Mahmoud

And if you can tell me what the Qingdao Metro slogan means, and how they got it out of 千帆竞发， I’ll give you an imaginary prize.

“What would they call you now, Doctor Behind Bars?” the prison guard asks.

“No,” you tell him. “They took away my license to practice when my wife overdosed at one of the OxyContin parties I threw monthly using my own prescription pad. So now it’s just Mister Party.”

“Mister Party? Seriously?”

“I’m not going to change my last name just because Karen couldn’t handle her shit.”

The prison guard processes your paperwork and you’re released on parole after a 12-year sentence. You take a few steps into freedom and get the urge to turn around and run back inside. Everyone’s door was wide open when you were Doctor Party. But without a prescription pad, Mister Party has nowhere to go.

Happy They Used To Call You Doctor Party Day!

A picture album on Weibo account has lead to much netizen discussion. A man in Xi’an at the entrance to his school arranged candles in order to make the girl he desired express her feelings for him but unfortunately the girl didn’t arrive before an elderly woman took a fire extinguisher and sprayed out his candle display. The top comment said “you should put more thought into you schoolwork, putting your parents’ money into this business… isn’t that letting your parents down? After after you graduate when you want to start dating nobody’s going to notice you!” Another netizen said to get serious with his studying, and not to take the student fees his parents pay and waste it on candles.

Source: qq

only two comics into the new year and i hit you with preaching! ha! strap in for 2016

As Sisters prepares to go head-to-head with Star Wars: The Force Awakens at the box office this weekend, Paramount has dropped the first trailer for Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Tina Fey leads the war comedy about a journalist sent to Afghanistan on assignment. Initially out of her element, she adjusts to the wild, adrenaline-fueled atmosphere.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is based on the memoir by former Chicago Tribune reporter Kim Barker, and directed by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa (Crazy, Stupid, Love.) Also starring are Margot Robbie, Martin Freeman, Billy Bob Thornton, Alfred Molina, and Christopher Abbott also star. Hit the jump to see the Whiskey Tango Foxtrot trailer.

In an interview with USA Today (which debuted the photos above), Fey noted what an unusual experience Whiskey Tango Foxtrot was for her. “For me to get to do a movie where I fly in helicopters and shoot guns and run from explosions, that’s a treat,” she said. “I don’t get to do any of those things on a daily basis.”

The decision to cast Abbott and Molina as Middle Easterners seems questionable, but overall there’s a lot to love about this cast. Robbie plays a British journalist who befriends Kim and, as we see in the trailer above, teaches her the meaning of “Kabul cute.” “[It’s] the idea when a regular normal-looking woman goes into a place where there aren’t very many women,” Fey explained. “She becomes a real object of desire in a way that is hopefully comical.”

In particular, sparks fly between Kim and Iain MacKelpie, a Scottish war photographer played by Freeman. Molina’s character, a local official, also has a thing for Kim, “and doesn’t have the best boundaries with that,” said Fey. Rounding out the cast is Thornton as a military general.

The film aims to strike a balance between the humor and the drama of the situation, and the first trailer is likable enough thanks mostly to Fey and Robbie. But so far it looks more like a war-themed Eat Pray Love than anything else — as one character says, “That’s the most American white lady story I’ve ever heard.” Hopefully the next trailer will have a little more depth to it.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot arrives in theaters March 4, 2016.

The post ‘Whiskey Tango Foxtrot’ Trailer: Tina Fey Heads to Afghanistan appeared first on /Film.

AaronW writes: A 12-year-old Sikh boy in Dallas, Texas was accused by another student of bringing a bomb to school. Apparently he had a powerbag; a backpack with a built-in phone charger. Rather than send him to the principal's office or ask for an explanation, the teacher instead called the police, who promptly arrested him and threw him into a juvenile detention center for three days. The school promptly suspended Armaan, and the police released him after three days but required that he wear an ankle bracelet. Verifiable details are scant, for this case — probably because the whole thing seems to revolve around some 12-year-old kids talking to each other. Armaan's story is that another student said his bag looked like it had a bomb in it, and that he would report it. Believing it to be a joke, Armaan laughed. The police say he "admitted" to joking about a bomb, and they insist their actions were justified. A school district spokesman says the family was notified, but the parents say they had to dial 911 to find somebody who could tell them where their son was being held.

