You know something? Cats just get it… they intrinsically know that if you get overwhelmed you should just pass out in a sunbeam in the middle of the floor because that’s how it be sometimes
trevenant:You know something? Cats just get it… they intrinsically know that if you get overwhelmed...
So I was planning on barbecuing some chicken burgers for supper this evening, but the tank ran out of propane while I was burning the shmutz off of the grille.
No big deal, I thought: I’m out of propane and I don’t have a car, but there’s a service station that does tank exchanges just a couple of blocks away. I’ll load the empty tank into a wheeled cart, drag it down to the service station, swap it for a full one, drag the new tank back - problem solved.
Additional problem the first: when I get to the service station, the attendant informs me that scarcely ten minutes before I got there, some guy with like fifteen empty tanks in the back of his truck had wheeled up and totally cleaned them out - they had no full tanks to give me.
Okay, I thought, I can deal with this: there’s another service station three blocks further on. What was meant to be a four-block round trip is now a ten-block round trip, but hey, I can use the exercise.
I haul myself down to the other service station, swap out the tank, and set off for home.
Additional problem the second: as I’m on my way back, the sky opens up in a massive thunderstorm. Normally this would just mean I get wet, were it not for…
Additional problem the third: the route I’ve chosen involves briefly crossing an open field - which is exactly where I happen to be when the storm hits.
So now there’s lightning coming down everywhere, and I’m standing out in the open, soaking wet, holding onto a metal canister full of explosive gas.
I just wanted some chicken burgers.
this hero’s journey demands resolution
I’m in the process of barbecuing those burgers as we speak. I figure if I’ve survived this far I might as well go for broke!
A Happy Resolution To A Tale Of Hubris
Taking place in England the owners of the yard slowly kept adding sections to the contraption so when the squirrel learned one section and got the nuts, they’d add another section. It took over 2 weeks to get to the final product you see in the video.
I love how it pushed itself along in the red cart. FASTER FASTER!
Squirrel Ninja Warrior!
This is some apex squirrel Olympic shit
That's Bob's bitey zone -- scratch there and anything in front of his face will get bit. (none of the other cats react other than, perhaps, a butt lift)
Babies being sacrified to fuel an aging Walt Disney (1981)
Our descendants will find our songs about butts and preference for thick ones ridiculously quaint, much like the Victorians going apeshit over visible ankles.
#god knows what they will be into #livers maybe
Our constant exposure to pornography and easy smut will numb us to nudity. Eventually the hot new fetish will be gastro shows, where a live holographic display of the performers internal organs.
did you just invent vore
When I was a little kid being allowed to look things up on the internet for the first time, my mom gave me a Talk on Internet Safety. There were Things On The Internet, she explained. Inappropriate Things. Things I Was Too Young To See.
Little me felt that I was a Girl Of The World. I had Seen Things, I pointed out. We had gone to the art museum; we had visited the part with the ancient Greek and Roman statues. I had seen (sotto voce) naked people. Not just in skimpy clothing, or underwear, or even a fig leaf, but entirely naked! There was nothing left for me to see!
My (poor, patient) mother sighed. No, she explained, there were Other Things. Things I Had Not Seen. Things Of Which I Did Not Know. They were on the internet, and I was to avoid them.
It was clear that this was the Parental Final World. But Small Me was left terribly, terribly curious. I’d thought I’d understood how things worked – a picture of a person in regular clothes was modest; a picture of a person in a little less than that, like Marilyn Monroe with her skirt being blown up, was a little bit racy; a picture of a person in underwear was pretty much a sex thing; and a picture of a totally naked person was (if it wasn’t art or anatomy) pornography.
So how could there be something more so than a totally naked person? What could this wrong forbidden inappropriate unnatural thing be?
The sequence so far had made sense! Less clothes, more inappropriate! And eventually you got down to nothing at all at which point you’d seen everything there was to see and nothing was left private anymore and married people could engage in baby-producing activities!
So I mulled this over for a long time. And finally, I came to a conclusion:
Clearly, the next step in the sequence had to be taking off your skin.
This was extremely explanatory! No wonder this Secret Thing was so wrong – you had to skin someone alive to produce it! No wonder they didn’t want kids seeing it – how traumatic! This really was a Perverted Deviance Of Modern Society!
Small Me proceeded to make the obvious series of extrapolations from this. There would be videos of people slowly and sexily removing their own skin, or other people’s skin, of course. There’d be images arranged to look like someone was removing their skin when they really weren’t. Some truly disturbed perverts would be watching videos where the muscle was stripped off, to show organs and bones. And no wonder sex slavery and prostitution were so horrifying, if women were being forced into that.
