ThePrettiestOne

greenbergsays:

Okay but.

Steve needs to have a Swear Jar and every time someone says a profanity in front of him, he just holds it out. The especially bad ones cost two dollars, don’t think Steve will let you get away with that. And this goes on for months and months and when Bucky starts coming around, he notices it. And he also notices how Steve doesn’t swear in front of any of the Avengers.

And when he gets Steve alone, he’s like, “what gives, you’ve got the worst mouth out of anyone I know.”

And Steve, with a perfectly innocent expression, says, “they made assumptions, Buck. I think those assumptions should at least buy a new bike, don’t you?”

And Bucky just stares at him, awed, like, “I forgot how fucking devious you are.”

“

[There’s a] frequently misunderstood construction that linguists refer to as the “habitual be.” When speakers of standard American English hear the statement “He be reading,” they generally take it to mean “He is reading.” But that’s not what it means to a speaker of Black English, for whom “He is reading” refers to what the reader is doing at this moment. “He be reading” refers to what he does habitually, whether or not he’s doing it right now.

D'Jaris Coles, a doctoral student in the communication disorders department, and a member of the African-American English research team, gives the hypothetical example of Billy, a well-behaved kid who doesn’t usually get into fights. One day he encounters some special provocation and starts scuffling with a classmate in the school yard. “It would be correct to say that Billy fights,” Coles explains, “but he don’t be fighting.”

Janice Jackson, another team member who is also working on a Ph.D. in communication disorders, conducted an experiment using pictures of Sesame Street characters to test children’s comprehension of the “habitual be” construction. She showed the kids a picture in which Cookie Monster is sick in bed with no cookies while Elmo stands nearby eating cookies. When she asked, “Who be eating cookies?” white kids tended to point to Elmo while black kids chose Cookie Monster. “But,” Jackson relates, “when I asked, ‘Who is eating cookies?’ the black kids understood that it was Elmo and that it was not the same. That was an important piece of information.” Because those children had grown up with a language whose verb forms differentiate habitual action from currently occuring action (Gaelic also features such a distinction, in addition to a number of West African languages), they were able even at the age of five or six to distinguish between the two.

”

-

SYNERGY - African American English

The Sesame Street study is now a classic in “habitual be” research: here’s the article that it comes from (paywalled, but you can read the abstract and first few pages). 

(via allthingslinguistic)

From the first trailer for Avengers: Age of Ultron, with its creepy rendition of Pinocchio’s “I’ve Got No Strings,” we know that Ultron seeks to free himself, and the human race, from the physical and metaphorical strings holding them down. But while he delights in the fact that, upon achieving artificial intelligence and something approaching the Singularity, “there are no strings on me,” there are still switches. Throughout the movie, characters (both good and bad) and plot developments are activated through the use of code words or literal buttons.

In fact, for the past ten years and more, in almost all of his properties, Joss Whedon has placed entire dramatic arcs around a switch being thrown. Sometimes it serves simply as a deus ex machina, but on other occasions, Whedon has used the trope to explore issues of control and ownership, over both men and women.

[Read more]

Read the full article

This isn’t 1968. Baltimore isn’t Watts. And Hillary Clinton isn’t Michael Dukakis.:

This is a very important long read. It’s thoughtful, well-sourced, and doesn’t lend itself to a quick quote or linkbait title.

Please, take some time to read and share it.

salon:

In 1949, some of the country’s top advertising executives launched a national marketing campaign. They weren’t selling a physical product. They were selling religion. Before long, the Religion in American Life campaign was placing close to 10,000 newspaper ads per year, coordinating national radio marketing, and putting up thousands of billboards, all intended “to accent the importance of all religious institutions as the basis of American life.” Major corporations bankrolled the effort.

We think of One Nation Under God as a phrase dating back to our founding. The real history is newer – and scarier

Thank you for asking! I have a pretty fundamental understanding of economics.

  This link answers your question pretty thoroughly. 

But the short answer is: NO. Basic universal income is not the same as “printing money” so to speak, and inflation is not guaranteed. It simply redistributes money that is already in circulation more evenly.  In fact, we have REAL WORLD EXAMPLES of places that have Basic Income systems or partial basic income systems that have seen very little, or NO increases in inflation as a result!

In that link I provided, for example, it cites two examples: “In 1982, Alaska began providing a partial basic income annually to all its residents. Until the first dividend, Alaska had a higher rate of inflation than the rest of the United States. But ever since the dividend was introduced, Alaska has had a lower rate of inflation than the rest of the United States. A partial basic income was also provided in Kuwait in 2011, when every citizen was given $4,000. Fears of increasing inflation were rampant, as Kuwait already had high inflation. Instead of bad inflation getting worse, it actually got better, decreasing from record highs to under 4 percent.” 

