Natalie Gomez Dunker

Poetry tends to get a bad rap in our culture, for its obtuseness, its inaccessibility and its pesky habit of making us think and feel things we might not want to think or feel.

Yet poetry has the capacity to be the most life-changing of the arts. Poetry changes the way we see and experience the world, reveals aspects of our lives and loves we may have lost sight of, and opens us up to the transformative possibilities of language. In its astonishing yet simple way, poetry allows us to reconnect with a world that often feels like it takes us for granted.

The following poems speak to the emotions specific to different phases in relationships, from first-date jitters to decades-long loves to soul-crushing breakups. (Some of these are excerpts. Poems with links in the title will take you to the full versions.)

1. When you’re infatuated and everything feels intense, yet vague and uncertain.

“Let’s Live Suddenly Without Thinking” by e.e. cummings

let’s live like the light that kills
and let’s as silence,
because Whirl’s after all:
(after me) love, and after you.
I occasionally feel vague how
vague idon’t know tenuous Now-
spears and The Then-arrows making do
our mouths something red, something tall

2. When you’re trying to convince someone to go on a date with you.

Anything by Rumi, but this one in particular:

Come to the orchard in Spring.
There is light and wine, and sweethearts
in the pomegranate flowers.

If you do not come, these do not matter.
If you do come, these do not matter.

3. When someone's playing hard to get.

“Evil” by Langston Hughes

Looks like what drives me crazy
Don’t have no effect on you—
But I’m gonna keep on at it
Till it drives you crazy, too.

4. When you've just started dating and everything is playful and warm and sexy.

“Some People” by Wendy Cope

Some people like sex more than others—
You seem to like it a lot.
There’s nothing wrong with being innocent or high minded

But I’m glad you’re not.

5. When you are in the first blush of love and you want to shout it from the rooftops.

“Steps" by Frank O’Hara

oh god it’s wonderful
to get out of bed
and drink too much coffee
and smoke too many cigarettes
and love you so much

6. When you finally have sex again after a long dry spell.

“I Like My Body When It Is With Your” by e.e. cummings

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

7. When you find yourself thinking, “You know, there really aren’t enough poems about blow jobs.”

“The Platonic Blow” W.H. Auden

I plunged with a rhythmical lunge steady and slow,
And at every stroke made a corkscrew roll with my tongue.
His soul reeled in the feeling. He whimpered “Oh!”
As I tongued and squeezed and rolled and tickled and swung.

8. When you’re a queer gal who is tired of people asking you how “lesbian sex” works.

"Haiku" by Anna Pulley (Shameless plug!)

Picture foreplay that
lasts longer than a few seconds.
Now, add crying.

9. When you’re in a long-distance relationship or just missing your sweetheart.

“May You Always Be the Darling of Fortune” by Jane Miller

March 10th and the snow flees like eloping brides
into rain. The imperceptible change begins
out of an old rage and glistens, chaste, with its new
craving, spring. May your desire always overcome

your need; your story that you have to tell,
enchanting, mutable, may it fill the world
you believe: a sunny view, flowers lunging
from the sill, the quilt, the chair, all things

fill with you and empty and fill. And hurry, because
now as I tire of my studied abandon, counting
the days, I’m sad. Yet I trust your absence, in everything
wholly evident: the rain in the white basin, and I

vigilant.

(Free on Kindle!)

10. When you want to take your sweetheart out on a fancy date, but you're broke.

“Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven” by W. B. Yeats

Had I the heaven’s embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light;
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

11. When you want longing to overtake you.

“Let Birds” by Linda Gregg

Let birds, let birds.
Let leaf be passion.
Let jaw, let teeth, let tongue be
between us. Let joy.
Let entering. Let rage and calm join.
Let quail come.
Let winter impress you. Let spring.
Allow the ocean to wake in you.
Let the mare in the field
in the summer morning mist
make you whinny. Make you come
to the fence and whinny. Let birds.

12. When you’re fighting and seeking advice on how to grow together.

“On Marriage” by Khalil Gibran

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

13. When the years just keep getting better and better.

“Plain Love” by Adelia Prado, translated by Ellen Watson

Tough as old boots, plain love is scrawny, sex-mad,
and has as many children as you can imagine.
It makes up for not speaking by doing.
It plants three-colored kisses all around the house,
purple and white longings,
both the simple and the intense.
Plain love is good because it doesn’t grow old.
It concentrates on the essential, what glitters in its eyes
is what it is

14. When you’re in a long-term relationship and you’re stressed and have maybe forgotten how exquisite your partner is.

“Hand Games” by Marge Piercy

Mostly the television is on
and the washer is running and the kettle
shrieks it’s boiling while the telephone
rings. Mostly we are worrying about
the fuel bill and how to pay the taxes
and whether the diet is working
when the moment of vulnerability
lights on the nose like a blue moth
and flitters away through clouds of mosquitoes
and the humid night. In the leaking
sieve of our bodies we carry
the blood of love.

15. When it’s over, but you’re nostalgic and grandiose and just want to feel an ounce of connection to something, anything.

“Bay Poem from Berkeley” by Sandra Cisneros

Mornings I still
reach for you before
opening my eyes.

An antique habit from
last summer when we pulled
each other into the heat of groin
and belly, slept with an arm
around the other.

The Texas sun was like that.
Like a body asleep beside you.
But when I open my eyes
to the flannel and down,
mist at the window and blue
light from the bay, I remember
where I am.

This weight
on the other side of the bed
is only books, not you. What
I said I loved more than you.

True.
Though these mornings
I wish books loved back

16. When relationships and sex are the furthest things from your mind.

“Mock Orange” by Louise Gluck

It is not the moon, I tell you.
It is these flowers
lighting the yard.

I hate them.
I hate them as I hate sex,
the man’s mouth
sealing my mouth, the man’s
paralyzing body—

and the cry that always escapes,
the low, humiliating
premise of union—

In my mind tonight
I hear the question and pursuing answer
fused in one sound
that mounts and mounts and then
is split into the old selves,
the tired antagonisms. Do you see?
We were made fools of.

17. When it’s O.V.E.R.

“Orpheus, Eurydice, Hermes” by Rilke, translated by Stephen Mitchell

She was no longer that woman with blue eyes
who once had echoed through the poet’s songs,
no longer the wide couch’s scent and island,
and that man’s property no longer.

She was already loosened like long hair,
poured out like fallen rain,
shared like a limitless supply.

She was already root.

And when, abruptly,
the god put out his hand to stop her, saying,
with sorrow in his voice: He has turned around —,
she could not understand, and softly answered
Who?

18. When it’s O.V.E.R. and you could not be happier.

“Epistolary” by Jill Alexander Essbaum

Dear BLANK.
I shall be brief, but frank,

Terse if not curt, aloof, though unswerving—
What little we had amounted to nothing.

And yet I write you this missive, as if.
I sit on a sandbank as I scribe this,

For tonight the twilit beach is impossibly
Gorgeous. No wind, no fog, no moody

Sorts of weather. No the two of us together
Like the last time, but whatever.

And on the verge of this horizon’s indifference,
I watch as a ship slips into the distance.

And with it, my resistance to our over-ness.
Well, well. What a tideswell that idled between us.

The untidy-up-able mess
Of your meanness, piles of petty treasons

Birthed like broken promises, breech.
But I have not rung your cell phone now for weeks.

So our terminus no more consumes me.
And irrevocable dolors no more entomb me.

You see?
You have not ruined me.

19. When you’re struggling with your sexuality or identity or finding the right words to explain your heart.

“we all nourish truth with our tongues” by Dorothy Allison

I learned then that what no one would say
was the thing about which nothing could be done.
If they would not say Lesbian
I could not say pride.
If they would not say Queer
I could not say courage.
If they would not name me
Bastard, worthless, stupid, whore
I could not grab onto my own spoken language,
my love for my kind, myself. …

Then with no walls around us, you and I
will speak of truth to each other,
the soil that grows the vegetable
as deeply as the flower that never
touches the soil.

20. When the relationship wasn’t meant to be, but the sex was fantastic.

“The Word” by Dorianne Laux

You called it screwing, what we did nights
on the rug in front of the mirror, draped
over the edge of a hotel bed, on balconies
overlooking the dark hearts of fir trees

or a city of flickering lights. You’d
whisper that word into my ear
as if it were a thing you could taste —
a sliver of fish, a swirl of chocolate

on the tongue. …

And your voice
comes back to me through the trees, this word
for what we couldn’t help but do
to each other — a thin cry, unwinding.

21. When you have “mastered the art of giving yourself for the sake of someone else.”

“Say Yes” by Andrea Gibson

22. When you’re stuck, and your memories are your only pain and your only solace.

“Heaven” by Patrick Phillips

It will be the past
and we’ll live there together.

Not as it was tolive
but as it is remembered.

It will be the past.
We’ll all go back together.

Everyone we ever loved,
and lost, and must remember.

It will be the past.
And it will last forever.

23. When you’ve broken up, but can’t stay away.

“And Then” by Francesca Bell

the man remembers your body,
remembers to love you again,
flicks you like a switch
that has waited, ready
in the room’s shadows.
Loneliness rises from each
reclaimed centimeter
of your skin. You are so
eager you are humiliated,
rushing forth like a hound
loosed in woods, your cry
like joy or keening, a baying
that bursts out of you, months
of waiting become sound. After,
the man sleeps, peaceful, but you
are a door he’s opened, a path
grown over now beaten
back down. You feel his life,
which will end before yours,
slide slowly away into the dark.

24. When you’re grieving the loss of something momentous, but starting to feel okay about it.

“Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

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I'm an introvert. Always have been and always will be. My energy drains quickly when I have to be around groups of people for a long period of time and sometimes it takes days for me to fully recharge.

Though I love teaching and leading others, I hate being the center of attention and would prefer one-on-one interaction any day over being in a group.

If you are an introvert yourself, you know exactly where I'm coming from.

As an introvert and recovering co-dependent with this underlying desire to "please" people, there were times where I really felt unsettled and out of control. I felt like I just kept going down this assembly line of social expectation just because everybody else seemed to be doing it. Until, of course, I reached a moment where all I really wanted to do was jump off and run out of the building.

Not really the best way to handle things is it?

