Christian Grey was 50 Shades of Grey, there was no doubt about it.
Sometimes he was hungry, sometimes he was confused, and sometimes he was angry, like when he thought about bar napkins being smaller than regular dinner napkins. But no more than 50. That was all the shades he had.
"Today, I am dark Grey. VERY Dark Grey." He was Dark Grey because somebody just explained what ‘Casual Friday’ was to him, and honestly, he couldn’t believe it.
"Wouldn’t that be just black?"
Annabella KhakiPants was very beautiful, in a way that could be described as ‘plain, but with a little extra.’ She always had a book in her hands. He sure didn’t know if that added to her beauty or not, but he did like that sometimes the book would change.
"No, it’s not BLACK."
Something about her indigination made him 22 shades of horny. Honestly, I should mention right now that his shades were 26 shades of horny, 20 shades of angry, then hungry, confused, and ‘on a plane.’
"I want to show you my sex room."
He said this abruptly, furiously, like he said all things. Even take out orders. He also only liked lemon juice on his salads, he was that insanely sexy and bonkers. No oil or anything. That way, he could lips could pucker sexily even while eating.
"Idk Christian, I don’t really know what sex is. Sometimes my body gets wet, which I think is sex, but also I’m in the shower when I’m wet, so maybe not."
He hands her his extra laptop, even though he was p sure she went to SCHOOL and should KNOW THIS. He is so rich, he has an extra laptop in his bags at all times. Once, he gave it to a dog, just to watch him chew on it. It was one of the nicest moments of his life.
"Google it. Let me show you the room first, though. Then you can Google it. I don’t have time for this. I have to fly to Japan, just so I can feel what it is like to pound my fist on a table in Japan. My job…me…I’m very complicated." Christian Grey didn’t always have time for full sentences.
He takes her to the Red Room of Pain, which is what others feel when they have to talk to either of these people. He painted the room himself, with paint from Home Depot. He chose red because it only has one shade, because if you give it different shades it becomes pink or blood orange. He likes that, because he is 50 shades and more complicated and better.
"There’s just a bunch of Christma lights and chains here. Is..is that..where you lift weights?"
"I can lift two ladies worth, or maybe two large dog’s worth. But that’s not the point, how well I lift. We all know I lift well, Armando. That’s not the point."
"I’m feeling very nervous."
"Great. That’s what sex is, Aladdin. Feeling nervous…and also letting me kinda slap you and stuff." He says this last part very rushed and quiet, like how he used to say "idiot says what" when he was a young lad, and his teachers would say what, and they would be idiots.
"Hit me during sex?"
"Please say DOING IT in front of me. It’s the first rule in a series of arbitrary rules I have. And yeah, I mean, a little light hitting and also a lot of control over your life, basically. Relax. Like light slapping and then, you know, control everywhere else."
"Like BDSM? I read about that in one of my many books that I hold around you."
"No, thanks, I’m not hungry."
"I don’t know what you’re talking about, Alex. Don’t say letters I don’t understand. I just want to control every aspect of your well-being, and control you mentally. Will you sign this contract? All people sign contracts before doing it, because it’s copyrighted."
"Let me Google Sex, and then I’ll get back to you."
Inside, Allebellxa Khakipants felt something, but it’s too boring to even describe, and basically it was being horny. She isn’t too good with knowing what things her body does. Last week, she went without peeing for a week because she thought that she was just feeling excited.
"I hate that you are making me wait." Christian Grey’s eyes narrowed, which was one his A+ ways of letting women know he was angry, because he was always angry at women. This should be a warning sign for literally everyone who came across him. The guy was an animal.
"No, thanks, I’m not hungry." Alessandra went to sleep on the weight lifting station.
Christian Grey hated that she was making him wait, yes, but he also liked it. These warm feelings were new to him.
"Maybe I am more than 50 Shades after all," he thought, as he locked her in the room and went to burn one of his many suits, just to see how it felt.