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22 Feb 13:35

Guillermo del Toro announces “Hellboy 3” is 100% NOT happening

by Marty Preciado

Guillermo del Toro announces “Hellboy 3” is 100% NOT happening

Guillermo del Toro announces “Hellboy 3” is 100% NOT happening

After much speculation and fervent hope, monster-loving, horror/fantasy director, Guillermo del Toro (Cronos, Pan’s Labyrinth, Pacific Rim), announces Hellboy 3 will not occur. Let’s backtrack, weeks ago, del Toro took his inquiry recurred town hall, Twitter, and launched an informal poll with a yes or yes question, asking fans: “Yes” or “Hell, Yes” for Hellboy III.

Despite 68% of “Hell, yes” votes, Guillermo del Toro reports he spoke to all parties and Hellboy 3 “100%” will not happen.

Hellboy staring Selma Blair, Ron Perlman, Doug Jones, premiered in 2004. The red-skin superhero fiend returned in 2008. Now, the trilogy will not occur, but despite the news, del Toro’s love and respect for misunderstood monsters continues and recently announced the second season of the beloved series Trollhunters. Guillermo del Toro told EW.com: “Well, we got very good news about how many people were watching the series, but we got confirmation that the next [13] episodes are go.”

Guillermo del Toro has never failed to cater and reinvent our horror dreams, from the fantasy elements intersecting political uproar of Pans’s Labyrinth (2006) to the colossal alien monsters in Pacific Rim (2013). Also, in 2016, Guillermo del Toro, premiered a project, a public exhibition of his horror and precious artifacts he guards at his “Bleak House” in Los Angeles. The exhibition, “At Home with Monsters” premiered at Los Angeles County Museum of Art, and his now on the road heading towards Minneapolis, Minnesota.

14 Feb 21:58

Company Turns Your Relatives’ Ashes Into Vinyl That Plays Their Voices After Their Death

by Stella Muir

Deciding how to honour our dearly departed can be extremely difficult, especially when it comes to their ashes. This UK company is putting a new spin on loving memory by pressing cremated remains into vinyl records – yes, you read that right. The ashes are sifted and spread across raw vinyl, then sealed into a finished record for all eternity.


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And Vinyly customises the whole process for clients, loading the vinyls with audio chosen by them. It can be a loved one’s favourite song, a clip of them speaking set to background music, or complete silence. The distinct pops and crackles heard as the needle traces the ashes might be music enough to some people’s ears. The company will even provide the record with personalised cover art, either from supplied photographs or by the hand of their on-call painter from the National Portrait Gallery.

For audiophiles and music lovers, this is the ultimate send-off, and it can even be arranged long before you die. And Vinyly founder Jason Leach explains his peculiar business in the short film Hearing Madge below, a tender story of a life remembered through sound. The pressing can be arranged directly by email, and starts at 3 thousand British pounds.

More info: And Vinyly

This company is putting a new spin on honouring the dearly departed

ashes-into-vinyl-and-vinyly-5

They press cremated remains into raw vinyl, and seal them into a record

ashes-into-vinyl-and-vinyly-2

The audio can be a loved one’s favourite song, or a clip of them speaking

ashes-into-vinyl-and-vinyly-8

The company was founded by Jason Leach, a musician himself

ashes-into-vinyl-and-vinyly-7

Distinct pops and crackles can be heard as the needle traces the ashes

ashes-into-vinyl-and-vinyly-3

For audiophiles and music lovers, this is the ultimate send-off

ashes-into-vinyl-and-vinyly-6

Leach explains his peculiar business in the video below, a tender story of a life remembered through sound

 
14 Feb 21:57

Kim Jong-un's half-brother assassinated by 2 women with 'poisoned needles' after going into hiding

by Jeva Lange

The half-brother of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un was assassinated in Malaysia by two women wielding "poisoned needles," South Korean media reported Tuesday. The assassins are believed to be North Korean agents and they remain at large after escaping in a taxi, The Independent reports.

Kim Jong Un's half-brother, Kim Jong Nam, shares the same father as the current North Korean leader: former North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. Unlike Jong Un, though, Jong Nam's mother was a South Korean-born actress, with whom Jong Il had a nonmarital relationship.

Kim Jong Nam had been in hiding in Malaysia after his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, was executed in 2013. Kim Jong Nam had already survived an assassination attempt in 2011, in Macau. He fell into trouble with Kim Jong Un in the early 2000s after being detained while trying to enter Japan on a forged passport. Kim Jong Nam told authorities at the time he was trying to enter the country for a trip to Tokyo Disneyland. Additionally, The Washington Post reports "analysts have long suspected that China was keeping Kim Jong Nam … in reserve as a potential successor to Kim Jong Un, who has had strained relations with the Chinese leadership."

