THANKGODYOUREHERE

It seems like we hear about a new e-commerce subscription service every week–so at this point in the game, it takes something a little more scandalous to catch our attention. Enter Sexy Box! Yes, Sexy Box. Go ahead, try to saying it without laughing. (I personally cannot.)

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Bill Watterson, the Salinger-esque creator of what still may be the most popular comic strip in the United States even 18 years after it ended, does not appear in this trailer. For all we know, Calvin & Hobbes' artist will only communicate with the audience as he has for the past 30 or so years: by letting his work speak for itself.

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Remember when people were doing pouty duck lips? In Japan, the pouty-faced look has evolved. The result is "Sparrow Face."

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Of course the metalheads would be into it!

Rock on, rock on always.

well… well first off, i’d say, seek professional help immediately. because i am wildly unqualified to answer your question with anything but experience. and first off, my experience says, if you are in such a deep and dark place where you say things like this to total strangers on the internet, you need to be in contact with someone that can help you start to heal.

second, i’d say… you’re wrong. i’d say the things any of us don’t know, especially about tomorrow, could blanket every grain of sand on every beach of the world with bullshit. And to simply assume you are done tomorrow because you are done today is a mistake. a factual mistake, an error, a critical miscalculation.

i’d say, read Tad Friend’s piece JUMPERS in which he seeks and finds and talks to people that jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge — and lived. And they all say the same variations this: “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.” 

And know that this piece has kept me in my seat on more than a couple dark nights.

And i’d say — i’d say i felt that way before too, and i was wrong.

And then i’d tell you something i don’t even think my wife knows. this happend years before we met — shit, more than a decade — and it’s not   the first time i came close to suicide was on a thanksgiving night. i’d eaten well and then as the house shut down i went into the bathroom, drew a bath as hot as i could manage to stand, and climbed into the tub with a razor  blade.

As i started to cut, as the corner touched my skin and that jolt of pain fired into my head, i stopped and thought — y’know, last chance. Are you SURE?

And i was tired. I sounded like you, that i knew there’d be ups again and downs but i was just so fucking TIRED i couldn’t stand the thought of having to get there. I felt this… this never-ending crush of days that were grey and tepid but for some reason i was supposed to greet each one with a smile. the constant pressure of having to keep my shit in all the time was just exhausting.

I wondered, then — well, is there anything you’re curious about. Anything you want to see play out. And i thought of a comic i was reading and i’d not figured out the end of the current storyline. And i realized I had curiosity. And that was the hook i’d hang my hat on. that by wanting to see how something played out I wasn’t really ready. That little sprout of a thing poking up through all that black earth kept me around a little longer.

I realized then that it had been so long since i’d laughed. I was numbed out and shut down and just… i missed laughing. maybe if i laughed a little i could get moving again. so i’d wait for my comic to conclude, try to find a few laughs, and then reevaluate.

So I’m in the bathtub and i got this real sharp-ass razor, right? And i look down and there’s all my bits floating in the water like they do and i thought okay, let’s get funny and i got to work.

I shaved off exactly half my pubic hair vertically. The end result was a ‘fro of pubes that looked like a Chia Pet that only half-worked. I started to laugh as I did it. And every time i’d piss, looking down made me laugh. 

Because JESUS what a nightmare.

Shortly thereafter I got very heavily into Chuck Jones and Tex Avery. Way less chafing and way more funny.

jesus. i was still in high school at the time. dig if you will a picture of the chubby weirdo that was always giggling at his dick in the bathroom. that was me.

And then I guess I’d tell you about Dave, who did the same thing as me a few years later, only DIDN’T have my hilarious Chia Dick strategy in mind and got the razor in and up. And as he started to bleed out “Brown Eyed Girl” came on the radio and he realized he’d never get to hear that again so, in a bloody comedy of errors — I swear to god this is true — he got out of the tub, tried to get dressed the best he could, went downstairs calling for help only to find his family gone, went out to his car, and drove to doug’s house only to find doug not home and so, then, finally, he blacked out from blood loss sitting there in his car, playing a van morrison CD on repeat, until, by luck, Doug’s mom came home and found him. 

Fucking Van Morrison, y’know?

A song, a comic, something dumb, something small. From that seed can come everything else, I swear to god.

I guess last I’d say… I’d say that, look — if you reached out to me for an answer, than I have to reach back out to you and insist you hear it.  Because it means, what, you know me? My work? You read my stuff and thought, well, fuck, if anyone would know why I shouldn’t end my life, if anyone alive is QUALIFIED TO SAVE ME it’s the guy that had britney spears punch a bear? okay — okay, then, so as THAT GUY I’m saying: Get help. Now, today, tonight, whenever — get to a phone and find a doctor that can try to help you heal, that can try to recolorize your world again, that can help you start caring again. All you need is that one tiny thing, that speck, that little grain of sand. the World Series, AVENGERS 2, Tina Fey’s new show, the first issue of PRETTY DEADLY, some slice of the world you’ve never seen, some drink you love, who the fuck will love your dog like you do if you’re gone, what if jabrams KILLS it on the new STAR WARS, the hell are you doing for Halloween, you ever feed a dolphin with your bare hand? because i have and I am fucking telling you IT IS A THING TO EXPERIENCE and oh god WHAT FUCKING FONT WILL STARBUCKS USE ON THE CHRISTMAS DRINK SLEEVES THIS YEAR — i don’t care what or how dumb but i promise you somewhere in your life is that one fleck of dust that can help start you on the road back. That’s all it takes. One fucking mote, drifting through your head. 

