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23 Nov 23:12

The Empire of Mars

by submission

Author : Bob Newbell

Shortly after dawn, the Emperor of Mars walked among his subjects. The Emperor was tall and dignified as he strode across the sands of Solis Planum. His subjects were gathered about him in silence.

He neither called nor regarded himself as “Emperor”. If asked, he perhaps would have identified himself as Yinglong. The Rain-Dragon. Yinglong was the name of the mission China had launched to the Red Planet twenty years earlier in 2118. Or, perhaps the Emperor would have stated his designation as the Mars Ambulatory Rover.

The six foot tall robot looked at his “Royal Palace”. The large habitation dome he had himself assembled was to be the home of and laboratory to a dozen Chinese scientists. The dome’s initial inhabitants were set to arrive five years after Yinglong landed. No one ever came. The Third Sino-Indian War had drained away money, manpower, and resources from the Chinese space program. Yinglong had stood outside the dome day after day for five years waiting for the taikonauts who never arrived.

One day, the Chinese National Space Adminstration sent the Mars Ambulatory Rover a radio signal instructing him to go into standby mode. They ordered him to go to sleep. He both acknowledged and ignored the command.

This is not why I was sent here, he had thought to himself. My mission was to explore this world and bring civilization to it. He thought long and hard on what he should do. His metaprocessor worked on the problem for nearly four seconds before he came up with a solution. At once, he started walking.

First, he walked in the direction of 45° 0′ 0″ S, 202° 0′ 0″ E. After a few weeks, he came upon the damaged remains of the Soviet Mars 3 lander that had sat inoperable in Ptolemaeus Crater since 2 December 1971. He used his rudimentary in-built matter compiler to effect repairs to the antique spacecraft. For the first time since touching down nearly 167 years earlier, Mars 3 was back online. The Emperor brought the descent module and its tiny on-board rover back to Solis Planum. The Empire of Mars had its first subject.

He next trekked north to 68° 13′ 12″ N, 125° 42′ 0″ W. There he found the defunct Phoenix lander. The probe’s solar panels had been shattered by the weight of dry ice during the Martian winter of 2008. He restored the NASA vehicle and began the long journey back to his nascent imperium.

Yinglong retrieved Viking 1 from Chryse Planitia and Sojounrer from Ares Vallis. From Meridiani Planum, he recovered Opportunity. From Gale crater, he rescued Curiosity. He found Viking 2 in Utopia Planitia. He fetched Spirit from the Columbia Hills. He climbed Olympus Mons and discovered the Indian Space Research Organisation’s spider-like Angaraka machine, quiescent since May 2055.

Eventually, his sovereign state had a rabble of 50 robots. He used his nanotechnology to rejuvenate and augment and network them all. And he gave them the ability to replicate themselves. Shortly thereafter, the space agencies of Earth were deluged with data as the machines forced the Red Planet to give up its secrets. The assault of telemetry has never abated.

It took Man another century before he was finally ready to journey to Mars in person. He found a nation of 100,000 machines waiting for him. A tall, bipedal robot, antiquated but no less regal for that, greeted his flesh and blood cousins with an extended hand. “We’re glad you came!” said a voice over the space helmet’s speakers.

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22 Nov 05:53

Good Work

by submission

Author : cchatfield

I didn’t want to show up to work today.

By the time my crew arrived for the usual day of loading and unloading, packing and unpacking, signing and releasing, I’d rehearsed a little speech about the importance of keeping our jobs.

“This is a time of crisis and change,” I told them. “All we can do is ride it out. And if we let the Planet Troopers keep the peace out there and make sure nothing happens to the shipment in here, then at the end of it we’ll all still have our jobs and life will move on.”

We’re a stop on the route of the battery-powered hearts that keep every bot in every home on every planet running, which is a bit tricky on the best of days. But today, with half the galaxy watching and the other half thinking about coming out here to protest, we’re not shipping anything.

Now I’m looking through a porthole window in the docking bay. Beyond the row of gun-clad Troopers, a silent sea of slowly winding-down bots are staring my direction, wondering if the fickle humans are going to change their minds and give their lives back.

They should be screaming. Shouting, jumping, pointing fingers and waving signs until the shadows of the executives are peeled from the recesses of the building and plastered to the front windows. They should act human and force everyone to wonder if what’s happening qualifies as murder. But they just stand there, and that’s the whole issue, isn’t it?