The CIA Just Declassified the Document That Supposedly Justified the Iraq Invasion | VICE News:

The National Intelligence Assessment was the classified document used to justify the invasion of Iraq. Newly declassified, it tells a much different story than the Bush administration told 12 years ago.

TL;DR: Everything the Bush Administration told the world to justify the invasion of Iraq was a lie.

MTV Bralesss host Laci Green examines the animated comedy television show Bob’s Burgers and how it breaks from traditional sitcom stereotypes to champion a diverse array of feminist characters. Green seems to be a particular fan of Tina Belcher and her blossoming sexuality.

While so many sitcoms rely on tired stereotypes, Bob’s Burgers shines through with original characters who are TOTALLY FEMINIST. Is Tina Belcher a revolutionary depiction of female sexuality? How has Gene made strides for the body positive movement? And should all parents look up to Bob & Linda? Let’s all raise our glasses to Bob’s Burgers for normalizing gender equality. But don’t forget: Tina’s no hero — she puts her bra on one boob at a time like everyone else.

MTV Braless is produced for MTV (other) by Kornhaber Brown.

submitted via Laughing Squid Tips

rynnyrae:

staythatswhatimeanttosay:

ink-phoenix:

katsuko1978:

missmirandaaraee:

puukani:

The Waitressing Chronicles: Wherein Dani does not refill your soda 20 times just because she thinks it’s SO MUCH FUN.

Tonight was one of the worst kinds of nights you can have in the restaurant industry. It was a pretty busy Saturday night, the kitchen was running smoothly, my coworkers and I were coexisting peacefully, and 99% of my tables were awesome, and I really had fun serving them. (Yes, I did say ‘worst’. I’m getting to that part, hold on….).

Some of them were a little needy, but after you’ve served for a few years, you start developing a sort of spidy-sense about which guests are going to require 30 diet coke refills, 5 servings of chips and salsa and roughly 2 gallons of ranch before they even crack there menus open (seriously…I think some people have such an addiction to ranch, that if it isn’t constantly on their table, regardless of the presence of any other actual food, they start to develop anxiety. Some people need to carry around EPI pens in case of emergency….I carry around ranch dressing. You’re welcome), so I was prepared. Even my needy tables didn’t rattle me too much this evening.

Generally speaking, all of the components necessary for a pretty kick-ass shift were present and accounted for.

And then my tables started cashing out. 10%tip, 5% tip, no tip, no tip, 10%….20%, FINALLY! Oh…wait…they didn’t do their math correctly, that’s actually only a $2 tip. Wonderful.

My enthusiasm for my job and my shift plummeted rapidly and I was ready to stuff my hot towel in my apron and go home faster than the cheapskate at table 7 could say “Keep the Change” as he handed me $40 for his $38.64 tab.

Some people just genuinely don’t know any better, and I recognize that. Sometimes I’m a little off my game, and I fully own up to that as well. But tonight was not one of those nights. I was on point…and I’m good at what I do.

So let me deviate a little bit from my normal Chronicling to give something of a PSA on behalf of waitstaff everywhere.

80% of servers make under minimum wage. This is a fact. A miserable, lamentable fact. The hourly wages that our employers provide are essentially just so that the government has something to take as far as immediate taxes on our tip money, and we don’t get slammed with having to pay it all back at once in April. Our “paychecks”, therefore, are usually somewhere in the neighborhood of $30. If that. It’s a pretty crummy system, and believe me when I say that we’d probably rather be making a steady and reliable hourly wage instead of depending on tips, but unfortunately that’s not the society we live in.

So. Your tip. How much do you tip, and who gets it?

A lot of that depends on the restaurant you’re in. Look around you. Do you see hosts and hostesses? Is there a bartender? A busser? If any/all of these people are present, rest assured that your server does not get to keep all of their tips.

We “tip out” to all of the other support staff (busser, host, QA expo, bartender, etc.) at the end of every shift. The amount of money we tip out to these staff is determined, not by how much money we make, but by how much we’ve sold. For example, at Chilis, I tip out 3% of my total sales at the end of the night. (So if I sold $100 worth of food and drinks, my tip out would be $3. Last night, I had $1100 in sales, and had to leave behind $33).