Read more of this story at Slashdot.

schwit1 sends in a story from Bloomberg pointing out that the rigid adherence to traffic laws and overcautious programming have caused self-driving cars to rack up a crash rate twice that of an average human driver. "This may sound like the right way to program a robot to drive a car, but good luck trying to merge onto a chaotic, jam-packed highway with traffic flying along well above the speed limit. It tends not to work out well. As the accidents have piled up — all minor scrape-ups for now — the arguments among programmers at places like Google and Carnegie Mellon University are heating up: Should they teach the cars how to commit infractions from time to time to stay out of trouble?" While the autonomous vehicles aren't at fault in these crashes, their relative unpredictability on the road are nonetheless leading to more accidents than expected.

Read more of this story at Slashdot.

Hovertext: Anything I don't understand explains everything I don't understand.

New comic!
Today's News:

It begins.

 

A short film starring Tim Heidecker.

ColdWetDog writes: Co.Design has an article by two early Apple designers on how the company has lost its way, and quite frankly, lost its marbles when it comes to user interface design. In the search for a minimalist, clean design, it has forgotten time honored UI principles and made it harder for people to use Apple products. As someone who has followed computer UI evolution since the command line and who has used various Apple products for a number of years, the designers' concerns really hit home for me. Of course, Apple isn't the only company out there who makes UI mistakes. And it is notable that the article has totally annoying, unstoppable GIFs that do nothing to improve understanding. User Interfaces are hard, but it would be nice to have everybody take a few steps back from the precipice.

Read more of this story at Slashdot.

Childrens Hospital season seven premieres on Friday, January 22nd at 11pm E/P on Adult Swim.

Watch Full Episodes: http://asw.im/9bSC6k

SUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/AdultSwimSubscribe

About Childrens Hospital:
Childrens Hospital is Adult Swim's pediatric drama/comedy that harnesses the healing power of laughter for medicinal purposes. From the mind of Rob Corddry, this show within a show boasts a cast of comedy veterans including: Henry Winkler, Megan Mullally, Rob Huebel, Erinn Haynes, and Malin Akerman. This show parodies all the great medical dramas that we can't name here for legal reasons, but you know the ones. See more of the best team of doctors in Brazil at AdultSwim.com. Because they're obviously in Brazil.

Watch Childrens Hospital: http://bit.ly/ChldrensHospital

About Adult Swim:
Adult Swim is your late-night home for animation and live-action comedy. Enjoy some of your favorite shows, including Robot Chicken, Venture Bros., Tim and Eric, Aqua Teen, Childrens Hospital, Delocated, Metalocalypse, Squidbillies, and more. Watch some playlists. Fast forward, rewind, pause. It's all here. And remember to visit AdultSwim.com for all your full episode needs. We know you wouldn't forget, but it never hurts to make sure.

Connect with Adult Swim Online:
Visit Adult Swim WEBSITE: http://bit.ly/ASWebsite
Like Adult Swim on FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/ASFacebook
Follow Adult Swim on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/ASTweet

Childrens Hospital Season 7 Trailer | Childrens Hospital | Adult Swim
http://www.youtube.com/user/adultswim

Originally published on the Hatnote blog.

Moreso than any other major site, Wikipedia is centered around knowledge, always growing, and brimming with information. It's important to remember that the insight of our favorite community-run encyclopedia often follows the focus of its massive readership. Here at Hatnote, we've often wondered, what great new topics is the community learning about now?

