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09 Sep 21:58

A British Man Was Jailed For Telling Emergency Services He Was Nicki Minaj

by alexwgalbraith




A British man was sentenced to four months in jail for repeatedly calling emergency services and, at one point, telling the operators he was Nicki Minaj.

Stephen Brown, 24, was sentenced after breaching an Anti-Social Behaviour Order that demanded he stop calling emergency services when their was no emergency. He received the order after calling 999 (the British equivalent of 911) on Christmas Day twice, the first time to say he was being attacked, and the second time to say he was Nicki Minaj and had a ghost in his house.

He was originally sentenced to eight months, but a judge reduced his sentence to four months. Brown’s barrister said that his client was an alcoholic and “his own worst enemy.”

What he didn’t say was his client’s first mistake was saying he’s Nicki. The accent’s a dead giveaway that he’s actually Roman Zolanski.

There is a bright side to all this. People who try to be Nicki Minaj typically end up in her songs.

For more things Nicki Minaj, check out some of the internet’s best reactions to her snatching the soul out of Miley Cyrus’ at the VMAs, including this inexcusable (and kinda awesome) Jersey Club remix.

(Via Belfast News)

04 Sep 16:44

Japan Has a Google Street View Map for Cats

by Marie Lodi

Cats are the singular of God's creatures LEAST likely to use GPS navigation. They're unlikely to even be grateful that it exists. This was a waste of money.

Imagine you are an adorable little kitty exploring the streets of Japan. Where should you go? What should you see? Luckily, the tourism board of Hiroshima has created a website with street maps positioned from a cat’s point of view. Technology is just so wonderful.


31 Aug 21:08

Here Are The Most Outrageous Fashion Hits And Misses From The MTV VMAs

by Kimberly Ricci

Shared for last pic. On this day Z Lala got it right, painted face, self, like the Gugenheim


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Last night’s MTV VMAs saw plenty of messy drama, which will surely inspire think pieces for days to come. This superficial post is all about the fashion of the event. We already saw the barely-there custom Versace of Miley Cyrus and the colorful statement outfits of Amber Rose and Blac Chyna. Both of those examples could easily fall into “best” or “worst,” depending upon which way the VMA fashion standards flow. Let’s call them both borderline outfits and run down some slightly more clear-cut ensembles from the evening. Fashion is always subjective, but we can have a little fun evaluating the other reigning dresses from the evening.

Best: FKA Twigs donned a very sexy Atelier Versace gown made of chiffon. The undergarments were embroidered with Swarovski crystals for some added oomph. Twigs’ dress fit the mood of the event while still allowing her to retain her own unique style.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Worst: Taylor Swift disappointed in a fairly dull Ashish ensemble. This crop-top-and-pants failed to bring any drama to the red carpet, and we all know how good Swift is at coveting drama. Her shoes are Christian Louboutin, which was another safe selection. Lorraine Schwartz earrings completed the look, which Swift could have worn on any given day.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Best: Emily Ratajkowski nailed it and proved that she could escape the taint of Robin Thicke, whose career peaked two years ago at the same event. Emily’s ensemble was full-on Altuzarra. Her top and skirt showed a little skin but didn’t go overboard. Those boots were everything.


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Worst: Britney Spears was so excited to be at the VMAs, but her fashion sense is still stuck at the height of her fame. Brit Brit runs about a decade behind the times in this Labourjoisie dress. She looks pleased with her selection, which is what really matters. The dress still looks rather uncomfortable.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Best: Justin Bieber broke down on stage and dropped his new music video at the event. Before all that happened, he strolled the red carpet. Dare we say he looks a little bit — and this is a stretch — suave? For once, Bieber looks completely comfortable in his own skin. As for his clothes, the Saint Laurent jacket and shirt provided a decent contrast to those throwaway jeans.


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Worst: Rita Ora aimed for the vibe that FKA Twigs achieved. Rita pulled out all the stops in a custom Vera Wang gown, which ultimately felt out of place on the VMAs red carpet. Far too much effort (and too many feathers) went into executing this look. Rita tried much too hard, even for this event where attention means everything.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Best: Kat Graham struck the right chord for the VMAs in this Versace dress. The wild, offbeat pattern is perfectly executed, as are the cut and fit. She looks cool and collected but still fits the mood of an outrageous awards show.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Worst: Nicki Minaj wore a metallic Labourjoisie gown that revealed all. Some might appreciate the geometric feel of the gown, but this dress has been done so many times already. A little fresher feel wouldn’t hurt, especially when Nicki expertly called out Miley Cyrus in an interaction that may or may not have been real. Then again, no one was talking about Nicki’s dress when that feud hit the stage.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Best: Pharrell abandoned his mountie hat in favor of a laid back outfit, which he donned in conjunction with his laid back lady, Helen Lasichanh. Who knew denim on denim could work so well in a post-Britney-and-Justin era?


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Worst: Aubrey O’Day may have dressed for the evening with the full intention of landing on a worst-dressed list. The former Danity Kane singer donned a coral-colored nightmare that fit the mood of a circus trapeze act. Her Swiss Miss braids further confused the masses.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Best: Charlotte McKinney looked much more glamorous than expected in this tight-fitting, black gown with strategic cutouts near the bodice. She usually shows off the girls but covered up in favor of highlighting her fantastic legs. Well played.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Worst: Vanessa Hudgens would have made the “best” list for nearly any other event, but this Naeem Khan dress was a little too ethereal for the VMAs. This isn’t the Lilith Fair, after all. She does look beautiful but simply out of place.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Best: Jillian Michaels may have won the whole show without writing a single song. This funky Natalia Fedner top had a chain mail feel, and the red satin pants are perfecto. Jillian took a moment in the middle of the show to tweet, “Awkward.” One can only guess the meaning of her simple statement.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Worst: Bella Thorne wore a mint-colored Maria Lucia Hohan dress that looked fit for a spring prom dance. The Disney star’s uptight ballet bun was completely unprepared for the onslaught of weirdness known as the VMAs.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Best: Stella Maxwell brought her Victoria’s Secret vibe to the red carpet to support her rumored girlfriend, Miley Cyrus. Stella’s dress is Moschino (by Jeremy Scott) and achieved the desired combination of glam and funky for the event.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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Worst: Z LaLa‘s outfit defied explanation, but someone had to fill in for Lady Gaga.

2015 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

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28 Aug 13:14

Wonder Woman Lunchbox Banned By School Because It Depicts ‘Violent Characters’

by Andrew Husband

Not false, I guess.

A young girl named Laura is no longer allowed to bring her Wonder Woman-adorned lunchbox to school because it violates the school’s dress code. No, little Laura didn’t use the food delivery contraption’s hardened features as a weapon. Nor did she attempt to convert her leftover sandwich wraps into a homemade Lasso of Truth. She was simply bringing her lunch to school in it.

