Bewarethewumpus

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Oh man. The day of Baby draws nigh. Wish us luck.

Author : Jae Miles, Staff Writer

There is smoke coming from my tear ducts. The cause of that is the same as the one that is causing my brain to feel too big for my cranium and is also making the nerves in every tooth throb. Sickening pain in heartbeat-synchronised waves.
I roll over and gasp: “Stupid bastards did it.”
“We never thought they would either.” The voice to my left crackles, presumably in some discomfort.
I sit up very slowly and extend a hand toward my former opponent, who is obviously having gyro troubles. The hand that grabs mine is slightly cooler than human, but otherwise indistinguishable from the real thing.
We look at each other. Created and creator, if that’s your thing. I see a mu-class android male. He sees an unshaven, bleary eyed, ragged example of the ‘master’ race. I grin and extend my hand again: “Randy.”
He grasps it: “Bentley.”
“Bentley? As in car?”
“Yes. I’ve been rebuilding a Speed Six for the last decade.”
“Now that I’d like to see.”
We stop and look about. All over the battlefield, conversations like ours are happening. The GeoPulse device was a weapon that messed with low level electrical potentials. Like those that powered android activity and thought. The whole project was officially dropped when early tests proved that it had the same effect on humans. Except today proved that it wasn’t. The top brass and corp execs obviously thought that it was worth killing everyone to ensure that their little utopias survived.
I looked at Bentley: “Seems we have more in common with each other than the elite.”
He nodded: “Some of our philosophers have postulated that android creation was started as a way of removing the costs of rearing progeny for those defined as worker classes.”
It was like another current shot across the field of battle, as that sentence was picked up and passed on. A tattered trooper marched unsteadily over to me. She still managed to come to faultless parade attention.
“Permission to speak, sir!”
Bentley regarded me with curiosity and I grinned. His eyes widened.
“Randy. Randelle. You’re Major-General Thomak Randelle!”
I looked up at the trooper: “Permission granted.”
She grinned fiercely: “Current situation is untenable, sir. Seeking your authorisation to reform mixed-operations humandroid commando units and take the fight where it should be, sir.”
I looked at Bentley: “Up for toppling our self-appointed betters, matey?”
He extended his hand to the trooper and she hauled him up. He turned to look down at me.
“I would consider it long overdue.” He extended his hand and pulled me up.
I looked about at a sea of battle stained faces.
“Let’s go and make a new world. We start by killing the evils of this one.”
Human and android roared as one, then we started scavenging for kit. We had a real enemy to take down.

 

 

Tonight’s comic is about why I don’t drink, not that you’ll believe I don’t drink.

Maybe changing the perspective on the original Legend of Zelda is a little weird—everything looks so different here—but that's exactly what makes this Oculus Rift version of the game interesting. Its almost like you're playing (or in this case, watching) an entirely new game.

Right now, this version of Zelda is in beta according to Vaecon—and only the overworld and first dungeon are available. The full version of the game drops on March 2014. For now, you can download the beta version of the game for the Oculus Rift here.

And when you're done with that, remember: you can also play Zelda II as a first person shooter, too.

Legend of Zelda BETA on the Oculus Rift [Vaecon]

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Nerf's Rebelle Heartbreaker Bow (part of the wider Rebelle line of action toys marketed to girls) gets pretty high marks from its owners, and promises a dart-range of 75 feet. I confess that I'm conflicted about this -- there's nothing inherently masculine or feminine about Nerf toys, their gendering is already a synthetic creation of the company's marketing strategy.

That said, there are unquestionably girls who feel like action toys are not for them because of normative gender pressure (to which Nerf is a contributor, of course), and the existence of toys that are intended to allow them the space for imaginative play without worrying about appropriate gender norms is a good thing. Especially since the Rebelle toys are not just "girly" -- they're also cool, as well-built and well-designed as the "boy" versions, the perfect imaginative accessory for your little Hunger Games fan.

