Nathan Fhtagn

Cat Adopts Baby Hedgehogs

sexpigeon:

chrismohney:

DOMAshaming: pro-DOMA folks + Dogshaming captions, a chrismohney + Tag joint.

Little side project of today. 

1. Shut up and write the book.

I’m an extreme extrovert, which is really great after I write a book and I have to go out into the world and talk to people about it, but not so great when I need to sequester myself long enough to actually get some real writing done. I do most of my thinking “out loud,” which means ideas don’t really come to me until I’ve expressed them — if I express them through speech, I’m less likely to turn around and go express them in writing…

 

2. Use the bathroom.

I get a lot of good ideas getting ready in the morning — if I have an idea in the shower, I write it down on my Aqua Notes pad, and if I have an idea after I step out of the shower, I’ll use a dry-erase marker to write it on the bathroom mirror.

 

3. Fix that mise en place.

Mise en place is a French cooking term that means “everything in place.” It’s used to refer to the way chefs will have all of their ingredients organized and ready to go before they start cooking. For writers, I think it’s equally important to have your workspace organized and ready to go, nothing in your way.

I made a slight adjustment to my desk recently that made a world of difference — I raised my external monitor up slightly, so I could set my laptop in front of it, then I got rid of my external keyboard. Now, when I sit down, I can just open up my laptop and get to work — if I need the extra monitor for research or design work, I can plug it in, but most of the time I don’t even use it.

4. Less notification, more meditation.

5. Stop researching.

I’ll let Steven Johnson take this one:

Email and social media and games are obvious distractions. In my experience, the more subtle threat — particularly for non-fiction writers — comes via the eminently reasonable belief that you’re not ready to start writing, because you haven’t finished your research yet.

David McCullough agrees:

There’s an awful temptation to just keep on researching. There comes a point where you just have to stop, and start writing. When I began, I thought that the way one should work was to do all the research and then write the book. In time I began to understand that it’s when you start writing that you really find out what you don’t know and need to know.

Okay! Back to writing.

If you liked this post, you might like my book, Steal Like An Artist. 

"They don't eat us and excrete us. They eat us, and then we become them." -Reynard Illvar, Former Templar, Patient in Ostoff Sanitorium

Nomenclature: Blob, Slime, Jelly, Pudding, Glop, Goo, Gook, Gunk, Muck, Sludge, Muk, Gloop, Gleep

Description: There are 4 main categories of blobs. Blobs refers to the entire grouping of monsters.

Oozes are fast moving blobs, moving as fast as an unarmored man. They strike with a pseudo-pod lashing out and slamming into an opponent doing damage with acid and force

Slimes are very very slow moving blobs, moving perhaps no faster than 1 foot an hour. They climb on high places and drop on unsuspecting adventurers. Their attack turns adventurers into slimes themselves.

Puddings are slow blobs that move along ceilings, walls, and floors. They attack by slamming acidic pseudopods against their opponents and engulfing prey. Certain attack methods and energy type can cause puddings to split. Puddings often have uneven opaque bubbly surfaces

Jellies are sluggish blobs that move along floors. They attack by slamming acidic pseudopods against their opponents and engulfing prey. Certain attack methods and energy type can cause some puddings to split. They often have smooth translucent surfaces.

Things that are known:

• Blobs are mindless
• They have no fixed form
• Immune to poison, sleep, paralysis, polymorph and stunning
• They deal acid damage
• Blind, making them immune to gaze attacks, visual effects, and illusions
• Immune to any sort of critical

Beautiful Grey Ooze from Scrap Princess. Go buy something!

Rumors and other whispers in the dark:

• Blobs are actual the larval stage of shapechangers like mimics and doppelgangers
• That isn't true. Mimics and doppelgangers are actually the larval stage of blobs
• Every life form has bones of a different substances. Elves have hollow bones made from the strongest wood. Dwarven bones are made of stone, the bones of Gnomes made of gemstone. Blobs are viewed as an abomination because they have no bones
• Black puddings will always attack the magic-users first. They also have an annoying tendency to say "It's the black pudding!"

