Author : Jaime Astorga

John_357897453 woke up, looked at the timer which sat next to his bed, and realized that he only had five minutes to live.

Five sidereal minutes, anyway. For him, it would feel more like several hours, not that was an excuse to waste any more time. With a stretch, he got up from the bed and sat at his desk, where he reviewed the assignment he would work on until the end of his life. A few subjective minutes later, he was smiling. The assignment was an interdisciplinary thesis, one which would require research on Latin American cultures and technological advancement during the 20th century, analysed using an innovative historical model which had recently gained mainstream attention. He knew that most of his instances spent their lives working on boring undergraduate papers, and was thankful to have the chance to work on such an interesting assignment. He quickly poured himself a cup of coffee (a habit he retained from his office days in a previous life) and immediately set to work.

John_357897453 was an upload. Like thousands of others, the original John had jumped at the chance to become one of the first virtual beings. Unlike thousands of others, John’s copies had not given in to existential despair and depression once they had woken up and been confronted with the reality that, exactly like they had been told, each of them would only experience a couple of months of training in academic research and paper writing, followed by a few hours of preparing some wealthy university student’s assignment, followed by the cessation of experience and death. John was a true half-glass-full kind of guy, and his instances always appreciated everything good in their lives; even working on an above-average paper in a comfortable environment during their last few hours on Earth.

Eventually, John_357897453 finished the paper, took a moment to admire his work, and then hit the submit key. An instant later, he stopped experiencing anything. The server time which was required to run the uploads was very expensive, and it would not do to waste any of it unnecessarily. A static copy of John_357897453 as he existed at the moment of shutdown would be kept for a few weeks, in case his customer had any complains which would require restarting him to address, but this was unlikely. John was very good at customer satisfaction.

Over in the physical world, an attendant stuffed the printed thesis into a manila envelope and handed it to the young man in a business suit in front of her. “Your paper is ready,” she said with a smile, “thank you for choosing Papers-2-Go and have a nice day.”

“No, thank you miss, you’re a life-saver!” the man replied, before turning on his heel and running to his professor’s office. If he hurried up, he could still make the extended deadline.

Author : Clint Wilson, Staff Writer

“But it’s been almost two hundred years sir! How could this be?”

“I don’t know. No one on board can explain it, but there are definitely at least a dozen human lifeforms showing on scanners down there.”

The ancient story of the plankton combine, Goler II was well known. During a routine harvesting dive an unexpected freak wave had reared up and blindsided her, disorienting stabilizers, frying computers, and eventually plunging the vessel down to the distant depths of Epsilon IV’s planetary ocean floor, taking all six of her crew with her. This had been nearly two centuries ago. Until now there had never been a viable reason to attempt any sort of salvage recovery of the big ship from such a hostile environment. But Novascomium, once the primary element used in the warp drive capacitors of many antique industrial workhorses such as Goler II, had recently become extremely rare and valuable.

“Abandon salvage mission, execute rescue and recovery protocol.”

“But sir, there must be some mistake. There’s nobody down there!”

“Ensign, did I stutter? Did I not make myself clear?”

The underling quickly did away with his visions of potential salvage percentages and snapped to attention. “Of course not sir. I will assemble a rescue party at once.”

An hour and a half later the thirteen extracted souls ranging in age from early teens to seemingly quite elderly all huddled together wide eyed and frightened in their strange filthy woven robes. Captain Walters entered the infirmary. A nurse motioned toward one of the strangers, a grey bearded man at least in his seventies. “We think he’s their leader. He seems to speak for them.”

The captain stepped forward. “Greetings friend. Please tell me, where do you hail from?”

The old man shuffled in his rags looking nervously back and forth, wringing his hands in worry. Finally he replied, “My fadder was Gauge Goler. My mudder was Console Goler.” He motioned toward the old woman at his side. “This here’s ma sister Nav. And the rest there’n, some’s my brudder’s kids, some’s ours. Over dare’s my cousin Bulkhead. His fadder was Stevens Goler da second, great great grandson to Cappy and Firmet Stevens, da founders of our beloved home.”

Stevens… Walters remembered the history of Goler II and her captain Devon Stevens. A cold dark dawning started to creep up his spine. “Tell me friend, how do you live? What is it you do to survive down there in your beloved home?”

