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24 Dec 14:30

McDonald’s Urges Employees To Avoid Eating At McDonald’s

by Ryan Perry

mcdonalds

McDonald’s continues to dispense helpful life advice through its employee resource website. The latest tip for its workers: That fast food you’re paid to prepare is terrible, and you should avoid eating it.

A direct quote from McResource Line, originally pulled by CNBC:

“Fast foods are quick, reasonably priced, and readily available alternatives to home cooking. While convenient and economical for a busy lifestyle, fast foods are typically high in calories, fat, saturated fat, sugar, and salt and may put people at risk for becoming overweight.”

More damning is the imagery used by the resource website, including the “Eat This, Not That!”-style side-by-side comparison below, which features a trio of items labeled “Unhealthy choice” that look almost identical to a McDonald’s value meal, down to the red labels:

unhealthy500

This baffling hypocrisy is, by far, the tastiest thing McDonald’s has ever served up. More from CNBC:

A separate post writes, “it is hard to eat a healthy diet when you eat at fast-food restaurants often,” adding that large portions make it easy to overeat.

The site also advises people to limit how many fries they eat.

“In general, people with high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease must be very careful about choosing fast food because of its high fat, salt, and sugar levels,” the post said, adding that items from fast-food places are “almost always high” in calories, fat, sugar and salt.

This content is almost certainly provided by a third party, as a reverse image search for the graphic above brings up identical imagery hosted on several unrelated domains.

Regardless, McDonald’s would be wise to start proofreading the advice it gives to its workers, as this is just the latest in a long line of tone-deaf and embarrassing tips published on the company’s employee website. Previously, McResource Line has advised employees to tip their nannies and other luxury personnel, return holiday gifts to get out of debt, and maybe think about getting a second job.

[H/T CNBC; Image from McDonald's McResource Line, via Business Insider.]

23 Dec 02:53

Stop Telling My Pretend Grandma Ruth Bader Ginsburg to Retire

by paranoid_shiksa_feminista on Groupthink, shared by Rebecca "Burt" Rose to Jezebel

Stop Telling My Pretend Grandma Ruth Bader Ginsburg to Retire

Emily Bazelon at Slate writes an excellent article about how it's just counterproductive (not to mention a smidge sexist).

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23 Dec 02:50

Thinking through state-level regulation of automatic license plate readers

by Gritsforbreakfast
Since Lt. Governor David Dewhurst ordered the Texas Senate State Affairs Committee to research possible privacy-protecting legislation regarding geolocation data, among other electronic privacy topics, I was pleased recently to notice a law review article by Stephen Rushin of the Illinois College of Law titled "The Legislative Response to Mass Police Surveillance." He proposes model legislation for regulating what he calls "digitally efficient investigative technologies," especially Automatic License Plate Readers (ALPR) and surveillance cameras, the latter particularly when they're connected to facial recognition technology that allows police to individually identify people en masse.

To me, his paper is most useful for its analysis of license plate reader regulation. While surveillance cameras are used by many departments, very few (and none I know of in Texas) have them connected with facial recognition software, though one supposes that could be coming. According to a Denver Post article he cited, "[t]hirty-seven states currently load driver's license photographs into state databases, which are searchable using facial recognition software." For now, though, Grits thinks fusing the two issues would unnecessarily muddy the waters. As a legislative matter, I'd rather see the topics confronted separately.

The breathtaking efficiency of license plate readers (which can scan and cross-reference up to 1,800 plates per second) means they're already in a position to be abused in ways that aren't yet broadly true of facial-recognition equipped surveillance cameras. ALPR technology is already quite widespread. A 2009 survey conducted by the International Association of Police Chiefs found that 66% of agencies larger than 501 officers and 80% of agencies larger than 1,001 officers utilize ALPR technology, and 85% of chief at all agencies "plan to acquire more ALPR devices or increase use in the future."

Rushin describes in some detail how and why 20th century Fourth Amendment jurisprudence is ill-equipped to address highly efficient surveillance in public, arguments that are especially on point as they relate to present-day use of ALPR. Courts have long assumed citizens have no reasonable expectation of privacy regarding any activity occurring in public, but those norms were influenced in the past by the fact of limited police resources. Yes, police can theoretically tail a suspect anywhere, but limited resources mean they can't do it forever. OTOH, public surveillance based on location data from license plate readers (or as the NSA scandal demonstrated, cell phones) removes resource limits and makes mass surveillance not just possible but relatively inexpensive. Moreover, noted Rushin, "because the digitally efficient investigative state monitors the entire community, it collects information on illegal activity as well as innocuous behavior," meaning "it will invariably gather enormous amounts of data on innocent people."

While about half of departments retain license-plate reader information for six months for less, 28% of agencies either have no retention limits or by policy retain the information indefinitely. Given that it's possible to identify individuals using a very small number of location data points, this information over time becomes increasingly invasive to everyone's personal privacy. Such expansive powers breed potential for abuse. Wrote Rushin:
Psychological and historical evidence suggests that the availability of pervasive surveillance tools may facilitate law enforcement corruption. With the unregulated ability to monitor an entire community, law enforcement may be incentivized to conduct fishing expeditions that "exacerbate racism, stereotyping, or profiling."  This elevates the risk of false positives and harms citizens' perceptions of procedural fairness. Thus, while the digitally efficient investigative state may be an important development for crime prevention, it also raises numerous privacy concerns.
The article outlines model state-level legislation to regulate these technologies and, while I don't agree with all of his choices, Rushin's discussion provides a useful framework for analyzing the decisions that must be made when implementing state-level regulation.

