Sophianotloren

The recent Maureen Dowd post caused numerous people to mention other salient examples from her immense body of terrible work.  A couple strands are worth particular emphasis.

First Pareene had an excellent roundup of her remarkable history of distorting quotes.  Really, more than one of these should be firable offense, even if the rest of her work actually had merit.  And they’re never innocent mistakes — the dishonesty is always in the direction of the narrative she’s pushing.  “Who among us doesn’t like NASCAR?” is the classic example.  Leaving aside the consistent journalistic malpractice, this should also remind us that the idea that she has some kind of shrewd insight into people’s character is risible.  Her narratives are always the stalest, shallowest spin that’s already been established by flacks of the public official’s opponents.  “Al Gore is a soulless, goody-goody liar.” “George W. Bush is an amiable dunce.”  “John Kerry is an effete snob.”  “John Edwards is a pretty boy with a fancy haircut and a big house.”  “Barack Obama is a cold wimp.”  (In fairness, I’ll grant that “Bill deBlasio’s wife doesn’t know her place” is pretty much her own, although not to her credit.)  There’s nothing in her columns that you wouldn’t “learn”  if you spent a few minutes watching “consultants” yell at each other on bad cable news shows.

We discussed this at the time, but the other classic example was when Sandy Hook showed that there’s a first time for everything: in this case, Maureen Dowd caring about a public policy issue.   The first why she could have proceeded is to do some homework, try to find it if any feasible policy changes could have…hahahaha, OK, let’s be a little more realistic.  The political questions surrounding the issue — why couldn’t even the most popular gun control measure pass? — are still interesting, albeit not terribly complicated for anyone who paid some measure of attention to how Congress operates prior to 2013.  Her response, alas, was to wonder why the political team that got comprehensive health care reform passed where Truman and Clinton failed and LBJ didn’t. even. try. didn’t keep track of which Senate votes were needed.  I swear.  And this “analysis” is not just implicitly based on Aaron Sorkin scripts; it’s openly and explicitly based on Aaron Sorkin scripts, which indeed seem to be Dowd’s sole basis for political “knowledge.”

The fact that Dowd has been given large amounts of money to ostensibly write about politics by the nation’s best newspaper for more than two decades says a lot, and none of it is good.

UPDATE: I forgot to mention that she’s also the Judy Miller of love.  The ultra-ultra hard sell the NYT gave to Are Men Necessary? was sort of their equivalent to Mouthpiece Theater.

Trigger Warning- frank discussion of suicide

When a well-known porn star direct messaged me and tenderly asked if there was anything she could do to help with my struggles, and if it would be ok to signal boost my tilt campaign to help with my no-fault eviction, I was amazed. I didn’t expect someone who had 429,000 Twitter followers to know who I was, much less to reach out to me when I was in pain. Full of gratitude, I thanked her for her compassion, gave her permission, and was temporarily contented that perhaps I was less alone than I thought.

The next day I was at a shoot talking about mutual care when I discovered that an acquaintance had been vaguebooking about how people in the adult industry shouldn’t be asking for handouts, that we should just work harder. Bootstraps, y’all, right? This sort of attitude is one I feel I confront often, and it’s one I have in myself- how dare I ask for help? Who am I to receive assistance? Obviously it would be better for me to self destruct, or to suffer needlessly and silently, rather than asking people who seem to maybe care about me if they could give me a boost.

What a fucked up thing to say.

In my case it is easier for me to let go of the shame associated with asking for help, especially financial help, because I’ve been homeless and no amount of pride will put me back into that situation, ever. I can reflect on the hours of unpaid labour I do through activism, through giving personal guidance and advice, through taking on crowdfunding campaigns for other performers in dire straits, and I can say “sure, I do the work, this is just a way for people to repay me”. I can see it as an exchange- I scratch their backs, and eventually, they scratch mine.

But when I am anxious, or sad, I find it hard to crawl out of the hole I’m in to ask for a hand. I also find it hard to do self care, to eat properly, or to communicate about other things. I have multiple friends of friends who have committed suicide over the last two years, and many many more on the verge at any given moment, because they feel they’re not heard, that no one cares. They’re afraid of that shaming. So I hear you, person who is struggling and who is scared to ask people if they can do things for you. I understand the fear that comes with being vulnerable and saying, “yes, actually, I need you”.

I’m here to say- it is OK to ask people for help. Fuck those people who say otherwise.

Do you hear that? IT’S OK TO ASK PEOPLE FOR HELP.