14 Feb 20:31

You can now have a Taco Bell wedding, because nothing says true love like a bouquet of hot sauce

by Meaghan Kirby

You can now have a Taco Bell wedding, because nothing says true love like a bouquet of hot sauce

You can now have a Taco Bell wedding, because nothing says true love like a bouquet of hot sauce

Taco Bell is one of the most magical places on earth. From being one of our favorite afternoon hotspot in high school to being the source of our late night Crunchwrap Supremes, it’s safe to say we have a soft spot for the tex-mex chain.

While you may already have that special someone this Valentine’s Day, Taco Bell is launching a competition that proves once and for all that they’re really one of the most important parts of our lives. Beginning this summer, Taco Bell super fans can have a Taco Bell Wedding, and to kick it off they’re launching a competition to find the first couple to get married at their Las Vegas Cantina flagship restaurant wedding chapel.

Taco Bell

Starting today, February 14th (Valentine’s Day…like you could miss the hearts and the overload of pink) true fans can enter to win an all expense paid Taco Bell themed wedding in Las Vegas.

Taco Bell

To enter the Taco Bell’s Love and Tacos Contest and Happily Ever Crashers Sweepstakes, Taco Bell-loving couples must upload a 30 second video to photo of themselves to Instagram or Twitter, using the  using the hashtag #LoveAndTacosContest, and  share their Taco Bell story. The competition closes on February 26th so you better enter soon! To make the competition even more exciting, fans can vote on their favorite couple and be entered to win a contest of their own: A chance to attend the winning couple’s wedding.

After the first wedding is held, Taco Bell fans in Las Vegas can ~order~ their own wedding right off the menu. The $600 valued wedding includes: A Taco Bell themed garter, a bow tie, a hot sauce bouquet, themed champagne flutes, a Cinnabon Delights wedding cake, commemorative “Just Married’ t-shirts, and of course, a Taco Bell first meal.

Taco Bell

According to Marisa Thalberg, Chief Marketing Officer at Taco Bell Corp, the chain understands how important they are to fans, who’ve been implementing the brand into some of their biggest milestones.

Thalberg said,“From sauce packet proposals to couples catering their wedding parties and afterparties with Taco Bell, we have known for years that some of our most creative fans have been incorporating Taco Bell into this momentous occasion. Now, through our new flagship restaurant on the Las Vegas Strip, couples can come right in and order a wedding off of our menu. In a town known for pulling out all of the stops, we think this will be the most craveable matrimonial experience to ever hit Vegas.”
Taco Bell

This sounds so romantic for the right Taco Bell-obsessed couple. True love can be found everywhere, even Taco Bell.

14 Feb 20:27

Celebrate Love With Erotic Fan Fiction Starring the Hunks From the Trump Merch Store

by Ellie Shechet on The Slot, shared by Julianne Escobedo Shepherd to Jezebel
Kevespada

legit thought the first image was directly lifted from the merch site

Images via shop.donaldjtrump.com, Shutterstock. Illustration by Bobby Finger.

Buried within the apparel section of the still-very-active shop.donaldjtrump.com are a number of men modeling Trump apparel. These men are a total mystery, aside from the fact that they all appear vaguely threatening and don’t seem to actually be models.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, please enjoy a selection of original romantic fiction inspired by the men who were chosen to sell official Trump-Pence 2016 apparel.

Images via shop.donaldjtrump.com.

The TV is flickering, a sickly hue dancing across the low ceiling of Travis’s basement. The air between your bodies emits a heady mix of Axe and macaroni & cheese, and you’ve finally mustered up the courage to ask why he still wears a Livestrong bracelet when you notice something hard underneath you, sticking into your exposed leg. Slowly, you finger the jagged edges of an old tortilla chip. “Oh shit,” he murmurs. “Gimme that.”

“I’ve got a question,” a guy yells, lurching towards you from his tailgate in the next parking spot over. His furry arms dangle; his eyes are unfocused. In his hands are two Fireball shots—one for him, one for you. Sweat pools on his upper lip.

“Yes?” you reply, clutching your phone.

“Did you vote for Killary?”

Brian stares at the computer screen, googling “IDF babes.” He feels nothing. Is it day or night? How long ago was that Papa Johns pizza? Should he order another? Plain cheese? Pineapple?

His phone buzzes. A notification: @ScottBaio retweeted your tweet. @ScottBaio retweeted your tweet. Brian exhales slowly. Pleasure cuts through him like an electric current, melting his torso into a soft, swirling vat of buttery satisfaction, a familiar hardening down below. Finally, after 9,000 optimized tweets, @YouAreFakeNewsNotMeMAGA has cracked the system. All it took was “NORDSTROM you will NEVER cuck America again w ur LIB TEARS #boycottnordstrom #MAGA #ivanka #radicalislamicterrorism #snowflakes.”

