There’s that scene from Dune and the other scene from the Flash Gordon movie with the excellent Queen soundtrack and countless other vignettes from science fiction where the hero sticks something into something else, yeah? Sticking things into other things is what makes a boy into a man. Man-style.
ANIMAL’s feature Game Plan asks game developers to share a bit about their process and some working images from the creation of a recent game. This week, we spoke with Colton Spross and AJ Kolenc of Atlanta studio The Stork Burnt Down about Höme Improvisåtion, a very short game that’s way better than it sounds.
There are some things in life you want to do as infrequently as possible: going to the dentist, looking for a new job, putting your dog to sleep, to name a few. Building Ikea furniture is one of them, but it turns out it makes a pretty great video game.
The fact that something that sucks in real life can be fun in a game isn’t surprising. I do lots of things in virtual space that I wouldn’t want to actually do, like killing people and jumping out of planes and fucking dudes. But unlike sex, skydiving and murder, cobbling together poorly made Swedish furniture is not exciting. And yet here I am, jamming virtual legs into a digital tabletop and loving it. The developers at The Stork Burnt Down have somehow taken a task that’s both arduous and boring and made it into something enjoyable and hilarious. Höme Improvisåtion is, against all odds, fun.
“There have been a few articles that have been saying things like, ‘Ikea should hire these guys!'” the game’s lead programmer, AJ Kolenc, told ANIMAL. “I am in support of that, in case Ikea ever decides to contact us. But so far nothing.”
Höme Improvisåtion was created mainly by three people over just 48 hours during the 2015 Global Game Jam in January. Its developers describe it officially as “The world’s most fun & accurate cooperative furniture assembly experience!” (exclamation theirs, of course).
The game features only three pieces of furniture, which just like in real life fall out of the box in chunks. But in Höme Improvisåtion Ikea’s signature illustrated instruction manuals are missing, and you have to build from memory based on the images that were visible on the front of the boxes before you opened them. The first, a simple table, is very easy to create—just slot the legs into the holes. The second, a standing lamp, is harder, especially if you didn’t look too hard at the picture. This is when most players will realize how wrong things can go. The third, a more complex table, is essentially impossible to get right, the developers confessed.
“I can’t imagine anyone could figure it out,” Kolenc said.
But that’s OK. In fact, it’s amazing. Once all the furniture is assembled, right or wrong — and more likely wrong — you can arrange it around the room while more boxes drop in. That’s when you can start combining different pieces into glorious works of modern art, or horrible Franken-lamp abominations, or something in between. After a while I was dying of laughter, even playing by myself.
It gets chaotic when multiple people join in simultaneously. When I described Höme Improvisåtion to a friend recently, he responded, “Oh, so you help each other build the furniture?” But it’s hard enough to get these right by yourself; you run into all the same problems you would in real life, from believing sincerely that there are parts missing to knowing for certain that some of them don’t actually match up. “No, you definitely don’t help one another,” I replied.
This strange type of obstructive cooperation—where you’re technically working together but really more screwing with one another—is rare in games, and it’s not the only way in which Höme Improvisåtion is unique.
“I built a bed recently from Ikea, and it had pneumatic components, and we accidentally put them on backward, so it was basically a catapult,” said Colton Spross, another of the game’s creators. “We felt pretty good about the concept [of the game]. It was something that we were pretty enthusiastic about making. We hadn’t tried anything like that before, and the scope was achievable…It was a room with furniture in it, and we felt like we could do a really good job of making a polished and fun version of that.”
It’s kind of obvious, but bears confirming: Höme Improvisåtion is not actually associated with Ikea. It’s been framed in media coverage as a game in which you build Ikea furniture, but the developers tried to avoid actually using the word “Ikea” wherever possible so as to avoid potential legal troubles. The pieces are based on real stuff from the Swedish company’s catalogs, but slightly different and with made-up names.