They may not always be able to provide the help you need, but it’s perfectly fine to ask. I would say it’s especially ok to ask if people ask you for help all the time, with events, with editing, with personal problems. I think as caretakers and givers, we find it harder to get our needs met because we’re afraid the world will fall apart if we take a time out. And I think, for me at least, it’s scary to slam up against the possibility that all the assistance I’ve paid forward were just examples of people taking advantage and using me. That makes me feel like I should have known better, and gives me nihilistic feelings towards humanity. Much better to not ask at all than to be disappointed, right?

Considering a week ago I had a noose around my neck and was heavily considering where to put the knot for the quickest and easiest death, no. It’s not better to keep these things to yourself and suffer in silence. That way lies madness and isolation and the very good likelihood that you will end up martyring yourself when there was some possibility people would have helped you. At least give them the chance by asking.

I am still fighting off suicidal feelings, because receiving help isn’t a cure-all. But I also have some financial aid to cushion the sudden fall that happens with evictions, and I have some pleasurable things to remind me to do self care (flowers, cookies, bath bombs and makeup). I know I have people I can talk to and lean on when I need to. I know I have lovers I can be honest about how bad things are with, who will hold me tighter rather that be scared and run away. And that knowledge is keeping me alive. Communicating about where I’m at is what’s keeping me breathing. Trust that I can be honest without being sent to a hospital or made to feel guilty for making other people upset is helping me be strong. And when someone talks shit about you doing that, consider the source- in this case, realizing the amount of unpaid labour I had provided for this person in the past allowed me the closure to say “well, fuck you too”.

fucked. up.

It is ok to ask for help. There are a lot of systematic oppressions that cause us to not want to ask for help, something missed by “The Art of Asking” by Amanda Palmer, though she touches on the also-important personal barriers that prevent people from coming forward. For example, this campaign in Hull suggested that people begging on the street should not “intimidate or harass people” but “ask for help and support”- help from resources often overflowing, sometimes dangerous, and often not friendly towards minorities. People of colour asking for help, trans people, sex workers are all seen less as “needing a helping hand” and more “demanding a hand out”, or “charity cases”. My question is, when did we get so scared of charity?

We’re taught that it’s a weakness to ask, but it’s a weakness to ignore our limitations. Being able to be vulnerable is strength beyond measure. Crowdfunding, crowdsourcing, Patreon, tip jars, these are all ways we can help each other, encouraging an ecosystem of mutual care rather than individualistic selfishness. And ask for the big things, because you won’t know unless you do- people often surprise us. The highest donating person on my tilt is a guy I knew years and years ago, who I offered a place to sleep when his parents kicked him out of his home.

All this said- asking for help is only as good as the community of people you have around to help you. I’m very lucky to have social media, but its worth noting that while I have about 10,000 followers at least total on my social networks, 47 actually contributed to my tilt. Another 5 paypaled me directly or gave me cash. All that is totally fine, of course- people have their own shit going on, right? But to prevent burnout, remember community is about accountability, shared responsibility, and mutual care. Think long and hard about who you spend time with and make efforts for and if they are, in fact, your community, or when you ask for help you will feel resentful. Its made me really appreciate the people who DO make time, who DO donate a dollar or two, who DO reach out and ask how I’m doing. I have radically redefined my community in a way that feels more sustainable and safe.

I might even make it through this alive, and part of that is because I trusted those around me enough to ask for help.

Here’s my guide on helping suicidal people, and also here’s a bit more about where I’m at at the moment if this seems kind of out of nowhere.

Here’s a great flyer on sustainable self care and activist burn out.

I dislike commercialism and sentimentality quite a bit. I am known to send texts like “You’re so cute, I love you, voms x” because I find it extremely difficult to be earnest in the realm of romance. For Valentine’s Day this year, I’m going to eat soup with my boyfriend while we hack up our lungs as we’re both sick with colds, maybe we’ll shoot some porn, and then I’m going to go see ‘Kingsmen: Secret Service” with my partner later that evening. It’s not terribly exciting or endless flowers and chocolates and I am a reasonably cynical person.

But I have a shameful admission that I am choosing to not be ashamed of anymore.

I love all that shit. I love stuffed animals, and heart shaped boxes of delicious candy, and beautiful big bouquets with lilies in them (my favourite). I love getting cards that say lots of mushy genuine stuff in them. I love receiving little boxes of thoughtfully chosen jewelry I can wear all the time to feel close to a sweetheart. I’m even coming around to public displays of affection like holding hands.

