Hpecker

The Greatest Wrestler From Each State

“Michael Simmons: “If a female student got drunk and had her car stolen the university would call the police. If she got drunk and had her computer stolen, they would call the police. If she got drunk and had her phone stolen, they would call the police. The fact that she was drunk would not even be factored in when assessing if a crime had been committed. But if she gets drunk and has her body invaded and her humanity stolen, school administrations are perplexed about what to do.””

- International Human Rights Activist Michael Simmons offered these words (via Facebook) in response to the May 3, 2014 New York Times’ “Fight Against Sex Assaults Holds Colleges to Account” article. (via kenyabenyagurl)

destroyroxy:

Sweet dreams are made of bees

Who am I to-oh god, bees!

I look to the sky and there’s only bees

Everybody’s looking for bug spray

fleshsuppers:

please, netflix, i’m not interested in a catholic parks are rec spinoff

meetingboy:

The New York Times

1. Paid Jill Abramson $84K less than the man she replaced.
2. Fired her for being pushy when she figured it out.
3. Claims they’re not related.

Seriously

read the rest at MeetingBoy.com

perftag:

oh u “LOVE” ur newborn child???? name 3 of their albums lmfao

thisgingerisonfire:

charliemikevictortango417:

xamhx:

FUCK YEAH, SAVE THE EAGLES!

FUCKING THIS OH MY GOD.

THIS FUCKING GUY IS ON POINT.

bencrowther:

This machine allows anyone to work for minimum wage for as long as they like. Turning the crank on the side releases one penny every 4.97 seconds, for a total of $7.25 per hour. This corresponds to minimum wage for a person in New York. This piece is brilliant on multiple levels, particularly as social commentary. Without a doubt, most people who started operating the machine for fun would quickly grow disheartened and stop when realizing just how little they’re earning by turning this mindless crank. A person would then conceivably realize that this is what nearly two million people in the United States do every day…at much harder jobs than turning a crank. This turns the piece into a simple, yet effective argument for raising the minimum wage.

yutoube:

boy, i sure enjoy watching sports. when they throw the ball? classic

I had a corporate client, and my primary contact there wanted an autotab feature on the username field for login (one that moved onto the next field in a submission form when you have entered the required number of characters).

When I explained that the username fields was a variable length and that there was no way of knowing if the user was “ABC123” or “ABC12345,” my client contact stared back at me asked why that was an issue because "it should just know."

This same person logged a “major” security issue a few weeks later when she realized that, if she left her computer and someone else sat down, they could access her account from that computer. Her reasoning was that “It should just know that it’s me on the keyboard.”

The kicker she was the head of testing for our client

Like, all of them, together, right now? Impossible to coordinate.

mykicks:

I saw this headline and for some reason thought it would be Mike Tyson fondly remembering chicken nuggets he bought at Sam’s Club.

oh shit like from that movie

This week on Bad Decision Bingo: Pizza

To all the idiots who write in whining about how I’m not nice enough to racists, that is exactly how you sound to me all the goddamn time.

Exclusive comic at The Nib this week!

There should be a restaurant called “Last Meal” that’s built like a prison, complete with a long walk in handcuffs to the register at the end. The general public likes eating in prisons, right??

As an aside, here’s a routine reminder you can always get your fix of ASP by checking out our tweets, going “internet steady” by liking us on Facebook, or subscribing to our YouTube channel. We try to make it as convenient as possible for you to get utterly sick of us.

Also you might be seeing ASP in other places, such as a few of our comics turned into shorts on the Comedy Central show Triptank, collections of our strips featured on Buzzfeed, and also translated comics printed in the Czech edition of Maxim Magazine. Yeah, that last one surprises us too.

This could be us but you playin

*Typo fixed

thebluejaybook:

librarydoll:

digg:

Literally life changing.

This is important.

Doctor Who: 15 days, 16 hours

horseingaboutt:

browbands:

"look at my entire horse"

Still one of the best photo and captions on Tumblr.

To make a long story short, I was doing some work for a client that required me to be at their home for a few hours.

Client: I’m sorry I was unable to tell you this until now, but I just realized I have a meeting I have to go to now. I’ll be back in an hour, will that be okay?

Me: Sure, I won’t be done for about another two hours anyway.

The client left, and about half an hour later, I heard a strange sound coming from down the hall. Normally, I don’t wander around the client’s house, but the noise didn’t sound like an appliance. I went down the hall and into the room. There was a baby that had just woken up and was crying. I was confused and, finding a bottle next to the crib, gave it the bottle. My client returned half an hour later.

Client: Hey, did you finish yet?

Me: Er, almost - did you know you left a baby unattended in your house for the last hour?

Client: Of course! I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to scare you with having to watch him.

She knew I’m a father of three.