Philip.paulsson

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10 Aug 15:18

18 Pickup Lines You Should Try Immediately

by Grace Spelman
Philip.paulsson

Hahah nice.

Come here often?

Jakubzak / Getty Images

1. Are you a campfire? Because I'm having a great time around you.

2. Are you an angel? Because you look like you just fell from a fairly high altitude. Are you OK

3. I like my men how I like my sleep: full of dreams!

4. There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look. But if I had to make one up, it would probably be something like "Oooooooooosuperhottie."

5. Put down that cupcake. You're sweet enough already. ;) OK, give me the cupcake.

6. I noticed your arm grazed against my sweater. Pretty soft, huh? Go ahead, feel it. Do you know what it's made of? Cashm-—CRAP, I mean, "boyfriend material." I'm sorry. I'm really nervous.

7. Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart. You'll be hearing from my lawyer! See you in COURT, buddy.

8. We better find the janitor because I need him to pick up my jaw.

9. Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you. I'm suing your ass. See you in court, buddy.

10. Do you have a map? Great, thanks. Have a good night.

11. Let's get out of here. (I just farted.)

12. My Lord, news from the West: In the Castle of the Mountains, a warrior has fallen. The Queen of the Sun has seduced the King of War.

13. I bet I can guess your weight.

14. Let's DO this thing!

15. *tap-on-the-wrong-shoulder trick*

16. WAZZZZZUP?

17. *Opening monologue from Ferris Bueller's Day Off*

18. I wanna live in your shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 Aug 14:19

approximately 1/12th of all death has occurred during august

Philip.paulsson

"Damn it, August"

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August 10th, 2015: FUN FACT ABOUT AUGUST: given the world's current population and death rates, well more than 1000 people will die every day in August. THANKS, AUGUST. Friggin' August.

– Ryan

10 Aug 13:11

godzilllla says FML

by godzilllla
Philip.paulsson

Is asking for cream cheese flirty?

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

10 Aug 13:04

13 Invisible Things You Definitely Missed At The First GOP Debate

by Sarah Burton
Philip.paulsson

For the first gif of Poop Mouth Trump!

#gopdebate #truther

There's a lot of stuff viewers caught on to during the first GOP debate. But there's also a lot of stuff they missed-- because it was invisible.

There's a lot of stuff viewers caught on to during the first GOP debate. But there's also a lot of stuff they missed-- because it was invisible.

Fox News / Via televandalist.com

For instance, did you catch when Trump conducted an orchestra in the middle of the debate?

For instance, did you catch when Trump conducted an orchestra in the middle of the debate?

Fox News

Or when Walker ate a banana split sundae but got a little chocolate fudge on his lips?

Or when Walker ate a banana split sundae but got a little chocolate fudge on his lips?

Fox News / Via vine.co

Ben Carson showed off his 5-dollar foot-long.

Ben Carson showed off his 5-dollar foot-long.

Fox News

View Entire List ›

10 Aug 12:59

Tell Us About Yourself(ie): Daniel Dae Kim

by Whitney Jefferson
Philip.paulsson

LOL
"What was the last awkward situation you were in and how did you handle it?

Being mistaken for Ken Jeong. By Ken Jeong."

What's your wallpaper on your phone and/or computer?

Andrew H. Walker, Larry Busacca, Kris Connor / Gettty. Andrew Richard / BuzzFeed

The wallpaper on my computer is a street art stencil of a panda holding two guns.

When you walk into a bar, what do you typically order?

Scotch, neat.

What's the one word you are guilty of using too often?

“You know…”

What is the last thing you searched for on Google?

The correct pronunciation of the word “larvae”

Who is the last person that called or texted you?

Wife. Who else?

What was the last awkward situation you were in and how did you handle it?

Being mistaken for Ken Jeong. By Ken Jeong.

When is the last time you went to a theater?

3 nights ago, I went to see the Groundlings in LA.

What TV show should everyone should be watching?

Bloodline and Silicon Valley.

And what is your TV guilty pleasure?

BoJack Horseman.

What's the first CD you bought?

New Order, Low Life – I’m an 80’s child. See below.

