Matt.weiland

Is this the twin of Baseball Sasquatch Justin Turner, or a time-traveling version from the future? Either way, the two didn’t talk.

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Chris Pratt hosted the Season 40 premiere of SNL all the way back in 2014. Things were horrible then. A very bad flag was still flying, selfie sticks hadn’t been banned in Disney, and the world was still impatiently awaiting the arrival of Furious 7. Dark days these were.

But everything’s OK now — well, everything’s slightly less awful — because those first two things happened, Furious 7 was a modern-day masterpiece, and now SNL has released a cut sketch from last September of Pratt as Jason Statham pitching “Jason Steakums.” It’s basically the same joke as Hamm and Buble, but did I mention Andy Dwyer impersonating Deckard Shaw?

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If the success of San Andreas proved anything, it’s that moviegoers will pay good money to see (and enjoy!) attractive people running away from and/or fighting against destruction. Okay, says New Line, but what if we got rid of Alexandra Daddario and Carla Gugino, and replaced them with a King Kong ring-off, some sort of off-brand Godzilla, and a fuzzy werewolf that makes Taylor Lautner seem threatening by comparison? Well, then you’ve got a totally necessary adaptation of the long-forgotten video game Rampage, starring The Rock.

New Line is bringing a live-action adaptation of popular ’80s video game Rampage to the big screen with Dwayne Johnson attached to star. The project reunites Johnson, New Line, and producer Beau Flynn…Based on the Midway Arcade Game, the script is being written by Ryan Engle (Non-Stop). There’s no director attached at this point. (Via)

I imagine every producer in Hollywood is in a contest to cast Dwayne Johnson in the most ridiculous project they can think of, and still have it be a huge hit. In the past three years, he’s journeyed to a mysterious island, snitched, retaliated, pained and gained, fought Jason Statham fast and furiously, ran away from earthquakes, and, um, played Hercules.

*movie trailer voice*

But in 2017, he’ll face his toughest challenge yet… not getting eaten by a giant monkey.

(Via the Hollywood Reporter)

While it is already been established that what they say is that love is blind, sometimes the heart needs a little more guidance. That’s why some super-genius submitted the plot of The Room to the advice column of Toronto’s The Star. I’m so glad they got a published response.

I recently overheard my future wife telling her friend about being unfaithful to me.
When confronted, she said that she couldn’t talk right now.

Also, she recently told some people that I hit her, but it’s untrue. I’m not sure why she’s been acting like this lately.

She did just find out that her mother has breast cancer, so that might play a role in her behaviour.

We always find time to make love, so I don’t know why she’d seek it from someone else.
I love her so much, and I don’t know that I could go on without her.

Tearing Me Apart

Columnist Ellie Tesher has really got Lisa’s number, and was thankfully able to help before this atomic bomb went off.

She’s creating drama, perhaps to offset the one that scares her most — her mother’s breast cancer.
But it’s unfair to turn the drama against you.

She may have cheated, or she may have invented that story, just as she did about you hitting her.

Confront her pain. Tell her you know she’s worried about her mom, and you want to be there for her. But you can’t do this if she pushes you away.

And that’s what she’s doing, through her stories, which are hurting both your reputations.

It remains unknown if Tommy Wiseau plans to sue whoever posted this for copyright infringement. (Reddit)

The post Someone Submitted The Plot Of ‘The Room’ To A Newspaper Advice Column appeared first on Screen Junkies.

Finally, some hilarious movie news! A theater in Middletown, Ohio made a very understandable mistake when a projectionist squared up and played Insidious: Chapter 3 to a bunch of children and adults that had bought tickets for Inside Out.

I would like to say that the film was screened quietly and without incident, but if that was the case, we wouldn’t have even heard this news. Nope. Some high-maintenance parents let the theater know of their screw-up, and the film was stopped. This is all per the Journal-News, which doesn’t say how long Insidious was screened to a bunch of children, so I’ll just assume it was all of it until I hear otherwise, which I won’t, because I’m not going to care about this story after I make up the own facts in my head.

One parent went on record as saying to the paper, their kid “won’t stop asking questions,” which is a funny thing for a parent to complain about, considering that would probably be the case if they had seen Inside Out as well.

(A.V. Club)

The post An Ohio Theater Accidentally Screened ‘Insidious’ To An ‘Inside Out’ Audience appeared first on Screen Junkies.

Since it occurred, J.K. Rowling has more or less kept silent on the topic of muggle-born Hermione Granger’s 1997 use of the Extension Charm on her small handbag. Today, for the first time in several hours, Rowling broke her silence.

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CNN Tonight host and bad idea factory Don Lemon may have finally reached peak Lemon on Monday, holding up a sign reading “NIGGER” and asking his audience, “Does this offend you?”