So here are a few general guidelines that I've found work for me to help maintain a balance between social connection and alone time:

1. Know that it's OKto leave a social event early. If you're at a social event and you are completely drained, tired, and all you want to do is go home and recharge, then know that it's OK to leave early. You can say something like, "Sorry I'm feeling tired so I'm going to head home now, so I'll catch up with you later".

There is absolutely nothing wrong in living an event early! Honor yourself by acknowledging your own feelings and you'll feel so much better.

2. Set one-on-one meet times with friends. If you're at all like me and do so much better communicating one-on-one than in groups, then set regular times to meet one-on-one with friends. Set up regular weekly meet-up with the same friend for coffee, lunch or dinner or you may want to switch it up as you feel is appropriate.

If your friend happens to be an extrovert, then they may not always understand your intent for "one-on-one time." So in order to avoid them bringing other people along, you can let them know that you only want to spend time with them. There's nothing wrong in saying something like, "Hey I'm setting this up so only the two of us can chat cause I really like just spending time with you. So if you don't bring anyone else I'd really appreciate it".

And if they ask if they can bring someone along, then there's nothing wrong with saying, "I'd rather you not bring them" if you don't feel comfortable with it right now.

3. Set some time in your week for your own "introvert time." If you're constantly around people at work or school and then come home to be around people again, then be sure to set some time for your own alone time. Exercise by yourself or spend some time reading or writing early in the morning or late at night. Perhaps even set time every week to paint, make crafts, play music, or some other hobby to do by yourself.

In America, it seems that the common place for introverts to hang out are at coffee shops. There is the noise of coffee makers and quiet conversation, but it can generally the introvert's dream place to read or do some extra work without being bothered.

If, at any moment, you're struggling to find a balance between your recharge time and social time and you're not sure what to do, then honor your feelings in that moment. If you are feeling drained or overwhelmed, then acknowledge that you are feeling that way and do what you feel is needed to feel better. You and only you have the ability to be fully aware of your feelings and are able to act in accordance to them. Nobody else can or is responsible to do that for you.

Take action now!

If you're an introvert, how can you adjust you day today to have more quiet time for yourself? Maybe get up earlier or stay up late? What can you do to help balance your relationships? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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Ladies and, er, …

Start again.

One hundred and nine gentlemen.  Captain Yu-er Phuct and his 218-member cabin crew would like to welcome you aboard this China Repatriation Airlines flight to Life Imprisonment.  We look forward to serving you in the best traditions of Chinese human rights.

Today’s flight time from Had Yai to an undisclosed destination somewhere in western China is scheduled to last 9 hours and 15 minutes in the air and decades and decades and decades in prison on the ground.

We apologize for any inconvenience caused by having to board the aircraft while wearing hoods, caused by limitations in local ground services.  A full terrorist restraint protocol including shackles of your hands and feet and duct tape across your mouths has now been distributed by the cabin crew.  Please do not forget to return this equipment to our cabin crew before disembarking from the aircraft as we will need it for the next bunch of unpatriotic whingers who thought they could escape the glorious People’s Republic.

We offer a full inflight personal entertainment centre with a wide range of films, information videos and games, which you are free to enjoy as far as is physically possible when you cannot see anything.  And as soon as this announcement is over, you will be issued with compulsory ear-plugs, so you won’t be able to hear anything either.

If you experience any difficulty in operating your inflight personal entertainment centre, please do not hesitate to call a member of our cabin staff, who will be only too happy to teach you what happens when you complain.

China Repatriation Airlines is honoured to offer our award-winning full menu of inflight meals and snacks with a complete range of dietary preferences.  Unfortunately, however, none of this will be available for you because if you think we’re taking your hoods off, even for a second, you’ve got another thing coming.  And as for the thought of letting you anywhere near even plastic cutlery, just forget it.

The cabin crew seated on both sides of each of you, however, will be served hot meals and we hope that the aroma of their food will satisfy your hunger pains even if you won’t be allowed to taste any of it.

We will shortly be displaying our inflight safety video, and we ask that you give this your full attention, even if you a frequent terrorist flyer.  Please note that in the unlikely event of an emergency landing on water, there is no life vest under your seat, you will never be able to find your way to the clearly marked emergency exits, and the amount of ironware we’ve padlocked to your limbs will ensure that you will sink like a stone.

Should cabin pressure for any reason begin to fall, emergency oxygen masks will drop from the overhead lockers.  The children among you should fail to put these on first so that the adults can fail later, leading to mass asphyxiation which will solve a lot of problems for the authorities who are waiting for you wherever it is we’re going.

Please note that there are toilet facilities provided throughout the plane though since we put you all in adult diapers before we set off, this is a total irrelevance to you.

Please note that in accordance with international aviation rules, this is a non-smoking flight.  Smoking is also forbidden in the toilets, unless some of you turn stroppy and the cabin crew are forced to use lighted cigarettes to burn holes in your flesh to ensure compliance.

Our cabin crew will be offering a full range of duty-free items during the flight including thumb screws, tasers, and a variety of sharp objects for inserting into bodily orifices.

On arrival wherever it is we’re going, you are kindly asked to contact our ground staff who will be happy to escort you through customs and immigration to your summary trials.  Please have your passports ready and also credit card details of your families in China because if you think we’re giving you a free flight, think again, sunshines.

This is the end of our pre-flight announcement; you will now hear First Officer Thang Yu-tai finalizing take-off procedures.

*    *   *    *    *   *    *    *   *    *    *   *    *    *   *   

Cabin crew cross-check doors and Uighurs locked and prepare for take-off.

Flight tower Had Yai, this is China Repatriation Airlines aircraft November Oscar Hotel Oscar Papa Echo to somewhere secret, request clearance for take-off.

Flight tower Had Yai to November Oscar Hotel Oscar Papa Echo, you are cleared for take-off runway 08/26 and General Prayut says any time and does this mean we get a discount on the subs?

About author:  Bangkokians with long memories may remember his irreverent column in The Nation in the 1980's. During his period of enforced silence since then, he was variously reported as participating in a 999-day meditation retreat in a hill-top monastery in Mae Hong Son (he gave up after 998 days), as the Special Rapporteur for Satire of the UN High Commission for Human Rights, and as understudy for the male lead in the long-running ‘Pussies -not the Musical' at the Neasden International Palladium (formerly Park Lane Empire).

Happiness is a choice. Like stealing. Almost as satisfying, too.

I am the rock. I shall not falter. I shall not tolerate jabronis.

I do not have the ability to change the actions of others, in the same way that jet fuel does not have the ability to melt steel beams.

My failure does not block me. My failure is not like an opposing basketball player standing in my way of the basket. But if it were, I’d be dunking over said player totally shattering his self-esteem and working the entire stadium into an erotic frenzy.

I deserve success; I deserve to be surrounded by gilded trinkets like some excellent pharaoh.

My marriage is becoming stronger each day, its beastly back rippling with new muscles, angry muscles, muscles with an agenda all their own.

I am horny as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore.

Business is the child’s sport of t-ball and I am a grown man completely owning everyone else, beer in hand, my son embarrassed.

I forgive those who have harmed me in my past and wish them luck boning 2s for the rest of their lives.

I am not sadder than a magician.

Peace and serenity surround me and I don’t think it’s paranoid to assume they are scheming.

Tomorrow is a new day — it has yet to exist. LOL, that’s pretty wild to think about.

I am powerful and large. I am huge. I am, just, so fucking huge.

Friends and family cherish me, they create a sturdy web of reinforcement, and trap the invading insects.

I am in my sexual prime and everyone can tell. It frightens them.

The world is my canvas; I decide which flavor of Mad Dog 20/20 to painfully regurgitate upon its landscape.

I could make up a better Scientology than that.

There is at least one person on this earth whom I can convince that I am legitimately a wizard.

I am my own master, I am in a dominant/submissive relationship with my destiny.

Last month The Australian National University’s College of Asia and the Pacific hosted the ANU Thai Studies conference.

The event brought together leading experts from Australia, Thailand and further afield to examine state and governance, suppression and violence, gender and social formation, and Thailand in the world, among other issues.

In this video, Thongchai Winichakul from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, delivers the conference keynote address. He talks about the trans-cultural influence of Thais educated abroad on both Thai academia and Asian studies.

Watch the full lecture in the player above.

La inquietud por derribar el extendido mito de que Chile “es el país donde peor se habla el español” empujó al lingüista chileno Darío Rojas a escribir un libro que expone las peculiaridades dialectales del país austral, “donde el castellano se habla distinto”.

“En términos puramente lingüísticos, en Chile no se habla mal, se habla distinto, si hubiéramos hablado mal habríamos dejado de comunicarnos así desde hace mucho tiempo”, destacó el joven profesor de la Universidad de Chile, autor del ensayo “Por qué los chilenos hablamos como hablamos”.

En Chile se dice guagua (bebé), cachai (entiendes), guata (barriga), poh (pues) o carrete (fiesta), se vosea -¿Cómo estái? ¿Qué querí?- no se pronuncia la ‘s’ al final de las palabras y se usa un tono agudo al hablar.

Pero esas notorias diferencias respecto de la norma estándar no son motivo suficiente para considerar que los habitantes de Chile hablan mejor o peor que otros países latinoamericanos, según el experto.

“Lo que explica esta valoración es la instrumentalización política de estas diferencias lingüísticas que se hizo en el siglo XIX”, explicó Rojas, excolaborador de la Fundéu, una fundación patrocinada por el BBVA y la Agencia Efe para el buen uso del castellano.

Uno de los protagonistas de esta cruzada contra los modismos fue Andrés Bello, uno de los fundadores de la República de Chile, quien temió que en América Latina, después de independizarse de España, pudiera pasar lo mismo que en Europa tras la caída del Imperio Romano, cuando el latín empezó a fragmentarse en distintas lenguas que llegaron a ser incomprensibles entre sí.

“Bello quería evitar esto y estableció que el habla modelo fuera el de las personas cultas, lo que en Chile se asemejaba al lenguaje de la elite social y económica, por lo que la lengua que circula en Chile se convirtió en una excusa para el clasismo”, sostuvo.

Ello derivó en una “condena de la forma de hablar de los estratos populares” que se prolongó desde la época de Andrés Bello hasta el día de hoy.

Pero, nada más lejos que corrupciones lingüísticas, muchas de las características de la forma de hablar de las clases populares chilenas son, según el académico, “formas legítimas que tienen mucha antigüedad”.

Página a página, el miembro de la Academia Chilena de la Lengua desgrana la historia del castellano antes de llegar a América y su constitución en el nuevo continente.