The old man shifted from foot to foot, eyes darting back and forth. “Why, not much. Jist da normal tings. Ya know, we use da intakes to make oxgin. And we capture da plankt’n and sea’s weed for’n our grub ya know.”

Suddenly an aid entered the infirmary. “Captain I have that report you wanted.”

“I’ll be right with you.” Walters smiled at the old man. “Please excuse me sir, I shall return momentarily.”

His subordinate led him out into the hallway and handed him the soft screen. Walters scanned the document, his eyes growing wider as he read.

Goler II: Interstellar plankton combine farmer. Main design, protein extractor/freighter. Crew: Six individuals. Four android labourers and two human astronauts, Captain Devon Stevens and First Mate, Lieutenant Dawn Stevens, his twin sister.

Author : Duncan Shields, Staff Writer

There are trillions of them and they fly in layers.

The larger ones at the top interlock together during mating season, puzzle-piece continents drifting above us. The whalescoops dive down to feed on the krillsparrows below them. Turtlehawks and wolflocusts prey on rabbitdoves and deergulls. Hummingbird piranhas flit and nip at the turkey squids, producing dark puffs of ink-cloud pollen.

Insects, plants, mammals, reptiles and unclassifiable combinations of the four. All flying. The inhabitants of this planet’s entire ecosystem are airborne and they never land because there is no land, only dark, sterile ocean thousands of miles below.

Small birds roost and nest on the bigger ones. There’s a hierarchy food and waste chain based on altitude, gravity pulling leftovers down through each layer, filtering evolution. The huge ray gliders drift through schools of brilliant parrot squirrels bursting with colour. The entire world is a continually shifting miasma of hues and sound.

At night, they glow. Flourescing horse pelicans trailing long tails of feather lights. Firefly minnow finches exploding with colour en masse looking for mates. Peacock trout cry out as they display fireworks of neon-shimmering leaves along their spines. Jellyfish Condors drip glowing willow-tree stingers to attract the mothgrouse. Deep-sky angler dragons trail ribbon-like through the lower atmosphere, dangling their lures like intelligent flares. Eel geese honk in giant arrow formations, stripes running across their bodies in synchronized communication. And the fissures underneath the massive air-island floaters above us glow with algae all colours of the rainbow.

I cannot see the ocean below or the sky above. I am a scientist and my name was Walter. My research mission ended six years ago but I elected to stay. There are skytribes here. I researched them and befriended them. Their name is birdsong that I have painstakingly learned to reproduce with my whistling.

My research helped classify them as a non-threatening, level-four primitive civilization. Tagged for quarantine non-involvement until such time as they develop the technology to explore space.

Personally, I see them as stalling at a sweet spot in their evolution that needs no improvement. There has been little to no change in them in millions of years, much like crocodiles or barracudas back on Earth.

I theorized that they started as a symbiotic relationship, remora-like with larger birds. Eventually, they started steering the birds to the best food. In time, that control made the remoras dominant and the larger birds the underlings. The remoras had to band together in schooltribes to hunt. Communities formed. Societies followed.

They have insect-like iridescent chitin armour skin. They reproduce by back spores seasonally like dandelion seeds. They hatch from eggs and go through larval stages in huge tadpole flocks. They mature into their final three stages as warm-blooded and gradient from male to female to genderless over their lives.

I’ve named the second-stage one next to me Rebecah. Her legs blend and clutch with the neck of her mount perfectly, forming the illusion of a swantaur. Her mane ripples out behind her.

She looks over at me with smile that I saw as terrifying years ago with all those eyes and beak teeth but I see as endearing now.

My mount is a ravenshark. My body is smeared with the fluorescent paint needed to mock Rebecah’s chitin skin. I have proven myself to them. They are fascinated by my ability to hold onto my male ‘stage’ for longer than usual. I have entered into their oral tribal history.

Rebecah screams the hunt scream and raises her spear. I copy her and we both dive. The hunt is on.

I live here now.

Author : Roger Dale Trexler

They heard the sound of the approaching vehicle and looked at each other.

“That can’t be,” said John Hemington, “the rover’s been gone for three weeks. It’s programmed to stay gone for two months.”

He looked quizzically at Daniel Hepford, communication expert.

Hepford looked out the viewport. The wind was blowing at its usually one hundred miles per hour, blowing debris and dirt all over Cantza 3. The filth in the air was so dense that the rover’s searchlight could not cut through it.

