"I took your note about it looking like a somewhat aggressive robot, went back to the original reference photo you emailed, and added a nose. That offsets the razor-sharp teeth, right? And viola! Harry from One Direction! So. I hope your daughter enjoys her bat mitzvah. We accept Visa, Masterc— sir? Sir? THIS WAS A CUSTOM JOB, SIR."
Rhyming phrases:
In 1996, Coca-Cola began production of a fully loaded citrus soda called Surge (prototype name “MDK” or “Mountain Dew Killer”) that was set to compete with Pepsi's Mountain Dew. Sales were very high during the first few years of release, but began to slip. This led to the discontinuation of Surge soda in 2003. This was due to many reasons including the fact that schools had banned it and parents didn't buy it for their kids because it was touted as having too much caffeine and sugar. Either way, the dew killed Surge.
"Then Jesus bursts from his ropes and says ‘JESUS SMASH!’ and he goes on a rampage! Smashing this and that! The military is called in!"
"Yes! And they start firing at him, but the shells just bounce off of his skin!"
"He says ‘You make Jesus angry!’"
"Puny humans!"
There are no costumes better than ones taken from improv sketches from podcasts.
Certainly you’ve heard the Jesus Christ Superstar synopsis from the brilliant “Time Bobby” episode (150) of Comedy Bang Bang featuring Paul F. Tompkins as Andrew Lloyd Webber by now, right?
https://soundcloud.com/rockandrollcoolbeans3100/jesus-christ-superstar-plot
Spooky, right? I wonder where that tradition stopped, where you look in the mirror and see your future husband's face on Halloween. Judging by the card collections, it was pretty popular!
Just a couple of sketches for the season.
I was busy a while back designing shirts! They should be up in the store soon. Keep track of things on my tumblr, where I post sketches and updates and things I find interesting!
Attached to the email is a screenshot of the website in Windows 98 - IE6 - 800x600
adamczI'm pretty sure this is old, but I still love it.
teenage mutant ninja pumpkins.
adamczwhat
During rehearsals, a false horse’s head was used for the bedroom scene. For the actual shot, a real horse’s head was used, acquired from a dog-food factory. According to John Marley, his scream of horror was real as he was not informed that a real head was going to be used.
The Godfather (1972)
adamczA lot of weird perspective in this
Karl Malone and a Basketball Breaking Through the Sky
Let us celebrate and remember the real hero and star of Breaking Bad: ROOF PIZZA.
In a recent interview with ESPN the Magazine’s “The Gamer Blog,” NBA Jam’s original lead designer Mark Turmell finally revealed what most of us have been screaming for the last 20 years – the NBA is fixed! Well, maybe not the actual NBA, but at least the video game version is a complete sham. A lifelong Detroit Pistons fan, Turmell admitted that there was actually code written into the game that made it impossible for anyone playing as the almighty Chicago Bulls to win a game with a final shot against the Pistons.
Did Scottie Pippen’s ratings in the game really drop when he played certain teams?
It’s true, but only when the Bulls played the Pistons. If there was a close game and anyone on the Bulls took a last second shot, we wrote special code in the game so that they would average out to be bricks. There was the big competition back in the day between the Pistons and the Bulls, and since I was always a big Pistons fan, that was my opportunity to level the playing field.
Here’s the thing – since Michael Jordan wasn’t in the original NBA Jam because of licensing rights and whatnot, this wasn’t very necessary and therefore a pretty dick move. I mean, if you couldn’t beat Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant as it was, then the problem was you and not the game’s code. As for Jordan and the other missing player, Gary Payton, Turmell also revealed what happened when NBA Jam became the mega hit that it was and the Glove and his Airness realized what they were missing out on.
The most interesting one was the team of Gary Payton and Michael Jordan. Payton didn’t make the cut to be in the game, and of course, Jordan pulled himself out of the licensing of the NBA, so we had to pull him out of the game. But one day, I got a phone call from a distributor out on the west coast who told me that Gary Payton was willing to pay whatever it cost to get into the game. So we told him what to do in terms of taking photographs, so he sent in photographs of himself and Jordan, saying, “We want to be in the game, hook us up.” So we actually did a special version of the game and gave both players all-star, superstar stats. There are only a handful of these machines, but Jordan and Payton did end up being in one version of the game.
Instead of all-star and superstar stats, they should have made them both the worst players in the game. Like, if you could have started Alan Ogg for the Miami Heat, he would have been better than Michael Jordan or Gary Payton.
Unfortunately, Turmell didn’t mention whether or not this profanity-laced version of the game actually exists or if it was just some Internet prank. (Fast forward to around the 2:00 mark for the juicy stuff.)
Here’s the supposed long-winded response from Midway’s sound guy, Jon Hey, on how this version of the game might have been made, although he basically still says that it’s a fake based on actual recordings. But Turmell also said that it really happened, so I guess it’s as close as we’ll ever get to someone shouting, “Get that sh*t out of here!” while Bill Clinton tries to slam dunk a basketball.
phils-mum-and-llama-placentas:
[Descriptive noise] subtitles are actually poetry.
Sobbing mathematically
Don’t worry, Rivers will probably make him pay by throwing a back-breaking pick-six to the Eagles defense.
UPDATE: He won? [Checks scoreboard] He won!