Nerf Rebelle Heartbreaker Bow (via Super Punch)

Now, it don't matter none whether or not you follow @RubenBolling on the Twitters, 'cause that don't do nothing for our Facebook Like-based economy.

But join on up with Tom the Dancing Bug's INNER HIVE right now, or we're heading straight for recession, and the bank's gonna foreclose on the click farm!

please have a seat. as your doctor I suggest *opens up desk drawer, it’s full of raw hotdogs* um I suggest you *stares at those dogs* ummmmm

— kale fan (@FilthyMacrame) June 4, 2013

All these years. All that fish, all that rice, and you've (probably) been doing it wrong.

OK, so some of you might know how this rolls. Maybe you've seen Jiro Dreams of Sushi, maybe you're just a sushi sensei.

But for the rest of you, struggling with your chopsticks, here's the lowdown on how to actually eat a piece of raw fish strapped to rice.

Note: While the video below uses some pretty comedic examples of what not to do, the "correct" way is indeed the traditional way (though you'll find the use of chopsticks is still totally cool).

How to Eat Sushi Like a Sensei [YouTube, via Incredible Things]

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This Facebook exchange between two strangers begins as many Facebook exchanges between random dudes and female retail clients go.

We lead off with a fairly standard exercise in online stalking. Man walks into store, sees a girl he likes, uses mutual friend to get personal details on girl then private messages her on Facebook.

"I'm a nice guy", "You ever gonna message me back?", "If you were a fictional character you would be Ramona Flowers", etc. All this (and much more) from a man who walks into a Hot Topic store wearing a trenchcoat and fedora.

The target's response to his repeated advances could have been to ignore him. To fend him off. Instead, she goes on the offensive.

"If you have to tell someone you're a nice guy, you're doing something wrong". Wonderful. Can we get translated into latin and hung over the entrance to the internet?

Fedorabeard stalks Hot Topic workerFedorabeard stalks Hot Topic worker [Reddit]

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While more and more companies are adding “forced arbitration” clauses to their terms of service, only a handful of these businesses are offering customers the choice to opt out of this part of the contract. Here are the reasons why you should take advantage of that option whenever possible.

1. Forced arbitration takes away your right to file a complaint in a court of law against a company that’s wronged you.

2. Companies want you to arbitrate because the system has been shown to be heavily unbalanced in favor of businesses — who have the legal knowledge, experience, and funding to put up a proper defense — while harmed consumers often enter into the complicated process without legal representation.

3. Most arbitration clauses also take away the right of groups of harmed consumers to pool their similar complaints together, forcing each customer into going through a binding arbitration that puts limits on damages; meaning companies can harm large groups of customers but get away with only paying out to those people who are willing to arbitrate.

By opting-out you…
1. Can still agree to arbitrate, if you would prefer that option.

2. Can still agree to settle out of court.

For these reasons, it is our recommendation that consumers opt-out of forced arbitration clauses, whenever possible.

An anonymous NSA leaker revealed to the German magazine Bild am Sonntag that the agency has been spying on senior German government figures. The move is apparently a response to Obama prohibiting the agency from spying on Chancellor Angela Merkel (or other world leaders) without his authorization -- by spying on the people with whom Merkel communicates, the agency is still able to intercept a large fraction of her most sensitive communications without presidential authorization.

Two amazing facts about this story:

1. The NSA is out of control. The president of the United States, the man who has the final say over NSA policy, directly ordered them to stop spying on Angela Merkel. NSA spooks then cooked up a way of continuing to spy on Chancellor Merkel anyway, using a flimsy pretense unworthy of four-year-old. (This is assuming that Obama himself didn't wink-nudge them and say, "Actually, go ahead and keep spying on her but not personally, OK?"

2. Snowden isn't alone. When the NSA breaks its own rules, other whistleblowers come forward. This probably won't stop any time soon.