The developers do plan to keep moving forward with the concept, though, because the feedback from anyone who’s played it has been so positive. They’re not sure exactly what form it will ultimately take, but for now they’re adding more content to the free web version, and asking for help naming a new chair on Twitter.
The theme of the game development event during which Höme Improvisåtion was created was “What do we do now?” Spross said that’s what he winds up saying to himself every time he tries to build Ikea furniture in real life, and it was that realization that sparked the idea. They ran with it from there.
“We found in past game jams that it’s best to just do the craziest idea you come up with, because when else are you going to do it?” Spross said. “I’m not opposed to mainstream games. I enjoy them. But they’ve already done it—you know what I mean? Like, how many different combat systems have been designed? If I’m making a game about Ikea furniture, my main competition is myself, you know? Just make something that’s different enough that there’s somewhere to be explored, instead of just trying to make another Zelda.”
Every now and then I get confessions saying how they hate the stereotype of trans women knowing or dressing feminine since they were young, or did stereotypical girl things when they were a child.
So I’m putting this up.
On the left is me in high school. I was your average high school guy. That is how I normally dressed. My personality is exactly what you’d expect it to be. Guyish(?) and stuff. And growing up, I thought dolls and other girl things were lame (I was all about action figures and junk. Power Rangers was my favorite thing ever back then, and, for people who follow my personal blog, it’s still a thing I obsess over.)
On the right is me as I am now. (the photo is a bit old; god, I miss that apartment.) Now, clothes and fashion and other female stereotypical stuff are some of my favorite things, even though I hate dressing up and would so rather spend the day in a graphic tee, jeans, and sneakers. My personality has changed (for the better; I was a huge fucking asshole in high school.)
When I came out, everyone was surprised, because I did not appear to be even remotely feminine.
Now, I realize this also sort of embraces the stereotype that most trans women are feminine. Realize that this stereotype is also something I hate. Like any gender, there will be some that present masculine, some that present feminine, and some that present androgynous. I just happen to be part of the group of females that enjoys presenting feminine (when I don’t feel dysphoric, anyway.)
So, basically, what I’m saying is don’t feel invalidated as a trans woman if your life pre-transition wasn’t stereotypical! It’s totally normal. (:
“Ducor Hotel once had a tennis court that is now mostly used by kids from the community that developed around the hotel to play football.” (all images courtesy of François Beaurain)
Liberia occupies a gloomy place in the Western imagination. Ask the average American what they picture when they think of the country, and they might say child soldiers, the murderous dictator Charles Taylor, or Ebola.
While working in the capital Monrovia for several months during 2014, photographer François Beaurain saw something else entirely. Children were playing. Adults were working. People were making music, going to school, and generally just trying to live good lives. In hopes of getting to know the strangers she saw in the streets, Beaurain started creating GIFs of daily life. “The more I was shooting, the more people I met, and the more I understood about Liberia and Liberians,” she told Hyperallergic.
The GIFS that resulted are charmingly playful, colorful, and hypnotic. But they’re also more than just eye candy, breaking past the never-tired tropes of silly cats and models stumbling on the runway to describe life in a real community. In Monrovia Animated, Beaurain has produced an unusual form of GIF-as-documentary photo, one that brings to life a far-off locale and makes us consider it in a way we’ve rarely been asked to before.
“The Mount Coffee hydropower plant was built in 1966 to provide power to Monrovia. In the ’90s, the facility was looted and destroyed. The plant is now in rehabilitation and is expected to be back to work in 2015.”
“Wesseh Freeman is a blind musician from Monrovia making his living singing in Duala market. He learned music by himself and built his “guitar” out of an oil can. His music is about the war, the history of Liberia and his own life. The story of Wesseh Freeman is not really clear to me. What I understood is that he turned blind when he was a kid and was then kicked out from his home. This is when he would have started to learn and play the music.”