I get it, commercialism of emotions is bullshit. Christmas cashes in on feelings about family, and generosity, and ends up with us all scrambling to make rent the next month in the process. And the Fourth of July, another popular holiday to hate, stimulates feelings about patriotism that has me excited for fireworks even if I have some strong opinions about the United States. And Valentine’s Day is about capitalism and heteronormativity meeting and manipulating love in many, many ways, so yeah I get it. I also want to acknowledge how Valentine’s Day deifies romantic and sexual love/relationships over all other kinds, which is harmful especially when codependency is how we’re programmed to care for each other. Yes yes yes, I’m with you on all that.

But have you noticed it’s also a super femme holiday? Everything is pink and red and purple, bows everywhere, hearts everywhere, a focus on feelings rather than action. Love and romance are often trivialized in our society, sneered at as being feminized. A day to celebrate romance that often focuses on appreciating women in clear, obvious ways sounds pretty fucking good to be honest. We do a lot of unpaid ignored emotional labour and a day where we’re lavished with attention and gifts and appreciation is the absolute LEAST I think women deserve. Not that men don’t deserve to get flowers too- I think there’s a lot to be said for queering Valentine’s Day to celebrate the femme in everyone- but let’s face it, women get this day, and Mother’s Day if they happen to have children, and that’s it for recognition.

So why do we resent that so much?  Is it perchance because we have a general distain for femininity and femmeness? Is this perhaps a reflection of misogyny around “women’s stuff” like self-indulgence and beauty that causes us to reject Valentine’s Day so strongly? Is it about self-worth, and a fear that either by being unpartnered you’re not worthy, or that your partner’s lack of energy/creativity/money spent/whatever matters to you in planning a Valentine’s Day thing is reflective of your desirability as a person? Maybe we push this holiday away because love is vulnerable and vulnerability is fucking terrifying. I mean, that’s legit, to be honest. Love scares me every fucking day.

This year, though, I’m going to cautiously try to accept that yes, I have feelings, I do love people and they love me back, and that’s a good thing. Maybe I don’t have to protect myself with snide remarks again, but instead can just open my heart up to being cared about.

[UPDATE February 12th, 2015] Goal reached! In less than 24 hours, I received a total donation exceeding my goal of $400. I will keep some of the surplus for food and printing costs, and contribute some to other women of color I know who are struggling to pay for the trip to attend the conference. Thank you everyone who contributed and/or spread the word! – ek

Original post follows below.

*****

Short version:

I need financial help to get to Color of Violence conference. Please paypal emi@eminism.org or send check to Emi Koyama, PO Box 40570, Portland OR 97240. You can also support me by ordering my buttons and zines.

Long version:

Hello friends – I am doing two presentations at the upcoming Color of Violence conference in March, and about a month ago I posted a comment on Facebook asking for financial help getting there. But I didn’t set up any crowdfunding page or anything, because at the time I thought I could afford a large part of the cost myself.

Well, things have changed and I have less money now than I did, so I need to get more serious about fundraising to get there. The good news is that I got help with the lodging so that’s taken care of. In other words, I just need to raise enough money for airfare, ground transportation, and food.

The flight from Portland was super expensive (around $600), but it was way cheaper from Seattle so that’s how I’m going to travel. The roundtrip airfare is $362.20 (I’ve already purchased the ticket so it won’t go up, and my bank account is now dangerously close to overdrafting). For ground transportation I use ADA paratransit, which is $3 per ride in Chicago. I plan to go to a grocery store on the first day and stock up in my room to save money. So $400 total would probably work. I have received $40 from my previous facebook request, so my target is $360 which I think is possible.

Just so you know, the two presentations I’m doing are “Anti-Trafficking Policies and the Deputization of Social Service” and “Rejecting Victim/Survivor Dichotomy: From Individual Mandate to Collective Action.” In addition, I’m joining other women of color to do a workshop about critiquing media narratives about sex trade and sex trafficking.

I appreciate support from any of my friends, but I especially want white sex worker activists, anti-violence advocates, and scholars who use my work to support me now. I feel I’ve produced and gave away lots of materials for free that inform and benefit your work, and now is the time that you can help me connect and interact with other women and trans people of color so I can continue to do that.

I can accept Paypal (emi@eminism.org), Amazon gift card, or check (Emi Koyama, PO Box 40570, Portland OR 97240 – if you send a check, please email and let me know).

There are other ways to support me: you can also order my buttons and zines, or try to get me invited to your college or university if you are affiliated with any.

If I raise more money than I need for the trip, I will spend it on printing more zines and handouts to share at the conference, and/or give it forward to another woman of color who needs money to attend the conference.

Thank you for your help–and for reading the long version!

