Shared posts

24 May 21:06

‘You Better Give Our Dad A Good Trade Deal Or You’ll Be Sorry!’ Shout Angry Trump Boys On Phone With Employee Of Local Chinese Restaurant

by The Onion on Politics, shared by The Onion to The Onion

WASHINGTON—Issuing a series of threats and warnings to gain the East Asian government’s cooperation, an angry Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump reportedly shouted “You better give our dad a good trade deal or you’ll be sorry!” while on the phone Thursday with an employee of a local Chinese food restaurant. “If you don’t…

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24 May 12:59

Depleted Hawaiian Volcano Now Just Coughing Up Bile

by The Onion
Philip.paulsson

What a gross picture!

24 May 10:43

Red Sox Team Doctor Unclear Whether He Supposed To Join Fight Or Not

by The Onion on Sports, shared by The Onion to The Onion

TAMPA BAY, FL—Watching with puzzled concern as his team ran onto the field and began shoving the opposing players, Boston Red Sox physician Adam Foster told reporters Wednesday that it was unclear if he should join a bench-clearing brawl with the Tampa Bay Rays. “I’m always happy to help the team, but I’m not sure if…

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23 May 19:45

Arizona state education standards see evolution deleted

by John Timmer

Enlarge / A facepalm with ponies seems to be the most reasonable response to the proposed science education standards. (credit: Joachim S. Müller / Flickr)

In Arizona, the state's superintendent of public instruction has led a campaign to remove evolution from the state's science education standards. Diane Douglas has taken the standards, written by educators, and selectively replaced instances of the word "evolution" with euphemisms like "change over time." The alterations come less than a year after Douglas publicly advocated for introducing religious ideas into biology classrooms. Arizona residents still have roughly a week to submit comments on the changes.

Edited standards

Most states develop educational standards that define their expectations for what students should know at different stages of their time in school. These standards then govern things, from the mass purchase of textbooks to the design of instructional plans by individual teachers. For large states like California and Texas, the decisions involved in the formation of educational standards can dictate the structure of textbooks that are released nationwide, as publishers try to develop one book that they can sell everywhere.

Arizona doesn't have this level of influence, but it has more than a million students enrolled. The science standards would govern the textbooks that could be available to them, how they'll be instructed, and the content of any standardized testing they receive.

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23 May 14:36

EA snaps up GameFly's cloud gaming technology

by Mariella Moon
It sounds like EA has big game streaming plans for the future. The gaming giant has acquired GameFly's cloud gaming technology assets and personnel, a move that will (in its own words) "enable the company to continue exploring new ways for players to...
23 May 14:17

Cash-Strapped MoviePass Limiting New Users To One Movie Filmed In CEO’s Backyard Per Month

by The Onion on Entertainment, shared by The Onion to The Onion

NEW YORK—In an effort to cut operating costs while still offering consumers the option to make cinema more accessible, cash-strapped ticketing service MoviePass announced Wednesday they would limit new subscribers to a single movie filmed in their CEO’s backyard per month. “We are proud to announce our new pricing…

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23 May 13:37

No One Voted In Subway Canada's Twitter Polls And Honestly It's Pretty Depressing

Philip.paulsson

This is kinda hilarious

Poor Subway.


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23 May 13:03

Black Ops 4 ditches single-player campaign, adds battle royale mode

by Kyle Orland

Enlarge / Black Ops 4's Blackout mode will replace the traditional single-player campaign in the upcoming game. (credit: Treyarch)

At a community reveal event today, developer Treyarch confirmed previous rumors that the upcoming Call of Duty Black Ops 4 will be the first game in the series without a traditional single-player campaign. Instead, the new game will launch on October 12 with a focus on a new "three-pillar" structure of traditional multiplayer modes, alternative zombie-mode side missions, and a new battle royale mode called Blackout.

"It's all about having fun with your friends," Treyarch Chairman Mark Lamia said at the end of the event. "More fun than you've ever had. Black Ops 4 doesn't have a traditional campaign; we're weaving narrative into each of the modes."

