Jill V

Logan, the (probably) last of Hugh Jackman’s standalone Wolverine movies, now has a brutal second trailer. Jackman took a pay cut so they could make it R rated, and it shows. After all, as was already made clear, “In the real world, people die.”

We’re also finally able to talk about the first 40 minutes of the movie, which director James Mangold screened at the Butt-Numb-A-Thon film marathon in Austin, Texas, for a select group of lucky so-and-so’s including UPROXX’s own Mike Ryan, who described the plot a bit:

It’s 2029 and [Wolverine’s] a limo driver in the American Southwest — we see a montage of poor Logan driving around a lot of annoying and drunk people. A few minutes after that he’s attacked by members of a dug cartel who probably picked the wrong limo driver to mess with — one member of the cartel gets an adamantium claw all the way through the front of his head and out the other end. (Yes, this movie is rated R. There are also a lot of cuss words.)

Logan lives in an old rundown house with Caliban (Stephen Merchant), a mutant who can detect other mutants. Living in an abandoned, fallen water tower out back is a now somewhat senile Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart).

More about the first 40 minutes is available here, and we also have more of the recently-released photos:

Logan will be intense as hell in theaters on March 3rd, 2017.

(Via 20th Century Fox)

As of about a week ago, I didn’t feel like I needed to know anything more about furry culture. They love humanoid animals and dressing up like plush toys, which may or may not include f*cking each other. Cool, man! Everyone’s gotta have interests! In the age of the internet, and speaking as a guy who’s attended Comic-Con, the AVNs, Gathering of the Juggalos, and bondage film premieres, the idea of a group of people sharing a a strange fetish in and of itself isn’t a huge source of fascination anymore. Rule 34, etc.

Nonetheless, when I was offered an interview with Dominic Rodriguez, director of the newly released documentary Fursonas, and a furry himself, I figured, why not? Interviews are easy, and maybe I’d learn something. I turned on Fursonas, figuring I could watch a few minutes and it’d help me think of something to ask besides So, how do you clean semen off of plush? Once I started Fursonas, I found I couldn’t turn it off.

The first few furries profiled were revealed to be lonely, possibly broken people — no surprise there. Like “Boomer,” a Pittsburgh man named Gary Matthews who wears his shoulder-length hair with dog-ear-like bubbles on top of his head and who tried to legally change his name to “Boomer the Dog.” Watching Boomer walk down the street in his $7 dog costume made of shredded paper is a little like watching a car crash at first.

As time goes on, however, you can’t help but be charmed by the genuine fulfillment the characters seem to derive from their hobby, Boomer included. Few things are as endearing as watching someone live whatever weird dream they had for themselves, society be damned. Aww, I wish anything made me as happy as Dave is when he’s getting beaten across the testicles with a rubber chicken.

Even so, the beauty of self-acceptance can only occupy so much screen time, and before long, Fursonas introduces us to “Uncle Kage,” a cartoon-voiced Pennsylvanian who appears almost exclusively without his fur suit (unlike some other Fursonas characters who prefer to remain anonymous). He starts off seeming like the ideal furry spokesperson: open, unassuming, articulate, and singularly capable of explaining what makes furries tick in a way that even skeptics and outsiders can understand. “We’re childhood outcasts who, denied the acceptance of our peers, found that acceptance in the welcoming arms of cartoon animals. And people who, as adults, never forgot our old friends.”

Hey, that makes sense. This Kage guy, he makes furrydom sound damn near reasonable. Fursonas shows him giving media training to help furries deal with the media as well as he can, and it seems like a worthwhile goal. He teaches them how to deflect questions about furry sex without outright denials — neutralizing sensationalism without committing perjury.

But Fursonas… It’s got levels, man.

And as Rodriguez peels back the layers, we start to see a darker side of Kage, where the seemingly reasonable goal of mainstream furry acceptance appears to justify for him some harsh treatment and intolerance towards anyone within his community who might represent furries badly in the media. And, in so doing, reflect poorly on him. (Kage is quite transparent about his motivation, which humanizes him even as you turn against him).

The rub, without stating it too cheesily, is that Fursonas is about more than just furries. It raises relevant questions for any group trying to avoid being dismissed and disenfranchised (along with the sub-question of whether being dismissed is tantamount to being disenfranchised). What does mass acceptance mean, and what sacrifices is it worth?