To shed more light on Wikipedia's reading habits, we're pleased to announce the newest addition to the Hatnote family: The Hatnote Top 100, available at top.hatnote.com. Because we can't pass up a good headwear-based pun.

Updated daily, the Top 100 is a chart of the most-visited articles on Wikipedia. Unlike the edit-oriented Listen to Wikipedia and Weeklypedia, Top 100 focuses on the biggest group of Wikipedia users: the readers. Nearly 20 billion times per month, around 500 million people read articles in over 200 languages. Top 100's daily statistics offer a window into where Wikipedia readers are focusing their attention. It also makes for a great way to discover great chapters of Wikipedia one wouldn't normally read or edit.

Clear rankings, day-to-day differences, social media integration, permalinks, and other familiar simple-but-critical features were designed to make popular Wikipedia articles as relatable as albums on a pop music chart. In practice, popular news stories and celebrities definitely make the Top 100, but it is satisfying to see interesting corners of history and other educational topic sharing, if not dominating, the spotlight.

In addition to a clear and readable report, Top 100 is also a machine-readable archive, with reports dating back to November 2015, including JSON versions of the metrics, as well as RSS feeds for all supported languages and projects. It's all available in over a dozen languages (and we take requests for more). The data comes from a variety of sources, most direct from Wikimedia, including a new pageview statistics API endpoint that we've been proud to pilot and continue to use. And yes, as with all our projects the code is open-source, too.

For those of you looking to dig deeper than Wikipedia chart toppers, there are several other activity-based projects worth mentioning:

• stats.grok.se - The original, venerable pageview grapher and API
• Wikimedia Report Card - Advanced metrics and data used by the Wikimedia Foundation
• The Open Wikipedia Ranking - Traffic stats and more
• @WikipediaTrends - A bot posting notable upward traffic spikes
• The Top 25 Report - A manually-compiled weekly report of views and likely reasons
• The Weeklypedia - Weekly edit statistics, emailed and archived by Hatnote

And there are other visualizations on seealso.org as well. But for those who like to keep it simple, hit up the Hatnote Top 100, subscribe to a feed, and/or follow us on Twitter. See you there!

---

NEW CRUDBUMP ALBUM!!! Listen to 14 new CRUDBUMP songs and download them here.

New comic!
Today's News:

All photos courtesy The Elephants & Bees Project / Lucy King

When trying to protect farms in east Africa from elephants, it would seem that nothing short of a giant reinforced fence or a chasmic ditch could safely keep the largest land animals on Earth away without causing harm. Unfortunately, building such barriers around every field is impractical, and the interactions of people protecting their crops frequently leads to accidents or even death of both farmers and elephants. But zoologist Lucy King had a much smaller idea: bees.

It turns out elephants are terrified of bees because when the insects sting the inside of their trunks the pain is excruciating and there’s little they can do about it. The sound of buzzing alone is enough to make elephants leave an area immediately. King wondered what might happen if a string of suspended beehives at every 10 meters around a field might be enough to keep elephants away. A pilot program in 2009 proved widely successful and soon The Elephant and Bees Project was born.

There are now active beehive fences in Kenya, Botswana, Mozambique, Tanzania, Uganda, and Sri Lanka. Not only do the fences help pollinate crops and safely deter elephants, they also become an additional revenue stream for farmers who harvest honey and sell it locally, a fascinating example of interspecies landscape engineering.

The Elephant and Bees Project is currently trying to raise funds to greatly expand the program. You can make a donation here. (via Neatorama, Nag on the Lake)

The Worst Things For Sale is Drew's blog. It updates every day. Subscribe to the Worst Things For Sale RSS!

TODAYS @DREWTOOTHPASTE: Employment Will Be Terminated

Hovertext: If anyone makes fun of your necklace, you just tell them PH'NGLUI MGLW'NAFH CTHULHU R'LYEH WGAH'NAGL FHTAGN

New comic!
Today's News:

Last day to submit for BAHFest London! 