FREE HUGS

thelingerieaddict:

Queer Representation in Lingerie Ads

Photo Credits:

Top Row: RodeOh

Middle Row: FYI by Dani Read

Bottom Row: Chromat

Interesting article. I think a key thing about the three brands highlighted is that they are all by designers who are explicitly queer, which is a huge differentiator from the majority of lingerie brands out there.

martysimone:

thelingerieaddict:

New arrivals from Myla London. Gonna need all these.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

(x)

bankuei:

thisiseverydayracism:

land-of-propaganda:

There Are 939 Active Hate Groups in the United States. Here’s Where They Live.

You don’t have to go far to find racism.

Overt racism may be stigmatized, but covert racism is alive and well. The key to being an effective racist today is to conceal one’s deeper prejudices under the guise of a seemingly non-racial cause.

Those who hate racial minorities today find a haven in causes that can be plausibly characterized as not racist, from Arizona’s draconian anti-immigration law and the widespread support for George Zimmerman to the racist presumptions of the birther movement and the University of Washington’s discovery of prevalent racist attitudes among the Tea Party.

Attitudes that were once open and direct are now concealed in the shadows.

(Read more here)

(11/02)

Incredibly important commentary.

And don’t mistake number of hate groups as the only indicator how LARGE they are.  Oregon and Montana are both full of white supremacists, even if there’s only a few groups listed on the map.;

tastefullyoffensive:

Parenting in the future. (comic by Jeremy Kaye)

I missed this during the superb owl of which we must never speak again, but McDonald’s current marketing gimmick is indescribably monstrous; in a remotely just or sane world everyone who approved this madness would have been fired by now, and unable to find marketing work in the future. My first reaction was to call it another entry for my “extroverts don’t understand introverts” file, but that’s grossly unfair to even the most clueless extroverts. I’d happily add a couple zeros to the cost of a McMuffin to avoid this horror. I struggle to imagine that I share a species with people who think this is a good idea. One particularly disastrous result:

 They said all I had to do is call a family member and tell them “I love you”.

The start of the f*ck up is calling my mother who knows that I had a brief history with depression and suicidal thoughts from high school bullies, the second f*ck up is starting the call with I love you.

She immediately started to freak out (mostly because I’m over 1000 miles away from her and the closest family is about 300 miles away from me) and was pretty scared that I was about to commit suicide. Over the course of the next 15 minutes I was on the phone reassuring her that I indeed wasn’t about to kill myself and make sure that she wasn’t on the next plane to arrive and come to visit. (Afterwards she also mentioned that it had given her a small asthma attack, but nothing her inhaler couldn’t handle.)

It’s always fascinating when a company becomes possessed of the notion that it can fundamentally transform itself through marketing gimmicks. I know I’m not alone in that every time I eat at McDonald’s or a similar chain, I’m quite likely to be in a foul mood. Entering such a restaurant is a de facto admission of failure. If I’d had my shit together to get to the grocery store; if I hadn’t been too lazy to cook a bowl of oatmeal this morning; if I’d planned enough time to get something better that takes a few minutes longer; if I had just a modicum of willpower to resist the temptation to eat greasy processed crap; I wouldn’t be here. And virtually every time I enter such a restaurant, I get the distinct vibe that everyone else in the building is more or less in the same boat as I (the employees, of course, are miserable for different and far more serious reasons). I would be, frankly, taken aback and a little troubled if the cashier were to so much as ask me how my day was going (which has never happened). I suppose I can see how one might reach the conclusion that desperate measure are required; unfortunately, the particular desperate measures they opted for merely demonstrate how contemptuous they are of their employees and customers, whose underpaid miserable labor and poor choices, respectively, pay their salaries.

gordoananke:

ohhmelancholy:

misunderst00ds0ul:

joybeeeez:

guys never realize that. 

Why play games though? Just come out and say no, don’t seem to hard.

cause the word “no” is not in ya’ll vocabulary.

• A woman says no, I don’t want to go to prom with you, and gets stabbed to death.
  
• A woman says no, I will not sleep with you, and a man go on a shooting spree. 
  
• A woman says no, I will not give you my number, and is shot outside the club.
  
• A woman says no, I don’t want you to buy me a drink, and a man shattered a glass across her face. 
  
• A woman say no, I’m a lesbian, and a man shoots both her and her girlfriend while they slept in their home.
  
• A woman says no, I don’t want to be with you any more, and a man stabs her to death and murders her dog.
  
• A woman says no, stop harassing these teenagers, and a group of men beat her to death with stones and bats, smashing her skull on the pavement.
  
