oliver.thiessen

"Smile" is part of their new album Sonder.

The post TESSERACT Streams New, Longer Version Of 2017 Song "Smile" appeared first on Metal Injection.

Restaurant | IL, USA

(I have a large group, 20 or so people. They are regulars and pleasant customers, so I am happy to be serving them throughout the evening. They stay for two hours in our dining room, no big deal; they are spending money, having a good time, and they are the only people in the dining hall. Everyone else is in the bar dining room. Most of the group has left, except a woman, her husband, and their probably one-year-old child, being breast-fed. I have no problems with her breast-feeding, no one is offended, no one is there to be offended and she has a blanket over herself, but then the woman proceeds to change her child in the dining room on the table.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, and it has been a real pleasure serving you all tonight, but do you mind if I ask that you change your baby in the restroom where we provide a baby changing station. If you’re uncomfortable, we do have sanitation wipes for the station?”

Customer: “Excuse me?! I do mind! My child needs to be changed now. No one else is in this room. Am I disturbing other customers?”

Me: “Again, not to be rude, and I understand that you’re just trying to take care of your child. I’m not personally offended, and no one has complained, but keep in mind we serve food to people on these tables, and it’s just not sanitary.”

Customer: “You’re being very judgmental about this. It’s just a baby. No one else has complained, and I have a mat down. I don’t see why you’re having such a problem with this.”

Me: “I understand where you’re coming from, but again, this isn’t about complaints. It’s about sanitation. If you could please, from now on, make use of the changing station in the women’s restroom, I and management would be grateful.”

(At this point she has almost finished changing her baby, and management supports me in my request for a sanitary dining table.)

Customer: “I’ve done this countless times here. We’re regulars, and no one ever complains. I don’t appreciate you causing a scene.”

(There are no other customers in the dining room. They are all in the bar room. No scene was caused. No one even looked.)

Me: “I’m not trying to cause problems. I’m just making a request that, to help keep this place clean, you use the resources we provide to change diapers.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. We’re leaving. I don’t even want to leave you a tip. You’re just a mean girl who hates children. You probably don’t have any children at home.”

(The guest paid and leaves. There was no tip, which I understood. It didn’t bother me that much because there was a disagreement and sometimes that happens. What bothered me is that she left the dirty diaper on the table, not even wrapped up.)

The post The Dining Table Is Where Food Goes In, Not Out appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

If you’ve got a bike that uses V-brakes and it’s making some noise here’s a quick tip you can do to get rid of that annoying sound.

So what you do is grab one of these green scouring pads, cut off a small section that’s wide enough to fit on the rim.

Then make sure you do a better job in placing it behind the pad than I did. Just to let you know, I did re-position the pad so it would be just right. Now press the v-brake arm in so you are essentially pushing the brake pad into the rim. Then rotate the wheel a few times.

Now check out the green pad. See all that muck…well that’s a combination of grease/oils and other contaminants that are getting in between your pads and your rims. If you have all that muck, it’s basically preventing your pads from making a solid contact patch, which causes vibration/noise.

So the next time your brakes are making noises, try this!

Convenience Store | Robeline, LA, USA

Customer: *leering* “I need $15 worth of [Cell Company] minutes and your phone number, sweetness.”

Me: *pretending I didn’t hear the last part* “$15 of [Cell Company] minutes. Okay.”

Customer: *smirking* “And your phone number.”

Me: *curtly* “Not happening. I have a boyfriend.” *prints the slip* “It’s $15.50.”

Customer: *pays in exact change* “So, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

Me: *deadpan* “What are you talking about? I clawed my way up from Hell.”

(He quickly left and hasn’t asked for my number since.)

People like wine, I’ve heard it said. And people like coffee, I say to my morning cup of joe every day so it knows I appreciate it. But do we really want to mix our booze and our morning buzz, and in a can, no less?

After all, a lot of bad can happen to good things when you put them in into can form. If you’re feeling brave and confident that you can keep your stomach lining from exiting your body, just search for “turkey in a can” if you’ve never seen it.