As Twitter user @auntiesiannan — who first brought the lunch box incident to the attention of the Mary Sue on Wednesday — points out, “Wonder Woman lunchboxes violate dress codes? I didn’t know lunchboxes wore clothes.” In the same tweet, she posted a link to an Imgur gallery featuring two images of said lunchbox and a third of the letter sent home to Laura’s parents, Daniel and Sarah.

According to the letter, the school dress code “requests that the children not bring violent images into the building in any fashion — on their clothing (including shoes and socks), backpacks and lunchboxes.” This makes sense, of course, but how does Wonder Woman fit into the picture?

“We have defined ‘violent characters’ as those who solves problems using violence,” the letter continues. “Superheroes certainly fall into that category.”

Granted, superheroes can often be quite violent — depending on the context of any given story, character arc or publishing house. But Wonder Woman? A violent character? Sure, as @auntiesiannan later notes, the warrior princess of the Amazons has had to get her hands dirty, but not to the degree or frequency that warrants being deemed too violent for school lunches.

There’s also the matter of conflating so many terms — superheros, violent characters, violent images — into one amorphous whole, a point the Mary Sue addresses in great detail. Just because a few characters identified as “superheroes” commit violent acts depicted in violent images doesn’t mean that all superheroes do so.

Then again, neither of the two images of Wonder Woman featured on the lunch box include any kind of violence whatsoever. The first is a closeup, and the second is a shot of her running with the lasso — a means of preventing, and not causing, violence — at the ready.

(Via the Mary Sue)

10 Aug 14:15

Cheeses I Wish Existed

by Jaya Saxena

Truffle Babybel.
Potato chip-crusted manchego.
A full block of whatever they use for Cheetos.

Read more Cheeses I Wish Existed at The Toast.

10 Aug 13:57

What Are The Buccaneers Thinking With This Insulting Female Fan Club?

by Stacey Ritzen

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The Tampa Bay Buccaneers want to “change the individual football experience” for female fans who love the game, but can’t be trusted to understand it or enjoy it on their own terms. On Thursday, the team launched “Red,” the brand new Buccaneers Women’s Movement designed to “recognize and celebrate their female fanbase,” by catering to them in the most patronizing way possible.

Pink jerseys weren’t enough? An announcement on the Buccaneers website reads:

RED will provide female Buccaneers fans with year-round educational experiences focused on providing a better understanding of the game, along with unprecedented access to their favorite team. In addition, RED will re-invent the female fan experience by providing insight into topics such as: what goes on behind the scenes on gamedays at Raymond James Stadium; how to maximize their gameday experience; how to blend personal Buccaneer pride with the latest NFL fashions; as well as tips on sharing their experiences and ideas via social media platforms such as Pinterest.

Ooh, I wonder if they’ll share the perfect recipe for Buccaneers-themed cupcakes or tips on how to re-purpose your ticket stubs into a Buccaneers tea cozy! Seriously, though, this sh*t is straight-up embarrassing, and the Buccaneers aren’t the only ones pulling this crap:

@thefootballgirl This was the promo at Bears camp yesterday …
Chris Burke (@ChrisBurke_SI) August 06, 2015

As if a woman can be expected to properly enjoy the sport without getting her hair done first. What year are we living in, 2014?

07 Aug 16:53

Here Are All The Highlights From The First Republican Presidential Debate

by Phoenix


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The first presidential debate of the 2016 election season took place on Thursday night, and we’ve barely survived the endless braying about Clinton, Obama, Reagan and Planned Parenthood. If you were fortunate enough not to watch, here’s are all the highlights, brought mostly to us by — who else — Donald Trump.

Trump raises his hand

When every candidate was asked to raise their hand if they won’t pledge to support the eventual Republican presidential nominee, Trump was the only one to do so, inciting a loud chorus of boos. Makes you wonder what he was like in grade school.

Trump v. Megyn Kelly and Rosie O’Donnell

The first 20 minutes or so of this debate was a true snooze fest, until Megyn Kelly, who has taken down both Mike Huckabee and Rand Paul for their sexist comments, brought up pretty much every misogynistic comment Donald Trump has made in public and then asked the following: “How would you answer the charge from Hillary Clinton that you are part of the war on women?”

Trump’s answer(s): He’s only called Rosie O’Donnell a pig (reminder here), he doesn’t have time to be politically correct, and Megyn Kelly herself hasn’t been very nice to him (mercifully, he doesn’t tell Kelly that it would be a pretty picture if she got on her knees like he allegedly did to a Celebrity Apprentice contestant.)

Rosie O’Donnell later tweeted a succinct response:

try explaining that 2 ur kids

— Rosie (@Rosie) August 7, 2015

Trump Face and Trump Hands, the memes of the night

Of the many gifts that Trump has given us (and that will be our undoing), his facial expressions and wild hand gestures are among the top ones on display tonight…

trump face

The other participants play well off Trump. Look at these other candidates getting in on the hand action…




And of course, the Internet had some fun with Trump’s physicality…

“In Florida they call me Jeb, because I earned it”

Because Trump shouldn’t get all the glory: we love it when a Bush tries to be folksy and says things that don’t really make any sense…

And of course he had to make sure to give his anti-abortion credentials a plug…

Chris Christie v. Rand Paul on Hugging


Rand Paul also came out of the gate swinging only, saying that as president he’s into “collecting more records from terrorists” while protecting American citizens’ civil liberties. Chris Christie then interrupted to call this notion ridiculous. So Paul then tries to say that Christie would improperly look into people’s records like President Obama supposedly has.

“I don’t trust President Obama with our records. I know that you gave him a big hug, and if you want him to give him a big hug again, go right ahead,” Paul says to rapturous applause.

“The hugs that I remember are the hugs I gave to the families who lost their people on September 11th…and those had nothing to do with politics, unlike what you’re doing by cutting speeches on the floor of the senate and than putting them on the internet within half an hour to raise money for your campaign while still putting our country at risk,” Christie shoots back to boos.

Trump v. Paul

Paul tried to go after Trump and got smacked the hell down…

Rand Paul if you come at the king you best not miss #DonaldTrump #GOPDebate

— gifdsports (@gifdsports) August 7, 2015

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Everybody’s gotten money from Donald Trump…except Mike Huckabee

A benefit of Mike Huckabee being a fringe candidate in national politics: the fact that he hasn’t gotten a donation from the self-proclaimed $10 billion man allowed him to remind everybody that he was still on stage…

Huckabee got a sort of clever dig against Hillary Clinton (who may have won this debate without even being in the room) in while taking down the other candidates…

Huckabee also stole a ridiculous Rush Limbaugh line about what the military is supposed to do: “kill people and break things.”

Trump’s finances

His frequent bankruptcies make him qualified to make our economy better than China’s, you see…

Oh, and the Republicans had a black guy there

And finally for something different, Ohio governor John Kasich says something touching about gay rights

The end.

07 Aug 16:36

Potential Leader of the Free World Spends Night Harassing Woman on Twitter - Ka-block.

by Carolyn Cox

I like this problem.

@timjcam: @megynkelly @FrankLuntz @realDonaldTrump Fox viewers give low marks to bimbo @MegynKelly will consider other programs!”