When a multi-billionaire puts out a press release saying that eventually they will transfer all-but-a-billion-or-so into a "charitable foundation" that they also completely control, that is not a donation, that is just moving your money from one bank account to another! And it's not even that, it's claiming that he's fixin' to get ready to do that some day.

I've even seen people saying, "I feel better about using Facebook now!" Fuck you.

This is just how billionaires launder money. It buys you good press and also gives you great opportunities to hand out million-a-year management salaries and board positions to your lesser cronies.

Save your applause for when he's actually built a desalinization plant or something, rather than being one of the primary drivers of the Public-Private Surveillance Partnership.

Previously, previously, previously.

An anonymous reader writes: Back in September, members of Google's Project Zero team found a pair of flaws in the TrueCrypt disk encryption software that could lead to a system compromise. Their discovery raised concerns that TrueCrypt was unsuitable for use in securing sensitive data. However, the Fraunhofer Institute went ahead with a full audit of TrueCrypt's code, and they found it to be more secure than most people think. They correctly point out that for an attacker to exploit the earlier vulnerabilities (and a couple more vulnerabilities they found themselves), the attacker would already need to have "far-reaching access to the system," with which they could do far worse things than exploit an obscure vulnerability. The auditors say, "It does not seem apparent to many people that TrueCrypt is inherently not suitable to protect encrypted data against attackers who can repeatedly access the running system. This is because when a TrueCrypt volume is mounted its data is generally accessible through the file system, and with repeated access one can install key loggers etc. to get hold of the key material in many situations. Only when unmounted, and no key is kept in memory, can a TrueCrypt volume really be secure." For other uses, the software "does what it's designed for," despite its code flaws. Their detailed, 77-page report (PDF) goes into further detail.

Read more of this story at Slashdot.

It’s all over the papers.

“Beloved Actor OD’s On Jennifer’s Drugs.”

You try to go about your day but everyone knows. When you drop your daughter off at day care, the other moms are glaring at you.

“Thanks for making movies suck more, Jennifer,” the Day Care Administrator says as she leads your daughter inside.

At the supermarket, the deli guy goes over the quarter pound of ham that you requested.

“Oh I’m sorry,” he says sarcastically. “But then again, you’re no stranger to giving people more than they can handle.”

When you get home your husband is waiting with his bags packed,

“I can’t stay here,” he says. “I loved that one movie he was in with the horse. Now there’ll never be a sequel, because of your drugs.”

You ask him what he’ll live off of.

“I’ll get a job. I don’t wanna live off your drug money.”

You ask what about his daughter.

“Keep her,” he says. “She was raised on drug money.”

Just to get him started, you give him $500,000 in drug money and send him on his way.

“I respect your decision,” you say.

The next day your secretary has lots of messages for you.

“Lots of people want to buy our drugs!” she says. “They think if it killed that one actor it must be good drugs.”

You hire more people, which stimulates the economy and gets you praise in the news as a job creator.

“That worked out,” you say out loud to no one and nothing.

Happy You Sold The Drugs That A Beloved Actor OD’d On Day!

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Filmed in Montreal, Quebec

From my Wexin (WeChat) the other day:

Woman 1: [shares photo]

Woman 2: “Hey, your face is fatter than it used to be, you should pay attention to control how much you eat so you can lose weight.”

Woman 1: “Haha, that’s because I’m the farthest in front. I sacrificed myself! You’re both behind me.”

Chinese (and other cultures) can be incredibly blunt by North American standards. Particularly when it comes to bodies and physical appearance. Or: North Americans are hyper-sensitive about their bodies (probably because we’re raised in a photoshop-saturated media culture, we’re taught to have very thin skin and feel entitled to society’s affirmation, and neo-platonic dualism is a major formative element in our general worldview). While Chinese may ultimately rate somewhere on the “insensitive” side of a global scale, they’re closer to the majority-world norm than we are when it comes to talk about appearance.

Jessica has an endless supply of funny-but-painful anecdotes like this.