AlisongrinterWasn't her male predecessor Barack Obama? I hear that dude only made $400K
Were you excited about the announcement that General Motors had hired its first ever female chief executive officer, Mary Barra? Did you, like a lot of other people, think it was a perhaps a huge step forward for women in bridging the gender gap or breaking through the glass ceiling or leaning in or whatever? Well, sexism says NOT SO FAST LOL.
    
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In a recent post, Dr. Phil (yeah, I know) argued that you should stop fighting in front of your kids. He's right, but he misses an important point: having regular arguments in front of your kids can teach them a lot.
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AlisongrinterNothing I don't love about this.
Pope Francis Blesses Male Stripper's Talking Parrot http://t.co/vVXIztics8 pic.twitter.com/q1sWIRO4YL
— Ellie Hall (@ellievhall) January 30, 2014
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AlisongrinterWe should start watching this again.
Kari Byron spoke to Mother Jones recently on what it’s like being the Chick on Mythbusters, what her inner twelve year old would think about what she’s doing now, and how babies and science are totally compatible. You just might have to ask your doctor a lot of unexpected questions.
Byron, Mythbuster and host of Mythbusters spinoff Head Rush, didn’t intend to go into science, or even television science, as a career. She was working as a receptionist to make ends meet while she tried to get a career in sculpting off the ground. Then a tour of Jamie Hyneman‘s studio inspired her, she managed to get herself an internship there, Mythbusters took off, she got pulled in, and the rest is history. She’s very much aware of the potential her presence has to inspire.
I’ve met so many mothers who were telling me that their girl was interested because I was on the show… And that really touched me, because when I was 12 years old, I kind of stopped being interested in science. It wasn’t something that could compete with boys and rock stars and MTV. You didn’t have role models. Even on TV, the doctors were all men.
The goal of Head Rush, which I had honestly never heard of before (it’s what I get for not having cable television, I suppose) is to speak directly to that 12 year old girl she remembers, and do the things that would have kept her interested in science. Hmm, Kari Byron the Science Siren? That might need some work.
You can listen to Byron’s entire interview at Mother Jones, but one of the more amusing bits of it is her description of talking to her doctor about continuing her work on the Mythbusters set while pregnant with her daughter.
“I’d be going to my doctor saying, ‘All right, so, when do I have to stop shooting guns because she has ears?’ And the doctor would say, ‘Hmm, I have never, ever had that question before. I’ll get back to you.’ I come back a little later: ‘How far away do I need to be from an explosion of this much C-4?’ ‘Huh, I’ve never had that question asked. I have no idea, I don’t even know where to refer you right now, I’ll get back to you.’”
Nerd mom problems.
(via Mother Jones.)
Fourteen-year-old McKenna Pope petitioned last year to make the Easy Bake Oven more neutral so her brother wouldn’t feel bad using it. Now she’s done this great TEDYouth talk on the importance of gender neutral toys and to motivate kids to not feel powerless to change the world. We have a new hero.
(via LaughingSquid)
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Could the Friends reunion rumors BE any omnipresent? No, they can’t, because it seems like every week, there’s a new unsourced quote from someone who once saw David Schwimmer at a car wash that a script for the Friends movie is being written, and that the film will be out in [impossibly short amount of time.] It’s so dumb. I mean, the script’s already done — it was finished by an eight-year-old many years ago.
When I was about 8 years old, my best friend was obsessed with Friends. He encouraged me to start watching the show and then recruited me and several other school friends to “play Friends” on the playground during recess. I was cast as Ross. Fortunately enough, I had a crush on the girl playing Rachel. Being something of an aspiring writer, I decided that we needed a script. Of course, I didn’t know the show very well, so I drew a lot of inspiration from a show that I watched regularly with my dad – Seinfeld. Hence why all the plots seem to humorously intersect at the end of each episode. Well, at least I thought it was funny then. (Via)
Still better than Sean Saves the World.
Weird. I have a script with the same dialogue, but it’s for Low Winter Sun.
The decision to roundly condemn Russia for its persecution of LGBT citizens seems a straightforward one, even when you bring the Sochi Olympics into it. That is, until someone points out that President Obama appointed Brian Boitano to his Sochi delegation, a figure skater who came out after Olympic career was over, and when the current Olympic figure skating team has no out competitors on it.