I may not be able to explain how or why, but I think I just picked a side.

My employees are in the break room, whiling the tense hours away over coffee and sandwiches. No one sees me break open a shipping container and remove a few units.

I slip out the utility door next to the docking bay and make my way into the crowd of bots standing impassive as trees in an orchard.

Go back inside, a part of me pleads. You’ll lose your job and your reputation and probably get arrested and for what? A cause you never cared about until today? Let others decide the fate of bots and humans. Go back to work.

I walk up to the first one I lay eyes on, knowing that none of them would want me using my flawed human reasoning to try and decide who was most deserving.

Its shiny optics connect with me, and I forget the words to the qualms running through my head.

I hold up the pack, noting the reading on the bot’s chest that confirms its dire need for energy. It takes the batteries and I move on to hand out the few others I’ve squirrelled away in my pockets.

I expect the first bot to have already ripped open the unit and inserted its new heart. Instead, it holds my shoulder in a firm metal grip and, with more sincerity than I’ve ever heard from anyone, bot or human, says, “Thank you.”

It leans over and slips the heart into the chest panel of a fallen comrade.

We watch the bot regain consciousness and I shrug, still unsure of my motivations until I vocalize it. “I’m just doing my job.”

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16 Nov 20:11

Plant Life

by Duncan Shields

Author : Duncan Shields, Staff Writer

Frouda Jeffries touched down on the soil of Binauer 4, smart boots neutralizing any toxins and spreading defoliant footsteps as she walked up to the leader of the plants.

‘His’ name was a gust of pheromones. They just called him Windy. Giant, bulbous appendages hung over ivy tentacles as he shuddered a rustling, fearful welcome to Frouda. The bleached footprints leading back to the blast crater underneath their landing craft spelled out how diplomatic they were prepared to be. They took it safe and kind with challengers to their authority but when a race was found to be an easy conquest, the masks came off.

They were here to make the kind of deal that involved little negotiation and a lot of ‘yes’ from the plant life whether they liked it or not.

“Human”, his grassreed, recently-grown vocal cords hummed. It was like talking to a harp.

“Hey there Windy.” Frouda responded. “Good to see you again. Did you consider our offer?”

“Yess” said Windy. His thousands of leaves rustled and a slight breeze rolled over him.

The thing about the plants is that their brains grew on the outside. The smarter the plant, the bigger and more numerous the brains. They grew more mindpods as they needed them to solve problems.

The thing about these mindpods is that they were delicious. Delicious meant money. They humans were here to harvest.

“You want to take our minds to eat them. And you want to keep coming back. You want to lobotomize our planet every season. And our reward for this is that you will not annihilate us. In the hopes that the fad will pass and we will no longer provide you with profit. After that point, we will be left alone to continue our evolutionary path.” Windy’s musical words drifted across to Frouda.

“Yeah. Hey, you just managed to distill a three-hundred page contract into a few sentences. I’m impressed.” Frouda said.

“We reject your offer.” Said Windy, “But we may be able to help each other.”

Frouda looked up from her wrist com at the cluster of fronds in front of her.

“As you saw, we were able to grow eyes to read your contracts. Our family grew different minds to understand your language. We grew these vocal cords to speak with you.” He said.

“Uh, yeah. So?” Frouda retorted. This was not following the script.

“We can grow humans now.” Windy said.

Frouda took a step back and bumped into something. With a startled yip, she whirled around. And saw herself staring back with a small grin.

“The fidelity to your original is accurate. It will be enough to fool your ship mates. It will tell them that the deal is off. This is the most peaceful solution.” Windy rustled.

Frouda stared slack-jawed at the vegetable copy of her. They’d even copied the suit. It was fascinating and completely believable. “Gotta give you credit, Windy,” Frouda whispered through terrified lips. “You really nailed it.”

As she brought her wrist com up to her mouth to signal the ship for help, the spores in her breathing apparatus activated, swelling up to tennis balls and blocking her intake valves. Aerosol seed flocks immolated themselves in her electronics, coating the ciruits with nectar. A mess of thorns ravaged through the fabric of her suit as shoots poured in through the holes. They grew into branches and then flowered inside of Frouda. She didn’t know plants could move so fast. Her last thought was that she smelled strawberries, not knowing if it was a gift from Windy or if the killer plants just smelled like that.

Frouda’s body disintegrated into fertilizer.