You can see where Kage’s coming from, not wanting strangers to assume he’s like Boomer, even as he says unnecessarily cruel things about Boomer. You wonder if Kage’s the worst kind of hypocrite — a self-appointed, dictatorial leader of a group originally built as a refuge from enforced conformity and social norms. Fursonas finds furries who love him and furries who hate him, and you wonder if they’re both right. Does every ostracized group need to go through its Huxtable phase, putting on a sweater to show the mainstream that they’re not so scary? Or is furry-on-furry discrimination the result of internalized oppression?

The important takeaway from Fursonas, which is true for virtually any group, is that while from far away they might seem like a monolithic bloc, the reality is that the community encompasses a variety of types, and is made up of a somewhat diverse group of people who don’t always agree on things.

Dominic Rodriguez is one of the only people on Earth who could’ve told this story, being both a filmmaker and a furry. I got the chance to pick the 25-year-old first-time filmmaker’s brain the other day, and there was almost too much to cover.

So you are a furry?

I am, yes.

When did you first know? When was it a conscious thing?

When you’re talking about like… I consider furry like an identity, that sort of thing. It was a process, it started when I was like 12. When I first started to get interested in the idea of anthropomorphic art and stuff like that that I was finding online. And porn, obviously. It was not a conscious… I guess you could say I was in denial. It was not something that I wanted to share with people. I didn’t consider myself to be a “furry,” I just was interested in it. But I guess the definition of “furry” is anybody interested in this stuff. Over time, for two years working on this documentary, my crew didn’t even know that this was a part of my life. I was very closed off about it.

Interesting.

I’m amazed they would ever talk to me again after I lied to them about something that huge. The project was about being honest with… I was trying to get people to be honest with me and it seemed hypocritical to not be honest with them. Also, I was getting more into it as the film was going on, so when I started I didn’t have a suit. I actually kind of thought suits were a little creepy when I started. Now I love it, and I have a suit, and I drank the Kool-Aid.

How often do you wear the suit?

Whenever I get the chance. If it were up to me, I would go to a convention every month, but I’m not always able to do that. I’ve been able to go to way more now that I’m promoting the movie and stuff like that, so that’s been fun.

In the movie, I forget which character it is, but he says that he thinks that 80 percent of furries are male and 80 percent of those are gay. Was that true for you? Was there a coming out process as a furry and another kind of coming out at the same time?

Oh yeah, definitely. First, I feel like I should acknowledge that I feel like you get it, because you are like “this person says,” you didn’t just say “…now 80 percent of furries are gay.”

I feel like so many articles, they just accept that as if he’s a scientist and he did this super legitimate study or something. It’s mentioned in such a throw away manner. He’s just talking about his experience.

I’d say in my experience that’s pretty true though. Definitely, I’m gay, and one of the things that I sort of think is that… This runs pretty deep for me, and I feel like I didn’t choose being a furry, but I feel like being gay was more of a choice for me than being a furry.

Really? Why do you say that?

For me, it’s like furry is something I think about every day, in the sense that I feel like it informs my life more. When you’re talking about labels and stuff like that, I feel like I use the label “gay” for other people. You know, to understand me. That’s not something that I feel like I need to define, but everybody wants to put things into little boxes and categorize and make sense of things, so that’s not something I take as seriously I guess.

Do you think accepting a queer identity makes it easier to accept a furry identity? Do you think those are connected in that way?

Yeah, I think so. I keep using the word identity, and the thing is it’s like… This is still just my experience and my opinion, there’s a million people that are going to comment on this article that say “Well no, he’s wrong, blah blah.” I think that calling it a hobby does it a disservice, because I think it is more of an identity for a lot of people.

When you’re saying people just put that fact in their article as if it were a scientific study, that was going to be one of my other questions. When you’re shooting a documentary and you’re shooting a character talking, and he’s saying something that you don’t necessarily agree with yourself, do you feel like you have to present it in a way that it doesn’t feel like an endorsement?

I think, as far as documentary filmmaking goes, in the broader sense, I feel like there’s two ways to approach that. There’s the documentaries that, everything you’re hearing is meant to be truth. Usually, if you’re talking about history or science or things like that, that’s the truth. You know?