“Hipco is a hip-hop proper to Liberia which is sung in Liberian-English exclusively. Mr.Smith Lib Money International is one of the numerous MC of the Liberian Hipco scene. I met Mr Smith in the streets of Monrovia, he was looking for somebody to take some pictures of him. I am not sure this picture was what he was expecting from me…”
“Princess is 14 years old and lives on the slopes of Ducor Hotel’s hills . She’s standing on the ruin of a small swimming pool.”
“Ducor Hotel was built on a hill that was once surrounded with forests. This hill has been since chaotically urbanised and suffers from severe erosion. Heavy rains turn the streets into torrents and cascades eroding the foundations of houses.”
“This is the only wave pool in West Africa!”
“In a dollarized economy where US and Liberian dollars cohabitate, money changing is one of the most common ‘small business’ in Liberia.”
“Countless churches have to compete to attract believers, so posters for churches are some of the most common commercials in Monrovia. The lady in the photo allowed me to take off this poster only because she was not a follower of the ‘Shake the Throne’ church.”
“While Chinese products have invaded Monrovia’s markets, numerous shops are still selling the lappas used to tailor traditional clothes.”
“In Liberia, expats live in houses behind 3 meter walls doubled with barbed wire. Private security companies control the access to these fortresses. In this compound, for instance, there were more guards than guarded people.”
“Monrovia has countless evangelical churches. Church is a flourishing business in Liberia and a major part of Liberians’ lives. Christopolis is the former name of Monrovia and the name of the church where this gif was shot.”
added to the "in case of long-term unemployment" file
Are you living in a financially punishing city that you can’t afford? Does no one give a shit about your art degree? Are you barely scraping by paycheck-to-paycheck only to cry into a pile of bills at night in your tiny apartment? Are you us? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, congratulations, you’re fucking broke! And if you’re as broke as we are, let’s be honest: At some point we’ve all been up late at night trolling Craigslist, weighing the pros and cons of getting paid for sexual favors, wondering whether or not if you’re cut out for dat life.
Thankfully, for those who aren’t quite ready yet to take the plunge into selling sex, selling your used underwear seems like a much easier compromise! If you’re a woman with a functioning vagina you already have a reliable supply of products to sell: your panties. There’s something delightfully subversive about knowing that you are literally sitting on a gold mine. So instead of giving someone else money to get them washed, why not stick them in a ziplock bag, throw them in a mailbox and get paid already?
Rather than put out another “it happened to me” or “sorry-not-sorry I did something sexy” testimonial, we wanted to get some answers to the real question on everybody’s minds: exactly how financially viable is selling your used panties? We asked sellers on Craigslist, Reddit, Twitter, Pantydeal.com (and others) and posted an anonymous online survey, with a total of around 90 respondents.
The results, like anything else in the world, depended on what kind of person you are, and the amount of time and effort you were willing to invest. It will not pay off your student loans. But who doesn’t like a little extra cash, right?
EVERYONE’S DOING IT (SO WHY AREN’T YOU?)
Apparently, those of us with BFAs aren’t the only ones considering the prospects. We heard from law enforcement officers; single moms with exes who don’t pay child support; corporate professionals; sewage treatment workers; married women who enjoy the attention; and one woman who works at an animal hospital and quit her job to become a full-time webcam model. It was heartwarming to see how willing people, cushioned by the anonymity of the internet, were to share their stories with no expectations of gratification. But it was fucking depressing to be reminded how broke everyone is.
Graph: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
“I was laid off after the business I worked for closed in October of 2013, and that job was soul-sucking and terrible and they wouldn’t give me unemployment benefits,” a 24-year-old doctorate student described. “So, that kind of pushed me over the edge and finally made me decide that I was going to do whatever I could to establish an income where I worked for myself.”
UNDERSTANDING YOUR PRODUCT
One of the main reasons why people buy used panties is for the smell. Here is a diagram of the three scent zones of used panties as outlined by Amber Nectar of usedpantysellingadvice.com, the most comprehensive guide to selling panties we’ve found on the internet. Who knew that your crotch was such a veritable bouquet of smells?