For those who might prefer playing alone, Lamia promised "unique ways to play solo in multiplayer and zombies [modes] regardless of your skill level," without going into further detail. "Those of you who just want to ramp up on your own, we've got you covered, too," he said.

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23 May 12:42

Lava Is Approaching A Geothermal Plant On Hawaii's Big Island And Officials Are Scrambling To Shut It Down

Philip.paulsson

Uhhh their energy source is just coming closer... what's the problem here?

Officials are preparing for the worst-case scenario: the release of deadly hydrogen sulfide.


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23 May 12:42

Man With 20 Rifles Can’t Remember If His Goal To Start Or Stop Violent Overthrow Of Government

by The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Onion
Philip.paulsson

Is that Chuck Norris?

BILLINGS, MO—Finding himself increasingly uncertain as to the purpose of his substantial cache of military-grade firearms, Billings resident Greg Carnes admitted Tuesday that he was unable to remember whether the 20 rifles he’d stockpiled were meant to aid in armed rebellion against the government or prevent the same.…

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22 May 13:54

Has Amazon stepped up to save The Expanse from cancellation?

by Jonathan M. Gitlin
Philip.paulsson

*crosses fingers*

The crew of the Rocinante. L-R: Engineer Naomi Nagata, Mechanic Amos Burton, Captain James Holden, Pilot Alex Kamal. (credit: SyFy)

A couple of weeks ago we got some terrible news. The Expanse, the critically acclaimed adaptation of the James SA Corey space opera novels now in its third season, was cancelled by Syfy.

Although the US-based cable channel was responsible for broadcasting the science fiction show, it wasn't responsible for the production—that's all down to Alcon Entertainment. Syfy only bought the first-run linear rights, meaning that it only really cared about viewers watching the show live in the US on Wednesday evenings. Streaming rights after each season was complete went to Amazon here in the US, with Netflix carrying the show internationally.

But it looks like the day may have been saved. On Monday, The Hollywood Reporter revealed that Amazon appears set to step into the breach for season four. By all accounts, Amazon boss Jeff Bezos was a big Expanse fan and wasn't happy that Syfy had the broadcast rights for the show in the first place.

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22 May 12:32

Bad News For The #Resistance: Sources Close To Mueller Are Suggesting The Pee Tape Is Real, But It Is Hot As Hell, Maybe The Sexiest Event Ever Caught On Camera

by ResistanceHole on ResistanceHole, shared by OnionNews to The Onion

For those holding out hope that the infamous pee tape will eventually surface and expose President Trump for the depraved monster he truly is, sadly it’s now looking like, if anything, the video will only make him more popular than ever: According to new intel from sources close to Special Counsel Robert Mueller, the…

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22 May 02:54

The tiny house craze has gone too far

by Mallory Locklear
Researchers in France have built a teeny, tiny house. It's just a few micrometers wide, too small for even a mite to fit inside, and demonstrates that a focused ion beam and a small robot can create 3D microstructures with incredible accuracy and pre...
21 May 14:07

This Popular Tourist Island May Temporarily Shut Down Because Tourists Ruined It

Philip.paulsson

LOL I've been there!

Philippine president Rodrigo Duterte described Boracay as a "cesspool".


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21 May 14:05

"Broad City" Is Renewed For Its Fifth And Final Season

Philip.paulsson

Nice! But sad it's the final season.

The show's final season will premiere in 2019.


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21 May 14:02

Syfy drops 'The Expanse' after three seasons

by Richard Lawler
Philip.paulsson

Oh goddammit.

After three seasons, The Expanse is coming to an end -- at least on Syfy. Deadline reports that the cable network decided not to go forward with a fourth season of the show, however its producer, Alcon Television Group will look for another home. Des...
18 May 14:01

21 Tweets About Food That Are Funny For No Reason At All

Philip.paulsson

LOL these are pretty good.

"The fondue...? you mean, my drinking cheese?"