Los últimos capítulos del libro destacan las particularidades lingüísticas del castellano que se habla actualmente en Chile, cuyo origen se remonta a varios siglos atrás.

Este es el caso, por ejemplo, de las terminaciones verbales voseantes -tu amái, tu tenís, tu salís-, propias del lenguaje coloquial, que derivan de la segunda persona plural latino “amatis” (de amare ‘amar’), transformada en castellano medieval en “amades”, luego “amaes”, “amáis” y de ahí la forma voseante “amás”, usada por ejemplo en Argentina y “amái”, con pérdida de la ‘s’ final, usada en Chile.

“Gracias al conocimiento de la historia de la lengua española uno se da cuenta de que la idea de que hablamos mal es un mito que se ha construido a través de la defensa de intereses de ciertos grupos privilegiados de la sociedad”, remarcó.

La caída de la ‘s’ final, el seseo o el debilitamiento de la ‘d’ entre vocales y en posición final está relacionada con la gran influencia que tuvo el andaluz en Chile y en el conjunto de América Latina, donde los primeros españoles que llegaron provenían del sur de España o de las Islas Canarias.

La influencia de la lengua indígena es otro de los rasgos que caracteriza el habla chilena, repleta de léxico como “poto” (trasero), “trutro” (muslo), “palta” (aguacate) “papa” (patata) o zapallo (calabaza), de origen quechua o mapudungun, etnias a las que algunos atribuyen la particular entonación aguda chilena.

“El objetivo de este libro es que el chileno se sienta orgulloso de su manera de hablar. Debemos valorar la diversidad y tratar de superar estas dinámicas tan clasistas que se dan en nuestra sociedad”, sentenció.

“¿Por qué los chilenos hablamos como hablamos?”, publicado por Uqbar editores, será presentado el próximo martes 9 de junio en la universidad Alberto Hurtado.

The Standard

“I know I speak from a really comfortable position, but…”

The Tired Metaphorical

“I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, that’s something I readily admit, but…”

The Candid Philanthropic

“I know I have a fuck-load of money, but it gives me so much pleasure to be able to spend it on…”

The Feudal Metaphorical

“Most of my time is spent in an ivory tower, so when I get out I can see even more clearly that…”

The Spatially Aware

“From my penthouse’s balcony, I literally have a bird’s-eye view of economic disparity on the street below, so…”

The Humble Oxymoron

“Although I’m not actually entitled to have this opinion, I think that…”

The Appeal to Working-Class Heritage

“My mother had a very poor upbringing, so…”

The Conscientious Jet-Setter

“I regularly look out of the window of the taxi between the airport and the five-star resort in… and that has given me a way more holistic understanding about…”

The Outgoing Boarding-School Student

“I once did charity work in Africa, so I really understand…”

The Religious Affirmation

“God gave me all this, but that doesn’t stop me from sympathizing with…”

The Super-Ego in Denial

“Although I may have wealthy parents, due to the number of emotional strings attached to it, I totally relate to…”

The Everyman’s Boat-Owner

“I own a yacht, yes, but many Indonesian fishermen own fishing boats, so we both own boats, so I have that in common with them…”

Performance artist Moe Min adopted a modern take on the country’s traditional dances, combining the latter with the contemporary flair of well-known dancers like Michael Jackson and Mithun Chakraborty. (Photo: The Irrawaddy)

Moe Min was born to a family of Burmese traditional dancers and since he was a boy, he took part in on stage musical performances and epic dramas featuring the Jataka tales, which detail the Buddha’s previous lives. He went on to follow in the steps of his father, the famous traditional dancer Sein Mar Din, becoming a traditional dancer himself.

He rose in popularity by adopting a modern take on the country’s traditional dances, combining the latter with the contemporary flair of well-known dancers like Michael Jackson and Mithun Chakraborty. His skill won him gold medals two consecutive years in the dramatic performance category of a government-organized traditional Burmese performing arts competition.

Moe Min sat down with The Irrawaddy to talk about traditional Burmese culture and its modern incarnation, evolving performing arts tastes and prospects for Burmese dance making a mark on the international stage.

Which gets more support, traditional arts performances or modern musical shows?

It can be said that the two have an equal number of fans. People want to see and enjoy new things and are impressed by modern musical performances. Fans had seen enough of the traditional performing arts. But then, in this open age, fans have begun to fall in love again with traditional performing arts. So, the level [of interest] is at parity again.

Modern musical performances are often criticized. What do you have to say about that?

While some fans welcome and love modern musical performances, some people think that it goes against the values of traditional performing arts. They think that performers of traditional performing arts have to preserve cultural artistic heritage and if they don’t do so, they are not real performers of traditional performing arts. But artists will innovate and entertain with new things. It is their job.

In fact, it is the responsibility of the government to preserve the heritage of Burma’s traditional performing arts. Culture and heritage are a little bit different. Culture changes. Looking back at the history of Burmese culture, it has changed through cultural exchanges. Different categories of arts combined and evolved into a culture that encompasses the fundamental characteristics of Burma. The culture changes. If it can’t be changed, it is called heritage. The culture has changed a lot. It has become contemporary. Performers of traditional performing arts should inform the people that their dance styles have changed and merged with contemporary arts. Now, we are trying to bring about contemporary culture by combining our culture with the cultures of other countries.

What is needed to bring Burma’s traditional performing arts onto the international stage?

We need to focus on presentation if we are to go international. If we can modify our presentation to meet international standards, we will get attention from the world. For example, even Burmese people do not like duet dances. Why? We need to find out the answer. There is no interpreter or subtitles; foreigners watch the dance and don’t understand. They don’t know what the dancer is talking about.

To bring our traditional performing arts onto the international stage, we need to improve it in every respect. Otherwise, only Burmese people will watch it.

Traditional performing arts professionals met the president in 2014 and called for building theaters. How did the government respond?

We have asked [the government] to arrange theaters and venues for performers of Burma’s traditional performing arts. We want land plots. To this day, there is no entertainment zone in new towns. There should be a venue for any traditional performing arts troupe, any singer, or any entertainer in town. I don’t know why there has been no follow-up. It is the duty of those who are responsible [to follow through].

What are you doing as an artist now?

Now, I don’t have a traditional performing arts troupe. As a performer, I help traditional performing arts troupes if they need it. I have also established Anawmar Thukhuma Arts Service Co., and I serve as the secretary.

What is your advice to younger generations of traditional performance artists?

They need to be well-versed in traditional performing arts. They can’t lose track of the times and modern technologies, but at the same time, they can’t only focus on technology. Those who express vocally their love for traditional arts and culture are also focusing on materials and technology because fans love to see it.

It seems that performances are not complete without the use of materials and technologies. It seems that they are testing the strength of each other. In fact, it should be balanced. Skills and materials should be input equally. While the older generations need to hand down the traditional performing arts, the younger generations need to value the older generations and learn from them. Only then will they be able to preserve traditional performing arts.

The post ‘It Is an Artist’s Job to Innovate’ appeared first on The Irrawaddy.

Most store-bought cleaners contain chemicals that can cause not just eye and skin irritations but even cancer, asthma and birth defects. They can be accidentally ingested by children and pets.

According to the EPA, household cleaners can contain an array of hazardous chemicals, "including carcinogens, persistent bioaccumulative and toxic (PBT) chemicals, endocrine (hormone) disrupting chemicals, and volatile organic compounds (VOCs) that may pose risks to human health and the environment."

But these products aren't just dangerous inside the home. "Cleaning products are released to the environment during normal use through evaporation of volatile components and rinsing down the drain of residual product from cleaned surfaces," the agency says. The nitrogen in window cleaner, for example, forms dangerous nitrates that pollute groundwater.

And it's not just the chemicals in the cleaners that are a problem: The plastic containers require oil to produce and when the product runs out, that container ends up in a landfill, where it can take 1,000 years to degrade, all the while leaching out more harmful chemicals. When you look at their entire lifecycle, it's clear there's nothing clean about these toxic "cleaners."

Thankfully, nature has provided us with all the necessary ingredients to keep our homes spic and span without killing ourselves, wildlife or the environment. Just use these six natural non-toxic ingredients—most of which you probably already have in the kitchen—for a spring cleaning that's better for your health and for the air, soil, water, plants, and animals around you. 

1. Lemon

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade—or a perfect nontoxic household cleaner. A natural bleaching agent and deodorizer that will give your home a fantastic fresh scent, natural lemon juice also cuts through grease, removes stains, gives hard surfaces a beautiful shine and even eliminates mold and mildew. Dilute some lemon juice with water to clean stains on cutting boards and kill germs. Dip an old toothbrush in lemon juice to remove grout. Add some salt and you've got an effective cleaner for metal grills and a polisher for chrome. Soak plastic food containers in lemon juice overnight to remove smells. Put diluted lemon juice in a spray bottle to keep your kitchen countertops clean and smelling great. Who needs toxic chlorine bleach for the laundry when you can just add a cup of lemon juice to your load for bright colors, white whites and a lemony fresh scent? The list of things that can be cleaned by lemons is impressive.

2. Olive oil

Not just for cooking, olive oil is a great natural cleaner and polisher. Add some salt and you can scrub pots and pans. Rub it into leather to get scratches out. Add some lemon juice or vinegar and you've got a great natural wood polisher. The citric acid in lemon juice makes it perfect for dissolving tarnish. Use a cotton cloth to buff stainless steel and brass to prevent streaks and corrosion and get a brilliant shine. Use a halved lemon dipped in salt to brighten copper cookware. Plus, you can use it to lubricate all your kitchen appliances, from blenders and grinders to any cookware with movable parts—or even fix a squeaky door. And before you start your springtime gardening, spray some olive oil on your garden tools to reduce dirt buildup. With all this value (not to mention its culinary, health and beauty applications), it's no wonder that for the ancient Minoans, olive oil represented wealth.

3. White vinegar

The natural acidity in white vinegar makes it a great natural antifungal and antibacterial. In addition to being a fantastic non-toxic degreaser, it eliminates soap scum. Put on a white cotton glove and dip your fingers in a 50/50 solution of white vinegar and hot water and suddenly cleaning Venetian blinds and piano keys is a breeze. Dip a cotton cloth in a 50/50 solution of white vinegar and olive oil to remove water rings from wood tabletops. To clean and brighten rugs and carpets, dip a push broom in a solution of 1 cup white vinegar and 1 gallon of water. Use the same solution to clean brickwork. To get rid of tough odors like cigarette smoke, leave a bowl of vinegar in the room overnight. There are over a hundred different ways you can use white vinegar around the house.