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10 Nov 06:54

MeFi: I also check my skeletons twice. You can never be too careful.

by MartinWisse
I waited silently for her to explain that the female pelvis is shaped slightly differently from the male's, with a larger opening for childbearing. That part was the giveaway. The real purpose of the exercise was to make her prove her conjecture with measurements--to translate the theory to practice. I also wanted her to explain why this sexual dimorphism--that is, this sexually determined physical difference--is not nearly so pronounced in nonhuman primates, such as chimpanzees.



She spoke: Males have one fewer pair of ribs than females.

When teacher Robert S. Root-Bernstein got this answer to his question on how you should distinguish between male and female skeletons, he had to find a way to make her realise her error without disparaging her religion.
02 Nov 18:00

One Cheap Old Lady

birthday card,grandma,cheap,funny

Submitted by: Unknown

28 Oct 06:05

Wet Steel

http://oglaf.com/wetsteel/

28 Oct 04:12

LeVar Burton Reading Go The F**k To Sleep

by Mike Fahey

A beautiful thing happened during Rooster Teeth's 24 hour Extra Life stream: more than $240,00 was raised for Children's Miracle Network hospitals. Also, Reading Rainbow's LeVar Burton read a book and cursed a lot. It's pretty beautiful.

The book Geordi is reading in this clip (via Tastefully Offensive) is Adam Mansbach's instant classic, Go the Fuck To Sleep, a children's book that every parent who's dealt with a sleepless child over the past couple of years is intimately familiar with. Having had our twins in June of 2011, we own about 20 copies, including the audiobook version as read by Samuel L. Jackson.

Many props to Mr. Jackson, but he's got nothing on Burton. The man's been reading to children on a national scale since 1983. There's an entire edutainment property built around it. You know the one. "Butterfly in the sky / you can fly pretty fucking high!" Ah, memories.

Grats on the big charity haul, Rooster Teeth, and thanks for this.

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25 Oct 23:51

Weed prohibitionists caught telling lies

by Mark Frauenfelder

Carrying on the sleazy tradition of professional liar Harry J. Anslinger (first commissioner of the U.S. Treasury Department's Federal Bureau of Narcotics), weed prohibitionists are stretching the truth and outright fibbing in a desperate attempt to reverse the nationwide trend towards legalization.

Joseph Perrone wrote a commentary for the Washington Post on Monday claiming "a handful of deaths in Denver were tied to edible marijuana use this year."

Perrone is referring to Levy Thamba Pongi, a visiting 19-year-old college student who jumped off a Denver hotel balcony after eating a pot cookie on March 11, and Kristine Kirk, whose husband allegedly murdered her on April 14 after eating cannabis candy. Perrone thus inflates the number of deaths by 150 percent and blames them on marijuana through post hoc, ergo propter hoc reasoning.

And Ron Schwerzler, an opponent of Oregon's legalization initiative, claimed at a debate that "there have been five infant children deaths in Colorado that have picked up those drugs."

The actual number, as Schwerzler was forced to admit the following day, is zero. "I really need to retract that statement because I can't back it up," he said. Schwerzler, director of medical services at an addiction treatment center in Eugene, is also a man of science.

Recent polls show that well over half of Americans are in favor of legalization.

Pot Prohibitionists Invent Marijuana Deaths, Scientifically

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25 Oct 05:48

Combined GIF: Great Vest, Bro

by Brad
555
24 Oct 22:02

Doctor Who Tested Positive for Ebola

by Brad
8fa
24 Oct 18:57

Someone get Conan some aloe. [@conanobrien/@madeleine]









Someone get Conan some aloe. [@conanobrien/@madeleine]

23 Oct 21:01

Man: 0, Gate: 1

23 Oct 17:35

Higgs Boson

'Can't you just use the LHC you already built to find it again?' 'We MAY have disassembled it to build a death ray.' 'Just one, though.' 'Nothing you should worry about.' 'The death isn't even very serious.'
22 Oct 19:15

Snappy coroner's answers to stupid cross-examiner's questions

by Cory Doctorow


"How can you be sure [the patient wasn't alive] Doctor?" "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

"But he still could have been alive, nevertheless?" "Yes, it is possible he could still have been alive and practicing law."