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015

During the GOP Presidential debate last night, moderator Megyn Kelly brought up Donald Trump’s history of misogyny, pointing out that Trump has “called women you don’t like fat pigs, dogs, slobs and disgusting animals,” and that said comments might not indicate “the temperament of a man we should elect as president.” (His answer: “I think the big problem this country has is being politically correct. […] “Frankly what I say and oftentimes it’s fun, it’s kidding, we have a good time.”)

So, like any reasonable adult in contention for one of the most influential jobs in the world, Trump retaliated by proving Kelly’s point and spending the rest of the night sending her gendered insults over Twitter. Not since the lady Ghostbusters decided to ruin some childhoods has there been such a desperate display of male entitlement.

Wow, @megynkelly really bombed tonight. People are going wild on twitter! Funny to watch.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015

I really enjoyed the debate tonight even though the @FoxNews trio, especially @megynkelly, was not very good or professional!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015

@JetRanger69: @realDonaldTrump @FoxNews @megynkelly @BretBaier WAS A DISASTER ALSO.”

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015

@Reid2962: @realDonaldTrump @FoxNews I expected better from @megynkelly, wondering what is her hidden agenda.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015

@agcaddauan: @realDonaldTrump @DRUDGE_REPORT Megyn could have done a far better job*”

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015

@stinger_inc: @realDonaldTrump @megynkelly‘s behaviour at the #GOPDebate was astonishingly biased.”

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015

@italy2320: @Reid2962 @FoxNews @megynkelly Tell me what I can do to help you. She really has made me want to never watch fox again”

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015

@CaptTimScrim: Dear @megynkelly , your attempted hatchet job on @realDonaldTrump was unbecoming & a total failure. @FoxNews

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015

@ElvisFever: @megynkelly @FoxNews Out to get you with baited questions. She was angry at you. Very hostile and unprofessional”

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015

@RubenMMoreno: @realDonaldTrump The biggest loser in the debate was @megynkelly. You can’t out trump Donald Trump. You will lose!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015

Kelly might not have disguised her feelings for Trump during the debate, but it’s hard to imagine an opinionated male moderator receiving so much push-back or being condemned as a ‘hostile, unprofessional bimbo.’

Regardless, given Trump’s appalling track record of misogynistic comments (in addition to his willingness to defund Planned Parenthood and his close association with rape apologists), I’m totally uninterested in giving him the benefit of the doubt when it comes to his treatment of Kelly. Or any women, for that matter.

If the whole president thing doesn’t work out, maybe Trump can get on the ‘ethics in game journalism’ beat? He’s already got the prerequisite obsession with powerful women and lack of social media chill.

(Via Uproxx and NBC, image via Shutterstock)

—Please make note of The Mary Sue’s general comment policy.—

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06 Aug 20:18

“Hell is Empty and All the Devils are Here”: A Shakespearean Guide to the 2016 Republican Primary by Emily Uecker

Illustration by Francisco Baudizzone

- - -

[Originally published August 6, 2015.]

- - -

Donald Trump

… many a man hath more hair than wit.

Scott Walker

O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!

Ted Cruz

I have no spur
To prick the sides of my intent, but only
Vaulting ambition, which o’erleaps itself
And falls on th’ other.

Mike Huckabee

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.

George Pataki

[Enter Ghost]

Chris Christie

In the corrupted currents of this world
Offence’s gilded hand may shove by justice,
And oft ‘tis seen the wicked prize itself
Buys out the law.

Ben Carson

How well he’s read, to reason against reading!

Lindsey Graham

March on, march on, since we are up in arms,
If not to fight with foreign enemies,
Yet to beat down these rebels here at home.

Marco Rubio

I will praise any man that will praise me.

Carly Fiorina

If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.

Rick Santorum

Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not
suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
down an ass! But masters, remember that I am an
ass, though it be not written down, yet forget not
that I am an ass.

John Kasich

… those sparks of life
That should be in a Roman you do want,
Or else you use not.

Bobby Jindal

… too low for a high praise, too
brown for a fair praise, and too little for a great praise.

Rand Paul

My father’s love is enough to honor him. Enough.
Speak no more of him; you’ll be whipped for
taxation one of these days.

Rick Perry

A stony adversary, an inhuman wretch
Uncapable of pity, void and empty
From any dram of mercy.

Jeb Bush

Give me my robe. Put on my crown. I have
Immortal longings in me.

06 Aug 15:55

Criticize More Kindly By Mentioning What You've Learned from the Person

by Melanie Pinola

relevant to your management interests

When giving constructive criticism, you probably don’t want to come off as a jerk . A better way to offer criticism may be this four-step strategy formulated by social psychologist and game theorist Anatol Rapoport.


01 Aug 11:51

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Don’t Be a Jerk at the Movies - Texasting forever.

by Carolyn Cox

Alamo Drafthouse has brought Friday Night Light‘s Coach Taylor out of retirement for an anti-using-your-phone-at-the-movies PSA. What do you say, TMS friends? Any other FNL fans in the house?

(via The Verge)

—Please make note of The Mary Sue’s general comment policy.—

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30 Jul 22:14

Hear The First Two Singles From Gary Clark, Jr.’s New Album

by James Sullivan

Following his incredible 2012 release Blak and Blu, Gary Clark, Jr. has returned with the first two singles from his upcoming sophomore album, The Story of Sonny Boy Slim. Clark has shared “The Healing” and “Grinder,” which are available below, as well as a trailer for the album.

Due out September 11, The Story of Sonny Boy Slim contains songs written, produced, and performed by Clark himself. The sophomore album also includes backing vocals from Clark’s sisters Shawn and Savannah. In the album trailer, Clark talks about the name of the album, saying his mom called him Sonny Boy, while his friends would call him Slim. Clark also goes on to describe the music that inspired the album, saying, “My inspirations range from classical, to hip-hop, to EDM, to whatever. I love sounds so much, whatever makes noise, I listen to it and soak it up like a sponge.” You can certainly hear the hip-hop influence in the track “The Healing,” while “Grinder” is much more blues-focused like Blak and Blu.

“The Healing”


(Via Consequence of Sound)

30 Jul 13:12

This Phone Charger Will Turn Your Car Into KITT From ‘Knight Rider’

by Aaron

Very fun for maybe one whole hour

Back in June, it was brought to our attention that Knight Rider‘s KITT — Michael Knight’s talking T Top Trans Am (say that five times fast!) — was going up for auction. Since all us fans are assumedly unable to afford such an investment, ThinkGeek is here with the next best thing: a cell phone charger!

I know what you might be thinking, but bear with me. You see, not only is this gadget capable of charging other gadgets, but it looks exactly like KITT’s high-tech but corny looking voice modulator. One final detail worth noting is the charger’s ability to say 11 different phrases made popular in the original ’80s TV show.

This really is great news, you guys. I can break my David Hasselhoff mask out of storage!

(Via ThinkGeek, H/T ComicBook)

28 Jul 13:06


by Reza

Best one in awhile.