DailyCoffeeNews.com brings the newest offering from Friends Fun Wine, which has been peddling 6% ABV “Fun Wine in a Can” for a while now, in its foray into the caffeine world with Cabernet Coffee Espresso and Chardonnay Coffee Cappuccino.

Based on that naming style, shouldn’t it be Cabernet Wine Coffee Espresso and Chardonnay Wine Coffee Cappuccino? Though it’s unclear if there’s actually caffeine in the beverage, or just a coffee wine flavor. Which, yuck.

Anyway, these “easy-to-drink” combos feature things like the “rich flavor of fresh cabernet grapes, espresso coffee and a hint of chocolate,” and the chardonnay wine coffee wine coffee whatever sounds like a sugary booze dream, with “sweet, refreshing Chardonnay grapes with vanilla cappuccino coffee and smooth hints of chocolate.”

“We are proud to be the first-to-market with our Fun Wine In A Can, and look forward to introducing the new coffee varieties to our Fun-Loving Fans,” Friends Fun Wine CEO Joe Peleg said in a product announcement.

Congratulations?

Get Half Naked, Grab Some Friends and Drink Coffee Wine (It’s a Real Thing) [DailyCoffeeNews.com]

G-G the book - G-G on Facebook - G-G on Twitter

While Apple has long prevented wireless companies from force-placing cruddy, memory- and battery-sucking apps on its iPhones, most Android users have phones loaded with apps from their wireless providers and phone manufacturers that will probably never be used but which can’t be removed. Realizing that this is a mammoth annoyance to consumers, regulators in South Korea have banned the practice.

Ars Technica reports that phones in South Korea can still come with all this nonsense pre-loaded, but consumers must have ability to delete most of it.

Only certain apps that are deemed necessary — things that enable WiFi service or near-field communication for the device; the app store; apps for customer service — are exempt from this requirement.

“The move aims to rectify an abnormal practice that causes inconvenience to smartphone users and causes unfair competition among industry players,” explained the South Korean Ministry of Science, ICT, and Future Planning.

Sadly, with the amount of money that wireless providers pump into Capitol Hill, it’s doubtful that U.S. lawmakers or regulators would ever enact such a rule. Thus, Android users will need to keep rooting their devices if they want to remove all the useless apps that occupy real estate on their phones.

The classroom supply closet is nearly empty and so are your pockets. Well, if you’re a K-12 school teacher, don’t worry, your credit union has your back — in the shape of a personal loan.

That’s right, credit unions across the country are targeting teachers with classroom supply loans, Mother Jones reports.

In a time where school budgets are tight, more teachers are taking on the burden of paying for classroom supplies. Mother Jones estimates teachers already spend $1.6 billion out-of-pocket for school supplies.

In what supposedly lessens the burden, credit unions are now offering low-interest, short-term loans for teachers.

The loans start as low as 0.0% APR and go up from there. Most have limited the terms to 12 months and up to $1,000.

And the credit unions aren’t holding back any punches when it comes to appealing to teachers’ need to provide for students.

“We pick up where the school district leaves off,” The Gulf Coast Educators Federal Credit Union says on their website. “We offer a one-year loan up to $1,000 that we hope will help teachers afford the task of creating a teaching environment that meets their exceptional standards.”

They’re not the only ones touting these type of personal loans. Nerd Scholar published a list of credit unions and their loan terms.

There will always be a need for erasers, pencils and other school supplies, but is taking out a personal loan really necessary? We want to know what you think:

Take Our Poll

Credit Union Offers Teachers Personal Loans for Classroom Supplies [Mother Jones]

Bookstore | Melbourne, VIC, Australia

Me: “Would you like me to gift wrap that for you?”

Customer: “Yes. But can you make it look a bit crap so my girlfriend thinks I did it?”

Usually if someone asks me what I want before a flight the answer is going to be something like, “The gift of no one kicking my seat back repeatedly during the flight” or “A free drink to get me through turbulence.” But a WestJet Santa Claus took it a few jolly steps further.

