Bewarethewumpus

gameraboy:

This is 100% accurate.

Peanuts, Jan 31, 1951

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Author : Roger Dale Trexler

Peterson peered out through the energy bubble surrounding him and surveyed the place he had arrived in. It was strange, this place, totally unlike his own dimension. The light was different. It cast a halo of yellow around everything, and it took his eyes a moment to adjust. When they did, he saw the scientists looking in on him. They were human, like he was. It was yet another surprise of many surprises.

He listened as the scientists talked.

“I don’t understand it,” said Professor Furia. “This man….” He turned and pointed at the man behind the glass “…should not be here.”

Professor Simpson nodded and walked to the glass case. “Have we finally opened the portal into another dimension?” he asked.

Furia replied, “I think so.”

Then, he turned and regarded Peterson.

Their experiment had been virtually fruitless till now. They had sent several short ionic bursts into a radioactive isotope. A strange reaction had occurred; but, beyond that….nothing.

Till now.

After a particularly powerful burst into the isotope, Peterson appeared in the isolation chamber. Everyone was dumbfounded. Little did they know that Peterson had been working in his dimension to fix the mess they made. Each time they exploded an isotope, they opened a breach in his universe. Their latest experiment had opened a slit wide enough for Peterson to come through, and he did. He surrounded himself with a stasis barrier to hold in his own anti-matter and stepped into the opening.

Now, he peered at the scientists causing all the destruction. Furia and Simpson did not understand that they had breached an anti-matter universe from within a matter universe. They did not see the disintegration of planets, the screaming of millions as they sizzled out of existence.

“He shouldn’t be here,” Furia said. Then, he pursed his chin to his face. “You don’t think….?”

Simpson nodded. He turned to Peterson. “Do you understand me?” he asked.

Peterson nodded back.

“How is that possible?” asked Furia. Then, he saw the small device attached to Peterson’s chest. He pointed at it. “Is that thing translating for you?”

Peterson nodded again.

“Amazing!” Simpson said. “We don’t have anything like it over here.”

The two matter scientists looked at each other. Their only thought was that, if they could get that device, they would be able to fund their research with it for the rest of their lives.

“Why are you here?” asked Furia.

For a moment, Peterson did not answer. Then, he said: “To stop you.”

“Stop us?” asked Simpson.

“Yes. What you’re doing is destroying my universe.”

“We didn’t mean to,” said Furia. “We just need to know.”

“Know what?” asked Peterson. “That there are other universes?”

“Yes.”

“Well, there are….and you’re destroying one.”

He touched something in his palm.

“What’s that?” asked Furia.

“I’m sorry,” Peterson said. “But I have to seal the breach. Forgive me.”

He looked the two scientists in the eyes as he flicked the switch that broke the stasis barrier between the matter and anti-matter universes.

As the three scientists sizzled, then imploded, the breach between the universes was sealed, and both universes were safe again….for awhile.

Author : Gray Blix

I know, I know, a blog is not the most effective way to warn humanity about an extraterrestrial threat, but I can’t get the mainstream media to take me seriously. I can’t even get supermarket tabloids to answer my phone calls and emails. Photos of UFOs or ETs would get their attention, but I don’t have any. I just have alien voices in my head, and they’re apparently not newsworthy. Too many other people are walking around talking to themselves, like me. Which is my point, actually. I used to avoid such people, but now I seek them out to compare stories, and I’ve found that a lot of them are possessed by aliens. Remember that movie about a guy who gets hold of some special sunglasses that allow him to see aliens disguised as humans? Well, that’s me! Except I don’t need the sunglasses. And the aliens aren’t disguised as humans. They’re communicating with humans. Telepathically.