Diagram: Soyo Hong
As quoted from usedpantysellingadvice.com:
“ZONE 1: Vulva
Encases the clit, labia, and muffy
Can contain gentle yellowish markings
Depending on diet, scent can be flowery, sweet, or peppery
ZONE 2: Vestibule
Directly above the vaginal opening
It is the main discharge/moisture impact zone
Typically a more mild, sweet aroma
ZONE 3: Anus/apocrine
Glandular pheromone epicenter
Much appreciated by the refined dirty pany sniffer
Deeply sweet scented, pungent if perspired in.”
Speaking of smells, as one seller sagely advised, “cotton really holds [it] best.” Save your g-strings and thongs for your Tinder hook-ups. As sexy as that strip of butt-floss looks, the teensy surface area really lacks the ability to capture as much of your money-making pussy essence as possible. Unsurprisingly, standard white cotton bikini-cut panties are the biggest sellers.
CAN THIS REPLACE A PART-TIME JOB?
The short answer is: kind of.
The United State Department of Labor reports median weekly earnings of part-time wage for women ages over 25 in 2014 as $279, so it’s safe to say that $300 per week is a reasonable guesstimate for what many people would consider to be decent part-time income.
Graph: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
For the some of the most dedicated sellers this is within reach, but more than half of those who participated in our survey only averaged between $50 – $100 a week, with those earning between $100 – $150 making up about 20%. Only about 14% claimed that they were able to earn more than $300. As of now, $350 is our record-breaker for highest priced pair. Mina, the most experienced seller on PantyDeal.com, reported having sold panties with a video for $1,200.
Graph: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
But for the rest of us who are sadly lacking in the magical pussy department, $35 – $39 seems to be the competitive rate for the average vagina. 20% of sellers we heard from price their wares for over $50, citing reasons such as in-person transactions, extra wear, and complimentary phone sex upon receipt for the price hike.
Graph: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
The Labor Department also defines the average part-time work week to be between 1 to 34 hours. Almost 50% of sellers disclosed that they devoted about 1 to 3 hours a week; optimistically speaking, at least half of those who participated in the survey are making at least $30 an hour. Not bad right?
Graph: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
Maybe. Mostly, people reported just slight lifestyle upgrades, like buying nicer make-up, air humidifiers, and better groceries than they would’ve gotten otherwise. “It doesn’t pay my bills, [but] it lets me feed my Magic the Gathering addiction,” one seller said. Student loan debt was also one of the big items that people put their hard-earned panty money into, so when you’re riding the high off your first successful panty transaction, just remember: you’ll eat all of your fancy-ass gourmet groceries in a week, but student loan debt is forever.
And depending who you talk to, the industry isn’t exactly booming in the way that, say, porn is. “This isn’t actually an “on-the-clock” business,” Mathias, a staff member at My Used Panty Store, told us. “Sales have been very low in recent years and they only ever offer enough for gas money, unless a seller is popular. And sales are always inconsistent, never guaranteed, and buyers often flake on payments and try to get ‘freebies.’” (The site was recently sold off to an unnamed Bulgarian company).
DEALING WITH EXTRAS
As we’ve seen above, the average flat fee for panties is somewhere between $35 to $39 dollars. But what happens when someone wants more than just the standard 24-hour day rate? But what happens when someone wants more than just the standard 24-hour day wear? Over 80% of sellers we surveyed said they receive “special requests.”
Photo: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
“I always charge more for extra days of wear,” an anonymous seller told us, “but the amount can be anywhere from $5 – $20 a day depending on how much I like him. I call it the asshole tax.” Here’s a structured price breakdown from a seller who asked to be left unnamed:
One-day wear: $40
Two-day wear: $50
Three-day wear: $65
Cummed-in wet panties: an extra $10 surcharge
Pee or raunchy butt smells: an extra $25 surcharge
Whether or not you decide that infusing your unmentionables with raunchy butt smells is something that you’re comfortable with, you can see that dealing with customer’s oftentimes strange requests is pretty much going to be a given.