They are sentient, but not alone. Each is one cell inside a gigantic brain, seeking to convert enough of the world to think once again They are cells, but not as we think. They are the white blood cells, the immune system of the universe, struggling to clear the plague of disease that exists on the surface
While slimes are more effective, Jellies, Puddings and Oozes engulf their victims and slowly digest them

They are not intelligent, lacking a brain, but they are highly skilled at seeking out the optimal routes to secure prey

Christopher Burdett

• All blobs have the ability to fit through any opening merely inches wide, sometimes even through doors or tiny cracks. Some blobs have specialized attacking from these hidden positions
• Their fluid state makes them difficult to hurt
• Blobs are actually complicated plants and they move just as plants do, only much much faster. They are not intelligent  just hungry and able to react to stimulus
• Alchemists and tinkerers love to use killed blobs to engrave fine detail work into items
• Blobs are actually a biproduct of culinary warfare. Blood pudding, haggis, mustard jelly and other foods were adulterated with trolls blood, and then animated for a unique taste sensation; sadly this caused them to combine and become mobile. Immediately after they engulfed the cooks. They were then hacked apart and now there are the many different types of blobs that roam the world
• Jermelaine, giant rants and slugs all survive by excreting substances that repel blobs from their lair
• The above is actually false, and the small creatures that live in a blobs habitat are actually the spawn of the blob
• They are colonies of cells
• Blobs are invaders from an outer universe or plane. Coming to the prime material causes them to lose their natural form
• Blobs are a physical manifestation of the primal hunger, a starving extra-dimensional entity, has thrust itself into this world, seeking satiation. It is this reason when one is distressed by fire or pain, they all appear to suffer, across the universe whole
• Blobs are actually the manifestation and end result of seed spilled, disposed of. For eggs are not the only thing the sperm of man can use to create life
• Blobs were an attempt to create synthetic hydra blood. They are not acidic, but instead secrete an enzyme which causes organic material to pull apart from itself, as a priming mechanism for the hydra during regeneration. Humanoids however suffer, as their flesh is sundered apart
• Blobs are the result of an alchemical reagent that acts or reacts with a base material 
• Water, air, the medium is immaterial. Some say that they move more slowly underwater. The immunity to fire (which burns poorly under the waves) is a great boon to some oozes.
• They are preternaturally silent
• Some reproduce asexually by budding
• They flow towards the nearest food source, regardless of its size
• They are nothing more then the excrement of Zuggtmoy

"My concept was that both [grey oozes and gelatinous cubes] were accidental creations of careless wizard alchemists that dumped various failed magical and alchemical experiments down the drain or into some cess pit. These admixtures affected single-celled life forms, thus eventually engendering the various jellies (and a gelatinous cube is one of those), oozes, puddings. The slimes were generated in similar fashion, the waste affecting normal slime."Gary Gygax (1938–2008), October 1, 2006, EN World Q&A XII

All blobs have immunity to acid. All blobs are mindless. Those immune to weapons will be affected by magic weapons. Magic weapons will not prevent splitting from occurring. Those that dissolve metal or wood force weapons to save when striking the ooze. Magic weapons add their bonus to the save.

The list below is everything you need to run any of these. Pick an armor class, damage values, size and various other factors according to your needs. These are, after all, mutable blobs of matter.

