I dunno, what to call this yet, “Golden Kings” ? “Girls Over The Hill” ?
Hank/Dorothy - Both the most responsible, level headed of the group with serious anger issues. Bill/Rose - Dumbasses with hearts of gold Dale/Sophia - Cruel and mean with a touch and go relationship with reality Boomhauer/Blanche - Southern sluts with complicated relationships with their siblings and commitment issues
Quarantine Society is not merely a fellowship of panicky millennials, nor does it exclude those of college-age on spring break, or boomers who heard the virus can be cured with a $200 tincture of colloidal silver. Rather it is an association of people of all ages, of which good form in social distancing, knowledge of proper sanitizing technique, and instinctive consideration for avoiding the spread of COVID-19 are the credentials by which society the world over recognizes its chosen members, which again, to be clear, is everyone.
Polite Conversation
Ideal conversation must be an exchange of pleasant thoughts, and ought not, as many seem wont to do, just inevitably keep circling back to how long it will be before things get as bad here as they are in Italy.
On the Subject of Business
When conducting business in Quarantine Society, such as joining a Zoom conference, all participants should dress as they would for any in-person business meeting. However, pants need not be worn, and this mutual lack of pants should never be spoken of nor alluded to.
When to Shake Hands and With Whom
Never and with nobody.
The Well-Appointed House
The house should be kept as clean as though you were about to have company over even though you won’t be. This is crucial for keeping indoor air quality below EPA safety thresholds when your spouse, three children, two dogs, and two cats are now suddenly all in the house at all times. It scarcely bears mentioning that this is a purely aspirational aim.
The Considerate Pet Owner
In Quarantine Society, it is not only polite, but essential that pet owners post pictures of their animal companions to social media on an ongoing basis.
On Sharing One’s Pastimes
Pictures of completed puzzles need not be shared on social media.
The Fit Gentleman and Lady
Exercise remains an important element of Quarantine Society. However, social media challenges such as the “See 10, Do 10” push-up challenge are not considered polite, as most people do not enjoy doing push-ups nor do they enjoy seeing their Instagram stories filled with people doing push-ups, thus making them feel even guiltier about not wanting to do said push-ups.
When Singing In Public
Communally singing from balconies and open windows is one of the distinct pleasures of Quarantine Society. However, when singing in a public setting, a polite choir chooses songs by universally well-liked artists such as Billy Joel or Whitney Houston. Avoid singing songs of any genre with the word “rock” in it, songs by artists with a “$” anywhere in their name, or, for that matter, any songs written after 2004.
On Sharing What One Is Eating
Pictures of haphazardly prepared meals such as a salad made of canned tuna, lima beans, and frozen spinach found at the far back of the freezer need not be shared on social media.
When Having a Meal Delivered
If you are having food delivered, the preferred methods for interacting with delivery people are:
Waving to the delivery person while standing on the other side of the glass storm door as if you were an animal at the zoo and your apartment was the enclosure from which there is no escape.
Leaving an envelope filled with cash on the doorstep and instructing the delivery person to leave the food on the porch as if you were conducting a drug deal in a Guy Ritchie movie.
The Virtual Party
When participating in virtual festivities such as Zoom parties, pants need not be worn, and the lack of pants should be neither spoken of nor alluded to.
When On the Hunt For Groceries
When shopping for groceries, the gentleman or lady patronizes only during off-peak hours, such as 9 AM when the rush of shoppers who all thought 7:30 AM would be the optimal off-peak time have finished shopping. Bulk purchases of toilet paper should be made only in the most exceptional of circumstances such as having a family of 12 or more, or a clinically diagnosed case of IBS. Those supporting large families who truly do need 48 rolls of toilet paper should have a wallet-sized family photo ready to present at all times as proof.
On Sharing That Which Is Pretentious and Which Nobody Needs to See
Pictures of Infinite Jest with the caption “Ordered this on Amazon last week, and I’ve already finished reading it! Guess it’s time to re-read War and Peace?” need not be shared on social media.
Summary
The most important element of Quarantine Society is to remember that manners are nothing more than a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, whether or not you currently have pants on.
Starting this Thursday, Dolly Parton will be reading bedtime stories online – the first book is going to be The Little Engine that Could. I don’t have kids myself, but I’m thinking I might stream this for my cats :)
– Petra
Oh my gosh now I totally want to play with for Felicia and Jess and see if they enjoy it as they cat nap :)
This Cat Pouch Hoodie is the Perfect Sweatshirt for you and your adorable cat! It’s made from ultra high quality and soft Fabric so you and your cat can feel comfortable all day! The pet holder pouch has a soft, removable, machine-washable liner that allows for easy cleaning! This Hoodie will make a lovely and meaningful Gift for anyone who owns a cat!
