Cary

Guys, if you can’t fathom why women hate being catcalled, just think about those obnoxious salesmen at mall kiosks. You know how awkward and annoyed you feel trying to get by them as they desperately try to push their shitty product on you?

Imagine if that happened EVERYWHERE, and if - instead of shoe cleaner - their product was DICK.

That’s a woman’s reality: a never-ending, thinly veiled penis infomercial. Moral reasons aside, you shouldn’t catcall simply because it doesn’t work. From an economic standpoint, dick is over-saturating the marketplace. Supply and demand. Too many guys are trying to supply dick. Droves of desperate dudes are drastically decreasing dick demand, detrimenting distribution.

Simply put: The Cock Market is an all time low.

The reason vagina is such a valuable commodity is because it’s harder to come by. You can’t just get it through a hole in the wall at a truck stop bathroom. You want your product to sell, you have to create a need.

In everyone’s best interest, gentlemen, treat your dicks like the McRib. Periodically take them off the market. Give consumers a chance to miss them and forget how gross they really are.

Frontispiece. Dog cave. The book of curiosities : containing ten thousand wonders and curiosities of nature and art. 1822.

A crappy job from the ancient world —- The Guardian of the Royal Anus

In ancient Egypt the pharaoh had an entire staff to meet his every need.  What was most impressive was the team of doctors that was always on hand to diagnose and treat whatever ailment the pharaoh should happen to be stricken with.  There was the Guardian of the Eyes (Ophthalmologist), the Guardian of the Teeth (Dentist), Guardian of the Heart (Cardiologist), and just about every medical specialty that could be thought of.  One of these esteemed ancient physicians was the Guardian of the Anus, what we would consider today to be a Proctologist. 

The job of the Guardian of the Anus was to attend to the digestive health and the health of the royal posterior.  As Guardian of the Anus, the physician was qualified to diagnose digestive ailments and administer medicines such as emetics (cause vomiting in case of poison) and clysters (enema).  The Guardian of the Anus was also a nutritional expert, knowing what the best diet was to keep his highness regular.  The final duty of the Guardian of the Anus was to administer regular enemas.  From ancient times to the Victorian Age enemas were believed to cure a whole range of maladies.  They were also believed to prevent illness and were administered several times a month for good health.

Source: Medicine in the Days of the Pharaohs

 By Bruno Halioua, Bernard Ziskind, page 13.

teachorg:

#BlackHistoryMonth #tbt: Being the first African American woman to travel to space is one of Mae Jemison’s many accomplishments. A dancer, Peace Corps doctor, public speaker and astronaut, Mae went to college at age 16, holds 9 honorary doctorates and has founded many STEM-related programs for students.

I will never be even half as cool as her.

I guess you don’t need a medical degree to run for office, and heck, you don’t even need grade school anatomy.

An Idaho lawmaker received a brief lesson on female anatomy after asking if a woman can swallow a small camera for doctors to conduct a remote gynecological exam.

The question Monday from Republican Rep. Vito Barbieri came as the House State Affairs Committee heard nearly three hours of testimony on a bill that would ban doctors from prescribing abortion-inducing medication through telemedicine.

Just so you know: things that enter the mouth can then pass on to the esophagus, stomach, small intestine, large intestine, and rectum, and then exit through the anus. That path does not connect to the ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, cervix or vagina. It doesn’t even run through to the kidneys or urethra.

It’s only in Republicans that there is a major loop from the colon up through the spine, in through the foramen magnum, and then terminating directly on the forebrain, so we could conceivably do brain scans by feeding them small remote cameras. If we thought they had a brain worth examining.

Explain that, evolution!

By the way, after demonstrating his ignorance, Barbieri of course went on to vote for a bill prohibiting the use of telemedicine in prescribing abortion medication.

Ahh, are you confused??

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Something amazing, Jon Adams

nevver:

Fuck it list

iheartcatgifs:

Take a break to do this dance move right now—it’ll definitely make your day better.

Great costumes, great turnout of willing idiots to jump into a hole in the lake for a cause. Just awesome, everyone!

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Daniel R. Small’s Billboard #1 at night above interstate highway (all images courtesy the artist)

A series of ten billboards erected along Interstate 10 in southern New Mexico by the art organization Los Angeles Nomadic Division (LAND) has provoked suspicion, anxiety, and even outright antagonism. The billboards are part of “The Manifest Destiny Billboard Project,” a series of artist-produced billboards that are unfolding across the United States through Spring 2015 and tracing the history of America’s territorial expansion from east to west. The project, curated by artist Zoe Crosher and LAND’s Director Shamim M. Momin, includes 10 artists — among them John Baldessari and Shana Lutker — who each have or will create a “chapter” of billboards along the route west.

The set of billboards in New Mexico is by Los Angeles-based artist Daniel R. Small, and are known as “Chapter 7: Pending Cipher for the Open Present.” Small’s billboard images contain information appropriated from two quasi-historical landmarks. The black writing is based on the inscriptions upon Los Lunas Decalogue Stone which contains the text of the Ten Commandments written in a language derived from old Cypriot Greek and ancient Hebrew. This text — which might appear to the average passerby like a swarm of indecipherable angular symbols — is then interspersed with modern proofreading marks in red and superimposed over photographs from the set of Cecil B. DeMille’s classic 1923 film The Ten Commandments in Guadalupe, California.