I’m exploring more kind of like vague ideas of people and what makes them tick and stuff, and so for me, the kind of documentary that I want to make is that there is no truth other than that this person is saying this at this point in time. That’s the only thing that you can know for sure. I made a big effort with the movie to take away any one voice of authority, and give it more to a bunch of people. That’s why I don’t agree with Uncle Kage, because I feel like that’s one voice of authority. That’s why I also didn’t interview any psychologists. The moment you hear a psychologist talk, you’re like “Oh, this is true,” and I just didn’t want to do that.

Tell us about the Uncle Kage character and the role he plays in the community.

He is the chairman of Anthrocon. Anthrocon is the largest furry convention in the world, and it’s in Pittsburgh. He is definitely an authority figure, and I think a lot of furries don’t take him necessarily that seriously. The way I feel about it is that he kind of has the power that people give him, and if you don’t really care then it doesn’t really make that much of a difference. I think some furries make the mistake that that means that it doesn’t matter what he says or what he does, because I think he still is an authority figure and he still influences a lot of people. Especially new furries that are coming into the scene, and look up at this guy who seems to know what he’s talking about. I think it represents a way of thinking that I disagree with, that is basically like “What’s good for the community is more important than what’s good for you individually, and your needs to express yourself should be secondary.” And I think the opposite.

Is that part of the first stage of mainstream acceptance, trying to show that “Hey, we’re still super normal.” Is he sort of just trying to make that step happen?

I think that that’s… God, it’s so complicated. Yes. The answer is “yes” to that in the sense that he wants furry to be seen as force of good. I’ve talked to a lot of furries about this, but obviously I disagree with his approach, and then other furries have said like “Well, yeah, but you know why he’s doing it right? He’s doing it to protect us, and he’s doing it for the greater good.” You know? I think that the thing about that is, maybe there was a time when what we needed was that kind of treatment, like to be super super careful, and not let anybody talk to the media unless they were just amazing representatives. Maybe back in the late ’90s, early 2000s, when you had stuff like the CSI episode and that was all people knew furries from. Maybe then we had to be more careful. I still would question that, but okay I can buy that.

The thing is that it’s 2016, and we’re having much more complicated conversations about identity and transgender issues, and all this stuff, and I think that we don’t need to be as careful anymore, I don’t think. I think that it’s actually going to be counter-productive, because I think the way you endear people to something is you just be real with them, instead of showing them a PR commercial.

Is there a parallel between the “freakier furries” versus the ones who sort of pass, is there a parallel between that, and sort of the history of gay rights and the trans movement? Were you conscious of parallels between furrydom and other things?

No, I was always trying to think about that stuff. You can’t not. Even before I knew what I was going to encounter, I wanted the movie to be about more than furries, and I wanted it to be a window into people, into community. I think that the problems that this community faces are not unique to furry.

Is part of the conflict that you’re trying to come together under one label but then still maintain a diversity of view points within that?

Yeah, absolutely.

It feels like there’s sort of a burden of representation, where if you talk to the press, you know that whatever you say they’re going to apply to every furry.

I’ve been sort of tested now, because for years I’ve been saying “What are you guys so worried about? Why can’t you just be real with me? I’m not going to exploit you. I’m actually going to make something real and something that people can care about.” Now, I’m the one that has to go and be the furry spokesman, and answer your questions about being a furry, so I kind of get where they’re coming from. It’s different when you’re in the hot seat, so I identify with that pressure. I still feel like, I made the movie and I’m defending the movie and I think that we shouldn’t apologize for who we are.

When we talk about acceptance, what would that even be? For furries to be “accepted,” what would that entail?

I don’t know what they want. Somebody made a comment, it wasn’t in the movie, but he was like, “What do we want? Like national furry day?” It’s never good enough, because they have these impossibly high expectations for what the furry ideal is. They want to be seen as this force of good, and it’s just impossible because gay people aren’t seen as a force of good, they just are. Same could be said for religious things. I think the best thing we can hope for is that people aren’t giving us shit, that people just don’t care that much. I think people don’t care that much. I think that the people that care the most are furries. I think that the public is not out to get us as much as the furries have convinced themselves that it is.

Fursonas is available across all digital VOD platforms today. 

Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator. Fan FilmDrunk on Facebook, find the latest movie reviews here.

Previous Pattern Behavior cartoons by Natalie Kossar can be found here.

Read more Pattern Behavior Cartoons by Natalie Kossar at The Toast.