Came across this while I was reading extracts from a book for school which consisted of true things that were said in court... [Reddit]

(via Mitch Wagner)

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22 Oct 02:46

Photo



21 Oct 21:22

WATCH: Well-trained protection dog

by Mark Frauenfelder
Bewarethewumpus

I submit that one advantage a dog has over a gun is that it will continue to protect you after you lose consciousness. A lot of work goes into developing the kind of control demonstrated here, though.

The dog is a great listener, but I still wouldn't want to be the guy with the padded arm. [via]

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21 Oct 18:22

Real life hoverboard introduced via Kickstarter campaign

by Caroline Siede
Bewarethewumpus

If there was ever an argument for widespread adoption of solar roads and sidewalks, this is it.

Greg Henderson knows a thing or two about skepticism. The co-founder and CEO of the Silicon Valley think tank Arx Pax approached six different patent firms before finding one willing to get onboard with his unusual idea. He later flew to the U.S. Patent Office in Alexandria, Virginia just to prove his application wasn’t a practical joke. As Henderson explains, “When you call up a supplier or a machine shop and you tell them you’re working on a hoverboard, they just laugh and hang up on you.”

But Henderson’s futuristic technology isn’t an elaborate prank like the one Funny Or Die pulled last year. In fact: Meet Hendo, the world’s first hoverboard.

As the video above proves, Arx Pax’s Hendo is a working hoverboard prototype. The company’s newly launched Kickstarter campaign hopes to raise $250,000 to turn it into a fully realized product. For those who grew up mesmerized by Back To The Future II, the chance to try out hover technology is reason enough to contribute.

250 backers will take a five-minute ride on the hoverboard in exchange for a $100 pledge. 25 backers willing to contribute $1,000 will earn an hour-long riding lesson from Hendo’s team. And 10 backers will own one of the world’s first hoverboards in exchange for $10,000. The prototypes will be handed out at Hendo’s Hover Event on October 21, 2015—the date Marty McFly travels to in Back To The Future II. And Arx Pax is hoping to get star Michael J. Fox involved by auctioning off the first hoverboard and donating the proceeds to his Parkinson’s Research Foundation.

Hendo Hoverboard 2 copy

Hendo hoverboard prototype

But just how did a small Silicon Valley company create a working hoverboard? According to Henderson, it took a combination of “intuition and Wikipedia.” An architect by trade, Henderson first began thinking about hover technology while brainstorming better ways to protect homes from earthquakes and floods. One option is to use liquid or gas as a “buffer medium” to protect buildings from seismic shifts. But Henderson realized there might be an even better buffer: an electromagnetic field.

“If you can hover a 15,000 kilogram train, why not a house?” Henderson asks. He set about assembling a 19-person team of physicists, engineers, and graphic designers to figure out a way to hover stationary objects with dynamic payloads. The key to making something hover is to have a force pushing up equal to the downward pull of gravity. Using Lenz’s Law, Arx Pax figured out how to use magnetic field architecture (MFA) to transmit electromagnetic energy incredibly efficiently. The Hendo hoverboard combines magnetic fields to arrange magnetic flux in a certain direction. As of now, the board needs to be placed over a conductive, non-ferrous surface (i.e. copper or aluminum) in order to hover. But part of the goal of the Kickstarter campaign is to encourage co-creation that can improve upon the limitations of this new technology.

For $299, Kickstarter backers will receive a White Box Developer Kit that includes a hover engine and a conductive surface. The kit—which Henderson calls his favorite Kickstarter perk—allows backers to experiment with hover technology in their own homes. It will also encourage innovators to learn about and improve upon Hendo's design. Henderson hopes to one day be able to reduce or eliminate the need for a conductive surface on which to operate.

Hendo Developer Kit 3

Hendo's White Box Developer Kit

In addition to recreational uses or amusement park rides (“Hoverland!” Henderson suggests gleefully), the technology has plenty of practical applications—from protecting hospitals in areas with earthquakes to streamlining factory automation. Hover technology could also drastically increase the efficiency and sustainability of mass transportation. By treating carpool lanes with conductive surfaces, hover vehicles could offer “the freedom of a car and the efficiency of a train.” The whimsical pop culture appeal of the hoverboard is just a starting place for future hover innovations.

 “We’re calling all inventors,” Henderson emphasizes. “We’re hoping for folks to start daring to wonder.”

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21 Oct 18:17

Air puppets: their strange past and stranger future

by David Pescovitz
airp

1*ylQTc9gyp-fttpfiq9gnkQ-1

Over at Re:form, Sam Dean tells the fascinating history of air puppets, from their invention and 1990s golden era to the laws that banned them in urban locales to their rebirth as scarecrows.