Location of Small’s ten billboards in southern New Mexico (Screenshot by the author for Hyperallergic)

Taken together, Small’s red marks and black text meld into hieroglyphic-like symbols that have aroused curiosity and trepidation in some locals. Craig Melton, a resident of Las Cruces, told the Las Cruces Sun News, “I’ve been trying to figure out what it is, what it means.” Melton, who drives past the billboards several times a week, explained:

I was beginning to wonder if it was some kind of threat or warning. You never know, we’re close to the border and you think that ISIS or some other subversives might be trying to get at us.

Melton isn’t alone in his averse reaction to the billboards; in the comments section of Las Cruces Sun News’s Facebook link to the article, others expressed both curiosity and distaste about the “foreign country writing” and “terrorist words” inscribed on the billboards.

Comment on Las Cruces Sun News’s Facebook page (Screenshot by the author for Hyperallergic)

Comment on Las Cruces Sun News’s Facebook page (Screenshot by the author for Hyperallergic)

Other commenters focus on the fact that the billboards were inscribed with a non-English language, lamenting that a translation was not readily available below Small’s text. “I thought terrorists were making their way into the city,” remarked one commenter, “this has been a concern in my mind since [the billboards have] been up … glad they are the 10 commandments-but how are we to know if we can’t read it?”

Comment on Las Cruces Sun News’s Facebook page (Screenshot by the author for Hyperallergic)

Others expressed their distaste for the billboards in person. In an email from February 13, Small recounts:

There was also a very hostile reaction from a local neighborhood when the installers from Lamar were up the billboard ladder. A group of locals surrounded the base of the pole shouting obscenities and claiming that the billboards were either Satanic or Islamic.

In this instance, the equation of Satanism and Islamism may stem from the Islamophobia rampant in the United States, and the intensity and tenor of viewer responses is bizarre. As one commenter laments, “If you can’t read something, the first thing that pops in your head is terrorists?”

Comment on Las Cruces Sun News’s Facebook page (Screenshot by the author for Hyperallergic)

Small did not anticipate this level of response to his billboards and notes that none of the other chapters of the Manifest Destiny project, thus far, have elicited such heated responses. The “misinterpretation” of the language on his billboards and viewers’ projection of meaning and provenance upon the text adds another dimension to Small’s layering of deceptive information. Both the text and image content of Small’s billboards are fabricated; according to Small, the language is formulated from a fusion of ancient Greek and Hebrew and “the site (The Los Lunas Decalogue Stone) was staged by archaeologist Frank Hibben who is known to have forged several archaeological sites to prove his theory about pre-Columbian contact with North America by an unknown civilization.”

Comment on Las Cruces Sun News’s Facebook page (Screenshot by the author for Hyperallergic)

The project engages with billboards’ place and function in American culture as sites of capitalistic excess, political promotion, and religious feuds sentiment. Unlike most billboards that dot the American landscape, Small argues that his are more than merely symbolic instructions.” By hinting at the history of the surrounding landscape itself, the project pushes back upon the perception of billboards as visual pollution. The history that informs Small’s billboards is, however, a rather inaccessible and opaque one of which few are aware. Most viewers expect billboards to be easily understandable and to impart their message with little resistance, so Small’s billboards, which call for greater contemplation and, perhaps even an acknowledgement of their incomprehensibility, have aroused anger and frustration in audiences to an extent that is both comical and illuminating. As commenter Daniel Rodriguez asks: “Meaning to who [sic] I’m an American [and] I can’t understand it wtf?”

Billboard #3

Billboard #5

Billboard #7

The billboards in “Chapter 7: Pending Cipher for the Open Present” will remain on view through the end of February. The Manifest Destiny Billboard Project continues across the United States through June 2015. 

“As though he was born to it, Wes Anderson, working from a script that he actually wrote himself, managed to corral hundreds of pastries, be-ribboned items, and quite a large number of human men on various sets while directing The Grand Budapest Hotel.”

“Alejandro G. Inarritu, despite never having directed a movie about a man-bird hybrid before, impressively directed this movie about a man-bird hybrid, called Birdman. Most notable are his innovative tracking shots, which were not in any way a part of his previous films, but he put them in this film anyway, because he felt this film needed them. That takes cojones, Alejandro!”

“Richard Linklater pretty much made up the film Boyhood as he went along, but because he had the story very clearly laid out in his head, he was able to keep at it for twelve years despite being a white man. His persistence is inspirational to other white men who want to take forever to make a movie.”

“Many historians have taken issue with how Morten Tyldum, the first Norwegian man to be nominated for Best Director, chose to portray mathematical genius Alan Turing in the film The Imitation Game. Those decrying the film’s depiction of events note that the script completely rewrites history, tossing out the literally thousands of people who worked alongside Turing in breaking the Nazi code so that the Allies could win the war, and replacing them with Keira Knightley. They also point out that the efforts of the American, French and British military forces, among others, have may have had an even larger role than Turing in ending World War II. Finally, some take issue with how Turing is never shown having actual sex with another man, despite the film being entirely set in buildings where no one has ever had sex. Tyldum has been quoted as saying that ‘sometimes liberties are needed to make truer art’ but this has not satisfied the rabid nay-sayers who cannot countenance this film.”

“Bennett Miller would be the first man named Bennett to be named Best Director, were he to win.”