What is the one food you cannot resist?

Lobster.

What music are you currently listening to?

Alt.-J.

What movie makes you laugh the most?

There are so many, but if I had to pick just one - Monty Python and the Holy Grail

What drives you absolutely crazy?

Ungood Grammer and Poor Speling.

What's your favorite day of the year?

Today.

What was your first online screen name?

DKNY – It was my first email address. I would constantly get inquiries for Donna Karan.

What's your favorite emoji?

The huge throbbing heart, it always surprises me how big it is in comparison to the other ones – gets me every time.

Pick one: Kittens or puppies?

Puppies, Shibas in particular.

New York or Los Angeles?

New York

Comedy or drama?

Yes please

Bacon or Nutella?

I’m not obsessed with either but, bacon I guess.

Coffee or tea?

Tea

'80s or '90s?

80’s, see above.

Britney or Christina?

Seriously?

NSYNC or BSB?

You are serious. Okay, BSB, because I want it that way.

Beyonce or Rihanna?

Beyonce

Hannah Montana or Lizzie McGuire?

Lizzie McGuire

And finally: tell us a secret.

I really am Ken Jeong.


And make sure to catch Daniel in Insurgent, on DVD and Blu-Ray everywhere now.

10 Aug 12:34

26 Times Creed Bratton Was The Best Part Of "The Office"

by Sam Stryker
Philip.paulsson

So true.

“I already won the lottery. I was born in the U-S-of-A baby!”

When he was the epitome of tolerance:

When he was the epitome of tolerance:

NBC

When he needed to work on his short-term memory:

When he made this astute observation about international politics:

When he made this astute observation about international politics:

NBC

When he *tried* to wink:

When he *tried* to wink:

NBC

View Entire List ›

10 Aug 12:23

NASA astronauts will eat space-grown veggies for the first time

by Jon Fingas
Philip.paulsson

Nice.

Just because you're aboard the International Space Station doesn't mean you can avoid eating your vegetables. NASA has revealed that its ISS crew will munch on space-grown veggies (specifically, the red romaine lettuce you see above) for the first...
10 Aug 11:57

Anonymous says FML

by Anonymous
Philip.paulsson

Great name.

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

09 Aug 13:27

OMG Scotch Egg Burgers Are Real And Glorious

by Ailbhe Malone
Philip.paulsson

I'd eat that.

Eggsellent.

This is a Scotch egg burger, ie a burger that uses a Scotch egg instead of a bun.

This is a Scotch egg burger, ie a burger that uses a Scotch egg instead of a bun.

It's made by burger barons Yeah! Burger.

This particular Scotch egg burger is the Marco Polo. It's got an aged beef patty, manchego, lemon aioli, rocket and is encased in a chorizo scotch egg.

Marcel Le Bachelet mkjlb.co.uk

Veggies can opt for the Glaswegian.

Veggies can opt for the Glaswegian.

It's got Buttermilk fried tofu, Kim chi, wasabi & nori Mayo, within a mushroom & quinoa Scotch egg.

Marcel Le Bachelet mkjlb.co.uk

The burgers are intricate to make.

The burgers are intricate to make.

"Each burger takes quite a while", Adam from Yeah! Burger tells BuzzFeed Life.

"Especially the vegetarian Scotch egg as there's a load of prep making the mushroom and quinoa mix. From start to finish to make one burger singularly it would take about 25 minutes."

(This is the Dragon btw – a lamb patty, caramelised leeks, clamato beurre blanc, with a haggis & Kedgeree scotch egg).

Marcel Le Bachelet mkjlb.co.uk

"We did make a deep fried avocado ice cream and Kimchi scotch egg burger... That was definitely not for the faint hearted."

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07 Aug 19:19

What's The Greatest Sports Movie Of All Time?

by Rawan Eewshah
Philip.paulsson

Slapshot

Are you more of a Rocky Balboa or an Air Bud?

Even non-sports fans can agree that sports movies are some of the best out there.

Even non-sports fans can agree that sports movies are some of the best out there.

Flower Films

You've got your good natured comedies like The Sandlot.

You've got your good natured comedies like The Sandlot.