I was unlucky enough to encounter a bad client a few years back, when I was still relatively green. I foolishly committed to doing a few pieces for him, not realizing what I was getting myself into.

It didn’t take me long to figure it out: his rates were awful, and it gradually dawned on me that I was basically writing for a content farm. After finishing the work I’d promised, I civilly terminated our relationship.

Then he decided he could get away with not paying me, either feigning ignorance on invoices I sent or dodging my efforts to contact him. 

I was pretty livid, but it was clear my current tactics weren’t working…so I mixed things up a bit. I proceeded to get in touch with every single website I wrote for while working for him, requesting that they ask after him and I made it absolutely clear why I needed them to do so. Eventually, he contacted me.

Client: (via email) PAYMENT INFORMATION. 

That was pretty much it: just those two words. I forwarded him my invoice, and it was paid within the hour. 

It was a big deal to central Florida Mormons when the Orlando Temple opened its doors in 1994--not just because prior to its construction, the closest Latter-Day Saint temple was a whopping seven hours away in Atlanta; my mom would drive up with her single friends and they would get Steak N Shake on the way and it seemed to be the greatest joy of her life, after her precious daughters of course--but also because with it came the temple bookstore, Boyd’s Books. When I was baptized at age eight and received my first four-in-one, the maroon leather scriptures with my gold-embossed name on the cover came from Boyd’s. When we went to the temple on my mother and stepfather’s wedding day, my grandmother took me to Boyd’s to pick something out for the weekend I would be spending at her house. And when I turned twelve and was old enough for youth trips to the temple, we always hit Boyd’s beforehand, where I eventually picked up novels one through six of Lael Littke’s Bee Theres series.

Marybeth, Becca, Carlie, Elena, Sunshine, Ducky: I wouldn’t have found them in the Barnes & Noble, if I had bothered to look. My parents were better about stuffing cash into their perpetual reading machine if they could be sure the books didn’t contain anything risque, and my own meager funds were reserved for Harry Potter. There was something of a split where the Bee Theres were concerned; I didn’t swap them with my sister, as we did with a lot of books, nor did I talk to my best friend about them. I’m not even sure that my friends at church ever read any of them. At the time, my pleasure in reading about Girls Like Me was tempered by the niggling sense that it was kind of uncool to enjoy Deseret Fiction so much.

Read more “Bee Theres”: The Mormon YA of My Youth at The Toast.

"Oh heck, they published what The Rock eats every day? SWEET. I'm gonna eat everything the Rock eats, fill my body with some mighty power, lift some cars up."

DWAYNE JOHNSON'S DIET
MEAL 1
10 oz cod
2 whole eggs
2 cups oatmeal

HOLY CROW, The Rock starts his day with fish and oatmeal? I'm tappin' out, man, I'm tappin' out. I am OUTTA here.

ok what else we got here though

MEAL 2
8 oz cod
12 oz sweet potato
1 cup veggies

DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON YOU JUST HAD A WHOLE THING OF COD A MINUTE AGO HOW MANY CODS HAVE YOU GOT STUFFED UP IN YOUR FRIDGE MY MAN?? I MEAN

Read more My Real-Time Response To Learning What The Rock Eats Every Day at The Toast.

Onboard shuttle Endeavour in 1992


As Lt Palmer in TNG s06e24, "Second Chances"

simpleescapism:

flavorcountry:

Dr. Mae Jemison, MD, the first black woman in space and first actual astronaut to appear on a Star Trek show, one of the very few people on this planet of whom two pictures can be posted depicting them doing their job on a spaceship with entirely different contexts.

Holy shit this is a serious contender for the best post I’ve ever seen on tumblr.

yesssssssssssssss

Client: We need it to be loudly subtle, but peppered with frivolity that is harbored in a unique sense of aesthetic chaos.  Remember to keep it simple, clean and concise; however, you may feel free to experiment with the underlying subtext of the piece.  Contrast.  Juxtaposition.  Opposites.  It needs to scream at you, while remaining silently enraged.

Me: That all sounds great, but keep in mind that this is a 2.625” x 1” mailing label.

Client: Oh, sure! Just make sure our logo is on it.

Dear Femputer,

A: I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. Things have been going great between us, except for one thing: ever since I got a promotion at work two months ago, I've barely seen him. He says he's excited for me, but whenever I get home late, he has a little comment to make about it. I know it will probably just take time, but is there anything I can do to help him understand that just because I'm doing well in my career doesn't mean he's going to start coming second in my life?