By day, he works on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange as a trader. By night, he sends emails to women writers demanding they be less vulgar. He loves Labrador puppies, snowboarding, burgers and Hervé Leger dresses, and he thinks Jared [Kushner] is a genius. Feminists should ask themselves why they don’t support Ivanka. His friends make fun of his sleeve tattoos, but he can’t stop—maybe his next one will be of you, if you play your cards right.

“This date is going really well,” he tells you, leaning across the table.

Lee’s arm brushes against yours, sticky with perspiration. The warm classroom is packed, providing cover for your shy flirtation. You barely know him, you think sternly to yourself. And he said that weird thing about open carry last week... Despite your reservations, you can feel something budding. His eyes flick over you, mouth breaking into a dimpled grin. “Watch this,” he whispers, turning towards your history professor and standing up.

“Why are you spreading fake news?” Lee shrieks, flinging his notebook across the room. “The Civil War was over state’s rights!”

14 Feb 20:23

If you’ve eaten at Arby’s recently, your credit card security could be at risk

by Trilby Beresford
Kevespada

we accept the love we think we deserve

If you’ve eaten at Arby’s recently, your credit card security could be at risk

If you’ve eaten at Arby’s recently, your credit card security could be at risk

We never want to live our lives in fear of what could happen, but sometimes things do go wrong — even in huge restaurant chains that are responsible for upholding the highest of security measures. We just heard from Delish that Arby’s was just hit with a massive security breach, and hundreds of locations are affected.

The breach targets corporate stores, and has apparently put “more than 355,000 customers’ banking information at risk for hacking.”

Yikes. Here’s what Arby’s said in an official statement to Krebs Security:

“Upon learning of the incident, ARG immediately notified law enforcement and enlisted the expertise of leading security experts, including Mandiant. While the investigation is ongoing, ARG quickly took measures to contain this incident and eradicate the malware from systems at restaurants that were impacted.”

BUT WAIT! What if we’ve eaten at Arby’s recently and used a card to pay?

via GIPHYWell, there’s no need to sound the alarm just yet.

But it’s necessary to check your bank statements and credit card information to make sure there’s nothing suspicious on there.

FYI, it’s good to get in the habit of checking that information every month, not just when you anticipate something to be wrong. If you do find a charge that you don’t remember making, all you need to do is call your bank.  And if you’re really uncomfortable with the idea that your information could be in the wrong hands, you can always cancel your card and order a new one (a hassle, we know, but it definitely will ensure you’re safe from this particular breach).

via GIPHYAnd yes, this is honestly make us really hungry. To Arby’s! (But maybe with cash).
14 Feb 20:22

Great Job, Internet!: This unvarnished obituary tells the truth for once

by Gwen Ihnat

Usually obituaries abide by the adage to never speak ill of the dead, which might be why a recent eulogy by a fed-up Texas daughter is making headlines right now. CNN reports that after the death of Leslie Ray “Popeye” Charping, his daughter penned the following:

Leslie Ray “Popeye” Charping was born in Galveston on November 20, 1942 and passed away January 30, 2017, which was 29 years longer than expected and much longer than he deserved. At a young age, Leslie quickly became a model example of bad parenting combined with mental illness and a complete commitment to drinking, drugs, womanizing and being generally offensive… Leslie’s hobbies included being abusive to his family, expediting trips to heaven for the beloved family pets and fishing, which he was less skilled with than the previously mentioned. Leslie’s life served no other obvious purpose, he did not contribute to society ...

14 Feb 20:19

Newswire: Drake offered to talk down a suicidal man on a bridge, police said “no thanks”

by Sam Barsanti

Drake is already an accomplished rapper and actor, but he recently tried to expand his résumé even further by giving real-life heroism a try. According to the Manchester Evening News (via Pitchfork), Drake’s tour bus was caught in traffic over the weekend in England because of a man who was apparently threatening to jump off of a bridge. At some point, a police officer nearby was approached by someone from Drake’s entourage who explained that Drake would be willing to try and talk to the man if the police thought it might help. They “declined with thanks,” and they eventually brought the man safely down from the bridge on their own, taking him to a hospital for treatment.

The report doesn’t say why Drake thought he’d be able to talk this man down or why he would voluntarily put himself in a position where a man ...