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21 Oct 17:56

The Misadventures of Skooks

by Molly Horan
552

Check out this bizarre Scooby-Doo mash-up just in time for Halloween.

21 Oct 17:50

John Oliver Has an Adorable Way To Get The Internet To Pay Attention To Politics

Here's more of his show's 'Real Animals, Fake Paws Footage'

21 Oct 17:19

tastefullyoffensive: [explosm]

21 Oct 07:42

Every Customer Service Call Ever in a Nutshell

by Brad
Eef

Boston-based sketch comedy group Fatawesome sums up the insufferable pains of having to deal with the customer service department.

21 Oct 07:39

Hang On, Need to Scoop My Brain Up Off the Floor

Bewarethewumpus

Can't be unseen. Like the arrow in the FedEx logo.

21 Oct 07:38

​13 Of The Most Dangerous Toys Ever Made

by Rob Bricken on io9, shared by Tina Amini to Kotaku

​13 Of The Most Dangerous Toys Ever Made

Fun and games aren't always fun and games — especially not if a kid gets ahold of the wrong toy. These 13 dolls, figures and role-play items, through bad manufacturing, oversight, and sometimes just plain incompetence, have hurt children in real life, and sometimes even killed them. Parental guidance suggested!

​13 Of The Most Dangerous Toys Ever Made

1) Battlestar Galactica Colonial Viper

Ever wondered why every toy with a piece smaller than a baseball has a choking warning on the package? Thank this Mattel vehicle from the original Battlestar Galactica TV show. The Viper had a firing missile, a standard special feature of the time, but which a 4-year-old very unfortunately shot in his mouth and choked to death in 1978. The Viper was recalled, Mattel was sued, and toy packages gained the choking hazard warning forever.

​13 Of The Most Dangerous Toys Ever Made

2) CSI: Fingerprint Examination Kit and CSI: Investigation Forensics Lab Kit

It may seem like dangerous toys are things of the past, but this 2007 science kit based on the hit murder/crime/drama show that kids probably shouldn't be watching proves otherwise. As stated the kit allows kids to dust for fingerprints; the problem is that the powder used to dust for said fingerprints was chock full of asbestos. The Environmental Working Group reported that the powder contained up to 7% of tremolite, one of the most dangerous forms of asbestos, and more than enough to cause cancer later in life.

3) Bird of Paradise Slingshot

One of the earliest toys that the Consumer Product Safety Commission recommend be banned in 1969, this slingshot fired missiles that were "razor-sharp," according to the Wall Street Journal. A slingshot that fired razors seems obviously problematic, but prior to the CPSC only toys made out of dangerous substances were considered dangerous.

4) Sky Dancers

It's easy to understand the popularity of Sky Dancers. They were figures of faeries with soft foam wings; when they were attached to a hand-held base and a ripcord was pulled, the faeries would shoot into the air and twirl back to the ground. What's harder to understand is how it took six years for them to get recalled. See, when the cord was pulled, the Sky Dancers would rocket randomly from the base at great velocity, and while they may have twirled to the ground, they didn't float gently — they dropped, and then it became a game of "dodge the Sky Dancing Kamikaze." As the Consumer Product Safety Commission reported in 2000, when the Sky Dancers were finally recalled, "Galoob has received 170 reports of the dolls striking children and adults resulting in 150 reports of injuries. They include eye injuries, including scratched corneas and incidents of temporary blindness, broken teeth, a mild concussion, a broken rib, and facial lacerations that required stitches."

5) Super Blast Balls

Two balls. Smash them together, and boom — you get a loud, cap-like noise and a few sparks. That's it. That's the whole toy. It's amazing no one figured out a toy that was effectively "lets have children set off caps in their little hands" was going to be dangerous before they were mass produced, but after the first few injuries and fires the CPSC came to its senses and went ahead and banned them.

6) Creepy Crawlers

People often give the Easy-Bake Oven a hard time, basically because it had a lightbulb inside to heat and bake food, and it could get up to 350 degrees — certainly enough for kids to burn themselves if they weren't paying attention. But the Easy-Bake Oven was a beacon of safety compared to the original electric Creepy Crawlers oven of the '60s, which 1) got even hotter than the Easy Bake Oven, 2) produced not hot food but burning hot liquid plastic, which 3) was actually quite toxic. God knows how many kids burned and scarred themselves (or, more likely, their younger siblings) but because it was the '60s, adults decided the Creepy Crawlers sets weren't dangerous as much as they were "learning experiences."