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Ah man guys, get ready to feel some feels.
Elementary schooler Kinnell recently discovered that Pokemon aren’t real, a particularly devastating realization since, according to his dad Kevin Fanning, Pokemon factored into Kinnell’s future plans in a big way.
“In his mind he’d been sort of looking to a future where he envisioned himself being responsible enough to have a real Pokemon when he was 10. I think he eventually had looked at it from enough angles that he realized, wait, I don’t know any 10 year olds with Pokemon, and I never actually see Pokemon anywhere in the real world, oh my god they’re not real, and he just started sobbing.”
Oh man, so what does a kid do when the bottom falls out of their world like that? Well, they appeal to the only figure in their life more important than Pikachu — Kinnell wrote a letter to Santa Claus asking him how to make Pokemon real. Hey, don’t laugh! Well, okay, you can laugh a little — trust me, it won’t last once you read Kinnell’s letter, which his dad posted on Twitter.
[Holds head in hands]. Oh, Kinnell, Kinnell, Kinnell — if this kid writes the Easter Bunny to ask why Santa isn’t reponding, I’m done. Kinnell’s dad doesn’t seem to know what to do either…
“I wish there was some other way through this conversation with my son, and I guess posting his letter was my way of asking for ideas.”
My suggestion? Go out and get a hamster and some yellow paint. It won’t solve the problem, but at least it will buy you some time while you think of a solution.
via Kotaku
AlisongrinterShe has a ball! She's talking about me!!
Here's a Golden Retriever puppy being driven completely mad with excitement over TV footage of the 2014 Australian Open. If you're wondering if watching a dog watch something for two minutes will get boring, the answer is a resounding NO.
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AlisongrinterCool!
AlisongrinterWhat in the actual fuck.
News recently broke that the Oakland Raiders are allegedly paying their cheerleaders (the Raiderettes) wages as criminally low as $5 per hour and now, as more facts about the team are revealed, it's turning out that not only do they pay the Raiderettes next to nothing — they also treat them like they're social fucking idiots. Gooooooo Raiders?
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Eighteen year old make-up artist, model, and photographer Stephanie Fernandez has done a series of photos of herself in make-up that is both beautiful and terrifying. Not only does she shoot the finished product, she also shows in-between shots so you can see the process she goes through. This lady has major skills – take note, Hollywood!
(via FashionablyGeek)
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AlisongrinterPlease?
Are you an avid indoorsman with $9,000 to spare? Do you want to send a loud and clear message to your fellow campers that, in the event of an apocalypse, you should definitely be the first people eaten? Then does Anthropologie ever have the tent for you.
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AlisongrinterShared for comments, esp pic - Real men head boop with kittens,
Once my older sister, 16 to my 14, was driving us to the store. She was always a fast driver, and we followed too closely in our wrecked-once Ford EXP behind a red Mercedes convertible down a winding hill, the driver a tanned, affluent-looking middle-aged man. He stopped short as we neared a stop sign, and our bumper tapped his. We gasped, but he barely paused. Rather, he grinned at us in the rearview, then simply waved a tanned, gold-banded left hand nonchalantly as if to say, toodaloo! We busted out in nervous laughter, and then later, we swooned.
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AlisongrinterA 16-year-old girl was engaging in “consensual sexual strangulation” with her 43-year-old boyfriend when she accidentally killed him.
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French photographer Rémi Noël has taken a series of photographs using a Batman action figure. The photos are sometimes hilarious and sometimes starkly beautiful but always fantastic. They’re also an excellent reminder that even Batman likes to swim and occasionally needs to wash his cape.
(via The Beat)
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The Toronto Zoo’s new baby polar bear took his first bath this week, everyone! His resemblance to a real-life teddy bear makes him too precious to handle. This little cutie was born to his mama bear, Aurora, on November 9 and he doesn’t have a name yet. I’m going to assume that this is because the zoo staff hasn’t found a moniker that fits his personality just yet. After all, he hardly looks like he could be a Fred or a Joe — he needs something a little more exotic to match his Arctic roots. His two brothers did not survive the first two days after their birth, and when he began to appear weak himself, he received extra food and assistance from the staff. If his adorableness factor is any sign of how healthy he is, it’s safe to say that he’s doing quite alright. [USA Today]
Making sure a suit fits right isn't terribly complicated, so it's surprising how many people you see walking around with badly-fitting suits. Make sure you're not one of them by employing these five fitting tricks.