What does this mean? This means, that if you don’t leave a tip, or only leave $1 or $2 (assuming your total tab wasn’t $10.) your server actually loses money on your table. We still have to pay taxes and tip out based on the amount of food YOU ordered, not to mention that you sat there, and took up one of my tables for 2 hours, which I could easily have flipped twice in that time had you not felt the need to camp out and then leave me $2 (I’M TALKING TO YOU, TABLE 36.)

It pretty much boils down to this: a 10% tip is the bare minimum. It means mediocre service, and relates a relatively neutral - bordering on negative message to your server about how they did their job.  15% indicates that you’re content and happy, and your server was proficient at taking care of you. 20% is excellent. Excellent food, excellent service, excellent everything. That’s how we read your tips.

Also, you can basically write whatever you want in the tip line. If your total bill was $45.67, and you write in a $5,000 tip, and then write “$45.67” on the total line, and sign it…..guess how much I’m authorized to charge your card for? That’s right. $45.67. So please (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) double check your math when you’re totaling out your bill. I lost no less than $27 in tips last night simply because people couldn’t Math correctly.  Perhaps ranch dressing in excess has an adverse affect on people’s ability to do basic arithmetic. Or perhaps it’s a complication of margarita-induced brain freezes. Either way. It sucks. Please don’t suck.

Tipping is not optional, and it is not a privilege for the server. Back in the day, it probably was, but unfortunately, that’s no longer the case. When you sit down at a restaurant there is an unspoken understanding between you and your server. It’s their responsibility to make sure you have a stellar, enjoyable and relaxing meal, and it’s your responsibility to make sure they can afford to pay their rent. And before you start in on me (because I can hear the rumbling of offended restaurant goers from here, like distant thunder…calm yourselves, beasts!) about how entitled you are to not-tip, let me tell you now, honey child, I’ve heard every retort in the book.

"Your restaurant should pay you better, that’s not my fault" - Well. Yes. I agree. But they don’t. So it sucks for both of us. But until it’s announced that tipping is no longer needed in the service industry, the burden of determining my “paycheck”falls on you Trust me, I’m not happy about it either.

"You should just be happy that I left anything at all." - If your tip was in addition to the $10/hr my restaurant was paying me, you bet your left shoe I’d be happy for any little bit you wanted to throw my way. But they don’t. And I know you know that, faithful restaurant eater. So when you walk out, leaving me $3 after having waited on your family of 6’s $130 meal, I’m going to interpret that as a direct and intentional personal insult. You may have thought you were coming out on top by not leaving the appropriate $13-$26 that your bill merited, but really now you’re just a dick. And I can promise you that every server who was working that night will know about it. Good luck getting chipper service next time you try to come to our restaurant. We remember.

"Tips are dependent upon how well you do. That’s what TIPS means. ‘To Insure Proper Service." - I almost don’t even want to respond to this one, but unfortunately it’s a very popular notion. First off, lemme just lay it out there that if you believe this, you’re a dumbass. For multiple reasons. If that acronym was in fact true, they would be called “teps” (to…ENSURE….proper service. English, for the win!) and you would give them to be at the beginning on the meal. Because that’s what “to ensure proper service” implies. How comfortable would you be if you had to tip your server at the beginning of the meal, knowing full well that you had to sit there for the next 45 - 60 minutes facing the person you just handed $2 as you ask for 3 more sides of Barbeque sauce, a 5th coke and some ranch.(Just because of reasons. Everyone needs ranch. ) You’d probably be a little uncomfortable, wouldn’t you? You’d probably shell out a lot more were that the case, wouldn’t you? How great is it for you that you get to demand special ordered food and request exactly 45 napkins one at a time from your server and then immediately slip away into the night after leaving your server $1.63. You’re such a champ, a real stand-up type of person. I hope your kids leave legos in the hallway tonight, and you step on three of them as you stumble to the bathroom at 3am.

"Why don’t you just get a real job. You’re choosing this lifestyle" - Whoa buddy, whoa. Did you really just say that to me? Let’s rewind this a little bit. I’m on my feet, running, squatting, lifting trays, clearing dishes, entertaining table after table, pretending to love being regaled by the intricacies of your oh-so-fascinating life and reassuring you that your baby IS the most adorable baby I’ve ever seen for 6-10 hours a day. Usually, unless I have time to take a bathroom break (please note that I didn’t say “need” to take a bathroom break. If. I. Have. Time.) , the first time I get to sit down after walking through those doors and clocking in is when I get back in my car to go home at the end of the night. Someone please tell me how that’s not a “real” job? Or how it’s any less “real” than your 9-5 office job? I bet that desk chair does a real number on your lower back. Your office manager should really look into providing you with the lumbar support you deserve. Please, tell me more about it as I stand at your table side balancing 30lbs of dishes on one hand that you seem to be oblivious to, as you continue to complain about your cushy job.