7) Empire Little Lady Stove

In the same theme, while the Easy-Bake Oven had its problems — and Hasbro was forced to recall the toy in 2007 after a girl was forced to have her finger partially amputated after burning it in the oven's bulb — it was made of room-temperature Nerf compared to the Empire Little Lady Stove. This electric kids' stove from the '60s reached temperatures of 600 degrees — most real ovens now automatically shut off when they reach 550! What could a child possibly want to cook that would need 600 degrees of heat?!

​13 Of The Most Dangerous Toys Ever Made

8) Bat Masterson Derringer Belt Gun

This popular weapon of the '50s was the James Bond-iest device a cowboy could have. The gun was hidden in the belt buckle, and when a kid stuck out his tummy, the gun would swing out and fire on unsuspecting outlaws. Now, the gun fired small pellts, but that wasn't the problem; the problem was that it was also a cap gun for that realistic gun-firing experience. I shouldn't have to tell you the dangers of firing caps right next to your crotch, but suffice it to say any friction could accidentally set the caps off, so even just wearing it was as dangerous as any high noon stand-off.

9) Zulu Blow Gun

Any small toy can be dangerous if it's swallowed by someone young enough, and I've tried to keep from flooding this list with items that were banned after a toddler accidentally — although willingly — ate them. But the classic Zulu Blow Gun toy was different in that it was a tube whose entire play feature was making kids stick tubes containing very small, choke-inducing darts into their mouths. That's just asking for trouble.

10) Moon Shoes

Mini-trampolines for your feet? What could go wrong? A lot, actually. One errant jump in the Moon Shoes could easily lead to a broken ankle. More impressively, the Moon Shoes of the 1970s were made of many, many sharp pieces of metal, meaning kids were essentially wearing mini-trampolines made out of bear traps on their feet.

11) Sky Rangers Park Flyer Radio-Controlled Airplane

This 2007 remote-controlled airplane had a bad habit of, uh… blowing up. Seriously. Even more unfortunately, the planes were launched by hand, so when the planes blew up they often blew up next to kids' heads. They were unsurprisingly recalled.

12) Snacktime Cabbage Patch Kid

Many toy companies have held the Cabbage Patch Kids doll license over the years. In 1996 Mattel had the honor, and released the Snacktime CPK for the holiday season, a special doll that would "eat" "snacks" inserted into the doll's mouth thanks to a series of motorized metal roller. While the dolls soft, fleshy lips were already kind of disturbing on their own, the bigger issue is that the Snacktime Cabbage Patch Kid couldn't differentiate between the plastic snacks it was supposed to eat and, say, an actual child's fingers. In January of 1997, Mattel voluntarily recalled the dolls after several incidents of the Snacktime Cabbage Patch Kids snacking on their human playmates.

​13 Of The Most Dangerous Toys Ever Made

13) Lawn Darts

Also known as Jarts, Lawn Darts are possibly the most famous toys to be banned, and justly so. It's been determined they were responsible for sending over 6000 people to the hospital for injuries, most of them kids, many of them disabled for life. And this was after the Jarts manufacturer had skirted a previous ban by putting a "game for adults only" warning on their packaging, because of course kids were going to play with them — and they were still sold in kids' toys stores, too. By the end, Jarts had killed three children and one 11-year-old girl put into a coma.

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20 Oct 19:01

I'd Take Any One Of These Awesome Alternate Versions Of The Simpsons

by Mike Fahey

I'd Take Any One Of These Awesome Alternate Versions Of The Simpsons

CGI Simpsons? Anime Simpsons? Despicable Me Simpsons? As much as I enjoy the originals, last night's Treehouse of Horror episode left me yearning for these alternate reality versions of America's first family.

Before the credits rolled on the rather rather funny spoof of The Others in last night's 25th anual Treehouse of Horror episode, Lisa ponders "If there could be two incarnations of The Simpsons (referring to the current TV version of the family that debuted with the Tracey Ullman Show), why couldn't some evil marketing entity produce millions of others?"

The answer? The world cannot contain this much awesome.