There is a whole dessert menu to choose from, but here are some of our favorites:
Commonly requested bodily fluids, including but not limited to: urine, menstrual blood, ejaculate, ovulation discharge (cervical mucus).
Specific activities: working out at the gym, masturbation, sex.
Mildly gross: skid marks, creampies
Plain weird: “I’ve had a request to soak the panties in sweet tea before I wore them.. [it] was super sticky and uncomfortable and NEVER AGAIN.”
Stuffing: Shove a whole pair of knickers into your box and let it soak in that fresh young pussy smell!
Pussy pops: Use candy on a stick as a dildo then sell it back to the pervy masses! Not yet quite sure as to how much pussy flavor this would actually impart to the candy.
Ass flossing: Giving yourself a wedgie in the ass, supposedly to impart a stronger butt smell.
Pussy flossing: Similar to ass flossing, but with your pussy.
TRICKS OF THE TRADE
The overwhelming answer to what sellers thought the biggest mistake newcomers in the industry made was that they didn’t put enough thought into it. To help save you some time, we picked out some of the most helpful tips:
Turn off the geotag on your phone. This one is pretty self-explanatory; don’t leave digital breadcrumbs for bad people to find.
Don’t half-ass your pictures. “I have to make sure I look presentable and trimmed and I have to [try out poses], then use a timer to recreate my pose properly,” said one seller. “For every photo I release as a finished product, I take probably 5.”
Don’t be afraid to be different! As one seller noted: “Nothing against those white college girls! It’s just that I think that those who don’t fit the bill definitely stand out, and therefore instantly have an edge.” Put more effort into your listing and personalize it a little bit. Are you a dancer/barista/MILF/librarian/etc? Include that in your title! Or invent a good fantasy hook: “My boyfriend runs my ads for me and meets the customers. He tells them that he steals his girlfriend’s underwear to sell for extra money and that seems to get a lot of attention!”
Know thyself. One seller told us: “I once ended up wearing panties for a week for $20. It’s a bit of a struggle in the beginning to learn how to price different things and how to deal with customers.” Do your homework and don’t let buyers push you around. Undercutting your competition to get more sales will only ruin things for EVERYONE by creating a race to the bottom. Why should anyone else benefit from your hard work? Make sure you (and your pussy) get what you deserve.
Don’t cut to the chase too fast. “If a lady cuts right to the deal without giving me a sense of who she is,” a PantyDeal buyer told us, “I am immediately suspicious because those are the ones who have ripped me off.”
Cultivate your online presence. “Everything is important,” the same Pantydeal customer noted. “Drawing [buyers] in with provocative pictures, showcasing their wares, listing any special services as well as showing off [your] personality! Many ladies screw this up and their lack of success ends up due to being a lack of effort in setting up their space.”
Cross-advertise. “Selling used panties is all about exposure. You want to be everywhere,” Zoo Keeper, the founder of Panty Zoo, told us. “There is no bad place to have an ad showing. Every website has traffic and indexing by search engines, and if you post an ad for your panties anywhere it is allowed, people will see it.” In addition for pay-to-play sites like Panty Zoo, he listed free resources like Twitter with the #UsedPanties hashtag, Pantysphere, Reddit’s used panties subreddit, Facebook, and Used Panty Blog.
Don’t jump the gun. Always, always always confirm payment before wearing in your panties. Ever run for 6 hours to sweat it out in a pair of knickers only to have the buyer back out? Yeah, it’s a letdown.
Have fun. “Every girl is attractive to someone, so even if you have low self-esteem and body issues, someone out there wants you and thinks you’re perfect. Take pics in many different poses, show off everything confidently, bite your lip, and show that you’re having fun!”
