I’ve discovered ‘Nailed It’, a new Netflix baking show hosted by Nicole Byers, in which less-than-skilled home bakers compete in recreating fancy cakes in a bid to win $10,000. It’s like reverse Bake Off and it’s hilarious.
Some quality TV at last…
This just went straight to the front of my Netflix queue.
I'm pretty sure that I could have made something better than that when I was around 7
I'm gonna do this one:
Glue all the eggs in the hubcaps of someone’s computer.
On April 1, people play pranks on one another, and a well-designed hilarious-but-harmless prank is a true work of art. There are lists of pranks online for inspiration, but there are only so many of these, and what do you do if your target has already read the same lists?
I train algorithms called neural networks to write humor - usually inadvertent, as they try to name paint colors or invent pies or design candy heart messages. Once I tried to train a neural network to tell knock-knock jokes, to mixed success.
I wanted to find out if I could get a neural network to invent new April Fool’s pranks. I collected pranks from internet lists until I got tired of it - but because each list only had a few, I gave up after I had collected only 132 entries. This is a pitifully small dataset, especially for sentences. I set up a special-purpose neural net for this, with lots of smarts but a very short memory. As I hoped, it learned individual words and phrasing from the dataset, but rearranged them into new combinations.
The result: pranks that they will never expect, and will never understand.
Place a pair of pants and shoes in your ice dispenser.
Put marbles in the refrigerator.
A meat and mashed potato sundae makes for quite the hand soap dispenser.
Put a glow stick in a toilet paper into the toe of your kid’s shoes.
Conference call two people then, when, when your kid asks what it is, say “Dinner.”
Try using old clothes to pee.
Glue all the eggs in the hubcaps of someone’s computer.
Put marbles in the hand soap dispenser.
Put food coloring in the mailbox.
Take the door knob off your kid’s shoes.
Hide an alarm clock in someone’s keyboard who isn’t a very good typist.
Hide all of the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.
Putting googly eyes on someone’s computer mouse so that it won’t work.
If you rip up a toilet paper roll, then leave them a ransom note.
Serve up a glass of juice in the fridge!
Place a pair of pants and shoes in Easter egg foils.
Rearrange somebody while pretending to pee.
Fill in this form, and I’ll email you more rejected April Fool’s pranks that make even less sense.
Dinara Kasko, is a Ukrainian pastry chef who skillfully mixes the principles of design and architecture to create impressive cakes. Produced in collaboration with mathematicians and sculptors, these innovative cakes are thought to be experiments combining algorithms and 3D printing.
god my neighbor just called me and she’s like… is this your chicken in our driveway… like who else has a chicken in this neighborhood yes it’s my chicken… so i get over there and kylo hen is chilling in their driveway eating some specs and stuff and there’s this actual crowd of people around her and i’m like… hi sorry mb let me get her… and oh my god… they’re like do you need us to call someone?? should we get help?? how should we do this?? do you need a net? like bitch it’s a chicken not a fucking komodo dragon. so i just… i was kind of joking around so i crouched down and patted my thighs and all the chickens are trained to come to me on sight because me = food… so i got down there and went “here girl!! come here!!” and the chicken comes running over and this group of actual adult ass individuals were staring at me like i was the fucking pied piper… and i didn’t know what to say…. so i just kind of walked back to my yard with the chicken following me and none of them moved or said a damn word and i think i literally just convinced them this chicken is trained like a dog…
your chicken’s name is kylo hen
deluxetrashqueen: Someone: “I want a cat/rabbit/other animal that will be super openly affectionate,...
Someone: “I want a cat/rabbit/other animal that will be super openly affectionate, go for walks, play fetch, not mind being handled rough, never be shy, and also I don’t want it to claw me or the furniture(so I’ll probably get it declawed) and I don’t want to ever clean a litter box or cage.”
Me: “Hey there’s this great new type of animal you might be interested in:”
Someone: “I want a dog but I don’t ever want to take it for walks or exercise it very much or let it outside and I want it to be fine with being left alone for longer periods of time and also never bark.”
Someone: “I want a cat or dog but I want to only feed it a vegan diet.”
Someone: “I want to have a pet but I basically never want to interact with it.”
Someone: “I want to get my kid a cute pet for Easter/Christmas!”
Get a pet that fits your needs. Don’t get a pet then try to force it to fit your lifestyle. Just because you saw a person walking a rabbit once doesn’t mean you can expect a rabbit to just be a dog. Just get a dog!
French artist Cédric Le Borgne works to creates delicate wire sculptures all around the world. He suspends his art above public spaces in the hope that it enriches everyone who passes by. In an interview he describes how he makes his art relatable to all people:
There is no provocation, there is no concept, there is no code to understand. The picture is empty, so the mind can live in the sculpture. Combustus
Posted by Lisa
My wife still regrets giving away a cute little orange girl kitten that basically sat on her foot as we were leaving for work one morning.
She was the chubbiest little thing evar, but nobody claimed her. My BiL's friend wanted a cat, so the wife gave her to them. It's not like we were even at peak cat -- we could have kept her.
Capitalism doing what it does best.
Don’t do drugs, ladies and gents. 😂😭😂😭😂😭
“Whats your safe word?”
That part had me weak 😂😭😂😭😂😭
“You think I’m in pilates?”😭
“watch ya fingers bootyhole man!!” Lmfaooaoaoaoooo
Lol i need to be his friend
The sound he makes when he picks him up 😂😂😂😂😂😂
The cutest shit though…
heres a little.. controversy
Totes adorbs feather cat.