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Two and a half years ago, Constable Suzanne Bourque was interviewing witnesses about the activity of a too-friendly-for-his-own-good bear cub who’d been pestering visitors at the Terra Nova National park in Newfoundland and Labrador when the bear cub himself showed up. The ensuing pictures were un-bear-ably adorable, but, in the way of things on the internet, ran under the radar for a while until they finally got their chance at becoming internet gold.
First there was the concept:
And then an artist arrived on the scene in the form of Ami Guillen, or Lemonteaflower, who, for example, drew the top picture on this post, and gave the then-unknown officer and bear the names Miss Officer and Mr. Truffles. From there, as so many things on Tumblr do, the idea has evolved into a tiny fandom of its own, with concepts, character lineups, gifs, Build-A-Bear dolls, and even educational cartoons about how campers can help bears by not feeding them. After all, that’s the trouble Bourque was trying to address when the picture was taken in the first place: eventually the real life Mr. Truffles was going to get so big that people would no longer think it was cute to have him walk up to them to sniff their hands and pockets.
And speaking of Bourque, she’s delighted at the little fiction that’s been drawn about her life based on a single photo. Some of it isn’t exactly fiction, either: there was a time when she was totally into The Spice Girls. “This certainly takes the cake for me. My sister, rightly so, said retire, basically, you’ve literally, pretty much, hit the peak of your career.”
The other good news is that Constable Bourque is confident that the real-life Mr. Truffles is still living happily in the wild after being relocated. Reports of his euthanization surfaced n 2011, but she believes those reports mixed him up with another too-friendly-for-his-own good bear cub who was also pestering folks in the same area at the same time. So don’t feed the bears, people. Feed the Tumblr content machine!
For more of Constable Bourque, and Miss Officer and Mr. Truffles, you can check out the Tumblr tag, this video interview for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, or The Daily Dot’s interview.
“I lay on my back one night and looked down at my feet, and I prayed to God. I said, ‘God, will you please let me have boobs so big that I can’t see my feet when I’m lying down? God answered my prayers. I had no clue they would fall into my armpits eventually.”
God works in mysterious ways. Katy Perry reveals in the February issue of GQ that when she was 11 (and still hugely involved in her parents’ evangelical Christianity), she prayed that God would grant her an enormous rack. I wonder if Katy was reading a lot of Judy Blume at that time, like, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. This is like, Are You There God? It’s Me, Katy. God was listening that day indeed. [GQ]
Perhaps it’s because I’m a little freaked out by identical twins, but this video of an adorable little girl meeting her father’s identical twin for the first time had me rolling with laughter. That side-eye! You can just see the wheels churning in her head, trying to figure out how the hell such a thing is possible. “Was my last bottle spiked?” she’s thinking. “I’m seeing double.” [Dlisted]
AlisongrinterClick through for the discussion of how changing an ad firm's culture changes its work. Cool!
Cindy Gallop — former chairman of the ad agency BBH New York — has penned a piece for AdWeek about what she calls the New Creativity, which she says is "female-informed." She has some ideas about how to shake up the "white male dominated industry." First: Hire at least three women.
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AlisongrinterIt's like the rhythm method for cars!
Sometimes cars leak, leaving ominous spots or puddles on the ground that can make you wonder if your vehicle is dying a slow death. The good news is if you can master the art of "spotology" by deciphering those mysterious spots, you can tell whether the fluid leak is a harmless drip or a serious problem to be fixed ASAP. Here's how.
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It's an odd American dichotomy, the South's bible belt blended with a thriving strip club economy. But in Houston, that very chasm is the source of a 16 year lawsuit from the city against a number of local clubs.
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If it’s good enough for resigning your command post, it’s good enough for the town council of Indian Trail, North Carolina.