A: Kick him in the neck until there is no neck

Read more Advice From Femputer at The Toast.

About three and a half years ago, local restaurant publicists and brothers Jared and Steve Rivera decided to launch an app that collected the food recommendations of chefs — the idea being that who better to ask where to eat in any given city than the chefs who live and eat there. [ more › ]

Drunken brawling, awkward leggings, pre-modern Band-aids, and other strange slices of medieval life

We got a kick out of this recent io9 post fact-checking 10 misconceptions about the Middle Ages. Drawing on a particularly awesome r/AskHistorians thread, the post untangles popular myths about the “Dark Ages,” including that peasants were all the same (NOT), and that women never pursued a trade (FAKE).

As manuscripts curators who spend our days studying the visual evidence of the Middle Ages (and our nights watching fantasy shows), we’d like to offer yet more visual ammo to debunk four of our favorite myths.

FALSE: People had horrible table manners, throwing bones and scraps on the floor

Pretty much every fantasy/medieval story has that “Scene In A Rowdy Inn” where filthy travelers guzzle beer and gnaw the meat off giant bones. But in the Middle Ages, there were indeed rules for etiquette—some even pulled from the customs of ancient Rome.

This illumination is based on Valerius Maximus’ Concerning Morals and Customs, a compilation of stories about ancient mores and heroes written in the 1st century A.D. You can see two sets of dining experiences, with classist and moral undertones, happening at once in this image. At the top right is the nobility, dining over a white cloth of honor, their perfect posture bordering on stiff. At the front, by contrast, a boisterous bunch of peasants gets wasted.

So yeah: In the Middle Ages there was a clear concept of table manners, at least among the rich. But while the nobles are inherently better-behaved (according to this illustration paid for by nobles, anyway…), the pleasure-loving peasants don’t have it so bad. Also, if you’ve fallen completely off the table, do judgy concepts of table manners even still apply?

FALSE: Men’s clothing was always practical and functional

In a word: leggings.

Extremely wedgie-inducing, leggings-as-pants were the subject of great debate, then as now. In mid-15th-century England there was even a law about who could wear short tunics that revealed the male buttocks. Surprise! Only the rich.

More on this medieval fashion faux-pas here.

FALSE: Medicine was based on pure superstition

Surgeons and doctors existed in the Middle Ages, and while some treatments were a bit scary by today’s standards (bloodletting was a thing), they were quite logical.

Then as now, many medicines were drawn from plants. Saint Fiacre, shown here, was the patron saint of gardeners and disease-sufferers, a handy combo. (Fun fact: hemorrhoids were called “the figs of Saint Fiacre.”) In the story that inspired this illumination, the “hey, you!” lady in the background is so amazed by Saint Fiacre’s green-thumb-slash-healing-powers that she accuses him of practicing witchcraft. But if healing and herbology sometimes seemed suspicious, healers like St. Fiacre were also thought to be doing the work of God.

Practical and logical home remedies, like ointments and bandaging, are also seen aplenty in pictures from the Middle Ages. In this illumination depicting the miracle of Saint Jerome removing a thorn from a lion’s paw, a frightened monk in the background rushes in with a gold bowl of ointment and a semi-sheer bandage. In the foreground, Saint Jerome casually, and elegantly, removes the splinter with a pair of gold tweezers. Just because a miracle is occurring doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop at CVS.

Also on the topic of science, in the Middle Ages astrology was hugely important. People at all levels of society were concerned with their star charts, political leaders especially so. From breaking ground for new buildings to waging battle, astrological considerations were taken very seriously. Astrology may seem superstitious to some of us, but it was practiced (some would say, is practiced) much like a science.

FALSE: The most powerful military force consisted of armored knights riding into battle

Sure there were mounted members of the military, but more often than not, soldiers had to fight on the ground. A manuscript in our collection, The Flower of Battle, shows all kinds of medieval weapons, armor, and combat tactics. These two pictures show combat with dagger (top) and staff. Check out the scary guy on the left wielding a cave-man-ish club.

Who knows, this might have been the book that taught Gandalf to fight. Because fantasy books ARE REAL…even if authors sometimes get the facts wrong.

Previously in this series: Two monks invent Christian denominations.

