Jim Harbaugh breathes fire.
Maybe you watched the 49ers beat the Panthers 23-10 in their divisional round playoff matchup. Maybe you'd like, I dunno, real analysis or something.
But if neither of those things applies to you, check out our @SBNationGIF recap of the game:
Previously on @SBNationGIF theater: our recap of Seahawks-Saints:
I guess what we're trying to say is: follow @SBNationGIF
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“Space Jam is one of those rare movies that manage to be utterly psychotic both on paper and in execution. There were no ‘Oh, it’ll make sense once you see the finished product’ conversations held about Space Jam. The initial pitch was never distilled into anything more coherent than ‘Michael Jordan teams up with a bunch of licensed cartoon characters to defeat aliens at basketball’ and was only ever revised to include the addendum ‘And also Bill Murray is in it, as Bill Murray.’” — Tom Reimann
man buys animatronic band from chuckee cheese and programs it to perform “pop, lock, and drop it”
this is wonderful
welcome to hell
firehosewhat
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firehosehrm
firehose"YES YES NOW I WANT CHOCOLATE MILK"
We have peak Harbaugh.
I wrote last night that Pete Carroll and Jim Harbaugh are the undisputed top two GIF-able coaches in the NFL. The order depends on your personal preference for the coach freakout over a call, or the coach smug sideline strut. Carroll's strut was in full effect on Saturday, and now it's Harbaugh's turn. The Niners coach was so apoplectic over a late incomplete ruling that he bolted onto the field and incurred a 15-yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct:
Harbaugh was so angry that even Anquan Boldin, the wide receiver who was just head-butting and jawing after almost every play on the drive, tried to calm down his coach on the sideline.
Harbaugh was eventually proven correct, as the refs did overturn the initial call and ruled a Vernon Davis catch a touchdown to put the Niners ahead at the half. After the review, we got a shot of a much more … happy (?) Harbaugh.
• SB Nation's 2014 NFL playoff coverage and brackets
• Beast Quake: The greatest TD run in NFL playoff history
• Celebrity Hot Tub's playoff predictions: Mom rock and deputy mayors
• Breaking Madden: Never count out 'Touchdown' Tom Brady
• PFT Commenter: The NFL's All-Narrative team | Chilton: All-Disappointment
• NFL mock draft: Teddy Bridgewater is (almost) everyone's No. 1 pick
After losing her leg in a hit-and-run incident, Insomniac Games intern Ana Kessel faces mounting medical bills related to her treatment. In an effort to help Kessel, Insomniac has covered a new, Microsoft-donated Xbox One in signatures and put the ...
firehose'you can buy all of Wisdom Tree’s stuff for PC too, for way way less. Including Spiritual Warfare, the best Christian Zelda clone you could ask for! Although PC in this case means “pre-Windows Vista computer,” just FYI.'
Wisdom Tree’s Super 3D Noah’s Ark is being reprinted! For SNES! If you’re not familiar with this particular unlicensed game, it’s a Wolfenstein 3D-esque (and based on Wolfenstein 3D source code, reportedly!) first-person shooter in which you, as Noah, pelt animals with fruit to put them to sleep.
The original version used a crazy pass-through system to get through Nintendo’s lockout against unlicensed software, but Wisdom Tree’s photo shows a real cart for this re-release. Good for them!
The SNES version will cost a pricey $69.99, but I just found out that you can buy all of Wisdom Tree’s stuff for PC too, for way way less. Including Spiritual Warfare, the best Christian Zelda clone you could ask for! Although PC in this case means “pre-Windows Vista computer,” just FYI.
BUY Nintendo 2DS & 3DS/XL, upcoming games
firehoseXCOM XCOM XCOM
In your phone!
By Carles Pagès | Thread
In your browser!
By Aleksander Guryanov | Thread
In your house!
NOTE: Third-party ports are not made by the OpenXcom team. Please contact the respective developers for any inquiries and support. Reports of aliens under your bed have not yet been confirmed. Stay vigilant.
firehose'Shop at literally breakneck speeds, avoiding other shoppers and trying to fill randomly generated lists. It’s funny because you go so fast that you can’t help but order thousands of dollars of worthless junk, consuming at the rate of why is this cart so fast that I can literally die piloting it toward the things I need to buy to generate the illusion of my children loving me.'