4. Baking soda

You probably know that an open box of baking soda in the fridge absorbs odors. But in addition to being an effective deodorizer wherever you want to get rid of stinky smells, it's also an effective antiviral agent and surfactant that eliminates grease and grime. Use it as a scouring powder to clean countertops, sinks, tubs, bathroom floors and your outdoor grill. To unclog drains, pour some baking soda down the drain, and then slowly pour in some white vinegar until it foams. Flush with hot water and repeat until the drain is clear. To keep carpets and rugs fresh, sprinkle on some baking soda and vacuum after 15 minutes. Keep your combs and hairbrushes clean by soaking them in some water with a teaspoon of baking soda. And make your tile floors sparkle with a mop and a half cup baking soda in a bucket of warm water. There are so many uses for baking soda around the house you'll want to have some handy at all times.

5. Club soda

For a safe and effective window cleaner, fill up a small spray bottle with club soda and use a soft cotton cloth (a clean T-shirt will do the trick). If you need to cut through grease, add a little lemon juice. As an added bonus, club soda is a handy stain remover and polisher. You can also water your indoor and outdoor plants with club soda once a week: they love the minerals in the soda, which helps them grow. To keep your precious gems sparkly, soak them overnight in a glass of club soda. Plus, the carbonation in club soda makes it an ideal rust remover. For cleaning cast-iron cookware, pour in some club soda while the pan's still warm so the food particles don't stick. With these and more surprising household uses, it's clear that club soda isn't just for drinking.

6. Salt

You wouldn't pour salt in a wound, but pour it in white vinegar and you've got a powerful cleaner with a deodorizing effect. A solution of salt and club soda will clean and deodorize the inside of your fridge. For wine spills on cotton or linen, blot out what you can and pour salt on the stain to suck out the rest. Then soak the fabric in cold water before throwing it in the wash. Mix some salt into lemon juice to remove mildew and rust stains. To brighten colored curtains or washable fiber rugs, wash them in a saltwater solution. Use a cloth dipped in the same solution to brighten rugs and carpets. Use it by itself for a soft but effective scouring agent. With over 14,000 uses, salt is probably the world's most versatile mineral.

There are other excellent natural cleaners out there, like the vegetable-based castile soap, but these six will do just fine. Not only are they non-toxic and environmentally friendly, they are probably in your kitchen right now. If you want to get really fancy, add some essential oils like lavender or tea tree oil into any natural cleaning solution for an antimicrobial effect that smells great.

So for a healthy, easy, inexpensive and eco-friendly spring cleaning, gather these six ingredients, a few spray bottles, a mop, a bucket, some sponges and cotton rags—and a little bit of elbow grease.

Do you have any tips for a natural and healthy spring cleaning? Leave them in the comments!

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For some people, cooking is a joy and they can whip up delicious dishes like a gastronomical genius. For others, the smoke detector is their most frequently used kitchen appliance and the only thing they make is a mess (or reservations).

Regardless of which cooking camp you fall into, there’s an easier way to do just about anything in the kitchen. Need to boil an egg? Cook some grains? Confused on which knife you should use? Well, worry no more. There’s an app(ropriate) chart here for that.

Missing an ingredient? There’s an easy substitution.

Via: eReplacement Parts

Next up: No more conversion math!

Why do math when you have this great chart?

Via: visual.ly

Next up: What knife to use in every situation.

All knives are not created equal.

Via: Visual.ly

Next up: But when’s the perfect time to buy fruit?

Know when the produce you want is in season.

Via: Brainpickings.org

Next up: But how should you cook all that produce?

And then perfectly cook what you buy.

Via: Kidspot.com.au

Next up: So how long can you keep that lunch meat?

How long does food last? Now you know.

Via: dailysavings.allyou.com

Next up: Do you like it spicy?

Learn how to spice things up.

Via: Cooksmarts.com

Next up: Choosing the right oil…

Find the perfect cooking oil.

Via: Visual.ly

Next up: Say goodbye to store-bought dressing…

No more store-bought dressings with this easy formula for a simple vinaigrette.

Via: Cooksmarts.com

Next up: Get out the knife and fillet that fish…

Because fish should be filleted, not butchered.

Via: Wideopenspaces.com

Next up: How much water for a cup of rice?

Get your grain ratios right every time.

Via: TheKitchn

Next up: Want to make the perfect chocolate chip cookie?

End your quest for the perfect chocolate chip cookie.

Via: Handletheheat.com

Next up: How about the perfect egg?

Here’s exactly how to boil an egg.

Via: Bonappetit.com

Next up: But what if you’re vegan?

Replace the egg in vegan baking.

Via: Swansonvitamins.com

Next up: Break out the pressure cooker!

The no-stress guide for pressure cooking.

Via: Hippressurecooking

Got all that? Good. Now get cooking!

[Originally published March 29, 2013.]

A Holy Thursday in Late March/Early April,
0033 CE, 6:46 PM

Members Present:
Jesus
God
Holy Spirit
The Apostles
This dude Romaine

Agenda:

Set a course for the saving of all humanity.

Minutes are being taken by Billy McCann, Matthew’s work-study intern.

Proceedings:

The meeting is called to order. Jesus asks Romaine who he is and what he’s doing here.

Romaine asks if this is the meeting for Creative.

Jesus sayeth upon him no. That’s tomorrow.

Romaine thanks Jesus and announces he’s going to a club called Wicker Baskets tonight. He exits the conference room.

Jesus puts forward that he wants to sit in the middle of the table, and everyone should sit facing the same way.

The motion fails 7-6. But then Andrew changes his vote because Jesus has an ominous look on his face. Everyone now sits facing the same way.

Jesus begins by predicting that Peter will deny knowing him three times before rooster crows the next morning.

Peter looks up from his BlackBerry and says, “Sorry, what?”

Jesus passes out snacks and refreshments.

Bartholomew hesitantly eats a lot.

Jesus says that the snacks and refreshments are actually his body and blood.

Judas asks how that is possible.

Discussion follows.

Andrew says it was a bad investment decision to kick the i-bankers out of the Temple. He displays a 3-D, multi-color PowerPoint histogram indicating that Jesus’s P/E ratio is distressingly low.

Jesus stands by his course because his Miracle/Cost ratio is doing amazing.

James the Less agrees with Jesus and says that Jesus’s entry into Jerusalem while riding a donkey and wearing a hoodie got him major cred with twenty-something startup CEOs.

Jesus tells Judas he’s aware Judas has been posting on anti-Christian message boards under the handle “BeleagueredBeliever69” while he should have been working.

Judas says it was actually during his lunch break. He was sent a link by a friend and didn’t know what it was until he clicked it. But now his computer won’t start.

Matthew says if Judas betrays Jesus, he’s no longer invited to use the Apostles’ skybox at Gladiator Stadium.

Judas asks for a vote; the motion passes, 10-2. Peter abstains for political reasons (anarchist, believes only in consensus).

John shares numerous Excel bar charts indicating a statistically significant correlation between the Beginning, the Word, and God; and between John (he’s talking in the third person now), the Light, the true Light, and all that was made by God.

Peter asks John if he’s been Skyping with the Gnostics again.

John tells Peter to shut his stupid fish mouth.

Andrew tells John: you mess with my brother, you mess with me.

Thomas recommends that everyone watch the Gnostics’ latest webinar because about half of it is useful.

Simon the Zealot starts surreptitiously playing Angry Birds on a stone tablet and then excuses himself because he has to go to his daughter’s piano recital.

Jesus says that everybody should transform their frustration into Focused Strategy Attention—rule three from The Winners’ Guide to Winning Everything Imaginable. He offers everyone a relaxing foot bath.

Matthew calmly announces that he likes Jesus because Jesus is nice to people even when they’re mean to each other; he asks Jesus if he wants to come to karaoke night on Saturday at Wicker Baskets. Jesus says he’ll think about it, but hopefully yes.

James the Elder recalls the meeting to order and says that spreading the good news is all about the Three L’s: Learning, Leading, and famiLy.

John gets confused about the third L; and what if people don’t have families?

James the Elder appeals to his credentials: he used to be head of marketing at Antony & Cleopatra (before the asp-induced restructuring).

Matthew says fine, but is there any way to operationalize the Three L’s, possibly by thinking outside the box?

James the Elder says yes and passes out a Creativity Schematic with many, many arrows.

Jesus concludes by telling his disciples that some might not take kindly to their ideas about love, forgiveness, and worship.

Everyone says they’re strong and don’t mind.

Jesus says they might be heckled. They might be laughed at. They might get flailed, their skin might peel off their body, and then they might be crucified upside down. They might even be called mean names.

Everyone says they’re strong and don’t mind.

Philip says wait, what was that third thing?

Action Items:

Someone has to betray Jesus, though it’s still somewhat up in the air at this point. TBD next meeting.

Evangelize the masses.

Save humanity.

Next meeting, John is in charge of snacks. (Taquitos)

We might not be floating around in flying cars, but some of the things that exist today that we take for granted — cell phones, the Internet, automatic car starters — weren’t even on the radar just a few decades ago…and yet we rely on them.

Perhaps 20 years from now we’ll be looking at one of these 30 dubiously incredible inventions and thinking the same thing — “How did we ever live without it?”

Traffic Light Countdown Indicator

Serbian designer Damjan Stankovic’s Eko light incorporates a circular, visual countdown timer wrapped around the red light. Rather than enable quicker green-light launches, the countdown light would serve to de-stress drivers by providing them feedback of exactly how much longer they’ll have to wait.

Because no one would ever use this for nefarious purposes like racing, right?

Movie Theater Bathrooms with Screens

Worried about missing an important part of the movie because you drank too much soda during the previews? Problem solved.

Pizza Vending Machines

If you’re in a hurry or if you like avoiding human interaction whenever possible, this is the pizza place you’re looking for. You pick the toppings and it actually bakes the pizza for you right there on the spot.

Outlets with Extension Cords Built In

This 1.5 meter cord unfurls from a cavity behind its socket. When you don’t need extensions, it’s neatly tucked away. When you need it, simply pinch the sides and wind it out.

“What happens when it gets tangled up in the wall,” you ask?

Umm…good luck with that!