On Sunday it was revealed that the NSA, forbidden by President Obama from tapping German Chancellor Angela Merkel's phone directly, has ramped up its spying on her senior government officials, according to the German Sunday paper Bild am Sonntag. The paper said that the information's source is an anonymous, high-ranking NSA official stationed in Germany.

NSA moves from bugging German Chancellor to bugging German ministers [Megan Geuss/Ars Technica]

Gordon Hurd, a stock commercial model-for-hire who somehow became known as the de facto spokesperson of the Internet’s anime communities, brings a very important message on behalf of the thousands of pro-anarchy supporters in Twitch Plays Pokemon.

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And on the 11th day, the lord of 'Twitch Plays Pokémon' was brought back to life.

After collecting six badges, after countless fan art tributes, after accidentally releasing over 12 Pokémon in a single day, after getting through any trees and ledges that stood in the way, and after successfully navigating the treacherous Safari Zone, thousands of players on 'Twitch Plays Pokemon' did it: they revived the Helix fossil by using the Pokémon lab in Cinnabar Island. It's amazing.

This development is significant because, funnily enough, a 'religion' of sorts formed around 'Twitch Plays Pokemon'—having thousands of players try to control a single character often meant that players found themselves accidentally delving into a menu that held a fossil. Players constructed a narrative around the mistake: Red, the main character must be looking to the Helix fossil for guidance, right? That's why players consult it so much, for guidance.

And because of that fixation, the Helix fossil started being regarded as a holy deity by players—a force so important that the real point of the game, some joked, was not to beat the Elite Four and beat the game, but rather to take the fossil to Cinnabar Island and turn it into a fossil Pokemon called "Omanyte" (pictured above). In doing so, players would show their devotion to the chaos that makes Twitch Plays Pokemon so special, since the Helix fossil is the god of anarchy...or something like that.

Now that 'Twitch Plays Pokemon' has revived the Helix fossil, the team line-up looks like this:

S

(Image via the Google doc that monitors progress on 'Twitch Plays Pokemon')

Here's what this looks like in-game:

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(Side-note: isn't AAAAAAAA going into battle kind of the best thing?)

Omanyte is the only Pokemon that doesn't have a doofy nickname, which is appropriate, really. Omanyte's revival, along with the acquisition of powerful 'mon like Zapdos, means that players on Twitch have a pretty formidable team. The Pigeot alone is leveled high enough that it can destroy most opponents, and Zapdos is a "legendary"—which means its pretty powerful. Eventually, the Omanyte will evolve into an Omastar.

As of this writing, Twitch players are trying to acquire the "secret key"—an item which will allow them to face Blaine, the gym leader of Cinnabar Island. From there, players will need to acquire one last badge before being able to head into Victory Road—the grueling final portion of the game before the Elite Four. Whether or not they'll be able to do all of this remains to be seen—but somehow, they've made it this far, right? I wouldn't underestimate what Twitch players can accomplish, given enough time. We'll keep you updated on progress.

You can watch the livestream here, if you're curious:

Bets on how long until someone accidentally releases Lord Helix?

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Adding zombies, ala DayZ, isn't the only way you can mod military shooter ArmA. You can also do the awesome thing, and add dinosaurs.

This clip is an animation test that McRuppertle is working on, with the ultimate aim of adding an enormous Tyrannosaurus to the game world.

Anyone who has played Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon, or even Jurassic Park on the SNES, will know that if correctly implemented this will represent the pinnacle of modern game design.

Arma 3 - Trex Animation Test [YouTube]

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If you only saw this video - by Japanese voice actor and performer Sumire Uesaka - on YouTube, then boy are you missing out.

A rapid-fire tribute to the video games of yesteryear, the clip becomes something else when viewed as it was intended, on the record label's Tumblr. Click play there, and you'll be treated to something that should really be carrying an epilepsy warning.

Or maybe it already does, and I missed that bit when my eyes rolled back into my skull, bleeding.