   You have a valid point though, in that I did choose this job. For me, personally, I know that waiting tables is only temporary. The tips I earn go towards food, gas, insurance, cell phone, car payments, my gym membership, student loans, text books and other basic life-needs (shampoo is expensive ommgggg). I’m also trying to save up so I can afford to move to New York after I finish my Master’s Degree. I’ve got a lot on my plate, but not nearly as much as some of the other wonderful people I work with. Take, for example, the 20 year old single mother of 2 who was in the section next to mine last night. I’m not sure if she finished high school or not, but her kids are her life now. She started waiting tables at 16 so that she could afford to buy diapers and formula every night before she went home. Waiting tables isn’t just her “get me through school” job. It’s her career. It’s how she feeds her kids. So go ahead, leave her no tip on your $120 check, table 23. I hope that pasta you inhaled gives you heartburn. And she’s not the only one. Every single server in any restaurant you eat in is at your mercy to provide for themselves and their family. That is the responsibility you sign up for when you walk into a dine-in restaurant. It is an unfortunate part of American culture.

Don’t like it? Go to a drive-through. That’s what they’re there for. Better yet….stay home. Cook for yourself.

If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s completely true.

Thank you to those of you who are awesome. Awesome people and fun tables actually make this a pretty kickass job a lot of the time. Keep up the awesome. If you doubt your level of restaurant awesome, never fear! It’s totally something you can build up over time, kind of like distance running or heavy lifting. Baby steps. You’ll get there.

YES THIS THANK YOU

Italics re: affording a tip are mine. Mother. Fucking. Word. I gots bills to pay, people.

If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s completely true.

IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO TIP, YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO EAT OUT.

i still firmly believe everyone needs to wait tables for at least 6 months, preferably a year.  i honestly miss waiting tables sometimes, but i don’t miss this bullshit.  If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out.

“76% of negative feedback given to women included personality criticism. For men, 2%. The study speaks to the impossible tightrope women must walk to do their jobs competently and to make tough decisions while simultaneously coming across as nice to everyone, all the time.”

- http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/28/opinion/sunday/learning-to-love-criticism.html (via maxofs2d)

isanah:

cephalopodvictorious:

roarkshop:

natvarmac:

datunofficialdisneyprincess:

theassofremylebeau:

Best lesson from a Disney movie

This is an underrated movie

This is a grossly underrated movie.

Can I take a minute to rant? Good. Cuz I’m gonna.

I FLOVE this movie. And I HATE all the stupid hatred it gets. For a long time the buzz was “finally a black princess yay!” and now everyone is like “Fuck this movie, first black princess and she spends the whole movie a frog.”

You know what? Fuck that. Because Ariel spent a good majority of the movie not talking. Mulan spent the majority of the move pretending to be a man. Aurora and Snow White? Asleep (Hardly in the movie at all). They’re all just plot devices, not designed to take away from the traits of the women. 

And you know what else? Unlike some of the other princesses, Tiana is in control of her destiny every step of the way. When she turns into the frog does she lose hope and need rescuing? Hell naw. She busts Naveen over the head and gets the job done. She is consistently responsible and capable even after having her dreams crushed and turning into a freaking frog. 

So don’t tell me that Tiana is “less than” just because she gets turned into a frog. She’s still one of the most hardworking, badass, and capable chicks in animated history and I love her like crazy cakes. 

the end. 

Also? She’s based on a real person. A real woman who is 91 and is still cooking in her kitchen. She’s still widely respected in the culinary community, she’s fed presidents, she’s had songs written about her and her restaurants. She’s 91, and she still wakes up every morning to run things, because she still believes in hard work and good food. And if you don’t think that’s truly fantastic, then you can just fuck right off.

#disney#the princess and the frog#the frog thing can’t be left out tho#since they do that to every POC in a lead role#taken along with brother bear and the like#the message is that audiences find it easier to empathize w/animals than people

This. This is why I have a huge problem with this post. Because while I agree that Tiana is a kick-ass princess, this happens to a LOT of PoC in lead roles, having them be animals. It’s a huge problem, and to dismiss that by comparing Tiana’s situation to non-black princesses and heroines shows a huge lack of understanding of how racism operates in media.

Reposting again for isanah's commentary, which is excellent and on-point.