24 Jul 20:29

Here’s How Much You’ll Pay For Beer At Every Baseball Stadium

by austinngaruiya

This is an excellent use of the internet. Also math.

simpsons beer


Consuming a live baseball game in the summertime is not complete without an ice cold beer. Around the MLB, different stadiums contain different food items and specials, but beer is a staple. Some teams will pillage your desire for beer to make an extra buck, and some teams won’t (sorry, Red Sox fans). But to see how great the deal at your local ball park is compared to the rest of the league, the folks at Vine Pair put together this fun infographic to illustrate the variance.

More than a century without a World Series title, and Cubs fans are still paying more for beer than any other fan base. Also, the mystique of Fenway Park takes a hit when you consider that you’re paying $7.25 for what’s most likely a shoddy light beer. On the other hand, Diamondback games must be rowdy and fun as hell. Fans can get drunk for a very low price. There’s nothing more American than that.

(Vine Pair)

24 Jul 18:55

Kelly Osbourne Announces New Gig Since Leaving Fashion Police

by Marie Lodi

Project Runway Junior!!

Kelly Osbourne has signed on as a judge for Lifetime’s new kids competition show, Project Runway Junior. The series, hosted by Tim Gunn and supermodel Hannah Davis, will allow teen fashion designers, aged 14 to 17, to show off their talents. The show’s other judges include designer Christian Siriano, winner of Project Runway’s fourth season and Aya Kanai, executive fashion editor at Cosmopolitan and Seventeen.


24 Jul 18:54

Ranking NFL Mascots By Creepiness

by drawplaydave

Title slate


Mascots are creepy. They have big heads, dead soulless eyes, and do not make noise. They are terrifying. Some, however, are more terrifying than others. While there are those that are merely make us a bit uncomfortable, some are otherworldly horrors that haunt you for years.

The NFL has 28 mascots. The only teams without these bastions of terror are the Jets, Giants, Packers, and Redskins. The Packers unofficial mascot is a giant cheese sausage. The Jets had Fireman Ed, sort of. The Giants have every Italian named Tony. The Redskins, well, with that name I’m just glad they don’t have a mascot because I’m sure it would be awful.

As for the rest of them, lets take a look as these monstrosities:



28. Toro
Toro is adorable. Look at how happy he is. Toro isn’t creepy; he’s just glad to be alive. Toro had a run in with cancer at a young age and didn’t expect to live, then pulled through and is now cancer free. He now lives his life to the fullest. An eternal optimist, you can only hate Toro if you have no soul. LOOK AT THAT FACE AWW I JUST WANNA PINCH IT.


27. Sir Purr
Sir Purr is harmless. He has an innocent cuteness to him.



26. Rampage
Rampage is kinda weird but he’s not terribly creepy. He’s like that kid who ate his boogers in school, but not quite the kid who wore all black, missed half of classes, smoked, and didn’t come back at all one day. Nah, he’s just kinda weird. Probably in the yearbook club.


25. Big Red
Big Red isn’t too creepy. He looks pretty friendly, but he also looks like he does CrossFit and won’t shut up about it. Will likely come up to you in the gym locker room while naked and try to have a conversation and act like it isn’t weird.



24. Who Dey
Named after the chant of bastardized English said by Bengals fans everywhere, Who Dey isn’t too creepy. Tigers are cute and the happy grin, whiskers and white fuzz gives a nice charm to this fellow. He looks like your well-meaning aunt at thanksgiving that you don’t want to talk to, but don’t feel particularly threatened by.

23. Billy Buffalo
The Bills mascot isn’t too creepy. Buffalo are big lumbering dopey animals, and making it a funny color of blue lessens the creep factor. The Bills as a team give fans enough nightmares already; there’s no need for the mascot to add to that.



22. T-Rac
The Titans of Tennessee’s mascot, who before this article I have never even heard of, is named T-Rac, which seems to be short for Terrible Racoon. This is Nashville, Tennessee. Why is the mascot not Elvis? Anyway the mascot is fairly generic and forgettable, just like the Titans.



21. Roary
Roary is a big pussycat, except if you’re Jamaal Charles. He’s not too creepy but you probably don’t want your kid making friends with him and inviting him over.


20. Staley Da Bear
Staley is just sick of your sh*t. He’s had enough. He’s an old bear. He’s tired. He’s sick of people. He’s two weeks from retirement and he’s not going to let you f*ck this up for him, so stay out of his way. You’ve heard the stories of his early days in the mascot force, didn’t you? The rumors of his brutality and what he’s gotten away with? Best just to steer clear.



19. Swoop
Swoop is a troubled bird. Spending so long on the endangered list made him edgy, and he had to kill some people to survive. Now he has a taste for blood. He wants to contain it, to be a normal bird again… but he lost his innocence. He cannot fight his urges. He must feed.


18. Jaxson De Ville
First off, we don’t know if Jaxson will even come back as the man who’s been in the suit called it quits after 19 years of bungee jumps, paintballs, ebola towels and general tomfoolery. But if Jaxson’s legacy carries on, he’s still not even that creepy. Jaxson is a bro. He’s the guy in your friend circle who would do anything on a bet. Ride a shopping cart down the hill, streak through the girls dorms, throw up at every party. If you woke up in the middle of the night to see Jaxson at the foot of your bed, it’s probably because he’s drunk and forgot which room was his.


17. T.D.
The result of genetic experiments and the star of several SyFy originals, T.D. (or Terrible Dolphin) will take his giant foam mouth and attempt to consume your head. Everyone will laugh, but when your head is in there getting foam eaten you’ll get this weird vibe that he’s actually legitimately trying to eat you and may come back to find you when you’re alone and cut you into little pieces so he can fit them in his mouth easier.


16. KC Wolf
KC Wolf looks like Wily Coyote suffering from CTE after all those knocks to the head from anvils and giant hammers. His eyes don’t look ahead and he probably doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s more doofy than creepy, but his freakishly long neck does impose some creep factor. Also why is his unibrow brown when nothing else on him is? Well unless the carpet matches the… blinds? I guess?


15. Chomps
Chomps has a friendly dog mouth, though there is hate in his eyes. The hate of a dogman that likes you, but wants to fight you and he won’t play fair. He’s jealous of you. He wants you gone. He’s just waiting for his moment. Also why does he have the most ineffective helmet ever?


14. Sourdough Sam
Why are all the human mascots so damn creepy? This guy looks like the uncle that used to touch you. Uncle Sam, why?


13. Captain Fear
Captain Fear might be the human mascot that had the greatest potential for creep factor, or awesome factor, but really he just looks like he’s about to piss himself. Apparently his name refers to his own terrified nature.


12. Blitz
Blitz has a knowing grin. He knows he has control over you. He knows you can’t run, and he knows you know you can’t run. He’s toying with you, letting you worry yourself down. That’s when the experiments begin.