10 Feb 17:38

This is how you can use strictly skincare products to achieve that “no-makeup makeup” look

by Annie Walton Doyle
Kevespada

A+ troll job

This is how you can use strictly skincare products to achieve that “no-makeup makeup” look

This is how you can use strictly skincare products to achieve that “no-makeup makeup” look

Ok, I’ll bite: I’m a makeup writer who generally aims to wear as little makeup as possible. Of course, there are exceptions to my rule – gray lipstick that is a perfect mixing medium or glitter eyebrows that will make me look like a fairy unicorn. But whether I’m going for a natural look, or just want to do one weird standout thing, I try to keep the rest of my product usage low. In spite of my actual high levels of maintenance, the aim of the game is to project an illusion of effortlessness.

And the easiest way to do makeup while projecting this illusion is to not use any makeup at all. Plot twist. Yes, with a careful selection of skincare (and a small hint of playing a bit fast and loose with what genuinely constitutes skincare) you too can achieve a polished but extremely natural look. Plus, you’re also taking care of your face while you wear it!

Annie Walton Doyle / Hello Giggles

Here are the products I used:

Annie Walton Doyle / Hello Giggles

First things first, the tricky business of priming. And while there are primers that are firmly in the makeup category, really, the best priming you can do comes in the form of some good skincare. I love a gel-like, possibly slightly sticky serum, followed by a glycerine-based, face-laminating-style moisturizer.

My serum of choice for this is from The Ordinary – their catchily named Alpha Arbutin 2% + HA ($8.90). It’s basically a hydrating gel with brightening ingredients, ideal for the hyperpigmented or acne scarred, and like everything from this brand, it’s a stone cold bargain. You need to use SPF with this, but don’t worry, we’re getting to that.

Annie Walton Doyle / Hello Giggles

Over top, I smear a good amount of old faithful, the CeraVe Moisturising Lotion, $15.99. For me, this is probably the best moisturizer, period. It’s gentle, effective, cheap, and pump-housed. It’s not super technological or active, but over a serum it hydrates, plumps, smooths, and preps the skin. I tend to use a generous amount (one small pump) and spread it over my face, upwards and outwards to fight the unwinnable fight with gravity. After sufficient rubbing, you’ll notice the lotion start to set and feel slightly stiffer, ready to grip whatever comes next.

Annie Walton Doyle / Hello Giggles

Normally you’d follow with some makeup, but that’s not our brief for today. So I mixed two of my favorite “borderline” products to create a light, luminous base — La Roche-Posay Anthelios XL Anti-Shine Tinted Dry Touch Gel Cream SPF50+ ($20.62) and Becca Shimmering Skin Perfector in Pearl, ($41).

Here it is swatched:

Annie Walton Doyle / Hello Giggles

This is what it looks like when mixed:

Annie Walton Doyle / Hello Giggles

The first product I used is the La Roche-Posay Anthelios XL Anti-Shine Tinted Dry Touch Gel Cream SPF50+ ($20.62). It’s basically a once-a-day application with sunscreen, in a tinted formula with a surprising amount of coverage and a flattering, oil controlling matte finish.

However, I have two personal issues with the product. My first is that the tint is too dark for my pasty face. While this is a testament to the pigmentation of a product (it’s rare that an SPF will have enough tint to really show up on the skin at all) it is a bit annoying, both for me and for any woman with deeper or paler skin tones. The other problematic aspect of the product is based on a personal preference. For me, matte simply won’t do. I want moisture, dew, or even grease. An oilier-looking complexion is a preference I won’t be swayed on.

Annie Walton Doyle / Hello Giggles

Nonetheless, the longevity and high sun protection of this product are enough for me to overlook these flaws, all with the help of some facial mixology.

My second product of choice is the Becca Shimmering Skin Perfector in Pearl, $41. Even though it’s technically a makeup product, it is super moisturizing and has SPF 25, so it kiiiiind of counts. For me, the Pearl shade lightens up the darker tint of the La Roche-Posay, while adding malleability and sheerness. You can pick your Becca color according to your needs. Your skin will look dewier and more even toned, but imperfections still peek through (which, by the way, is fine).

Observe:

Annie Walton Doyle / Hello Giggles

For highlight, I applied a gel serum from the Ordinary, this time the Hyaluronic Acid 2% + B5 ($6.80). It adds a little plump of hydration to help with the high points of your face, with a glossy, sheen finish. Tap this product into your skin, don’t rub, to avoid smudging the base below.

Annie Walton Doyle / Hello Giggles

To add an all over touch of color for a simple and natural look, I love using tinted balm. A top choice is the Maybelline Baby Lips, $3.99. I smudged on the shade Peach Kiss for eye shadow, blush, and lip color. It’s an extremely sheer, natural nude with tiny bits of dimensional shimmer, which adds perkiness without looking obvious.