I hate that people try to dismiss Tiana, and sometimes the dismissal is “oh, she was a frog and she married into royalty, she’s not REALLY a princess.”  But it’s tone-deaf to ignore the fact that it’s most often leads of color who wind up turned into something where “race won’t matter,” and I apologize for reblogging initially without commentary.

bansheesquad:

oneshortdamnfuse:

princess-siddnttety:

hazeldash:

birdhead:

pyrositshere:

internetgoose:

I’m gonna depress the hell out of all of you. ready? ok go

so, that “stop devaluing feminized work post”

nice idea and all

but the thing is, as soon as a decent number of women enter any field, it becomes “feminized,” and it becomes devalued.

as women enter a field in greater number, people become less willing to pay for it, the respect for it drops, and it’s seen as less of a big deal. it’s not about the job- it’s about the number of women in the job.

observe what happened with biology. it’s STEM, sure, but anyone in a male-dominated science will sneer at the idea of it being ‘for real,’ nevermind that everyone sure took it more seriously when it was a male dominated field. so has happened with scores of other areas; nursing comes to mind

so the thing is, it’s not the work or the job that has to be uplifted and seen as more respectable. it will never work out, until people start seeing women as respectable

but there’s a doozy and who the fuck knows if it’s ever happening in my life time

"observe what happened with biology. it’s STEM, sure, but anyone in a male-dominated science will sneer at the idea of it being ‘for real,’ nevermind that everyone sure took it more seriously when it was a male dominated field."

Personal anecdote time!  I’m in a biology graduate program.  An acquaintance wanted to introduce some guy to me because his son was thinking about becoming an undergrad science major.  When he found out I was in the biology department, he grinned and said, “Well, I guess that’s kind of related to science.”

I gave him what I hope was an icy look and said, “Isn’t it strange how men outside the field started saying that right around the time biology majors shifted from mostly male to mostly female?”

The guy got this look on his face like he was about to play the “just a joke” card, and then an older woman who had been standing nearby, talking to someone else, turned to me and said, “The same thing happened with real estate.”  She went on to explain that, over the course of the career, the male-to-female ratio among real estate agents had dropped, and the pay and “prestige factor” of that job dropped along with it.

This is also famous for happening to teaching. Keep an eye on medicine over the next fifteen years and watch as it becomes less prestigious and less well-paid.

It also happened to secretarial/administrative work - in the 19th century, clerical work was utterly respectable and seen as requiring quite a lot of talent and skill (which it still does!) but then along came the typewriter and women entering the field and HEY PRESTO “she’s just some secretary”

at my university, chemical engineering, or chem eng, was often referred to as “fem eng” why? because it’s an exact 50/50 ratio of women to men, which clearly makes it too feminine. in the 70s/80s chemical engineering was one of the most important and hardest engineering fields (plastics! pulp and paper! OIL) but now that there are more women in the field it’s considered an easier field, in comparison to other fields.

for example, i once heard a girl in mech eng list some of the engineering fields in the order she thought was hardest to easiest. you know what it was? electrical, mechanical, chemical. it’s absolutely no surprise that this list is also a handy ordering of fewest women in the field to most women in the field.

AND, another point! this happens the other way around too. computer science related fields used to be dominated by women, which made it not very important (switchboard operators? yup). once men started taking over the field, well that’s when the big money and prestige came in.

The field of anthropology, which is becoming female dominated from what I can see, has been determined to be useless by some. (I’ve even had girls in STEM fields tell me I don’t study a “real science” so how’s about that internalized misogyny for ya) When I was majoring in anthropology, Gov. Rick Scott determined that Florida didn’t need any more anthropologists and wanted to reduce funding to programs and increase funding to STEM programs. While not considered a STEM field, anthropologists have contributed to the research behind STEM programs and provide a wide variety of services to Florida alone. A team of anthropologists created a powerpoint “This is Anthropology" to talk about dozens of programs and services they contribute to in Florida which include healthcare programs, education programs, disaster relief, forensic investigation, environmental programs and conservation efforts, research for fortune 500 businesses, agricultural programs, immigration programs, programs and services for the elderly, etc. I’m also in the field of education, and we’re constantly made out to be overpaid (we’re not) and made out to be incapable of doing our jobs without very strict guidance. 

It’s all very insulting, really. No matter what we study. No matter what we do to earn a living. It will never be good enough.

This happened back when I studied forensics at my first uni - it was probably at least a 60/40 split in favour of women, perhaps closer to 70/30 by the time I left and whilst it was by no means easy, the amount of nonsense from people (not just men but women too) in different classes who weren’t in our forensics modules was ridiculous.