Where a preteen boy inexplicably doesn't know who Babe Ruth is.

20th Century Fox

Your inspirational tearjerkers like Remember the Titans.

Your inspirational tearjerkers like Remember the Titans.

What's more inspirational than Denzel Washington uniting a segregated high school football team in the South?

Walt Disney Pictures

You've got your sci-fi basketball crossover classics like Space Jam.

You've got your sci-fi basketball crossover classics like Space Jam.

Remember that time MJ retired from basketball and made a movie about aliens in his free time?

Warner Bros. Entertainment

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07 Aug 15:05

Star Wars Battlefront’s Fighter Squadron mode isn’t quite X-Wing, but it’s damn close

by Mark Walton
Philip.paulsson

This is exciting.

Star Wars Battlefront's new Fighter Squadron mode in action.

COLOGNE, Germany—I am an X-Wing pilot, flying high above the molten rock of Sullust, ducking my way through streams of green energy blasts. I am a TIE Fighter pilot, chasing down rebel scum with my impossibly fast ion engines and well-placed homing missiles. I am 10 years old again.

As someone who was totally obsessed with the likes of Lucasarts' TIE Fighter and X-Wing games back in the day—going as far as to persuade my parents to buy me a pricey Microsoft SideWinder Precision Pro joystick to get the "full experience"—Star Wars Battlefront's new Fighter Squadron mode is a wonderful thing indeed.

That's not say Fighter Squadron is a replacement for those earlier games; it's a far more limited affair. But in lieu of a full-fledged sequel to X-Wing (how about a VR remake?), I'll take it. Besides, Fighter Squadron has its own charms outside of just being really, really ridiculously good looking.

Read 8 remaining paragraphs | Comments

07 Aug 14:51

This Dog Keeping A Balloon In The Air Will Make You Forget Your Miserable Day

by Rob Stott
Philip.paulsson

OMG too fucking cute

The balloon is life, and we are all the dog.

Just sit back and watch this and think about your life.

youtube.com

We are all this dog. Juggling the intricacies, conflicts and duelling priorities that make up our lives.

We are all this dog. Juggling the intricacies, conflicts and duelling priorities that make up our lives.

youtube.com

Spinning plates. Juggling knives. Trying to keep your mind off the icy cold spectre of death that's constantly lurking in the shadows. All the usual metaphors work. But there's one important lesson in all of this.

Spinning plates. Juggling knives. Trying to keep your mind off the icy cold spectre of death that's constantly lurking in the shadows. All the usual metaphors work. But there's one important lesson in all of this.

youtube.com

Look how fucking happy this dog is.

Look how fucking happy this dog is.

youtube.com

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07 Aug 10:56

​A guy in the UK called the ISS from his backyard and you can too

by Sean Buckley
Philip.paulsson

That is pretty cool.

For most of us, visiting the International Space Station is little more than an impossible dream -- but if you know what you're doing, talking to the orbiting laboratory is surprisingly plausible. No, really: just ask Adrian Lane, a Gloucestershire...
06 Aug 20:59

You Can Get Semen-Injected Beer Now

by Brad Esposito
Philip.paulsson

Pass.

Cum again?

Supplied by Steve Drummond

The pub plans on entering the beer into the Brewers Guilde Awards in September, where judges would have to do a blind tasting of the semen stout.

The pub plans on entering the beer into the Brewers Guilde Awards in September, where judges would have to do a blind tasting of the semen stout.

The first stag the pub tried wasn't up the task, Drummond says.

"For some reason the first stag wasn’t able to deliver - stage fright maybe. Lagoon, which we believe is a superior Stag had no problems. The stag was serviced in a professional breeding facility in Kaipoi Canterbury NZ."

Supplied by Steve Drummond

Drummond says the majority of people have really enjoyed the beer and that Lagoon the stag (who supplied the, uh, semen) had a "very restful sleep" after he donated his part.

Drummond says the majority of people have really enjoyed the beer and that Lagoon the stag (who supplied the, uh, semen) had a "very restful sleep" after he donated his part.