MONK #1: lets throw a dinner party
big feast
invite everybody over
MONK #2: oh yes for sure lets
MONK #1: whats good to eat, what do people like for dinner
MONK #2: one single peacock
MONK #1: will that be enough do you think
MONK #2: well that's what dinner is
a single peacock
so it better be
MONK #1: ok
MONK #2: people will know what to expect so theyll be prepared anyway
MONK #1: ok

 

MONK #1: should we have anything else ready though
just in case
MONK #2: look im telling you
dinner is a single bird
feathers on
all its feathers still on
on a big plate
thats literally what dinner is
MONK #1: ok
MONK #1: sorry i didnt mean to be difficult
MONK #2: dont feel bad about it
i mean it was a little embarrassing but dont worry about it
MONK #1: ok
thanks

Read more Two Medieval Monks Invent Dinner Parties at The Toast.

When Wet Hot American Summer was released to a confused public in 2001, it made $300,000 at the box office and its biggest star was probably either Janeane Garofalo or David Hyde Pierce. Fourteen years later, it’s returning, this time as a TV series on Netflix, and the cast includes Academy Award and Emmy nominees (Bradley Cooper and Amy Poehler), the director of Pitch Perfect 2 (Elizabeth Banks), Detective Elliot Stabler from Law & Order: SVU (Chris Meloni), ANT-MAN (Paul Rudd), and a whole bunch of other people you enjoy, including Michael Ian Black, Ken Marino, Joe LoTruglio, Molly Shannon, Michael Showalter, and David Wain. That’s on top of Josh Charles, Roger Sterling, and all the other newbies to Camp Firewood.

If you wanna smear mud on your ass to celebrate, smear mud on your ass.

The Elders would like a word with you.

The Ritual is about to begin.

Something that has not happened in a thousand years is happening.

You are going to the City. There is only one City. It is only said with a capital C. No one needs to bother saying the name of the City. It is the City.

Read more How To Tell If You Are In A High Fantasy Novel at The Toast.

buy this print!

It's been a little while, but I've got TWO NEW BOOKS headed your way this year! I'm so thrilled!

Coming in June with Scholastic, The Princess and the Pony is a picture book featuring one of the most enduring characters I have ever drawn, that roly-poly pony. Here's an interview I did about it with Wired, ages ago when I started working on it. Good for kids, good for ponies, good for pony lovers (everybody)!

Coming in September with Drawn and quarterly, Step Aside, Pops is a new comics collection in the vein of 2011's Hark! A Vagrant book! Finally! I can't believe it's been such a while. Here is an interview with the LA Times about it. Make a lil' room in that bookshelf!

I'm going to keep the preorder links up there because those sales are good for everyone! For the publishers to have confidence in me, and for a book to appear like a surprise in your mailbox in a few months. I always say I'm going to try and be a better businessperson and this time I'm really going to do it gol dang it! LINKS IT IS!

There are lots of places to order, here's a handy list of booksellers!

Amazon, for Step Aside Pops

Amazon, for Princess and the Pony

Barnes and Noble

Chapters/Indigo

Powell's

You can also pre-order from your local comics shop, and we sure love local comic shops here at Hark A Vagrant.

One of my clients tried forcing me to work over the weekend on their project. The project was a simple poster and invitation to their film screening, so nothing of national importance. When I explained that I wouldn’t be working over the weekend, I received this response:

Client: You are ruining the economy.

Dear Childfree Person,

I am writing to you to share some vital information that has only become available to me in the last couple of years, since I became a parent.

Before that, I was subjected to the same saccharine clichés from parents that you are undoubtedly hearing over and over again. You’re probably being told, like I was, that you never really love until you become a parent. You’re probably hearing a lot about how no love can compare to the love a mother has for her child. Parents might be telling you that you’ll never ever EVER understand what real love feels like unless you become a parent yourself.

Read more Loco Parentis: You Pretty Much Get It at The Toast.

Previously, from the same author.

When my employer called me into his office and granted me paternity leave on the birth of my first child, I had no idea what I was in for. Most of my male coworkers had already left the office at this point, having impregnated willing strangers in order to take twelve weeks' paid time off in exchange for eighteen years of financial and personal responsibility.

"It's twelve weeks' time off," Daniel shouted when he learned he'd successfully created a child with the head of the mechanics department. "I'm going to finally finish my heli-skiing novel!"