And it happened again at my second uni when I was studying zoology.  I think that class was about 50/50 all the way through, it was hard to tell exactly given module choices and being split into different slots for labs especially in fourth year when I only saw some people at the few actual zoology seminars due to having zero modules matching up with them but there was a lot of shit thrown our way as being a “soft” science.  Which is absolute bullshit because every area of study has things that are easy or difficult but they all vary per person and according to their actual interest and enjoyment of it.  I can take some ribbing between schools at uni, I can take ribbing between different parts of STEM (ie teasing between the med school and basically everyone else because the med school got the fancy buildings and we got the old ancient buildings they were slowly modernising) but wow some people (not just guys but alas, mainly guys) from other parts of the sciences were so gross.  Especially a lot of the physics dudes I shared chem labs with (it’s a requirement at my old uni in life sciences to do biology + chemistry or science fundamentals in your first year and you’re strongly pushed towards chemistry if you have at least passed a higher in it) were really really ‘oh that’s not even a real science subject’.

That’s not even a real science subject.

The life sciences.

And honestly I feel like a lot of this is hitting us in a bad place given the current state of the Earth and the climate, the way were are not being listened to as life scientists when we discuss how we need to change now so we don’t cause even more damage.  Because it’s a “soft” science.  Because there are too many young women involved in it.

51 Pretty Shocking Facts That Make Things Harder For Every Woman You Have Ever Met:

dr-archeville:

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, feminism is “the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.” That’s it. That’s all it is. Some of you might be saying to yourselves, “But don’t feminists want to destroy us all and hate men and eat babies and stuff?” To which I respond: I think you are confusing feminism with Dr. Evil. They aren’t really the same. So here to explain what feminism is really about is the brilliant Laci Green.

We had our fact-checkers fact check the hell out of this, and yes, the math at 2:20 is real. And horrifying. If you can watch this and disagree with more than 10% of it, I’ll be shocked.

Impressively (and depressingly) comprehensive.

We shall never tire of a nalyzing Bong Joon-Ho's Snowpiercer . And now, Nerdwriter has compiled a video breakdown of the film's visual allegories. Watch how the director uses camera angles and colors to perpetuate (or challenge) the driving force of this film. Did you catch all these different layers on your first screening?

Read more...

“

21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You’re Depressed.

A while ago, I penned a fairly angry response to something circulating on the internet – the 21 Habits of Happy People. It pissed me off beyond belief, that there was an inference that if you weren’t Happy, you simply weren’t doing the right things.

I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember. It’s manifested in different ways. I did therapy. I did prozac. I did more therapy. My baseline is melancholic. I’d just made peace with it when I moved, unintentionally, to a place that had markedly less sunshine in the winter. I got seasonal depression. I got that under control. Then I got really, really sick. Turns out it’s a permanent, painful genetic disorder. My last pain-free day was four years ago.

So, this Cult of Happy article just set me off. Just… anger. Rage. Depression is serious – debilitating, often dangerous, and it’s got an enormous stigma. It leaves people to fend for themselves.

It’s bad enough without people ramming Happy Tips at you through facebook. There is no miracle behaviour change that will flip that switch for you. I know, I’ve tried.

A friend of mine suggested that I write something from my point of view because, surprisingly, I manage to give an outwards impression of having my shit together. I was shocked to hear this. And I find this comical, but I see her point. I’m functioning. I’ve adapted. I’m surprisingly okay. I think the medical term is “resilient”.

So, here it is.

My 21 Tips on Keeping Your Shit Together During Depression

1) Know that you’re not alone. Know that we are a silent legion, who, every day face the solipsism and judgement of Happy People Who Think We Just Aren’t Trying. There are people who are depressed, people who have been depressed, and people who just haven’t been hit with it yet.

2) Understand that the Happy People are usually acting out of some genuine (albeit misguided) concern for you, that it’s coming from a good place, even if the advice feels like you’re being blamed for your disease. Telling you these things makes them feel better, even if it makes you feel like shit. (If they insist on keeping it up, see #12.)

3) Enlist the help of a professional. See your doctor. You need to talk about the ugly shit, and there are people paid to listen and help you find your way to the light at the end of the tunnel.

4) Understand that antidepressants will only do so much. They’re useful, they’ll level you out and give you the time you need to figure out your own path to getting well. They can be helpful. There are lots to choose from. They may not be for you, and even if they are, they take some time to kick in. Conversely, they may not be for you. Work with your doctor.

