Shared posts

01 Mar 22:23

Penny Arcade Store

Robert.mccowen

This is a thing I would like to have. It seems like the rules are simple enough to teach Elliot in a few years.

  • Push Fight
  • Push Fight
  • Push Fight
  • Push Fight
  • Push Fight
Push Fight
Push Fight
Push Fight
Push Fight
Push Fight

$49.99

Created by a Jiu-Jitsu practitioner to train his students, Push Fight is a pure strategy game of positioning, foresight, and force. 

Each player takes turns moving their pieces into advantageous positions, and then pushing with one of their pieces. A back-and-forth game of lures, escapes, and clever aggression ends when a single piece is pushed off the board.


Ages: 8+
Number of players: 2
Playing time: 5-15 minutes

Box Contents
1 solid wood playing board
1 rulebook
10 solid wood play pieces (5 of each color)
1 solid wood red anchor piece

*** Our first batch of Push Fight has sold out, but do not worry! The second batch of inventory is en route and is scheduled to arrive around Christmas week. We don't want to pre-sell any this close to Christmas and mess with holiday shipping lists. I'll post an in-stock date here as soon as I know it for sure. ***

01 Mar 22:19

http://www.publicpolicypolling.com/pdf/2015/GOPResults.pdf

Robert.mccowen

This is a poll of 532 likely Republican primary voters. Look at Q38.

(In PPP's most recent primary poll, Democrats were somewhat divided on the same important issue, with 19% in favor and 36% against.)

26 Feb 18:30

It’s Not Too Early to Shop for the Holidays

by Erik Loomis
Robert.mccowen

If Bethesda Softworks has any brains at all, they'll buy this and turn it into a Fallout theme park.

Q_R5ChVKlRml3tKGh9ARAKREbb7Rj5FD1sMN3GLuU8rt0W-lh2uoHNjrnlC9ZjYuPA9I2vzFGt-qI5IJTIcBryBA1tD-2itWHSr1a_lAD0ewTk6PQmtEwUiAqaN_YQQs

Who needs a nuclear bunker? One is presently for sale!

In Northern Ireland, surrounded by lush green countryside, you can snap up a former nuclear bunker that was a state secret until 2007.

On the market at £575,000, the facility sleeps 236 and includes double blast doors and decontamination chambers.

Imagine the party you can throw for 235 of your best friends. And what a price!

From a commercial kitchen to power generators and oil storage, the facilities were designed to keep residents holed up for as long as 30 days.

The 3.7-acre site is east of the town of Ballymena, the heartland of firebrand Protestant cleric turned peacemaker Ian Paisley until his death in 2014.

Fixtures and fittings are included in the price of the two-storey bunker, which opened in 1990.

1990? Why would someone build a nuclear bunker in 1990?

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16 Feb 22:10

In Conversation: John Oliver

Robert.mccowen

Sharing this in the hope that someday Adam will see it.

With Last Week Tonight, John Oliver has found himself in the curious, and enviable, position of hosting a satirical news show that frequently makes news. Whether it’s by setting up a fake church to show the flimsiness of religious tax exemptions, urging viewers to overload the FCC website’s servers with angry comments as a way to spotlight declining net neutrality, or snagging an interview with Edward Snowden, the 38-year-old Oliver, whose show just began a third season on HBO, has displayed a knack for getting attention with comedy that feels a little like activism. (Though he swears, repeatedly, that the latter is not the point.) Over two long interviews at the show’s offices on Manhattan’s far West Side, Oliver, an intensely self-deprecating (that is, English) and far more low-key presence than his righteously aggrieved on-air persona suggests, talked about what he’s learned from his old Daily Show boss, Jon Stewart, being an outsider in America, and the simple pleasure of calling someone a dirty word.

I hear you’re a new father to a baby boy. Congratulations. What’s his name?

I guess you can see the river from your office.
It was either Hudson or Window. It didn’t occur to me until recently actually that my son is going to have an American accent. Because I guess in my head that’s never how I’ve heard my child speak, and I think it’ll be odd that I’m going to sound different from him. And he’ll hear me have to change my voice for automated machines. You probably don’t have to do that. On the automated phone lines, all the time — “No. 4.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that.” “No. 4.” “I don’t understand that,” and I have to say “No. 4” like a kind of a sedated John Wayne. And it feels like such a defeat. There’s almost a smugness in there: “Ohhh, No. 4.”

“Why didn’t you just say that! Speak American, not English, dummy.”
It really is like that, and it is a really, really powerful way to break someone down. But Hudson’s going to be just able to say “No. 4” and be understood. He’ll belong here, whereas one of the things that I like the most is that I don’t really fit in, and there’s a kind of comfort in that. If you’ve never felt like you fit in really anywhere in your life, as you grow up, it’s almost reassuring to go somewhere you definitely don’t fit in. Like America.

You came to the United States to work on The Daily Show almost ten years ago without ever having been here before.
Yeah, almost exactly ten years.

I came here from Toronto almost exactly ten years ago, too. This probably speaks to my own cynicism more than anything else, but there’s always a level of personal engagement with American politics that I can’t quite get. It’s like someone who doesn’t get along with their stepdad being forced to listen to that person and thinking, “You’re not my real dad!” So I’m curious what caused you to become so engaged.
Well, as a citizen of the world, you tend to have a basic understanding of the mechanics of U.S. politics — because you’re on the receiving end of it. I definitely had to do a bit of a crash course for the first few months. There would often be times in writers’ meetings when something would be said and you’d be writing down, “Okay, so that’s the thing I need to look up later.” I had to kind of quickly paper over the gaps in my knowledge of personalities and process. But discussed then-P.M. Tony Blair’s seemingly subservient relationship with George W. Bush. Oliver revealed a photoshopped image of Bush riding a gondola with Blair as the gondolier. “Bush did tip well,” he added. is an immersive experience. There is no better way to throw yourself completely at U.S. politics than that particular job.

What about British politics? Are you similarly interested?
Oof. I’m happy to have disengaged from that. If you’ve lived with three decades of the white noise of a specific kind of bigotry, then a new noise is preferable. America still has that new-car smell for me.

What’s a political issue you see treated differently in Britain than in America?
The lack of religion in British politics is a polar opposite. I don’t know how many people in Congress are ; I would imagine potentially zero. Whereas in England, politicians cannot talk openly about faith. Remember that Tony Blair was a committed Catholic, and there was real concern about that. He tried to not be photographed going to church. The the most leading up to the Iraq War was “Do you and George Bush pray together?” That was like pulling a pin out of a grenade, handing it to him, and saying, “What are you going to do with that?”

Tell me about the differences between political satire in England and in America.
Well, America’s has generally been better. There is no one in England that is or has been as good as Jon Stewart.

You always talk so glowingly about him. Does he have a photo of you ? Is that just something every English person has secretly done?
Yes, he does have that photo — and it was a warthog, thank you — but that’s not why I say these things. In terms of what I learned from him, if we’re talking a percentage of what I know, it’s pretty close to 100. He invented this particular style of TV comedy about the news. There is not going to be a Stephen Colbert without Jon, and there’s definitely not going to be me. It was amazing, watching him cut some of the best jokes, and he was always right. By taking out what seems like the funniest joke, everything else would get funnier and make more sense, because that funny joke was a digression. Or the story shifted a bit so that joke is an orphan … and that orphan must be destroyed. That’s a big lesson to learn, because the funniest thing is something that you’re innately protective of. And as far as my level of gratitude — I’m talking about him like he’s dead — the fact that he asked me to take over the show when he was away felt like such a huge leap of faith from him, and I thought that faith may have been a little bit misplaced.

Has he told you what he thinks of Last Week Tonight?
No, he kind of just let me go.

Was there ever any discussion with Comedy Central, after you’d filled in for him, about your taking over the show?
There was not. Jon came back and got resettled, and that felt like tying the bow on that crazy summer. Then before he announced he was leaving, he said to me, “We need to talk about what you’re going to do next.” In your head, that sounds like you’re being fired, so that was pretty frightening. But what he wanted to say was that I needed to think about what I wanted to do next.

He knew it was going to be hard to go back to my old job after having filled in for him. He was a little bit of a mother bird pushing me out of the nest. When I mentioned the , his face changed, and he said, “You would be insane not to take that.”

Would it have been hard for you to go back to being a correspondent?
As Jon said to me, “Once you touch the precious, you don’t want to give precious up.”

That’s a Lord of the Rings reference?
Yes, I’m not talking about a stripper. But Jon was right. It was so much fun filling in for him, when we would write an aluminum-pricing story or about Anthony Weiner — actually, not so much Anthony Weiner, because you can’t take much pride from a series of comedy lay-ups. Or like a really difficult day, like the — that was hard because I had no authority to speak about that. That was one of those moments where you only want to hear what Jon Stewart had to say, not a guy pretending to be him, but we did something different, and that felt difficult because we were working without the person who was going to make it okay. Those all felt like exciting achievements. Working at that level of difficulty, it might have been difficult to go back to the old job. I had to spring to at least an equivalent challenge, not go backward.

Let me ask you a question you’re probably going to hate. The way Last Week Tonight gets talked about online, it’s clear a lot of people are watching the show in the same way that they would read a newsmagazine — to be informed. But does the way people watch the show fit with how you understand it? To what extent are you doing news?
News is absolutely not our lane. Saying someone watches the show for news is like saying to a musician, “A lot of people use your music to work out. Do you make workout music?” No, this isn’t designed for the gym. We’re obsessed about making sure that all the things that we say are accurate, but that’s only because those things are the structural foundation upon which the jokes are based. You remove that, and your jokes are all nonsense. It’s a comedy show. We can’t really control how people receive it. Just like you can’t control the ludicrous packaging placed on the pieces the next day online, when people write things like “John Oliver takes a sword to the very heart of chicken farming.”

The whole “John Oliver eviscerates” thing. 
Exactly. “He throws a hand grenade at Congress.” That response never ceases to slightly depress me. “He takes a baseball bat and pounds to death the concept of chicken farming.” Wow, you just oversold what that piece was! It’s really annoying.

The amount of labor that can go into trying to come up with a joke that’s built on something that’s factually correct — it’s a huge amount — you’re saying none of that comes from any larger sense of mission? It’s just about the comedy? There are no larger motivating social or political principles behind what the show does?
Not really any larger sense of mission. It’s just — we’re making a comedy show.

Maybe then it’s my liberal fantasy that you came across the chicken-farming story and a part of you felt outraged and thought we need to shine a light on this — that the motivation was more than just “This is crazy and we can make it funny.”
As we researched that story, we found out these chicken farmers were treated terribly, and we knew going in that it seemed like they were really unhappy. Why is that? Then we started realizing, well, they’re forced to sign these contracts, they seem pretty egregious, they have absolutely no leverage in this system, which means that they can be in huge amounts of debt immediately that they can never get out from underneath. It’s a system that keeps them basically without hope — they’re just slowly losing their land. None of that sounds funny, but you do all the hard work [of explaining that] so that you can eventually show all the bad people’s faces onscreen and say, “These are chicken fuckers.” That is the point—to get to where calling these people chicken fuckers is funniest. It felt that those contracts were wrong, but lots of things are wrong, and for that show it felt funny to call people chicken fuckers. That’s like an 11-year-old’s mentality, going, “Look, there are 65-year-old adults in suits in Congress. Let’s call them chicken fuckers, because that’s kind of what they are.”

When you started Last Week Tonight, were you nervous at all about what HBO would let you or not let you do?
Well, kind of. You hear stories about HBO being hands-off and just presume that’s total bullshit because everyone says that. NBC will say, “Listen, this is your project; we just have a few notes …” Then it’s wha-bang [mimes dropping a huge stack of papers on his desk]. When we did our test show, it was like being a naughty kid — you want to see what you can get away with. So we did a too-long section on GM that was pretty aggressive, and after that HBO said, “You should do more stuff like that.” Which was not what I was expecting to hear.

You’ve said that during the first year you felt like you were trying not to drown. At the risk of belaboring the metaphor, when were you able to swim? 
Not in that first season. Just to really pound that metaphor into the ground, you can feel like you’re swimming on a Saturday and even get to a show on Sunday and go, “That felt good,” but there’s a gigantic wave that’s about to smash on top of your head the next week and you don’t know it’s coming. You’re only ever 24 hours away from feeling like you’re about to put out the worst television show HBO has ever broadcast.

With the show’s third season, are there things that you’re capable of pulling off now that you couldn’t have before?
Definitely. From the first season to the second season, we ended up making a slightly different show than the one we were set up to make. We wanted to do longer stories that went a little bit deeper, so we had to bolster our research department and change how far out we started working on a story. The first year, we were doing a story in a self-contained week, which is a recipe for disaster, because if something collapses two days in, you’re in serious shit. We’ve realized that we can do stuff that has a much longer lead time. There were things that we did last year that were incredibly complicated — the Edward Snowden thing, . It’s a spectacular waste of resources.

At what part of the process do you go about turning these news stories into comedy? When do you make this stuff funny?
This is a lesson from The Daily Show: The funny stuff is easier. You should be able to write jokes pretty quickly. The jokes are kind of the window dressing, but you need to make sure that they’re hanging on something solid, because if that story falls apart, all the jokes fall apart, too. In the first year, the problem often was that we would write jokes and research a story at the same time, but then as the story shifts, a whole second wave of research will come in and wash away two days’ worth of jokes. That was a key process thing that we had to fix, because you have people going at the jokes and then nothing stands up. So yeah, the jokes come later.

Photo: Martin Schoeller

When did you realize you were good at this kind of work?
I have not gotten to that point yet.

How about when you first felt less uncomfortable doing it?
I’m honestly trying to think of a time where I’ve thought I’ve got this. I don’t know if I’ve reached that point yet. I think it’s a question of trying. I’m willing to try really hard.

Can I get you to admit that you grasp how to do your job?
Uh, I don’t think so.

You’ve done remarkably well, considering!
Have I? I’m not sure. I guess I’ve learned some fundamental skills for how to go about imbibing information and turning it into comedy, but part of that is an instinct anyway. I’m not my biggest fan. That’s probably painfully obvious.

