Cowboy Who?

by Dan Savage

I'm a European heterosexual girl and reading your column from afar has been a good way for me to better know the sex world! I am wondering if you have advice for me about a "faster" way to do blowjobs. Or rather a way to make my boyfriend come faster from them. I like doing them but after some time my mouth begins to hurt and I'd like him to finish. My partner is "slower" to come than other men I've been with. During intercourse sex I don't mind. I usually come first but is not a problem to wait for him to finish. But during oral sex, it is harder to wait. Sometimes I say no to giving him a blowjob because I know the effort it will take. I don't want to talk with him about this because I don't want to make him self-conscious. I know how good it is to receive oral sex without thinking about having to rush my own orgasm and I don't want to make him feel rushed. In the years of our relationship I haven't found a trick that gives me the power of to make it faster. I need some button to push. Maybe you have some tips for me?

Sex Tips Inducing Faster Finish Easing Discomfort

papapupi:

… vía  papapupi

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You don't need to send me a technical hate-mail. Actually, I'm a big fan of Star Track.

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Investigators say the animals were receiving a nutritionally deficient diet, inadequate and untimely veterinary care and insufficient shelter from the weather.

(Image credit: Marc Piscotty/Getty Images)

Weeks after setting a record high, the price for Bitcoin has fallen dramatically along with other cryptocurrencies over factors ranging from inflation to, yes, Elon Musk.

(Image credit: Martin Bureau/AFP via Getty Images)

Bet you didn't think these things were useful now, did ya?

Links 'n Stuff
Applied Science's video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7NEI_C9Yh0
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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClRwC5Vc8HrB6vGx6Ti-lhA
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As seen in the forthcoming Only Fermi Paradox Jokes SMBC collection.

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It's that easy.

Superhero movies got nothing on Danish cinema



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Simultaneously appearing to foam at the mouth was a bit too far, though.

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“If you are close to 40 years old, you are no longer a kid. Now the buzzword is ‘geriatric millennial.’ This definition, which has sparked controversy on social media, defines millennials who were born in the first half of the 1980s and who are comfortable with both analog and digital communications.”
— Entrepreneur, 5/18/21

As your millennial ages from a young, virile mass-murderer of industries to a creaky, non-ironic user of emojis, you may be wondering how to best care for them. Here are some helpful tips on how to support this special generation as they navigate their sudden uncoolness.

Your geriatric millennial may no longer be able to care for themselves independently. When discussing a possible move to assisted living, be sure to include their roommate, Amanda.

Older people are often susceptible to financial scams targeting their assets. Fortunately, you don’t have to worry about this with elder millennials, as they have no assets.

When helping your aging millennial dress themselves, you may feel frustration at how hard it is to get them in and out of their skinny jeans. Why do they insist on wearing them? Can’t they just be sensible like you and get some mom jeans?? Take a deep breath. Remember that aging happens to all of us and that you, too, will someday have a ridiculous attachment to outdated denim trends.

At times, your geriatric millennial may erupt into nonsensical babble, like “doggo,” “smol,” or “Hootie and the Blowfish.” Redirect the conversation by asking them where they were on 9/11.

It’s okay if you can’t remember the names of all your millennial’s plants. Is Evelyn the fern or the cactus? You’d better just ask Amanda.

Geriatric millennials often enjoy having their hair brushed and styled. However — this cannot be said enough — be sure not to part the millennial’s hair down the middle. Just trust us. It’s a whole thing.

You may need to have hard conversations with your millennial about when to give up their healing crystals. Yes, they want their independence, but crystals have many sharp edges which could injure your millennial.

Elder millennials may sometimes have difficulty expressing their feelings. Make sure they have a full range of reaction gifs available at all times.

Now might be a good time to peek at their will. After all, you’ve put in a lot of time taking care of them and — what, they’ve left everything to AMANDA??!

Talk to your millennial about their will when they are calm. This is a delicate matter. Explain in a non-confrontational way that you’ve always hoped to inherit their antique iPods and their vintage illustrated Harry Potter collection.

“It’s just that Amanda has always been there for me,” your millennial answers. You acknowledge this, and your millennial continues: “It’s hard to find a roommate who pays rent on time and does the dishes. I’m never going to give her up.”

Wait a minute. Are you being—

“I’m never going to let her down. I’m never going to run around and desert her.”