Slimes
color	immunities		description
Rivolta Stool	Electricity		Created from Excrement
Translucent Slime	Weapons		Difficult to see, composed of acid. Dissolves weapons
Jale Slime	????		????
Polymorphic Slime	None		Appears as crude creatures or objects. When touched or struck, spasms out, engulfing target.
Olive Slime	Weapons		Creates zombies as slaves, Charms targets
Green Slime	Weapons Spells		Turns into green slime in 1-4 rounds. Can be scraped, amputated, frozen or burned.
Violet Slime	Acid, Cold		Harmless in water, Acid burns after leaving water
Black Slime	Cold		Aquatic green slime. Flammable.
Corpse Slime	None		Drains life energy. Undead, turned as a 4HD creature.
Gray Slime	Light, Sunlight		Causes acid damage when exposed to light
Shadow Slime	Cold		Hard to spot. Freezing damage. Can only be scraped off on the first round.
Blood Slime	All but holy water or symbol		Dissolves flesh, leather and cloth. Cannot be scraped away. Kills in 1-3 rounds.
Oozes
color	immunities		description
Frosted Slush	melee		Chill aura, freezes flesh, affected by cold
Ebon Ooze	None		Weak version of black ooze. Made from tar. Weapons get stuck, targets get stuck
Pyroclastic Flow	Fire, Melee		Made from lava, melts weapons, heat aura
Arcane Ooze	Magic		Steals spells (and uses them) against nearby casters
Dolm Ooze	???		????
Crimson Ooze	Blunt		Urban, Draws Blood from target
Amber Ooze	Fire		Multiple Attacks, Edible, Can infuse into target, sapping its will.
White Ooze	Weapons		Rubbery, can curl into ball and bounce attack. Improves AC by 5, hits 2 targets in room at random. Weapons bounce off
Flaming Ooze	Fire		Ranged fire gout attack, If extinguished dies instantly.
Prismatic Ooze	Acid only		Hypnotizes opponents, Coordinates other oozes
Gray Ooze	Magic, Fire, Cold		Dissolves metal, including weapons. Psionic
Crystal Ooze	Cold, Fire		Dissolves wood. Paralyzes, Weapons do only 1 point of damage, 75% undetectable in water
Choleric Ooze	Acid only		Melts clothing and armor. Sticks in globules after attack. Use electricity or spend full round to move freely
Sanguine Ooze	Fire		Causes euphoria, laughter staggers target. Sticks in globules after attack. Use cold or spend full round to move freely
Phlegmatic Ooze	Cold		Causes madness, confuses target. Sticks in globules after attack, use fire or spend full round to move freely
Melancholic Ooze	Electricity		Paralyzes targets. Sticks in globules after attack, use acid or spend full round to move freely
Slime Mold	Fire		Spreads disease, engulfs targets, appears to be inanimate mold, and gains a bonus to surprise
Undead Ooze	Cold		Expels skeletons from its body
Mercury Ooze	None		Causes mercury poisoning
Ice Ooze	Cold, Blunt Weapons		Cold damage when struck, Freezes opponents. Difficult to spot.
Entropic Ooze	Negative energy		Devours souls, Energy drain.
Emerald Ooze	None		Dissolves metal and flesh. Turns opponents into emerald oozes
Air Ooze	Electricity		Transparent. Can discharge electric burst.
Toxic Ooze	Acid		Sticky, Releases Toxic Fume aura that causes loss of health and sickness
Shadow Ooze	None		Strength drain. Grabs opponent.
Bloodfire Ooze	Electricity, Fire		Heat aura damages anyone who strikes the ooze. Can create flame burst. Fire spells near ooze are increased in power.
Conflagration Ooze	Fire		Any contact infuses blood with fire. Can confuse, sleep or hold opponents.
Necromantic Sludge	Turns Spells		Turns targets into zombies by seeping into victims skin and animating corpse.
Nightseed Ooze	None		Atomized absorbed organic targets, granting hit points to the Nightseed along with access to spells and psionic powers. Vulnerable to sunlight.
Obsidian Ooze	Fire, Piercing and Slashing weapons		Molten core. Covered in sharp spines.
Pearl Ooze	Cold, Electricity, Healed by force effects		Grants a bonus to victims AC after victims are struck for 24 hours, but drains a level if a save is failed
Sand Ooze	Fire		Petrifies opponents. Looks like sandstone. More effective fighter with a greater number of sand oozes.
Puddings
color	immunities	split	description
Alluvial Bog	Fire	Piercing, Slashing, Electricity	Animated soil, earth, and dirt. Enveloping attack
Crimson Pudding	Fire, Melee	Cold	Pudding made from blood and flesh
Rice Pudding, Horrid	Pierce, Slash, Fire	Blunt weapons	Can nauseate, has weakening aura (vapors), and can entangle opponents
Dolm Pudding	???	???	???
Silver Pudding	Weapons	Cold	Toxic, turns into solid silver (75%) or platinum (25%) upon death
Verdurous Pudding	Blunt, Piercing	Electricity	Plant matter, looks like spinach tapioca. Always Huge or larger, intelligent, not necessarily hostile
Ochre Jelly	None	Electricity	Actually a pudding
Black Pudding	Cold	Electricity	Dissolves metal
White Pudding	Cold	Electricity	Dissolves organics. Cannot dissolve metal
Dun/Brown Pudding	Cold	Electricity	Dissolves leather in 1 round, metal in twice the time as black
Stone Pudding	Fire	Fire	Dissolves organics and stone, not metal. Petrifying touch. Slowed by Stone to Flesh
Gargantuan Pudding	None	Slashing, Piercing	Dissolves metal and organics
Vampiric Pudding	Cold, Electricity	Cold, Electricity	Energy Drain, Weakness to sunlight. Victims slain become zombies under its control.
Metallic Pudding	Fire	Weapon Attacks	Similar to silver pudding, When fire is used, produces irritating acid fumes
Marble Pudding	Cold	Lightning and Weapon attacks	Glues opponents on successful hit. Hard to see, giving a bonus on surprise.
Jellies
color	immunities	split	description
Bone Jelly	Cold, Piercing	Blunt, Electricity	Undead jelly made from bones
Ulfire Jelly	????	????	????
Ultraviolet Jelly	Fire, Cold	Slashing, Piercing	Invisible, Levitating
Golden Jelly	Weapons	Cold	Solidifies into gold when killed
Azure Jelly	Electricity	Slashing Piercing	Lightning Damage, 3x speed, extra attacks
Gelatinous Cube	Electricty	Does not split	Transparent, Paralyzes, cold slows but does 1/2 damage
Mustard Jelly	Weapons, Electricity	at will	Slowing Cloud, Force attacks (magic missile) cause it to grow. 1/2 damage from cold
Stun Jelly	Electricity	Only when Reproducing	Paralyzes, resembles stone wall, smells of vinegar
Tar Jelly	Fire	Force Spells	Will catch on fire (is immune to the damage), All attacks versus tar jelly become stuck in tar, giving jelly a bonus to hit
Whip Jelly	None	None	Tough Armored Skin, Multiple attacks
Plasma Jelly	Electricity, Bludgeoning, Piercing, Cold	Slashing, Sonic	Fires plasma rays, constricts, engulfs, magnetic pulse that pulls metal closer to the creature
Flesh Jelly	None	Slashing	Always huge or bigger. Absorbs and engulf targets to heal self. Nauseating aura. Spreads disease.
Phase Jelly	Blunt	Does not split	Edged weapons do half damage. Paralyzes. Stunned by electrical attacks. Can phase into stone, stone affecting spells will force them out. Multiple tentacle attacks.
Shining Jelly	All magic but cold, Fire heals	Lightning	Spells cast cause it flash forcing a save or causing anyone viewing it to go blind
Earth Jelly	Normal Weapons, Cold Heals	Fire	Saps hit points from target permanently. Dissolves metal and flesh. Hard to detect against stone.
Air Jelly	Cold heals	Force and Electricity	Saps Wisdom on a failed save.
Dark Jelly	None	Cold, Physical attacks, and Electricity	Blessed attacks work normally, not causing the jelly to split. Drains constitution.
Fire Jelly	Piercing	Fire	Sets materials on fire. Melts metal objects. Double damage from cold. Half damage from bludgeoning attacks.
Water Jelly	Bludgeoning Piercing	Electricity	Hard to see in water. Double damage from fire.