Forget hosting a show then. Are you confident about your skills strictly as a comedian?
I don’t know if I’m good at comedy so much as I love it.

What do you love about it?
At college, a friend of mine, , and I did a two-man show together and people came … and laughed! I remember walking off after and thinking, Oh, shit, my life has just gone into a different realm. It’s like the kind of thing a heroin addict would do: Oh, I’m going to sacrifice my family and home for this.

Heroin makes everything so warm and nice.
That’s right. It was the same kind of thing, except comedy does not feel warm and nice. I guess there were little problem-solving moments at The Daily Show — those field pieces were really difficult. I remember we were doing a piece about English as the official language of the United States. And we were talking to a guy in D.C. who was pretty media-trained, and he was managing to rebuff everything I asked him. Then he was saying, “You don’t even need to speak English, and you can be okay in the United States.” And I remember it was like time slowed down — if I can hold him in this thought, I can walk him somewhere funny. So I said, “How would you say ‘My arm hurts’?” And he pointed at his arm and went, “Ah ah ah.” And what about “My knee hurts?” He pointed at his knee and went “Ah ah ah.” Then I said, “Give me ‘I’m allergic to penicillin.’ ” He froze, and I’m thinking, I couldn’t have done that two years ago. That seemed like a seismic step forward.

Aside from Jon, are there other people you’ve been learning from?
He’s a good example of just, like, killing himself to make something 3 percent better. That’s always quite inspiring because when I would redraft, I would say, “It’s fine, it’s just fine, the draft is fine.” Fuck knows most drafts stop at that point. Once you’ve got it to fine, people walk away. From that point, it’s a lot of sweat and a lot of pain to make a piece barely perceptibly better. But if you can do that six times, make it incrementally better, all of a sudden it’s 10 percent better, and that’s actually a big deal. But it’s like athletes: If you’re running a 10.3-second hundred meters, with all the pain and not eating the most flavorsome foods to get to that level, is it worth working even harder to get to 10.2? You’re already running pretty fast.

That millisecond is the difference between a contender and a noncontender.
Is it even? Because the real guy is running 9.79. So is it worth all the trouble to go from 10.3 to 10.2? Is it worth all of those sacrifices to get to an Olympic final and then run a time that has you come last? Because that’s how I see myself.

If what you’re doing is really just joke crasftmanship, is it not problematic that people are watching Last Week Tonight as a news resource?
It’s not problematic for us because that’s not what we are. That’s not a responsibility we’re willing to put on our own shoulders. It’s probably problematic if someone just watches this show for the news — problematic for them, in a very big way, and for society at large. But that’s not our fault.

Why is that problematic for them?
They probably have an outsize view of the importance of chicken farming. And that would be the best consequence.

You had a line I liked about falling in love with America, in all its beauty and awfulness, and how that was like falling in love with a girl while you’re holding back her hair as she’s vomiting. Do you still feel that way?
I still have the immigrant’s crush. America is fundamentally the best idea for a country. Not to get all Statue of Liberty about it, and this is hard as a British person to say, but the principles by which the British were kicked out of this country are the best principles. And however flawed that initial Constitution was — and the fact it needed to have amendments out the wazoo to make any kind of coherent sense — freedom of speech is still the best idea. I can call people chicken fuckers on television. I don’t take that for granted.

Did you have those before you came to the States?
When you’re not from here, America has an iconic, mysterious allure, and you want to know what it’s like; whether the confidence the country projects is misplaced or not. Then you get here and you realize it is slightly misplaced but that it’s also a more complicated country than anyone gives it credit for. America is viewed overseas as this coherent mass of people who are proud to be American and thus agree with each other on everything, and of course nothing could be further from the truth. This is as fractured a country as you’re likely to find, but that’s what’s great about it.

This is the first time that Last Week Tonight has been on during a presidential-election cycle. I was watching one of the debates, and it occurred to me that a debate is probably not something that you guys would cover.
No, I’m not interested. I think we’re much more likely to take a more forensic look at how the election is run. So that means not really the personalities involved, and more the process underneath it. It’ll be fun to try and pick apart the way that elections are run in this country.

What about the campaign has been surprising to you so far?
It’s been depressingly unsurprising because it follows a similar pattern: The media starts getting excited before the race is remotely exciting.

You don’t think that Trump changed the typical narratives?
Yeah, he’s the embodiment of how powerful, to a bad extent, name recognition is in American politics. There were some incredible things he inadvertently brought to light. There is a power in a candidate openly saying, “Of course I gave to both parties in the past. I’m a businessman, that’s what you do.” He’s like the Wizard of Oz, pulling back the curtain, and there is something interesting in that. The Trump version of the Wizard of Oz would be saying, “Hey, Dorothy, go fuck yourself.”

Where are you from originally? Kansas? Sounds suspicious.
Dorothy was the ultimate dangerous immigrant in a way.

Given that campaign news — and news in general — moves so fast — did you know when you started the show that Last Week Tonight would stay off the day-to-day news cycle?
If the news had been dominated by something all week, there’s a pretty good chance we’re not going to be doing that. All of the meat of a story has been picked off the bones by the end of the week. So we have to do something else. It’s not possible to predict what we’re going to do on the show each week.

Your Edward Snowden interview felt like it came out of nowhere.
Yeah, I thought it would be nice if people were just watching TV and then: What the fuck is happening? Edward Snowden is on?

Did that piece feel like a breakthrough for you? You framed it all in the context of privacy over dick pics, but during the interview, you were actually pushing him hard on the substantive stuff.
Yeah, he’s the curator of such incredibly important information that you want to make sure that you treat that information with respect, and some of that is going to involve asking the that you possibly could of him. It’s infantile to say there was absolutely no risk involved in doing what he did and he completely owned that when he said, “You’re never truly free if you’re without any kind of risk.”

You’ve said before that punching down isn’t funny.
Satire works best when it is punching up, when it’s anti-Establishment.

Is that why you think there isn’t a or The Daily Show?
They’ve tried. They tried very briefly to do a conservative version of The Daily Show. It was gone real quick. I don’t know why there isn’t one now. There’s clearly a market for it. But it’s not like there isn’t a wealth of pathetic behavior regarding the Democrats and the Obama administration.

I think the concept behind your question is a little problematic — as if to say I’m coming at something just from a liberal point of view, and not from a comedian’s, which is to point out bullshit. If you become too partisan in your way of thinking, you get less funny.

You don’t think the conclusions your show draws are more troubling for someone on the right than they are for someone on the left?
We tend to do stories that are objectively apolitical. Net neutrality is not a party-political issue. Chicken farmers are not a party-political issue. Civil forfeiture — if anything, that’s a libertarian issue. I don’t find stories that would be party political particularly interesting.

I feel like the impulse for a lot of your show’s longer pieces comes from a sense of anger, and there’s obviously no deficit of horrible things happening for you to do pieces on.
That is definitely not a problem.

So does that unending supply of bad news get disheartening?
As you go deeper into stories, you follow the same emotional path of: Seems like there’s something wrong here, and then, Holy shit, this is so much worse than we thought. Something like the civil-forfeiture story — you go, “It seems a little weird that there are all these dash-cam videos of cops asking people, ‘Do you have any cash in the car?’ ” Then you go further into it and you realize they’re funding their departments by shaking people down. So the scale of it is bigger than you’d thought. It’s almost inevitable that in however many more years I’ll say I can’t deal with this toxic shit anymore. But it’s still an interesting level of despair at the moment.

Come Monday morning, how are you judging the success of a show? Viewers? YouTube views?
Ratings is not a game we’re in. Then again, HBO says they don’t care about ratings and they cancel shows — but we don’t have overnight ratings. By the time we get back in the office on a Wednesday morning, I’ll see how things were taken online, but I usually pull out pretty quickly because the “John Oliver obliterates” stuff can get quite dispiriting — to have stories framed in such an objectively ludicrous manner when you’re not asking for them to be.

What about when you see the stuff you’ve advocated for, like asking viewers to , actually happen? Does the show feel closer to activism than comedy in those moments?
The end goal is to build a machine that makes comedy. Not any sort of advocacy. I just don’t think the comparison is valid or interesting. When you’re so clear in your head about what you’re trying to do, those constant queries are kind of odd.

I think it boils down to the people who watch the show wanting to feel that you’re acting out of some sense of mission and that you believe the same things they do. And figuring out what someone believes is the truth is a lot easier if that person is a journalist than a comedian. If a journalist says a building is on fire, you probably believe it. If a comedian says the same thing, maybe you do.
That’s what’s weird to me about when people ask about the show’s relationship to journalism. It’s so clearly comedy.

Does having worked on the show make you think differently about the work of journalists? Do you think they’re doing something that’s a lot harder than you’d realized? Or are you more inclined to think most journalists are idiots?
There are certainly a lot of really bad ones. We fact-check every statistic we use, and it can get very frustrating, because if you watch the evening-news networks, if there are three statistics on a screen at one time, you can be fairly sure at least one of those is wrong. Which is pretty scary. You think, How on Earth can ABC News put these numbers up on screen? And then you think, Well, ABC News has cut back on staff to a dramatic extent. They’re spread pretty thin, and this is what happens.

Do you ever have the desire to do a logistically easier kind of comedy? You could be doing a sitcom and not worrying about fact-checking a network-news statistic.
There is no part of me that wants to do a sitcom. And it’s not so much that I would like to do something easier as I would like this … I just wish it wasn’t so hard.

Have you always loved political comedy?
The Daily Show cemented that love, but going back to sitcoms — you’d see people using the show as a springboard. They’d leave and do sitcoms or movies, and there was definitely part of me that always thought Why would you do that? You’re in the best place. But then you realize not everyone is so obsessive about this kind of thing. They’re just funny people for whom this is a good job, but it’s not in their DNA to try and find complicated ways to process political stories.

And you are that obsessive?
Definitely. It takes a particular kind of person. When I was offered sitcoms or whatever other things on the side, I would either say no or I would only do it if it were on a hiatus week. I did Community for NBC solely on the understanding that I would not leave The Daily Show, which some people thought was insane. They thought, It’s a network sitcom! And I thought, Yeah, exactly, that’s my point. I would be much happier working on a fake news show for basic cable.

The thing I keep trying to get at is where this obsession of yours comes from.
I don’t know. It’s just that this very narrow thing is the thing I love the most. I loved writing jokes about this kind of stuff when I was in England, and then when I got to do it under the best person who’s ever done it, I ended up loving it more — because he would bring me up to work at a higher level. There’s nothing more exciting than that, thinking, Oh, shit, I have to get a lot better at this as quickly as possible because I can’t even fathom the level that he’s working at right now. And as you feel yourself starting to get better, that’s what stops it from getting boring. I was there for nearly ten years, and every day felt like a challenge. That’s a rare and valuable thing to have. Most people don’t find that thing that challenges them in that way.

I promise this is the last time I’ll bring this up, but when I raise questions about philosophical or internal motivations behind your work, you sort of brush them off. Are you not interested in answering questions about the emotions or feelings you have about your work? Or am I digging for something that’s truly not there?
It’s not just you. I think there is an outside desire — and I don’t fully understand the desire — to project motive onto the show. It always feels a little inexplicable for us, the obsession that people have with projecting motive when our motive is pretty clear. Every clip we have has a joke off it. Every statistic has a joke off it. We try and make the show incredibly dense with jokes because that’s the currency we’re trafficking in.

Now that you mention it, I’m looking at the shelves behind your desk, and I see a Michael Bolton record, some soccer balls, and a book of football clichés.
Exactly! This is not the office of a serious person!

I don’t see any salvaged rubble from the fall of Tikrit. No pieces of the Berlin Wall.
Yeah, there’s a lot of dumb shit instead. It should be harder for you to ask those questions about motive as all this is behind me. [Oliver gets up from his desk and takes a piece of brightly crayoned fan mail off a shelf.] Look: This is after we did this thing in the first season about Russian space sex geckos. They’re fuck geckos. A little girl wrote, “Hi, I loved your segment on space sex geckos.” Then she wrote, “P.S. I’m 11.” As if to say, “My mom’s so mad with you.” I’m genuinely bewildered by the anxiety that people have to project motives on a show like this. As if that’s a way of understanding it more? Some of the stuff that we’re most proud of is not those long stories but the spectacle. We did this thing about . last year and had the stage full of gigantic dancing-mascot outfits for each Japanese government agency. We had this crazy psychedelic production and a confused Bob Balaban was there and it was so stupid — that’s the kind of thing where we get really excited about. Or this fake commercial we did based around Whole Foods selling $6 asparagus water — we did a parody of it with a tilapia in yoga pants and them selling granola that had been pushed gently between two oscillating fans. It was just so silly, and those are the things we’re bouncing off the walls with excitement over.

I don’t think the search for motive is as confusing as you’re saying. If there’s a schoolyard bully and everyone wants to see the bully get taken down a peg, and then someone comes and punches the bully in the nose, you want the person who threw the punch to have done it because they thought it was just. And not only because they thought it’d be funny.
Let me show you this. [Oliver walks to a wall of his office covered with small notecards for segments of the show.] [Co–executive producer] Tim Carvell keeps the cards that we’re most proud of. At the end of the week, they’ll all go away, but if there’s a particular card that makes no sense, he’ll keep it. Here’s one: “Enter Michael Bolton to sing song about anus.” We had Michael fucking Bolton singing a song about the IRS being America’s anus and how important anuses actually are. That’s what I love about the show.

*This interview was condensed and edited from two conversations, the first conducted on January 18 and the second on January 28. It appears in the February 22, 2016 issue of New York Magazine.

03 Feb 19:41

Monday Morning Open Thread: Japanese Cats Rule the Internet

by Anne Laurie
Robert.mccowen

For Janelle.

Gideon Lewis-Kraus got paid to go to Japan and pet cats (hell yes I am jealous) and reading his Wired report is very soothing:

The Internet’s preference for cats runs so deep that when Google’s secretive X Lab showed a string of 10 million YouTube images to a neural network of 16,000 computer processors for machine learning, the first thing the network did was invent the concept of a cat. America might have inflated the Internet-feline bubble—the Cheezburger Network raised $30 million last year in venture funding, and the Bible has been translated into Lolcat—but Japan was where the Internet-feline market began, and persists, as a quiet, domestic cattage industry. If you want to know why the Internet chose cats, you must go to Japan.