Rickrolled! That hasn’t even been funny since 2008. No wonder millennials only ever get participation trophies.

Offer to meet Amanda at that Paint ‘n Sip place on Delancey. Maybe she can be reasoned with. But after a few glasses of rosé and two acrylic portraits of Jonathan Taylor Thomas later, you can see Amanda has no intention of relinquishing her claims to the iPods.

You didn’t want it to come to this, but Amanda leaves you no choice. Lure her to the alley behind the Paint ’n Sip with the promise of sharing your skincare routine.

After you bludgeon Amanda with the healing crystals, you confiscated from your millennial, wrap the body in your mom jeans. This denim style can fit anything in its spacious legs! You feel smug about your superior fashion choices as you drag Amanda’s corpse to the dumpster.

Clean yourself up and return to your millennial’s apartment. When they mention that Amanda is late getting home, distract them with the skincare stuff. You’ve never noticed what a nice sunset view this apartment has. And isn’t this unit rent-stabilized? If you take over the lease, you could get it for a steal, only $3100 a month.

“Listen,” you say, taking your geriatric millennial’s wrinkled hand. “I think it’s time to talk about your living situation again.”

Microwave Cooking from Sears
Sears, Roebuck and Company
1971

Submitter: Come see the scary side of Sears… Not sure if that’s regular wear and tear on the cover, or food stains. Either Way – this one has now been liquidated from our collection.

Holly: I can tell you what I’m NOT having for dinner tonight: “Saucy Wieners.” Recipe is below if you’re into that sort of thing.

The post Saucy Wieners appeared first on Awful Library Books.

I have to admit, I enjoyed Eric’s somewhat euphoric post at midnight. Though as the parent of a toddler and infant that slept — how can I say this? — poorly, for lack of a better word, it was a long night. I’m sure many of you with kids and pets can relate!

But seriously, although it was a wild evening, the city of Houston and most of the metro area are doing fine this morning.

Flood Scale remains Stage 2

That said, I am going to hold our flood alert at Stage 2 out of an abundance of caution. Based on model data, I think most areas north of I-10 are realistically down to Stage 1 concerns going forward, as most rain is projected to fall south of I-10 today. Given some heavier rains already this week south of Houston (and east of Houston), I just think we should hold at Stage 2 and watch the next cluster of storms later this morning and afternoon that may graze those areas, and just make sure tonight looks to avoid anything serious in Houston. Forecasting this has been and remains tricky, and as expected, the evolution of the storms has not gone quite as modeling suggested even 1 to 2 days ago.

The NWS intends to keep Flash Flood Watches going through midday Thursday for the entire area.

Water levels

A look at the Harris County Flood Control map of water levels as of 6 A.M. shows only a handful nearing bankfull or out of their banks.

Expect just some minor lowland flooding in spots.

We will need to watch some primary river levels in the coming days, particularly southwest of Houston (though the Brazos looks to remain below flood stage in our area for now), as well as the Trinity River east of the city, which is currently forecast to approach major flood stage at Liberty by the weekend.

This would yield significant lowland flooding and some house flooding potentially as well. We’ll keep you posted on this, as there could still be some changes to river forecasts as the future rainfall forecasts are revised.

Today

Rain continues in the Houston area this morning, but it’s falling at the rate of about a quarter-inch or less an hour. That is manageable and should not cause any additional serious trouble.

Our attention will focus to another cluster of storms developing over Mexico this morning. The good news is that this seems to be lined up to stay well south of virtually the entire Houston area. We’ll probably see rain or showers continue through mid-morning, and there will continue to be a chance of showers through the afternoon. But any organized, heavy rainfall likely stays well south of Houston.

The Weather Prediction Center arm of NOAA continues a moderate risk of excessive rainfall, essentially from I-10 south to the coast. And this may even be skewed a bit far north given trends on models this morning. The biggest problems will most likely be from Matagorda County south past Corpus Christi. But if current trends hold, even Matagorda County may not be too bad. But they have seen 3 to 4 inches of rain since midnight south of Bay City.

Tonight and Thursday

The good news is that it appears that models have tapped the brakes a bit on significant, widespread heavy rainfall in this timeframe. That doesn’t mean it won’t rain. It also doesn’t mean we’re entirely out of the woods with respect to flooding risk. But at this point, there seems to be a lack of model data arguing for serious rainfall tonight or tomorrow.