“Possessed” is not exactly the right word to describe this. It’s not like those movies about demons taking control of people. It’s more like a Vulcan mind meld. But not a one-time link. An ongoing conversation. Like that movie about a guy who communicates telepathically with a girl’s brain in a jar. That was a comedy, but this is serious. Really. Yeah, I can see why nobody pays attention to my warnings. Look, forget all that movie stuff. Let me boil it all down to a simple message: DO NOT TRY TO COMMUNICATE WITH ALIENS TELEPATHICALLY. Don’t do it. Don’t even think about doing it.

Well, OK, I think it’s safe to read this one-page blog, but only to get the message about NOT doing that other thing, so that you can prevent the aliens from getting into your mind the way they got into mine. Long story short, last summer my girlfriend and I were sitting on the porch swing at my parents cabin just looking up at the stars, and we saw a light moving across the sky. I said it was a UFO. She said it was an airplane. I leaned forward and thought, hey, you up there, if you’re an ET give me a sign. It stopped. I fell out of the swing, and when I looked up again I couldn’t pick out that light from amongst all the stars. But they had picked out my mind from amongst 7 billion humans. That’s how they got in. I invited them.

Fast forward to the present. I no longer have a girlfriend. My parents think I’m nuts. I dropped out of college. Not a day has gone by that aliens have not communicated with me. When I’m not out aimlessly wandering the streets starting conversations with people who talk to themselves, I spend a lot of time in my room watching movies. The aliens watch them through me. They’re not interested in the contents of my brain anymore, having thoroughly reviewed my memories and analyzed my cognitive processes. At this stage, I function as a streaming media device.

One day we watched Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and I asked why they’d never abducted me. I know, I know, a stupid question. It’s like I’m always looking for trouble. Anyway, they said they don’t do that much anymore. There’s nothing left to learn about the anatomy of humans or cows or any of the other earthly creatures they have dissected. Their clinical interest is all about minds now. Or so they say. But I don’t think it’s our scientific value that keeps them connected to us. It’s our entertainment value.

Author : Jae Miles, Staff Writer

The lumen panels are set to ‘candlelight’ and the susurrus of the climate control system is muted to barely a whisper. The room is twilit, draped with banners from a hundred victories. In a depression on the floor, an ornamental pool has been reborn as a cushion- and pillow-lined nook for a wearied and bloody command couple to find a moments respite.

An indistinct figure with flaxen hair tilts a face of rare beauty to gaze up at the chiselled lines of a face that could have been hewn from granite – and would have seemed softer had it been so.

“How do I die?”

“It will be a thing of surprise and expectation, an act unforeseen, yet suddenly so obvious to those staggering with grief. ‘Such a bright soul could not last in the tawdry environs of today’, they will say.”

“Michael?”

“He will be as one felled by a mighty blow, but the need to be there for your armies will save him. Duty will ever be his salvation after you are gone.”

“Will I bring peace?”

“Alas, no. There will be a cessation of hostilities. A funeral so rare because of the theretofore unseen gathering of intergalactic luminaries. But then the recriminations will start and rattling sabres will counterpoint venomous rhetoric. The year granted by your death will be recalled as you bestowing a gift upon the troops, even in your passing.”

“What of my killer?”

“He – or more correctly, it – is a companion of doers and movers throughout history, a creature that feeds on the rare essences generated by true heroines and inspirational leaders. But all of that is merely entrée to the haut cuisine created by the storm of emotion over each notary’s death. Thus what started as happenstance has become modus operandi. It is the lover and killer of those who make mankind great.”

“Will it miss me?”

“Forever. Every slaying wreaks decade-long havoc upon its mind, for all that the ecstasy of gourmet fare thunders within. You will be sorely missed.”

“Can you protect me, as you have done so many times before?”

“To defend you would require the end of me.”

“I know my killer very well, don’t I?”

“You do.”

“I started with the wrong question, didn’t I?”

“You did.”

“When?”

“Close your eyes.”

The molecularly-aligned edges pass through sleight fields, body armour, dermal weave and titanium-laced bone with only the slightest frissance of impact. The resonance that realigns the edges is unperturbed as the weapon describes a swift reverse question mark in her heart, sundering chambers and cleaving erythrocytes.