Lest I unfairly ratchet up your collective expectations: I will never get to pet Maru, and neither will you. Maru’s supervisory documentarian is named Mugumogu, but beyond that fact, hardly anything is known about her… I commence months of fruitlessly obsequious email courtship with Mugumogu but ultimately to no avail.

All of this reticence is infuriating. In America people post a video of themselves whistling “Free Bird” in a tutu and they’re heartbroken if they’re not immediately invited on The View. It’s different in Japan, though. There, they haven’t yet cottoned to the idea that the whole point of the Internet is not only that it might make you famous and universally loved but that it might make you famous and universally loved overnight, and for no real reason, and that then it would give you fairly precise metrics for just how famous and loved you were, and for how long. For the Japanese, the Internet is primarily not about self-promotion and exposure but about restraint and anonymity…

YouTube has told me that Hideo Saito and Manaho Mori—the custodians, managers, promoters, and chief can openers of the Musashis, once one of the most important cat bands on the Internet—would be delighted for me to visit them and interview their cats, but that it would be best if I brought along a translator. My friend Rebecca, who loves cats but lives in a Tokyo apartment building that does not allow pets, is happy to oblige. She is not, however, without concern…

Hideo, as it turns out, speaks about his cats in calm, measured, elegant English. (He spent some of his childhood in England and the US.) “I started writing songs for cats because I’d gotten bored writing songs for humans. But the thing is, cats have limited vocal … limited vocal—”

“Limited vocal range?” Rebecca suggests.

“Yes, limited vocal range. I found I needed five cats to cover one octave.” We are sitting around an oblong dining room table in the sun-drenched cedar den of a ski chalet in a central Nagano prefecture, along with six cats spanning a spectrum of liveliness that runs from contemptuously drowsy to asleep. Manaho, Hideo’s wife and business partner, holds one on her lap, face out and totally blasè as it regards us. Hideo is trained as a musician and sound engineer and looks the part, with variable-tint eyeglass lenses (the panels now shaded graphite from the ambient snow glare), a retiring studio voice, a scruffy suggestion of goatee, and a relaxed-bemused ’70s mien. Manaho describes herself as a voice coach and producer.

Four of the cats are Norwegian forest cats. They’re huge, lustrous, woolly, like a sheepdog made into a pillow. Their coats have a glossy weft of lunar rainbow. According to a thinly sourced but entirely plausible Wikipedia squib, Norse legends refer to a skogkatt, a “mountain-dwelling fairy cat with an ability to climb sheer rock faces that other cats could not manage.” That’s apparently this cat’s pedigree; he is directly descended from myth. On the way up into the mountains, before I lost data service on my phone, Manaho friended me on Facebook, then sent me a photograph of Musashi hovering over snow. Rebecca worried I was bringing her to meet a bobcat. Hideo and Manaho’s teenage son, who is about to leave Japan to study animals at a university in Tasmania, hands me Musashi after I sit down. He holds Musashi out to me like a muff of fraying fog. Musashi makes no noise; he is sandbag-limp. The cat is 8 years old and weighs almost 20 pounds, his fur the ur-slate of celestial cinder. My chair bends back beneath his heft. He goes back to sleep as soon as the fuss of brief stir is complete, clucking and grumbling in his resumed dreams. He is the biggest cat I’ve ever seen. I hold him to me. I love him…

***********
Apart from self-soothing with cat videos, what’s on the agenda as we start another month week?

19 Jan 22:39

The Illegitimacy of Aragorn’s Claim to the Throne

by Austin Gilkeson

Aragorn, son of Arathorn may have been a great leader and high fantasy’s hottest octogenarian, but his claim to the throne of Gondor was bullshit.

Read more The Illegitimacy of Aragorn’s Claim to the Throne at The Toast.

06 Jan 17:21

Simulating The Word (In Emoji)

Robert.mccowen

Be ready to lose at least an hour.

SIMULATING

THE WORLD (IN EMOJI😘)

nicky case, jan 2016

OH DANG, YOUR BROWSER DOESN'T SUPPORT EMOJI

Don't worry, I switched this page over to a fallback font, so you can still enjoy it. But emoji should be in color, not black-and-white! If you're on Windows 7 or newer, please use Firefox for 🌟FULL COLOR🌟 emoji. If you're on a Linux distro, or Windows Vista/XP, no browser on there supports emoji (yet). Sorries. 🙀

P.S: If you can see emojis like this in full color: 💩, and are somehow still getting this warning message, please email me at with your browser & operating system, to let me know i messed up.

So, I used to live in California. Back then, it was going through a rough season of droughts, water shortages, and wildfires. It's still going on, actually. These problems involve a messy mix of environmental, economic, and political systems... all of which came together to create the perfect lack-of-rain-let-alone-a-storm.

Point is, our world is run by complex systems. We may feel helpless to change them or understand them... but I believe all of us can — and must — learn to think in systems.

That’s where simulations come in! It’s easier to understand a system if you can see the system, or better yet, play with the system. So today, I’d like to share with you some simple simulations of the world... made in emoji. 🌲🌲🌲

A Tiny Forest For Tiny Trees

As it turns out, forest firefighters already use computer simulations to tackle wildfires, in real time! And it’s not just firefighters. With the help of simulations, a growing group of scientists from different disciplines have discovered a few strange things about the systems of our world.

First, emergence: complex systems can arise from simple rules. This is how a few chess rules can give us infinite play, and how these tiny emoji sims can capture real complexity.

Second, all complex systems have things in common. So in a way... Financial crises are like forest fires. Terrorist groups are like termite colonies. Pandemics are like a GIF people won't stop spreading. Since you can learn a few core lessons about all systems from any system, let’s stick with our forest sim, and add one more rule:

🌲→🔥 Trees sometimes get hit by lightning & catch on fire.

Sims can help explain a system, but they're also great for exploring systems. Experimentation. Asking, “what if?”

For example, what do you think would happen now, if you increased tree growth? (empty→🌲) What behavior would emerge? Don’t worry, you're not being judged or graded, this is only for you to express your prediction:

🌲📈→🌲📈: More trees lead to more trees, duh. 🌲📈→🌲📉: More trees lead to fewer trees. Neither. Both... somehow.

And now, you get to run that experiment.

A Forest With Thunderbolt & Lightning, Very Very Frightening

Ah, you predicted that higher tree growth would lead to more trees. That’s an intuitive and obvious choice, so of course, it’s wrong. That’s because more trees → fire can spread further → fewer trees... but then, fewer trees → fire spreads less → trees can grow back → more trees, repeat. And the more growth, the faster this birth-death-rebirth cycle spins. Ah, you predicted that more trees would lead to fewer trees! Clever. However, that’s only half-true! I assume you figured out that more trees → fire can spread further → fewer trees... but you forgot that afterwards, fewer trees → fire spreads less → trees can grow back → more trees, repeat. And the more growth, the faster this birth-death-rebirth cycle spins. Heh, you must’ve thought I was giving you a trick question. I mean, I was, but still. Anyway, more trees → fire can spread further → fewer trees... but then, fewer trees → fire spreads less → trees can grow back → more trees, repeat. And the more growth, the faster this birth-death-rebirth cycle spins. You predicted that you’d get both more trees and fewer trees? That doesn’t make sense, it’s a contradiction, so of course, you’re totally right! More trees → fire can spread further → fewer trees... but then, fewer trees → fire spreads less → trees can grow back → more trees, repeat. And the more growth, the faster this birth-death-rebirth cycle spins.

🌲📈→🔥📈→🌲📉→🔥📉→🌲📈⟲

This is thinking in systems. See, we’re so used to thinking in linear cause-and-effect, A-changes-B. But most of the world is filled with what scientists call feedback loops, where A-changes-B-changes-A-changes-B, and so on.

One kind of feedback loop is the reinforcing loop, when more gets you even more. For example, in our simulation, fire creates more fire. This kind of loop tends to create tipping points, where a small change gets amplified over and over until it completely alters the whole system.

more leads to more:
🔥📈→🔥📈

Another kind of loop is the balancing loop, when more leads to less. Balancing loops stop reinforcing loops from growing to infinity. Like how fire makes more fire, but can’t go on forever, because it'll run out of trees to burn, and so, results in less fire. This kind of loop leads to stability, because it tends to undo change.

more leads to less:
🔥📈→🌲📉→🔥📉

This is why we’re so bad at handling complex issues. Everyone’s looking for the root cause, but if causality is not linear, but loopy, then there is no root cause!

That doesn’t mean we can’t still solve problems. Simulations let us do experiments that would be impractical or impossible to try out for realsies. For example, in this next experiment, you're going to help trees grow, by killing trees. Stop. Think for a moment. How could that even be possible? Now. Let's do it.

A Forest Where You Show Trees No Mercy

Think about how counterintuitive that is, helping trees by killing trees. Well, forest firefighters actually do this! They make “firebreaks” by removing small trees, underbrush, and other flammable shtuff, to stop wildfires from spreading through. This breaks the reinforcing loop of 🔥📈→🔥📈, and reduces the balancing loop of 🌲📈→🔥📈→🌲📉.

That is how you change a system. Not by fighting symptoms or pushing numbers, but by changing the core loops.

Now that you've gotten a taste of thinking in systems, let's do a couple final experiments. A forest wouldn’t be an ecosystem with just one species, so let’s simulate a forest with these two plants:

🌳 Strong Tree: Invincible to fire, but if it’s surrounded by four or more Jerk Trees, it'll be choked of nutrients and die.

🌱 Jerk Tree: Invasive species. Flammable & grows twice as fast as the Strong Tree. Also sometimes bursts into flames.

I’ve balanced it so that, normally, these plants would get a 50/50 split of the land. But after you create firebreaks, what do you think will happen? (think loopy: what feedback loops do you change? what would emerge from those changes?)

🌳=🌱: They’ll still have an even split. 🌳>🌱: Strong Trees will beat out the Jerk Trees. 🌳<🌱: Strong Trees will be overrun by Jerk Trees. Something completely different.

And just for kicks, let’s also do the complete opposite. Instead of firebreaks, what would happen if you kept setting random parts of the forest on fire?

🌳=🌱: They’ll still have an even split. 🌳>🌱: Strong Trees will beat out the Jerk Trees. 🌳<🌱: Strong Trees will be overrun by Jerk Trees. 🐻💥😩: Smokey Bear will roundhouse kick me in the face.

And here we go again...

A Forest Where Some Trees Are, Like, Total Jerks

Did you notice how, in the normal case, the plants formed clusters even though no rule told them to? Scientists call this self-organization. This is when order emerges from the bottom up, contrary to the popular belief that order must always come from the top down. Self-organization also means a system automatically adapts to new scenarios, for better or worse. Which brings us to your predictions...

PREDICTION #1: you thought your firebreaks would not affect the ratio of plants, which is an understandable guess! However, in an interconnected system, changing one part usually changes all the others, thanks to self-organization. Here, walls limit fire, fire limits Jerks, and Jerks limit Strongs. PREDICTION #1: you thought your firebreaks would help the Strong Tree win. I assume you guessed that if firebreaks made the forest more fireproof, it should make the trees more fireproof, too. However, thanks to self-organization, the whole is completely different from the sum of its parts. So while your walls did lead to less fire, less fire means more Jerks, and more Jerks mean less Strongs. PREDICTION #1: you thought your firebreaks would let the Jerk Tree win. And you were totally correct! Your walls limit fire, fire limits Jerks, and Jerks limit Strongs. Let’s stop to appreciate that you held three different system relationships in your head, and accurately predicted how they would self-organize! PREDICTION #1: you thought the plants would do something nuts. Maybe you thought they’d cycle back and forth, like an earlier sim did. However, because the Strong Tree doesn’t affect fire or Jerks, there’s no loop there, and thus no Jerk-Strong cycle. (There are other loops, though) Instead, what happened was: your walls led to less fire, less fire meant more Jerks, and more Jerks meant less Strongs. That’s how they self-organized.

🔥📉→🌱📈→🌳📉

PREDICTION #2: you thought setting stuff on fire would not change the plant ratio. But instead, more fire led to Strong Trees winning, and therefore, less fire. Paradoxical. What happened is same logic as before, except with “more” and “less” flipped around: PREDICTION #2: you thought setting stuff on fire would help the Strong Tree win. And, you’re right! Not only that, adding more fire also leads to less fire in the long run, paradoxically. It’s the same logic as before, except with “more” and “less” flipped around: PREDICTION #2: you thought setting stuff on fire would let the Jerk Tree win. And that seems like it should make sense, wouldn’t a more flammable forest have more flammable trees? However, as you discovered, adding more fire made the forest stronger, and paradoxically, reduces fire in the long run! It’s the same logic as before, except with “more” and “less” flipped around:

🔥📈→🌱📉→🌳📈
(ALSO: 🌱📉→🔥📉)

You might be skeptical about these results. And I hope you are! It’s good to be critical! I mean, this sim is basically saying fire is good for the forest. That can't be right, can it?

🌲But consider the Jack Pine. Its pine cones are sealed with wax, and can't release its seeds until a forest fire melts the wax away. Our hypothetical Strong Tree was merely immune to wildfires. The Jack Pine, one of many fire-dependent trees, is born out of fire — much like the legendary Phoenix.

🔥Also, consider that Native Americans and Australian Aboriginals used to deliberately set fires, under safe weather conditions, to maintain forest diversity and stability. In contrast, the U.S. Forest Service once decreed that all fires must be put out by 10 a.m. the next day, which backfired (haha), and might've made forests unhealthier in the long run. To this day, there's still heated debate (haha) over if we should let more fires burn, or even actively set fires.

🏠Heck, I’m also skeptical if we should set more fires. There are legitimate concerns about smoke, soil damage, and escaped fire accidentally burning people’s houses down.

These are complex problems, and there'll never be One Best Solution. But that’s exactly why we gotta think in systems, not just to tackle wildfires, but all the global challenges we face.