So, let’s call it a chance of showers and thunderstorms at virtually any time tonight or tomorrow. If a storm does develop it will be capable of producing heavy rainfall. But at this point we don’t expect significant, widespread rainfall. We’ll continue to monitor for any changes.

Friday

There are some indications on models that the atmosphere may recharge a good bit by Friday, with more available atmospheric moisture. This could lead to another round of heavy rain and storms, but details are fuzzy. This might be a period to keep an eye on though. Improving conditions will arrive this weekend.

Eric will have our next update before 2 P.M.

It’s finally here!  Petscii Robots for Apple II is available.  You can find it here:

PETSCII Robots for Apple ][

To answer some of the common questions about it:

• It requires 64K, but has a few extra features with 128K.
• Supports MockingBoard, yes, it has been confirmed to work on several clones and also the new internal version for the Apple IIc.
• Distributed on 5.25″ floppy.  But digital download also includes a 3.5″ image.
• SNES controllers are supported, but requires additional hardware not supplied with the game. Watch here for updates – http://lukazi.blogspot.com/
• The IIgs version isn’t available just yet. However, don’t let that stop you from buying a copy.  The box and manual were designed for both versions.  When the IIgs version is available, you’ll be able to buy just the disk to add to your box.
• Feel free to ask any questions on the Petscii Robots facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/975620876261750

 

The post Petscii Robots for Apple II now available! appeared first on The 8-Bit Guy.

A ferocious line of storms roared through Houston on Tuesday night, producing a biblical amount of lightning, threatening with tornadoes, throwing down some hail, and dropping buckets of rain. But there was a silver lining—a silver lining that if I’m being honest I did not fully anticipate—with these storms. Rather than slowing to a crawl as they moved into Houston, these storms kept right on trucking. Yes, the storms produced intense rainfall rates as high as 4 inches per hour, but as the heaviest bands of rainfall kept moving on there simply was not enough time for serious flooding.

Can I get an amen?

Seriously, I’m not sure I’ve ever been so happy to observe a radar absolutely lit up by bright red hues, indicating intense rainfall rates, as I was tonight. Because those storms kept on moving through. Instead of slow-moving storms that trained over our areas, we got a freight train. Choo-choo!

If I sound a bit loopy tonight it’s because I’m just so tired of writing about horrendous floods in Houston. Tax Day floods. Memorial Day floods. Halloween floods. Hurricane Harvey. Tropical Storm Imelda. Beta. It goes on, and on, and on. So tonight it feels amazing to write that Houston did not flood. I can write that this line of storms, which could have been very, very bad for the region, was by-and-large not bad. We had an hour of fire and brimstone, most everyone got 1 to 3 inches of rain, and then this system moved along.

So what comes next? The rainfall and threat of severe storms is moving to the east, and offshore, for the night. Some light to moderate rainfall may persist across Houston during the overnight hours, but this will not pose a significant flooding threat. Going to work, school, or other activities on Wednesday morning should be fine.

It looks as though we may see some additional rounds of showers and thunderstorms coming through later on Wednesday, after the atmosphere has a chance to recharge, and then again on Thursday. Given that I still have some slight concerns about areas just east of Houston on Thursday, I’m going to leave our flood scale alert at Stage 2 for now. But given more data by the morning we may be able to ratchet that back a bit. Matt will have an update by around 7 am or before on Wednesday.

Storms are absolutely hauling their way into the Houston area tonight, faster than most of us expected earlier today. Good news, as you’ll see below. But they are intense. Rain is falling at a rate of 3 to 4 inches per hour on average in that intense red portion of the line bowing across Rosenberg, Cinco Ranch, and Cypress at 9:45 P.M.

These types of rain rates will almost certainly produce street flooding across many parts of the region through Midnight, spreading east and south.

In addition, there have been multiple tornado warnings issued with these storms, including one storm that may have well produced a tornado just north of Brookshire earlier. Stay alert and aware, and seek shelter if a tornado warning is issued in your area. As of this writing, there is a tornado warning for the northwest side of the city through 10:15 P.M. Even with no tornado, strong, damaging winds are possible.