11. Freddie Falcon
I’ll be honest, I didn’t know the Falcons had a mascot, or that it would look like someone gave a dead brown bush owl eyes. Freddie looks like you’d stumble upon him in the backroom of a party doing something unspeakable and then try to get you involved.



10. Raider Rusher
You know that horrible comic/Saturday morning cartoon NFL RUSH ZONE? Yeah, the Raiders literally lifted their mascot from that. Of course, the show is filled with creepy team monster people who are heads with limbs. That’s a great image to sell young children!



9. Viktor
The Vikings effectively have two mascots, Ragnar (Who is just a human being dressed as a Viking) and Viktor, the standard big headed creepy thing. Viktor looks like Hulk Hogan went into a super soldier program and gave himself heightened, unquenchable aggression and he just broke free of his containment cell and the power cut out and HE’S COMING HE ALREADY KILLED DOCTOR MAGNUS



8. Rowdy
Rowdy is that creepy kid who works down on “that” farm with “that” family. The kind of family that always talks about what a good boy Rowdy is when he brings home his latest kidnapping victim for their Sunday meal. Oooh… he’s such a good boy, my Rowdy… he cares about his mama *CHOP CHOP*


7. Sir Saint
The Saints have two mascots, Sir Saint, seen here in all his ball chinned glory, and Gumbo, a lovable saint Bernard who would easily be ranked “least creepy mascot” if I included him on this list. So I didn’t and went with the elephant man. Sir Saint lives in that big old Victorian house at the end of Hallow’s Court, you know the one with the ivy covering the big black gates. Nobody’s seen him for years, but teenagers like to play a game of how long can you stay in his yard without running away… and that’s when he is seen. A freakish monster of a man, more tumor than human. He hasn’t caught anyone yet… that you know of.



6. Miles
What the hell. Look at that head. It’s almost xenomorph-esque in shape and size. Why is it angry? Why does it not have individual teeth? Stop looking at me like that! Stop it! Get away, get away now! HORSES AREN’T SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE SEXUAL PREDATORS.



5. Blue
Blue is a thing of nightmares. The eyes don’t look the same way. It looks mentally challenged but strong. The jaw… WHY IS THE LOWER LIP SEPARATE FROM THE JAW. This may look goofy and silly but this is the kind of mascot you see down a dark alley doing something weird with it’s back turned to you, and when you try to get a closer look, the head slowly turns around and oh god there’s blood everywhere oh god what happened to that man’s face HE SEES YOU OH GOD RUN



4. Poe
The Ravens used to have Edgar, Allen and Poe as a mascot trio but decided they only wanted to pay one guy now, so they narrowed it to Poe. Poe kind of looks like those creepy  old doctor masks but with even less soul in the eyes. Poe will totally be a friendly guy during the day, but if you came across this guy alone at night, you’re probably going to die.



3. Steely McBeam
The blue-collar version of Pat Patriot. Steely looks like a dad who just randomly snapped and murdered his whole family with a steel pylon. He buries the bodies in the foundations of his buildings. You can run from him and try to escape in the abandoned steel mill, but THIS IS HIS TERRITORY. That’s when you get lost in the maze of production lines and you end up next to the smelter and you see the bones of his previous victims around you, and you know he just led you right where he wanted you



2. Pat Patriot
He’s required by law to tell you he’s a registered sex offender, but it’s likely he won’t even get that far because if you open your door to him it’s already too late, your body will be found, deflated, floating in the river missing several vital organs the following week.



1. Bolt Man
It’s too late. You tried to stop it. You tracked Dr. Richards all over rural Europe to the abandoned castle, and you thought you could make it and interrupt the ceremony before it could be completed. But it was too late, and he has been summoned. The sky opens, large tentacles come down from on high, grabbing the cult members and tearing them to pieces. Lightning strikes the ground all over. The castle splits open and begins to fall into a gaping pit of fire. You run. You run, but that’s when Richards appears in front of you, chanting the glory of his god, his god that is now upon you. You hear a sound that you’ve never heard before and never wish to hear again. Richards looks beyond you, a smile upon his face, a mind so far gone from the realms of comprehension. “HE HAS COME” Richards screams, and he is lifted into the air. His eyes explode, his body begins to ripple and he explodes into red ash. It falls down on you. You can’t move. You sit there, breathing, hearing the otherworldly sounds coming closer. It’s too late. With your final move you turn to face it. Everything turns black.

He has come indeed.

So next week I’ll do NFL Mascot Mouth Eyes.

24 Jul 13:07

Here Are The Best Twitter Reactions To Donald Trump’s New Campaign Hat

by Phoenix

Presidential Candidate Donald Trump Tours U.S. Border In Texas

Getty Image / Matthew Busch

Today the Internet saw Donald Trump walking around with a dorky Dad hat that says, “Make America Great Again.” So the Internet did what it does best, mercilessly make fun of the Trumpster. Here are some of the best and most hilarious tweets about the Trump hat during his campaign stop in Laredo, Texas earlier Thursday:

TRUMP: the hat stays. AIDE: sir, no one has even asked you to remov– TRUMP: the hat stays. luxurious.

— Ethan Booker (@Ethan_Booker) July 23, 2015

You've got 4 billion dollars and you can't get a better looking hat? Really Donald Trump?

— LoneStarPrincess (@texsassforever) July 23, 2015

Missed opportunity for the Trump:

donald trump still does not have an online campaign store where one can purchase this hat.

— EJ Baker (@ej__baker) July 23, 2015

The only thing that could make Trump's hat more awesome is if it were written in Comic Sans.

— Ana Marie Cox (@anamariecox) July 23, 2015

Some good reviews:

I love the #Trump hat. Every hipster in Williamsburg BK will be ironically wearing it this summer.

— Ben Kissel (@BenKissel) July 23, 2015

Trump should just always wear a hat.

— Zerlina Maxwell (@ZerlinaMaxwell) July 23, 2015

Missed opportunity for reports:

Dear reporters at Trump presser: Ask right now for him to show you the label on where that hat was made.

— Jennifer Hayden (@Scout_Finch) July 23, 2015

Missed opportunity for Texas:

Windy day in TX but Trump has robbed us of watching his hair by wearing a hat.

— Christine (@cmdeb) July 23, 2015

But was this a missed opportunity for Trump to get his message out about illegal immigrants this time?

The biggest news from that Trump border trip was the hat.

— Chris Cillizza (@TheFix) July 23, 2015

Seems like it.

22 Jul 14:04

Sorry Losers And Haters, But These Are Donald Trump’s Worst Tweets

by Josh Kurp

The Republican Frontrunner

PGA Grand Slam of Golf Site Announcement at Trump LA

Getty Image

Donald Trump may as well burn the money he’s using to fund his presidential campaign — it would do the same amount of good. The former Celebrity Apprentice host is a national laughingstock, though calling him that is redundant after “former Celebrity Apprentice host.” The love child of Salacious Crumb and Jabba the Hutt is a walking butt plug who picks fights with soldiers who were held captive while fighting for our country; used a stock photo with Nazi soldiers in a campaign ad; and claimed Mexican immigrants, who he called “criminals” and “rapists,” bring “tremendous infectious disease” to America. All that, in only the last two weeks.