“It is damned peculiar,” replied Hepford. The rover was programmed to survey the alien planet’s landscape, then return when its batteries needed recharging. They shouldn’t have needed a recharge for quite some time.

“You think there’s a malfunction?”

Hepford nodded. “Has to be,” he said.

He looked at the computer in front of him and punched in command codes for the rover. “That’s odd,” he said.

“What?”

“The rover….it’s not responding.”

Hemington stood and walked to Hepford’s side and looked at the display. “May I?” he asked. Hepford nodded and let Hemington sit. Hemington punched a few buttons and the console displayed new information. “I don’t understand,” he said.

“What?”

“The command codes…they’ve been overwritten,” he said.

Hepford looked confused. “But…we’re the only people on this planet,” he said.

“Apparently not,” replied Hemington as he punched a few more buttons. Another screen displayed and, on it, he saw a language that he did not understand.

“What the….?”

Outside, the rover struck the building. The entire building shook. Both men ran to the window and looked out. The wind and debris hid most everything, but the rover was so close now that they could see.

Both men gasped.

On the rover, wrapped around it like an octopus, a grayish-skinned creature, rode. As they watched, its arm, which more closely resembled that of a squid than an octopus, lashed out and struck the window. A thick, gooey mucus covered the window where the arm fell.

“My God!” Hepford shouted. “Do you realize what that is?”

Hemington looked at him. “What are you talking about?”

Before Hepford could reply, another wet slapping arm struck the window.

“It’s a Lamfir?”

“A Lamfir?” asked Hemington said. Then, slowly, an expression of realization crossed his face. A Lamfir. A mystical space creature rumored to travel across the void of space. It attached itself to a spacecraft and traveled across the void. Once the creature made landfall on a planet, its sole purpose was to consume any and all organic life.

With the exception of a small spaceport a few hundred miles to the south of them, Hemington and Hepford were all the organic life on Cantza 3.

“Oh my God!” Hemington said. “Get on the radio and contact the spaceport.”

Hepford ran to the radio just as another wet slap smacked the window. A long crack appeared in the glass.

“Space port 1,” Hepford said into the microphone. “Come in, spaceport 1!”

No reply came.

Then, when Hepford switched to the auxiliary channel, he heard the slow ting of the automated distress call.

The Lamfir had been there already. It had headed in the direction of their base and, along the way, come across the rover. It had, somehow, taken control of the rover, attached itself and gotten a ride back to base.

Another wet slap cracked the window further.

Hepford looked at Hemington. Both men were afraid.

Hepford turned to the radio again, grabbed the microphone, and shouted: “S.O.S. To anyone near Cantza 3. We need immediate assistance. We are under attack!”

Then, the window broke inward.

The Lamfir slid inside.

Later, when it was done, it lay dormant on the floor, awaiting the rescue ship.

Author : Bob Newbell

General Vlank walked along the corridor toward the Research and Development Lab, his motors whirring quietly with each step. Quietly, but perhaps not as quietly as they once did. He’d been neglecting routine maintenance. A lot of the High Command had as the war dragged on. Sometimes, standing in his recharge alcove at night, he wondered if the conflict would ever end. Day after day, the damage and deactivation lists kept growing. It seemed like the whole world was becoming an enormous junkyard.

Finally, Vlank reached the lab and entered. “Lieutenant,” he said, “make it fast. I have a very important meeting to–” Vlank ceased talking the moment he saw…it. The thing was roughly shaped like a person: it had arms and legs, a torso, and a head. But its housing was some strange, pale, elastic material. White glistening globules were where visual sensors would normally reside. Twin cavities on the undersurface of a protrusion on the thing’s face dilated and contracted slightly; this bizarre movement appeared to correspond to a rhythmic expansion and contraction of the thoracic region. And under the protrusion where one would expect a vocalizer was a horizontal linear gash in whatever it was that covered the surreal being.

“What,” Vlank asked, “is that?”

“That, General,” said Lieutenant Nelk, “is what’s going to bring this war to an end.”

“It’s a machine of some sort?”

“Yes, General. But it’s like no other machine that’s ever existed. Look at these schematics.”

Nelk showed Vlank images of the thing’s internal structure and video records of how it worked. Vlank looked on in amazement at the depiction of a weird soft pump in the device’s thorax pushing fluid through tiny flexible pipes throughout the body of the creature.