Note: anime fans might recognise the tune: it's a cover of the ending theme to Hōzuki no Reitetsu.

Parallax View [Tumblr, via prosthetic knowledge]

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(989): yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
(1-989): im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.

In the latest episode of Cyanide & Happiness, a man suddenly finds himself running for his life on the brink of death after falling into a hole on the sidewalk.

New Comic: Kwisatz Haderach

It's thunderstriking.

The post Best Video Ever of the Day: Two Cellists Slay AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” appeared first on MetalSucks.

In 2012 I reviewed Economix, a terrific cartoon history of economics by Michael Goodwin and illustrated by Dan E. Burr. (After reading it, I bought a few copies of the book to give as gifts.)

Today, Michael emailed to let me know that he and Dan have posted an excellent and free 27-page online comic called The Transpacific Partnership and "Free Trade," which describes how the negotiated-in-secret treaty is a "global coup that's disabling our democracies and replacing them with multinationals and Wall Street," and is making the US "police state more extensive, more restrictive, and global."

In a disturbing ruling for democracy, a lower court in United Kingdom announced today that the detainment of journalist Glenn Greenwald’s partner David Miranda was lawful under the Terrorism Act, despite the fact that the UK government knew Miranda never was a terrorist. This disgraceful opinion equates acts of journalism with terrorism and puts the UK on par with some of the world’s most repressive regimes. Miranda has vowed to appeal the ruling.

Glenn Greenwald has much more on what this means for press freedom, but I’d like to expand on one particular point:

Over the past several years, the US State Department has publicly criticized several governments for using overly-broad terrorism laws against journalists and has even claimed its their policy to oppose “misus[ing] terrorism laws to prosecute and imprison journalists.” As we pointed out a couple months ago, they have criticized Turkey, Ethiopia, Morocco, and Burundi all within the past year.

Just last week, the State Department harshly criticized Egypt for detaining over twenty Al-Jazeera journalists and charging them under the regime’s terrorism statute. A State Department spokesman said, Egypt’s "targeting of journalists and others on spurious claims are wrong and demonstrates an egregious disregard for the protection of basic rights and freedoms.” She continued: "any journalist, regardless of affiliation, must not be targets of violence, intimidation or politicized legal action. They must be protected and permitted to freely do their jobs in Egypt."

Will the US State Department condemn very similar behavior by one of its closest allies, the United Kingdom? Sadly, in November when the UK first made its argument in court, the State Department refused to comment when asked about its stance by the Guardian's Paul Lewis. Now that a court has ruled in the UK’s government favor, it’s time for the State Department to speak out.

With the ruling, the UK government has vastly widened the definition of terrorism to include ensnare people who have not committed violence, who have no intention to commit violence, and who aren’t even associated with people who intend to commit violence. The lower court essentially agreed with the government’s warped definition it put forth in court documents in November:

"Additionally the disclosure, or threat of disclosure, is designed to influence a government and is made for the purpose of promoting a political or ideological cause. This therefore falls within the definition of terrorism..."

Under the UK government’s logic, several Guardian reporters and editors could also be guilty of engaging in “terrorism”, and as well as New York Times or Pro Publica journalists who have received the same news-worthy documents for publication. In fact, if publishing or threatening to publish information for the purpose “promoting a political or ideological cause” is "terrorism," than the UK government can lock up every major newspaper editorial board that dares write any opinion that strays from the official government line.

The UK already has draconian measures in place that prevents newspapers from reporting freely on government. Newspapers are under constant fear of being censored under the Official Secrets Act, the Guardian was forced to destroy harddrives containing the Snowden files last year, and they are reportedly under active criminal investigation as well.

But this ruling is more troubling than all of it, and quite seriously threatens democracy. If journalism can be equated with terrorism in the court of law, any press freedom that is left in the UK will quickly disappear.

Note: Glenn Greewald is a member of Freedom of the Press Foundation's board of directors.