Thanks to the Dungeon Dozen, and a Hamsterish Hoard in addition to my regular contributors to this series.

roundtop:

idk why people are surprised i have trust issues when we live in a world where sometimes naps just make you more tired

As kind of a fun change of pace, my wife and I want to have a fancy diner at a McDonalds. I need someone who is willing to be our waiter so that we can make this happen.

We will show up for dinner wearing formal attire. You must provide your own formal attire for this gig. Slacks, dress shoes, and a button-down shirt and tie, or a dark cocktail dress and flats. I will provide you with the tablecloth, napkins, nice plates, and wine glasses. You need to get there before us and have the table set up and ready to go. You must greet us at the door and show us to our seats and hand us our menus (they have them up front). Once we order, just go up to the counter and buy the food from the employees (but wait a while so it seems like they are making our food). But don't forget to keep filling up our drinks!

When we are finished, bring us the food receipt and I will pay you for the food, plus $50 for your services, plus tip. The whole thing shouldn't take longer than a couple hours including setup and cleanup. Please be as professional as possible.

• Location: Fresno
• Compensation: $50 plus tip
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Skeletons of an Anthropologist & His Favorite Dog at the Smithsonian

sirmitchell:

Cowboy Metalheads of Botswana are my new favorite thing. 

What does Arthur think about being an artist?

Jump to a Random Strip in the Archives! | Get Sheldon Books 'n Shirts | Buy This Original Art | Forum Chat | Archives | E-mail Dave

66K views

If Henry didn’t get some carbs, he was going to LOSE IT!