• A woman says no, we aren’t married any more, leave me alone, and a man shoots her to death.
  
• A woman says no, we work together but I’m not interested in you romantically, and a man shoots her to death whilst she’s working. 
  
• A woman says no, I don’t want to sleep with you, and a man rapes, murders and then hangs her from a tree.
  
• A woman says no, I’m not interested, and a man slashes her neck open.
  
• A woman says no, I never cheated on you, and a man beats her.
  
• A woman says no, I want a divorce, and a man cuts her neck open and stabs her multiple times.
  

You want us to start telling you no? You don’t want us to play games? Teach your fellow men to stop murdering us for it.

I promised a number of brief news items the other day after a week or two with a whole bunch of stuff happening. After a bit more time for further thought and updating, some of what follows is not that brief but I do believe it is all worthy of our attention. So, enjoy! – or endure: either way, it’s rather compelling stuff.

ABUSE ENQUIRY: THIRD TIME LUCKY?

The British government’s ill-fated attempt to set up an over-arching enquiry into all sorts of sex abuse going right back (well almost) to the biblical Lot* drunkenly shagging his daughter, saw the appointment of its third chair, the first two having fallen victim to victimisation by historic “victims”.

At least the appointee, New Zealand High Court judge Lowell Goddard cannot reasonably be accused of being too close and cosy with the British legal and political Establishment. Anyone acceptable to the victim lobby must of course be viscerally anti-paedophile, so this quote from her in a Guardian profile comes as no surprise: “There have been very few people throughout my career that I have not been able to relate to in any way. These were the paedophiles and the psychopaths. Usually I could relate in a professional way to anyone, no matter what they’d done.” On the other hand, the Guardian tells us, she kept the name of a convicted paedophile secret in a case where presumably “the victims” (and the media) wanted it otherwise.

Ben Emmerson QC welcomed Goddard’s appointment, saying she is “one of the most respected and experienced judges in the Commonwealth” and much more, in fact pretty much the greatest thing since sliced abusers. Or was he thinking of sliced victims? As legal counsel to the enquiry, Emmerson firmly put Sharon Evans, one of the victims’ lobby representatives on the enquiry panel, in her place, saying she could not tell the difference between truth and error and had “done no service to the survivor community”.

That took balls. Emmerson is clearly a man not afraid to speak his mind. He nearly started World War III the other day, calling Vladimir Putin a “common criminal dressed up as a head of state” who ordered the murder of Alexander Litvinenko to stop him exposing Putin’s corrupt “mafia” regime. Emmerson had been representing the former spy’s family at the enquiry into his death by polonium poisoning. Very soon after this, in an incident some see as linked to Emmerson’s insults, Russian bombers were intercepted by the RAF flying provocatively close to British airspace over the English Channel.

I am digressing a bit here, but it gets even more interesting, I promise, so never mind. In another plot turn, Litvinenko had accused Putin of being a paedophile, after mad, bad Vlad publicly lifted up a five-year-old boy’s tee-shirt and kissed him on the stomach. The Daily Mail carried the story, complete with the boys’ name, Nikita Konkin, back in 2006. There is also a photo of the deed on Google images so we can judge for ourselves. Verdict, anyone?

Anyway, back to Judge Lowell Goddard. I asked my friend in New Zealand who blogs as “peterhoo” if he had any lowdown on her. After a bit of digging he came up with some fascinating information totally at odds with Emmerson’s high opinion. As you will see from links on his interesting latest blog, “Still breaking rules, but that’s okay”, a survey of New Zealand judges has given her the lowest rating of the lot: 63rd out of 63. The comment says:

“Low marks across the board. Much criticism of Goddard J’s obsession with self-image, which this judge understands can only be maintained by kowtowing to powerful special interests. Said to be as committed to law as she is at marriage (several times), Goddard is regarded by some as a human rights hypocrite, her judgement disconnected with her diligent efforts to be portrayed as a human rights advocate. “Puppet” came up more than once to describe this judge who is as white as any Irishman yet routinely describes herself as a disadvantaged Maori.”

Ouch! Not sure about that last jab. Yes, she definitely looks quite pale in her photos. Does this firmly establish that she has very little Maori “blood”? I know skin colour depends on lots of genes so a simple recessive gene explanation is presumably not available, but… But I digress again!

* First off, I mistakenly said Abraham. Sorry about that and thanks to Kit Marlowe for correction. See comments below.