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As always with vague, unformed casting rumors, a pinch of salt is necessary. Two, actually, since this is from that bastion of accuracy, the Daily Star. But supposedly, Beyonce is looking into joining the Marvel Universe.

The Star claims they want her to join The Avengers, because God knows that series could use the marketing lift. As for what role, well… this is kind of where the article gets a little… poorly researched. They claim that among the characters she’s being considered for are Boom-Boom, who’s a mutant, and thus is owned by Fox, and who has never been an Avenger; Blink, another non-Avenging mutant owned by a rival film studio; Tigra, who mostly exists as a bikini pinup; and Hawkeye, who is a woman in the comics… a 20-year-old being mentored by Clint.

Honestly, it’s a bit hard to imagine Beyonce taking a role like Tigra, and it’s equally hard to imagine Marvel would let Jeremy Renner go. So either the Star is about take a hit on its accuracy percentage, or Beyonce is being considered for another franchise altogether. I wonder how she feels about talking raccoons?

(Via the Daily Star)

How could the cast of Fox & Friends, a reality show about several adults who can’t read, get any worse? How about if its anchors started throwing sharp weapons at people on the street?

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“But nothing is so strange when one is in love (and what was this except being in love?) as the complete indifference of other people.”

― Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway

If you see Jeffrey Tambor out in public, try to hold back from yelling his memorable lines or sending him items related to his many roles. Particularly if you’re a fan of Arrested Development. He sat down with Jimmy Kimmel on Thursday and talked a bit about the roles that get him noticed the most when out and about, and Arrested Development topped the list.

People screaming “no touching” in his ears and people sending frozen bananas to his hotel room, sounds like the life. Even better, Tambor hates bananas and usually ends up ditching them when he receives them. That part is a bit crazy, especially if the frozen bananas don’t melt. Throw them in a bag and give them to the homeless, fling them at bike riders in the park, anything is better than trashing them. Or here’s a thought, sell them:

(Via Jimmy Kimmel Live)

Lesson learned: if you’re going to bring the WWE Championship to graduation and hold it over your head, somebody’s gonna run up and hit you with a Stone Cold Stunner. The best part has to be the graduation cap flying off before impact. That joins The Rock’s backflips and Shane McMahon’s beer spit take in the pantheon of ridiculous Stunner sells.

Thanks to our friends at BroBible for the clip, which we’ll be watching all day.

Truth be told, the stunt pulled by Polish pranksters SA Wardega on Chris Pratt isn’t as good as their mutant giant spider dog. It involves waiting for the Jurassic World star to walk down a hall, then have a fake dinosaur (as opposed to all the real dinosaurs taking our jobs and eating our Newmans) scare the bejesus out of him. What is great, however, is the way the dinos look, and Pratt’s reaction. He handles nearly pissing his pants like a pro, yet still wonders, “How do you say ‘f*ck you’ in Polish?” I think it’s the same in every language: “Jurassic Park 3.”

How has Chet Hanks, the son of two popular, seemingly non-bonkers movie stars, managed to live such a remarkably hapless life ? Simple: by ignoring their advice entirely.

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Cyndi Lauper was a guest on this week’s episode of The Graham Norton Show with Ted 2 stars Mark Wahlberg and Seth MacFarlane. The Family Guy creator was asked to sing some of Cyndi’s greatest hits as Stewie, for “Time After Time,” and Peter, for “True Colors.” It’s an emotional performance, especially when MacFarlane turns the LGBT anthem into a warning about not being a dick, but I wish Lauper had insisted on singing something from Bob’s Burgers instead.

Wahlberg and MacFarlane also resurrected the “Thunder Buddies” song.

Universal Pictures

There’s a funny theory going around — posed by Dan Harmon on his podcast (Harmontown), repeated on Reddit, and pointed out to us by /film — which posits Chris Pratt’s raptor-training character in Jurassic World is the same character who was the raptor-insulting kid credited as “Volunteer Boy” in Jurassic Park. He’s the kid whom Dr. Alan Grant lectured about why he should show the raptors “a little bit of respect” instead of calling them 6-foot-tall turkeys.

Universal

A large part of the reason this caught on is that it ties into the first clip released from the Jurassic World, in which Chris Pratt’s character says, “I don’t control the raptors; it’s a relationship. It’s based on mutual respect.”

It’s fun to speculate that he learned to respect the raptors — and felt compelled to work with them — after being intimidated by Sam Neill about a scenario involving three raptors (!!!) in this scene:

For what it’s worth, the actor in that scene (Whit Hertford) and Chris Pratt are only a year apart in age, although Hertford already joked on Twitter that the theory isn’t true.

/Film reached out to Jurassic World director Colin Trevorrow to comment on the theory. He tells /film, “I’m not sure I want to answer because the speculation is so much fun. Let’s not kill the fun.”