(Yes. Yes, I was familiar with the concept of prostitution but couldn’t figure out the concept of porn. What can I say; I had a classical education. Turns out one of those comes up in Great Literature a lot more often than the other.)
In any case, Small Me continued to operate under this assumption for quite some time, happy in its explanatory power, and feeling Terribly World-Wise And Jaded. (And occasionally feeling vaguely guilty that clearly I was not nearly so innocent as my mother thought.)
Finding out what pornography actually involved was kind of anticlimactic, really.
wig chronicles 😂
“Want me talk dirty to you ?” How you fall for that ?! 😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭💀💀💀💀💀💀
I love this.
This was so pure omfg
Fuckin murdered her ass 💀
I can’t wait for this lol
I want this shit lol
baby bunny definitely goes in pocket!
if i were a zookeeper my intrusive thoughts would be wild
brain: slap that penguin. right across his little blubbery tummy. it’ll jiggle.
me: no??? that’s mean???
brain: polar bear, then
brain: the lions just got fed raw meat
brain: steal it and eat it in front of them
rowan i want you to know that this is the best possible reply i could have received
I work with animals and this is true for me. No, I cannot eat sea stars out the touch tank no matter HOW good you think the cronch will be, brain.
sometimes you wonder what was going through the head of the first human to eat something really weird and then you see this post and stop wondering
This 100% was me at the zoo. Don’t touch Melon, he’s mean. Okay, but I have to touch Bob to make him get his stupid emu head out of my shirt, so what if I also touch Melon until he likes it?
Sephiroth is angery because he has one wing and sometimes attacks people? I want to pet him also. Also he won’t get off the rock I have to clean anyway, surely a little pets on the good side will be fine.
Martha and Stewart are assholes that tag-team while the pond is filling? I bet I could CUDDLE THEM.
The female deer will excitedly nuzzle you in the stomach for feeding them. This is fine, because they don’t have antlers. The male deer is locked up while we’re putting out food because he will gouge you to death with his little nubby asymmetrical horns, because he thinks the females are doing it.
The entire monkey enclosure will eat your fingers for a single fruit loop. They also have the smallest arms and can reach through holes they’ve made in the tarp on the gate to their enclosure. Do not hold hands with the monkeys. (2nd gen old man monkey will also pee on the keepers that don’t give him fruit loops. He is a jerk.)
The rehabilitated bear that still sits like she’s on a couch because she did that when she was living in a crack house? Yes, she looks chill. Yes, she looks The Softest. No, do not pet her back through the fence. No, do not go into the corridor and try to offer treats for pets.
Big Mac does not know he will break your ribs, but YOU know he will break your ribs. Do not enter Big Mac’s enclosure no matter how much he chuffs and displays his belly and rubs on the cage and looks sad. Yes, he genuinely wants pets. Yes, Pinkie is deliberately getting pets where he can see it as a sign of dominance even though she’s a housecat and he could eat her in approximately one bite.
The turtle is mean. Period. He is an old man and he does not like you. He does not like the parrot getting fries and he does not like that he is in a kiddie pool to warm up because his enclosure lost power, and he does not like you behind him preparing food for the owls and raptors. Petting him will not help this. He will rock back and forth and mean mug you forever because he is a grumpy old man.
All of the rabbits need more handling on principle. They don’t know you and they are very distressed that you’re taking their poop away. They can learn, a little, kind of. The guinea pig is insane and will not learn. Do not pet the guinea pig.
this post is gathering some highly blessed zoo stories i love it! thank you
as biologist, can confirm
brain: that frog is very small
me: well spotted, brain
brain: put smol frog in mouth
brain: that lynx…looks so fluffy…
me: it does
brain: we should pet it.
me: it’s awake and angry so no.
brain: baaaaby bunny.
brain: baby bunny goes in pocket
me: nooo it doesn’t.
A friend was just in Australia and had some really cute pictures from a wombat rescue facility
Local council called out on Twitter
help-mywife: help, my wife got wine drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire, saying...
help, my wife got wine drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire, saying “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”
brown cow? stunning
vampiricyoshi: neilnevins: neilnevins: Bugs Bunny could singlehandedly defeat Thanos by dressing up...
Bugs Bunny could singlehandedly defeat Thanos by dressing up as a TSA agent and setting up a metal detector in the middle of the battlefield saying that all metal objects must be removed if you want to pass on through now stick around for my 2,000 word essay on just how effectively he would convince The Mad Titan to comply
“For shame, doc! Dontcha know we got other folks waiting?”
(Thanos looks behind him and sees dozens of Bugs Bunnies dressed as angry yelling travelers with huge bags of luggage. Thanos rubs his neck guiltily and begins sliding off the gauntlet)
I felt compelled
Is Bugs Bunny some kind of trickster god? Is he an Old One? Who is he