Drip-Catching Mug

The Drop Rest mug catches drips before they make it to the paper or surface of your desk. Capitalizing on the physics of surface tension, a thin groove keeps small, nuisance droplets in place so there’s no need to worry about coffee stains.

A Pen that Scans and Writes Any Color

Scribble, available either as a conventional ink pen or as a mobile device-compatible stylus, works with an advanced color sensor and microprocessor backed by LEDs that illuminate and scan anything you like.

Because, of course, there weren’t already enough options from which we could choose.

Rotating Park Benches

From designer Sung Woo Park, it’s a park bench that rotates with the turn of a handle. So if it’s been raining — or if you just don’t trust the person who used it last — you can rotate it around to sit on the dry side.

Lost and Found

Tile is an iOS app that syncs with small tags that you can attach to important belongings like keys, laptops, purses, and wallets to help you find them when they’ve been misplaced. With the app, users can track if they’re getting closer or further away from the tile (if they’re within a 50-150 foot range) and can also set off an audible alert to help find the lost item.

Just don’t lose the actual tile. That would kind of negate the point, so good luck with that.

New and Improved Way to Clean

Hop on, zoom across the room, and get all your boring chores done in record time.

True, you’ll look like a dork, but you’ll look like a dork with clean floors.

Expanding and Rotating Power Strips

Rotating 360° is a multi-outlet socket system that allows you to add many sockets to the strip – LEGO style. The main feature is that you can turn around the socket-outlets in any direction, so as to accommodate various plugs.

Plus, pretty colors!

Parking Spots with Open Space Lights

No more driving up and down dark parking lots wondering if that space is open when lights can take out the guess work.

And it will also take out the stream of profanity you’d spew when you pull into what you thought was an open spot to find a tiny motorcycle taking up 1/10 of the one remaining spot.

Create Your Own Six-Pack

Tired of committing to just one flavor? Create your own combo that you can take home with you.

Pay Subway Fares by Recycling

Beijing customers can insert a plastic bottle and have the redemption value of the bottle placed on their subway card, and then are ironically given a paper receipt. It’s the thought that counts, right?

Folding Bike Helmet

Now your helmet can take up less space once the ride is over.

Put this on your bucket list. Get it? Bucket helmet? Bucket list? I’ll show myself out now…

Stairs with Slides

Why should kids have all the fun? (Although the injury risk would probably negate any benefits, to be honest.)

A Charging Coaster

The Epiphany One Puck doesn’t just protect your table; it also charges up your phone without needing to be plugged into an outlet. It uses a small Stirling engine to provide the power. The device has two sides, one red and one blue. Place a hot drink on the red side, or a cold drink on the blue side.

The downside? Liquids next to electronics. I guess you pick your battles.

Trash Can Hoops

This is one way to try and stop people from littering.

It’s also one way to give short guys the chance to actually perform a dunk.

Solar Charger

Harness the power of the sun to charge up your phone – weather-permitting, of course.

So if you live in the Midwest, where winter lasts for approximately nine months more or less, you might want to pass on this one.

Rechargeable USB Batteries

Save money on batteries while also saving the environment. Win-win!

Water Bottle Filling Water Fountains

This makes it easy for you to refill your water bottles instead of trying to fruitlessly aim the stream in there on your own.

Now if they could somehow come up with a urinal that helped guide the stream, I think we would be all set.

Self-Sterilizing Door Handle

This helps prevent the spread of the most common illnesses because, let’s be honest, there’s nothing worse than wondering if the handle is wet because someone washed their hands or because they didn’t.

Wall Outlet with USB Charger

Reduce clutter and make things simple with the Power2U outlet that features two standard 125 volt three-pronged AC receptacles, plus two female type-A 10 watt USB ports that allow you to power up to four devices instead of yelling at inanimate objects to “hold onto their 10% battery life for just five more freaking minutes!” Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Laser Guided Scissors

Whether you’re working with paper, fabrics, or hair these Laser Guided Scissors will (attempt to) assure you have a straight-as-an-arrow cut no matter the surface.

This might be the closest I ever get to feeling like a superhero with laser-beam powers.

Pringles Picker-Upper

Never get your hand stuck in a Pringles tube again (and don’t try to pretend that it’s never happened to you).

Plastic Bag Stackers

You can stack plastic bags in these trash cans so you won’t have to mess with them and you’re never left without a liner.

In other words, look classy using plastic bags to avoid scraping gum off the inside of the trash can. Awesome!

A Brush You Can Easily Clean

Let’s be honest. It’s easier to just throw away the old brush and get a new one than try and clean out the hair. No more!

Pop out the old, put in the new, and continue on with your brushing.

Outlet Nightlight

This would turn outlets into outlet/nightlight combos that can light a path at night or make the outlets easy to find in the dark.

Perfect to light a path to the fridge so you can plug in the toaster in the dark and sneak in that midnight snack.

Earphones That Won’t Tangle

I have to think that whoever invented this wasn’t as annoyed with tangled ear buds as they were with jokes about tangled ear buds.

Regardless, These earphones use a zipper with the headphone cable embedded inside to stop you from damaging it with daily use. Any areas not protected by the zipper are wrapped in fabric, keeping them safe as well. At the end, you have a reinforced 3.5mm jack which stops the inner cable from fraying.

Backpack with a Built-In Hood

Have you ever thought, “I’m wearing this backpack AND a hoodie and I wish there was a better way?” Now there is.

The Puma Urban Mobility Backpack features a large hood (with colorful inner lining) on top and the sack itself features a two-way zip front compartment, a padded laptop sleeve with hook and loop closure, and multiple interior pockets.

Goggle Umbrella

You might look like a weirdo, but at least you’ll stay dry and avoid walking into a wall.

Featuring a goggle-shaped cutout, a piece of this umbrella’s canopy has been replaced with clear plastic. By doing this, the canopy cutout allows you to see the street ahead without lifting the umbrella out of the way.

Even George Jetson would be proud these inventions.

“Drunk in Cathexis”
Beyoncé & Bell Hooks

“The Heart Wants What Compulsory Heterosexuality Conditions It to Want”
Selena Gomez & Adrienne Rich

“All About That Bass Instrumentality”
Meghan Trainor & Martha Nussbaum

“We Found Love in a Hopeless Place (A Pedestal is as Much a Prison as Any Small, Confined Space)”
Rihanna & Gloria Steinem

“Internalize It”
Taylor Swift¹

“Invisible Work”
Iggy Azalea & Susan Leigh Star

“The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s Chandelier”
Sia & Audre Lorde

“Young and Subordinate”
Lana Del Rey & Judith Butler

“No Woman Can Call Herself Free Who Does Not Control Her Own Lookin Ass”
Nicki Minaj & Margaret Sanger

“On Paparazzi”
Lady Gaga & Susan Sontag

¹ Emma Goldman was initially slated to co-write, but Swift nixed her involvement, labelling Goldman a “hater” for her anarchistic disdain towards capitalism, and a “player” for her practice of polyamory.

Few of us are likely shocked by recent “revelations” -- if allegations of Woody Allen’s sexual impropriety can still be considered revelatory -- from actress Mariel Hemingway. In an exerpt from her new book, Hemingway recounts how a 44-year-old Allen romantically pursued her then 18-year-old self, including asking her to come share his bed in Paris. Though her parents “lightly encourag[ed]” her to take the director up on his offer, an unnerved Hemingway ultimately put an end to Allen’s courtship. Her allegation rests atop a pile that includes charges of child molestation by Allen’s adopted daughter Dylan and, at the very least, a highly questionable relationship with ex Mia Farrow’s adopted daughter, Soon-Yi Previn. (The two have been married since 1997.) Mariel, famously, played Allen’s teenage girlfriend in “Manhattan,” arguably one of his very best movies. It’s a film that has grown far creepier in hindsight.

And that’s the thing. Allen is proof that there are people who have made brilliant art, who have cultivated such loveable public personas, that we forget one essential truth: We don’t know these people. Not really. Artists whose songs soundtrack our adolescence and whose films have given us joy are rarely who we imagine them being. They’re just people. And some of them have done some pretty gross things.

Here’s a list of folks who fit the bill. While lots of stars have been involved in scandals (from Roman Polanski to Chris Brown), those noted here might be considered particularly intriguing figures. What’s more, their alleged bad behaviors have left them relatively unscathed. In some cases, charges may have seriously marred their reputations. But by and large, they’ve either managed to live them down or, at the very least, evaded prosecution. In any case, here’s 9 Beloved Artists Charged with Doing Terrible Things.

1. Sean Penn. Over the last 10 years, Sean Penn has become a man after our own bleeding hearts -- saving nearly 40 people from rising floodwaters during Hurricane Katrina, dedicating much of his life to doing aid work in post-earthquake Haiti, and making jokes about Dick Cheney being an “embittered bacteria of humanity.” (It’s funny ‘cause it’s true!)

And yet. There remains the nagging issue of Penn’s alleged violent behavior and spousal abuse. In the 1980s, outside of movies, the actor was fairly well-known for being “camera shy,” which is a nice way of saying he beat up paparazzi on the regular. In 1985, he landed in court for assaulting two British journalists; In 1987, he served 33 days in jail for attacking an extra who’d taken his picture on set. That same year, then-wife Madonna reportedly went to the hospital for “an X-ray after Penn apparently hit her across the head with a baseball bat.” (She’s said to have refused to file charges because he was already due to jail for the aforementioned incident.) In late 1989, Madonna filed a report with the Malibu sheriff’s office stating that Penn had essentially broken into their home and held her captive:

When she told him she was leaving the house, he tried to bind her hands with an electric lamp and cord. Screaming and afraid, Madonna fled from the bedroom. What followed was a nine-hour ordeal which left her deeply shaken. Penn chased her into the living room, caught her and bound her to a chair with heavy twine. Then he threatened to cut off her hair. According to the police report, Penn was 'drinking liquor straight from the bottle' and the abuse went on for several hours, during which time he smacked and roughed up his victim.

In the midst of all this, Penn reportedly went out to get more booze, came back a few hours later, and picked right back up where he left off. Per the report, he finally removed the ties “after [Madonna] agreed to perform a degrading sex act on him,” at which point she escaped to her car. Malibu PD then-Lieutenant Bill McSweeney is quoted as saying, “I hardly recognized her as Madonna. She was weeping, her lip was bleeding and she had obviously been struck.”