He’s the best at being the worst, and these are his WORST (read: most hilarious) tweets.

An 'extremely credible source' has called my office and told me that @BarackObama's birth certificate is a fraud.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 6, 2012

Did we ever find out who this “extremely credible source” was? Probably someone with high-level CIA security clearance, or Trump’s ass, like Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura. One of the two.

I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 14, 2012

Other things Donald Trump hasn’t seen: Vietnam, black people, a mirror.

My twitter has become so powerful that I can actually make my enemies tell the truth.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 17, 2012

Trump is a mid-1980s wrestling heel. It’s easy to imagine him in a ring screaming “MY TWITTER HAS BECOME SO POWERFUL” while banging his oiled-up, puffy chest, stopping only to eat garbage. Basically, he’s the Trashman from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

.@katyperry is no bargain but I don't like John Mayer–he dates and tells–be careful Katy (just watch!).

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 19, 2012

This 60-something man, with a model wife 24 years younger than he is, has an unhealthy relationship with Katy Perry and Kristen Stewart (we’ll get to her soon). He loves to neg. “Look, Katy, I think you’re a human monster, but John Mayer is even worse.” To be fair, he’s half right?

While @BetteMidler is an extremely unattractive woman, I refuse to say that because I always insist on being politically correct.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 28, 2012

Go back to the top of this post. This is not a man who should be calling anyone “unattractive.”

Everyone knows I am right that Robert Pattinson should dump Kristen Stewart. In a couple of years, he will thank me. Be smart, Robert.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 22, 2012

No one cared about R-Patz and K-Stew in 2012 more than the Donald. There were multiple tweets about what he should do, and why she’s using him, which I love, because it means Trump’s seen at least one Twilight movie. He probably rented out an entire theater for himself, secretly wearing his Taylor Lautner undershirt (he’s Team Jacob, because they both suck).

Amazing how the haters & losers keep tweeting the name “F**kface Von Clownstick” like they are so original & like no one else is doing it…

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 3, 2013

F*ckface Von Clownstick is still hilarious, but let’s think of some original names.

-Baron Dickweed
-Count Splooge Manboobs
-*makes fart noise for 15 minute straight*

Now your turn.

Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure,it's not your fault

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 9, 2013

Donald Trump is Homer Simpson chanting, “I am so smart, S-M-R-T, I mean, S-M-A-R-T.” It’s been proven time and time that IQ tests are fundamentally flawed and meaningless, so anyone who brags about their high score is likely (or in this case, definitely) very dense.

Also, “SORRY LOSERS AND HATERS” is how I’m starting every sentence now. “SORRY LOSERS AND HATERS, but what time can I pick up my dog Gonzo from the groomers?”

The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 6, 2012

SORRY LOSERS AND HATERS (it’s catching on), but global warming was invented by the Chinese, as were potholes, the Disney Vault, the extended version of the Friends theme song, the films of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, and that itch on your back that you JUST can’t reach. Everything awful, really, all because they want to have a monopoly on fortune cookies.

It’s science. Look it up.

If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country—I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 10, 2014

Obama should take Trump up on his offer (which would be tracked on this bonkers website), and poop in the country club pool, Caddyshack-style. Now that’s MY kind of president.

22 Jul 14:00

These Are Nine Snubbed Nominees From The 2015 MTV Video Music Awards

by Michael Depland

Shared for the Shamir video.

Nicki Minaj Beyonce Feelin Myself Video ban


Now that the nominations for the 2015 MTV Video Music Awards are out, we can officially move on to the next phase of this whole process: Complaining about every wrong choice they made and who they forgot.

Before we begin, let’s just expedite a few conversations so we can move quickly. Yes, MTV doesn’t play videos anymore because they’re in a market where they can’t compete with YouTube and the immediacy of digital demand. No, we don’t have any of the premium cable channels that MTV actually does play videos on. Yes, Taylor Swift will still be surprised if she wins.

Okay, on with the snubs!


Snubbed: Tame Impala – “Cause I’m a Man”

This is probably the simplest layup nominee. Tame Impala has been spectacular with their videos leading up to their new album, Currents. Puppets in videos are always a win. Besides, the Arctic Monkeys video that’s nominated is from 2013, so Tame Impala could easily slide into that slot.

Hozier – “Take Me To Church”
Fall Out Boy – “Uma Thurman”
Florence + the Machine – “Ship To Wreck”
Walk the Moon – “Shut Up and Dance”
Arctic Monkeys – “Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?”


Snubbed: Carly Rae Jepsen – “I Really Like You”

Carly Rae Jepsen has been leading the charge to have the strongest pop album in all of 2015. A good way to do that is releasing a video starring America’s sweetheart, Tom Hanks, lip-syncing your song on the coldest day of the year. How was this not nominated?! A travesty, we say.

Beyoncé – “7/11″
Ed Sheeran – “Thinking Out Loud”
Taylor Swift – “Blank Space”
Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars – “Uptown Funk”
Maroon 5 – “Sugar”


Snubbed: Vic Mensa ft. Kanye West – “U Mad”

Now, we’ll admit, the field here is really strong. This is a category they mostly got right, but Vic Mensa‘s clip for “U Mad” is basically every dark party we’ve ever wanted to attend. Or, essentially, the party we think we’re at, but we’re too drunk to realize it’s kinda lame. Also, ‘Ye is on his mean-muggingest, and it’s perfect for his verse.

Fetty Wap – “Trap Queen”
Nicki Minaj – “Anaconda”
Kendrick Lamar – “Alright”
Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth – “See You Again”
Big Sean ft. E-40 – “I Don’t F–k With You”


Nicki Minaj ft. Beyoncé – “Feeling Myself”

Maybe it’s because people were upset that it was a Tidal exclusive, but once everyone got their hands on it, “Feeling Myself” became a classic vid. Who doesn’t want to be friends with Beyoncé and Nicki Minaj and eat burgers and twerk with them? And hang out in kiddie pools. Hell, we’ll be the quiet friend who just brings stuff. This is a ground floor we want to be on.

Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar – “Bad Blood”
Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars – “Uptown Funk”
Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth – “See You Again”
Ariana Grande & The Weeknd – “Love Me Harder”
Jessie J + Ariana Grande + Nicki Minaj – “Bang Bang”


Snubbed: Kira Isabella – “Quarterback”

Kira Isabella may not be a name in country music that you know, but her video for “Quarterback” should definitely change that. Telling a brave story of an unpopular girl who found herself in an all-too-common situation, Kira nails it in a way that’s never pandering, never paternal, but just real and understandable. It’s impossible for you not to feel while watching this clip.


