped scarecrow wearing a metal breastplate. In the breastplate was a cylinder “analogous to the cylinder of a revolver of large size” holding blank cartridges. A clockwork mechanism turned the cylinder, and a plunger dropped at intervals and fired a cartridge. Barnes would wind up the mechanism with a key at dusk, and the artificial farmer would fire its imaginary gun “every quarter of an hour throughout the night.” I wonder what the sheep thought of this.

This is actually less alarming than James Williams’ pest exterminator of 1882. That’s progress.

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

12 Nov 15:02

How many messages a week do you get from people asking you on your opinion of Bernie?

Bernie Mac is the best.

11 Nov 19:34

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Accuracy in Kids' Shows

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: WHY ARE WE LYING TO CHILDREN?!


New comic!
Today's News:

Just under a week left! We have a chance to hit a record for most funding ever for an SMBC book! 

11 Nov 14:35

Linguistics Club

If that's too easy, you could try joining Tautology Club, which meets on the date of the Tautology Club meeting.
11 Nov 04:01

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - A Simulation

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: Make the starshine upon the sea 3.1 percent more sublime.


New comic!
Today's News:

Only one week left! 

10 Nov 15:02

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Other People

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: This month will exclusively consist of involved math jokes and insultingly stupid puns.


New comic!
Today's News:

Just 9 days to get your Weiners signed!

10 Nov 15:01

problematic faves

by kris

20151109_wuvcraft

the world fantasy award decided to drop their award design that’s just a bust of lovecraft. it’s the right move. i like lovecraft’s writing a lot, and it was my first exposure to “cosmic horror” and the concept of a terrifyingly indifferent universe. but man, you’ll run smack into a super-racist passage and it yanks you straight out. bleah.

to borrow from longfellow: when lovecraft was good, he was very very good; but when he was bad, he was horrid.

to borrow from ice cube: bye felicia

10 Nov 15:01

Photo



09 Nov 14:59

Is it racist to think of police unions and their bombastic threats as the only real "thugs" in America?

No, there’s lots of other thugs, like the police themselves and anti-abortion people and etc.

09 Nov 14:58

CRULLER Intentions

by Justin Pierce

Next week: a strange man sells Wonderella a monorail. Leonard Nimoy guest stars.

09 Nov 14:57

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - I OBJECT!

by admin@smbc-comics.com
Hpecker

Not to mention bias in the sample

Hovertext: I'm off to a honeymoon to convince a couple they probably aren't soulmates!


New comic!
Today's News:

Only ten days left to get your Weiner signed

07 Nov 18:49

Misandrist Lullabies

Misandrist Lullabies:

By Mallory Ortberg

Hush, little baby, don’t say a word
Ever; your sister is talking

Little Miss Muffett
Sat on a tuffett
Eating her curds and whey.
It was illegal for white men to practice medicine

05 Nov 15:51

evil-wears-a-bow: twice-five-miles: thisisntmyrealhair: classi...



evil-wears-a-bow:

twice-five-miles:

thisisntmyrealhair:

classictrek:

Why Star Trek matters.

Why representation matters too.

Everyone should know, in the 70s Nichelle Nichols went to NASA and asked why there weren’t black astronauts in the pipeline, and they said, “Come recruit for us.”  And she did.


“From the late 1970’s until the late 1980’s, NASA employed Nichelle Nichols to recruit new astronaut candidates. Many of her new recruits were women or members of racial and ethnic minorities, including Guion Bluford (the first African-American astronaut), Sally Ride (the first female American astronaut), Judith Resnik (one of the original set of female astronauts, who perished during the launch of the Challenger on January 28, 1986), and Ronald McNair (the second African-American astronaut, and another victim of the Challenger accident).“ (x)

Yaaaaaaaas

05 Nov 15:50

mike3k: I found a piece of history

by joberholtzer
Hpecker

yeah, how could anyone possibly ever mess this up?



mike3k:

I found a piece of history

05 Nov 15:49

Water Delivery

When I was a kid, I asked my parents why our houses didn't have toothpaste pipes in addition to water ones. I'm strangely pleased to see Amazon thinking the same way.
05 Nov 15:49

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Heaven

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: OH MY GOD I just realized we haven't accounted for relativity.