So here's a gallery of simulations, modeling some of our world's biggest problems. Now, don't just take my sims at face value. Think critically. Play critically. Challenge my assumptions by changing the rules. Create solutions I haven't even thought of. Come up with experiments, predict what would happen, then try 'em.

Explore.

A Simulation With A Bunch Of...

😰 Peeps Gettin' Sick

🐹 Rodent Racism

😾 Cat/Dog Civil Conflict

Scientists, policymakers, forest firefighters... all of them already use simulations to experiment with real-world systems. Sadly, these sims aren’t usually meant to be used or understood by us, the public — the very people those systems impact the most.

It's high time we change that.

Think of a big problem that you care about. Now that you know about emergence, feedback loops, and self-organization, all these subtle forces that shape our world... you can now create, save, and share your very own simulation. (You can even embed your sims into webpages, and make an interactive blog post just like this one!)

Maybe others will build upon your sim, and make their own sims! Then, maybe even more people will build upon those. And on. And on. And on. All of us, collaboratively constructing complexity, blurring the line between learner & teacher, to explain, to explore, to experiment.

💡📈→💡📈→💡📈⟲

In the face of all the world's complex problems, despair is understandable. Despair is normal. But despair is not useful.

Imagine. What if more of us knew how to think and talk in systems? We could have an emergence of new solutions to big problems. We could make more feedback loops between policymakers and the people they affect. We could self-organize to understand the world from the bottom up, heck, maybe even change the world from the bottom up.

We could overcome despair.

All we gotta do is start thinking in systems, and see the forest for the trees. 🌲🌲🌲

05 Jan 17:14

Brother Paul and the Ship of Miracles: Good stories

by Fred Clark

Need some good news? Here are two stories I came across recently that give me some hope, and I want to share that with you.

First, meet Paul Bongcaras, “a Catholic monk of the Order of the Society of the Divine Word.” He lives in Cebu City, Philippines, where everyone on the street seems to know him simply as Brother Paul. For the rest of us, Aurora Almendral of PRI’s The World provides an introduction:

Bongcaras’ seminary, of arched doorways and cloistered courtyards, faces one of the city’s most notorious slums, and every evening Bongcaras walks among the drug addicts and prostitutes who call the slum home.

Far from being outside his element, Brother Paul, as everyone here calls him, moves with ease and is greeted warmly by the residents. He chats with old women sitting on wobbly wooden benches and pats the heads of half-dressed kids.

Almost immediately, he is surrounded by sex workers on break and rangy young men, the tracks and blackened veins of intravenous drug addiction evident on their inner arms.

“Brother Paul,” one greets him from the far end of a crumbling cement path. “Thank God you’re here!”

Bongcaras, 69, has close-cropped white hair and is dressed simply in shorts and flip-flops. On one shoulder, he carries a ragged nylon bag stuffed with medicines. There’s acetaminophen and vitamins tied up in little plastic bags, amoxicillin for deworming, tubes of ointment for rashes, as well as red boxes of condoms for sex workers and pills to treat STDs.

But wait, isn’t handing out condoms against The Rules for a Catholic monk. Well, yes:

Bongcaras says he’s dedicated to what he considers his vocation: to help the poor. “We made a decision because we are in the front line. We saw the need.”

The Catholic hierarchy in the Philippines, however, struggles to reconcile its firm stance against contraception with the urgent need for condoms.

“It’s easy for them to preach and preach and preach, do not do it, do not do it,” he says. Being in the field, however, Bongcaras is faced with the realities of poverty and illness. He walks side-by-side with people who are at high risk for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases every night.

“When questions come in from the hierarchy, we just do not entertain [them].”

There’s enormous wisdom in that last sentence. I especially like Brother Paul’s choice of verb there — “entertain.”

MeredithVictory

The second story is one I feel like I should have known. I should have been taught this story. I should have heard it told and retold by teachers, professors, political leaders and political candidates. This story should be a point of national pride and a touchstone for every national debate about any opportunity to welcome and shelter refugees.

This is the story of the ship pictured above, the SS Meredith Victory, and “the greatest rescue operation by a single ship in the history of mankind.”

I learned this story just last week, from Chris Gibbons’ op-ed “During the Korean War, a Christmas miracle.”

The Meredith was a civilian cargo ship contracted to carry supplies for the U.S. military at the beginning of the Korean War. It was December, 1950, and the Korean city of Hungnam was on the verge of being overrun by Communist troops. Nearly 200,000 refugees were huddled at its harbor.

[Leonard] LaRue, a Merchant Marine captain who had been employed by the Navy to carry supplies for U.S. servicemen during the initial months of the Korean War, met on board his ship with U.S. Army officers who revealed their plans for a “Dunkirk-like” rescue of the refugees. Staff officer J. Robert Lunney recounted the scene in [Bill Gilbert's book] Ship of Miracles. “We can’t order you to take them,” one of the colonels said, “but we ask if you would volunteer.” Lunney remembers that LaRue didn’t hesitate: “He neither turned to his left or right, nor conferred with anyone. He responded that he would take his ship in and take off as many refugees as he could.”

… As chronicled in Ship of Miracles, the Meredith was designed to haul cargo and only had accommodations for 12 passengers and a 47-person crew. On the afternoon of Dec. 22, in gale force winds and swirling snow, the crew began to load the refugees into the cargo holds using makeshift booms and gangplanks.

First mate Dino Savastio recalled that “the temperature was well below freezing, but the holds were not heated or lighted. There were no sanitary facilities for them . . . children carried children, mothers breast-fed their babies with another child strapped to their backs, old men carried children. . . . I saw terror in their faces.”

It took nearly 24 hours, but the crew somehow managed to fit 14,000 refugees within the ship’s five cargo holds. The Meredith finally departed Hungnam on Dec. 23. After a harrowing two days in mine-infested waters patrolled by enemy submarines, the ship safely arrived at Koje Do Island on Christmas Day. Not only did all of the refugees survive, but five babies were born during the journey.

The tiny-minded little would-be leaders competing for the Republican presidential nomination insist that the United States, as a whole, cannot accommodate 10,000 refugees fleeing war in Syria. The Meredith Victory, a ship built for 60 people, managed to accommodate 14,000 refugees. Remember that.

 

01 Jan 19:42

Star Colors and Pinyon Pine

Beautiful, luminous decorations on this pinyon pine tree Beautiful, luminous decorations on this pinyon pine tree


23 Dec 15:25

Interview With Santa’s Reindeer Wrangler

by John Scalzi
Photo by bisongirl, used via Creative Commons. Click picture for original.

 

Q: Your name and occupation, please.

A: I’m Naseem Copely, and I’m the Reindeer Corps Manager for Santa Claus.

Q: What does that title mean?

A: Basically I’m responsible for recruiting, outfitting and caring for the reindeer who pull Santa’s sleigh on Christmas. If it has anything to do with the reindeer, I’m the one in charge of it.

Q: Why would you need to recruit? We already know who the reindeer are. Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and so on.

A: Well, that’s the first misconception. The canonical names of the reindeer aren’t of the reindeer themselves. The canonical names describe the role of the reindeer.

Q: I’m not sure I follow.

A: So, it’s like this: You have a football team, right? And a football team has a quarterback and full backs and half backs and centers and such. And in the role of quarterback, you could have Eli Manning or Andrew Luck or Aaron Rodgers or whomever.

Q: Okay.

A: So on a reindeer team, there’s a Dasher and a Dancer and a Prancer and so on. They’re roles. They’re positions. And the position of Dasher, as an example, is currently held by a reindeer named Buckletoe McGee. And before her, it was held by Tinselhart Flaherty, and before her, Ted Cruz.

Q: Ted Cruz.

A: Yes. No relation.

Q: All right. So the canonical names are the role of the reindeer, but this leaves open the question of why there are roles at all.

A: Because of varying the weather and various atmospheric conditions, basically. Depending on the weather, one or another of the team will be in lead position.

Q: So, for example –

A: So if the weather is clear, then Dasher is in the lead, because she’s fast and good with straight lines. If there’s a lot of turbulence in the upper atmosphere, then Dancer’s in front, because she’s good finding pockets of calm air for Santa to navigate into. “Donner” is the German word for “thunder,” so our Donner’s up when we have thunderstorms, and so on.

Q: Okay, but what about Cupid?

A: In the lead when we have to sweet-talk our way out of a moving violation citation.

Q: That really happens?

A: Lots of little towns have speed traps, man. They don’t care if it’s Santa. You see Santa, they see a wealthy traveler who won’t come back to town to contest a ticket.

Q: How does that even work? A reindeer mitigating traffic violations, I mean.

A: It’s technical. Very technical. I’d need graphs and a chart.

Q: And Vixen? What role does Vixen play?

A: Uh, that role’s currently in transition.

Q: What does that mean?

A: It means I’m ready for your next question.

Q: All right, what about the Rudolph position?

A: (Sighs) There is no Rudolph position. Never was. Never will be.

Q: You seem annoyed by this question.

A: None of us up here at the pole are big fans of the whole “Rudolph” thing.

Q: Why not?

A: Well, it makes us look like jerks, doesn’t it? A young reindeer is discriminated against up to and until he has marginal utility. I mean, really. Who looks good in that scenario? Not all of the other reindeer, who come across as bigots and bullies. And not Santa, who is implicitly tacit in reindeer bigotry.

Q: I have to admit I never really thought about it that hard.

A: You know, here at the pole we work hard to make sure that everyone feels welcome – it’s not just a legal requirement, it’s the whole ethos behind the Santa organization. And this one song craps on that for a reindeer who never even existed? Yeah, we’re not happy.

Q: You could sue for defamation.

A: No one comes out ahead when you do that. Anyway, Santa has his way of dealing with things like this.

Q: What do you mean?

A: Let’s just say a certain songwriter received lots of coal one year. In his car. The one with the white bucket seats.

Q: Okay. The next question: Why reindeer?

A: Why not reindeer?

Q: Generally speaking, they don’t actually fly.

A: Neither do sleighs, generally speaking, and yet here we are.

Q: We could talk about that. I mean, the general violation of physics that goes on around the whole Santa’s sleigh thing.

A: Look, I don’t pretend to know the science of the flying sleigh thing, okay? That’s not my job. You can ask Santa’s physicists about it if you want.

Q: Santa has physicists on staff?

A: Of course he does. He’s one of the largest recruiters of physicists outside of NASA. What, you thought all this happened because of magic?

Q: Well, now that you mention it, yes. Yes, I did.

A: See, that’s just silly. It’s not magic. It’s technology. Highly, highly advanced technology.

Q: So technology makes the reindeer fly.

A: No, that’s genetic.

Q: Oh, come on.

A: You’ll have to interview some of Santa’s biologists about that.

Q: Leaving aside the questionable physics and biology of flying reindeer, how do you recruit them? The reindeer, that is.

A: Craigslist.

Q: You’re telling me the reindeer can read.

A: Of course not. That’s just ridiculous.

Q: Unlike them flying.

A: It’s not the reindeer, it’s their owners. Laplanders and Canadians have access to the internet too.

Q: So the owners of the reindeer show up with their deer, and then what?

A: Well, the genes for flying in reindeer are recessive, so we have to test for ability.

Q: With a DNA test?

A: With a catapult.

Q: Wait, what?

A: We chuck ‘em into the air and see what happens.

Q: That’s… that’s horrible.

A: Why?

Q: What if they don’t have the flying gene!

A: Then they come down.

Q: And you don’t see a problem with that?

A: It’s just gravity.

Q: There’s that little part at the end! You know, when the reindeer who have been chucked into the air hit the ground at 32 feet per second per second.

A: What? No. We put up nets, dude.

Q: Nets?

A: Nets. To catch them. Jeez, what do you think we are, monsters?

Q: I didn’t know!

A: PETA would be all over us for that.

Q: Maybe you should have mentioned the nets earlier.

A: I would think they would be implied.

Q: Sorry.

A: Anyway.

Q: Okay, so you sorted the ones who can fly from the ones who can’t. What then?

A: Then we take the new reindeer and start training them, using various tests and exercises to see which role they would be best at.

Q: The fabled Reindeer Games.

A: Right. Once we know who is good at what, we slot them into the role.

Q: So how many reindeer are in each position?

A: Roughly a hundred.

Q: That’s… a lot of reindeer.

A: What did you expect?

Q: I don’t know, I thought maybe two or three for each position. Like a football team.

A: That was just an analogy.

Q: No, right, I get that, but even so.

A: Look, these are animals. They get tired. And the sleigh crosses the entire planet. You can’t have a single team of eight physical animals pull a heavy object that entire distance. That’s cruel. You got a swap ‘em out at regular intervals. So the couple of days before Christmas we truck them to various places around the world, and when Santa lands, we make the swap.

Q: Where do these swapouts usually happen?

A: Typically mall parking lots. They swap out and Santa can take a bathroom break. He’s drinking lots of milk that night and eating a metric ton of cookies. He’s gotta make space.

Q: And no one notices Santa landing and swapping out the team.

A: We’re quick about it.

Q: How quick?

A: Let me put it this way: NASCAR pit crews?

Q: Yes?

A: Slackers.

Q: Final question: the reindeer are on the job one night of the year.

A: Correct.

Q: What are they doing the rest of the year?

A: Leipäjuusto.

Q: Gesundheit.

A: I didn’t sneeze, you numbskull. It’s a traditional Scandinavian cheese originally made from reindeer milk.

Q: Santa’s a cheesemaker on the side, is what you’re saying.

A: And a damn fine one. His Leipäjuusto did very well at the International Cheese Awards this year.

Q: Did he say “Merry Curdmas” when he won?

A: No.

Q: Maybe he could make Holy Infant Cheddar, whose selling points would be that it’s tender and mild.

A: Stop.

Q: “Ho Ho Havarti!”

A: I’m going to have Vixen stab you with an antler now.


23 Dec 05:08

SpaceX Sticks the Landing!

Robert.mccowen

Took off, delivered a payload, then landed again. That's... an incomprehensibly difficult and complex technical feat.

launch and landing
A time exposure shows the launch of the Falcon 9 rocket (bright arc curving left), the first stage re-entry burn (top center), and landing burn (bottom right) of the booster.