Please make a haiku

about never giving up

my strength is ebbing

Ebb and flow is the

natural movement of tides.

The moon always pulls.

Seleen

"There is a great concordance in the universe, where many places possess the same result but with quite different causes. . ."
-Mordecai, Gahzan Royal Scribe
Nomenclature: Gelatinous Cube, Athcoid, Kyboid, Qulare, Geldra
Description: Coagulated viscous transparent  hexahedron
A list of rumors and facts regarding cubes and their purposes as codified by the alchemists and sages.
Things that are known:

• Cubes may produce a pseudopod to attack
• The touch of the gel causes paralysis
• They absorb matter. Living matter is digested, non-living matter is eventually excreted.
• The do not move very quickly
• They are able to detect and respond to heat and vibration, and can alter their size to fit through cavities as small as 1'
• They weigh upwards of 15,000 pounds

Things that are said:

Gorpo

• They are not actually cube-shaped, they just expand to fill the available space
• It maintains its shape due to filamentous internal fibers. When killed, these decay and it dissolves into a wet mess
• They asexually reproduce by budding
• In point of fact, they do not bud, but instead leave small gelatinous polyps
• Cubes are highly intelligent creatures
• If you try to trip a gelatinous cube, it is said to tear the fabric of reality
• It's nonsensical to try and trip a gelatinous cube, but if you string razor-wire across a hallway, you can instead fight weakened gelatinous slices
• Trying to slice a gelatinous cube apart won't work, because it will just join and reform again like a jelly
• If you cut a gelatinous cube, the surface begins to bud madly, covered in disgusting polyps, each a baby gelatinous cube
• They were created exclusively to make pit traps more deadly. They are less an independent creature and more a substance created just for pits
• They are simply giant paramecium that have evolved to encompass their local space to compensate for their blindness
• They have a deadly aversion to salt. Its use dries them out
• They are devoid of any thought, simply being a manifestation of earth (making them immune to mind-affecting effects)
• When they meet, they join, doubling in size, but later separate into two normal-sized cubes
• They travel by sliding like a slug
• They travel by rolling from side to side
• Actually their skin has a variety of properties and they slide by changing the molecular surface of their surface to increase or decrease resistance, sailing along dungeon corridors
• They don't actually move at all, they are all absolutely stable in relation to the universe, the universe moves around the cube. The result of all simultaneous cube movement is geography
• The paralysis effect also anesthetizes prey

• The acidic digestive properties are contained within movable elastic cavities inside the cube
• They are said to evolve from Grey Oozes
• They feed on emotions which strengthen them
• If you feed the Gelatinous Cube different types of fungi, it grants the cube different powers, from regeneration to auras to magical effects. People who have experimented with this idea universally end up dead from the plague
• They can be found underwater, but are more visible and have their paralysis abilities diluted (+6 to the save)
• Gelatinous Cubes aren't really an ooze or jelly at all, but a broodmother of goblins. They bud, producing the menace. When goblins age, they crawl into a depression and liquify. When enough do this, it can create a new cube
• The creature either has a very rapid adaptation process or dungeons have been around for a long, long time, on the order of 100,000 years or more
• It is said that their are races mad enough to become gelatinous cube riders. They wear a ring that surrounds them in a bubble of force, and tempt the cube to absorb them. Once within, they direct the cube by slamming the bubble, causing it to move in the desired direction.
• They are avatars of mechanus, a quasi-living engine designed to scour chaotic organic material from the surface of the earth
• Cubes aren't actually living creatures at all, but a square vacuum held between the interfaces of seven dimensional bubbles. Touching the surface of these outer bubbles is what causes the paralysis, as you experience shock. It's not actually digestion, but the exposure to a freezing zero-pressure vacuum which causes it to break apart. This is also why metal and stone are unaffected
• When killed it maintains its shape and paralytic propterties
• They were originally designed as a healing aid to prevent disease and rot and as a sanitary measure. They eventually escaped and evolved into their current form

