Hpecker

luv-inu:

I can’t stop laughing 

I know a lot of our readers are probably younger than us, so I think it’s time I dispense some sage advice that you all might have heard before but have not truly taken to heart. So come on, take an eSit on Pappy Tony’s eKnee (this is the internet you cannot actually sit on my knee, it does not work that way and I am sorry.)

Nobody knows what they’re doing. People who are older than you, they may know more than you, but they are clueless. Everything we know is built on the decaying infrastructure of dozens of generations before us. And the longer things go on, the more there is to know and the fewer people there are who actually know it. The average person truly “knows,” like, maybe two or three things. Everything else? Weird-ass cultural hand-me-downs.

We are all sad, stupid, ignorant people. So treat your neighbor with respect, because he’s just as dumb as you.

T

My client is the manager of a nightclub.

Client: Can you do us a Facebook profile picture with XY and Z on it? And on the back can you list the drink promos?

Me: Um, there isn’t a back of a Facebook profile picture.

Beethoven is about as good a lyricist as Smash Mouth, evidently.

Love driving your manual-transmission car, but feel powerless when one of your hands isn’t grabbing the handle of a gun? This shifter knob is perfect for you, then, American.

How did I know you were an American? Just guessing, really. Just a guess. Please don’t shoot me.

flyartproductions:

Haters wanna be me, Soulja Boy, I’m the man

Boys playing soldier (1779), Francisco Goya / Crank That, Soulja Boy

How long do you have left?

This week, Jessica shares some thoughts on awkwardness.

via Kurt White

A fucking racist avocado, now I’ve seen EVERYTHING.

amyhartofey:

every drawing book ever

besturlonhere:

killallskellys:

I was on a swedish animal shelter site, and google decided to translate the names of the dogs.

that’s nice

thearcanetheory:

cianur00:

sam-winchester-cries-during-sex:

f-r-eckled:

im like 25% funny and 85% bad at math

that’s 110%

thats the best gif I’ve ever seen for this kind of thing

asmilinggoddess:

asmilinggoddess:

"failed" panoramas will forever be amusing to me

It is seriously crazy how this “experimental treatment” was just ready to go for these two folks only.

Want to play a game?? Okay, see if you can spot what these three things have in common:

• Having sex with someone for money
• Fighting a stranger
• Setting up boobytraps in public places

Give up? These are all things that you would go to jail for but are perfectly legal if you put it on camera. That’s right, between pornography, combat sports, and prank shows, we’ve proven that deliberately filming something makes it no longer a crime. It’s a winning formula, and I believe it’s commonly known that the enduring success of Jackass is finding ways to combine all three of those activities and getting it on camera.

Now that’s some hot knowledge right there. This means that we absolutely should strap a GoPro onto our heads, find the nearest 7-11, and start cramming our pockets with Snickers bars. “Don’t worry, mister clerk, it’s just a prank show! I was pranking you for my hilarious YouTube channel. Gotcha!” Be sure to say all of this while jamming Snickers bar after Snickers bar in your face.

So go out there and commit those crimes, and don’t forget to hit “record!”

wes

tastefullyoffensive:

[jhallcomics]

officialunitedstates:

faustsfancycorner:

officialunitedstates:

did tennessee the heaven hurt when you fell from the it

what

enough to break the ice