Annie Walton Doyle / Hello Giggles

For final touches, I added a quick brush of Rapid Brow’s Eyebrow Enhancing Serum, $49.99. While the primary purpose of this is eyebrow growth, it can be worn on low-makeup days as a clear gel, just to get hairs into their rightful position. Last of all, I added a few sprays of the Mario Badescu Facial Spray ($7) to “set” my “makeup.”

While I don’t think this really does anything for longevity, I am a firm believer that a final hydrating spray will blend everything together and make you kin look as natural and glowy as possible.

07 Feb 07:04

Random Photos Part Two

by Enty

Daniel Craig filming his new movie.

Heidi Montag posing at a London pool for photographers.

Jennifer Garner ran into James Corden last week and Reese Witherspoon this week.

Mischa Barton wasted out of her mind last night.

Mariah Carey on a red carpet with her boyfriend.

Amy Poehler does a little shopping over the weekend.

Rita Ora in NYC.

02 Feb 21:11

Great Job, Internet!: It turns out all metal albums look better with googly eyes added to them

by David Anthony

Metal is many different things, but lighthearted and jovial it is not. In fact, metal is incredibly image-conscious, having deeply defined aesthetics for each of its respective sub-genres. It’s easy to tell the font of a black metal band from that of a death metal band, and if you’re a blackened death metal band just, I don’t know, figure something out. No place is metal more serious than on its album covers, where images vary between brutal, brutaler, and brutalest, and it’s why the recently discovered Tumbr, Metal Albums With Googly Eyes, works so effectively.

It’s a delightfully simple premise: take a metal album and slap some googly eyes on it. Take, for example, the cover of Sabaton’s Heroes, which features an angry eagle statue, a couple lions, a helicopter, and some fire.

Now look at it with googly eyes slapped on it.

Metal ...
02 Feb 20:33

Great Job, Internet!: Don’t look directly at these horrifying children’s movie knockoffs

by Dan Neilan

Given the money-driven, cynical nature of the film industry, it’s really no surprise that with every financial success story comes a gaggle of pretenders ripping off the idea in order to grab their own piece of the box-office pie. These so-called “mockbusters” are essentially cheaply made movies that capitalize on the buzz surrounding a successful title and trick viewers into buying the wrong DVD or clicking the wrong thing on Netflix. Notable examples include Aliens vs Avatars, Snakes on a Train, Transmorphers, and really anything else produced by The Asylum.

Perhaps the most egregious offenders are the creators behind children’s movie rip offs who capitalize on kids’ inattention to detail and parents’ bleary-eyed willingness to buy whatever movie their kid wants. The video list-makers over at MindChop have found ten of the most horrific examples of Disney and Dreamworks mockbusters and gathered them here for your viewing displeasure ...

31 Jan 19:19

You Can Now Get A Croissant Stuffed With Sushi

by Juliet Bennett Rylah
You Can Now Get A Croissant Stuffed With Sushi What will they think of next? [ more › ]
31 Jan 06:07

ICYMI: Almost 600,000 People Rode Metro Trains On Saturday

by Julia Wick
ICYMI: Almost 600,000 People Rode Metro Trains On Saturday Plus, Governor Jerry Brown blasts Trump, the L.A. Zoo stands up for climate change facts, and more! [ more › ]
31 Jan 06:06

By Age Six, Girls No Longer Believe They're As Smart As Boys

by Lauren Evans
Image via Getty.

If you’ve ever wondered at what point girls (wrongly) begin to think that boys are smarter than them, a new study from Science has pretty solid evidence of the answer: Six. Not five. Not seven. Six.

Lin Bian, a psychology PhD student at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and one of the study’s authors, conducted one part of her research by reading a story to 240 children between ages 5 and 7, describing the protagonist as “really, really smart.” Then she held up four pictures—two depicting men, and two depicting women. Which one was the story referring to?

Among 5-year-old girls, the “really, really smart” person was more likely to be a female image. But among the 6-year-olds, something had changed. From the Atlantic:

Among the 5-year-olds, both boys and girls associated brilliance with their own gender. But among those aged 6 or 7, only the boys still held to that view. At an age when girls tend to outperform boys at school, and when children in general show large positive biases towards their own in-groups, the girls became less likely than boys to attribute brilliance to their own gender.

“It was really heartbreaking,” Bian conceded.

This idea that women lack inherent brilliance is a handicap we continue to carry through life, to the detriment of society generally. A related survey conducted by another of the study’s authors, Andrei Cimpian, found that college students were more likely to characterize their professors as “brilliant” and “genius” in fields with fewer women and black professors, like physics, math and philosophy. One likely reason for the low turnout is that women discourage themselves from entering those fields, convinced that men are naturally more capable.

The idea of male brilliance is especially pernicious because it’s demonstrably wrong. Girls often do better in school than boys, and are more likely to finish college.