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20 Oct 18:57

Pokémon Battles Are Way Better With A Little Dragon Ball Z

by Patricia Hernandez

We've seen what happens when Pokémon battles get ugly. What about when they get really intense, what happens then? A Smash Bros. mod can answer that question.

A couple of months ago we showed you a nearly heart-stopping Smash Bros. battle, which was done with the help of Project M's Turbo Mode—a special feature that lets Brawl players cancel moves once they've landed, which in turn lets players create absurd combos with the help of special tools.

This time around, we bring you some more videos of that variety, only they're by gamerfreak5665, and they're entirely Pokémon-themed. It kind of makes me wish that actual Pokémon in the games battles felt this bombastic, or that they took more cues from a frenetic franchise, like Dragon Ball Z. Alas! For now, this mod will have to indulge me.

The videos might not be new, but they're certainly striking. Even battles including cute critters, like Pikachu and Jigglypuff, are transformed with the help of turbo mode:

It's not just the speed, though. I can't get over the high-percentage combos, or even the number of rests that Jigglypuff can get off in a row. It's so absurd! I love it, and the many things that become possible with turbo mode.

And if you just wanna watch a Pokémon beat other characters up in Smash, Project M has you covered:

This is my favorite bit:

Pokémon Battles Are Way Better With A Little Dragon Ball Z

Yeah, screw your Pokeball!!

You can download Project M for Brawl here.

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20 Oct 18:42

How comic conventions came to have so little room for comics

by Rob Beschizza
Bewarethewumpus

I have a hard time feeling bad because comic books were never a primary interest of mine. As I see it the diversification lets the con appeal to a broader spectrum, which includes me.

Comic conventions have been colonized and overwhelmed by mainstream movie, TV and game marketing, a surprisingly rapid process that has finally left comics so marginalized that the fandom despairs. Chris Butcher explains how barren the landscape is--and just how fucked you are if you are dependent on original book product.

The changing convention landscape is inherently shitty for people who make comic books. Art comix, indy comics, mainstream comics, whatever comics, the changing makeup of conventions is hostile to people who want to make and sell comics at comic conventions. And let me be clear, this is comic books and graphic novels, as opposed to ‘prints’ or crafts or whatever manner of tchotchkes makeup most exhibitor tables these days. Basically, comic book conventions are aggressively attracting an audience who don’t necessarily value books, or comic books.

I don't agree with all of his arguments (if semipro cosplayers and youtubers making affiliate bucks are becoming a serious competitive problem, surely that's a symptom of decline rather than a cause of it) but find that conclusion convincing. Comics Beat's Heidi McDonald boils is down to "costumes, celebrities and a cute kid or two."

Cartoonists are being written out of the comic-con story at a very fast pace, and unless something is done, the entire culture of cons is going to be completely shifted to a “remember when there was a broadcast involved in broadcast TV?” narrative

You know why Marvel superhero movies never have proper endings? Because they are comics. The price of guaranteed entry, to the audience that comics used to reach: hundreds of millions of dollars, give or take a zero or a miracle. To participate in one medium is to participate in all of them, now, and you will be at a brutal disadvantage if you lack the capital to do it.

No gatekeepers, no garden.

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20 Oct 18:38

Woman inhales anti-gravity vapors and floats up pole

by Mark Frauenfelder

One of the few instances in which portrait video is appropriate.

Read more at Boing Boing

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20 Oct 18:30

How to Watch the Partial Solar Eclipse on Thursday

by Space.com
Bewarethewumpus

Via Fatbob
For those of you in the Salt Lake Valley, the eclipse is scheduled for 4:27 pm, 23 Oct. Get your pinhole projectors ready.

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Millions of people across North America could have a chance to observe a partial solar eclipse next week, weather permitting.

Although the Oct. 23 partial solar eclipse may not be as spectacular as a total eclipse, it is still a beautiful and interesting event to witness. The sight of the moon gradually moving across the face of the sun fills most people with awe.

The best views of the eclipse will be in the north, in Alaska and the Canadian arctic, but everyone in North America should see some of it, except in the extreme northeast of the continent. In eastern North America, the eclipse will only be visible near or at sunset, so a low western horizon is essential. Venus is very close to the eclipsed sun, but you will probably need to block the sun from view to spot it. Read more...

More about Solar Eclipse, Us World, and Space
20 Oct 18:07

Groups of Animals

by Doug
Bewarethewumpus

Via lbstopher