[gif via]
adamczThe old person’s remarks will be stricken from the record.
On The Simpsons, Abraham Simpson stated, "The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that’s the way I likes it.” (This is approximately 0.002 mpg, 10.5 feet per gallon, or 0.8 meters per liter). 40 rods make one furlong, so 8 hogsheads are needed for one mile.
Oh my oh my. Miniature dachshund seen by @Tubewisdom looking too sweet, if a little terrified, on the Jubilee Line, London Underground.
The man dressed up as Santa that stabs Angel’s hand is director Peter Jackson.
Hot Fuzz (2007)
Were it not for this person, the time and date of your fantasy draft would be reasonably easy to set. Unfortunately, this person does not receive group texts and only checks his email once a week, leaving the commissioner to text back and forth with him for weeks.
Everyone else is at the mercy of this person, who has a schedule packed full of thoroughly unimportant things. They aren't work commitments, weddings or anything of the sort. They are activities that could easily be postponed or rescheduled for the benefit of everyone else in the league.
Thanks to this person, the commissioner must enter a labyrinthine phone-tag maze, maintaining multiple circles of communication and serving as this individual's personal agent and spokesman.
If you are the commissioner, you will bend over backwards to accommodate this person. After you annoy the Hell out of everyone else and reschedule the draft several times over, this person may or may not actually bother to come. If this person does show up, you will probably only see, like, his lower leg and part of his knee, because most of him is stuck in another temporal realm. You will still hear his voice, albeit in murky echoes, as he whines about everyone else taking too long to draft.
These things are true for me, and for 95 percent of you:
a) In the absence of obvious indicators (legal problems, injuries, losing the starting job, fantasy experts overwhelmingly talking a player up or down), you are not smarter than the pre-ranked draft order. You might feel like a player will "work well in his team's new system" or "feel the need to prove himself this year," but you actually have zero clue.
b) If you are trying to choose between two players, the difference in value between the two will probably not be large enough for you to stress out over. If it is, it will be for reasons you are not smart or informed enough to identify.
Unfortunately for you and your enjoyment of the fantasy football experience, you are not smart enough to know that you are not smart enough.
NFL players at skill positions have been scouted by dozens of experts for several years. Coaches endlessly study their game tape. General managers are perpetually trying to assess their worth. Right now, you are trying to one-up them with two minutes of Googling.
You will panic. You should have been reading this stuff while other managers were drafting, but you spent the last 15 minutes getting into a debate over -- and this is a universal certainty -- Libertarian politics.
This will severely compromise your enjoyment of the draft, and by the end of the night you will believe that drafting fantasy football teams for you is the responsibility of the government.
This really did happen one time. You know who you are.
The League is a kind-of-funny television program. I've probably seen a dozen or so episodes of it, had some laughs and at this point remember almost nothing that happened. It's just that kind of show to me: completely forgettable and somewhat enjoyable. That's cool. To your friend, it is a nexus of perpetual entertainment, and the lens through which the universe is perceived.
This person uses the term "trade rape" a lot. Ah, shit. This person is you, isn't it?
Real-life Shonn Greene is a perfectly talented running back who is probably a nice enough guy. Fantasy Shonn Greene represents the universal line of demarcation between players worth getting excited about and players who will disappoint you terribly.
Every single team in your league will have Shonn Greene at some point in the season. He'll be traded, dropped, added, dropped, traded, added and dropped. This is guaranteed, so drafting him would be a waste of a pick, but this person will draft him anyway.
This person could very well be me or you. In the 10th round, this person will realize he needs an insurance back on the bench. He'll be right there.
And if you draft him, he will haunt you for the entire season. He will rush for 53 yards and a touchdown the first game. You will start him in Week 2, and he will rush for 13 yards. Desperate to trade him while he has any value at all, you will trade him away for Philip Rivers, and how happy you are about this will be a testament to how miserable and broken Shonn Greene has made you.
He will ruin your winter. He will be everywhere, and he will never leave.
Don't draft Shonn Greene. Someone will draft Shonn Greene. Don't, though.
For further reading: The five people you meet at every Super Bowl party
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adamcza pain I know all too well
if you go to the ham contest wat will the man say
you won last year you are not alowed
At Wednesday afternoon's practice, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady went down with a knee injury. The team has described the injury as "not serious," but since he has also experienced a leg injury at another point in his life, he will have to retire and everything is ruined forever.
The Patriots do have Tim Tebow on the depth chart, but they seem unwilling to really open up the playbook and give him the opportunity to succeed, which leaves the door open to an even more exciting possibility. I have long maintained that it just hasn't been the same without Brett Favre out there, and that the ol' Gunslinger still has a few tricks up his sleeve and could show all those young kids out there a thing or two and still has a little gas in the tank, and that it would sure be great if he laced 'em up one last time and really took it out and chopped it up out there and made one more run at the Super Bowl and find a way to win any which way he knows how.
I fully expect the Patriots to give NFL fans what they want and bring aboard the ol' Gunslinger for one last ride. Sure would be something. Heh. Sure would be great. It sure would be something and great.
In anticipation and tribute, I have made some inspirational artwork. I like to think that Brady (RIP) will be looking down on Favre and giving him helpful advice as he continues the Patriots legacy.