"Everyone so far has swallowed and not spat... The beer itself is excellent. It's a creamy chocolate stout with coffee notes. The semen... well that's something you've got to experience to describe."

Supplied by Steve Drummond

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05 Aug 20:13

Worms WMD is the most Worms-like game Team17 has made in years

by Mark Walton
Philip.paulsson

This is probably going to be a buy for me. I loved these games!

COLOGNE, Germany—Much of my youth was spent in front of a flashing DOS prompt with my friends, trying to CD my way into the Worms installation folder in an attempt to to blow up said friends with an erratic exploding sheep. Yes, my computer skills in those days weren't exactly what you'd call "l33t hax0r," but getting the thing to load was all part of the fun. While that aspect of the game sadly isn't part of the upcoming Worms WMD, the ludicrously silly multiplayer fun most certainly is.

First things first. You're probably wondering whether the world even needs a new Worms game. After all, since the original was launched way back in '95, there have been an astonishing 20 sequels across pretty much every major gaming platform, from PC to console to mobile. The series has gone from 2D to 3D and back to to 2D again, offered up mission-based games, online multiplayer, and even a social version in the form of the now-discontinued Worms for Facebook.

The trouble is, few of those games have managed to capture the magic of the originals. For many, the series peaked with the 1999 release of Worms Armageddon (the third in the series), a game that took the core elements of the original Worms and gave them a fresh lick of paint in the form of crisp cartoony visuals. It's that game that forms the basis of Worms WMD, an Xbox One and Windows 10 exclusive arriving in early 2016.

Read 6 remaining paragraphs | Comments

05 Aug 19:21

Google and MIT can take reflection-free photos through windows

by Jon Fingas
Philip.paulsson

Nice.

Who knew that reflection-free window photos were suddenly in vogue? Google and MIT do, apparently. Some of their researchers have developed an algorithm that eliminates unwanted visuals by using frames from a short video to separate the foregroun...
05 Aug 14:50

Major League Baseball just signed a huge deal to stream NHL content

by Megan Geuss
Philip.paulsson

Yo dawg, I heard you like sports so I put some sports in your sports so you could sports while you sports.

On Tuesday, Major League Baseball Advanced Media (MLBAM) announced a $600 million deal with the National Hockey League (NHL), which will give the baseball group the rights to hockey's out-of-market TV broadcasting and Internet streaming.

According to Variety, Major League Baseball's tech branch will pay $100 million per year to the NHL for six years for the rights to distribute the NHL's out-of-market games in US markets and in some international ones as well. The NHL will get a 7 to 10 percent equity stake in MLBAM.

MLBAM isn't just about sports—the technology division supplies the back-end for online streaming services from World Wrestling Entertainment Inc. to Sony's Playstation Vue Internet TV service. In December, the platform found its way into headlines as Fortune reported that HBO would have to scrap its in-house online streaming platform for HBO Now after alleged mismanagement of the project by HBO's former CTO. HBO ended up signing a contract with MLBAM to bring the highly-anticipated standalone streaming service to fruition.

Read 3 remaining paragraphs | Comments

05 Aug 10:51

Bubblegum

Philip.paulsson

LOL

I came here to chew bubblegum and say no more than eighteen words ... and I'm all out of
04 Aug 18:31

Sports News in Brief: Fan Can’t Believe He Left 11 Seconds Into Ronda Rousey Fight

Philip.paulsson

LOL

RIO DE JANEIRO—Kicking himself for not staying all the way until the end of the fight and subsequently missing its thrilling finish, local mixed martial arts fan Marcos Acosta expressed both disappointment and regret Tuesday for leaving UFC 190’s main event between Ronda Rousey and Bethe Correia after 11 seconds. “The first five or six seconds were pretty boring, so I decided to just head out of the arena a bit early so I could beat the traffic,” a visibly disappointed Acosta told reporters, noting that the bout’s unexciting first tenth of a minute had produced little more than some jostling and light jabs, so he simply assumed that the rest of the fight would be just as uneventful. “I had no idea I would end up missing such a crazy knockout right after that. God, I’m such an idiot.” Acosta further lamented that he was ...