COUNCIL ‘IN DENIAL’ OVER GROOMING

The Daily Telegraph, among other mainstream sources, told us:

“Rotherham Council is an organisation still ‘in denial’ about its total failure to protect 1,400 girls from child sexual exploitation, a devastating government report said. Louise Casey, who was asked to carry out an inspection of the council by the Department for Communities and Local Government, found that staff did not accept the findings of an independent inquiry carried out by Professor Alexis Jay last year.”

Casey’s report may have been right, but what I found most shocking was a report of one of the BBC’s main current affairs programmes, Radio 4’s The World At One. At a time when Rotherham Council was telling the BBC they would need time to digest the report, and that they would issue a statement later, presenter Edward Stourton interviewed Casey. BBC correspondent Michael Buchanan had reported that 70% of council members disputed the findings, especially about the figure of 1,400 victims. “We keep hearing about all these victims, but where are they?” was reportedly a widespread response by council members.

That sounds like a pretty good question to me. Why have very few of these alleged “victims” come forward and said they are victims?

But it didn’t stop Stourton from simply assuming the truth of the Casey report and interpreting the councillors’ response merely as proof of them being “in denial”. Likewise Casey herself, who was given an easy ride by Stourton, said some councillors had “questioned the methodology” of the report, as though that too was proof of their guilt rather than legitimate scepticism.

If even a town’s elected representatives can be gang-raped like this by the national government and the premier national broadcaster, what chance do we have as individual heretics?

COVERING UP THE COVERER UP?

The “very private” funeral of British former home secretary Leon Brittan was reported this week following his death last month. His burial comes amidst persistent rumours that he had done some burying of his own in his time, covering up a dossier of evidence that supposedly incriminated senior politicians in “the sexual abuse of boys in the 1980s”.

I have no idea whether there was any truth in this, but I think we can discount the wildest allegations made against him, the most recent of which have been far more shocking than any cover-up. According to the Daily Mail, Labour MP Tom Watson said Brittan stood accused of “multiple child rape”. The “evidence”, such as it is, comes from an anonymous witness dubbed “Nick”, who claims he was raped “more than a dozen times”. He is quoted as saying Lord Brittan “would treat me like I was not even human”, adding that the peer was “nasty, cruel, sadistic and hateful”.

Other witnesses, who appear to be former rent boys – who would go back time and again to be “raped” by politicians and other VIPs – have even attested to the murder of several boys as part of this scandal, but we are not told about any bodies being found, nor any names of missing persons who might have been the victims.

Another factor that makes me doubt the credibility of these rent-boy witnesses is that one of them, “Darren”, made similarly lurid allegations against my old friends Charles Napier and Peter Righton, accusing them of callous and sadistic abuse. I am absolutely certain these were outright lies.

GARY GLITTER: GUILTY AGAIN

Garry Glitter, 1970s rock star, faces possible life imprisonment after being convicted of “historic” sex offences involving three young girls. His chances of avoiding a long sentence look slim given his earlier convictions for similar offences in Vietnam, and also child porn possession.

In a vintage week for show trials, Glitter was far from alone. Also in the dock was TV weatherman Fred Talbot, facing historic offences involving boys, dating from his earlier career in teaching. This trial almost out-glittered Glitter, as one of the accusers, former Stone Roses frontman Ian Brown, used to be a star himself. A one-time pupil of Talbot’s at Altrincham grammar school, near Manchester, Brown interestingly let slip that Talbot was different from most of the other teachers because he “wasn’t violent”. Will this help Talbot? Nah! Not being properly hard is a sure sign of a nonce!

Any star case would usually be big, but here’s one that might slip under your radar in such an incredible time for such cases: folk-rock singer/songwriter Roy Harper could face a re-trial on five charges of historical sexual abuse involving young girls after a jury failed to reach verdicts. Harper’s influence has been acknowledged by many musicians including Jimmy Page and Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin, who named the song “Hats Off to (Roy) Harper” after him.

PROSECUTOR MUTILATES A GOOD CAUSE

Even those of us who feel that male genital mutilation in infancy or childhood is a serious form of abuse would probably agree that female genital mutilation (FGM) is often far worse, especially in its more radical forms. So many of us welcomed the news last year that prosecutions directed against this practice were reportedly in the pipeline in Britain, after decades of official foot-dragging on the issue.

What we did not know is that the first case to reach a conclusion would be an utterly idiotic one to bring, resulting in a rapid and obviously correct jury decision to acquit. There now has to be some suspicion that this crazy case was brought simply in order to undermine public pressure for further prosecutions against FGM, the fear in official circles being that they will serve only to stoke the flames of religious and cultural tension.