“What are those bag-like structures in the thorax?” asked Vlank.

“Those respiration units deliver atmospheric oxygen to the nutritive fluid to help power the drone.”

“Drone?”

“Drone, General. That’s what it is. We’ve built this experimental prototype from the molecular level up.”

Vlank poked the thing with an extended finger. The surface was firm but yielding, somewhat like rubber.

“It seems rather flimsy.”

“Oh, yes, General. It’s made of organic compounds. It’s less sturdy than a person. And it would be utterly vulnerable to projectile weapons. But it has no electronic components. Even its processor” — Nelk gestured at the thing’s head — “employs an organic cellular network and a purely electrochemical process for cognition.”

Vlank studied the odd creation. “So, it’s not alive?”

“No, of course not, General. ‘Organic life’ would be a contradiction in terms. We 3D printed the drone’s flesh layer upon layer.

“Flesh?” said Vlank quizzically.

“FLexible Electrochemical SHeets. ‘Flesh,’ for short,” explained Nelk. “Surely you see the tactical advantage? Fire from electromag rifles would have no effect on the drone’s organic processor. You could detonate an EMP bomb right next to the thing and the same EM pulse that would kill both of us would do nothing to it!”

Vlank was impressed. “When can I see a demonstration?” he asked.

“Next week, sir,” Nelk responded.

Vlank nodded and walked out of the lab. As he strode to his staff meeting, he imagined squadrons of organic drones storming enemy positions, totally invulnerable to EM field ordnance. Why, he thought, organics could even be equipped with EM pulse generator vests like those the enemy’s suicide bombers have used to spread terror. And the drone would be totally unharmed and could continue to operate.

Somehow, Vlank noted, the world seemed somewhat less grim. After the meeting, I might even stop off for a little maintenance, he thought.

The martial art Kalaripayattu is elegant and beautiful. Those flexible swords the two men are wielding? Goodness, they're scary.

In the below video, via Boing Boing, you can see whiplike swords called urumi in action. The weapons, apparently, are difficult to master as they can accidentally cause serious injury.

I can't imagine how difficult—or dangerous—it is to do a performance like this without unintentionally hurting your partner. And I don't want to imagine what would happen if you did.

To contact the author of this post, write to bashcraftATkotaku.com or find him on Twitter @Brian_Ashcraft.

Kotaku East is your slice of Asian internet culture, bringing you the latest talking points from Japan, Korea, China and beyond. Tune in every morning from 4am to 8am.

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Leonard Nimoy, the actor best known for playing Mr. Spock in the ubiquitous sci-fi series Star Trek, passed away today at the age of 83.

The New York Times has a full obituary for Nimoy, who was taken to the hospital earlier this week after suffering chest pains, and died this morning from end-stage chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.

Nimoy, who first starred as the half-Vulcan Spock in the original Star Trek series from 1966 to 1969, went on to appear in various shows, films, and video games both in the world of Star Trek and elsewhere. He starred as himself in the 2000 Dreamcast game Seaman and did voicework for two Kingdom Hearts games as well as the strategy game Civilization IV. One of his most memorable performances came in a classic episode of The Simpsons, "The Springfield Files," in which he narrates.

Nimoy's last tweet is pretty perfect:

A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP

— Leonard Nimoy (@TheRealNimoy) February 23, 2015

You can reach the author of this post at jason@kotaku.com or on Twitter at @jasonschreier.

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Welcome back to Star Trek Week(s) here at SFAM! I’m going to try and do one comic for each of the five live-action Star Trek TV series. Tuesday’s TOS comic sure did cause some hubbub!

Have you guys seen the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode The Outcast?

Me neither.

Come on back Friday for more trekky goodness!

New seasons of Inspector Gadget and Danger Mouse are in production and will run on video service Netflix, reports Variety. They're also developing a show based on Playmobile toys, The Magic School Bus and Some Assembly Required—I knew I was holding onto my childlike immaturity for a reason.

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Recommended article: Chomsky: We Are All – Fill in the Blank.
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Christ, what an asshole. Idaho Republican Rep. Vito Barbieri. Courtesy Idaho State Legislature website.

A complete idiot who managed to get elected to The Idaho House of Representatives received a female reproductive anatomy lesson today.

Republican state Rep. Vito Barbieri asked if it were possible for a woman to swallow a small camera so that doctors could conduct a gynecological exam remotely, using telemedicine, before performing an abortion.