Penn faced battery charges until Madonna withdrew the complaint a few days later. The couple divorced shortly thereafter. Madonna reportedly said, “God bless and keep him -- but far, far from me.”

In speaking about his life with Madonna, Penn has recently stated, "I was an angry young man. I had a lot of demons and I don't really know who could've lived with me at the time.”

2. Gary Oldman. Almost no one has been as awesome in as many cool movies as Gary Oldman. On the other hand, as it turns out, Oldman allegedly beat up his ex-wife and definitely thinks Mel Gibson was just saying what we were all thinking when he made all those anti-Semitic and racist remarks. Which is much, much less awesome.

According to reports culled from a 2001 police report, Oldman was quarreling with then-wife Donya Fiorentino when she called the cops. In the midst of the call, the actor “allegedly pulled the receiver out of her hand and punched her with it,” striking Fiorentino in the face. Not yet sated, Oldman allegedly then “began to choke the victim.”

A little over a decade later, Oldman decided to use a Playboy interview as an opportunity to speak in defense of Mel Gibson and the million shitty things he’s said. Stating that “political correctness is crap,” Oldman suggested that those offended by Gibson’s numerous rantings learn to “take a fucking joke.” Then, clearly having forgotten the value of the phrase “speak for yourself,” he went on a bit of a tear, rhetorically asking:

The policeman who arrested [Gibson] has never used the word ‘nigger’ or ‘that fucking Jew?’

Clearly you have, Gary! He then paused to defend Alec Baldwin’s use of “fag” (more on that later) before really letting ‘er rip:

Mel Gibson is in a town that’s run by Jews and he said the wrong thing because he’s actually bitten the hand that I guess has fed him -- and doesn’t need to feed him anymore because he’s got enough dough. He’s like an outcast, a leper, you know?

Oldman stopped to briefly bemoan that fact that satirists like Jon Stewart can say things he can’t (“Well, if I called Nancy Pelosi a cunt -- and I’ll go one better, a fucking useless cunt -- I can’t really say that.”) as if we weren’t watching him say precisely what he wants throughout the entire interview. Then there was this bit:

At the Oscars, if you didn’t vote for ‘12 Years a Slave’ you were a racist. You have to be very careful about what you say. I do have particular views and opinions that most of this town doesn’t share, but it’s not like I’m a fascist or a racist. There’s nothing like that in my history.

Sure. And then there was the non-apology apology, which ended thusly:

I hope you will know that this apology is heartfelt, genuine, and that I have an enormous personal affinity for the Jewish people in general, and those specifically in my life. The Jewish People, persecuted thorough the ages, are the first to hear God’s voice, and surely are the chosen people.

I would like to sign off with “Shalom Aleichem” -- but under the circumstances, perhaps today I lose the right to use that phrase, so I will wish you all peace...

This seems like as fitting a place as any to close.

3. Alec Baldwin. There may be no better “SNL” host and guest than Alec Baldwin, and the man was straight up consistently genius on “30 Rock.” His self-mockery after getting kicked off a plane for refusing to turn off his phone and end a game of “Words With Friends” was brilliant. Conservatives hate him, which makes it difficult not to love him, deeply and passionately, by default. Except for, you know, a few trouble spots.

There was the time he left his ‘tween daughter a voicemail where he called her “a rude, thoughtless little pig” and told her she didn’t “have the brains or the decency as a human being.” A message that went on like this:

I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old, or 11 years old, or that you're a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do as far as I'm concerned.

There were other moments of public hot-headedness, too -- flare ups with paparazzi and such -- but the most problematic aspect of those incidents was Baldwin’s repeated use of a homophobic slur. As New York Magazine recounts:

In 1992, Baldwin called a horse-drawn-carriage driver a "faggot" for supporting the expansion of carriage rides outside of Central Park. In September of 2011, Baldwin referred to a Starbucks barista as an "uptight queen." In June of 2012, Baldwin called Daily News editor-in-chief Colin Myler an "English Queen." In June of 2013, Baldwin called Daily Mail journalist George Stark a "toxic little queen" who would "dig it" if Baldwin stuck his foot up his ass.

And in late 2013, Baldwin was accused of calling another photographer a “cocksucking fag,” though the actor swore he’d actually called the man a “cocksucking fathead.” In any case, the incident got him him fired from his late night MSNBC talk show “Up Late with Alec Baldwin." It also inspired a lengthy piece penned by Baldwin himself in which he called Rachel Maddow a “phony,” Anderson Cooper “the self-appointed Jack Valenti of gay media culture,” and TMZ honcho Harvey Levin a “cretinous barnacle on the press.” (That last one seems not far off.) He also said MSNBC was “ full of shit” and that he now “loathe[s] and despise[s] the media in a way [he] did not think possible.”

4. Bill Murray. In a career spanning more than four decades, Bill Murray has become an icon of both comedy and cool, appearing in at least one of everyone’s favorite films and generally behaving like a lovable, avuncular kook. (Crashing total strangers' bachelor parties, dancing to “Turn Down for What” at Average Joes’ birthdays, and randomly popping up at kickball games.) So this is going to be rough, but let’s get right down to it, shall we?

In a 2008 divorce filing obtained by The Smoking Gun, Murray’s ex-wife Jennifer accused her then-husband of “adultery, addiction to marijuana and alcohol, abusive behavior, physical abuse, sexual addictions and frequent abandonment." More specifically, Jennifer alleged that in 2007, Murray had “hit her in the face,” and that he “told her she was 'lucky he didn't kill her.'"

She also requested a restraining order against her estranged husband, who she said “repeatedly...left threatening voice messages on the home telephone which the minor children have heard." She also said that Murray frequently went on trips, both domestic and international, without mentioning his travel plans to her. She stated that on these overseas trips, “he engages in public and private altercations and sexual liaisons."

The allegations were ultimately withdrawn, but the couple’s divorce was granted in June 2008.

5. Bill Cosby. For a good while there, Bill Cosby was “America’s Dad.” The Huxtables owned television from the mid-1980s to the early 1990s, and in reruns, "The Cosby Show" became an even more cherished national treasure. Cosby -- peddler of Jell-O products and, later, respectability politics -- was a cultural icon. Though there were rumors about the comedian and sexual assault for many years (going back decades, according to some sources), the dam didn’t break until a bit by comedian Hannibal Buress went viral in late 2014. In it, Buress called out Cosby as a “rapist” and encouraged everyone to Google it, which the entire country apparently did.

In the months since there has been a deluge, and then a slow but steady trickle, of women coming forward with allegations of rape and sexual assault against Cosby dating back 50 years. Most of the stories are remarkably similar, and involve Cosby slipping drugs into women’s drinks, then sexually abusing them. With two new women having come forward in just the last few days, Cosby’s tally stands -- we think -- at 37. It makes you wonder how he ever found time to make comedy or appear on TV.

6. Morrissey. In the late 1980s and early 1990s, there was a t-shirt that was popular in alternative music scenes which read: “MORRISSEY IS A TWAT.” The founder of the Smiths, indie god and “Pope of Mope” has always been a tiring mix of musical visionary and needling provocateur. Here are some quotes from Morrissey over the years, which speak for themselves.

• Writing about racism in 1977, according to Johnny Rogan’s biography: "I don't hate Pakistanis, but I dislike them immensely."
• Speaking about “black music” in 1986: "Raggae...is to me the most racist music in the entire world. It’s an absolute total glorification of black supremacy. But, ultimately, I don’t have very much cast iron opinions on black music other than black modern music, which I detest. I detest Stevie Wonder. I think Diana Ross is awful. I hate all those records in the Top 40 -- Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston. I think they’re vile in the extreme. In essence this music doesn’t say anything whatsoever."
• Speaking on Britain’s "immigration explosion" in 2007: “If you walk through Knightsbridge on any bland day of the week you won't hear an English accent. You'll hear every accent under the sun apart from the British accent. England is a memory now. The gates are flooded and anybody can have access to England and join in." (Note that, despite having no actual quibbles with the quotes as presented, Morrissey sued the NME for framing his remarks as racist.)
• Speaking about animal rights in China in 2010: “You can't help but feel that the Chinese are a subspecies.”
• Speaking on eating meat in 2014: “I see no difference between eating animals and paedophilia. They are both rape, violence, murder” and “If you believe in the [slaughterhouse] then you would support Auschwitz. There's no difference."

7. R. Kelly. Simultaneously a darling of R&B and indie audiences, R. Kelly has recorded some of the most recognizable music of the last quarter century. He has also managed to maintain his career despite a long and well-documented history of alleged sexual abuse toward very young girls. Only recently, when the case was revisited by music writer Jessica Hopper in a 2013 Village Voice piece, did the charges against Kelly gain traction in a notable way. Even so, that same year, he headlined the Pitchfork and Bonnaroo music festivals and recorded a song with Lady Gaga.

According to several sources, in 1994, Kelly married late R&B singer Aaliyah. She was 15 and he was 27, though the marriage license were falsified to state that she was 18. In the press, the two maintained that they weren’t married, even as Aaliyah filed to have the record expunged. The marriage was ultimately annulled after Aaliyah stated, on the record, that the two had lied about her age.

And then there are the countless charges made by very young women across Kelly’s hometown of Chicago. Former Chicago Sun-Times reporter Jim DeRogatis conducted an exhaustive investigation of Kelly’s alleged sexual involvement with girls as young as 14, compiling them into a lengthy list as early as 2000. Among the evidence cited was a video showing Kelly performing various sex acts on what appeared to be an underage girl -- acts including peeing on the girl’s face and in her mouth. Kelly would ultimately be tried, and acquitted, on 14 counts.

The singer will likely never face another trial. But DeRogatis has been an unwavering advocate for Kelly’s alleged victims, recounting stories of attempted suicide, abortion and depression as part of the fallout from the singer’s predation. Hopper’s article renewed interest in the case, and the Internet facilitated its proliferation in a way it never had before. But audiences remain divided on the charges against Kelly. And DeRogatis, in attempting to understand why the charges -- which had been well-known for many years -- were shrugged off by so many for so long, attributes it to racism and misogyny. Said the writer in 2013:

The saddest fact I've learned is: Nobody matters less to our society than young black women. Nobody. They have any complaint about the way they are treated: They are "bitches, hos, and gold-diggers," plain and simple. Kelly never misbehaved with a single white girl who sued him or that we know of. Mark Anthony Neal, the African-American scholar, makes this point: one white girl in Winnetka and the story would have been different.