Apparently owls melt in direct sunlight.
I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.
I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”
when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”
One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”
One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”
She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.
Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed
Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.
i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it
but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”
as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”
there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”
the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”
one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.”
we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”
I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.
Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.
Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.
I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”
i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.
I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”
Better than bunny-based raisinettes
Since Easter is on April Fools this year:
reblog for noises
TURN THE SOUND ON FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD TURN THE SOUND ON
*dry food crunches*
Ridiculously small kitten: “Myam myam myam. Njam njam njam njam njam njam njam! Myam myam myam nyam nyam myam. Mmmam. Mrrrrram. Meep!”
reblog cuz captions amazingly accurate
I need this pattern.
I need to get word out about Skype A Scientist, a free program that matches scientists and teachers for 30-60 minute Q and A sessions about the scientists work!
If you’re a student, TELL YOUR TEACHERS
If you’re a parent, TELL YOUR KID’S TEACHER
If your sister/brother/cousin is a teacher, TELL THEM PLEASE
If your uncle is a school administrator, YO EMAIL HIM
If your aunt/godmother/neighbor is a librarian, YES THEY SHOULD KNOW TOO
PLEASE PLEASE REBLOG
I’d follow that religion.
I probably would have lost some fingers.
Photographer Bobby-Jo Clow found herself face-to-face with a cheetah cubwho approached her Landrover while on safari at the Serengeti National Park in Tanzania. She documented the curious cat’s looks of wonder and trepidation at the vehicle and its passengers.
"Yip Yips" also seems like it should be in the Silly/Descriptive overlap
golden eagle having a relaxing time
This is the world’s largest flying Engine of Murder marveling at the fact that it can actually have its tummy rubbed.
I feel like this is the next step up on “loose your fingers” roulette from petting a kittie’s tummy, but just below belly rubs for say a lion.
Can someone who knows birds better than I do tell me whether this eagle is as happy as it looks? Because I want it to be happy. It looks so happy. Bewildered by having a friend, but so happy.
Just popping on this thread to confirm: yes, the eagle is happy about the belly rubs. Golden eagles make this sound when receiving allopreening and similar affectionate and soothing treatment from their parents and mates. It’s the “I am safe and well fed, and somebody familiar is taking good care of me” sound. Angry raptors and wounded raptors make some pretty dramatic hisses and shrieks; frightened raptors go dead silent and try to hide if they can, or fluff up big and get loud and in-your-face if hiding isn’t an option. They can easily sever a finger or break the bones of a human hand or wrist, and even with a very thick leather falconer’s gauntlet, I’ve known falconers to leave a mews (hawk house) with graphic punctures THROUGH the gauntlet into the meat of their hands and arms, just from buteos and kestrels way smaller than this eagle. A pissed off hawk will make damn sure you don’t try twice whatever you pulled that pissed her off, even if she’s been human-imprinted.
If you’re ever unsure about an animal’s level of okayness with something that’s happening, there are three spot-check questions you can ask, to common-sense your way through it:
1. Is the animal capable of defending itself or making a threatening or fearful display, or otherwise giving protest, and if so, is it using this ability? (e.g. dog snarling or biting, swan hissing, horse kicking or biting)
2. Does the animal experience an incentive-based relationship with the human? (i.e. does the animal have a reason, in the animal’s frame of reference, for being near this human? e.g. dog sharing companionship / food / shelter, hawk receiving good quality abundant food and shelter and medical care from a falconer)
3. Is the animal a domesticated species, with at least a full century of consistent species cohabitation with humans? (Domesticated animals frequently are conditioned from birth or by selective breeding to be unbothered by human actions that upset their feral nearest relatives.)
In this situation, YES the eagle can self-defend, YES the eagle has incentive to cooperate with and trust the human handler, and NO the eagle is not a domesticated species, meaning we can expect a high level of reactivity to distress, compared to domestic animals: if the eagle was distressed, it would be pretty visible and apparent to the viewer. These aren’t a universally applicable metric, but they’re a good start for mammal and bird interactions.
Pair that with the knowledge that eagles reserve those chirps for calm environments, and you can be pretty secure and comfy in the knowledge that the big honkin’ birb is happy and cozy.
Also, to anybody wondering, falconers are almost single-handedly responsible for the recovery from near-extinction of several raptor species, including and especially peregrine falcons. Most hawks only live with the falconer for a year, and most of that year is spent getting the bird in ideal condition for survival and success as a wild breeding adult. Falconers are extensively trained and dedicated wildlife conservationists, pretty much by definition, especially in the continental USA, and they make up an unspeakably important part of the overall conservation of predatory bird species. Predatory birds are an important part of every ecosystem they inhabit. Just like apiarists and their bees, the relationship between falconer and hawk is one of great benefit to the animal and the ecosystem, in exchange for a huge amount of time, effort, expense, and education on the part of the human, for very little personal benefit to that one human. It’s definitely not exploitation of the bird, and most hawks working with falconers are hawks who absolutely would not have reached adulthood without human help: the sick, the injured, and the “runts” of the nest who don’t receive adequate resources from their own parents. These are, by and large, wonderful people who are in love with the natural world and putting a lifetime of knowledge and sheer exhausting work into conserving it and its winged wonders.
reblogged for excellent info, I’m so glad that big gorgeous birb really is as happy as it looks!
Today’s bit of positive activism: A reminder that, although the world may contain many bad and awful things, it also contains an enormous winged predator clucking happily as a human gives it a belly rub.