And yet, many potential STEM standouts shoot themselves down before they even have a chance to try. Another test conducted by Bian allowed children to play two games—one for children who were “really, really smart,” and one for those who “try really, really hard.” As the Atlantic writes:

At the age of 5, girls and boys were equally attracted to both games. But among those aged 6 or older, the girls were less interested than the boys in the game for smart kids (but not the one for hard-working ones). “They’d go from being really enthusiastic to saying: ‘Oh I don’t want to play it, this isn’t a game for me,’” says Bian.

“If we want to change young people’s minds and make things more equitable for girls, we really need to know when this problematic stereotype first emerges,” Bian said.

Researchers tend to think the bias begins at home. Cimpian cites an informal experiment conducted by an economist for the New York Times in 2014, which used anonymous Google search data to find that parents were more likely to research whether their sons were geniuses than their daughters. (For the record, parents of girls tended to investigate whether their offspring were overweight or ugly. Great.)

Though Bian and her team are investigating the basis for these early childhood beliefs, she concluded that “the answer won’t be simple.”

31 Jan 02:04

What the Fuck Kind of Monstrosity Does Ryan Gosling Pull Out of the Oven in La La Land?

by Joanna Rothkopf
Gifs via Summit Entertainment.

La La Land is a movie carried by talented actors doing their best with what they were given. One of the things they were given was this hideous souffle-cake chimera which Ryan Gosling believably portrays as food.

What is it? A grotesquely constructed egg and green souffle made of 100 eggs? A moldy yellow cake? Round flat bread? A tall pizza? 1,000 crepes stacked on top of one another? What fucking food fucking looks like this?

My colleague Rich, who made the gif and watched the dinner scene with me looking over his shoulder, noticed that the culinary Frankenstein is at no point referenced or eaten—Mia and Sebastian (Emma Stone and Gosling) eat a dinner of what looks to be “chicken in a pot,” make a toast “to Boise!,” get into a forced fight about careerism and what it means it “make it” (Mia thinks being in a popular jazz band fronted by John Legend isn’t making it), and then she storms out. He is flustered, forgets about this thing, and rushes to get it out of the oven. But he is too late—it has been burnt beyond recognition.

So, Rich concludes, and I second, “It looks like he cooked a two-tier cake for dessert and ruined it.” Am I to believe that in his best case scenario he was going to ice the cake after their dinner? That Mia was going to wait for it to cool off, for Sebastian to oafily ice some icing on? And then they were going to slice slices of it and enjoy it? My main question is: has Damien Chazelle ever met a real young adult?

Thank you to emailer Nick, who asked, “WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT IT?? american sniper (rightfully) gets shit for the plastic baby, but this gets a pass??”

30 Jan 22:37

Snow In Kyoto Broke The Nose Of This Tengu, Japanese Fixed It With A Bandaid

by Rokas L

Tengu are supernatural creatures that appear in Japanese folklore, and this one looks really mad. And it should be! A rare snowfall in Kyoto broke his nose. However, the Japanese didn’t want to anger this demon (Buddhism long held that the tengu were disruptive demons and harbingers of war.), so they “healed” his wounds with a bandaid.


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(h/t: spoontamago)

snow-broken-nose-fix-tengu-kyoto-japan-3

snow-broken-nose-fix-tengu-kyoto-japan-2

snow-broken-nose-fix-tengu-kyoto-japan-1

 

30 Jan 22:28

Dope Ohio Teen Gets Her Dying Wish: Tasing a Cop 

by Gabrielle Bluestone
Photo: WCMH 10

Finally a light-hearted story after a dark weekend—a teen delightedly causing pain to a fellow man.

Alyssa Elkins, who is 16 and, according to the AP, suffering from leukemia, got to fulfill one of her bucket-list items this weekend with help from the Newark Ohio police department: She tased a cop.

According to WCMH 10, Elkins was diagnosed with leukemia several years ago, had a bone marrow transplant and went into remission. But her cancer came back this year, and her doctors reportedly gave her about four months to live. She decided to spend part of that time being a metal badass. (She also, reportedly, wants to get a micro pig.)

And on Sunday, she fucked Sgt. Doug Bline right up.

“Bline winced and fell onto a mat, guided by spotters,” the AP reports. “He says being hit with a Taser is an unpleasant experience but it was worth it to help fulfill Alyssa’s wish.”

I love this teen!

26 Jan 21:40

Great Job, Internet!: That cool 3-D “S” you’ve been drawing forever is now a full, cool font

by Clayton Purdom

For too long, we’ve been held back by the boring-ass, sans serif fonts of the world. The font cognoscenti in their ivory towers have sneered at attempts to make fonts great again—since when was comic sans not a fun, inventive way to liven things up?—and so the time has come for the common man to reclaim fonts.