Kelly’s last album, 2013’s "Black Panties," debuted at Number 4 on the Billboard 200 chart.

8. John Lennon. Look -- no one’s denying that John Lennon wrote a bunch of fucking brilliant songs, both with the Beatles and as a solo artist. But he was also, self-admittedly and according to multiple sources, a really huge asshole.

For starters, he beat his first wife, Cynthia. This isn’t tabloid rumors or conjecture -- John admitted so himself in a 1980 interview with Playboy. Lennon said, quote, “I used to be cruel to my woman, and physically -- any woman. I was a hitter. I couldn't express myself and I hit.” He also said, “I will have to be a lot older before I can face in public how I treated women as a youngster.”

And by most accounts, he was a shitty father to his oldest son, Julian. In the aforementioned interview, John said that Julian’s existence was the result of either “a bottle of whiskey or because they didn't have pills in those days.” In court papers filed during the demise of Lennon’s first marriage in 1968, housekeeper Dorothy Jarlett stated that “John seemed too severe with Julian” and “would often smack him.” In her 2006 book John, Cynthia suggested Lennon could be cruel to son Sean as well, and gave a more detailed picture of his callousness toward Julian:

“John's erratic behaviour around Julian continued -- fun one moment and violent anger the next. And he could be like this with Sean too, reducing the little boy to tears of terror. Fred Seaman, or sometimes Yoko, would act as a buffer when John lost his temper. Julian was constantly on tenterhooks, sensing that an eruption was coming and retreating to his room in the hope of avoiding it.

One incident in particular did him lasting damage. The whole family had been having fun, making Mickey Mouse pancakes and fooling around, when Julian giggled. John turned on him and screamed, ‘I can't stand the way you fucking laugh! Never let me hear your fucking horrible laugh again.’ He continued with a tirade of abuse until Julian fled once again to his room in tears. It was monstrously cruel and has affected him ever since. To this day he seldom laughs.”

In recent years, Julian has called his father a “hypocrite” and, on the subject of love, said, “[h]e sang about it, he spoke about, but he never really gave it, at least not to me as his son."

Lennon’s second wife and widow Yoko Ono has been the fall gal for pretty much everything that didn’t go right with the Beatles. We’ll never know the full truth about their relationship (or any other famous people’s, for that matter) but it seems less likely that Ono was the “dragon lady” stereotype of lore, and more like Lennon was a controlling and obsessive spouse. In a controversial 2008 biography for which she was interviewed, Ono reportedly stated, “People said I followed [John] to the men's room, but he made me go with him. He thought that if he left me alone with the other Beatles even for a minute, I might go off with one of them." In another interview, Ono said she and Lennon were “so close John didn’t even want me to go to the bathroom by myself. ‘I will come with you’ he would say. And this would be in public places like the EMI recording studios.” As with Cynthia, he was unfaithful in sexual relationships both sanctioned and unsanctioned by Ono.

9. Eric Clapton. They should really create a new word -- one slightly more damning than “asshole” -- for Eric Clapton. Clapton was in lots of bands, including two of the most indispensable to rock history, The Yardbirds and Cream, and was praised as “God” in iconic graffiti all over the world. He also subjected us to “Promises,” and really kind of takes the cake for being awful.

You could make the case that going after one of your best friend’s wives is kind of uncool, as was the case with Clapton and Patti Boyd, wife of George Harrison. You could also make the case that essentially writing an album of love songs -- with “Layla” being the pinnacle -- for her and releasing them publicly, is extremely uncool. Boyd and Harrison eventually divorced in 1977 after 11 years of marriage. She married Clapton two years later. In later years, Clapton admitted that he beat Boyd and raped her during the marriage, stating, “There were times when I took sex with my wife by force and thought that was my entitlement. I had absolutely no concern for other people.” He attributed such awful behavior to alcoholism, drug abuse and severe depression. Boyd divorced him in 1989, citing years of “infidelity and unreasonable behavior."

There’s also the matter of Clapton’s drunk, racist speech while onstage at a concert in 1976. Enoch Powell was a right wing UK politician whose thoughts on immigration reform would make the Tea Party look like the Weather Underground. Clapton reportedly stated, “I think Enoch's right ... we should send them all back. Throw the wogs out! Keep Britain white!" And the hits keep comin’:

I used to be into dope, now I'm into racism. It's much heavier, man. Fucking wogs, man. Fucking Saudis taking over London. Bastard wogs. Britain is becoming overcrowded and Enoch will stop it and send them all back. The black wogs and coons and Arabs and fucking Jamaicans and fucking [indecipherable] don't belong here, we don't want them here. This is England, this is a white country, we don't want any black wogs and coons living here. We need to make clear to them they are not welcome. England is for white people, man. We are a white country. I don't want fucking wogs living next to me with their standards. This is Great Britain, a white country, what is happening to us, for fuck's sake? We need to vote for Enoch Powell, he's a great man, speaking truth. Vote for Enoch, he's our man, he's on our side, he'll look after us. I want all of you here to vote for Enoch, support him, he's on our side. Enoch for Prime Minister! Throw the wogs out! Keep Britain white!

You almost have to admire the balls it takes to bitch about “Jamaicans” and “blacks” when your career is built on blues corruptions and a hit cover of Bob Marley’s “I Shot the Sheriff.” Clapton’s little speech was catalytic in the launch of the Rock Against Racism campaign. Unlike other stars who flirted with Nazi imagery and fascism at the time (I’m looking at you David Bowie and nearly every mid-1970s punk rocker), Clapton has never apologized or recanted. In fact, in 2004, he reasserted his admiration for Powell, calling him "outrageously brave" and saying his "feeling about this has not changed." Ditto in 2007.

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American culture is imbued with fears that African Americans will someday repay the violence and oppression that has marred their history in this country, according to linguist and cultural critic Noam Chomsky. Speaking with philosopher George Yancy about the roots of American racism, from Native American genocide to anti-black discrimination, Chomsky emphasized the ongoing impact of black enslavement and subjugation in the U.S., saying “fears that the victims might rise up and take revenge are deeply rooted in American culture, with reverberations to the present.”

Chomsky was speaking with Yancy as part of an ongoing New York Times series of discussions around race. Early in the conversation, Yancy noted that contemporary American conversations about terrorism often omit “the fact that many black people in the United States have had a long history of being terrorized by white racism.” Chomsky cited the fact that slaves had arrived in the colonies 400 years ago, and were largely responsible for America’s early economic strength.

“We...cannot allow ourselves to forget that the hideous slave labor camps of the new “empire of liberty” were a primary source for the wealth and privilege of American society, as well as England and the continent. The industrial revolution was based on cotton, produced primarily in the slave labor camps of the United States.”

Slaves were highly efficient producers, Chomsky states, and “[p]roductivity increased even faster than in industry, thanks to the technology of the bullwhip and pistol, and the efficient practice of brutal torture.”

With the end of slavery came an immediate need to criminalize African Americans to ensure a bustling—and free—labor force. Chomsky notes “that blacks were arrested without real cause and prisoners were put to work for these business interests. The system provided a major contribution to the rapid industrial development from the late 19th century.”

More recently, Reagan helped drive this process of profiteering off the criminalizing of black bodies through the war on drugs. Chomsky says the policy “initiated a new Jim Crow, Michelle Alexander’s apt term for the revived criminalization of black life, evident in the shocking incarceration rates and the devastating impact on black society.”

Chomsky also discussed America’s long history of atrocities toward its native population, and the historical revisionism of figures such as Teddy Roosevelt, who pretended that white colonizers had been benevolent invaders. He noted that in reality, America’s native peoples had been "extirpated” or "expelled to destitution and misery.”

“That’s only a bare beginning of the shocking record of the Anglosphere and its settler-colonial version of imperialism, a form of imperialism that leads quite naturally to the 'utter extirpation' of the indigenous population, and to 'intentional ignorance' on the part of beneficiaries of the crimes.”

The refusal to acknowledge this history of oppression, violence and genocide may be the most disturbing and terrible tendency of America’s dominant culture. “Perhaps the most appalling contemporary myth is that none of this happened,” said Chomsky. He added:

“There is also a common variant of what has sometimes been called 'intentional ignorance' of what it is inconvenient to know: 'Yes, bad things happened in the past, but let us put all of that behind us and march on to a glorious future, all sharing equally in the rights and opportunities of citizenry.' The appalling statistics of today’s circumstances of African-American life can be confronted by other bitter residues of a shameful past, laments about black cultural inferiority, or worse, forgetting how our wealth and privilege was created in no small part by the centuries of torture and degradation of which we are the beneficiaries and they remain the victims.”

Chomsky and Yancy touched upon Ferguson, Gaza, and the similarities between the two, and Islamophobia in the post-9/11 age. As they closed, Yancy asked Chomsky about possible ways of putting an end to racism.

“Racism is far from eradicated, but it is not what it was not very long ago, thanks to such efforts,” Chomsky said. Cautiously hopeful, he added: “It’s a long, hard road. No magic wand, as far as I know.”

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Most people make an effort to avoid things that are obviously dirty and most likely harboring millions of germs — garbage cans, public restrooms, the handholds on the bus. That makes sense, but have you considered the threats that linger on things in your home?

The germs are coming from inside your house!

Here are the 10 places at home that can make you sick and how to avoid that scenario…

1. Kitchen Sink

Apparently “Everything but the kitchen sink” applies to “What is relatively clean in your house?”

According to research published in the Journal of Applied Microbiology, the average kitchen sink harbors about 100,000 bacteria per square centimeter, compared to the average toilet’s 100 bacteria per square centimeter.

That’s right. Your sink is nastier than your toilet.

Germs thrive in moist environments (like in a drain) and food prep introduces dangerous bugs like E. coli and salmonella to the equation. And then there you are with your (likely) improperly washed hands, turning on and off the faucet and touching all the things, getting germs everywhere in the process.

Image: Pixabay

The Solution

Kelly Reynolds of the University of Arizona’s College of Public Health recommends you wet the sink and scour with a scrub brush a couple times a week to get rid of any bacteria adhered to the surface.

Pay particular attention to the drain and garbage disposal. Spray the faucet, basin, and your brush with a solution of ¼ cup of chlorine bleach and one quart of water or full-strength hydrogen peroxide to be on the safe side.