She feels a quiver under her breast, but knows the knife is sharper than pain: death will take her before sensory trauma registers.

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DC Comics has announced that its March 2015 variant covers will pay tribute to some of the most iconic films of the past 100 years. Here, compiled for your viewing pleasure, are all 22 special edition covers, along with the movie posters that inspired them.

The covers were debuted yesterday by DC, Screenrant, BuzzFeed, /Film, IGN, and HitFix, and pay tribute to such films as Gone With The Wind, Free Willy, The Mask, North by Northwest, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Mars Attacks!, and a lot more. (Notably, most of the films are owned by Warner Bros., and all but three of the films were released in the 20th Century – the exceptions being Harry Potter, Magic Mike, and 300.)

Scroll down to compare all 22 variant covers with the posters they were inspired by. Keep scrolling for the full list of artists responsible for this incredible collection.

• ACTION COMICS #40 inspired by BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE, with cover art by Joe Quinones
• AQUAMAN #40 inspired by FREE WILLY, with cover art by Richard Horie
• BATGIRL #40 inspired by PURPLE RAIN, with cover art by Cliff Chiang
• BATMAN #40 inspired by THE MASK, with cover art by Dave Johnson
• BATMAN & ROBIN #40 inspired by HARRY POTTER, with cover art by Tommy Lee Edwards
• BATMAN/SUPERMAN #20 inspired by THE FUGITIVE, with cover art by Tony Harris
• CATWOMAN #40 inspired by BULLITT, with cover art by Dave Johnson
• DETECTIVE COMICS #40 inspired by THE MATRIX, with cover art by Brian Stelfreeze
• FLASH #40 inspired by NORTH BY NORTHWEST, with cover art by Bill Sienkiewicz
• HARLEY QUINN #16 inspired by JAILHOUSE ROCK, with cover art by Dave Johnson
• GRAYSON #8 inspired by ENTER THE DRAGON, with cover art by Bill Sienkiewicz
• GREEN LANTERN #40 inspired by 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, with cover art by Tony Harris
• GREEN LANTERN CORPS #40 inspired by FORBIDDEN PLANET, with cover cover art by Tony Harris
• JUSTICE LEAGUE UNITED #10 inspired by MARS ATTACKS, with cover art by Marco D'Alphonso
• JUSTICE LEAGUE #40 inspired by MAGIC MIKE, with cover art by Emanuela Lupacchino
• JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK #40 inspired by BEETLEJUICE, with cover art by Joe Quinones
• TEEN TITANS #8 inspired by THE LOST BOYS, with cover art by Alex Garner
• SINESTRO #11 inspired by WESTWORLD, with cover art by Dave Johnson
• SUPERGIRL #40 inspired by WIZARD OF OZ, with cover art by Marco D'Alphonso
• SUPERMAN #40 inspired by SUPER FLY, with cover art by Dave Johnson
• SUPERMAN/WONDER WOMAN #17 inspired cover by GONE WITH THE WIND, with art by Gene Ha
• WONDER WOMAN #40 inspired by 300, with cover art by Bill Sienkiewicz

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All of the big ISPs have been full of bluster about the FCC’s pending new net neutrality rules, but none more so than Verizon. Verizon is the company that sued in the first place to get the 2010 rule overturned, and they are the company that has been most aggressive with promises to sue again when the FCC actually comes up with a rule. Their main argument has been that strong regulation will damage their ability to invest in their networks — but it seems even Verizon’s own top executives don’t fall for that nonsense.

In a call earlier this week, Verizon flat out told investors that they were not concerned about the effect Title II regulation would have on their networks, the Washington Post reports.

One participant on the call asked specifically if a change to net neutrality regulations would have an impact on “the attractiveness of investing further in the United States.” And although Verizon CFO Francis Shammo reiterated the company’s preference for the FCC not to use Title II, he also made it very clear that even if the commission did so, it would have absolutely no impact on the company’s investment in networks (emphasis added):

I mean to be real clear, this does not influence the way we invest. I mean we’re going to continue to invest in our networks and our platforms, both in Wireless and Wireline FiOS and where we need to. So nothing will influence that.