5) Pick up a paintbrush, a pencil, an activity you got joy from in the past and re-explore that. Or, sign up for the thing you always wanted to try. There is a long history and link between depression and creativity. It’s a bright light of this condition, so utilize it to your best advantage.

6) Eat nutritionally sound, regular small meals. If you’re having trouble eating, try to focus on what you’d like to eat. I went through a whole six week episode of tomatoes and cream cheese on a bagel twice a day. Not great, but it was something – helpful context, I’m a recovered anorexic. Conversely, if all you want to do is scarf down crap, try to off-ramp it by downing a V-8 and doing #9 for 15 minutes, and see how you feel. Chucking your blood sugar all over hell’s half acre is going to make you feel worse.

7) While you’re doing #3, get some bloodwork done. If you’re low on iron or vitamin D, or if your hormone levels are doing the Macarena… these can all contribute to zapping your energy or switching your mood to Bleak As Hell.

8) If you’re in bed and the “insomnia hamsters”, as I like to call them, are on the wheel of your head, watch Nightly Business News on PBS. This has the effect of Nyquil. Swap out your coffee for herbal tea. If you just cannot sleep, try the next tip….

9) Learn how to meditate. Start by focusing on your breathing. Not sleep, not thoughts. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Meditation is focusing on being present in your body, not careening around in your brain. It may not be as good as sleep but it will give you some rest and recharge you.

10) Face a window as often as you can – at work, at home. Look out into the world. Watch. Observe. Try to find something you find pretty or interesting to focus on. And, handily remember that one in five of those people out there feel the way you do.

11) Cry. Better out than in. Sometimes it’s not convenient or career-enhancing to cry, so find a private place as best you can and let the tears go. Carry Kleenex and face wipes and extra concealer if you wear makeup. You can always claim allergies.

12) Any “friend” who resolutely believes that your depression is because you’re lazy, because you’re not trying hard enough, who blames you for not bootstrapping out of it- that friend needs to be cut off. Polite (#2) is one thing, but there is a limit. You don’t have to explain, you can just not respond. You feel badly enough, you don’t need their “assistance”.

13) Limit your time with people who drain you. You know who they are. Often you don’t have a choice- but you can put the meter on. And, subsequently, be aware of what you’re asking of those close to you.

14) Everyone has shit they’ve got to deal with. What you have been saddled with is your shit. Recognize, just as you’re not alone, you’re also not unique. The grass may look greener, you may be jealous or envious of others who don’t have to deal with depression, but you likely do not know everything that’s going on with them.

15) Let go or be dragged. This is an old Buddhist saying. It’s a very useful way to frame aspects of depression. Betrayal, anger, fear… letting go is a process – often a painful and difficult process - but it’s ultimately going to show you the path out of this terrible place. Repeating the mantra can help when you’re feeling gripped by these feelings.

16) Wear clothes that make you feel confident. It takes as much time to put on nice clothes as it does to put on sweatpants. You will want to wear the sweatpants. Fight the urge. The whole “look good/feel better” campaign isn’t limited to cancer and chemotherapy. Or women.

17) Avoid fictional drama and tragedy like the plague. No Grey’s Anatomy, no to The Notebook, or anything that won a Pulitzer prize. You’ve got enough going on In Real Life. Comedy only. Or trashy stuff. Old episodes of WonderWoman? I’ve got the box set. Mindless drivel, like the latest CGI blockbuster. Or clever, funny books. David Sedaris. Jenny Lawson. Fiction exists to elicit emotion, and the emotion you need to express most right now is laughter.

18) Simple exercise, if you can. It can be something as simple as taking the stairs up a flight, or walking around the block. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, it doesn’t have to involve climbing a mountain or running a marathon. Baby steps.

19) Depression will lie to you. Depression will try to tell you what others are thinking. That you are unloved and unworthy, that others think little of you or don’t care – or even wish you harm. You are not a psychic. Keep repeating that. “I am not a psychic”. Repeat. The only way to know what another person is thinking is to up and ask them.

20) If you are well and truly losing this battle, reach out to someone. I’ve been the random friendly-but-not-close person who has fielded the occasional outreach. I like to think I’m not judgemental and generally resourceful, and others have thought the same, so they called and asked. You know someone like me. And they will help you.

21) Forgive yourself. I’m writing out all these tips, and I can’t always muster the strength to even stick my nose outside, or walk up the stairs, or eat my vegetables. Today, I got outside for ten minutes. I will try again tomorrow. And I will try again the day after that.