By Porpentine on January 12th, 2014 at 2:00 pm.
Undead and disabled. Supermarket carnage. Tender star quest.
Mazing by Ryleigh Kostash
The elements are primordial: Run through a maze, grab a key, avoid the monsters, get to the exit. But Mazing lets you break the rules. You can hop over walls.
Jumping has a cooldown, so using it efficiently is life or death, especially in later levels where monsters SWARM the maze and a less than perfect jump gets you ate.
I really like this. It feels good to break the rule of the walls. Makes me feel like a skulking cartoon burglar. Just the right amount of things to think about: mazeshape monsterpath whentojump.
Dating Sim by Kyle Reimergartin
Finally a game that captures what dating is REALLY like
NOISY DISORIENTING DOOMED
You Only Get One Chance by danman9914
Choose the best object to fulfill three tasks. You only get one object! Funny to pick the best object for most of the conditions, killing a vampire and setting a fire with an axe, then realize you’re dropping it on a baby. It’s for the greater good…
The conditions are repetitive though, I’d like to see more variety.
Lucid by AC Atienza
Calm, reflective star journey in hypertext.
You occupy a body that is beyond human, modified to breath toxic atmosphere and regenerate during sleep, but not so explicitly described, nor gendered. The writing lends a feeling of detachment to even moments of bodily trauma. I felt like I was dwelling in a robot chassis. I found Arden’s perspective on that choice interesting: “Sometimes I feel like a strange monster trapped inside my human body, uncertain of how even I feel about it, and Lucid didn’t tell me I was wrong – it told me I was important.”
From the main menu of the game, a link entitled Fragments: “Your body is not what you are born with but rather what you make for yourself.” This ephemeral attitude toward bodies extends to others as well. [SPOILERS] When you’re talking about the fox, the construct refers to the uncertain nature of the fox, but doesn’t state it in terms of shapeshifting, instead suggesting that your impression of others is more about you than them. And you know, that’s pretty much correct.
Dojo of Death by nicotuason
One button ninja slaughter. The streamlined controls–move toward mouse cursor, click to dash–unify mind and body into a killing machine. I like the death animation, frozen as a fountain of blood sprays to the sky.
Ernesto by Daniel Benmergui
Puzzley roguelike that reminds me of Desktop Dungeon’s deterministic decision-making. The dungeon is abstracted to a grid of objects, a field of pure choice where you decide the best order to receive monsters, traps, medkits, weapons.
Your movement leaves a trail behind you. The trail, like in Snake, cannot cross itself, so you want the most efficient path that doesn’t kill you (while muscling up for the endgame boss). You can undo moves by clicking down the line, as long as you haven’t actually died.
Last Chance Supermarket by Sebastian Lague
Shop at literally breakneck speeds, avoiding other shoppers and trying to fill randomly generated lists. It’s funny because you go so fast that you can’t help but order thousands of dollars of worthless junk, consuming at the rate of why is this cart so fast that I can literally die piloting it toward the things I need to buy to generate the illusion of my children loving me.
Zombie Ninja Confessional by Whisperbat
Disability explored through a zombie ninja protagonist. You have action points to spend every day on taking care of yourself and maintaining your environment. Entropy laps at every action. Catching up seems impossible.
Whisperbat writes: “”zombie” being a metaphor for physical atrophy, and “ninja” referring to beloved hobbies and sports that you can no longer participate in, and able-bodied friends that you can no longer be in the company of.”
Your flesh is rotting. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? Part of being disabled is being subject to society’s eugenic perspective that you’re basically already dead, consigned to the trash heap by your impaired productivity. The aesthetic of evil as diseased, pus-dripping, and deformed is pretty ableist. I identify more with diseased mutants, with their blemishes and distorted movements, than healthy physically fit humans. History is written by the healthy.
Framed as a strategy/management game, which is interesting, because those tend to be efficient, with fairly logical returns based on your actions. But clicking the Relax command doesn’t guarantee anything. Because just as in real life, “Due to a combination of pain and stress you are unable to properly relax.” Making the “right” decisions doesn’t always do shit. Zombie Ninja Confessional is as fragile as the protagonist’s decaying flesh, reminding me of HORSEMASTER’s desperate decisions.