DO YOU HAVE TO PAY TO PLAY?
Now that you’re ready to go forth and start promoting your fine ass and the cotton that clothes it, all you need to do is figure out where. Should you pay to play just like your buyers? Or are you more comfortable going DIY? Take a look at some of these websites and see which digital hood is good for you.
Photo: Sabine via Flickr
Craigslist (Free)
PROS: The anonymous nature of Craigslist is both a gift and a curse. Your buyer won’t know much more than what you’ve detailed in your post, but neither will you until he contacts you. Registration is easy, and its clinical layout may be attractive to some.
CONS: The only website with the dishonor of having morethanonekiller, its limited HTML support means that you can’t do much to personalize your listings. Craigslist technically doesn’t allow the sale of panties (though many still post anyway in the sales section), so be prepared to have your posts flagged and removed frequently.
Reddit (Free)
PROS: There is already a huge audience for sellers; /r/usedpanties and /r/pantyselling have over 15,000 and 3,000 subscribers respectively. Most sex work related subreddits are moderated closely, so make sure to read the rules and FAQ of your desired subreddit, get verified, and start selling!
CONS: Reddit isn’t just limited to being a community of panty sellers so you should pay attention to how much personal information you divulge. Not unlike Craigslist, the layout easy to use but pretty bare-bones. Cliques can also bury any posts they don’t agree with by downvoting it to oblivion.
Pantydeal (Paid)
PROS: I want this to be my new Facebook. Messaging and friending is essential to navigate the site; like Uber, a peer rating system guarantees friendly behavior. Within minutes, women were spilling life stories. I chatted with buyers for a full 30 minutes before getting asked about my underwear – light years in panty sites. There’s also a large customer base.
CONS: $19/month for full access to selling, video, and review options.
My Used Panty Store (Paid)
PROS: The site bans sellers from using services like PayPal, which bans adult-themed transactions. A feedback system also helps to filter out trolls and time wasters; if any buyer gets a 1-star rating twice, they are banned.
CONS: MUPS’s Web 1.0 interface is filled with confusing dead ends: the “chat lobby”, and “birthdays” section, for example – almost blockading human interaction. You also have to sign up for an annual subscription of around $25 before even getting into the site, a guaranteed barrier.
Panty Zoo (Paid)
PROS: Free to register, certain services available for a nominal fee, webcam enabled
CONS: Very similar to My Used Panty Store, nearly impossible difficult to navigate. Free to get in, but you have to pay to post ads.
GETTING THAT PAPER
Here’s the tricky part: how do you cash out on your earnings? You can use PayPal but adult transactions are banned by the Acceptable Use Policy and the service will not hesitate to screw you if they find out. Err on the side of caution and consider these alternatives:
GiftRocket
PROS: Flexible; you can use it as a universal gift card or cash out via direct deposit or check.
CONS: It can take up to 4 business days to clear and sellers reported sometimes having transactions cancelled even after redeeming their balance.
Green Dot MoneyPaks
PROS: Doesn’t require a bank account. Customers can use Green Dot MoneyPaks to top-off other prepaid debit cards online and at retail locations across the country for a small fee.
CONS: After 90 days your MoneyPak is automatically charged a fee of $4.95 a month
Pre-paid Visa gift cards
PROS: Technically a stored- value card but functions like a debit card and you can use a pre-paid Visa or Mastercard anywhere.
CONS: Requires your personal information and offers very little anonymity.
Amazon
PROS: One of the easiest and most secure options available. Personal information is kept confidential for both sellers and buyers. You can maintain a wishlist that customers can buy from in exchange for services, or have them send you an electronic gift card via email.
CONS: Though you can literally buy almost anything on Amazon, it’s impossible to convert your gift card balance to cash.
Square
PROS: Fast and convenient for in-person transactions (just swipe!). Buyers can leave you an added tip.