Photo by SpaceX

Tonight — Dec. 22, 2015, at 01:49 UTC (Dec. 21 at 8:49 p.m. Eastern US time)— space history was made. For the first time the first stage of a rocket came back from helping boost a payload to orbit and landed vertically back at the launch site.

The private company SpaceX achieved this incredible milestone. And it was really amazing to watch live (scroll to the 40:20 time mark if the video doesn’t go there automatically):

WOW. I watched this on the SpaceX live feed, and my heart was pounding like a tympani (hearing hundreds of SpaceX employees cheering wildly only added to the suspense). By landing the first stage of the Falcon 9 rocket successfully, SpaceX can refurbish it and prepare it for another launch, saving a lot of money on launch costs.

One of the major goals CEO Elon Musk had for SpaceX was to lower launch costs, making it easier to get into space. Today, that goal was achieved. Even sweeter: This was the first Falcon 9 flight after one in June which failed catastrophically, with the entire payload (supplies for the space station) lost.

OK, let me back up a bit. Tonight’s launch had the primary goal of placing 11 ORBCOMM satellites into orbit. The launch was originally set for Dec. 20, but Musk delayed it a day because the weather looked more favorable tonight to re-land the booster.

Liftoff was right on time, 20:33 Eastern time (01:33 UTC). The first stage burn went nominally, and separated cleanly from the upper stage. While the upper stage continues on to carry the satellites into orbit, the first stage — which saved a little bit of fuel from the launch — flipped around and performed a burn to slow down. Without the upper stage, and minus most of the fuel it had at liftoff, it weighed only a fraction of its launch weight, so it didn’t take nearly as much fuel to slow down and reverse course to head back to Cape Canaveral.

Cold jets oriented it correctly, and the engine reignited to begin to slow its descent. Four huge landing struts deployed, then, at T+9:44, the moment of truth: It set down safely at Landing Zone 1, the landing pad that was once a launch site of its own in Florida.

Amazing.

booster landed
Moments after touching down, the Falcon 9 first stage booster stands vertically at Landing Zone 1.

Photo by SpaceX

Minutes later, the 11 ORBCOMM satellites were successfully deployed into orbit, and both the primary and secondary goals of the launch were achieved — a complete success. Incidentally, the second stage saved a bit of fuel as well. It was set to perform a burn to de-orbit itself, and will burn up over the Indian Ocean to prevent it from becoming just another piece of space junk to deal with in orbit. When I hear about that I'll update this post. Update, Dec 22, 2015 at 04:32 UTC: I have word that the de-orbit burn was successful. Also, SpaceX just posted this photo below of the booster landing, and yegads.

booster landing
The Falcon 9 booster moments before touching down safely.

Photo by SpaceX

Let me put this in some perspective. SpaceX has been testing vertical landings for several years time with its Grasshopper rocket series, which reached a maximum height of about a kilometer (0.6 miles) off the ground. Then, in November 2015, Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin rocket company successfully sent its New Shepard rocket into space (past the agreed-upon 100-km-high definition of space) and landed it again vertically back at the launch site, the first time that had ever been done.

Tonight, after the SpaceX booster landed again at the Cape, Bezos tweeted:

That’s nice, but also a little unfair. He specifically called the booster “suborbital”, equating it to the New Shepard. However what SpaceX did was far more technically difficult. The New Shepard went straight up and down, with no sideways velocity. The Falcon 9 first stage was moving eastward very rapidly, about 6,000 kph (3,600 mph). It had to slow, come back west, and then land. And mind you, it also successfully boosted the second stage with the payload of 11 satellites as well. What Blue Origin did was fantastic, but nothing like what happened tonight with SpaceX.

Congrats @SpaceX on landing Falcon's suborbital booster stage. Welcome to the club!

— Jeff Bezos (@JeffBezos) December 22, 2015

I’ll note that after the New Shepard flight, Bezos and Musk exchanged a series of snarky tweets that were funny, but appeared to have more than a bit of competition fueling them as well.

So, what’s next? The Falcon 9 first stage will now be thoroughly checked to see what damage it took and what it will take to clean it up and reuse it. Eventually, this will be a less expensive and faster process than building one from scratch. So in a sense, this test isn’t over: Once a booster is re-used, then it will show that the next step in spaceflight has been truly achieved (much like, in a historical sense, the second flight of the Space Shuttle was just as important as the first).

Nothing is ever routine when it comes to space, so while this was a big step, many more lie ahead. SpaceX has more Falcon 9 launches (and booster landings) scheduled, and will hopefully test its massive Falcon Heavy next year; this is essentially three Falcon 9s strapped together, and will have a higher lift capacity than any other rocket on Earth. It’s designed from the ground up to carry humans into space.

It won’t be human-rated for some time, and in the meantime SpaceX has an order from NASA to send a crew of astronauts to the International Space Station in 2017. Boeing has two orders for crewed launches, using its new CST-100 capsule. It’s unclear who will launch first.

Either way, this is all great news. Two companies are competing to make access to space less expensive and more reliable, and a third, Blue Origin, is making big strides in crewed suborbital launches. It’s been a while — July 21, 2011 — since an American rocket brought humans to space, but the time is soon coming when we’ll be doing it again.

Congratulations to everyone at SpaceX. You earned this.

Postscript: I wrote about Musk, SpaceX, and the goal of putting humans on Mars after a trip to the SpaceX factory earlier this year. That will put this launch into perspective as well.

Correction, Dec. 22, 2015 at 04:45 UTC: I originally wrote that the landing was on Dec. 21 at 01:49 UTC, but that was a typo. It was on Dec. 22 at that time, -5 hours for Eastern, so Dec. 21 for US folks.

21 Dec 20:09

The Merry Spinster, Coming Soon To A Bookstore Or Also On Line Near You And Frankly Not That Soon But Hooray Anyway!

by Mallory Ortberg
16 Dec 15:29

Vintage Photos of People Mesmerized by Holiday Windows

Children looking at toys, c. 1900. (Photo: Library of Congress

Each year department stores unveil their holiday window displays to admiring crowds. Festive windows have been a tradition in New York City since the 1870s; R.H. Macy, of the retailer Macy's, is largely credited with having created one of the first Christmas window displays in 1874. Today, an estimated 15,000 people pass by the store's elaborate windows every hour during the season.

In recent years, gazing into store windows has become almost as much a tradition as the actual buying of gifts, which of course, is the ultimate goal of the windows–to get shoppers in the door. Design and production for displays often begins more than a year in advance, despite estimates that 46 percent of Christmas shopping will be done online in 2015. 

Today we look back to a time before online shopping, when browsing was done through a pane of glass. Delight in these vintage photos of people mesmerized by store windows stocked with Christmas goodies.  

Two women admire a shop window at Christmastime, 1949, Holland. (Photo: Nationaal Archief/flickr)

A boy stands by a window display of Christmas ornaments, c. 1940. (Photo: Library of Congress)

Shoppers gather around a window. c. 1900. (Photo: Library of Congress)

New York window shoppers at Christmas. (Photo: Library of Congress)

Trees and wreaths on display, c. 1941. (Photo: Library of Congress)

Christmas toys on display, c. 1910. (Photo: Library of Congress)  

A boy gazes at a Christmas window. (Photo: Library of Congress)

Captivated by Christmas toys, c. 1915. (Photo: Library of Congress)
 

15 Dec 18:50

Lunch

Robert.mccowen

I mean, if you turn "a glass of tomato sauce" into "a few slices of tomatoes and some basil", it's a caprese salad and a roll. That doesn't sound so bad to me.

I'm trying to be healthier, so after I eat this brick of cheese, I'll have a spoonful of grease-soaked vegetables.
11 Dec 22:44

Free Smoothies

Robert.mccowen

Okay, I love QC but... who's Cosette again?

04 Dec 22:00

Kittens are Kittening

by John Scalzi
Robert.mccowen

KITTENS.

Watch! As they battle each other, and the DREADED HAND OF JUDGMENT:

In other news, I changed the kitty litter to another brand, and they started pooping and peeing outside of the box. Changed it back, Thing One used the litter box within ten seconds of me laying down the litter. I’m not training them, they are training me.

How is your Sunday?


03 Dec 21:23

Your 2015 Advent Calendar

Day I

You open the first window. Now something is open that wasn’t before. What else is opening that you don’t know about?

03 Dec 20:43

Abd el-Kader and Syrian refugees

by Fred Clark

For more than a year now, more than a dozen Republican candidates for president have been crisscrossing Iowa, site of the first-in-the-nation caucus they all hope will give them momentum to capture their party’s nomination for president.

Only Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum have made campaign stops in tiny Elkader, Iowa, but Chris Christie, Ben Carson, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, John Kasich, Carly Fiorina and Marco Rubio have all stumped for voters in nearby Dubuque. Jeb Bush was campaigning in Dubuque today.

So they’ve all likely ridden past signs for Elkader. They’ve seen its name on maps of Iowa. They’ve got organizers and operatives working there.

Given the cowardly, inhospitable opposition to Syrian refugees that all of these candidates have decided to make an issue, it’s safe to say that not a one of them knows anything about the person that gave Elkader, Iowa its name.

Elkader, the seat of Clayton County, was founded in 1846 and was given its name to honor Abd el-Kader, whose military exploits at the time were breathlessly recounted in American newspapers and popular magazines. El-Kader was a Sufi religious scholar who had arisen to become a brilliant general and warrior, uniting the Bedouins of Algeria in an astonishingly successful war against the powerful, larger and better-equipped army of France. His military success and his pious gallantry and graciousness in victory had made him a folk hero around the world.

Ultimately, the larger French army won its brutal war in Algeria. El-Kader surrendered and, betrayed in defeat, was forcibly taken to Paris. His presence there was meant to serve as a symbol of France’s victory, but he became, instead, a highly sought consultant visited by political and military leaders from all over Europe and the world. His popularity among the French people was such that the announcement of his freedom four years later was followed by a parade through the streets of Paris.

Abd el-Kader and his family moved to Damascus where he settled in 1855, intending to live out his days resuming the religious studies that the French invasion of Algeria had interrupted decades earlier. In a sense, then, el-Kader was a Syrian refugee, but he was a refugee who found refuge in Syria.

That’s not why his story is so relevant to the current American debate over Syrian refugees, though. That’s only a small part of what it is that all those Republican presidential candidates desperately need to learn from his story.

The really relevant bit came later, in 1860, when the Ottoman governor overseeing Syria sought to incite sectarian violence that he would then use as a pretext to slaughter the thousands of Christians living in that city:

The plan appears to have been this: that the Druze would incite attacks against Christians, “forcing” the Turks to step in and escort the Christian community to a citadel outside the city for their protection. There, Druze conspirators would be waiting to slaughter them all.

That’s from a terrific summary of this story by Rany Jazayerli, who’s better known as a writer for Baseball Prospectus and a smart, devoted fan of the Kansas City Royals. (Congrats on the World Series, Rany.) But he knows this story well – his great-great grandfather served under Abd el-Kader in Damascus.

The following is excerpted from his post “Abd El-Kader and the Massacre of Damascus,” which draws heavily on John W. Kiser’s book Commander of the Faithful: The Life and Times of Emir Abd el-Kader (the italicized portions are quoted from Kiser’s book):

On July 8th, Abd el-Kader had learned the details of the plot between the Druze and the Turks, and had rode out of the city to confront the Druze cavalry before they attacked. He – and his small army – succeeding in, ahem, convincing the Druze to call off their attack. Meanwhile, though, he was oblivious to the fact that there was a mob already sweeping through Damascus.

He returned to the city on July 10th, and found chaos before him. “Abd el-Kader soon learned that the Turkish troops assigned to protect the populace had been ordered into the citadel or were lackadaisically watching as rioters were running amok, burning homes and slaughtering Christians.”

Abd el-Kader, photographed in Damascus, 1860.

Abd el-Kader, photographed in Damascus, 1860.

And at that moment, Abd el-Kader, the man who had led his Muslim people in a war against Christian invaders for 15 years, knew what he had to do. And that he had to do it quickly.

First he and his men hurried to the French consulate to offer safe harbor; the French were immediately joined by Russian, American, Dutch, and Greek diplomats looking to flee the scene. And then:

All afternoon of July 10, Abd el-Kader plunged into the chaos of the Christian quarter with his two sons shouting: “Christians, come with me! I am Abd el-Kader, son of Muhi al-Din, the Algerian. … Trust me. I will protect you.” For several hours his Algerians led hesitant Christians to his fortresslike home in the Nekib Allée, whose two-story interior and large courtyards would become a refuge for the desperate victims.

“As night advanced fresh hordes of marauders – Kurds, Arabs, Druzes – entered the quarter and swelled the furious mob, who, glutted with spoil, began to cry for blood. Men and boys of all ages were forced to apostatize and were then circumcised on the spot. …Women were raped or hurried away to distant parts of the country where they were put in harems or married instantly to Mohammedans,” wrote [Charles Henry] Churchill of the events. “To say that the Turks took no means to stay this huge deluge of massacre and fire would be superfluous. They connived at it, they instigated it, they shared in it. Abd el-Kader alone stood between the living and the dead.”

Abd el-Kader returned with his men, and every Christian they could pull away to safety, to his estate. …

Well over a thousand Christian refugees were housed inside Abd el-Kader’s home, making it so crowded that people could not sit or lie down, let alone use the facilities. So Abd el-Kader arranged for small groups of his Algerian men to accompany the Christians, in groups of 100, to the citadel outside the city – the same citadel that the Druze had originally planned to use to slaughter them.

The residence was finally emptied out and cleaned. Abd el-Kader then circulated word that a reward of fifty piasters would be paid for each Christian brought to his home. For five days, the emir rarely slept, and when he did, it was on a straw mat in the foyer of his residence where he dispensed reward money from a sack he kept by his side. As soon as 100 refugees were collected, his Algerians escorted them to the citadel.