Despite his reassurances to investors that Title II would not actually harm Verizon’s operations, Shammo repeated the company stance that Title II would earn the FCC a lawsuit, saying that “I think it’s going to be a very litigious environment” if the commission goes that route.

Verizon is not alone in their opposition to Title II. All of the ISPs have been staunchly against stronger regulation since the moment the 2010 rule was vacated, but their fervor increased following the President’s call for the FCC to use Title II. Immediately following the statement from the White House, the major trade group representing ISPs clamored that doing so would destroy investment, despite evidence to the contrary.

AT&T followed the next day by doing their best to make the argument that Title II will stifle innovation and block investment a self-fulfilling prophecy. The company dropped a not-so-veiled threat that net neutrality regulation would make them take their investment ball and go home when CEO Randall Stephenson told investors: “We can’t go out and invest that kind of money deploying fiber to 100 cities not knowing under what rules those investments will be governed.”

Of course, AT&T’s threat is and was somewhat hollow, as although AT&T has been considering perhaps expanding their gigabit fiber offerings to as many as 25 new cities, they haven’t started any of those improvement projects at all, yet.

The threat alone of stronger regulation is clearly a deterrent to further upgrades from AT&T. Except even without regulation, those upgrades have not exactly been forthcoming. So far the gigabit fiber expansion is more about good press releases than about good service to customers. And so, too, is the threat to take it away.

Verizon’s C-suite leadership telling investors not to worry about Title II confirms what the data have already shown: the claims about network investment are, at best, concern trolling and, at worst, disingenuous and hypocritical deflection. The FCC expects to be sued no matter what not because regulation will destroy private business, but because big companies want the ability to make more money at consumers’ expense.

Verizon: Actually, strong net neutrality rules won’t affect our network investment [Washington Post]

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What I've Learned from Two Years Collecting Data on Police Killings. D. Brian Burghart, editor of the Reno News and Review, has spent two years compiling Fatal Encounters, a croudsourced national database of police violence and publishing stories with his findings.

Saving money costs money. Period.

Some prosthetic limbs are so advanced they can be controlled by the brain, but no bionic arm or leg will ever be truly be life-like until they have "skin" that can feel. This new artificial skin developed by a team of American and Korean researchers,...

This Rottweiler puppy can’t get enough of its prisoner kitty.

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brentalfloss has released a new music video – this one is about EarthBound and Jeff and also has some neat graphics!

You can also get the song on Bandcamp here.

Thanks to everyone who sent in news about this!

From children's book to web series to Telltale adventure game to a four-year stint as an incredibly quiet thing, Homestar Runner was one of the first really important things on the internet. Where did it come from? Atlanta, of course.

Specifically Dunwoody, Georgia, where series creators Mike and Mark Chapman (the Brothers Chaps) attended school with my little sister. This is important, as it was a major factor in my getting an interview with the pair back in 2008. Only about half of the questions were "So how's your sister?"

Six years later, HomestarRunner.com is slowly returning after a four-year hiatus more-or-less explained in the video above. In case you have no idea who Homestar Runner, Strong Bad or The Cheat are, now is a very good time to hit up the website and watch everything. Every single thing. I envy you the experience.

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Author : Martyn Dade-Robertson

“How about AtJohnaxith?”

“What”

“AtJohnaxith. I know its similar to AtRachelsynth and AtJonoheist’s youngest AtJaneith but they won’t mind will they?”

“This is not a good time darling–aaaaa”

AtMarystrum lay back on her bed, arched her back and dug her nails into the arm of the attending midwife. AtCiscoric sat beside her, tapping absentmindedly at his compuroll and muttered, to himself:

“Crap. One hit. Already taken”

“Why do we have to do this nowwwww oh GOD!!!!”