”

- http://www.diycouturier.com/post/47249603128/21-tips-to-keep-your-shit-together-when-youre (via jessiawesome)

While old, Windows 95 Tips, Tricks, and Tweaks is amazing. Made by Neil Cicierega, it's such a good idea, we'd love to see a movie with the plot of a computer with Windows 95, stored in the attic, developing sentience, and going insane. Someone make this.

Read more...

 
Another May Day related post, comrades!

Albert Einstein’s famous essay on socialism was originally published in the first issue of Monthly Review in May 1949. It’s as relevant in 2014 as it was then, perhaps—

Broken Mirror/Evening Sky is a series of images by New York photographer Bing Wright who captured the reflections of sunsets on shattered mirrors. The final prints are displayed quite large, measuring nearly 4′ across by 6′ tall, creating what I can only imagine to be the appearance of stained glass windows. The series was on view early this year at Paula Cooper Gallery where you can learn more about the works, and you can see more on Wright’s website. (via Found Inspiration Moving Forward)

“Don’t ever compliment me by insulting other women. That’s not a compliment, it’s a competition none of us agreed to.”

-

jaythenerdkid (via escapedgoat)

"it’s a competition none of us agreed to"  I want to give the author of this quote the hardest dap ever. 

(via dynastylnoire)

You know that unnerving feeling that things don't quite look right when the lights are out? What happens when that feeling is more than your imagination?

Read more...

aspeckamongdots:

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard at a gif set in 6 years of tumbling

“I wanted to put a reference to masturbation in one of the scripts for the Sandman. It was immediately cut by the editor. She told me, “There’s no masturbation in the DC Universe.” To which my reaction was, “Well that explains a lot about the DC Universe.””

-

Neil Gaiman, flawless human being (via worldwarlove)

I refuse to believe this is true because Batman is a huge jerkoff

(via ohmygil)

slackeremeritus:

floranna2:

errors-dot-albi:

thegoddamazon:

fipindustries:

incognitomoustache:

catbountry:

nerdgerhl:

wondygirl:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

mcstack:

kumeko:

Oh Billy, you look so small right there…

Superman’s sheer anger over Billy Batson’s situation is a sight to behold. Batman and Robin get away with it because he knows it’s the world’s best internship and that Bruce is willing to put out all the stops to protect him. But Billy? He doesn’t have anyone looking out for him. And that pisses off Superman more than anything.

Seriously, Clark’s face here

He is ready to kick the ass of whoever put this boy in this situation SO HARD

Next page he really lets the Wizard Shazam have it.

Shit, son. I might have to buy this book for those last two panels alone.

When Superman is written well he is an amazing goddamned character.

these few pages are some of my favourite in comic book history. So good. For anyone wondering what the next few pages look like, here you go:

This is a bigger deal than some of you might think, because Superman is one of the heroes in the DC Universe who keeps his secret identity pretty damn secret, because as probably the most powerful and influential person on earth, a lot of people do not wish him well - and would jump at the chance to hold people dear to him as leverage.

Yet, he trusts this poor, scared little kid. To comfort him, and entrust him with his biggest secret - just as Billy did for him.

Superman is just really important, ok?

this for people to truly understand superman

This is why I love Supes.

scenes like this make me wonder why the hell I’m not into comics more

What comicbook is this? I WANT IT!!!!

This storyline takes place in the Superman/Shazam: First Thunder miniseries, published in 2006.

Such a favorite.

driftingfocus:

anogoodrabblerouser:

disquietingtruths:

universalequalityisinevitable:

Robert Sapolsky about his study of the Keekorok baboon troop from National Geographic’s Stress: Portrait of a Killer.

Thiiiiiiis, people, thiiiis!

1. Kill alpha male types
2. Achieve world peace

Got it.

I’ve actually read a lot of Sapolsky’s work.  He’s one of my favorite scientists in the neuro/socio world.

madam-cj-says-relax:

Omfg

Source?

grawlyx666:

It’s good to know there are some good people left in the world…

plant-strong:

Scooby Doo has great life lessons to teach:

If something evil is happening, it’s probably an old white man trying to make money.

npr:

Back in the 1960s, the U.S. started vaccinating kids for measles. As expected, children stopped getting measles.

But something else happened.

Childhood deaths from all infectious diseases plummeted. Even deaths from diseases like pneumonia and diarrhea were cut by half.

“So it’s really been a mystery — why do children stop dying at such high rates from all these different infections following introduction of the measles vaccine,” says Michael Mina, a postdoc in biology at Princeton University and a medical student at Emory University.

Scientists Crack A 50-Year-Old Mystery About The Measles Vaccine

Photo credit: Photofusion/UIG via Getty Images