The worst of the rioting ended on July 13th, 1860. … At least 3,000 Christians were killed before it was all over. Abd el-Kader was credited with saving upwards of 10,000 Christians, including the entire European diplomatic corps.

This is a story that needs to be remembered. And with the current ugly turn in American politics, it seems particularly important to remember it now.

01 Dec 14:17

Cannabinerds

Robert.mccowen

Traci has Tai's haircut. Or, rather, Tai has Traci's haircut!

Fewer piercings, though. And only the one tat.

30 Nov 18:29

Unsolicited Advice For The Six Wives Of Henry VIII, Working Within Their Social Parameters And Not Suggesting They Just Invent Feminism Because That’s Anachronistic

by Mallory Ortberg
Robert.mccowen

Shared because it's awesome.

Catherine of Aragon

I don't know what to tell you, frankly. You were married to Henry for twenty-four years, which apparently wasn't enough time for you to learn his personality, which was easily irritated and soothed. Are you allergic to noticing which way the wind is blowing? Because that's the only explanation I can think of for your self-destructive behavior.

Read more Unsolicited Advice For The Six Wives Of Henry VIII, Working Within Their Social Parameters And Not Suggesting They Just Invent Feminism Because That’s Anachronistic at The Toast.

30 Nov 18:25

New Star Trek Series Premieres January 2017

Robert.mccowen

Okay. I waited and waited, and I still have something to say about this.

What. The. Fuck. I'm totes serious, CBS: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING.

(1) Alex Kurtzman is not at all a known quantity. When working with Robert Orci and JJ Abrams, there's been a lot of cool, geeky successes. When working *without* Abrams, you get Transformers, Ender's Game, and a handful of bad shows on CBS . Color me less than confident.

(2) They're making it exclusive to their paid streaming service. Let's break this down across various market segments, shall we?

(A) Cord-cutters who don't have cable and rarely watch broadcast TV.

These people already have paid subscriptions to major streaming services. CBS is counting on them to buy into All Access in order to make the show a success, but their approach is "Hey, you're already a customer of one of our competitors? How would you like to pay for our service, too? It doesn't have much content compared to Amazon, Hulu, or Netflix. There isn't an app for your iPhone, Roku player, Xbox, or smart TV. Oh, and also you'll have to watch ads even after you pay for service. So how about it?"

(B) People with existing cable subscriptions.

The value proposition is actually even worse here than it is for the cord-cutters, since these folks already have access to everything CBS sells *except* the new Star Trek. They also may not have the infrastructure (e.g., set-top box, smart tv, or console) to stream video, or if they do they may not know how to use it.

***

Like I said: what the fuck, CBS? You're setting your new show up for failure.

CBS Television Studios announced today it will launch a totally new Star Trek television series in January 2017. The new series will blast off with a special preview broadcast on the CBS Television Network. The premiere episode and all subsequent first-run episodes will then be available exclusively in the United States on CBS All Access, the Network’s digital subscription video on demand and live streaming service.

The next chapter of the Star Trek franchise will also be distributed concurrently for television and multiple platforms around the world by CBS Studios International.

The new program will be the first original series developed specifically for U.S. audiences for CBS All Access, a cross-platform streaming service that brings viewers thousands of episodes from CBS’s current and past seasons on demand, plus the ability to stream their local CBS Television station live for $5.99 per month. CBS All Access already offers every episode of all previous Star Trek television series.

The brand-new Star Trek will introduce new characters seeking imaginative new worlds and new civilizations, while exploring the dramatic contemporary themes that have been a signature of the franchise since its inception in 1966.

Alex Kurtzman will serve as executive producer for the new Star Trek TV series. Kurtzman co-wrote and produced the blockbuster films Star Trek (2009) with Roberto Orci, and Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) with Orci and Damon Lindelof. Both films were produced and directed by J.J. Abrams.

The new series will be produced by CBS Television Studios in association with Kurtzman’s Secret Hideout. Kurtzman and Heather Kadin will serve as executive producers. Kurtzman is also an executive producer for the hit CBS television series Scorpion and Limitless, along with Kadin and Orci, and for Hawaii Five-0 with Orci.

Star Trek, which will celebrate its 50th anniversary in 2016, is one of the most successful entertainment franchises of all time. The original Star Trek spawned a dozen feature films and five successful television series. Almost half a century later, the Star Trek television series are licensed on a variety of different platforms in more than 190 countries, and the franchise still generates more than a billion social media impressions every month.

Born from the mind of Gene Roddenberry, the original Star Trek series debuted on Sept. 8, 1966 and aired for three seasons – a short run that belied the influence it would have for generations. The series also broke new ground in storytelling and cultural mores, providing a progressive look at topics including race relations, global politics and the environment.

“There is no better time to give Star Trek fans a new series than on the heels of the original show’s 50th anniversary celebration,” said David Stapf, President, CBS Television Studios. “Everyone here has great respect for this storied franchise, and we’re excited to launch its next television chapter in the creative mind and skilled hands of Alex Kurtzman, someone who knows this world and its audience intimately.”

“This new series will premiere to the national CBS audience, then boldly go where no first-run Star Trek series has gone before – directly to its millions of fans through CBS All Access,” said Marc DeBevoise, Executive Vice President/General Manager – CBS Digital Media. “We’ve experienced terrific growth for CBS All Access, expanding the service across affiliates and devices in a very short time. We now have an incredible opportunity to accelerate this growth with the iconic Star Trek, and its devoted and passionate fan base, as our first original series.”

“Every day, an episode of the Star Trek franchise is seen in almost every country in the world,” said Armando Nuñez, President and CEO, CBS Global Distribution Group. “We can’t wait to introduce Star Trek's next voyage on television to its vast global fan base.”

CBS All Access offers its customers more than 7,500 episodes from the current television season, previous seasons and classic shows on demand nationwide, as well as the ability to stream local CBS stations live in more than 110 markets. Subscribers can use the service online and across devices via CBS.com, the CBS App for iOS, Android and Windows 10, as well as on connected devices such as Apple TV, Android TV, Chromecast, Roku players and Roku TV, with more connected devices to come.

The new television series is not related to the upcoming feature film Star Trek Beyond which is scheduled to be distributed by Paramount Pictures in summer 2016.

30 Nov 18:24

Hey Ladies: 1st Birthday Party

by Michelle Markowitz & Caroline Moss
Robert.mccowen

I'm sure Janelle's already seen this, but just in case.

Hey Mommies!

As most of you know, Peyton Jayne is turning 1 in a month! We're going to be hosting a birthday party at The Central Park Boat House and would love to invite you, your hubbies, and your little ones to join in on the fun.

Read more Hey Ladies: 1st Birthday Party at The Toast.

23 Nov 16:11

Adele Dressed Up As an Adele Impersonator Because No One Else Is Allowed to Be Her

Robert.mccowen

OMG this is the best thing

Adele's sense of humor may not always translate in her songs, but trust us, it's there even when she's not drunk-tweeting. During a BBC special that aired in the U.K. on Friday night, Adele appeared in a sketch for Graham Norton — or at least they say that's Adele. Meet Jenny: an Adele impersonator who, underneath all those bizarre-looking prosthetics, is in fact the real deal. She's so good at pretending to be herself, she even fools all the other fake Adeles who show up to an audition with her. That is, until she starts singing "Make You Feel My Love" and those cute, clueless Brits begin the waterworks. Admit it, you're crying too.

12 Nov 21:57

NPF: TIMELY

by Ed

As I was rushing home from work to change, pack, and start rushing to the airport to catch a flight I thought, as I often do in these situations, how recent a development in human history the concept of punctuality is. Don't worry, this isn't going to get metaphysical. I mean actual time. On a clock. The idea that the time where I am standing is the same as the time at my destination is more recent than most people imagine. Clocks have been around for ages, of course, and sundials even longer. The idea of coordinating time from place to place, though, is 132 years old. In the grand scheme of things, that isn't much. With Daylight Savings upon us this weekend it seems an appropriate time to tell one of my favorite tales.

Prior to 1883 every local jurisdiction in the United States essentially kept its own time. They were at first widely divergent, and with 19th Century developments like railroads and the telegraph they diverged less but still bore only an approximate relationship from place to place. In 1880, for example, when it was midnight in New York it was 11:55 in Philadelphia, 11:47 in Washington D.C., and 11:38 in Buffalo. This disparity had two sources. One, each locality set noon at the point at which the sun was at its highest at that specific spot on the Earth, meaning that noon was not the same at any two points. Second and more importantly, the means of keeping time and communicating among different places to coordinate simply weren't that precise.

The biggest complainants about this system, predictably, were railroads and telegraph companies. A train could arrive in St. Louis with the conductor showing official railroad time of noon while everyone in St. Louis was under the impression that it was, say, 12:45. To make things worse, each railroad was setting its own time as were other entities like banks, Western Union, city governments, churches, and so on. In short an invitation to meet someone at noon on Oct. 1 would guarantee that all parties involved would be there at something approximating noon. You had to be prepared to wait around, not to tap your watch at 12:04 and say "That's it, I'm out of here."

Time Zones were the most logical solution to the problem, and I think most people would be surprised to know that before a bunch of railroad magnates met in Chicago in 1883 to adopt a universal standard time, they not only didn't exist but were considered a crackpot idea on par with alchemy or letting women vote. After debating proposals to divide the US into either four or five time zones they ultimately adopted the Eastern, Central, Mountain, and Pacific time system we use today (with Atlantic time for the extreme eastern parts of Canada). A railroad baron named William Allen deserves the credit for the system adopted, although as early as 1870 an academic named Charles Dowd was advocating for something similar.

The big day on which every clock would move forward or backward to reflect the new temporal reality was Sunday, November 18, 1883. All United States and Canadian railroads would, on a telegraph signal from the Allegheny Observatory in Pittsburgh at exactly noon, coordinate accordingly. Around the country people reacted with the kind of calmness with which Americans have always greeted useful changes.

No I'm just kidding, people lost their shit. Fanned by histrionic newspaper editorials and whispers of sinister forces motivating the change (let's say, I don't know, Jews) the natural tendency of our nation to resist any and all change was on full display. The power and wealth of the railroads won out in the end though. Crowds gathered around public clocks in city squares and railroad stations to see man's foolhardy attempt to control nature in the flesh. At the appointed moment, clock hands were wound a few inches forward or backward. I wasn't there, but I'm going to assume that at this point everyone made that "Is that it? I stood outside for two hours for that?" face that is equal parts embarrassment and disappointment. Nothing could be less exciting than watching the adjustment of a clock, and I suspect that at least a few people learned a valuable lesson that day about getting caught up in hysteria.

But probably not.

12 Nov 15:55

I Am Dear Prudence Now Also In Addition To The Toast

by Mallory Ortberg
Robert.mccowen

Shared because WHAT IS THIS I CAN'T EVEN.

Advice columns are a guilty pleasure for me--Dan Savage in particular, but I like the diversity of deeply weird questions that show up in Dear Prudence.

And now MALLORY. GODDAMN. ORTBERG. is doing Dear Prudence. I never realized this was something that was missing from my life.

That is not a MELLIFLUOUS headline, but I wanted to make sure I hit the main bullet points of 1. I am Dear Prudence now, over at Slate, and also 2. I am not leaving the Toast in even the slightest bit, I am doing both things.

Read more I Am Dear Prudence Now Also In Addition To The Toast at The Toast.

20 Oct 15:18

Fright Court: How a Quintuple Murder and a Dream House on the Hudson Brought the Paranormal Into Our Legal System

Robert.mccowen

Heads up--it's a long read.

Fright Court: How a Quintuple Murder and a Dream House on the Hudson Brought the Paranormal Into Our Legal System

Illustrations by Greg Houston

The two were cordial, the way you are when you share the same space, but Jaycee Crawford didn't know his roommate well. They'd say hello in the hallway when they passed, then retreat to their respective bedrooms. That was about the extent of their relationship.

They'd been living together for nearly six months, but still, sitting in a midtown coffee shop on a chilly autumn afternoon, Crawford couldn't even recall the guy's name.

"It was something like Ilya," Crawford said. "Maybe Ulya?" He shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Ilya had an irritating habit of leaving his alarm clock blaring all day. He liked to listen to the radio at all hours too, so when Crawford noticed the music and DJ chatter emanating from behind his roommate's locked door, he didn't think much of it. He became a little more curious when he heard the roommate's cellphone ringing, unanswered, for over two days.

"I was like, who goes without their phone for 48 hours?"

It was Memorial Day weekend, 2013. Crawford, a professional photographer, had been in and out of the apartment visiting with friends, and it wasn't until Monday night that he started to think something might be wrong. It was a vague concern, though, and when Crawford finally called his landlord to unlock Ilya's door, his main objective was to put an end to the racket.

The coroner who came later said Ilya had probably been dead for at least three days.

"The body was in really bad shape." Crawford said. "There were big pustules all over his body and liquid dripping off of it.... It kind of looked like he had basted in the oven." The temperature was in the nineties, one of the first really hot days of the year. The smell was awful. "He'd hung himself," Crawford explained, "with three neckties, from the water pipe."

Crawford, 41 and dressed in a crisp peacoat with his black hair neatly combed, wore a nervous smile as he recounted the story. It's not that he found it amusing, but a certain giddiness sets in when you're describing a scene like the one he uncovered in the room next door to his own. "It was like CSI but, you know, real," he said.

Crawford and the landlord immediately called 911. For the next three hours, the two were tethered to the apartment while the police took statements and investigated the scene. Ilya had left a note, and when the cops were satisfied that the death was indeed what it looked like, the coroner's office took the body away.

Crawford spent that first night at a friend's house; when he came back the next day, Ilya's parents were in the apartment collecting his things. The family had been estranged for years, and they were interested in how well Crawford had known their son. There had been sporadic contact between Ilya and the family, they told him, but no reconciliation.

"It seemed like there were a lot of missed opportunities," Crawford said.

Crawford is not religious, nor is he superstitious. But after Ilya's body was taken away and the place was quiet again, his mind started to go places he hadn't anticipated. Very much in spite of himself, he became aware of little sounds in the apartment that he might have previously ignored: water trickling through pipes in the walls, floorboards creaking, the kinds of things he'd never picked up on before. He couldn't help it.