New comic!
Today's News:
02 Nov 17:21

It's Not Easy Being Green

I was writing a money back web page for a major “eco-friendly” household cleaner brand. The client was explaining their refund process.

Client: So, if a consumer wants their money back, they have to visit our site where they’ll download a printable refund form. We’ll give them an address where they can send their completed form, along with the original receipt.

Me: Wouldn’t it be easier to have them submit the form online?

Client: Well, honestly, we don’t want to make the refund process easier. That would result in more refunds.

Me: Right. But we are a “green” brand, right? Seems odd that an eco-responsible company is asking consumers to print out a paper form, then send it through snail mail…

Client: Well, we’ve done this before and nobody complained, so it should be fine.

02 Nov 15:31

Thirsty Work

by Greg Ross

connery

As the series developed, readers came to expect an ever more extensive drinks menu. In On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, for example, the eleventh book, Bond downs no less than forty-six drinks, the widest variety in any single book. According to one Bondologist, these include: unspecified quantities of Pouilly-Fuissé white wine, Taittinger champagne, Mouton Rothschild ’53 claret, calvados, Krug champagne, three bourbons with water, four vodka and tonics, two double brandy and ginger ales, two whisky and sodas, three double vodka martinis, two double bourbons on the rocks, at least one glass of neat whisky, a flask of Enzian schnapps, Marsala wine, the better part of a bottle of fiery Algerian wine (served by M), two more Scotch whiskies, half a pint of I.W. Harper bourbon, a Jack Daniel’s Tennessee whisky with water, on the rocks, a bottle of Riquewihr wine, four steins of Franziskaner beer, and a double Steinhäger gin. The same indefatigable researcher has found that although vodka martini has now become Bond’s signature drink, he only drinks nineteen of them in the books, compared to thirty-seven bourbons, twenty-one Scotches and a remarkable thirty-five sakes (entirely the result of his massive consumption of that particular drink in You Only Live Twice).

— Ben MacIntyre, For Your Eyes Only: Ian Fleming and James Bond, 2008

Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!

30 Oct 20:27

destinyrush: What black lives matter really mean!













destinyrush:

What black lives matter really mean!

29 Oct 18:04

Societal sickness.

by Jessica Hagy

card4736

The post Societal sickness. appeared first on Indexed.

29 Oct 18:04

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - If I Were Gone

by admin@smbc-comics.com

Hovertext: I strangled it with my bare hands!


New comic!
Today's News:

Hey geeks! We added an ebooks omnibus level to the kickstarter. If you've ever wanted all of my books in digital format, it's now available! 

27 Oct 20:30

Apparently, Fox News is mad at the new Captain America because he's fighting a racist terrorist group called "The Sons of the Serpent," which according to Fox, represents "conservative Americans." To be clear, Fox is standing up for the fictional racist terrorists. I don't even know what to say about this.

They stand up for real life racist terrorists too, that’s kind of their Main Jam.

27 Oct 20:27

shittysimpsons: Pros: SmokerCons: Just a sign



shittysimpsons:

Pros: Smoker

Cons: Just a sign

27 Oct 20:26

Maybe They Were Just Embarrassed

I built a simple brochure website for a business-to-business client. They approved the final version on the test server, so I asked for the FTP password to move it into place. They refused, citing security concerns. I argued that a web developer is a bit like a car mechanic: you have to trust them with the keys to your car. No go. So I sent them the entire website as a .zip file. They could not figure out how to upload it, so they gave in and emailed me.

The FTP password for this security-conscious company turned out to be 12345678.

26 Oct 16:46

an education

by kris

20151020_sexed

no matter how long you’ve been a teacher, there’s always more to learn

26 Oct 16:45

Play-By-Play

The thrower started hitting the bats too much, so the king of the game told him to leave and brought out another thrower from thrower jail.
26 Oct 16:42

three vows safe

by kris

20151022_marriage

a match manufactured in heaven

26 Oct 16:42

Human Subjects

After meeting with a few of the subjects, the IRB actually recommended that you stop stressing out so much about safety guidelines.