CONS: piss-poor customer service and common complaints include random fund-holding and account deactivation, and chargebacks with no recourse. You should proceed with caution when meeting anyone off the internet, but take some time to vet your buyers and maybe reserve in-person exchanges for regulars you are familiar with in general.
Bitcoin
PROS: Payment is instantaneous and virtually untraceable.
CONS: Initial set-up may be difficult for new adopters. Not having the option to back out of payment last minute may turn off skittish buyers, but conversely this may help you weed out time-wasters from serious buyers. It is also susceptible to inflation.
LIFE AFTER PANTIES
Despite financial struggles, most people seemed optimistic. Along with the desire for self-sufficiency, there wasn’t a single person who didn’t envision better things for the future. Many aspired to attend grad school while others wanted to expand their sex work/regular careers. More than one stated wanting to help people. For many others, panty selling proved to be a safe and creative outlet to explore their sexuality, often with their partners: “My husband knows I do this. Our sex life has never been better!” A lot of women also described feeling a sense of well-being and improvement in their personal lives in general.
“[Panty selling] has given me the freedom to work from home and spend time with my family that would’ve otherwise been spent at some depressing minimum-wage job,” one seller divulged. “I’m also so much more comfortable with my body now that I’ve had to take pictures of every nook and cranny. Before I sold panties, I seriously didn’t have a clue what my butthole looked like. I used to be really insecure about stretch marks, but now it’s like.. well, I’ve made thousands of dollars with those stretch marks, so they must not be that bad!” Not bad indeed.
A police department in North Miami Beach made headlines last week when it was discovered they were using mugshots of black men for target practice. Now, some unlikely meme-creators are trying to break the internet with a Twitter protest campaign.
The #UseMeInstead campaign was started on a Facebook group for Lutheran clergy. The idea is for priests and other unlikely targets of police brutality to volunteer their own photos to be used for target practice instead of young black men. Initially, the Chief of Police claimed that the practice was necessary for important facial recognition drills. Critics claim that the only thing being practiced in these drills is a reinforcement to keep a single demographic in cops cross-hairs.
“It’s such a desensitization thing, that if you start aiming at young black men, and told to put a bullet in them, you become desensitized,” Reverend Joy M Gonnerman told the Washington Post. “Maybe, to change the picture, it’s you know what, dare ya, shoot a clergy person.”
Gonnerman said she intended to email all the #UseMeInstead pictures to the North Miami Beach police department to send a message about what’s acceptable. “Essentially, we’re saying: We’re watching, we’re paying attention to this.”
The use of mugshots for target practice has reportedly been stopped in Miami, but the targeting of young black men in the field will undoubtedly continue.
Adam Schefter today reported that Marshawn Lynch has been fined another $20,000 for grabbing his dick in the NFC Championship and will be fined “significantly more” than the $50,000 the NFL has fined him in each of the past two seasons for not speaking enough to the media, providing extremely short answers to open-ended questions from the press. The media, angered at the small amount of words provided by Lynch despite contractual obligations to speak with them, has raised the issue with the NFL, and it appears the NFL intends to get Lynch’s attention.
In response to the news, Lynch called a press conference today, where he described how he will comply with NFL regulations in the future.
“Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua,” he said. “Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.”
Asked whether he would appeal the fine, Lynch was vague.
“Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur,” he quipped. “Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.”
Turning to the Super Bowl, a reporter asked Lynch if he is taking any lessons from the team’s 24-23 victory over the Patriots back in 2012 into the game.
“HEADER GOES HERE,” he replied. “Last edited 12/22/14 12:42:35 GMT”
![goat-kwisatz[1]](http://amultiverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/goat-kwisatz1-450x180.png)
Graph: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
Diagram: Soyo Hong
Graph: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
Graph: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
Graph: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
Graph: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
Photo: Soyo Hong via Survey Monkey
Photo: Sabine via Flickr