Ilya had obviously been going through a very difficult period. What if the "bad vibes," or whatever they were, had left something behind?

"I started leaving the lights on," Crawford said. "I just didn't want to have any dark corners."

Fright Court: How a Quintuple Murder and a Dream House on the Hudson Brought the Paranormal Into Our Legal System

Crawford and the landlord decided fairly quickly that when they found a new tenant, they wouldn't mention Ilya.

"We decided that there was no point in mentioning it," Crawford said. It would make the place harder to rent, for one thing. And besides, this is New York. "The reality is that someone has probably died in every single room of every home in this city."

In New York, withholding the information regarding Ilya's death is perfectly legal; in fact, a statute passed in 1995 specifically protects landlords and real estate brokers who fail to mention when a death has occurred in a home.

It's a law designed, in essence, to deal with ghosts.

About half the states have something similar. And those laws can all be traced to a 1991 New York court decision, Stambovsky v. Ackley, which contains this startling line: "the house, as a matter of law, is haunted."

In a country where litigation is a way of life and superstition is mainstream, maybe it's not surprising that poltergeists would end up on the docket. A Pew Research poll in 2009 found that one in five Americans believe ghosts exist. One in five also claim to have had firsthand experience with one.

While Stambovsky and an analogous case, Reed v. King, decided in California in 1983, are decidedly obscure outside of legal circles, the two decisions have prompted sustained debate in law schools and the pages of legal journals over the ensuing decades. They're fascinating, and not just because there's something delicious about a court ruling that deals with haunted houses largely with a straight face. They also raise some pretty profound questions about how the law is supposed to function in a society that is purportedly rational, though not always evidently so.

The rulings also occasioned some seriously unintended consequences — setting off a minor panic in the real estate industry, for example — and, even twenty-plus years later, leaving some questions unanswered. How exactly should the law operate in realms of superstition? In a country where many high-rises simply omit a thirteenth floor, at least on the elevator panel, where should the courts come down on, for lack of a better term, bullshit?


When Helen Ackley and her husband, George, moved from Maryland into a sagging Victorian in Nyack, New York, in 1967, they knew they'd have work to do. As she described it in the May 1977 issue of Reader's Digest, the place needed a coat of paint. The gabled roof had gone "awry." But broad views of the Hudson River and the "diamond necklace of the Tappan Zee Bridge" erased any worries they had about repairs.

What the couple didn't realize was that they were moving into a home most everyone in the neighborhood knew to be thoroughly infested with ghosts.

The first inkling, Ackley wrote, came when a plumber reported hearing footsteps in what was supposed to be an empty house. Soon after, a group of kids playing ball outside let Ackley know that the place had a reputation. She initially laughed off the warnings, but she'd been primed.

George Ackley had been living in the Nyack house for some time before Helen and the kids arrived; she'd stayed behind to close up their previous home in Maryland. Their first night together, she was surprised to learn that George had been sleeping with the lights on. She asked him why. "I don't want to discuss it," he told her, rolling over in bed.

Ackley's telling is full of the standard haunted-house tropes: Windows and doors flew open unexpectedly; swaying light cords were abruptly stayed, as if by an "unseen hand." Even so, from the start, Helen wrote, she had "nothing but good vibes" about the new house.

But the occurrences became increasingly hard to explain away, and after a while the living family began to communicate, at least in a rudimentary way, with their incorporeal housemates, Ackley wrote. The couple's daughter Cynthia, who was ten at the time, discovered that the ghosts could be reasoned with and were actually pretty considerate. When the family first arrived, she reported that her bed had been shaking every morning, rousting her out of sleep in time for school. With a winter vacation coming up, mother and daughter asked Cynthia's "invisible alarm clock," out loud, to please let her sleep in during the break. The spirit seemingly obliged.

There were at least two actual ghost sightings over the years, too, both of which Ackley described in detail, right down to the spooks' fashion sensibilities. One apparition, spotted by a friend who spent the night, was "a man dressed in a long jacket of the Revolutionary period." Ackley herself encountered the other while home alone painting the living-room walls:

What did he look like? He was the most cheerful and solid-looking little person I've ever seen. A cap of white hair framed his round, apple-cheeked face, and there were piercing blue eyes under thick white eyebrows. His light-blue suit was immaculate, the cuffs of the short unbuttoned jacket turned back over ruffles at his wrists. A white ruffled stock showed at his throat. Below breeches cut to his kneecaps he wore white hose and shiny black pumps with buckles.

She asked the spirit if he approved of her remodeling decisions; he was there for only a minute, and then he was gone.

"No, I wasn't drinking that day," Ackley wrote. "No, the paint fumes hadn't got to me...he seemed happy to be there, and I was proud to meet him."

The lot of them got along famously from there on out, and by the time she penned her piece, Ackley had come to "savor these happenings...if the time comes for us to move again," she wondered, "is there any way we can take our otherworldly friends with us?"

Ackley made a concerted effort to publicize her visitors. There was the piece in the Digest, of course, and she even had the place featured on a walking tour of Nyack. She was proud of her ghosts.


More than a decade later, the time did come for the Ackleys to move. And in 1990, Jeffrey and Patrice Stambovsky — who had been trying to escape the claustrophobia of New York City — looked to Nyack, and the Ackleys' busy home. They made an offer on the house, and it wasn't until the two parties were deep into negotiations that Patrice learned about the haunting. She wasn't so happy with the news.

While Ackley may have come to "savor" her ghosts, she hadn't put them on the list of the place's amenities. The Stambovskys felt they'd been misled. The stories about ghosts in the home were well-known locally, but as newcomers, they couldn't be expected to be familiar with Nyack folklore.

The couple wasn't worried about ghosts, court records make clear. They weren't superstitious. They were worried, effectively, about other people's superstitions. Their argument was that a house reputed to be filled with restless spirits wouldn't top the list of most house-hunters; at the very least, a certain population would be averse to the news, and that would make the house less marketable. They were worried they might have trouble selling the place in the future, at least for its maximum, unhaunted price. They backed out of the sale, which meant forfeiting their $32,500 deposit. But because Ackley hadn't disclosed the home's reputation, they didn't think they should have to eat those costs, so they sued.

Reached by phone, Patrice Stambovsky declined to discuss the case with the Voice, partly because she and her husband have been revisiting it every autumn for two decades. Every year around Halloween they get calls, she said. She sounded a bit fed up with it all.

The question in the Stambovsky case — whether ghosts have an effect on market value — wasn't entirely novel. Almost a decade prior, the California Court of Appeal had confronted some of the same issues in a case as bizarre as its New York counterpart.

While the California case, Reed v. King, was decided in 1983, to find its beginnings, you need to go back another decade, to 1971 and a town known as Grass Valley in the remote Sierra Nevada foothills near Lake Tahoe.

Fright Court: How a Quintuple Murder and a Dream House on the Hudson Brought the Paranormal Into Our Legal System

Grass Valley is strung out along State Route 20 in the tumbling mountain wilderness along the Nevada border. Tucked among corrugated hills carpeted in redwoods and shot through with cold, fast-flowing, crystalline rivers, it began as a mining outpost in the Gold Rush era. Today it has a typically crunchy NorCal flavor: There's a disproportionately large number of hydroponic supply stores and white guys with dreadlocks.

Charlene Vichi came to Grass Valley with her four children in the winter of 1971. Separated from her husband, she had recently been hospitalized after attempting suicide, and had driven from her home on the coast in Fort Bragg, California, to spend some time with her parents, Charlotte and Russell Faylor.

Sometime in the early morning of November 7, 1971, Charlene's estranged husband, John Vichi, walked into his in-laws' home and used a .22-caliber rifle to shoot every member of the family he could find.

There were five people dead and two more wounded when an emergency call came in from a cluster of homes near Route 20 that was secluded even by the standards of Grass Valley.

The emergency response might have been faster, but the operator couldn't tell which house the call came from; the area was so rural it was still served by a party line. When a Nevada County deputy sheriff finally entered the Faylor home, he was backed up — Old West posse–style — by a few neighbors armed with their own weapons. These are facts that might be quaint in some other context.

The deputy found Charlene Vichi dead, along with Michelle, her thirteen-year-old daughter from a previous marriage; Steven, a ten-year-old son from the same relationship; and the two children John and Charlene shared — four-year-old David and eighteen-month-old Tina. Charlene's parents were seriously wounded but still alive.

Even for a multiple-murder case involving toddlers, this one was particularly cruel, if for no other reason than John Vichi's choice of weapon. A .22 round is about the diameter of a chopstick. The caliber is so small, and so likely to maim rather than kill, that it can't legally be used to hunt deer in many states.

When the attack began — or "the fracas," as Sheriff Wayne Brown put it, weirdly, to the Grass Valley Union — at least one of the children was still in bed asleep. It took multiple rounds to kill Charlene and the children, and at least some of them tried to run. There were small bloody footprints throughout the house.

Charlene Vichi's parents survived, but the story was unremittingly sad. With five bodies to bury, the Faylors had financial problems heaped onto their considerable grief. A blurb in the Union a few weeks later, headlined "Family without funds," pleaded for donations to pay the victims' funeral expenses.

John Vichi, stocky and handsome with a shock of thick black hair, was arrested the day after the killings with his rifle still in his car. He's been in prison since. Today he's in his eighties, biding his no doubt limited time at the California Department of Corrections' Medical Facility in Vacaville, where ill and elderly inmates go to die.

Thanks to news agencies and wire services, the murders in Grass Valley made headlines as far away as Boston. Today, however, the incident is largely forgotten. Today, no one at the sheriff's department in Nevada County has even heard of the murders; even the kind employees working the phones at the local historical society draw a blank when asked about them.

Unfortunately for Doris Reed, it was the Faylors' home — which she would later describe in court papers, somewhat dramatically, as a "house of death" — that caught her eye nearly a decade later when she moved to Grass Valley, a septuagenarian looking for a quiet place to live out her days. It was sometime in the early 1980s when she and the owner, Robert King, agreed on a price of $76,000.

All was well for more than a year, until a neighbor, chatting with Reed, mentioned the murders that had taken place in the home ten years earlier. A mother and her four children had been gunned down, she recounted.

Reed wasn't happy. Unlike Stambovsky in New York, she wasn't planning to sell the place. But the history of the home disturbed her deeply, according to records on file with the Superior Court in Nevada City, California. She couldn't sleep, and was convinced she could see bloodstains under the paint on the walls. She felt the place retained an echo of the terrible things that had happened there. Maybe she can be forgiven for her fears; if a home can be haunted, the Faylors' would seem a very good candidate.

Reed wanted out, and she sued. Court filings claimed that King not only failed to disclose the murders, but actively tried to conceal them; he allegedly told neighbors to keep their mouths shut, lest Reed be scared off from the deal.

Reed claimed King had committed a kind of fraud by selling her a home with a history that made it impossible for her to enjoy. The filings described the murders in extreme terms — as "violent," which would seem redundant, but also as "gruesome" and "horrific" and as "atrocities." Much was made of the fact that they involved small children.

None of the court papers Reed filed mentioned ghosts — that would be crazy, and thus bad strategy. The defendants, however, were less coy.

"Any diminution in fair market value would have to relate to 'ghosts' or 'bad vibrations,'?" they wrote, in court documents on file with the Superior Court, the sarcasm fairly dripping off the microfilm. "It is difficult indeed to imagine qualifying an independent appraiser to render an opinion on the effect of 'ghosts' on the fair market value of this otherwise perfectly sound house.... The absurdity...should be a sufficient answer to plaintiff's claim."

The California appellate court decision, issued in 1983, comes across as vaguely condescending, filled as it is with punny turns of phrase. Justice Coleman Blease ruled that while some owners may not mind the "specter" of living in a house with this kind of history, it might not appeal to "less hardy souls," and the market value is therefore reduced in a measurable way. The decision also quotes The Merchant of Venice: "truth will come to light; murder cannot be hid long."

Reed won the case. The Vichi murders did have a quantifiable, dollars-and-cents effect on the value of Reed's house, the court said. The ruling even put a number on it; the murders should have knocked about $11,000 off the purchase price, or, put another way, $2,200 for every potentially restless spirit. Reed won the money.

The decision, understandably, sidestepped the question of whether ghosts are actually real. What the court determined, it seems, is that belief itself has meaning.

As with the California decision, the court in the Stambovsky case failed to settle the question of the afterlife. That decision largely follows the same lines, but the two cases have subtle differences. There was never a hint that the Stambovskys believed in ghosts; theirs was purely a complaint about the home's reputation. And there was never any evidence to suggest that anything particularly traumatic had happened in the mansion in Nyack. Reed had newspaper clippings and the recollections of the neighbors, but these concerned murders, not ghosts. In a way, her concerns were more valid. Something terrible had happened in her home. An infant and children and their mother really had lost their lives.


Some legal scholars point out that while courts may have been taking an expansive, progressive view of the law when they determined that ghosts were "material" to the sale of a home, they unwittingly opened a door that still sits slightly ajar.

"I think the decisions really scared the real estate industry," said Sharlene McEvoy, a professor of law at Fairfield University in Connecticut who wrote about the cases in the early Nineties. "They felt there was now a risk that contracts would be rescinded based on these cases."

The cover of the October 21, 2015, issue of the Village Voice. Illustration by Greg Houston.

The cover of the October 21, 2015, issue of the Village Voice. Illustration by Greg Houston.

If any fear or stigma, even one based on nothing but superstition and ignorance, could be "material," where would it end? The courts didn't even attempt to determine whether the stigma was rational. What if a home had hosted satanic rituals? Could that nullify a sale too? How about prostitution?

Those examples are hypothetical. But in 1985 the principles involved in Reed v. King actually were used to legitimize another irrational fear, when a homebuyer cited the case as precedent after learning that a former tenant had died of AIDS. While there was, of course, absolutely no risk to the new tenant, Reed showed that provable harm was now irrelevant. It was a perfect example of what that case had called the "camel's nose of unrestrained irrationality." Failing to draw the line at ghosts, it seemed, had obliterated the line.