Passengers on two WestJet flights in Canada were asked to scan their boarding passes in front of a screen, which brought up a ho-ho-ho’ing Santa asking what they’d like for Christmas, reports CTV News.

And while kids answered readily with things like “A choo-choo train” and “An Android tablet,” Santa queried adults as well. “A big TV,” said one couple. “Socks and underwear,” said another man.

Then, while the flights were in the air, the discount airline’s staff went to work, scrambling to stores to shop for all the presents they’d taken notes on during the Santa interviews. Upon landing — ta da! Christmas dreams come true at the baggage carousel, where fliers were surprised with their personalized gifts.

“This year, we wanted to turn our holiday campaign into a tradition by doing something that’s never been done before,” said Richard Bartrem, WestJet Vice-President, Communications and Community Relations. “Inspired by the notion of real-time giving, we wanted to surprise our guests with meaningful, personalized gifts when they least expected them. Being able to show our guests how much we care with gift-giving, a tried and true holiday tradition, resonates with WestJetters as much as our guests.”

Is this a great way for WestJet to get some nice publicity? Sure it is, but it’s also kind of awesome. Anyone who says they wouldn’t be excited if this happened to them is a Christmas liar. And we know which list you’re on anyway.

WestJet guests have their holiday wishes granted [CTVNews.com]

(859): I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...

buy this print
Or share on: facebook reddit

(314): Stop watching porn on my work computer.
(1-314): STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.

If you’re going to make me step into a clear tube that shuts behind me I darn well better be going to Narnia or get showered with hundred dollar bills. But hopping into a one-person contraption on the way out of the airport doesn’t look like much fun at all, especially in light of the already overly annoying security process.

Syracuse’s airport terminal just got a set of the new exits and already people are kind of confused. Is there a scanner? Can my mom come in with me? Is this beaming me up to Scotty on the starship Enterprise? No, no and no, explains CNYCentral.com.

The robotic voice tells travelers to step in, wait for the doors to close behind you, and then walk out the front when those doors close. The portals are simply meant to deter anyone who’s exited from going back into the terminal. It’s just a one-way tube, no transportation to lands thus far only imagined and no falling money. Boring.

“We need to be vigilant and maintain high security protocol at all times. These portals were designed and approved by TSA which is important,” said Syracuse Airport Commissioner Christina Callahan.

It’ll save the airport money because staff and police won’t have to monitor the exits as they did before, only show up if there’s trouble.

She adds that the Transportation Security Administration approved the design and installation, and it seems these tubes to nowhere fun could show up in other airports soon enough. I’m going to throw a fistful of cash up in the air if I ever get in one, just because.

Syracuse airport renovation introduces new ‘exit portals’ [CNYCentral.com]

(317): & I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley.

Stepping over the side of a bathtub sounds like the easiest thing in the world to someone who has a full range of mobility, but for those with somewhat less flexibility, it can be tricky or even downright dangerous.

Hence the award-winning Elevated Bathtub by Zhang Jiangpeng & Zou Tao, the body of which slides up and out of the way so you can walk right into the center of the bathing area to enjoy a bath.

Alternatively, users can leave the sides up entirely to take a shower, in which case the elevated enclosure serves as a water shield to keep the spray from spreading around the room.

A simple wall-mounted LED display is easy to access from a sitting or standing position for enhanced usability, and utilizes universal symbols to engage different modes and select between temperatures.

The concept is certainly neat, but the question remains: how long does it take to drain? Waiting for a while after you are done with your bath could be a bit of a downer if you are in any kind of a hurry.

Angular geometric forms seem well-suited to the material being used in this curious collection of dining surfaces, reflecting the hard-edged way in which concrete is generally shaped.

But for VIDÓ NÓRI it is not just about the look – these objects are made to be highly durable and easily washable as well.

And if they break, well, concrete tends to shatter less easily, and create less dangerous shards than glass or ceramic – of course, it may also do more damage if you have hardwood floors.

Small imperfects are also true to the aggregate-and-cement nature of the project, and give the series character, as well as contrast with respect to the warmer colors of foods to be put in and on the pieces.

