Mahmoud

Ivan Brunetti

we here at chainsawsuit are proud to stand on the flying edge of the future. it’s frightening at times, isn’t it? thankfully you can use datayorbs in beta right now and keep your bucks safe from market volatility

1. create your own unique three-alphanumeric-digit “yorbkey” by using your first initial, last initial, and a number from 0-9. for instance, my yorbkey is ks4.
2. after your key, put a period, and then list (without dollar signs or commas) how many dollars you have to your name. so, my yorbstring would be ks4.403.
3. that’s it, now you’re using datayorbs. right now they are pretty much equal to 1 USD each, but as volume increases, their value is sure to rise

EDIT: sorry everyone, but reddit denied my AMA post, they said that datayorbs were not as good as bitcoins. the conspiracy must be uncovered. that’s why i’m taking my AMA to the PEOPLE, right here, in my own comments section.

IAmA developer of the new digital currency system DATAYORBS, ask me anything. Proof: http://chainsawsuit.com/yorbproof.jpg

No Travis, get your big ass in the backseat!

Reading this nearly killed me…

A Walmart is soliciting food donations for its employees, because they can't afford a Thanksgiving meal on low Walmart wages.

I don’t smoke cigarettes, because they’re hazardous… to your wallet! Ten dollars a pack in New York City? Puhhh-lease! I could see half a movie for that much money! There are plenty of other CHEAPER vices I partake in, and I bet they could also be improved with Modern Science. Let’s take a look at some of them! [gestures you over to my wacky laboratory, or my Magic School Bus, or my personal dog-dragon thing from The Neverending Story who kind of reminds me of a furry corn on the cob, who in this situation is taking us on a science-filled adventure instead of a weird German (?) fairy tale.]

COOL NEW ELECTRONIC VICES

Electronic Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips! Each bag includes a computer “chip” of its own (haha!) that scientifically calculates the perfect ratio of salt and vinegar. The ratio is “all of both.” The chips are just a sack of salt with a bottle of vinegar poured in it. You drink it. Perfectamundo.

Electronic Surfing the Internet! We’ve all been there, twiddling away the hours of the day refreshing the same four websites time and again hoping that there will be something new for us to see. Step in, Electronic Surfing the Internet! This small metal bead implanted in your brain irreversibly damages your short term memory, allowing you happily look at the same Reddit image links again and again. Soon you’ll be saying, “Haha, a cat attacking a fax machine!” every three and a half minutes. New every time!

Electronic Naps! Tired of waking up? This electronically controlled nap keeps you from ever waking up, ever. No matter what. Let a cool, dreamless, eternal sleep wash over you, and shield you from the harsh realities of waking life. Don’t ever risk opening your eyes to reality again, with Electronic Naps!

T

I wrote a review of a Twine game called HORSE MASTER. I wrote a multimedia companion piece to an interactive online art object, or something.

I’m also selling Prints and Originals and some Misc. I will probably take them down in about a week. The money is going to shipping out copies of my book collection which I’ll start selling again after I’ve caught up on shipping thank you

Lonnie Johnson's having a good week. The former NASA engineer just won $73 million in a royalties dispute with the toymaker Hasbro for inventing the Super Soaker, the coolest toy you ever had growing up. The lawsuit also covered royalties for Nerf which Johnson also masterminded because he is awesome.

Read more...

sketchamagowza:

garfield, old to new to old again

garfin my butt off

phils-mum-and-llama-placentas:

buzzfeed:

[Descriptive noise] subtitles are actually poetry. 

Sobbing mathematically

Pub Trivia was never my strong suit, because my best category was always Beer Drinking. And after slurping a couple of cold ones down, the only thing I want to do is write down “answers” that I think will upset the host. Then I block out the world around me and study his face as he goes through each square of paper… that one’s mine! I recognize it immediately, I folded into a tight, obnoxious little square. But not too tight! I don’t want him to throw it out. It’s a chore, but a chore that’s just lightweight enough that you’ll grumble and do it anyway. The paper unfolds. Part one of my plan is a success. The gears are lubed. The misery machine is ready to crank. The host reviews the question in his head, “Who portrayed Archie Bunker in the top-rated 1970s sitcom, All in the Family?” The host squints to read my square. The paper is wet, the room is dim, and my cheap-beer-drunken handwriting is a hatchet-faced massacre. After much effort, the words finally slide into focus. “Shit Burritoe.” He can’t process it. Not right away, at least. Maybe it’s the unnecessary “e” in “burrito.” His eyes don’t move, but you can see his mind do a double-take. Not the sexy lady kind of double-take. The sad kind. The “I hope someone checks to see if that homeless man is dead, but it’s not going to be me” kind of double-take. He swallows a sigh, and casually folds the paper in an effort to disguise the blatant subversion of his sacred trivia system. The bar can’t know. It would be the end of everything. But I haven’t won yet. No, not until he puts that square into his pocket. It’s out of the running, and it’s accidentally in his pants the next time he wears them. It’s a week later. He’s parked outside a kitchenware store, searching for a quarter to feed the meter. He finds a square of trash in his pocket. What’s this? He opens it. “Shit Burritoe.” He turns pale. Now I’ve won.

Tony

Wired's slideshow of maps visualizing racial segregation in America is something to behold. One pixel for each 2010 census respondent who disclosed their ethnic identity.

Someone do it for British cities, next!

by Dan