Jennifer Hudson – “I Still Love You”
Colbie Caillat – “Try”
Big Sean ft. Kanye West and John Legend – “One Man Can Change the World”
Rihanna – “American Oxygen”
Wale – “The White Shoes”


Snubbed: Shamir – “On The Regular”

It’s almost unfair that Fetty Wap is nominated here when he’s clearly the runaway favorite. How could he not win: He’s got three songs that are already blowing up the charts. So, we’d like to submit Shamir into the fold. He’s been killing it under the radar for nearly a year, until his debut, Ratchet, finally dropped in May. He has such a big range from dancey to emotional to grimy, and he’s only 20. The sky is the limit here.

Fetty Wap – “Trap Queen”
Vance Joy – “Riptide”
George Ezra – “Budapest”
James Bay – “Hold Back The River”
FKA Twigs – “Pendulum”


Snubbed: Jenny Lewis – “She’s Not Me”

Jenny Lewis‘ videos for her most recent album, The Voyager (and really for her whole career), have been top notch. But her visual for “She’s Not Me” basically stirred up all the feelings that made us love her for all this time. With assists from Fred Armisen, Zosia Mamet, Leo Fitzpatrick, Feist, and Vanessa Bayer, she owns up to all of the demons from her child acting past like Troop Beverly Hills, The Wizard, and The Golden Girls. It’s basically futile to resist how charming it all is.

Beyoncé – “7/11″
Taylor Swift – “Blank Space”
Nicki Minaj – “Anaconda”
Sia – “Elastic Heart”
Ellie Goulding – “Love Me Like You Do”


Snubbed: Miguel – “Coffee”

How do you reward what is the best male video? Simply by what’s the best video by a man? No. We’d posit that “Coffee” is the best male video because it’s Miguel at his most virile, pretty much taking charge with his girl in the sexiest, most masculine way possible. This is the kind of video, regardless of gender, that will be burned in the back of your mind for the best reasons. That’s a manly video.

Ed Sheeran – “Thinking Out Loud”
Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars – “Uptown Funk”
Kendrick Lamar – “Alright”
The Weeknd – “Earned It”
Nick Jonas – “Chains”


Snubbed: Rihanna – “B*tch Better Have My Money”

This has got to be the biggest snub of all. How was Rihanna‘s revenge masterpiece, “B*tch Better Have My Money,” not nominated at all? For anything? It can’t be the deadline, because the equally deserving “Alright” by Kendrick Lamar dropped in the same week as “BBHMM.” This video was a tour de force and a fundamental shift in her entire aesthetic. It took over the entire music conversation. There must be a concrete reason that it wasn’t nominated. Otherwise, this was a glaring error.

Beyoncé – “7/11″
Ed Sheeran – “Thinking Out Loud”
Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar – “Bad Blood”
Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars – “Uptown Funk”
Kendrick Lamar – “Alright”

21 Jul 21:34

Scientists Have Re-Engineered Yeast To Produce Snake Venom

by danuproxx
pit viper

Wikimedia Commons/Uajith

It reads like a bad pulp novel plot: Scientists have removed two key genes from yeast, replaced them with pit viper genes, and now the yeast, instead of making the poison we like to drink, is instead making pit viper venom. But this is A) real, and B) done for non-mad-science reasons.

Chinese researchers weren’t looking for the venom; they were looking for a protein in the venom, Agkisacutalin, which is a powerful anticoagulant and useful for preventing heart attacks and strokes, and when separated from that whole “insanely powerful poison that can kill you within five steps” thing, has few side effects. It’s just that to get it, you have to milk pit vipers. Even the Chinese view this as unreasonable, and Chinese worker safety laws mostly boil down to, “Don’t get caught by a Western journalist.” Besides, put that on your resume and you’ll never get a job doing anything else.

There are some issues. Unsurprisingly, the yeast do not take to producing snake venom very well and tend to die after 38 hours of production. But they’re working to scale it up for mass production, and long-term, this could be key in reducing the severity and even preventing strokes and cardiac events. It is also incredibly metal, and that, as we know, is the most important standard when measuring scientific achievement.

(via PopSci)

16 Jul 13:23

There’s A Cobra Loose In Austin And NOPE NOPE NOPE

by Jamie Frevele

Burn Austin to the ground.



An 18-year-old from Texas named Grant Thompson is dead after suffering cardiac arrest as a result of a possible snake bite. When first responders answered a distress call that Thompson was in his car with puncture wounds, a menagerie of animals — including tarantulas and other non-poisonous snakes — was also found… except for a monocled cobra. That snake, which is poisonous, was also missing from a cage in Thompson’s home, which has led investigators to believe that the deadly snake is now on the loose in the Austin area.

Now, an autopsy will have to be conducted to conclude that Thompson’s death was caused by the snake bite, so that is not his official cause of death as of this writing. But it is very suspicious, and police are warning people who come across any snake to just “turn around and walk away.” Do not engage the snake. I repeat: do not engage the motherf*cking snake. But if you see a snake resembling the one above, with the eyeball-looking thing on its back, local reporter Adela Uchida has a phone number you can call:

Austin PD asking for info abt a missing monocled cobra. Call 512-964-5210 if you know something. Call 911 if you see it. DO NOT APPROACH.

— Adela Uchida (@adelauchida) July 16, 2015

Remember: it’s a monocled cobra. Living in Texas. Might be wearing a monocle, might be wearing cowboy boots, will definitely bite and kill you until you’re dead.

Stay safe, Austin.

Source: KXAN

15 Jul 21:39

Could a Catastrophic Earthquake Really Destroy Seattle?

by Eric Holthaus

Seattle?! Wasn't California supposed to fall into the ocean? As retributive justice for its wicked and permissive ways? Haven't the people of Washington STATE suffered enough?

The last earthquake of roughly magnitude 9 in the Pacific Northwest happened 75 years before the United States existed. One day, possibly in the not-too-distant future, the Earth’s crust will again convulse in a megaquake. What will happen then will dwarf any natural disaster our country has ever experienced.

15 Jul 14:40

Dallas has patched 32,345 potholes so far this fiscal year, and it's only going to get worse

by Robert Wilonsky

How is it possible that there's that much road in Dallas?

On Sunday we intercepted Troy Aikman’s tweet about Dallas’ pothole problem, which came complete with the hashtag: #PotholesEverywhere. To which Preston Hollow’s council member, Jennifer Staubach Gates, responded: “yes I agree our streets need repairs so please move to Dallas so your property taxes can help us repair those potholes.” No response yet from Tony Romo. Or Quincy Carter.

But the city’s interim assistant director of the Department of Street Services did respond to our request for some crucial information:

“As of June 30th the Department of Street Services has repaired approximately 32,345 potholes,” says Raymond Lee via email. “This is a 35 percent increase in pothole repairs compared to this time period last fiscal year (FY13/14 vs. FY14/15). The department will continue to monitor service request and adjust maintenance as necessary to ensure we are as responsive as possible.”

Well, the city auditor says potholes are being repaired promptly. So, clearly, that’s not the problem.