A lot of strategy games are in line with a harsh, Randian universe. Make the right decisions and you’ll be fine. Fuck up and you deserved it, you scrounger. Some of the simulations I’ve seen in recent years come from a different perspective, one that models an unfair universe where you can’t always tick off all the checkboxes and get a cookie. Sometimes the checkboxes multiply, sometimes they’re invisible. No one has all the options arrayed in front of them.
When your health drops to 0, the game forgets when you last ate or took your pills. Because pain impairs memory. It’s part of the downward spiral. So it’s not just about making the right decisions, it’s about being aware of whether any decisions exist at all. Everything in this game stresses the need for communal care, not the ruthless survival of the fittest practiced by certain governments.
The art complements the theme of having no energy. Black and white scribbles, the bare minimum of noise to convey something, anything at all. The games we make under physical duress. Many of my own games were made in poor health, so I understand the lean, scant claddings. Art is an extension of our bodies.
firehose'Considering the fact that Flair (real name: Richard Fliehr) has an outstanding warrant for his arrest in Mecklenburg County, he might want to think twice before tackling a playoff visit.'
It's the stylin', profilin', limousine-ridin', jet-flyin' ... outstanding warrant for your arrest.
The betrayal of Ric Flair is well-documented at this point. He gave a pep talk to the Niners and supported them on Twitter against the Packers last week. Fans were crushed. Word got out he wouldn't be at the Niners-Panthers Divisional round playoff game in Charlotte on Sunday. Many thought it was because of the threats he received after outing himself as a turncoat. The Charlotte Business Journal reports that there's ... probably a different reason.
Considering the fact that Flair (real name: Richard Fliehr) has an outstanding warrant for his arrest in Mecklenburg County, he might want to think twice before tackling a playoff visit.
On July 3, Mecklenburg District Court Judge Christy T. Mann signed an order for the arrest of one Richard Fliehr on contempt of court violations. Legal documents show the former wrestler failed to meet the terms of a June 18 order.
That order called for the wrestler to pay $32,352.51 in unpaid post-separation support and legal fees by 5 p.m. on June 27 and maintain support of his estranged spouse's car lease and insurance and health insurance, documents show.
It has been a rough couple of decades for Flair, legally and monetarily speaking. Grantland put together a comprehensive timeline of Flair's run-ins with the courts and the IRS in 2011.
firehosewelcome to Portland
My people, I love you so much, however lately, I feel like the urban challenges of our current times are leading you astray from the true beauty of your souls and the reason I love you the best! Let it not be lost!
Do you remember the green hills of the shire? Do you remember what it's like to enjoy your work and life, instead of your status and your twitter re-tweets? Let us not pretend we are like New York, Las Vegas, or LA or any other place, I see people doing that and it always is ridiculous. We are Portland, we appreciate the means as much as the outcome. We are THE remnant of the laid back West Coast, while California is ever driven more into it's image-conscious vortex of whos with who and where and when, and who has the most kombucha in the fridge, and who has ridden elephants in india or not, and who has children with special needs or not.
Lets not extend the high school prom drama into our adult lives. Let us get our halfling leaf and sit next to our hobbit holes and drink our brews and prove to the world we are really a gem of superior spirit, warmth and resourcefulness in a sea of big old trees!
PS I swear to you all, I am not (very) high while writing this. But seriously, Portland, you will feel better if you stop being a dick to people, stop caring what other people think and simply enjoy yourselves and the company of your friends.
Hobbits don't care what the outside world thinks of them either, btw.
Yes I just re-marathoned the entire LOTR trilogy. So what!? Portland has ALWAYS been the Shire for me.
firehoseattn: otters
firehose'The viewer doesn’t need to accept Margaret’s argument that compares her own killer’s mercy with that of the Doctor, because the really significant action of the scene is happening in Christopher Eccleston’s eyes. Badland’s own performance makes it clear that Margaret is just trying every line of attack she can find to weaken the Doctor’s resolve. It doesn’t work, necessarily, but the Doctor realizes he cannot entirely rebut the notion that he is, for all his good intentions, a destructive, even capricious force in so many lives.'
“Boom Town” (season 1, episode 11; originally aired 6/4/2005)
(Available on Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon Instant Video.)
“Just go in there and tell her the Doctor would like to see her.” “Doctor who?” “Just the Doctor. Tell her exactly that. The Doctor.” “Hang on a tick... The Lord Mayor says thank you for popping by. She’d love to have a chat, but, she’s up to her eyes in paperwork. Perhaps if you could make an appointment for next week?” “She’s climbing out of the window, isn’t she?” “Yes, she is.”