The problem is, there is something in it: in France, where there have been many FGM prosecutions, and also attempts to ensure acceptance of French culture by such means as the banning of head-scarves, such tensions are far more strongly pronounced. It is a real dilemma, which Heretic TOC has been meaning for some time to address.

WALTER LEE WILLIAMS

News has reached Heretic TOC of a nightmarish situation in which distinguished anthropologist Walter Lee Williams finds himself in an American prison, having been forced through complicated circumstances to submit to a plea bargain on child sex charges. This is a story I hope to take up in more detail in due course. It is far too complex to be dealt with briefly but readers can catch up with Williams’ extensive work in anthropology and queer activism (“gay rights” doesn’t really hack it) at the links here and here.

“5 WAYS WE MISUNDERSTAND PEDOPHILIA”

A sensational start, with around a million views in the first 24 hours, for a public education article. That ought to be excellent news, but as this is one of those VP efforts, in league with their favoured abuse industry professionals, the word “education” here really needs to come with scare quotes. My view? It’s slick, with eye-catching graphics and user-friendly language. There’s a lot of good information too. In the end it’s just the moralising that sticks in the craw.

BOY KIDNAPPED BY OWN FAMILY

More than any other story I have seen recently, this one captures the craziness of our times. A family staged the kidnapping of their own six-year-old boy, abusing him horribly in the process, to teach him it’s dangerous to be nice to strangers – and thereby neatly demonstrating that paranoid parenting is what should really scare us.

Crossposted on Medium

Trigger warnings: abuse, rape, violent fantasies, suicide, racism, transmisogyny, bestiality 

Kitty Stryker and Ned Would for Ban This Sick Filth, TROUBLEfilms

Before we get started, I want to be vulnerable with you, and share something personal.

I have had erotic fantasies about rape, fatally sacrificing myself for a lover, being completely subservient to a male Dominant figure who beats me because he can (not in like, a caring way, but in a actual property and abuse way), being fucked after I’m dead, being kidnapped and placed on a breeding farm, all sorts of pretty dark shit that’s taboo in society at large. Most of these fantasies developed when I was very young, long before I had even kissed a boy, much less had sex with one. One of the first things I ever jerked off to a piece where a woman zookeeper got raped by a gorilla (even though that’s ridiculous, gorillas have smaller penises than humans, but nevermind).

So when I say I totally understand why people have these fantasies, I’m not joking. I really do understand.

But these fantasies did not occur in a vacuum. Fantasies rarely do.

Let’s break this down as it pertains to one of the most popular fantasies for women- rape fantasies. Somewhere between a third and half of women, depending on the study, fantasize about being raped. One study suggests that as many women find rape fantasies both erotic and aversive as ones who just find it erotic. We are compelled by it even as it terrifies us. That makes sense, when rape is a possibility for 1 in 5 women… perhaps more, if we consider how many go unreported, and how few that are reported end up in court. You’re more likely to get raped than get breast cancer. Perhaps that fear is morbidly fascinating?

I remember talking to a friend of mine about Grindr, just to open this up from heteronormativity. He was pointing out to me that it was a world of bottoms and no tops when it comes to rape fantasies. “It’s ok to want to be taken,” he said, “but to admit that you want to be the rapist? Who would do that? That’s creepy.” Indeed, this is often the case with heterosexuals too- while it’s more and more normalized for women to admit to having fantasies where they are forced into sex, we are understandably wary of men who speak glibly about their desire to enact such fantasies. Maybe it’s because these fantasies can go horribly wrong, and when playing with consensual nonconsent, it feels frighteningly easy to cross the line between pleasing your partner through role play and actually being a rapist.

And let’s talk for a moment about what these rape fantasies tend to look like in these reports. In these fantasies, like in hentai or in at least half of romance novels, a sexually desirable man is overcome with lust for a woman, so much so he just HAS to have her. She protests, often because of modesty, but deep down she really wants it, wants him, and becomes overwhelmed with pleasure and sometimes love during the “rape”. The act being fantasized about, then, is not rape. Rape is an act of violence or coercion, often by someone known to the victim. I don’t believe that the fact we often call these rape fantasies, when it isn’t actually rape but perhaps ravishment, is harmless. It links the idea that rape is an act of sexual desire, and that women might actually want it or feel complimented by it. We live in a world where young girls who are raped are slutshamed until they commit suicide. How can we possibly say that these things are completely unrelated?