“The root of the problem isn’t the potholes,” says Gates, chair of the council’s Budget, Finance and Audit Committee. “It’s the condition of the streets. It’s the degraded streets. Simple potholes are easily fixed. But there are so many of those. The real problem is the rapidly degrading streets. That’s why the potholes keep happening. Unless we start maintaining our streets at an adequate level, we’ll never catch up.” … [visit site to read more]

15 Jul 13:45

The Robert E. Lee statue in Oak Lawn's Lee Park was spray-painted with 'SHAME'

by Robert Wilonsky

They're investigating this! Why?

Tino Banda of the City of Dallas Park and Recreation Department uses a power washer to remove the spray-painted word "Shame" off a confederate statue Friday morning at Robert E. Lee Park in Dallas. (G.J. McCarthy/Staff photographer)

Tino Banda of the City of Dallas Park and Recreation Department uses a power washer to remove the spray-painted word “Shame” off a confederate statue Friday morning at Robert E. Lee Park in Dallas. (G.J. McCarthy/Staff photographer)

[Editor’s note: This item has been updated since it was initially posted.]

Overnight someone vandalized the statue of Robert E. Lee in Oak Lawn’s Lee Park, where two weeks ago a small group of protesters gathered to hold an “un-dedication.”

Park and Recreation Department workers are out there at this very moment trying to vanish the word “SHAME” spray-painted on the monument. The city controls the park; the Lee Park & Arlington Hall Conservancy maintains it.

In a statement released Friday morning, the conservancy says, “This criminal act creates alarm not dialogue, and the entire community is a victim because this park is a peaceful urban oasis. We have begun the repairs and are installing additional security measures immediately.”

Dallas police say they received two calls about the vandalism this morning — around the time South Carolina removed the Confederate flag from its statehouse. The Lee Park vandalism is currently being assigned to an investigator.

Just two weeks ago the conservancy said it supports “open dialogue, peaceful debate and level-headed reflection on this issue and others like it. Many people across the country are engaged in these discussions, and we believe it’s a healthy debate to have, even if it’s difficult.”

The Lee statue is just one of many Confederate symbols spread across Dallas — but, perhaps, the most high-profile of them all.

Revathi Satyu, who has lived in Oak Lawn for 10 years, said the statue should stay put, even as other states scrub symbols of the Confederacy from public places. “I’ve been wondering what was going to happen to the park,” she said. “It’s been here for so long, it’s part of our history.”

Updates to come.

Staff writer Paulina Pineda contributed to this item. … [visit site to read more]

10 Jul 14:48

Scientists Discover Mutant Sharks Living In A Volcano Lair At The Bottom Of The Pacific Ocean

by Mike Bertha


Kavachi is a “highly active” underwater volcano off the coast of New Guinea, and — just in time for Shark Week — scientists have discovered that it’s full of live sharks.

The National Geographic Society/Waitt Grants Program’s Brennan Phillips and his expedition team captured film from inside Kavachi. According to National Geographic, Phillips and Co. felt safe exploring the depths of the ocean because they couldn’t hear it rumbling. Really:

“But one of the ways you can tell that Kavachi is erupting is that you can actually hear it—both on the surface and underwater. Anywhere within 10 miles even, you can hear it rumbling in your ears and in your body.” No one heard rumbling, so they prepared to go right to the rim of the crater.

Basically, they were performing a live reenactment of a yet-to-be-made crossover between Pacific Rim and Sharknado, but in the name of actual science. They discovered that Kavachi was full of rays, jellyfish and sharks.

And — as if sharks using a deep-sea volcano as their secret lair wasn’t terrifying enough — Phillips posits that these aren’t normal sharks:

“These large animals are living in what you have to assume is much hotter and much more acidic water, and they’re just hanging out,” Phillips says. “It makes you question what type of extreme environment these animals are adapted to. What sort of changes have they undergone? Are there only certain animals that can withstand it? It is so black and white when you see a human being not able to get anywhere near where these sharks are able to go.”

Great. Super sharks in an underwater volcano lair. That’s cool. Everything’s fine. Totally going to be able to sleep tonight.

/Cancels snorkeling expedition to New Guinea 

/Googles “nightlight delivery service”

(Via io9 and National Geographic)

08 Jul 13:43

‘Uptown Funk Newsies’ Is A Straight-Up Daymaker

by ludditeandroid

This is how my morning should be IRL

Only two months ago, Beyoncé was teaching us how life is like a hurricane here in Duckburg. Now, another mashup is bringing back fond ’90s memories about shows we watched every time TBS aired them. (So, once a week, probably?) The year was 1992, and Christian Bale was about to leave child stardom behind to be an even bigger star as an adult, and Disney’s Newsies seemed to be the launching pad. I suppose there were other people in the movie, too, but come on. We weren’t watching Newsies to learn about union movements in 1899.

To that end, when we spotted this jaunty mashup on Tumblr we had to check if it was on YouTube, and it is. Now is a time to seize the day. Don’t believe me? Just watch.

07 Jul 13:06

Introducing the Pseudopenis, or Why Female Hyenas Are Feminist as Fuck

by Kaitlyn Tierney

Shared for obvious reasons

Penis means power. The dominance of dicks and those who have them isn’t a coincidence, or the unavoidable consequence of Big Patriarchy keeping women down—rather, it’s a case of simple biology. In most mammalian embryos, the genital tubercle forms very early, later developing into either a penis or a clitoris, subject to a complex cocktail of influential hormones. Androgens like testosterone stimulate penile growth and are also associated with aggression, so the relationship between actual dicks (penises) and figurative dicks (aggressive jerks) is axiomatic. But amazingly, in the case of female-dominant spotted hyena societies, those boss bitches have actually evolved a sort of penis of their own.


07 Jul 13:03

GPS tracker links Dallas janitor to nearly $3,000 of stolen shrimp, beef

by Naomi Martin

Shared for trunk full of shrimp

Raw Shrimp at Sea Breeze Fish Market and Grill in Plano June 7, 2013. (Nathan Hunsinger/The Dallas Morning News)  Raw Shrimp at Sea Breeze Fish Market and Grill in Plano June 7, 2013. (Nathan … [visit site to read more]

07 Jul 13:00

England Football Association’s Twitter Puts Foot in Mouth With Condescending Tweet - It's just... why?

by Jessica Lachenal

England! WTF!

england tweet

Just in case you weren’t keeping up with the Women’s World Cup, here’s a tiny bit of background. England finished in third behind second place Japan and first place (woo!) USA. When the England/Japan game was over, the England Football Association’s official Twitter account shared the fairly condescending (now deleted) tweet above.

Okay, not cool. We can totally see where you were going, @england! It’s just… why? These women were already so much more than simply mothers, partners, and daughters. “Thanks, Lionesses, now go back to being moms, partners, and daughters, and oh yeah, heroes too I guess.”

Just in case you weren’t miffed enough, check out this handy dandy graphic showing some staggering pay gap action on the US side. The US Men’s team were paid four times more than the Women’s team when they lost the World Cup in the first round.

If you weren’t angry enough. Here’s this:

— Melissa Silverstein (@melsil) July 6, 2015


(via The Daily Dot)

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