When Russell T. Davies delivered his Doctor Who pitch document to the BBC in the fall of 2003, he already had clear plans in mind for almost all of the stories that would ultimately comprise the revival’s first season. The lone exception, as Shannon Patrick Sullivan’s indispensable “A Brief History of Time (Travel)” explains, is “Boom Town.” In his ...
firehosegreat
firehoseDC Comics beat
You're gunning for a division championship game. Gotta make sure your cleat game is outrageous.
It's been a wild ride for Cam Newton's pre-game cleats this year. But on Sunday, before the Niners-Panthers Divisional Round playoff game, things reached a whole new level.
Cam's cleats were straight gaudy today. http://t.co/7SZEc5R2X0 pic.twitter.com/3psKp2ZOW9
— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) January 12, 2014
SuperCam's cleats. #SFvsCAR pic.twitter.com/0B78nS6sha
— Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) January 12, 2014
I'm just going to choose to believe this is an homage to the Snake Mountain toy from the Masters of the Universe line. Right, Cam? A little Skeletor shout-out? Because otherwise ... yuck.
UPDATE: Yep, totally thought these were purple. But they're not. Check out the back of the cleats, where things reach another level of "what the hell are you wearing?"
These are the cleats Cam Newton is wearing today http://t.co/bc3OHEfuEa #Panthers pic.twitter.com/AkG0csgjVC
— TDdaily (@TDdaily) January 12, 2014
(h/t to Will Brinson)
firehoseR.O.F.L
Despite another disappointing season, Jerry Jones will not be making any drastic changes to the Cowboys' coaching staff. Bill Callahan will continue to call plays in 2014.
The Dallas Cowboys continued to disappoint in 2013, but owner Jerry Jones is sticking with the status quo for now. Offensive coordinator Bill Callahan will continue calling the plays in place of head coach Jason Garrett next season, according to CBS Sports' Jason La Canfora.
Callahan took over playcalling duties before the season began. Towards the end of the season, the coaching staff changed the way plays got called in to quarterback Tony Romo. The Cowboys had another mediocre season under the new system, finishing 8-8 for the third year in a row and missing the playoffs once again.
Despite the struggles, the Cowboys believe that Callahan's playcalling is not the main reason why the team underachieved. The defense was one of the worst in the league under first-year coordinator Monte Kiffin, who is still on staff at the moment. Jones has defended his decision to hire Kiffin and let him install the Tampa 2 defense, which was carved up by several teams this year.
• SB Nation's 2014 NFL playoff coverage and brackets
• Beast Quake: The greatest TD run in NFL playoff history
• Celebrity Hot Tub's playoff predictions: Mom rock and deputy mayors
• Breaking Madden: Never count out 'Touchdown' Tom Brady
• PFT Commenter: The NFL's All-Narrative team | Chilton: All-Disappointment
• NFL mock draft: Teddy Bridgewater is (almost) everyone's No. 1 pick
firehosevia Snorkmaiden
In 1976, Dwight E. Robinson, an economist at the University of Washington, studied facial hair of the men who appeared in the Illustrated London News from 1842 to 1972 [pdf].
The remarkable regularity of our wavelike fluctuations suggests a large measure of independence from outside historical events. The innovation of the safety razor and the wars which occurred during the period studied appear to have had negligible effects on the time series. King C. Gillette's patented safety razor began its meteoric sales rise in 1905. But by that year beardlessness had already been on the rise for more than 30 years, and its rate of expansion seems not to have augmented appreciably afterward.
Someone has to update this to the present. I'm pretty sure we're headed towards a bearded peak, if we're not at the top already.
firehosevia willowbl00
Woah, it’s almost as though people who suffer from depression are still human beings with complex feelings and emotions! Who knew?!
Reblogging this for truth and relevance!
firehosevia Russian Sledges
Portraits of Boston is a nice site where a photographer goes around taking people's photos and asking them a question. Today, one of the featured people was a guy walking down the street in the Back Bay with a bunch of flowers for his wife.
A guy who happens to be Secretary of Transportation Richard Davey, as Steve Annear noticed:
"They’re for my wife."
"Is there any particular reason?"
"No. It’s always good not to have a reason."