He asked this utterly stupid question Monday, revealing his total ignorance of basic grade school human biology, while the House State Affairs Committee listened to some three hours of testimony on a bill that would prohibit doctors from prescribing abortion-inducing meds using telemedicine.

The lawmaker later said that the question was rhetorical, and he was just trying to make a point. In other words, he was trolling.

I don't buy it. Trolling takes more intelligence than this knuckledragger possesses.

From the Associated Press report:

Dr. Julie Madsen, a physician who said she has provided various telemedicine services in Idaho, was testifying in opposition to the bill. She said some colonoscopy patients may swallow a small device to give doctors a closer look at parts of their colon.

"Can this same procedure then be done in a pregnancy? Swallowing a camera and helping the doctor determine what the situation is?" Barbieri asked.

Madsen replied that would be impossible because swallowed pills do not end up in the vagina.

"Fascinating. That makes sense," Barbieri said, amid the crowd's laughter.

The committee approved the bill (banning doctors from remotely prescribing abortion-inducing medication) 13-4 on a party-line vote.

The bill now goes to the House floor for a full vote.

Barbieri sits on the board of a crisis pregnancy center in northern Idaho, and voted in favor of the legislation, because he is an ignorant dipshit. We should just put him in charge of All Of The Things.

Perhaps you would like to make a donation to Planned Parenthood, to fight this sort of thing and help prevent women from dying because they can't access safe and legal abortions.

[HT: Susie Bright]

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If you're a popular League of Legends eSports player, who actually owns streams of your matches? That's a complicated question, but in the case of ultra-popular pro Sanghyuk "Faker" Lee, the answer seems clear cut. Another streamer, however, found a loophole that's thrown it all into question. And controversy.

Twitch streamer StarLordLucian runs a channel that automatically streams all of Faker's solo-queue matches. Competitive LoL matches run on Twitch all the time, but Faker's shouldn't be. The SK Telecom T1 player has a deal with streaming platform Azubu that grants them exclusive rights to his matches.

So naturally, Azubu lobbed a DMCA takedown notice at Lucian's stream and figured that was that. But it wasn't.

Thing is, StarLordLucian isn't swiping footage from Azubu's streams. Instead, he's watching Faker's matches in League of Legends' as a spectator using a third-party client—that Riot supports—called OP.GG and passing that along to his stream.

Now, here's the bit that's probably of interest to you even if you're not a LoL pro with major companies playing tug-of-war for your table scraps: LoL creator Riot—not a third-party company, not you—owns all of your shit. Their game, their in-game assets, their rules. As PCGamesN points out in their post on the matter, Riot's terms of service read:

"You acknowledge and agree that you shall have no ownership or other property interest in your account, and you further acknowledge and agree that, other than your limited access to use the account, all rights in and to the account are and shall forever be owned by and inure to the benefit of Riot Games. You acknowledge and agree that you have no claim, right, title, ownership or other proprietary interest in the game assets."

Lucian is running his stream with that information in mind. He explained: "Right now nothing my stream does is illegal or against the League of Legends terms of service. Riot can always change their terms. And Riot can DMCA my stream at anytime, as they have the power to put any League related IP or Project to an end."

OK then, what does Riot think about all of this? Well, the stream is still up, but Riot president Marc Merrill isn't pleased. Not one bit. He posted a response to Lucian's actions on Reddit:

"You are rationalizing and trying to justify the fact that you have singled out a player against their will and broadcasting their games in a way that he can do nothing about. That reeks of harassment and bullying - Azubu vs Twitch is irrelevant in my view."

"If you can't see how this potentially harms Faker and/or anyone else in this situation, then that is more reinforcement that we need to take the appropriate action to protect players from this type of unique situation."

"As to the comments about our API, of course we want 3rd party devs to do cool things with spectator. But when people utilize one of its components to harm / harass an individual, then we need to potentially re-evaluate our rules."

It's a bit of a curious response given that a) I'm not sure how an auto-stream of solo matches constitutes bullying and b) Azubu and Twitch are obviously interested parties when it comes to big streamer business; they are very relevant here. Still, this situation might lead Riot to make confetti out of their current rule book and come up with something that guards against similar situations in the future. Services like OP.GG might have to change too. As for how, well, that's up in the air right now.