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18 May 13:41

Banned

by Scandinavia and the World
Banned

Banned

View Comic!




17 May 18:47

NBC picks up 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine' after Hulu, Netflix pass

by Richard Lawler
After Fox canceled Brooklyn Nine-Nine, fans hoped a streaming service like Netflix or Hulu might pick up the show to extend its run. Tonight members of the cast and crew announced that NBC has chosen to air a 13-episode long season six of the cop sit...
17 May 18:28

Houseguest Given Entire Rundown On Input 1, Input 2

by OnionNews on Local, shared by OnionNews to The Onion

GRAND ISLAND, NE—In an effort to ensure their visitor was completely comfortable and conversant with all entertainment amenities, houseguest Brian Heatley was thoroughly briefed Thursday on the TV remote’s “Input 1” and “Input 2” modes and their corresponding effects on the family entertainment system. “Okay, one is…

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17 May 18:28

Everything You Need To Know About The Royal Wedding

by The Onion
Philip.paulsson

LOL these were pretty good.

Prince Harry will marry American Meghan Markle on May 19. The Onion provides all the important details you need to know about the royal wedding.

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16 May 17:03

Mother Given Gift Basket Of Soaps, Bubble Bath Hopefully Takes Hint That She Smells Like Shit

by The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Onion
16 May 17:02

Activists are raising awareness of global warming with a 35m-high ice sculpture of Donald Trump

by Ruby Boddington
Philip.paulsson

Not sure if I'm on board with this, because even though it's making fun of him, you know it's just going to end up further inflating his ego...

Projecttrumpmore-miscellaneous-itsnicethat-list

After joking last year that he should potentially be added to the line-up of famous faces on Mount Rushmore, it seems as if President Donald Trump’s wishes might be coming true.

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16 May 06:10

Turkish Delight

I take it Narnia doesn't have Cinnabons? Because if you can magic up a plate of those, I'll betray whoever.
15 May 14:43

Jon Bon Jovi Jealous Of Former Classmate Who Made It Out Of Jersey

by The Onion on Entertainment, shared by The Onion to The Onion

MIDDLETOWN, NJ—Rattling off reason after reason why his hometown sucked, rock icon Jon Bon Jovi sheepishly told reporters Tuesday that he’s been feeling jealous of a former classmate lately who had managed to make it out of New Jersey. “Michael McCleary, man, that guy bought a one-way ticket out of this shithole and…

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15 May 08:45

Nation’s Liberals Not Sure What To Think After Hearing Special Counsel Has Waterboarded Every Suspect In Trump Investigation

by The Onion on Politics, shared by The Onion to The Onion

WASHINGTON—Stammering as they struggled to form an opinion about the surprising revelation, the nation’s liberals admitted Thursday they were not sure what to think after hearing U.S. Special Counsel Robert Mueller had waterboarded every suspect in his investigation into the Trump campaign. “I’ve stood firmly in…

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15 May 08:44

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Flatly Rejects Jim Acosta's Assertion That He's Jim Acosta

by The Onion on Politics, shared by The Onion to The Onion
15 May 08:43

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Dear God

by tech@thehiveworks.com


Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
I mean, it's already listening all the time. Why not?

New comic!
Today's News:
14 May 17:55

Man Surprised By How Often He Still Uses Bullying Skills He Learned In High School

by The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Onion

SAN FRANCISCO—Admitting he didn’t think he’d be utilizing intimidation tactics from his childhood this far down the line, 38-year-old Gene Booker confirmed Monday that he was surprised by how often he still uses the bullying skills he learned in high school. “I always thought destroying other people’s confidence and…

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11 May 17:15

‘ASS’ Finally Inducted Into Video Game Hall Of Fame

by The Onion

ROCHESTER, NY—Honoring their performance and consistency in regularly appearing up and down the high-score screen for decades, the World Video Game Hall Of Fame formally inducted “ASS” into its hallowed collection in a gala ceremony Friday. “After years of being overlooked for outstanding contributions to gaming in…

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