03 Aug 18:31

This Guy Just Surfed A Tahiti Beach On His Motorbike

by Brad Esposito
Philip.paulsson

Nice.

More like BOATerbike. lol.

Motorbike stunt rider Robbie Maddison has made history by surfing waves off the coast of Tahiti on a modified motorbike.

youtube.com

The stunt saw Maddison carve it up alongside other surfers and prove his worth on the Tahiti swell.

The stunt saw Maddison carve it up alongside other surfers and prove his worth on the Tahiti swell.

Don't worry, no one got hurt.

youtube.com

And speed across the water faster than anyone else.

And speed across the water faster than anyone else.

youtube.com

It's all pretty wild stuff.

It's all pretty wild stuff.

youtube.com

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03 Aug 14:31

Robot depending on kindness of strangers meets its demise in Philadelphia [Updated]

by Nathan Mattise
Philip.paulsson

Fucking Philadelphia, man.

On July 17, a smiling and seemingly harmless robot named HitchBOT set out to accomplish its dream—roadtripping across America through the kindness of strangers. The little fellow comes from a Canadian research team made up of students and professors at McMaster, Ryerson, and the University of Toronto, and in 2014 it managed to make a similar trek across Canada and parts of Europe.  The whole goal, according to the team, was simple: "to see whether robots could trust humans."

Tragically, about two weeks later, little HitchBOT learned a rough life lesson. According to the Associated Press, the bot met its demise in Philadelphia, home of sports fans who notoriously have thrown batteries at opposing players or snowballs at Santa Claus. At the time of this article, the specifics of what happened to HitchBOT remain unknown. Its creators are attempting to investigate, and HitchBOT's official site states details should be made available on August 5.

"The creators were sent an image of the vandalized robot Saturday but cannot track its location because the battery is dead," the Associated Press reported. "They said they don’t know who destroyed it or why. But co-creator Frauke Zeller said many children who adored the robot are now heartbroken."

Read 5 remaining paragraphs | Comments

03 Aug 14:30

PlayStation Plus members will soon vote on what games go free

by Timothy J. Seppala
Philip.paulsson

Cool!

Sure, PlayStation Plus subscribers are used to getting "free" games every month, but they haven't had any say about what the gratis titles would be. Until now. With Vote to Play, you'll have a chance to make your voice heard. PlayStation VP of plat...
03 Aug 12:01

Apollo 17 at Shorty Crater

Philip.paulsson

Nice.

Apollo 17 at Shorty Crater
29 Jul 23:46

A Man Moved A Parked Car Out Of The Bike Lane With His Bare Hands

by Javier Moreno
Philip.paulsson

This is awesome.

Yup, you read that right.

Ever see a car parked in the bike lane and wish someone would do something about it? Well a man in Brazil did — with his bare hands.

youtube.com

Facebook: marcos.mohai.50

google.com

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29 Jul 17:19

SF Crime Is So Bad Police Need Quad Bikes That Transform Into Jet Skis

Philip.paulsson

Nice.

SF Crime Is So Bad Police Need Quad Bikes That Transform Into Jet Skis

Cops on Segways are so 1993 and no one takes them seriously. That’s why San Francisco now has cops on quadskis, the quad bike that turns into a jet ski that turns whoever’s riding it into a kind of poor man’s James Bond. And at least one of them is being used to patrol the San Francisco Bay during baseball games.

Fans at last weekend’s Giants game were tickled by the presence of a quadski-straddling cop in McCovey Cove, the body of water that curls around AT&T Park. Those watching the game from their boats snapped photos, and the amphibious vehicles were even shown on the game’s broadcast.

The San Francisco Police Dept's amphibious "Quadski" in McCovey Cove (H/T @SportsGrid) pic.twitter.com/2ZCc749Dfq

July 26, 2015

#sfpd. I'm sure the cops will say they were zipping around Mission Bay on important police business but looked fun. pic.twitter.com/tPxlRxgfSq

July 26, 2015

The quadski is not some new vehicle designed just for keeping an eye on floating baseball fans—we wrote about it here at Gizmodo nine years ago, Jalopnik reviewed it last year, and it will be very familiar to fans of Top Gear. San Francisco has what looks like the Quadski XL, which can go 45 mph on both land and sea, and it now retails for about $50,000. But don’t worry, SFPD did not spend public funds on this, according to SFist: “The vehicle was a gift from Salesforce.com CEO Marc Benioff.” He gave three to the city.