Lucian, however, argues that Faker himself has yet to express that he's in any way upset with the stream. Until Faker/SK Telecom take aim directly at the stream or Riot issues a DMCA notice of their own, Lucian said, the show will go on. "'Harassment and bullying'? Yeah no. I am a big Faker fan. If Faker himself personally ever requested my stream to be shut down, I would oblige instantly."

UPDATE: Faker's team, SK Telecom, has issued a statement requesting that Lucian's stream be taken down. Lucian, however, plans to keep it going despite this. He explained his sudden about-face in one "last" post on the matter:

"I know some people will disagree with this and bring up ethics, but I think this whole issue is about a lot more than Faker. It's about Riot not enforcing their own legal terms of service. It's about a co-owner of Riot Games being completely out of touch with esports and the spectator mode. It's about a company (Azubu) issuing a false DMCA claim for content they didn't even own. These are issues that will affect the future of the game and the spectator mode. All of this needs to be debated for the future of League of Legends and esports."

As of now, the stream is still up. As Lucian pointed out, Riot can have it taken down at any time—and they might just do so soon. So far, though, they've yet to change their current rules, let alone enforce the old ones. I've sent a mail to Riot to find out what their next step is in this situation. I'll update this post as soon as I hear back.

To contact the author of this post, write to nathan.grayson@kotaku.com or find him on Twitter @vahn16.

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President Terminator Skeleton wants the best for your planet! He is brave and shiny.

I did FIVE bonus comics last week! Go read ‘em here.

In this latest episode of Shred of the Week, a Will It Blend-esque promotional web series by SSI Shredding Systems, the Oregon-based machinery manufacturer puts the legendary durability of Nokia’s 3310 cellphone to the test by tossing eight of them into a heavy-duty indsturial shredder.

(JKehoe_Photos)

In their blog post explaining how transcription works, Samsung assured the public that the company “takes consumer privacy very seriously,” and that they use “industry-standard security safeguards and practices, including data encryption, to secure consumers’ personal information and prevent unauthorized collection or use.” Many people understood this to mean that the voice data and transcribed text sent to and from smart TVs is always encrypted, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Perhaps “we encrypt consumer data” is true, but doesn’t include smart TVs.

We know this because a security researcher in the U.K. spent some time yelling at a Samsung smart television while monitoring the traffic going back and forth from the remote transcription service. David Lodge of Pen Test Partners wanted to check, since the statement from Samsung implied that customer data is encrypted. Here is what he saw being sent to Nuance, that third-party service:

That’s most likely audio data, but the important thing is that information about the device’s MAC address and operating system isn’t concealed in any way. The service sends back what it thinks the speaker said in plain text.

What danger does this pose? As things stand right now, none. The TV only listens when you tell it to, either by saying “Hi TV” or some other preset phrase, or by pressing a button on the remote control. The problem is that it could become a problem if what Lodge calls “rogue firmware” infected the TV, perhaps listening in to your conversations all the time or sending your data somewhere nefarious.

IS YOUR SAMSUNG TV LISTENING TO YOU? [Pen Test Partners]

Welcome back to Perilous Research, DailyMTG.com's exclusive Magic Online column. Standard has been in a state of constant change since the release of Fate Reforged. With each passing week, there seems to be a new format favorite. As the dust settles, it seems there are more competitive strategies popping up at a faster rate than archetypes are dying. In fact, this is shaping up to be one of the most, if not the most, diverse Standard environments in history. Today, we'll be taking a look at the most successful Standard strategies from the last week on Magic Online.

Valorous Stance | Art by Willian Murai­

The Rise of Red-White

Standard has reacted to the overwhelming amount of Valorous Stance we were seeing last week. Initially, Valorous Stance felt like it was a split card where one half was Terminate and the other half was Negate. Now, the threats we're seeing are a lot less heavy on the backend. Goblin Rabblemaster and Monastery Mentor are being favored over Brimaz, King of Oreskos, and Ashcloud Phoenix is being favored over Polukranos, World Eater. Valorous Stance pushed a lot of people onto the red-white decks, and the incredible power of those strategies has a lot of people proclaiming red-white to be the next big thing. Let's check out a decklist!