Well, the font game just changed.

Remember that sharp-edged, 3-D “S” you used to draw on notebooks throughout school? Well, now that shit is a whole goddamn alphabet.

Designed by artist Tom Goulet, the revolutionary font is delivered via an appropriately cool-as-shit dubstep video. “Make any word look cool,” it promises, before doing so to the logos for Friends, Subway, NASA, Amazon, and more. You can download the font from Goulet’s site to start making the world cooler and more pointy.

We know one champion for greatness who will ...

26 Jan 21:30

Great Job, Internet!: Apple-cheeked revolutionary Connor is actually Drew Carey’s son

by Clayton Purdom

Last Friday, the morning of Donald Trump’s presidential inauguration, there was one healing salve: the image of Connor, a scrappy young hell-raiser straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting, who was so pissed off at the state of things that he was forced to create a fire, such that the destruction in the world might match the boiling rage within his heart. When asked by the newsman why he did so, Connor replied, “Because I felt like it, and because I’m just saying… Screw our president!” He then sort of Hulked at the camera and disappeared into the rabble, presumably to help topple a car, distribute uncompromising hard-left pamphlets, punch a sitting U.S. Senator, and create abrasive postindustrial mixtapes using copyrighted material.

Also, at one point the newsman called him Carter, which Connor did not for a second accept. “It’s Connor,” he said, waiting for the ...

23 Jan 08:44

Is Human Placenta Vegetarian?

by Rich Juzwiak
Image via Getty

On one hand, vegetarianism describes a lifestyle in which meat-eating is eschewed almost always for the sake of ethical, health, or environmental concerns (or some combination of any of those elements). In that case, eating human placenta, which was just going to plop out and exist anyway, shouldn’t disturb that practice. On the other hand, human placenta really looks like meat! On a third hand that I’m about to bite off, further complicating this issue with actual cannibalism, a lot of vegetarian food really looks like meat. Beyond Burgers “bleed” and approximate hamburgers cooked rare. And they’re great.

This question arises not because I will ever actually have the opportunity of eating the placenta of my significant other (I’m gay and anyway, no thanks—I’m full) but because food writer Eddie Lin reports that he cooked his wife’s placenta and ate it in the appropriately titled Cosmopolitan.com essay, “I Cooked My Wife’s Placenta. Here’s How It Tasted.” Said placenta was “the size of a whoopee cushion, sprawling with thick blood vessels, dripping in amniotic fluid, and trailing a slimy umbilical cord.” OK, right, sounds like about the meatiest experience I could imagine.

Lin prepared it in “a riff on a medicinal Chinese chicken soup recipe.” As far as the taste, he reports:

The sesame oil amplified the flavor of the broth, and the subtle taste of the placenta gradually revealed itself. It was like beef, only very delicate; soft notes that suitably matched its gentle textures. One spoonful was all I got and needed. There was nothing offensive about it. Actually, it was quite ordinary, sort of beefy, and not the exotic taste I was imagining.

And in turn, that’s not the vegetarian taste someone who’d call this meal “vegetarian” was imagining.

And yet, one Ariel Garlow, who was according to her Quora bio in 2011 “six years vegan, nine years meatless” responded the question “Is it okay for my vegan wife to eat her placenta?” in this way:

Hilarious question.

We eat our own cells passively and constantly throughout our lives, so even a vegan will have “eaten themselves”. Nobody is harmed and you’ve got a, well, perfectly fine placenta to... eat.

I’ve never grasped the appeal of that though. I’ve heard of new moms freezing placenta chunks and stirring it in with their yogurt. Autosarcophagy reminds me too much of Soylent Green.

Let’s take it to the poll:

23 Jan 00:30

10+ Hilariously Painful Jokes That Only People Who Wear Glasses Will Understand

by Greta J.

Glasses Problems

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19 Jan 22:11

Newswire: Holy shit, Patrick Stewart is the poop in The Emoji Movie

by Sam Barsanti

After what has felt like years of breathless anticipation, Sony Animation has finally—finally—revealed who is playing the all-important role of the poop emoji in its upcoming emoji movie, The Emoji Movie. According to a post on Twitter, it will be none other than beloved Star Trek: The Next Generation, X-Men, and American Dad star Sir Patrick Stewart.

Sharp-eared emoji fans probably could’ve predicted this from the Emoji Movie teaser that came out back in December, but now we have confirmation that the erudite poop character in that trailer really was Stewart, and not just some similarly fancy-sounding person. Hopefully he’s planning to do something really fun with the money he gets from this.

The Emoji ...