But here is a Google sheet of Covid-19 resources for undocumented folks, a population I’m tremendously worried about regarding all this. My sister-in-law, who works in domestic violence prevention and resources, shared this, so I trust it’s legit.
Spanish version the works, according to the sheet it should be up by 3/23.
My audience is tiny, so if some of y’all don’t mind sharing, I’d be grateful.
So in Minnesota there’s this cultural taboo about taking the last piece. If there’s a group and everyone orders pizza, typically one slice will not be eaten. At the office if someone brings donuts, the last donut will be left alone. Possibly cut in half. Then that half cut in half, but always leaving at least a little on the plate. The reason is it’s considered impolite because someone else might want it. To take the last piece is a desperate thing to do. There’s even an expression: “I wasn’t raised by wolves.” Anyway, here’s the best local facebook post going around right now.
I saw this and thought to myself, thats so strange because thats a thing here in sweden as well, how two different places so far apart can have the same taboo.. and then I remembered something from history class
“I see you’re sick/sad! Let me do my best to distract you from that so you can stop thinking about it and feel better!”
“You’re really excited about this thing and I don’t understand it but I’m trying to be excited about it too because you love it!”
I legitimately cried reading this list.
as an autistic person, i love this list so much. i hope people can recognize these as signs of love when i do them (especially the unstructured time thing, i basically never do that unless you’re super special)
Being 18-25 is like playing a video game where you’ve skipped the tutorial and you’re just sort of running about with no idea how anything works
Being 25-30 is like later on in the game when you’ve figured out how things work, but have made poor leveling decisions along the way and are now horribly underpowered for what you’re supposed to be doing.
Being 30-35 is coming to the conclusion that if wildly swinging a sword at random while screaming has gotten you this far, may as well keep at it.
This is why it’s so important to vote for your local judges after doing a minimal amount of research. Most people just pick whatever judge is there or has a funny name, but this woman is changing the way prisoners are treated and she was voted in by the county. Always do your research before voting for judges, but don’t discount it as unomportant. You may need someone like her on your side one day.
London-based artist Daisy Collingridge layers amorphous blobs of fabric and textiles to form wearable pastel-colored body suits. With names like Burt, Clive, and Lippy, each member of Collingridge’s family has a personality that matches his/her form. Inspired by human anatomy and infused with elements of fantasy and impulse, the artist says that the costumes are an exercise in “pushing quilting to the absolute extreme.”
Each new character begins with the construction of the head. Hand-dyed jersey and other fabric patterns are filled with plastic pellets (beans) and sewn together to form blobs in various shapes and sizes. After the underlying body structure has been formed, Collingridge begins the process of hand-stitching the blobs to the wadding. She tells Colossal that she has never clocked the process but would estimate that it takes around two months on average. The “Dave” suit is named for and modeled by her father who requested it. The others are named “like children,” and are worn and photographed by the artist herself using a remote.
Progress shot
After graduating with a degree in fashion design from Central Saint Martins, Collingridge created her first costume in 2016 for the New Zealand-based design competition, World of Wearable Art. “The squishy idea definitely came from my graduate collection, which was all free machine quilted, but all done with really fat wadding,” she told Dazed Digital. “It wasn’t really your traditional patchwork quilt.”
Some have read Collingridge’s costumes as a commentary on body image and body ideals. “It’s really fascinating because as much as I can tell people what they mean or why I make these costumes, everyone comes at it with such a different view,” she told Dazed. “They are reflective of the human form with elements of fantasy. They neither promote or demote one body type. The idea there is an ‘ideal body’ is ridiculous. We are all so different, my work is more about the ‘ideal’ way to inhabit a body. To be joyous. They bring me joy to create and I hope that is reflected.”
Collingridge tells Colossal that her “Clive” costume is currently on tour as a part of 62 Group’s Ctrl/Shift exhibition, while the rest are at her human family’s home. “My dad unpacked Dave, who has been sitting in the living room over the festive period. He was even treated some Christmas lights.” To see the artist create and model the squishy bodies, follow her on Instagram.
apparently at some point when my now-girlfriend and i were flirting with each other but not quite in a relationship, she asked me how i felt about pet names, to which i replied “well you have to call them something”
the fact that i have managed to end up in a relationship is really testament to my girlfriend’s patience
you ever look at certain american christmas movies and wonder how, seemingly, not a single person during the whole production bothered to look up what a reindeer is? like is there a single piece of animated rudolph the red-nosed reindeer media where rudolph is depicted as a reindeer and not a white-tailed deer?
red nose just because :)
I was aware that almost every depiction of mistletoe in Christmas movies uses holly instead, but I only just realized that almost every Christmas reindeer is actually a white-tailed deer while reading this post.