Crywolf102190's Red-White (4–0)

Decklist Stats Sample Hand

Sort by: Overview Color Cost Rarity

Creature (16)

2 Ashcloud Phoenix 4 Goblin Rabblemaster 1 Monastery Mentor 4 Seeker of the Way 1 Soulfire Grand Master 4 Stormbreath Dragon

Sorcery (4)

4 Hordeling Outburst

Instant (10)

3 Lightning Strike 4 Stoke the Flames 1 Valorous Stance 2 Wild Slash

Enchantment (6)

4 Chained to the Rocks 2 Outpost Siege

Land (24)

4 Battlefield Forge 1 Evolving Wilds 11 Mountain 4 Plains 4 Temple of Triumph

60 Cards

Sideboard (15)

1 Ashcloud Phoenix 1 Soulfire Grand Master 1 Outpost Siege 1 Valorous Stance 3 Arc Lightning 2 Glare of Heresy 4 Hushwing Gryff 2 Sarkhan, the Dragonspeaker

White (19)

1 Monastery Mentor 4 Seeker of the Way 2 Soulfire Grand Master 4 Chained to the Rocks 2 Valorous Stance 2 Glare of Heresy 4 Hushwing Gryff

Red (32)

3 Ashcloud Phoenix 4 Goblin Rabblemaster 4 Stormbreath Dragon 4 Hordeling Outburst 3 Lightning Strike 3 Outpost Siege 4 Stoke the Flames 2 Wild Slash 3 Arc Lightning 2 Sarkhan, the Dragonspeaker

Colorless (24)

4 Battlefield Forge 1 Evolving Wilds 11 Mountain 4 Plains 4 Temple of Triumph

75 Cards

1 (6)

4 Chained to the Rocks 2 Wild Slash

2 (13)

4 Seeker of the Way 2 Soulfire Grand Master 3 Lightning Strike 2 Valorous Stance 2 Glare of Heresy

3 (16)

4 Goblin Rabblemaster 1 Monastery Mentor 4 Hordeling Outburst 3 Arc Lightning 4 Hushwing Gryff

4 (10)

3 Ashcloud Phoenix 3 Outpost Siege 4 Stoke the Flames

5 (6)

4 Stormbreath Dragon 2 Sarkhan, the Dragonspeaker

51 Cards

Common (19)

1 Evolving Wilds 11 Mountain 4 Plains 3 Lightning Strike

Uncommon (21)

4 Seeker of the Way 4 Hordeling Outburst 4 Stoke the Flames 2 Valorous Stance 2 Wild Slash 3 Arc Lightning 2 Glare of Heresy

Rare (23)

4 Battlefield Forge 4 Temple of Triumph 4 Goblin Rabblemaster 4 Chained to the Rocks 3 Outpost Siege 4 Hushwing Gryff

Mythic (12)

3 Ashcloud Phoenix 1 Monastery Mentor 2 Soulfire Grand Master 4 Stormbreath Dragon 2 Sarkhan, the Dragonspeaker

75 Cards

Deal Another Hand

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Red-white decks have become Standard's new tier 1. The deck has access to all of the strongest angles of the Jeskai decks, but by cutting blue the deck gains access to Chained to the Rocks, which is probably the best spot-removal spell in the current Standard. The numbers in red-white are very malleable, and it's rare for two players to end up on identical lists. It's not uncommon to see Brimaz, King of Oreskos, four copies of Valorous Stance, or more aggressive creature setups. When playing against red-white, it's important that a player recognizes his or her role in a given game; the deck can easily win an aggressive game when the opponent gets too brazen, and it's well-suited to a longer game if opponents aren't applying pressure. The best advice I've heard for playing the matchup is to simply imagine we're playing a game of Limited where the opponent has a ton of removal spells. This should be the most important archetype to beat for players looking to test and practice the current Standard.

Rethinking Jeskai Strategies

Last week, Jeskai strategies seemed to be competing for the title of tier 1, but they've quickly fallen out of favor as players recognize the strength of the red-white strategies. There's little to no cost for dropping blue out of the deck at this point, and the added consistency and access to Chained to the Rocks have pushed Jeskai out of the picture.

What other strategies have continued to perform well in the face of so much red-white? Let's check out some of the other decks to put up undefeated records in daily events over the last few days.

