Hpecker

Seriously.

Oh, Han

milesjai:

where the fuck do i get that drink

Mermaid water

There are too many rules to laundry! Some garments require dry cleaning, some are hand-wash-only, some clothes you have to clean by gently massaging them with sacred oils harvested from endangered butterflies. And then there’s ties… I don’t know what you are supposed to do with ties. I confess to never washing a tie. Is that gross??

So here’s my proposal: All-purpose garments for everyone. Just big futuristic jumpsuits that are spill-resistant and flame-retardant. I know I’m not the first one to have this idea, but this is the breakthrough: CAPES. If we want the all-purpose jumpsuits to be a huge success, put capes on them. No one can turn down the opportunity to be part of the brave new future of indestructible fashion, blowing majestically in the breeze.

Also you can pee in the suits.

ONWARD!

-wes

Yay, Vermont!

I had put together an Excel template for a client for recording project details. It’s a template I’ve used a lot in the past. My new client calls me…

Client: This form, it doesn’t work. I can’t use it. It’s fuzzy at the bottom.

Me: Fuzzy? At the bottom? How so? Do you mean it’s… I have no idea what that might be…

Client: Fuzzy, I can’t read the text at the bottom - it’s fine at the top, but when you get down to the bottom, it’s fuzzy. You need to change it so I can read it.

Me: Um.

Pause.

Client: Oh… oh forget it, I have my bifocals on. 

maptitude1:

This map shows iPhone vs Android usage in Washington, DC., with red representing iPhone users and blue showing Android users.

Article with more US cities

The trouble with faking your death is that after it’s all over, you’re still you. Were you running from circumstances that found you arbitrarily? No. You were running from a situation you put yourself in, one that you let build around you so slowly that you didn’t even realize it was happening. You were the frog in the pot, you were the hand turning on the heat of the stove, you were the water. You were the problem.

And what becomes of you after the coast guard drags your waterlogged “body” out of the Atlantic? Maybe you move around a bit, maybe check out the other coast for a while. Unaware of that dark cloud following you. Maybe you change your age, you still look young, no one would notice if you knocked a year or two off. And that dark cloud is growing. Maybe you start doodling cartoons in your spare time, and it accidentally builds a modest audience. That dark cloud is ready to bust wide open.

Maybe you search for the bravery to admit who you really are on your fart joke cartoon website, but you’re lost in the storm around you. Maybe you’re not strong enough…


BUT NOT ME, MY REAL NAME’S DALE BERNARD SIMMONS OF PLAINSVIEW, IDAHO AND I FAKED MY DEATH IN 1992 TO KEEP MY WIFE FROM FINDING OUT I FLUSHED HER MINIATURE POODLE DOWN THE CRAPPER.

-Dale “Tony” Simmons

Read more about this really terrible stupid law here. 

One of these is a curling iron. One of these is a vibrating dildo. If you own both, you’d better be really careful.

In composing a state map of New York in the 1930s, the General Drafting Company wanted to be sure that competing mapmakers would not simply copy its work. So the company’s founder, Otto G. Lindberg, and his assistant, Ernest Alpers, scrambled their initials and placed the fictional town of Agloe at the intersection of two dirt roads in the Catskills north of Roscoe.

Several years later, they discovered Agloe on a Rand McNally map and confronted their competitor. But Rand was innocent: It had got the name from the county government, which had taken it from the Agloe General Store, which now occupied the intersection. The store had taken the name from a map by Esso, which had (apparently) copied it from Lindberg’s map. Agloe had somehow clambered from imagination into reality.

Similarly, in 2001 editors placed a fake word in the New Oxford American Dictionary as a trap for other lexicographers who might steal their material. Fittingly, the word was esquivalience, “the willful avoidance of one’s official responsibilities; the shirking of duties.”

Sure enough, the word turned up at Dictionary.com (it’s since been taken down), citing Webster’s New Millennium Dictionary.

And as with Agloe, the invention has taken on a life of its own. NOAD editor Christine Lindberg, who coined esquivalience, told the Chicago Tribune that she finds herself using it regularly. “I especially like the critical, judgmental tone I can get out of it: ‘Those esquivalient little wretches.’ Sounds literate and nasty all in one breath. I like that.”

In 1899, British statistician Moses B. Cotsworth noted that recordkeeping could be greatly simplified if each month contained a uniform number of whole weeks. He proposed an “international fixed calendar” containing 13 months of 28 days each:

This makes everything easier. The 26th of every month falls reliably on a Thursday, for example, and statistical comparisons between months are made more accurate, as each month contains four tidy weeks with four weekends. (Unfortunately for the superstitious, every one of the 13 months contains a Friday the 13th.) A new month, called Sol, would be wedged between June and July, and an extra day, “Year Day,” would be added at the end of the year, but it would be independent of any month (as would Leap Day).

In 1922 the League of Nations chose Cotsworth’s plan as the most promising of 130 proposed calendar reforms, but the public, as always, resisted the unfamiliar, and by 1937 the International Fixed Calendar League had closed its doors. It left one curious legacy, though: George Eastman, the founder of Eastman Kodak, was so pleased with Cotsworth’s scheme that he adopted it as his company’s official calendar — and it remained so until 1989.

We Could Have Had Japanese Power Rangers!

she’s beauty and she’s grace, she’s miss united states

I must find her

sluttyoliveoil:

idcaboutostriches:

The weather forecast told us how many loaves of bread to get in preparation for the storm.

I thought it was snowing bread