Strong winds of 55-66mph along this entire line. Seek shelter in an interior room #houwx #txwx pic.twitter.com/sVrvNO6PGL

— Jeff Lindner (@JeffLindner1) May 19, 2021

So, some good news about all this at least: That the storms are moving quickly is positive because, while it’s going to rain much of tonight, the super-intense, “floody” 2 to 4+ inch per hour rates will be short-lived over a given area. We can manage a steady rain. It’s when you get that overly intense stuff for more than an hour or two that things get out of hand.

Beyond tonight? Truthfully, I don’t have a great feel on what to expect tomorrow at this point. I think some of that will depend on how these storms evolve over the next several hours, and what happens back to our west overnight. Some models redevelop storms in parts of the area. Others give us a nice break between storm chances. It’s a tough call right now, so you’ll need to be fairly flexible and adjust with the forecast tomorrow. We do know that there will be more storms, but how intense and exactly where they hit matters a lot, and we just aren’t sure yet.

Eric will have an update on what’s happening here after midnight tonight.

Ok everyone, take a deep breath. The greater Houston region has experienced a nice reprieve from heavy rainfall today. That’s the good news. The bad news is that our atmosphere has recharged, and we are about to experience the worst of this potential flooding evening tonight and on Wednesday. The timing of all this remains in flux, but what follows is our best assessment for now.

Tuesday night

A pretty serious block of showers and thunderstorms are massing just to the west of Houston this afternoon, and we expect them to move toward our region this evening and during the overnight hours. These storms are being juiced by a slow-moving upper-level low pressure system, and they will have plenty of moisture to work with tonight.

We think most of Houston and the surrounding counties will see 2 to 5 inches of rainfall between now and sunrise on Wednesday, with higher isolated totals. These storms will be capable of producing intense rainfall rates above 2 inches per hour, which will quickly back up streets. Almost certainly some part of our region will see 10 inches of rainfall, or more, during the overnight hours. For now we are maintaining a Stage 2 flood alert, but this threat may need to be adjusted upward later this evening.

Although rainfall is the primary threat, some of these thunderstorms may bring severe weather as well. The National Weather Service has published a tornado warning that will remain in effect for the western half of our region until at least 9 pm CT tonight.

Wednesday

It looks like tonight’s storms may work over the atmosphere, and if this happens we would expect to see a break in storms on Wednesday morning, possibly lasting into the afternoon hours. After this point it’s really difficult to say what will happen with confidence, but I think it’s reasonable to expect another round of storms Wednesday evening or during the overnight hours. Where this sets up, and whether it’s as intense as Tuesday night, is something I just don’t really feel comfortable predicting.

Thursday and beyond

We think the focus of these storms will begin to swing eastward on Thursday. For the overall event, most areas will probably see an additional 4 to 8 inches of rainfall, on average, from now through Thursday. This means some areas will see more, and it is in those locations we are most concerned about flooding.

The map below shows NOAA’s best guess for rain accumulation totals from now through Thursday night, but this should not be taken as gospel.

Matt and I will be continuing to work this event, and will update again by around 10pm CT Tuesday night.

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic

For the past decade and some change, Alicia Eggert has placed language at the center of her sculpture practice, usually taking the form of signage, which tries to account for the materiality of its content. She has a Derridean streak of thinking, hinging on the ways presence and absence of signifier and signified make meanings visible or felt by a body in space/time. But Eggert’s pieces are much more fun than Derrida, their puns less tedious. Her current show’s title, Conditions of Possibility, is vague and jargony compared to the work on view, which is at times funny, poetic, direct, and conceptually elegant. This is the Liliana Bloch Gallery’s first solo showing of the Denton-based artist, though her neon and kinetic installations have been widely exhibited in the region and beyond. 

The draw here is some new in-the-flesh work, as well as novel documentation and miniature mockups of previous and future projects. One large piece looms in the open space while others hang from the large white walls, half-pretending to be functional elements of the building itself. For instance, an early work, Between now and then (2008), greets us from overhead as we enter the unmarked gallery, like a small, lone hallway sign from a hospital wing or government building. Rather than telling us where we are, it tries to point us to when we are. The words “NOW” and “THEN” are engraved on either side of a faux-woodgrain placard, with official brass hardware fixing it above our heads. It’s a simple toggle trick — the two signs fused back-to-back leverage the physical impossibility of our viewing both at once, with our inability to simultaneously conceive of both referents. 