David Waddell, town council member in Indian Trail, North Carolina, resigned this week, after completing only half his four year term. His resignation letter, contrary to pretty much every expectation I would have of how small town governance goes, was tendered in Klingon. Huffpo says that he decided to write it in Klingon as “an inside joke.”
HuffPo also says that Indian Trail mayor, Michael Alvarez, was not amused, so presumably it’s not a joke that he shares. Waddell needs the time off, he says, to prepare a write in campaign for the heavily socially conservative Constitution Party‘s platform against Democratic senator Kay Hagan, so this story took a real unfortunate turn at the end, didn’t it. Lets talk about nerd stuff instead.
Here are some more ways that you can resign in a totally made up alien language:
Okay, maybe definitely don’t do that last one.
(via HuffPo.)
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Alisongrinterfantastic!
Dear Whole Foods Shopper,
I first noticed you walking slowly behind me as I rounded the hot bar buffet at the Union Square Whole Foods. I always notice when there is someone hovering dangerously close behind me. I like my space while I decide what I’m going to fill my recycled carton with for dinner. I’m a salad bar frequenter, and I’ve had a few untoward encounters there — one time a man literally tried to have a conversation with my vagina as I loaded up on tropical beet salad.
As I turned around, to see who was encroaching my personal shopping space, I noticed your vacant smirk (like you just passed gas), your hoodie, your dirty, puffy down coat and your thick, black sunglasses. This was a strange detail considering it was dark outside. I didn’t think to look down. Instead, I thought, Oh, a vagrant at Whole Foods. Because if you didn’t already know, NYC Whole Foods are hot spots for people who want to take a shower in a free restroom. Hey, if I was hard on my luck, I’d probably hang out at Whole Foods, too. There’s free, organic hand sanitizer and lotion. Win, win! My point is that, I didn’t think much of you circling the salad bar. I let you shuffle around me without a thought.
Shuffle was a deliberately chosen adjective. You were shuffling in quite a strange way. It wasn’t until I saw another female shopper’s face that I realized why you were shuffling. As she rounded the corner from the hot buffet to the steamed veggies a la carte, she turned pale. A look — a mixture of horror and surprise — spread across her face like vegan aioli. That’s when I looked down and saw that you, sir, were COMPLETELY NAKED from your waist to your kneecaps. You were shuffling because your ripped jeans and soiled boxer briefs were riding very low.
It took me a moment to get my druthers because, well, your penis was fully exposed and I saw it. I realized that it must have grazed my shopping basked while you were walking dangerously close and that’s why you were smirking. My farm fresh blueberries would have to be put back on the shelf. The weird part is that only two people out of, um, maybe 500 shoppers had noticed you in your pantsless glory. Everyone just kept pushing around you, excusing themselves, as they rushed to get their specialty products before the delivery cutoff time. Whole Foods employees included! There was an employee whose job it was to tell customers where the end of the express line was –all the way back past the salad bar at rush hour. Even HE didn’t notice you shuffling around with your penis swinging. So, I alerted him.
“Sir, there’s a naked man at the salad bar.”
“OK,” he replied, as if I told him they were low on almond milk.
“No, I don’t think you understand. His penis is exposed.”
“OK,” he said again, “I’ll alert security.”
Whole Foods has a security team? He didn’t move, he kept manning the end of the line while you filled your recycled carton with tofu, mung beans and Thai beef salad. (I was curious about what your were going to choose, so I took note.)
The image of you, filling your recycled carton, with your penis grazing the metal buffet, was what made me decide that maybe the Whole Foods salad bar wasn’t on the menu for me anymore — last night or ever again. I suppose I have you to thank for putting an end to me spending exorbitant amounts of money on organic veggies.
I made my way to check out, as quickly as possible, making sure to say excuse me to you, just like all the rest of the Whole Foods shoppers, while you adjusted your penis to the left and continued to load up on Japanese eggplant.
AlisongrinterGENIUS
That gift card you received from a well-meaning relative, the card that will buy you half of something uninteresting from a retailer at a faraway strip mall, has been sitting there since the holidays. It’s time to put it to use. You could sell it to a service like Cardpool at a heavy discount. Or you could use it to pay for something much more exciting: Porn.