18 Jan 23:02

Sir Patrick Stewart Will Voice the Poop Emoji in the Emoji Movie

by Jackson McHenry
20th Century Fox Academy Awards After Party - Arrivals

Famed star of the stage and screen Sir Patrick Stewart is going to act like shit, literally. Today, Sony announced that Jean-Luc Picard himself will play the poop emoji in its upcoming Emoji Movie. Also in the cast: T.J. Miller, who will play the main character Gene; Ilana Glazer, who plays the hacker Codebreaker; Maya Rudolph, as Smiler; Jennifer Coolidge as Gene's mother, Mary Meh; James Corden as Hi-5; and Jake T. Austin as a teen named Alex. 

It's just like what William Shakespeare once wrote:

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying poop.

18 Jan 20:00

Great Job, Internet!: Artist reimagines villainous Trump quotes as classic comic book covers

by Sam Barsanti

While many people recognize that Donald Trump shares a number of qualities with supervillains, artist R. Sikoryak has made that joke a bit more literal with a series of images based on classic comic book covers that cast President-Elect Trump as a bad guy facing off against the X-Men, the Justice League, and even Richie Rich. They’re posted on Tumblr at The Unquotable Trump, and they all feature quotes that Trump actually said in real life. Also, if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to recognize that something is funny and clever while also being horrifying and sad, it feels like this:

That’s Trump fighting the Black Panther, and here’s Trump doing his best to take on Magneto:

He also manages to be scarier than Negan and the zombies from The ...

18 Jan 19:50

Great Job, Internet!: Millennials are wrong: Space Jam is bad

by Randall Colburn

If you’re wondering whether or not you’re a millennial, simply ask yourself this question: Is Space Jam a good movie? If you answered yes, congratulations, you’re a millennial. If you answered no, you’re, well, pretty much anything else.

When it launched in 1996, anyone over the age of 12 could see Space Jam for the capitalist perversion of the Looney Tunes franchise it was, the filmic equivalent of tees depicting “hip-hop” Bugs in backwards jeans. Still, the movie seared itself into unblemished brains with a Taz-shaped brand, resulting in a rippling wave of modern-day nostalgia that’s birthed a Lebron James-starring sequel, live readings, and encore runs in theaters across the country.

Here to challenge your rose-tinted recollections are the folks over at Screen Junkies, who have given the movie a new Honest Trailer. “Based on a sneaker commercial comes a film that got the rights ...

18 Jan 19:46

Richard Curtis Is Just a Boy, Standing in Front of Your Phone, Asking You to Engage With His Davos Pokémon Go Poverty-Awareness Campaign

by Jackson McHenry

If basic appeals to human decency aren’t coming through, there’s always Pokémon. According to a frankly baffling report from Business Insider, Richard Curtis, writer of Love Actually and Notting Hill, is involved in a campaign to educate people at Davos about world poverty through the formerly very popular app Pokémon Go. Project Everyone, which was founded by Curtis, has sprinkled 17 new Pokéstops into the augmented-reality game around the conference, each of which correspond to the project’s global goals like “Zero Hunger” and “Good Health.” “It’s been very interesting, because people attending Davos are quite adept on their mobile phones, and they’ve all heard about this game from their kids,” Curtis said. “I’m hoping a surprising number might think it is quite an amusing thing to do. I’ve noticed the Davos audience are quite willing to laugh at even quite weak jokes, because they're looking for entertainment!” So far Olympic sprinter Michael Johnson and celebrity chef Jamie Oliver have been seen playing the game at the event and Niantic plans to expand the campaign out to the rest of the world soon. Hey, the world of Pokémon does already have universal health care, so maybe it is an inspiration to us all.

18 Jan 19:36

Inside The Video Store That Only Carries 14,000 Copies Of 'Jerry Maguire'

by Tim Loc
 
"We need the tapes here. How else are we going to build our Jerry pyramid?" [ more › ]
17 Jan 22:06

Blind Items Revealed #1

by Enty
bh

December 1, 2016

For those of you original shippers from almost two decades ago, it is not a love/hate thing going on between the stars of the show. It is simply a ploy to get some more money. That being said, I don’t want you all to think the couple is seeing each other exclusively or anything like that. They both see other people. They both have frequent co-star things.

David Duchovny/Gillian Anderson

17 Jan 20:09

100 Our friend Ashley G. - Otherwise Engaged

Kevespada

We did this 100 times, y'all! Link to hear just the megamix: https://t.co/D6QCjAjlOt

Joined by our friend Ashley we celebrated not only Brenda’s engagement to Stuart, but also the first hundred episodes of our Beverly Hills, 90210 podcast. It’s only appropriate that things get pretty silly in this one, and we included a special megamix at the very end, looking back at all the fun we’ve had since starting this podcast in 2014.

Download episode 100

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