Hpecker

Biologist F.W. Went points out that the physical size of human beings was a critical factor in their mastery of fire. Any flame must maintain a certain size in order to sustain the ignition temperature of its fuel, and a wood or coal fire in particular radiates so much heat that it must maintain a fairly large critical mass in order to keep burning; a small fire will go out.

“Interestingly enough,” Went writes, “a wood or coal fire above the critical size produces just the right amount of heat to warm man in a cave, or a room, or a camping site. But ants or small rodents would have to keep too far away to make a fire economical, or rather, they would be unable to bring up enough wood to keep the fire going. Therefore in an ant society fire is not an economical possibility, and they have developed without its benefits, by operating only while outside temperatures are within the physiological range. Man on the other hand has been able to move into very cold areas by using fire.”

“Man, with his remarkable brain, developed the use of fire, but … only a creature of man’s size could effectively control that fire,” writes Peter S. Stevens in Patterns in Nature (1974). “It happens that a small campfire is the smallest fire that is reliable and controllable. A still smaller flame is too easily snuffed out and a larger one too easily gets out of control. Prometheus was just large enough to feed the flames and to keep from getting burnt.”

(F.W. Went, “The Size of Man,” American Scientist, 56:4 [Winter 1968], 400-413.)

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First off, for my mom that will read this comic, please don’t ask me about this one. But here’s a link to a definition of Netflix and chill, so you don’t have to ask me about it.

Hovertext: Thank you for browsing this funnybook on the Galactic Network.

If you want to come to BAHFest London's Evolution show, you must buy online tonight by midnight! There will be no tickets at the door! 

5 vape pens, equally spaced while pinched between the teeth.

If you think about it, hating Kanye West but having him still exist is one of the worst struggles the White Community has to struggle with.

Where you come down on this matter will tell you exactly where you are as a human being on the piece of shit scale.

Violence is wrong, but the key is head movement, speed, and not over-committing your weight when you throw your hands.

Yeah, bigots always think yelling at them is about them, rather than letting everyone else around know that bigotry is not fucking acceptable.

Hovertext: Curse you, Mrs. Jenkins!

Come see me at BAHFest London! Along with Ed Yong, Simon Singh, Zoe Margolis, and more!! 

Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens (2015)

Synopsis. Decades after the Empire’s defeat, a new band of Rebels must stop the Empire from doing the same thing again.

Tagline. What Awakens? It is the Force.

Promotional tie-in. Everything looks better from a Kia Sorento. Star Wars in theaters December 18th.

Trivia

• This is director J.J. Abrams’ third Star Trek film.
• To prevent plot points from being leaked, each scene in The Force Awakens was completely improvised.
• Visual effects specialists pored over thousands of hours of footage and reference photos in order to meticulously reconstruct an accurate Harrison Ford.
• Perhaps overreacting to criticism of his earlier movies, Abrams took extreme precautions to ensure that no light sources would create lens flares on camera. This was achieved by shooting the entirety of The Force Awakens in total darkness with night-vision optics, and then digitally coloring the scenes in post.
• Director’s trademark. 3D silver letters, in Futura, that permanently hover near all characters and locations displaying their names.
• Carrie Fisher reprises her role as Metal Bikini Woman, whom faithful Star Wars fans know from being licked by the Crime Worm.

Mistakes

• The Millennium Falcon changes scale throughout the movie. This is most glaringly noticeable when the Star Destroyer tractors the Falcon into its cargo bay, and the Falcon retaliates by tractoring the Star Destroyer into its own cargo bay.
• Han Solo refers to this as a “Mexican tractor-beam standoff.” Mexico does not exist yet.
• Rey (Daisy Ridley) is stalked throughout the movie by a metal orange ball that sometimes makes noises. This is never addressed by any character.
• Continuity. The movie opens with an aged Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill in a single-line cameo) saying “If you guys need anything, I’ll be here next to this tree.” When he motions to give a thumbs-up, his hand is being chopped off by Darth Vader.
• The planet of Alderaan “finally having recuperated” seems inconsistent with the events of A New Hope. 
• Incorrectly regarded as goof. When Han shaves Chewbacca’s back, a second Chewbacca face is inexplicably revealed beneath the fur. However, this may just be a previously unknown trait of Wookiee physiology.
• On set, actor John Boyega couldn’t help but shout “bang” each time he fired a blaster. The production team was forced to make all blaster fire sound like John Boyega saying “bang.”
• Equipment gaffe. Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) can occasionally be seen consulting the back of a Kylo Ren action figure box before delivering dialogue.
• No explanation is given for Finn and Kylo to lightsaber-fight using just the tips.
• During the First Order assembly, George Lucas can be clearly seen wandering forlornly through the rows of stormtroopers.