That’s the promotion currently being offered by Naughty America, the company behind a stable of adult entertainment websites that feature “multiple daily porn updates with thousands of the hottest Milfs and the newest Porn Stars.”
The idea, basically a sexually explicit form of retail therapy, is both convenient and genius. You simply pay for membership access to Naughty America’s network by trading in your gift card. The larger the balance on your unwanted card, the more time you can buy. A $15.00 Starbucks gift card will get you a 16 day membership. A $40.000 Target card buys you 43 days. A $100.00 card to Best Buy will get you nearly a year (344 days). And so on. Here’s the (safe-for-work) exchange site.
A few minor restrictions apply. For instance, the card must have a minimum balance of $10.00. But the service is 100% anonymous (no further billing information is required, just an e-mail address). And the exchange accepts gift cards from a huge collection of major brands. Here’s the complete list:
Abercrombie & Fitch
Adidas
Aeropostale
American Eagle Outfitters
Ann Taylor
Armani Exchange
Athleta
Babies R Us
Baby Gap
Ballard Designs
Banana Republic
Barnes & Noble
Bass Pro Shops
Bebe
Bed Bath and Beyond
BedandBreakfast.com
Best Buy
Bloomingdale’s
Brooks Brothers
CB2
Chico’s
Christopher & Banks
Coach
Columbia Sportswear
Crate & Barrel
DSW
Dick’s Sporting Goods
Express
FYE
Fandango
Finish Line
Foot Locker
Gap
Godiva Chocolatier
Guess
Guitar Center
Hewlett Packard
Hollister
Home Depot
J. Crew
JCPenney
Jo-Ann Stores
Jos. A. Bank
Kmart
Kohl’s
L.L. Bean
Land’s End
Lids/Hat World
Lowe’s
Lululemon Athletica
MAC Cosmetics
Macy’s
Men’s Wearhouse
Neiman Marcus
New York & Company
Nike
Nordstrom
Office Max
Old Navy
Omaha Steaks
Pac Sun
Payless Shoe Source
Petco
Petsmart
Piperlime
Pottery Barn
Puma
REI
Ralph Lauren
Saks Fifth Avenue
Sears
Sephora
Sony Style
Sports Authority
Starbucks
Sur La Table
Talbots
Target
The Body Shop
The Great Indoors
The North Face
Tiffany & Co.
Toys R Us
True Religion Brand Jeans
ULTA
Urban Outfitters
Victoria’s Secret
Walmart
West Elm
Williams-Sonoma
Naughty America (SFW link) via HyperVocal; Image via Getty
Dear Indian Trail Town Council Member David Waddell,
Actually, I guess I should say ex Indian Trail Town Council Member David Waddell, because you officially resigned from your position yesterday. I’m not in the habit of propositioning politicians, especially politicians who are resigning in order to stage a write-in campaign as a Constitution Party candidate, but it’s the way you resigned that caught my attention. See, you didn’t just submit a normal letter of resignation. You wrote your letter in Klingon as an “inside joke.” The mayor called it “unprofessional.” I call it brilliant.
What do you say we start a relationship where we never talk about politics and I don’t vote for you but we practice speaking Klingon together and make our “Star Trek” action figures hump? Sound good?
XOXO,
Winona
[ABC News]
AlisongrinterSCIENCE IS FUN!!
This post was originally published September 13, 2013.
Want to hear a secret? It’s a good one. Some might call it epic.
You know how, as women, we are constantly being reminded to enhance our appearance and increase our sex appeal so men will be attracted to us? How millions of straight women spend billions of dollars on clothes and beauty products to peacock around for some guy burping at the bar? How long has it been since you’ve really thought about how much time we spend waxing, manicuring, preening, primping, sometimes resorting to surgery, and wearing undergarments that treat our buttcheeks like teeth with corn stuck in them?
If you’re doing this to entrance the menfolk, will you believe me when I say you’re completely wasting your time? We already possess the key to attraction, and the door is located in the hoo-ha.
The vagina is a sorceress concocting magical potions; the hormones our pleasure box produces have a power that is being tragically overlooked. I recently watched “The Science of Sex Appeal,” a documentary explaining the influence that copulins—vaginally secreted hormones—have on men. Here I learned about one fascinating experiment, in which scientists created synthetic copulins for men to inhale.