McEvoy, for her part, thinks the court mainly got things right. "I like when consumers are protected," she said. But the response from the real estate industry, a political "force to be reckoned with," as McEvoy put it, was considerable. State legislatures went to work crafting laws, like New York's, designed to absolve brokers and their clients from the responsibility to disclose.

California's version is particularly interesting. Like the laws enacted elsewhere, it was designed to blunt the effects of the courts by immunizing brokers and sellers.

But the confused, somewhat ambiguous wording of the statute reflects the confused, somewhat ambivalent rulings themselves. In plain language, it says that a broker or seller can't be sued when a death in a home occurred over three years ago. On the other hand, it doesn't require a broker to disclose a death that's less than three years old, which is what makes the legislation such a masterpiece of legalistic gobbledygook. Most laws either tell you what you are prohibited from doing — you can't kill another person, for example — or stipulate what you're required to do — you must signal your turns. California Civil Code Section 1710.2, however, does neither of those things. Rather, it indicates what you are not prohibited from not doing:

"(a) No cause of action arises against an owner of real property or his or her agent, or any agent of a transferee of real property, for the failure to disclose to the transferee the occurrence of an occupant's death upon the real property or the manner of death where the death has occurred more than three years prior to the date the transferee offers to purchase, lease, or rent the real property..."

"No cause of action arises," the legislature said, against a seller or renter of a property who fails to disclose a death more than three years old. So the seller isn't explicitly required to disclose deaths less than three years old. But they're not liable for not disclosing a death more than three years old.

Got that?


When he wrote his decision, Israel Rubin didn't expect that he'd be talking about Stambovsky decades later.

"It was one of, I think, about twenty cases that day," he said.

During an interview not long before his death in 2014, the former judge's face was just visible above heaps of paper and Pentaflex folders spilling in a riot over his desk. On the 38th floor of a midtown office building, his back to a bay window, his head was framed by a broad view of the Manhattan skyline and crowned with a breath of white hair.

Rubin said he's had a steady stream of inquiries about the case over the years.

"I've received letters, one after another, from law schools and law students from all over," Rubin said, and media too. "Italy, France, Japan."

Rubin ultimately took the Stambovskys' side. Because Ackley had widely publicized the supposed presence of ghosts in her home, she had a responsibility to inform a potential buyer as well.

Like with Reed v. King, Rubin's decision had a tongue-in-cheek quality. It quoted Shakespeare, too — Hamlet, this time, appropriately enough — but also Ghostbusters: "A very practical problem arises with respect to the discovery of a paranormal phenomenon: 'Who you gonna call?'?"

It was clear Rubin took some pride in a case that he considered, above all, an excellent teaching tool. What better way to get law students to pay attention in class than to bring up ghosts? As for the puns? That just proves judges are capable of humor, he said. (Or "Yuma," in Rubin's flat New York brogue.)

But he wasn't so caught up in the bigger questions. In Rubin's view, Stambovsky was a clear-cut case. The five-judge panel that made the decision was split, but he said there wasn't an unusually long or contentious discussion. In any event, he certainly wasn't interested in being lured into pontification about the law and its proper role in a progressive and modern society, or humanity's relationship with death. It was simple: The house had a reputation; the Stambovskys couldn't possibly have learned about it during a standard home inspection; the defendant should have told them. What's next on the docket?

"It was a real estate case, a fairly routine case, actually," Rubin said. "It was never about whether anyone believes in ghosts."

Fair enough. But what about Rubin himself?

The judge had his hands clasped in front of him. "Of course not."

Jaycee Crawford

Jaycee Crawford

Willie Davis

About two months after Ilya's death, Jaycee was in the kitchen in his apartment, making himself some dinner, having just arrived home from work. After a few nervous weeks, he'd started to relax a little bit. His ears no longer pricked up at every creak. He was no longer running up his electric bill by running every light bulb in the place. He was beginning to feel like Ilya's spirit, if it had ever been there, had vacated the premises. He and the landlord had agreed on a new roommate who would be moving in shortly. They hadn't mentioned Ilya.

Attending to his meal, alone in his darkened home, Crawford suddenly stopped. There was a rustling noise coming from the dead man's room.

It definitely wasn't his imagination this time, he said. There was someone inside. Was Ilya's ghost finally making his presence known? Crawford listened for a moment, frozen. Then he thought he heard the doorknob turn.

Crawford whirled around and looked down the short, unlit hallway that led to Ilya's room. The door opened, and the shape of a man emerged. Crawford's heart leapt into his throat.

It was the new roommate, Mike. The landlord had given him a key.

Mike was very much alive.

"I was very relieved." Crawford said. "I didn't realize he had already moved in."

In the weeks after Ilya's death, the house had lost its smell. The landlord had enlisted Crawford to help clean up after the suicide. It was gruesome work. "A sea" of bodily fluids had seeped into the mattress, he said. They'd packed up the dead man's belongings, those that hadn't been collected by the parents, and thrown them in the dumpster. The landlord scrubbed the floor and let the place air out.

But as Blease, the judge in the Reed case, might have noted, "truth will come to light," and Mike eventually found out about Ilya's death, about three weeks after he moved in. He was not pleased.

Crawford and the landlord sat down with Mike and explained that he could end the lease if he wanted to; there would be no penalty for backing out. While Crawford had become increasingly comfortable in the home, he understood that not everyone was going to feel OK living in a room that had been the site of a suicide.

Maybe incongruously, Crawford had tamped down his irrational fear of ghosts, and made peace with Ilya's death, by way of a thoroughly rational approach: In all the time that had passed, though he'd been watching rather closely, Crawford hadn't had a single supernatural experience. It wasn't that the existence of ghosts suddenly seemed impossible to him, but he had to evaluate the empirical evidence around him. Surely, if the place were haunted, he would have seen some proof by now. It was as simple as that, a matter of probability.

Crawford took the same argument he'd been using against himself and now turned it on Mike. Mike had been there for nearly a month by this point. Was he having trouble sleeping? Did the room seem like it was haunted?

"No," Mike admitted, in Crawford's recollection. "Actually it's been really peaceful."

Mike said he hadn't slept so well in years.

06 Oct 13:38

Christians ‘serious about their faith’ should consider getting guns, Lt. Gov. says

Robert.mccowen

(facepalm)


Ron Ramsey during a 2014 legislative planning session. (Mark Zaleski/AP file)

Like many Americans, Tennessee Lt. Gov. Ron Ramsey (R) took to social media to post his reaction to the mass shooting last week at Oregon’s Umpqua Community College. Ramsey’s Facebook post Friday focused on one aspect of the tragedy: that the gunman reportedly asked his victims whether they were Christian and then shot them if they answered yes.

Ramsey’s solution? “Fellow Christians who are serious about their faith” should “think about getting a handgun permit.” He included a link to a state government Web site instructing residents on how they can acquire such a permit.

[At a church in Roseburg, Ore., hard questions about faith after a gunman takes innocent Christian lives]

“The recent spike in mass shootings across the nation is truly troubling,” wrote Ramsey, the speaker of the Tennessee Senate. “Whether the perpetrators are motivated by aggressive secularism, jihadist extremism or racial supremacy, their targets remain the same: Christians and defenders of the West.”

He continued: “While this is not the time for widespread panic, it is a time to prepare.” Then, he added: “Our enemies are armed. We must do likewise.”

The shooting rampage on the rural campus in southwest Oregon left 10 dead, including gunman Chris Harper Mercer. Police recovered 14 guns from Mercer’s apartment and the crime scene, and authorities said he had a fascination with weaponry.

[In Roseburg, a focus on healing and the lives of the victims — not the killer]

Investigators have said little publicly about Mercer’s motives. Several eyewitnesses relayed accounts that Harper specifically asked people whether they were Christians before shooting them.

Previous stories of school shooters targeting Christians have gained widespread attention, most notably two girls killed in the Columbine High School shooting in 1999. Initial reports about the circumstances surrounding their deaths were later questioned.

[School shooters targeting Christians is not a new claim]

Ramsey’s call for Christians to arm themselves in the wake of a mass shooting drew rebuke from some of his colleagues in the Tennessee statehouse. State Rep. Jon Ray Clemmons (D) said in a statement that Ramsey’s comments “reek of fear-mongering and religious crusading.”

“There is an eerie absence of logic in his statement that ties one’s Christian faith to firearms ownership that is offensive to all religions,” Clemmons said. “Senator Ramsey is essentially saying that we should all run out and get a handgun carry permit to prove how serious we are about our Christian faith.”

22 Sep 01:18

Fahrverg-Nuked, Or Time To Unpimp Zee Autos

by Zandar
Robert.mccowen

What the hell?

Patrick George over at Jalopnik takes a closer look at today’s Volkswagen diesel emissions scandal story and puts it into perspective.  The automaker is facing tremendous EPA fines, almost certain recalls of half a million vehicles, and most likely criminal lawsuits from the US Justice Department.  Volkswagen’s not done or anything, but they are going to be hurting for years from this.  So how did it work? George explains it’s all about the blue pee in your diesel gas tank:

First, we need to start by talking about urea.

In order to meet tougher emissions regulations that went into effect in 2008, most automakers started supplying their diesel cars with tanks of a urea-based solution (often referred to as “AdBlue”) that cuts down on nitrous-oxide emissions.

Many larger diesel engines on big sedans and SUV, including some from Audi as well as competitors at BMW and Mercedes, use such a system. But VW and Audi said their 2.0-liter four-cylinder engine was able to meet the requirements without a urea injection system — although many people have wondered exactly how. (Update: Just to clarify, newer TDI models like the MK7 Golf, made from 2015 on, do include urea injection.)

On Friday, the EPA announced they found the TDI cars contained “a sophisticated software algorithm” which detected when the car was being tested for emissions. When that happens, the software drastically reduces the emissions as compared to normal driving, indicating to testers that the car had passed.

Basically, it’s like taking a test when you already know what the answers are. It appears the cheat device was present on all TDI cars, not just ones sent for emissions testing.

And the fines alone are going to pretty much cripple the company.

We’re talking about a maximum possible fine of $37,500 per vehicle, which could add up to as much as $18 billion for Volkswagen and Audi. That’s astronomical even for what is now the world’s biggest automaker, but then again, this appears to be a staggering violation of the law.

In addition, the EPA is working with the U.S. Department of Justice on the case, so criminal charges could arise from the situation too. And with a self-professed renewed focus on white-collar crime, VW could be the target the Justice Department is looking for right now.

The best part?  Volkswagen was busted because an NGO wanted to prove that Volkswagen’s amazing urea-free “cleaner diesel cars” sold in America would work in Europe.

The Volkswagens were spewing harmful exhaust when testers drove them on the road. In the lab, they were fine.

Discrepancies in the European tests on the diesel models of the VW Passat, the VW Jetta and the BMW X5 last year gave Peter Mock an idea.

Mock, European managing director of a little-known clean-air group, suggested replicating the tests in the U.S. The U.S. has higher emissions standards than the rest of the world and a history of enforcing them, so Mock and his American counterpart, John German, were sure the U.S. versions of the vehicles would pass the emissions tests, German said. That way, they reasoned, they could show Europeans it was possible for diesel cars to run clean.

We had no cause for suspicion,” German, U.S. co-lead of the International Council on Clean Transportation, said in an interview. “We thought the vehicles would be clean.”

Precision engineered….to cheat on emissions tests.  Nice work, Volkswagen.

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21 Sep 22:01

Travel Ghost

Robert.mccowen

In the game Destiny, with which some of you may be familiar, doing stuff unlocks "Grimoire Cards", which fill in background and occasionally tell little stories that exist as eddies in the main current, so to speak.

One of these side stories is a deeply creepy one: five scientists are faced with the question of what to do with a computer (a homicidal robot called a Vex) that is running multiple completely accurate simulations of them.

Ontologically, there's no way for any of the scientists to tell whether they're real or simulated. And any action taken by any of the scientists could provoke the computer to simulate something awful happening to one of the copies.

Ugh. Maybe it's just me, but it's creepy just to describe it. It's not just the solipsism problem--it's the solipsism problem PLUS the possibility that an omnipotent deity might smite me for something someone else does, PLUS the need to keep my own actions and thoughts completely clear of any hint of reprisal.

And a different ghost has replaced me in the bedroom.
01 Sep 14:52

Pick Up The Damn Phone — The Phonening

by Tom Levenson
Robert.mccowen

Gah. I'm going to go ahead and do this, despite the fact that I'm in utterly safe Republican territory. Shared so I can find the links to contact info later...

Yup — that time again, the time when I get to nag  y’all about calling your representatives about the Iran deal.

Champinjoner._Julius_Kronberg_1908._Olja_på_duk_-_Hallwylska_museet_-_47489

Here’s the menu:  if they’ve already said they support the deal, thank them.  I’m just about to do that for Senator Markey.

If they’ve already declared against the deal, tell them, politely, that you disagree, and that you’ll remember this at the next relevant November.  Even if your senators and/or congressperson are utterly safe seat types, they and their staffs hate hearing from a constituent directly that they’re doing a bad job.  Think of it as a long game:  they’re on the wrong side of this one.  But it doesn’t take many calls — shockingly few — to make them just a touch gunshy, which softens them up next time.  That matters, articularly on matters that you may care deeply about, but that haven’t risen to the level of automatic partisan division.

Most important:  if they are still undeclared, tell ’em what you think and emphasize how much this means to you.  I told my peeps that everyone has a make or break issue, and this one is mine.  YMMV — but make sure your representatives know you care. Joe Kennedy is about to hear — again — from me.

Speaking of which — it’s OK to call a second time if your folks are still in play.  That shows you mean it — and that’s what your representatives need to hear.

It really does make a difference.  They keep records of these calls.  The anti-deal folks are funded, out in numbers, and very, very dangerous. This is your chance to punch back.

House of Representatives numbers.

Senate numbers.

You know what to do.

ETA: A reminder — please be polite to the twenty-somethings you’ll be speaking to.  Even if they’re totally on the wrong side.  The message will come through louder and clearer — and they’re kids. Partly — you’re socializing them.

Image: Julius Kronberg, Mushrooms1908

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