Temporal conundrums aplenty here: the piece Small Nows is a trio of identical kinetic sculptures that pack the guts and extra red hands of clocks into shoebox-sized housings, with matching white electrical cords leading down the wall to daisy-chained power strips. There is a considered aesthetic that refuses to conceal those details, which I appreciate. Spinning vectors chug around like Wonka-meters, coming together every so often to form the word NOW — a flash of recognition that quickly returns to its mechanical ballet. It’s another great trick, making the text feel perishable, visually analogous to speech. Meanwhile, the vectors move on to accidentally form crooked Ts, Ks, maybe an N, but mostly grinding away to the motor-noises that aurally structure the even, mechanical time between “NOWs”. 

The two largest works in the room face off aesthetically and point in opposing directions, out from the present moment we’ve been trying to locate. One to the unbuilt future, the other to the nostalgic past. 

The Unimaginable Future is a freestanding, billboard-sized construction built of six layers of rebar panel wired together in a rectangular grid, with blocky segments hacked out to create letters from negative spaces. The piece is so large you would need to back up into the parking lot to clearly read the word “FUTURE” gaping within it. Instead, parts of the word trip into view as you move past, fractured like a repeating mirror reflection. Your eye gets to climb through the scaffolding and enter the porous object, an unfinished stretch of highway maybe, some unbuilt infrastructure, who knows? The piece has a beautiful economy of material — like a spoken word, it’s mostly air.

Alas retorts from a nearby wall, offering a near total contrast. Lush arrangements of cut flowers are zip-tied onto a painted-white MDF template of lowercase cursive script. The baroque exclamation references the past, regret, the inability to change something. On the day I visited, the bundles of flora were crinkling, drooping, petals falling to the floor: daisies, roses, chrysanthemums, in pinks, maroons, yellows and dirty whites. The object itself seemed to sigh in a slow-motion wilt, its meaning enacted over days and weeks. 

Like artist Jenny Holzer, Eggert’s works seems to start with a rumination on the content of language and collaborates with other artisans’ hands to help build the texts into different scales and materialities, uttering their mantras at varying speeds, volumes, inflections, and through different avenues of the body. Unlike Holzer though, whose phrases often hurl past us, Eggert circles around and around, with an interest in getting behind the signifier. Where Holzer’s texts hide incompatible logics made superficially compatible by their uniform quality as text, Eggert’s phrases come off as earnest and circular, trying to pry open their referent. 

Sprinkled around the reception area and stashed in the backroom are some delicious drawings and small-scale models, as well as a few holographic photographs that cleverly document flashing neon installations from Eggert’s previous projects. They further complicate their own relationship with time, though something about their adjacence to the work they document gives them clarity. Fittingly, these before and after the (arti)fact objects position us viewers between a recorded past and an imagined future. 

We all think so uncritically these days about how “the word” (logos) manipulates us, shapes our ideas of where, when, and who we are. The ways communication is forged into objects and transacted; written, spoken, recorded, played back, transcribed, live, synchronous, etc., has never been more convoluted or rich, depending on how you look at it. Eggert’s work doesn’t quite clear things up for us, but it does give us space and a script to begin asking our own questions.

Through May 22 at Liliana Bloch Gallary, Dallas. 

The post Logocentric: Alicia Eggert at Liliana Bloch Gallery, Dallas appeared first on Glasstire.

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic

This post, some findings from 24,000 people’s salaries , was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

The salary survey a few weeks ago got a huge response — 24,000+ people shared their salaries and other info, which is a lot of raw data to sift through. Reader Elisabeth Engl kindly took the raw data and analyzed some of the trends in it and here’s what she found. (She asked me to note that she did this as a fun project to share some insights from the survey, rather than as a paid engagement.)

This data does not reflect the general population; it reflects Ask a Manager readers who self-selected to respond, which is a very different group (as you can see just from the demographic breakdown below, which is very white and very female).

Supermarket
Baugh
1965/1970

Submitter: While I give this cute book props for having a diverse cast of kids, the book is rather old, and the spine is gone. Time to find something new.

Holly: It’s definitely old! 19 cents a pound for whatever it is those kids are looking at (3rd picture below)? Are those coconuts??

The post Supermarket Sweep appeared first on Awful Library Books.

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I think Stoic philosophy would be more popular if it all came out of the mouth of a happy pixie.

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