“It just doesn’t feel right. The little guy can’t come into the world without a name. We should have done this ages ago”

AtCiscoric reclined in a Foamafirm birthing chair, looked out of the window and let the sounds of his wife’s labor wash over him. The gentle electropan-pipe music playing in the background and the dimmed lights were not easing his mind. This should be one of the greatest days of his life but it just wasn’t going how he’d planned.

“It was so much easier for our fathers’ generation. They just took from the measly selection of available names and put them together. With the addition of few extra vowels and the right consonants you could create something unique without too much trouble. Now it feels like very letter combination is taken already”.

“Cisci darling seriously…”

“As for my great grandfather. His name was John. JOHN! There must have been dozens of them.”

AtMarystrum was panting quickly now. The midwife consulted the fetal heart monitor app on her bracelet before flipping back to a game app in which she flung smiley-faced sperms at a grumpy looking egg. “Everything’s normal” she said – to sound professional. The bed would, after all, take care of the hard stuff. She was to birthing what flight attendants where to piloting. Leave the flight to the autopilot and serve the drinks. Although the drinks here were served by a machine down the corridor.

“Your twitter feed’s gone crazy darling.”

AtMarystrum, who didn’t have enough breath to argue any more, responded with a low guttural moan.

@Elizabtheen: go girl! @Marystrum
@Michamiliod: Have you thought about taking an existing name and putting two X’s in the middle. #Michamxxiliod #BBY_NMS.
@Margaranium: @Michamiliod Aren’t you supposed to be working @Marystum?
@Michamiliod: @Margaranium Hadn’t you heard @Marystrum has just gone into labor.
@Michamiliod: RT@Ciscoric: @Marystrum has just gone into labor.
@Elizabtheen: why haven’t you twtd in 2 hours @Marystrum?
@Rachelsynth: Don’t make it too long. You never get retweeted with a long handle #BBY_NMS.
@Janicooldomincohemp: RT @Rachelsyth: Don’t make it to long. You never get retweeted with a long handle #BBY_NMS.
@Franciltornalo: RT Janicooldomincohemp: RT @Rachelsyth: Don’t make it to long. You never get retweeted with a lo
@Elizabtheen: You ignoring me? Scrw you @Marystrum!

“They want a status update honey. Do you want me to tweet something on your behalf?”

There weren’t enough vowels to translate the noises emanating from Marystrum’s lips and bowels and AtCiscoric couldn’t find a suitable emoticon. He instead opted for the approximate translation:

@Marystrum: Nearly there!

@Elizabtheen: Push!

@Michamiliod RT: @Elizabtheen: Push!

@Margaranium: RT: @Michamiliod RT: @Elizabtheen: Push!

@Rachelsynth: RT: @Margaranium: RT @Michamiliod RT: @Elizabtheen: Push!

@Janicooldomincohemp: RT: @Rachelsynth: RT: @Margaranium: RT @Michamiliod RT: @Elizabtheen: Push!

@Franciltornalo: RT: @Janicooldomincohemp: RT: @Rachelsynth: RT: @Margaranium: RT @Michamiliod RT: @Elizabtheen: Push!

“AtCiscoric…Sir…Mr AtCiscoric?”

“Yes?”

AtCiscoric looked up, startled to be torn away from his data flow.

“Would you like to meet your son?”

A tiny figure was being cradled by the PostNatal’s mechanical conveyor which rocked him back and forth through the Blow-dry and Baby Shine. AtCiscoric put down his Compuroll and looked towards Marystrum, who’s pained expressions were now transformed to ones of joy.

“Would you like to hold him”.

His son, now swaddled in a white antibacterial towel, was offered up to AtCiscoric on the PostNatal’s elevated platform. Calm but gasping its first breaths, the baby looked up at its father. Its eyes were blinking and unfocused but recognizable to AtCiscoric as his own. AtCiscoric held the boy, struggling to grasp the enormity of the event and working out how he should react. Then he knew. Settling the baby down, he returned to his compuroll, logged out of Twitter and created a new account:

@Cistoric_2: Hello World!