Yeah, let’s not kill the fun. Respect the fun. Like that kid learned to respect the raptors.

Via fyjurassicworld

Via Universal / Uproxx

(Via /film)

I don’t know why Burger King thinks that creating awareness will somehow correlate to people talking themselves into eating at Burger King, but the fast-food also-ran apparently paid $200,000 to position their King (ALL HAIL!) next to Triple Crown winner American Pharoah’s trainer Bob Baffert.

First off, let me just say that Bob Baffert is a handsome damn horse trainer. And well-dressed. He looks like a Swiss banker who’s still pulling in dividends off unclaimed Nazi money. Smart. Sexy. Confident.

See?

Even the King looks good. I want that photographer’s number.

Last month, Burger King had the King roll in to the MGM Arena with Floyd Mayweather, which couldn’t have been cheap. It looks like they’re backing this type of marketing for the near future.

I for one welcome it. All the pretense from these events deserves to be watered-down a little with this creepy-ass King and the terrible, terrible food he represents.

Next stop, Republican National Convention!

(A.V. Club)

The post Burger King Paid $200,000 To Have The Burger King King Stand Next To American Pharoah’s Trainer At The Belmont appeared first on Screen Junkies.

Paramount

The Ghostbusters reboot just got itself a Norse god to play the receptionist. Chris Hemsworth, wielder of a magical hammer and protector of the universe, has signed on to take dictation in Paul Feig’s adaptation of the ’80s classic.

Paul Feig broke the news that Hemsworth would be in the movie himself, tweeting out that a “receptionist” had been found, along with a photo of Hemsworth looking particularly handsome.

No more news yet, but considering that the announcement just happened, you should expect the Internet to crash with the excitement of every fan in the world. Hemsworth better be as good as Annie Potts, though — that’s all I’m saying.

(Via Paul Fieg/Twitter)

Some competitors thrive on being the underdog. Some find humor and vigor in humiliating setbacks. And some are just glass-jawed failure artists, their piled losses more befitting than any theoretical small victory. Rick Santorum is the latter, having reached mediocrity’s apogee while eating lunch alone on Monday.

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“Hearing Jurassic Park” is a compilation edited by Jacob T. Swinney of the wonderful dinosaur sounds created by sound designer Gary Rydstrom for the original Jurassic Park.

Rydstrom also recently did an interview with Vulture where he explains how each individual dinosaur sound was created from organic sources like the sounds of different animals mating.

It’s a mating tortoise! I recorded that at Marine World … the people there said, ‘Would you like to record these two tortoises that are mating?’ It sounded like a joke, because tortoises mating can take a long time. You’ve got to have plenty of time to sit around and watch and record them.

Michael: Watch out for bridges and hop-ons. You’re going to get some hop-ons.

Key Decisions - 1x04

idea by hylianjean

This Entourage poster of Vinny Chase and the fellas chillin’ out over some brewskies would probably look great in my big bro Smelly’s man cave behind the wet bar next to me and Black Steve’s paddles, but you probably wouldn’t expect to find it above the host stand at an Indian restaurant otherwise decorated in Indian murals. But that’s exactly where Boston.com’s Allison Pohle found it, at India Castle in Cambridge, Massachusetts. The movie opened this week (my review), but the poster has apparently been there for quite a bit longer.

When questioned by a reporter about the poster’s origins, [restaurant owner Rabhir] Singh, who was standing behind the bar, denied having a poster in the restaurant. He said he had no idea what Entourage> was.
He then walked around to the front of the restaurant to take a look, and put his hands on his hips.

“Oh this?” he said. “This has been here forever.”

You know that restaurant is probably really good. A place so focused on the food that the owner has been walking past an Entourage poster every day for years and still has no idea what Entourage is is exactly the kind of place I want to eat.

Apparently a representative from TV 38 offered Singh a deal – someone from the local TV station would change the poster every two weeks and pay Singh for the privilege. But after they installed the Entourage poster, the man never returned.

It’s been locked in the frame ever since. Singh doesn’t have the key.

“The box used to light up and it doesn’t anymore, but I can’t get it out,” he said. “I guess it’s stuck.” [Boston.com]

We were trying to date the poster, which looks like it was put up to promote Entourage playing in syndication in the Boston area. That appears to have happened in 2010. That means those poor bastards have been stuck looking at Kevin Dillon’s face and Adrian Grenier’s eyebrows for FIVE YEARS. That has to make the constant waft of curry farts seem like lavender and honeysuckle by comparison. Even so, as Burnsy points out, this still isn’t the worst thing Mark Wahlberg has done to foreigners in Boston.

Michael: Do you know what they do to people who commit treason?
George Sr.: First time.
Michael: I’ve never heard of a second.
George Sr.: I got the worst fucking attorneys.

Let ‘Em Eat Cake - 1x22

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

idea by therealhamfast