Yes, really. Isn’t it nice to think that science took the time to both fabricate and administer cooch scent through a gas mask into the faces of male guinea pigs? I think it’s pretty nice. For one brief moment, balance was achieved in this universe.
So: while inhaling the fragrance of a woman’s front bottom, the male subjects were shown photographs of women with varying degrees of conventional beauty and asked to rate their attractiveness. The findings were remarkable. While huffing even the synthetic scent of clam dish, men were unable to discern or rank women’s beauty.
In other words, everyone’s sexy when a man’s wafting on twat.
How is it possible that this study wasn’t widely released, its results instantly becoming common knowledge among women? If ball sweat had these powers, men would not only be harnessing it and using it regularly, but also mass-producing it to yield high profit margins. It’s obviously high time I manufacture a fragrance called “L’eau de Snatch.” Smell like muff and you’ll be sure to attract men, should that be your goal.
And, it gets better. Not only does this particular scent enhance the perception of our beauty, copulins have actual mind control effects on the male brain. When a man is exposed to a woman’s copulins over time, she is eventually able to:
1) Change, remove, or insert memories
2) Tell the male what he sees, hears, feels, smells, tastes
3) Insert subconscious thoughts that will surface as male "ideas" or behavior later
4) Plant trigger words or actions that can cause thoughts, actions, or sensations in the male at later dates (days, weeks, even months)
Any man still reading this may be saying to himself, “What the F? Nothing is capable of turning me into that much of a zombie.” Women, you may be saying to yourself, “How might I go about doing this?”
Here’s how. The process is called “coupling.” A man has to be inside you, but not thrusting. You lie together like puzzle pieces, and:
While the penile duct is being opened, the vaginal walls begin secreting a much thicker fluid, thicker even than the fluid holding the penis in place. The fluid is chemically attracted to semen. In short, the fluid enters the penis, follows the semen down the shaft and directly into the gonads. This process can take as long as fifteen minutes, and requires that the vagina produce up to and exceeding 100 milliliters (a little less than half a cup) of this fluid in order to completely fill the penile shaft and gonads. This is over twenty times as much fluid as is ejaculated by the male during sexual intercourse.
Feel free to visualize this process. You’re welcome for the lovely picture of half a cup of fluid flowing down a guy’s pee-hole and nesting in his balls.
Perhaps you are thinking, “How do I get a guy to hang out inside me while also resisting the instinct to thrust back and forth?” Good question. You have two options.
The first is to be honest. Tell him what you are doing, make him a willing participant, and then go feed that unicorn.
The second is to be discreet and distracting. It takes time for your nectar to stream into him, so the fastest and most effective position is lady on top. My advice is to have sex but then don’t get off of him. Play it cool. Talk about upcoming global warfare, ask him to explain the rules of a sport you hate, or simply pretend to fall asleep because he was “that good.” [Ed. note: The Hairpin does not necessarily endorse the act of pouring vaginal secretion down someone's urethra to control their mind without their prior knowledge.]
After 15 minutes, the copulins have been released like a pack of wild dogs. They travel from his balls up to his hypothalamus. He is now fully susceptible.
Once a hypothalamus is flooded with copulins, the male brain is just sitting on idle, with only the bare minimum of thought process. In this state, the male is probably not thinking of anything at all, but any input from the female will become the male’s singular focus.
The implications are pretty wild. Under the influence, you can suggest acts for him to perform. I recommend staying within reach of his moral compass, but from there, the sky’s the limit. Testimonials are remarkable. Copulin-infused men not only comply with the requests of their women, but also do so happily. Men and women alike attest that “coupling” has genuinely improved their relationships.
While it’s fantastic on a micro level that men can became better partners, I can’t help but think of the bigger picture. Imagine if we get the wives, girlfriends and mistresses of male members of Congress to couple their way into some much-needed legislation getting passed in this country?
Are you ready to change the world?
Toni Nagy is a writer for Huffington Post, Salon, Alternet, Elephant Journal, Yoga Dork, Be You Yoga, and more. She has a blog where she chronicles her adventures with her 3-year old daughter. Toni also writes many text messages, and responds to most emails.
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