The quadski has already made waves in the crime-fighting world, too. Dubai’s police force has its own fleet of quadbikes (OF COURSE). But beyond the flash-factor, is something like this really necessary for SFPD? Like how many times has a suspected criminal gave chase on a motorcycle through city streets then ditched the bike and leapt into a boat—except for that one time on Baywatch?

Although baseball does brings out the crazy in people and maybe, just maybe, a cop would need to act so quickly to save a life he wouldn’t have time to switch vehicles. Just the other day a guy jumped off the stadium concourse into the water to catch a home run ball. No one was hurt, but the quadski might have dramatically rescued him, towing him safely from the crime-ridden waters of McCovey Cove.

[SF Gate, SFist]

Follow the author at @awalkerinLA

29 Jul 16:31

A List Of Phrases In Which The Word "Time" Has Been Replaced By "Mmmbop"

by Grace Spelman
Philip.paulsson

Hahaha

Because why not.

From Genius:

From Genius:

genius.com

Mmmbop is fleeting.

Mmmbop is an illusion of human perception.

Mmmbop flies when you're having fun.

There are no secrets that mmmbop does not reveal.

Mmmbop passes irrevocably.

Those who make the worst use of their mmmbop are the first to complain of its brevity.

Perfection is the child of mmmbop.

Mmmbop is money.

Hide nothing, for mmmbop, which sees all and hears all, exposes all.

Mmmbop and mmmbop again.

It was the best of mmmbops, it was the worst of mmmbops.

Mmmbops Square, New York

A Brief History of Mmmbop

A Wrinkle in Mmmbop

Love in the Mmmbop of Cholera

Mmmbop Warner Cable

"If I Could Turn Back Mmmbop," by Cher

"Closing Mmmbop," by Semisonic

"Hit Me Baby One More Mmmbop," by Britney Spears

"Always On Mmmbop," by Ja Rule

Ceeeelebrate good mmmbops, C'MON

Distance = Rate x Mmmbop

29 Jul 15:12

love in the time of robots and perfect brain duplication

Philip.paulsson

Heh

archive - contact - sexy exciting merchandise - search - about
← previous July 29th, 2015 next

July 29th, 2015: Sorry for calling your body "noticeably nonrobotic"; I know it's probably a sore point. :(

– Ryan

28 Jul 16:04

9 Perfect Sex Positions For Single People

by Alanna Okun
Philip.paulsson

LOL

It takes one to tango.

The Reverse Fart-Whenever-You-Want

The Reverse Fart-Whenever-You-Want

Alanna Okun / BuzzFeed

The Big (Nutella) Spoon

The Big (Nutella) Spoon

Alanna Okun / BuzzFeed

The Inverted Where's-My-Vibrator

The Inverted Where's-My-Vibrator

Alanna Okun / BuzzFeed

The Haven't-Shaved-In-Months Twist

The Haven't-Shaved-In-Months Twist

Alanna Okun / BuzzFeed

View Entire List ›

27 Jul 22:25

John Oliver Wants The People Of Ottawa To Sleep With Their Spouses

by Craig Silverman
Philip.paulsson

LOL

“Don’t take this lying down, beneath some mulleted stranger wearing a wedding band.”

The recent hack of extramarital affair-facilitating website Ashley Madison revealed a shocking (and statistically questionable!) tidbit about our nation's capital: 1 on 5 Ottawans allegedly have an account on the site.

The recent hack of extramarital affair-facilitating website Ashley Madison revealed a shocking (and statistically questionable!) tidbit about our nation's capital: 1 on 5 Ottawans allegedly have an account on the site.

That claim made news all over. And last night it inspired a segment on "Last Week Tonight With John Oliver."

Ashley Madison

HBO

HBO

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27 Jul 19:13

Kidnapped

by Reza
Philip.paulsson

Heh

kidnapped