2. Refrigerator

We all know the office refrigerator is a hotbed for food passive-aggressively labeled with names and mold in various colors and shades, but what about at home? One of the biggest misconceptions about refrigerators is that bacteria doesn’t grow in cold temperatures. Not true.

Consider the package of chicken that may have leaked on top of your vegetables — a recipe for spinach salmonella.

According to the Center for Disease Control, 21% of U.S. outbreaks of food-borne illness with a known single setting resulted from food consumed in a private home. While it might get you a day off of work, you also won’t be able to eat which means really nobody wins.

Image: Flickr

The Solution

Do a weekly fridge wipe-down and a once-a-month do a deep clean where you take everything out, toss any spoiled food, wipe down all surfaces and scrub removable shelves in sudsy hot water. It’s a small price to pay to avoid paying a bigger price later.

3. Toothbrushes

You deposit germs from your mouth onto your toothbrush daily. Then you leave it to dry in a damp bathroom, probably across from the toilet, where the bristles become contaminated with the airborne bacteria released with every flush.

Bugs such as E. coli, Listeria, and Strep — not to mention mold — may be lurking between the bristles. That’s nothing to smile about.

Image: Pixabay

The Solution

The ADA suggests you rinse toothbrushes thoroughly after use, allow them to dry completely, and replace every three to four months or after a sickness. And while they don’t deem sanitizing necessary, they do discourage sharing toothbrushes for those weirdos who would even consider such a thing. But then again, if you’re sharing a toothbrush, you deserve whatever you get.

Also, put the seat down when you flush.

4. Cell Phone

Here’s a fun fact you can text to your friends: Most cells phones have 18 times more harmful bacteria than a handle in a public restroom. You’re always touching things with your hands and then touching your phone. And while you wash your hands, how often do you wash your phone?

It doesn’t just collect the bacteria from all of the grossness we touch, they breed bacteria because they’re often warm from the battery and stored in tight, dark spaces like pockets and purses. Moral of the story? Your phone is where germs go to party.

Image: Pixabay

The Solution

There are plenty of disposable wipes on the market designed to both clean and disinfect cell phone surfaces. But if you want to save money, simply moisten a cloth with a prepared mix of 60 percent water and 40 percent isopropyl alcohol, available at any drug store. Isopropyl alcohol evaporates quickly as it disinfects, ensuring that no moisture seeps into your phone’s circuitry. And for goodness sake, don’t talk on your phone in the bathroom. It can wait.

5. Kitchen Sponge

Unless it’s brand new, that sponge you’re cleaning the kitchen with is quite possibly the No. 1 source of germs in your whole house. In other words…

You would be better off chopping vegetables on your toilet seat than the counter that you just wiped off.

A bit dramatic, but the moist, micro-crevices (a phrase as nasty as what it describes) that make a sponge such an effective cleaning device also make it a cozy home for germs and more difficult to disinfect. So in the end, all you’re doing with a sponge when you wipe your counters or dishes is transferring bacteria from one item to another.

Image: Pixabay

The Solution

After each use, rinse the sponge in hot water, wring it out, and let it dry in a ventilated soap dish.

At the end of the day (and after every raw-meat encounter) sterilize your sponges by popping them in the microwave wet for one minute, as that can kill up to 99.99999 percent of bacteria. Clean countertops daily with a disinfecting spray and switch to a new sponge every couple of weeks.

Follow these instructions and it will no longer be preferable to chop your carrots on the crapper.

6. Bath Towels

When you’re drying off from a shower, towels don’t just get rid of water, but also dead skin cells and bacteria. When towels remain damp for 20 minutes or longer, mildew and bacteria, which thrive in moist environments, can begin to breed. So reusing damp bath towels is basically spreading a breeding ground for bugs. Yum.

Image: Flickr

The Solution

Make sure towels air out quickly after each use. If a set of hooks isn’t cutting it, consider spreading them out over a stand-up or wall-mounted rack or toss the whole load in the dryer after everyone has showered.

After three or four uses, launder towels in hot water and chlorine bleach (for whites) and dry on high to root out any remaining bacteria.

7. Kitchen Buttons, Knobs, and Handles

Taking something from the fridge, grabbing an item from the cabinet, preheating the oven, zapping something in the microwave — a lot goes into cooking a meal, including any bacteria from that raw meat, unwashed produce, and your hands.

While you might be an Iron Chef, you most likely don’t have an iron immune system to beat out all of those germs.

Image: Flickr

Solution

To minimize the risk of transferring bacteria all around the kitchen via all the knobs and handles you need to touch, some experts recommend disinfecting any frequently used kitchen surfaces several times a day, especially before and after preparing a meal.

Keep this tedious process as simple as possible by keeping antibacterial wipes right on the counter for easy access and wash your hands often, especially when you’re cooking.

8. Remote Controls

Grab a snack, change the channel. Wipe your nose, change the channel. Remote controls  — which are handled by the whole family and rarely cleaned — top the list of germy items in the technology department.

A single device may contain thousands of bacteria, including the same varieties found on kitchen sponges.

Image: Pixabay

The Solution

Get up and change the channel by hand, as the exercise will negate both the possible germ transfer as well as the snacks that you ate.

Kidding, kidding. We wouldn’t want to put you out.

Instead wipe down remotes and keyboards, as well as video game controllers, your mouse, and smartphone and tablet covers, once a week with a well-wrung-out disinfecting wipe. (Don’t forget to disconnect everything first.)

9. Coffee Maker

Not to burst your brewing bubble, but there’s more than just coffee brewing in your coffee maker at home. Given the dark, damp location, it’s not surprising that it is a prime location for bacteria, mold and mildew to grow.

Even though coffee itself has some antimicrobial properties, most home coffee makers don’t get hot enough to kill anything growing in the wet, dark environment of the water reservoir or the machine’s internal piping.

Image: Hotelgoodsonline.com

The Solution

Running a 50/50 mix of water and white vinegar through the machine once a month inhibits the growth of mold and some bacteria. Let half the mixture run through the machine, then switch it off for an hour before finishing the cycle, and remember to deep-clean the carafe for continued safe caffeination.

10. Cutting Boards

It goes without saying that you should have separate boards for raw meat and vegetables, for instance, but cross-contamination is still possible which is why it’s essential to keep your boards clean.

The age-long question — wood or plastic — is still up for debate. Plastic boards seem safer and easier to clean because they’re not porous, but once they’re scored from repeated slicing, it’s hard to clean the tiny grooves.

Wood, on the other hand, sucks bacteria down into its core, but researchers disagree about whether bacteria ever resurface, although one study noted that heavily used wooden boards were more problematic than new ones.

Image: Flickr

The Solution

Keep plastic boards clean by regularly running through the dishwasher (or washing with near-boiling water if the dishwasher isn’t an option). And microwave wooden ones to get the bacteria out. Let both boards air-dry completely before storing to minimize potential bacteria growth.

Regardless of which one you use, be sure to replace them regularly.

11. Bathtub

You take baths to relax right? Well, then don’t think about the fact that a study found staphylococcus bacteria in 26% of the tubs tested. A separate study had even worse findings for whirlpool tubs.

When Texas A&M University microbiologist Rita Moyes tested 43 water samples from whirlpools, she found that all 43 had mild to dangerous bacterial growth. Almost all showed bacteria from fecal matter, 81% had fungi, and 34% contained staph bacteria.

Now who’s ready to relax?

Image: Flickr

The Solution

It’s simple. Keep germs at bay by regularly cleaning your bathtub with a bleach-based cleaner. Mr. Clean can be your best friend.

12. Keyboard

According to the National Research Center for Women and Families, studies have found the average desktop has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet bowl. Since most people overlook this area for cleaning, germs that cause the flu and common cold are able to thrive and multiply.

Another study found that two deadly drug-resistant types of bacteria (vancomycin-resistant Enterococcus faecium (VRE) and methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA)) could survive for up to 24 hours on a keyboard, while another common but less deadly bug (Pseudomonas aeruginosa) could survive for an hour.

In other words, you might want to click on WebMD…or, come to think of it, you might not.

Image: Pixabay

The Solution

Along with washing your hands, unplug the machine and wipe it down with a cloth dampened — not wet — with your chosen cleaner, making sure to get in between the keys, at least once a week.

13. Pet  Bowls and Beds

You’ve seen what your dog does at the dog park, so it’s no surprise that pet dishes, toys and beds are one of the germiest places in the house. Just like food can get caught up in sponges, it can also build up and breed bacteria in their dishes.

As for pet beds, studies have turned up hundreds of germs, including MRSA and the fecal variety, on a single bed. Combined with the dirt and pollen the dog or cat drags in, as well as dander and dead skin cells, the germs can grow quickly.

Image: Pixabay

The Solution

Pet dishes should be washed daily, either in a sanitizing dishwasher or scrubbed by hand with hot soapy water, then rinsed. If handwashing, place the dishes in a 1:50 bleach rinse (one cap of bleach in one gallon of water) and soak for about 10 minutes once per week. Rinse thoroughly and allow to air dry.

As for the bed, remove the cover and launder it in hot water and dry on high once a week. If the cover doesn’t come off, mist the bed with a sanitizing spray, such as Lysol or Clorox.

14. Bed Sheets and Pillows

Whether you sleep with a partner or not, you are never alone in bed. Dust, dust mites, and possibly pet dander, keep you company. These bed hogs add to poor air quality and can irritate the best of us — allergic and non-allergic alike — because dust mites produce waste and lay eggs. Add hair, dead skin, fungi, and pollen, and you get allergen-filled combination that can pack a wallop of nastiness to sensitive individuals.

Sweet dreams!

Image: Flickr

The Solution

Fight these germs with zippered plastic mattresses and pillow covers. Once a week, wash all bedding in hot water (above 130 degrees F to kill dust mites), and vacuum uncovered mattresses regularly.

15. Your Significant Other

While being “dirty” can sometimes be a good thing in a relationship, at other times it’s just…well, gross. If you live with your significant other, you’re both contributing to the parade of parasites mentioned so far, which is mostly unavoidable.

But there’s also the added bonus of the fact that a 10-second kiss can spread 80 million bacteria between mouths.

Pucker up!

Image: Flickr

The Solution

Let’s be honest here. There are some risks you just have to take, so simply proceed with caution if one of you is under the weather. However, for those times in the morning when their breath could strip off the wallpaper in your room, maybe bring up that last study.

After all, it is science.

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