SuperGroverFanClub

• If you cut off a piece of a cube and cook it with a base such as quicklime, it renders the anesthetic properties inert. This produces a bland, nourishing, protein rich, translucent brown aspic. It is highly valued in subhuman tribes
• Alchemist's have a need for Gelatinous Cubes because it enhances the process by which they can extract magical essences
• Gelatinous Cubes are actually leftover material from the construction of the sky, making it theologically relevant
• They smell of boiled cabbage
• They are created by gathering minor demons (imps, quasits, etc.) and casting flesh to ooze upon them. The resulting gunk is treated with aboleth slime and purple worm extract before being poured into a mold, most commonly a 10' square wooden mold. 
• They are not silent, when they attack they yell "Cube!"
• Gelatinous Cubes can be captured and altered into other forms and creatures. 
• It's an advanced trap, a container for minds. It intends to lure the party into a trap so that it can exchange minds with one of them
• They communicate with each other by slamming on the ground, sending shock waves back and forth
• The cubes aren't the size of the corridor because they have filled the space. The cubes adolescent stage is a rarely encountered Volcanic Cube that hollows out new dungeon corridors, deep within the earth.
• On death they ossify and turn into giant cubes and shapes of bone. Sometimes their sides harden and pit, and giants collect them for use in divination and games
• They have a membrane (skin) that holds their insides in. When killed, everything inside leaks out

The Gelatinous Cube

Number Encountered:	1	Attacks:	1
Alignment:	Neutral	Damage:	2d4+special
Movement:	60'	Save:	F2
Armor Class:	8	Morale:	12
Hit Dice:	4	Hoard Class:	VII
Experience:	245

The nearly transparent gelatinous cube travels slowly along labyrinth corridors and cave floors, absorbing carrion, creatures, and trash. Inorganic material remains trapped and visible inside the cube’s body. A typical gelatinous cube is 10 feet on a side, though much larger specimens are not unknown. The translucent appearance of the gelatinous cube makes characters surprised on a surprise check roll of 1-4 on 1d6. A gelatinous cube attacks by slamming its body into its prey to engulf foes. This attack deals 2d4 hit points of damage, and an opponent must succeed in a saving throw versus paralyze or become paralyzed for 2d4 turns. The spell cure light wounds causes a character to regain movement, but this use does not heal hit points with the same casting. Subsequent attacks against a paralyzed foe always hit. Gelatinous cubes are immune to the effects of lightning and cold-based attacks. They take normal damage from weapons and fire-based attacks. (Labyrinth Lord OGL)


Variants

• Umber (or dung) Cube: It is said that using these to dispose of waste in an earth closet causes this mutation. This is identical to the normal cube, except the stench within 10' requires a save versus poison (Fortitude save DC 20, Con based) or be nauseated. All successful attacks also require a save versus poison or gain a disease (Filth Fever)
• Volcanic (or fire) Cube: This is a larval form of the cube. Being more dense it has between 4-6 hit dice. It does not paralyze but is resistant to physical damage, taking half damage from melee attacks. It is also immune to fire and has a fire aura, doing 2d4 points of damage to anyone within 10' and 1d4 points of damage to anyone within 20' as a wall of fire. These are never found except in the deepest corridors far away from wandering players. It breaks down the nuclear bonds between the material, fueling it's terrible growth.
• Grey (or psionic) Cube: certain otherworldly experiments on crossbreeding cubes have given them psionic powers. In addition to their normal features, they have 60+6d10 power points, Attack Modes: B, E, and Defense Modes F, with the Disciplines: Dominate, Cell Repair (6* Hit dice in hit points a round)
• Ebony (or black) Cube: Crossed with black puddings, these cubes are no longer transparent, but much more acidic. Their strikes also do an additional die of acid damage and have a chance of degrading armor, save versus paralysis or have your armor degrade by one category, from heavy to medium, or medium to light (DC 20 Reflex save or armor becomes broken). Weapons must also make this save.
• Electric (or yellow) Cube: Can discharge an electric aura every 1-4 rounds, doing a die+2 damage to every target within 10' and causing them to be stunned. A save versus paralyzation will negate the stunning effect (DC 20 Fortitude save versus paralyzation)
• Frost (or dirty white) Cube: A hybrid of brown mold, these cubes grow when exposed to heat and have an aura of cold doing 3 dice of subdual damage a round to anyone within 10'
• Spell (or pink) Cube: This brain cube is brilliant and can cast spells.
• Stunjelly (or dungeon) Cube: This is a cube that adapts by not being transparent, but by taking on the appearance of nearby walls. It smells of vinegar.