I simply wasn't prepared for what all of this free time would do to me. I had planned, of course, to participate actively as a member of the household and as my wife's partner -- grease the dryer, dust the teakettle, rearrange the cat, and so on -- but then, shortly after I walked in the door, I was tragically trapped under something heavy and have been unable to move from this spot in the living room. No one can move this burden from me, save the pure-hearted seventh son of a seventh son, and I do not believe that such a person exists.

Read more I’d Love To Help My Wife Do The Dishes, But I’m Trapped Under Something Heavy at The Toast.

buy this print!

It's always Stupid Medieval Type Joke Day here at Hark A Vagrant


Topatoco's holiday shipping deadlines approach, so get it while it's hot/available!

Clicking on the image will take you to the store. Hooray!!

From Twenty Years a Detective in the Wickedest City in the World, a 1908 book—putatively nonfiction—by Clifton R. Wooldridge, “the Incorruptible Sherlock Holmes of America.”

In his agony [Devel] confessed that the only reason he confessed the murder was that he desired to get hanged, and that he preferred hanging to life with his wife. […]

“I desired to be hung,” said Devel, mournfully. “Life is not worth the living, and with my wife it is worse than death. If I had been hanged no other man would marry my wife, and I would save them from my fate. Many times have I planned to kill myself to escape her. That is sin, and I lack the bravery to kill myself, besides. If they will not hang me I must continue to live with my wife.”

Devel states, among other things, that these are the chief grievances against married life in general, and his wife in particular:

• She was slender, and became fat and strong.
• She was beautiful, and became ugly and coarse.
• She was tender, and grew hard.
• She was loving, and grew virulent.
• She grew whiskers on her chin.
• She called him “pig.”
• She wore untidy clothes, and her hair was unkempt.
• She refused to give him beer.
• Her breath smelled of onions and of garlic.
• She threw hot soup upon him.
• She continually upbraided him because there were no children.
• She scolded him in the presence of neighbors.
• She refused to permit him to bring his friends home.
• She came into his store and scolded him.
• She accused him of infidelity.
• She disturbed him when he slept in the garden on Sundays.
• She made him cook his own dinners.
• She spilled his beer when he drank quietly with friends.
• She told tales about him among the neighbors, and injured his business.
• She served his sausages and his soup cold, and sometimes did not have his meals for him when he came home.
• She did not make the beds nor clean the house.
• She took cards out of his skat deck.
• She talked continually, and scolded him for everything or nothing.
• She opened the windows when he closed them, and closed them when he opened them.
• She poured water into his shoes while he slept.
• She cut off his dachshund’s tail.

These things, he said, made him prefer to be hanged to living with her.

That pickle name is copyright ok 

buy this print!

In Canada, we learn that the Irish American raids of the 1870s provided us with a high horse we like to use even today! Why is America always picking on us? Those guys are jerks, stop invading us with bad plans to trade us for Ireland. Maybe we don't like to be treated that way, you ever think of that? How RUDE.

And for anyone wondering, the gent with the Van Dyke beard would be General John O'Neill, veteran of the American civil war, like many of the volunteers.

wikipedia
online exhibit from Villanova University


Edit to this:

I decided to change the name of comic #364, I'll just give you a brief explanation.

In North America, events of the 1860s/70s wherein Irish Americans invaded Canada are called the Fenian Raids.

Like so.

It's in the textbooks. You get a history book sometime in high school and open it up and there it is, "Fenian raids." And that's the only time you ever hear the word Fenian over here, if people say it, they're talking about some very specific people in the 1860s/70s who called themselves that. Can't say it comes up in conversation much.

Across the ocean, the word means something more, and worse, which I didn't really get the full understanding of until the comic went up - then, of course, people will point things out to you. Still I left it, because I figured maybe it was complex enough to embody a bunch of meanings, including the one I knew. But that doesn't really matter, does it? I don't think so. Who cares if people in North America are unoffended if other people are? That's basic decency math. Anyway I really should have done it sooner, I'm sorry I didn't do it right away.



The store has updated with lots of exciting new things! Were you looking at my Wee The People drawings on tumblr? I was trying to come up with something fun to put in the store. And along with a few other items, here we are! And Josephine Baker shirts are in stock too!

Clicking on the image will take you to the store. Hooray!!