And because you asked me I am answering you because i know, motherfucker, i know, i know, i know the hole you are fucking in because I was there myself and if you look hard you can still see my writing on those walls and if you stare long enough i swear to god it’s pointing to up

We've all been there: You've had way too much apple. And poutine. And cheesestring. And pickle chips. And peanut butter and raisins. Ugh. And chocolate thingies. And more chocolate thingis. And gummies.

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I get so excited to see new sets of art prints from Charlottesville’s Telegraph Gallery. Their new collection, ARCANA, features five prints based on the Tarot’s Major Arcana. As usual, they’ve hired a handful of exciting, underrated artists, this time including The Little Friends of Printmaking, Simon Hanselmann, Julia Sonmi Heglund, and more. Visit TelegraphGallery.com.

Karlie Gets Styled – Following up her appearance in the Matthew Williamson for Lindex campaign, Karlie Kloss appears in another series of advertisements for the fashion brand with the “Styled by Matthew Williamson” line. The British designer handpicked some of his favorite autumn looks for a selection of standout pieces including the leather biker jacket, colorful sweaters and bold animal prints. The “Styled by Matthew Williamson” line is available now.

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Scene of a crime intro

We are getting to that point in Ed Brubaker’s career where no diehard Ed Brubaker fan can agree on what is their favorite Ed Brubaker book. But I, one of the original diehard Ed Brubaker fans, am here to tell you that THIS is my favorite  Ed Brubaker book.

This book is one of the very few in the entire world that made me growl to myself “Ugh! I should have thought of this!”  

I always get excited when one of my friends or someone I admire comes up with a new idea but I rarely wholeheartedly covet the idea. 

Scene of the crime I covet thee.

This, Buckaroo Banzai and High Fidelity (Original novel and film.)

At the time this book came out both Ed and I were full-blown crime comic creators. In fact, half of our relationship was gathering together with Greg Rucka and Brian Azzarello for group photos and interviews about being the new wave of crime comic creators.  Each of us shared an affinity for the same authors and the same classic crime films and each of us were looking for that very special angle that was very specific to us and brought something new to the table. 

Ed and I broke into comics around the same time.  We were both part of caliber comics’ parade of young talent soon to discover that you don’t always get paid for your work and it’s time to move on to another publisher.

Ed was writing and drawing a comic book called lowlife that detailed his every sin as a young man. He was confessing his sins as he did them.

I didn’t know Ed back then but I was a big fan.  And knowing  full well how many comics we sold back then I know that I was one of his very first fans.  Sometimes it felt like the only people who were enjoying our caliber comics where the other people making caliber comics.

In fact, a lot of the caliber crew, mike Oeming, David Mack, Mark Andreyko, hung around together and became very good friends but Ed was on the West Coast, doing whatever he was doing in lowlife, so we didn’t have a lot of opportunity to bond with him.  You’re thinking to yourself: why didn’t you just e-mail him?  Well, yes, this was before e-mail. I have officially terribly dated us. 

We were all young and trying to figure out what it is we had to offer the world even as we were offering things to the world.  From a distance, Ed seemed more evolved as a comics creator than the rest of us.  He certainly was more savvy because he was the first of us to leave caliber.  He saw the writing on the wall and bolted. 

Some of us were completely shocked by this. A lot of the talent at caliber were so excited to be in comics and at the same publisher that leaving caliber seemed insane but about a month later when we discovered what he discovered, that the boat was sinking, I remember thinking: this guy is one step ahead.

And that kind of thinking started showing up in his work. All of his projects, in retrospect, were either a few years for many years ahead of the curve. 

Sleeper, his Batman run, Catwoman, Scene of a crime…  either in comics film or television Ed’s specific aesthetic can be seen almost anywhere.

Except for that Prez one-shot. :-)

Another little tidbit about Ed that I find fascinating is that Ed does not write the way he talks.  Almost every writer in the world has a bit of his voice, his actual voice, seeping into the characters or the narrative.  Have you ever seen a interview with Stephen King or Neil Gaiman?

But there is almost no trace of Ed’s actual voice in his writing voice.  Especially in works like this book.  I think that shows amazing skill.   Before I knew Ed I always imagined him working himself up into some method character so he could start writing. 

But no. 

There is just Ed the person and Ed the writer.

Ed the person once got off Call of duty on Xbox because he thought he saw a spider.  I never saw that scene show up in his Capt. America run.

What Ed, and our Caliber alumni Michael Lark, created here is a classic noir with modern sensibility.  In a weird way it reminds me of Robert Altman’s the long goodbye.  Taking the rules of noir and applying them to the now.  Except rereading this work everything still feels very modern while that Altman movie has not aged well.  Yeah, I said it.

So, please, enjoy this wonderful book by wonderful creators.  

If only so you can properly join us REAL Ed Brubaker fans in deciding what his best work is.  

(It’s this one.)

Bendis!

Portland Oregon  

September 2012

Does that answer your question? :-)

Apocalypse the Pooh by Charles Paul Wilson III.

Guardians of the Galaxy #9 cover by Francesco Francavilla

WHAT IF, BITCHES!!??

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