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Dec. 5, 2014 -- A Delta IV Heavy rocket lifts off from Space Launch Complex 37 at Cape Canaveral Air Force Station in Florida carrying NASA's Orion spacecraft on an unpiloted flight test to Earth orbit. Liftoff was at 7:05 a.m. EST. During the two-orbit, four-and-a-half hour mission, engineers will evaluate the systems critical to crew safety, the launch abort system, the heat shield and the parachute system. Photo: NASA

NASA's new Orion spacecraft made a flawless launch, a glorious flight to space, and a "bull's-eye" splashdown today. The journey was "the most perfect flight you could ever imagine," said Mission Control commentator Rob Navias.

Watch the stunning launch video:

The entire operation was as close to perfect as it gets. The unmanned Orion craft launched successfully atop a United Launch Alliance Delta IV Heavy rocket today, Dec. 5 2014, at 7:05 a.m. EST from Space Launch Complex 37 at Cape Canaveral Air Force Station in Florida.

Orion splashed down some 4.5 hours later in the Pacific after a breathtaking test flight that reached 3,604 miles from earth, and in doing so, heralded a new era of manned spaceflight.

Exploration Flight Test-1 (EFT-1) is the first flight test for NASA’s new deep space capsule and represents a critical step on NASA's journey to Mars.

"There's your new spacecraft, America," said Navias when the Orion capsule prepared to splash down some 270 miles off Mexico's Baja California peninsula.

Don't miss our earlier dispatch from Cape Canaveral by Sawyer Rosenstein, and here's the official NASA blog with a blow-by-blow of today's wonderful, historic flight. Go Orion! Some photos from NASA today, in more or less reverse chronological order.

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The Satanic Temple is a controversial religious organization whose main purpose is not to worship Satan, but to bring awareness to the varieties of religious freedom in the United States.

The spokesperson and co-founder of the Satanic Temple, Lucien Greaves, was interviewed in 2013 about his motivation for creating the organization. When asked if the Satanic Temple is primarily a satanic or a satirical group, he responded

That is a common question. I say why can't it be both? We are coming from a solid philosophy that we absolutely believe in and adhere to. This is Satanism, and to us it couldn't be called anything other than Satanism. However, our metaphor of Satan is a literary construct inspired by authors such as Anatole France and Milton—a rebel angel defiant of autocratic structure and concerned with the material world. Satanism as a rejection of superstitious supernaturalism. This Satan, of course, bears no resemblance to the embodiment of all cruelty, suffering, and negativity believed in by some apocalyptic segments of Judeo-Christian culture. The word Satan has no inherent value. If one acts with compassion in the name of Satan, one has still acted with compassion. Our very presence as civic-minded socially responsible Satanists serves to satirize the ludicrous superstitious fears that the word Satan tends to evoke.

Recently, the Satanic Temple sent Satanic coloring books to the Orange County School District in Florida requesting distribution to children after a Christian organization was allowed to hand out Bibles.

The Satanic Temple also claims to be a strong believer in reproductive freedom for women. They are taking advantage of the recent Hobby Lobby ruling on religious freedom to seek a religious exemption for those who believe that women should not be forced to listen to information with no scientific basis prior to receiving an abortion.

The Satanic Temple's FAQ states in response to the question "Is this a hoax?":

So inured is the general public to the idea that there is only one monolithic voice of "the" religious agenda that any attempt at a counter-balance — or assertion of a minority voice — is often viewed as necessarily a mere targeted provocation against those who enjoy an unquestioned tacit assertion of sole squatters rights in the religio-political dialogue.

I believe in Jibbers Crabst.

View

ANNOUNCEMENT: We will cease taking Augie preorders on December 15.

Glenn Beck's readers are ever so pissed. In case you don't know, the Satanic Temple is actually an atheist pranking group.