You’d think that most parents would be applauded for not giving in to their kids’ demands for fast food, but a court-appointed psychologist in New York City (New York City?!?) has reportedly decided that one father is an unfit parent because he failed to feed his 5-year-old son’s craving for McDonald’s.

According to the NY Post, the youngster recently threw a tantrum when pops decided to take him to dinner at a restaurant instead of the Golden Arches.

He claims that he doesn’t normally deny his kid’s fast food requests, but decided at the time that the boy had been eating too much of it. Also, after the child threw a tantrum, he says he did not want to reward his son’s bad behavior by giving into the McDonald’s demand.

And so he says he gave the child the option of dinner anywhere but McDonald’s or no dinner at all. The kid chose the no-dinner route.

When news of the incident got back to the man’s ex-wife, with whom he is involved in a custody battle, that’s when things apparently got really hairy.

The dad says that his ex contacted the court-appointed psychologist in their custody case and reported the to-do over the McDonald’s demands, and that the doctor only interviewed the mom and the boy before determining that the father should lose weekend visitation rights because he was “wholly incapable of taking care of his son.”

If taking your kid for fast food is a hallmark of good parenting, then my otherwise neglectful dad would have won Father of the Year for most of the ’80s.

(757): pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?

Have you been trying to start a family but not having any luck? Maybe it’s that slap of bacon (or other processed meat product) you devour to get into the mood.

In a new study, titled “Meat intake and semen parameters among men attending a fertility clinic,” published in the journal Fertility and Sterility researchers from Harvard investigated a possible link between the consumption of various forms of meat and “semen quality.”

They looked at 364 semen samples from 156 men. These subjects had come to the Massachusetts General Hospital Fertility Center with their female partners to be evaluated for possible fertility problems.

The results?

Processed meat intake was associated with lower percent morphologically normal sperm while white meat fish intake was associated with higher percent morphologically normal sperm. Dark meat fish intake was related to higher total sperm count.

More precisely, men who ate the most processed meat (between .39 and 2.79 servings per day) had 1.4% fewer sperm that were of a size and shape of normal size compared to men who ate less processed meat. Abnormal sperm morphology is believed to negatively impact the odds of fertility.

Conversely, men who at the highest amount of white fish meat (between .1 and .51 servings per day) had 1.6% more morphologically normal sperm than those who at the least (.02 servings per day or fewer).

And dark fish meat seemed to have an impact on subjects’ sperm count. Men who ate between 0.16 and 0.86 servings of tuna, salmon, or similar fish per day had a 34% higher sperm count than those with dark meat fish intake below .02 servings per day.

The researchers don’t yet know of an explanation for these differences, but if they are accurate, it looks like you wouldn’t need to eat too many fish in order to boost your sperm count and quality. After all, .1 servings per day is only one serving every 10 days.

[via Chron.com]

(212): When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.

(727): So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.

(607): I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it.

The drive-thru lane is no stranger to pranks — from Batman stealing customers’ grub to pranksters hacking into the system to scream obscenities at customers — but this particular brand of joke is pretty darn good. Mostly because it makes grown adults disintegrate into shrieking, terrified little children.

It appears that drive-thru workers fooled by YouTube’s resident fast food prankster MagicofRahat forgot two very simple things:

1. Skeletons don’t need to eat because they are skeletons, thus, they won’t be ordering fast food and

2. Skeletons can’t drive because they’re missing bodily tissues and ALSO THEY ARE DEAD. Can’t blame’em because skeletons are never not scary.

We’re glad there are still some things out there that can reduce people of any age into quivering masses of frightened delight, all for our entertainment , of course. Heck, at least these workers take the whole thing a lot better than when you order at McDonald’s through a Transformers voice distortion helmet.

It’s been more than six weeks since the Justice Dept. rained on the planned wedding between US Airways and American Airlines, and it looks like the fate of the two carriers may be further delayed by the current shutdown of the federal government. Earlier today, lawyers for the DOJ filed a motion for a stay in its lawsuit to block the merger because the shutdown is “creating difficulties for the Department to perform the functions necessary to support its litigation efforts.” [via Reuters]