Get ready for a Klingon-heavy episode, kids, because we have them in DROVES.
We start out by learning that Riker has recently completed a stint on a Klingon warbird in some sort of “office exchange” program, which I imagine involved a lot of him hitting on lady Klingons and subsequently being punched in the face. It was probably great. Now, the Enterprise is hosting a Klingon officer in return. His name is Kurn.
Or as I like to spell it, K ur n #deepcutkernjokes
Kurn is in need of a deep-conditioning treatment, but I am digging his catcher’s vest made of bicycle tires. Let’s get a better look:
Kurn, your hairstyle lacks honor. My bouffant is honorable
This is a pretty standard Klingon look: slightly DIY-looking, like a goth teen who didn’t have a Hot Topic nearby, and fairly industrial. I’m not sure, but his shirt MIGHT be velvet, as though he were participating in a very strange Project Runway challenge where he needed to pay homage to Stevie Nicks, a Nine Inch Nails video, and a roll of duct tape. Wesley and Data react in much the same way anyone would:
"I hope that was a fart and not a shart" - Wesley Crusher, always
Kurn is pretty brusque - he IS a Klingon, after all - and being particularly dickish to Worf. There is a little dinner party for the senior officers in Kurn’s honor, and we get to see some up-close HD shots of a legit turkey:
Not appetizing
We also get to see what a feast looks like on the Enterprise:
He carved the roast beast
Is that a plate of red potatoes with a plate of vegetables on TOP of it??
I’m saying yes
You have a replicator that can make ANYYYTHINGGG, and you have it make a plate of orange slices, broccoli and cherry tomatoes atop a bed of red potatoes? It’s your life.
How do you say “Ritz” in Klingon
Those are legit just Ritz crackers. Also, mad respect to Kurn’s meal choices.
"Yes, I’ll have the turkey leg, please. This is a Renaissance Faire, right?"
Okay, so they eat, and the main thing that is revealed is that Kurn is ACTUALLY Worf’s younger brother!!! In a nutshell: Worf’s family died in the Khitomer Massacre and he was adopted by humans. Kurn didn’t actually die, though, and was adopted by Klingons who revealed his true bloodline when he became an adult. Now Worf and Kurn’s dad, who DID die, is being accused of treason. So they have to kick it to Qo’noS and do a trial thing. Qo’noS looks like Blade Runner but way less boring:
On Qo’noS, we also have red in addition to grey and black
Worf and Kurn are being accused by Duras, the son of their father’s biggest rival. Duras is in even more need of some VO5 hot oil than Kurn:
For a split end treatment that works, try VO5
Duras has a sleeve that appears to be made of muppets and a delightful number of layers. He’s ready for anything. Also appearing in this scene is this guy from the Klingon High Council, who is far over the minimum number of pieces of flair:
You know, the Nazis had flair they made the Jews wear
You can tell by his flair that he is IMPORTANT. See that guy behind him? NO FLAIR AT ALL.
Duras, being a dick, confronts Kurn in a hallway lit only by red lightbulbs form Spencer’s Gifts:
It just feels so much more CHILL in here with the red lights, you know
This shot I mostly included because of those boots. THOSE BOOTS, YOU GUYS. I actually have those boots in brown suede, but now I want them in black leather as well.
Kurn gets hurt, but not killed, in the scuffle, so Worf needs a new Cha’DIch (like a second in a duel) for the trial/fight/whatever. He picks Picard, OBVIOUSLY.
When you think Cha’DIch - think Picard
Worf also adds a kicky Klingon vest to his usual garb. It’s a little sparkly, a little spangly, and a LOT of fun.
While all this is going on, the crew up on the Enterprise has been checking to see if anyone else survived the Khitomer Massacre, and someone did!! Picard goes to find this person in a dope cloak:
dopecloak.jpg
I am INTO THIS CLOAK you guys. It’s got a REAL weird hood and might be microsuede. It’s like the interior of the most luxurious rental car I’ve ever driven (a PT Cruiser) was made into a cloak.
Picard finds the other survivor, and her hair looks PRETTY good for being in hiding:
It’s all thanks to VO5 hot oil treatments
She is wearing a lovely purple garment and possibly a friendly plastic necklace. Up close, Picard’s cloak looks less like a car’s interior and more like a broomstick skirt in cloak form. Still dope. And I’m definitely not mad at this dusty violet situation the old lady is rocking:
Deloris Van Cartier, Klingon Edition
Other captions I considered included: “London Fog x The Muppets presents: This Coat” and “I want this coat faux real.”
In the end, Worf ends up being basically kicked out of being a Klingon to save his brother’s life. He yells at the Klingon Council in his kicky vest:
YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO
Is that vest finished? The front looks finished. The back looks like it’s made of the lining of a trench coat.
And they all turn their backs on him, metaphorically AND LITERALLY:
You can’t play with us anymore
It’s sad but honorable, just like Worf himself.
That’s kind of a downer note to end on, though, so here’s a shot of a totally metal planet from earlier in the episode that I made into another album:
Worf and the Duras Sisters’ sophomore effort was well-received