Recently I predictably found myself careening towards the 520 by way of 5, my nose in a book, much like the rest of the passengers aboard. During a moment of looking up from my book – to see the sky, which looks remarkably like this some days (tho not that day), or to prevent car sickness, or whatever – I noticed something odd at the front of the bus. Someone standing by the driver, in that hunched way that usually means aggression but can also mean trouble keeping your balance while standing in a bus that’s moving down a highway at more than 50mph. I looked around. Being towards the back half of an accordion bus means there were plenty of people closer – surely if there was something wrong, one of them would have stepped up. Based on their body language, though, most were actually absorbed in their media. Some of that focus was obviously intentional, rather than on whatever was going on at the front. Not a good sign.

I packed all my stuff away, put my phone and my wallet into my pockets. Asked the person next to me to watch my stuff, and walked towards the front. Walked past maybe 20 people, a few of whom looked up at me while I went by – we’re on an express route, and didn’t have a stop for a ways.

“How’s it going?” I asked, looking at the driver in the mirror.

“It’s.. ok,” he said, making eye contact.

The older, swaying man scoffed, turned to me, and said, “why, what would you do about it?”

“Whatever necessary to return the driver the attention he needs to keep us safe” I responded.

It then became an act of distracting him away from the driver, without having him escalate towards me, while our steersman got us to the next stop safely. The man experiencing angst had missed his stop (a significant thing on an express route), and the driver had not let him off at a non-stop area. Because of safety, and consistency, and because infrastructure does indeed have to adhere to The Rules. But I didn’t ask him about that (he was wrong, and would not have been persuaded otherwise. If he had valid concerns I would have focused on that, and proper channels to deal with complaints), I only kept reminding him that we were ON A BUS ON THE HIGHWAY AND HE WAS DISTRACTING THE DRIVER. I focused on the lives, in a very immediate and pressing way, which were at risk because of this distraction, not his behavior or what had triggered it. Focused only on potential outcome of his current approach. It mostly worked. He tried insults about my hair (heard it), my gender presentation (yawn), his physical superiority (just try). When we had arrived at our stop and he had been booted, I checked in with the driver – does he need my contact in case there is a report? Did he need anything else? – and then returned to my seat. Seething. Why is it an appallingly normal situation that, of all the people in an area, conflict resolution lands on the shoulders of myself and those I keep the company of? I nearly (nearly) had a “sheeple!” moment. And then I took a deep breath and drew a chart instead.

Physical harm based on proximity to incidence. Of course this graph is subjective.

 

 

I started to think about why people don’t engage in situations like these. Things like Diffusion of Responsibility have been studied at great length in the past – the same reason asking someone to watch my bag for me is successful is also why individuals don’t step up to help an individual when a large group is present. See the obligatory reference to Bystander Effect and Kitty Genovese (case taken with grain of salt, but Bystander Effect is well established). But I would hope that the people I associate with would actively dislike being a bystander, and are simply lacking the understanding of how to engage.

Here’s a quick run-down on how I engage with conflict. The base assumption being that you HAVE to, as you’ll be the only one. (Except for when you’re not, and the beauty of a group of strangers coming together around a pressing issue is beautiful. You will be supported, and supporting someone else. Just because one person has stepped up doesn’t mean you shouldn’t as well.) First, you have to assess the situation. These are generalities and non-linear.

• Assess what is going on, severity, is this for you or “official” response, etc. Who is most at risk? Are you protecting or breaking things up?
• What is the end goal?
• Where can you help, if you can? If you can’t help, what needs to happen to assist the situation?
• What sort of engagement can you do, and what is the backup plan if it escalates past that?

Now that you know vaguely what you’re dealing with and what your limits are, it’s time to engage. Certainly contextual to danger you’re not prepared to deal with.

• Check in, usually via eye contact. Do this with the person who is least in control. Also do this with the person in the most control to see if they’re of the persuading type. Ask each how they are doing.
• No matter what insults are thrown, or arguments are made, stick to what your goal is. It can be hard to be rational in these situations, and easy to get pulled into the energy. Stick to your mental guns.
• If needed, enlist someone nearby to call authority figures. You need your attention where it is, and hopefully this means you’ve pulled at least one person out of by-stander headspace into up-stander headspace.
• Oftentimes, just being called on being inappropriate it enough to get an individual or group to desist.