Why, then, is media like 50 Shades of Grey so popular? It’s reflective of years of subconscious training of women that admitting sexual desire is shameful and being “taken” allows you to avoid the blame, that the ideal partner is one who “just knows what’s best for you”, that “I’m yours, forever” is a romantic thing to say and not a terrifying admission of codependency. It’s because people are trained that catcalling is a compliment that says you’re pretty rather than a power play, or that loving someone hard enough can transform them into someone better.

Tell me again how these things are just fantasies, and not conditioning under patriarchy to help us deal with microaggressions and major trauma?

I’ve written about this before as it pertains to forced feminization, trans women being shut out of lesbian porn, fat fetishism, and our attraction/disgust reaction to women seen as “manic pixies”. If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you’ve probably seen that I write and reflect on my own fantasies somewhat constantly- from Shredder’s knives to ageplay to creampies to sex on trains to wholesomeness. So I get it- even in my blog you’ll see me waver between “my cunt likes what it likes, leave it be” to “how has cultures shaped and perhaps fucked up my sexuality”. I understand this is an unpleasant discussion and will make you second guess yourself.

But I still think it needs to happen. Sorry not sorry.

50 Shades of Grey, and similar media that deifies abusive relationships (“Beauty and the Beast”, say, or “Twilight”, or Spike/Buffy or Angel/Buffy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer), is not simply harmless fun. It distresses me to see people I admire in the sex positive world, like Erika Moen or Lux Alptraum, say that they have faith people will know better than to mimic what they read when the fact every sex store is doing 50 Shades workshops and selling 50 Shades tat. We know damn well people are using this book to jumpstart their education in BDSM, and BDSM has done a shit poor job of dealing with abuse. I mean shit, we’re a country who has to repeatedly say “do not try this at home” for obviously dangerous stuff (Jackass, WWE, viral Youtube videos) and people still do it. I think you’re putting too much faith in common sense.

It’s not even just about sexual fantasies, not really. “It’s just a fantasy!” (and therefore, I guess, above critique?) is phrase used to defend romanticized abuse in books, frivolous murder of sex workers in games, detailed rape stories/graphic abuse games involving real women involved in Gamergate, racist caricatures in porn that reduce Black men into aggressive sexual animals, depictions of trans women as sexual predators or “just men in dresses”.

No. Just no. It’s not just fantasy. Maybe in a better educated world it would be, but here, it is reinforcement of norms and it has a real life impact.

We are beginning to realize that a joke is not just a joke, that it has a social impact, and we should expand that to other interactions. While I don’t believe that violent porn causes rape or that violent video games cause school shootings, I do believe that they act as reinforcement of behavior that is not socially acceptable, but is coded as secretly desirable. I believe that the lack of safer sex in most erotica and porn does reinforce the message that condomless sex is sexier/better/more intimate. I believe that the fact we are more likely to see explicit sex in film if it’s nonconsensual than if it is reinforces sexual shame, especially for women. I believe that when blowjobs are less censored than cunnilingus, it reinforces male pleasure over female. I believe that when there’s multiple examples of erotic male dominance and female submission, but female domination and male submission is always portrayed as either dangerous or hilarious, that reinforces patriarchal norms.

These things add up to a toxic society- to blindfold yourself to that is to condone it through your chosen ignorance.

All this said, I don’t think it should be banned or censored. I just think it needs to be seriously analyzed. I know it’s uncomfortable and not fun to delve deeper into where these fantasies come from, but in my opinion, it’s an ethical necessity. And I feel that by doing so, we don’t have to fight our fantasies, or be defensive of them, or hide from them in shame. We need to contextualize them and weave them into the rich fabric that is our lives. It’s only by actually understanding and critiquing our darker taboos, rather than treating them as inexplicable, that we can keep them firmly on the shelf where they belong… in fantasy.

“Evolution, what are those flatworms doing?”

“Oh, they’re getting ready to penis-fence.”

“Penis… fence?”

“Yeah. They’re hermaphrodites, so either of them can inseminate the other one to reproduce, but neither one actually wants to be inseminated.”

“They… don’t?”

“Well, no. It’s much easier to be the inseminator. I kind of set it up so that actually bearing the offspring totally sucks. Haha, whoops!”

“So… they’re going to…”

“Try to stab each other with their two-pronged penises while simultaneously avoiding getting stabbed themselves, yes.”

“Jesus.”

“The good news is that there’s no real reproductive opening, so they can just pierce the skin wherever and get the sperm in.”

“That’s the good news?”

“Well, I thought so. Ooh, they’re starting! Fatherhood to the victor!”

“It is way too early in the morning for this.”

Source: Wikimedia Commons / Photo courtesy of Nico Michiels / licensed under CC BY 2.5

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