Memorable Quotes

Rey. Garbage! Garbage for sale.
Garbago. I’ll buy some of your garbage. This garbage is very good.
Rey. I wish I had a bigger destiny to fulfill.

Han Solo. We’re all getting old, pal.
Chewbacca. Raaaawr.
Han Solo. It’s not the years, Chewie… it’s the parsecs. (five-second-long wry smile directly into camera) (fade to slow panning closeup of Solo’s face as he grins and knowingly nods) (faint overlay of fedora and coiled whip) (music swells as John Williams’ Han and Leia theme gently incorporates Raiders March)

Kylo Ren. We Sith will rebuild and take what is ours. Soon the galaxy will know the power of the Dark Side once more. Senator Bimbambanoonoo, ready the Trade Federation gleepgheeps.

C-3PO. Oh my! It is so good to see you again, my friend!
R2-D2. (beeps and whistles)
C-3PO. My databanks may be faulty, but I will never forget that night.
R2-D2. (oohs)
C-3PO. R2, you’re incorrigable! Not here during General Leia’s briefing!
R2-D2. (beeps and whistles)
C-3PO. (servo motor noises)
R2-D2. (servo motor noises)

Finn. It doesn’t make any sense for me to be here. Stormtroopers are supposed to be white. Just more SJW bullshit.

Read more Saw It For You entries

Sylvester Stallone was the most deserving actor that came out of CREED, I guess. Sur-fucking-prise.

In 1924, as today, it was troublesome and embarrassing to have to excuse your way down a row of theater patrons to get to your seat. Massachusetts inventor Louis Duprey offered this improvement: The whole auditorium is built atop a “loading compartment” where each patron can take his seat, which is then raised on a giant plunger into the theater.

During a performance, any seat occupant may depart by merely turning the handpiece, causing the seat to be lowered into the lobby or loading compartment, and in like manner he may again re-enter the auditorium without in any wise disturbing, or interfering with the view of, other patrons.

A side benefit is that “in case of fire or other panic” all the seats can be lowered into the loading chamber, which is fireproof and designed to accommodate an orderly mass exit. You can even retrieve your hat from the underside of the trapdoor as you take your leave.

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An attractive woman approaches Sylvester in a bar. She has a proposition: For a single payment of £50, he can have a passionate weeklong holiday with her in Nice. Everything else is covered: travel tickets, a first-class hotel, and her attentions. There’s one further condition. She’ll shortly say something important, which we’ll call the “key.” If the key is true, then she keeps the £50 and Sylvester gets the holiday at no further cost, as explained. If the key is false, then Sylvester must accept the £50 back, but he still gets the week’s holiday with her for free.

“How can he lose?” asks Peter Cave in How to Think Like a Bat (2011). “Either way, with regard to whether the key is true or not, he is bound to have the splendid trip and the passion. At worst, it costs him a mere £50.” He gives her the £50, and she gives him the key:

Either I shall return the £50 or you will pay me £1 million.

For an either/or statement to be false, both elements must be false. So for the key above to be false, the woman must not return the £50. But under the agreement she must. So this yields a contradiction, whether or not Sylvester pays her £1 million; the key cannot be false. On the other hand, if the key is true, then the agreement requires that she keep the £50 … which means that he must pay her £1 million.

“Once we have contradictions involved in conditions,” writes Cave, “we may find ourselves trapped into all manner of things.”

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I think as long as police are shooting black kids on sight for holding toy guns in FUCKING OPEN CARRY STATES, racists and the NRA (I know, I know, almost 100% overlap) are just going to be for more guns in everywhere.

Hovertext: All other axiomatic systems shall be referred to as The Systems of Darkness.

it doesn’t matter how much security you have, how many guards, what kind of protection

he gets inside.

“getting apprehended and prosecuted” did not fit legibly on the front of the costume

let’s be clear, that guy is not getting some kind of groundhog day-esque do-over. he is alive in a dead, still 2015 — silent and eternal, like a tomb. “happy new year,” he screams to the gray-litten planes of expiry. he will bleat these words, forever too late, until they become pointless sounds that catch in his throat, dry and guttural, as void of purpose and meaning as his once-familiar surroundings. indeed, as he himself.

but let us not dwell on such things, friends. another glass of champagne for us: those who escaped

only two comics into the new year and i hit you with preaching! ha! strap in for 2016

official police stance: “we weren’t gonna solve this one, so figured might as well have some fun with it”

Hovertext: Please stick to the original plan, which you were going to stick to anyway. Amen.

With the new year, tickets are zooming for BAHFest London. If you want a seat, please book in the next two weeks or so. 

“ha! i figured it out, sinner. i will let you into heaven after all — because to you, that would really be eternal punishment oh wait oh hmm”