Me, personally, I’m pretty ok with getting into a fist fight so long as I am fairly certain there aren’t any weapons around. While getting hit sucks, the mere willingness to put yourself at that risk deescalates most situations. Think of it like poker, and you’re calling a bluff – but you have to be willing to take the hit if you’re wrong. Here is why I think it’s imperative to take responsibility in these situations, broken down in chart format:

This is important to me because, honestly, sometimes I need backup too. I’m reminded of sitting on the BART, headed to the airport, when two guys came and sat in the seats near me. There was the pretty standard come-ons, accompanied by aggressive body language, clearly trying to box me into the seat. I did my usual progression: first good natured “sorry, not interested, and did you know your approach is kind of awkward?” followed by “not even cute. Piss off.” They even pushed it to the point of dead-on eye lock with “Look. Either persuade me you don’t have balls, or I’m going to remove them.” They got off at the next stop, muttering between themselves. While their actions were appalling, what I found so much more awful were that when I had tried to make eye contact with the other people on the car, of whom there were plenty, no one would. And while I can take care of myself, the thought of someone who is less willing to cause lots of damage (even if losing) seeking help and not getting it makes me feel utterly disgusted.

Our system is incredibly flawed in how we hold perpetrators accountable for their actions. I am not disputing that. But equally (or more) dangerous is a lack of taking bystanders to task. And to that end, I want you to listen to the most recent Brainmeats! podcast on Social Scripts for Abuse, and think about how we can fix this. What role does a community play around bad actors? That community can be social or geographic. As always, it starts with you. Stand up. I hope this has given the beginning structures on which to engage.

Safe space (online and off) isn’t just about policies and retributions, it’s about how we as individuals encourage, expect, and enforce it. It’s not about ego (either it getting bruised if you fail, or bolstered if you don’t), it’s about being able to exist.

WOOP

You can order a poster here.

As far as I can tell, letting your players improvise is simultaneously the best and worst thing you can possibly do in a role-playing game, a lesson I guess Geordi is going to learn the ancient-fashioned way. And I’m a little worried about the toll this whole thing might take on Keiko and Miles relationship.

But boy are lightbulbs going off in Picard’s head right now. Unexamined possibilities! Riker may be Picard’s Number One, but deep down inside we all know that Picard is Picard’s number one fan.

I was trying to figure out what rank to give Miles here, since the DS9 assignment is a promotion but I’m not sure what to or even what from. He was apparently referred to as both a Petty Officer and a Lt. junior grade on TNG, and at some point later on in DS9 it’s made finally explicit that he’s a Sr. Petty Officer, but it’s not clear to me whether at that point he became one or someone just said it out loud finally, and nobody seems to be really sure up to that specific point what he’s actually been in the mean time. And I don’t know anything about military hierarchy and officer ranks except that Captain Picard is damned sure a Captain and also whatever I’ve learned from getting people killed in X-Com.

So if someone wants to sort this whole thing out in the comments, please feel free.

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exoskeletoncabaret posted a photo:

First tintype off the "new" camera. It's full of technical errors but by golly, it worked. Also, we sold it to a guy 30 min after it was varnished. Like you do.

Originally photographed with Henrietta, the 1908 Seneca Black Beauty 4x5, and then meta-photographed with my iPhone 4s.

Taken by Libby Bulloff and Stephen Robinson at Exoskeleton Cabaret, '57 Biscayne, Seattle, WA. December 2012.

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@mediapathic made this. Every time I rediscover it, I giggle for five minutes straight.

I sat down to process orders today and made a stunning discovery.

An order from Chile was unusual enough—I ship to Australia and the UK and Canada all the time, but other international destinations are more rare.  My interest was piqued immediately, but when I clicked the order to start printing shipping labels and such, I was absolutely floored.

The Gemini Observatory is one of the most important observatories working today.  They hold the honor of taking the first image of a directly observable exoplanet. They produce images you have almost certainly marveled at, and the chances that their images made up some of my reference material during the creation of the Deep Map Pilots illustrations are very high.  My father is a science fiction novelist and my grandfather was a NASA engineer.  This is, personally and professionally, huge.

I just told Warren.  He said, and I quote, “That is INCREDIBLE.”

They ordered complete sets of both the photos and the postcards, but they’re going to be getting a lot more than that.  I owe them big.  We all do.  And the fact that they like my art enough to buy it, well.  I’m sorry, there seems to be some stardust in my eye.

EDIT: I also got an order from someone at MIT.  Honestly, this makes it all worthwhile.