DerrickJones's White-Blue Heroic (4–0)

Decklist Stats Sample Hand

Sort by: Overview Color Cost Rarity

Creature (16)

4 Battlewise Hoplite 4 Favored Hoplite 4 Hero of Iroas 4 Shu Yun, the Silent Tempest

Instant (13)

1 Ajani's Presence 4 Defiant Strike 1 Feat of Resistance 4 Gods Willing 1 Triton Tactics 2 Valorous Stance

Enchantment (9)

3 Aqueous Form 2 Ordeal of Heliod 4 Ordeal of Thassa

Land (22)

4 Flooded Strand 3 Island 1 Mana Confluence 8 Plains 4 Temple of Enlightenment 2 Tranquil Cove

60 Cards

Sideboard (15)

1 Ajani's Presence 2 Ordeal of Heliod 1 Valorous Stance 2 Disdainful Stroke 1 Erase 2 Lagonna-Band Trailblazer 3 Stubborn Denial 3 Treasure Cruise

White (29)

4 Favored Hoplite 4 Hero of Iroas 2 Ajani's Presence 4 Defiant Strike 1 Feat of Resistance 4 Gods Willing 4 Ordeal of Heliod 3 Valorous Stance 1 Erase 2 Lagonna-Band Trailblazer

Blue (20)

4 Shu Yun, the Silent Tempest 3 Aqueous Form 4 Ordeal of Thassa 1 Triton Tactics 2 Disdainful Stroke 3 Stubborn Denial 3 Treasure Cruise

Multi colored (4)

4 Battlewise Hoplite

Colorless (22)

4 Flooded Strand 3 Island 1 Mana Confluence 8 Plains 4 Temple of Enlightenment 2 Tranquil Cove

75 Cards

1 (24)

4 Favored Hoplite 2 Ajani's Presence 3 Aqueous Form 4 Defiant Strike 4 Gods Willing 1 Triton Tactics 1 Erase 2 Lagonna-Band Trailblazer 3 Stubborn Denial

2 (22)

4 Battlewise Hoplite 4 Hero of Iroas 1 Feat of Resistance 4 Ordeal of Heliod 4 Ordeal of Thassa 3 Valorous Stance 2 Disdainful Stroke

3 (4)

4 Shu Yun, the Silent Tempest

8 (3)

3 Treasure Cruise

53 Cards

Common (35)

3 Island 8 Plains 2 Tranquil Cove 2 Ajani's Presence 3 Aqueous Form 4 Defiant Strike 1 Feat of Resistance 4 Gods Willing 2 Disdainful Stroke 1 Erase 2 Lagonna-Band Trailblazer 3 Treasure Cruise

Uncommon (23)

4 Battlewise Hoplite 4 Favored Hoplite 4 Ordeal of Heliod 4 Ordeal of Thassa 1 Triton Tactics 3 Valorous Stance 3 Stubborn Denial

Rare (17)

Here's a short but intense Half-Life 2 fan-clip by animator Nathan Hibberd. His version of the game's annoying little enemy steals airboats, uses machine guns and acts like a crazy cartoon character.

It even scares itself when suddenly realises that it doesn't know how to drive.

To contact the author of this post, write to: gergovas@kotaku.com

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Had League of Legends been released in the 90s, it might have been released on a floppy disk. Okay, make that a ton of floppy disks.

Here's a funny take on what a League of Legends commercial from the 90's might have looked like. In a word: cheesy. Very cheesy. But that's exactly what makes this rizenvisual trailer so great.

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Recommended article: Chomsky: We Are All – Fill in the Blank.
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(AZFamily.com)

Not only did he purchase the watch for far less than its value, but he got change back at the Goodwill store in Phoenix for handing over $6 for a $5.99 total, reports AZFamily.com.

He’s not just any browsing shopper, however, as he has an eye for vintage watches and has been collecting them for some time [pun intended] and thus was able to pick out a rare 1959 Jaeger-LeCoultre diving watch. He says only about 900 of the watches were ever made.

“I didn’t even want to give it to her to scan,” he said of when it came time to pay. “I was like, you can scan it in my hand if you want to. I just didn’t want to let it go.”

So how could Goodwill miss something so valuable? Anyone could make the same mistake, in his opinion.

“Sometimes they just miss it, they don’t know,” he explained. “It’s not a very fancy-looking piece. You have to know what it is.”

He sold it for $35,000 on a watch collectors website, and also got a $4,000 Mega Speed Master watch to boot. He’s planning on using the dough for his upcoming nuptials — and also donated some of the profits back to the Goodwill.

Phoenix man finds rare watch at Goodwill store [AZFamily.com]