His model statute differentiates between "observational comparison" and "indiscriminate data collection." The former he defines as "the retention of locational or identifying information after an instantaneous cross-reference with a law enforcement database reveals reasonable suspicion of criminal wrongdoing." The latter involves retention of such data "without any suspicion of criminal wrongdoing" and is the type he suggests should be the focus of the bulk of state regulation.

Among states, Maine, Arkansas, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Utah have regulated ALPR tech through legislative measures. In New Jersey the Attorney General used constitutional authority to hand down directives regulating use of ALPR and limiting data collection, while Virginia has "passed relatively broad laws that regulate the retention of data by the government in all forms." New York has suggested model guidelines on the topic that are not prescriptive. Between them, these states provide examples of the various forms ALPR regulation might take.

All state legislatures regulating this tech put some restriction on data retention. Maine is the most restrictive, limiting retention to 21 days unless it specifically relates to a criminal investigation, while Vermont allows retention up to 18 months. (Rushin's model policy suggests one year, but given that half of departments surveyed have policies maxing out retention at six months or less, to me that seems too long.) New Jersey's Attorney General rules allow for retention for up to five years, which seems flat-out excessive.

Several states, like New Jersey, include limits on disclosure of personally identifying information "unless there is a legitimate and documented law enforcement reason for disclosing" it. In general, the longer states allow such data to be retained, the more important that aspect of regulating ALPR tech becomes. My preference would be to retain "indiscriminate" data for a shorter period, as in Maine, but either way there should be a requirement that the data only be used for legitimate investigative purposes.

Some states restrict sharing of ALPR data, though Rushin's model statute would allow it. He suggests limiting sharing to agencies that comply with minimum standards on retention, access, etc.. To me, at a minimum, states also should forbid sharing the data with commercial vendors. (For that matter, there's a gaping hole in his model statute in that it doesn't regulate the collection and sale of data by privately owned ALPRs, like those used by towing companies.)

Rushin also suggested rules limiting who may access ALPR data stored by police, requiring prior authorization as well as maintenance of logs documenting every user and every time they access the information. His model policy would require that stored data only be accessed only for legitimate law enforcement purposes, though IMO his limiting language could be stronger. He also suggests mandatory training in proper procedures for handling and accessing data, as well as discipline for police employees "who fail to follow policy parameters." The New York guidelines sensibly suggest "that departments establish a list of designated personnel who are authorized to access ALPR data."

Enforcement may be the most difficult nut to crack. In New Jersey, the AG can revoke an agency's authority to use ALPR if they don't comply with state rules. Arkansas provides for civil remedies if individuals can show harm, while Utah, New Hampshire and Maine criminalize misuse of ALPR data. Rushin's model statute would give the Attorney General of the state authority to file civil suits over misuse, but that structure wouldn't fit well with the historical role of the AG in Texas. I do like his suggestion that the AG perform and publish the results of regular compliance audits of ALPR use.

During the 83rd Texas Legislature, the Texas Electronic Privacy Coalition, of which your correspondent was a member, proposed two pieces of legislation: Requiring warrants for law enforcement to access cloud-based email and other content, which passed, and requiring warrants for them to access personal location data from cell phones and other electronic devices, which cleared the House by a 126-4 margin but did not make it through the Senate side. There have already been behind-the-scenes discussions among TXEPC members about whether regulating license-plate readers should be the next phase of regulating government tracking of geolocation data. Lt. Gov. Dewhurst's interim charges on electronic privacy gave such suggestions additional, recent momentum.

While I don't agree with every jot and tittle of Rushin's model statute - in particular he'd allow data retention for longer than I'd prefer and his enforcement mechanisms wouldn't be a great fit for Texas - I appreciate the good professor's efforts to think through the fundamental components such legislation might include. His article provides a fine starting point for considering how automatic license plate readers should be regulated at the state level.

See related Grits posts:
17 Dec 23:29

Orange Cat Can't Jump, Will Never Get Into American Ballet Company

by Laura Beck
Alisongrinter

I feel bad for loving this.

This orange cat is not the graceful ballerina he believes itself to be. Watch him prepare, poise, and then completely fail the leap that would have gotten him a job at the Joffrey. Sorry, cat, it's off to the corps with you. Here's a rose for you to wave and a spear for you to carry.

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17 Dec 23:27

This UK High School Is Adding “How To Treat Women” To Its Sex Ed Program

by Ami Angelowicz
This UK High School Is Adding "How To Treat Women" To Its Sex Ed Program

In a first of its kind program, Chase High School in the UK is implementing a “life skills” mentorship program for their students, with the hope of boosting self-confidence, providing positive role models and teaching about sex ed through the lens of how to have healthy relationships. One of the important life skills that will be taught to the boys is how to appropriately talk to and treat a girl.

“Sadly, through such easy access to pornography, the boys’ view of women has been skewed,” explained principal, Victoria Overy “We’re doing parallel programs with the girls about self-perception. Sex education often only deals with how not to get pregnant and violent relationships.We want this scheme to teach pupils details on establishing relationships and how to end them without breaking hearts.”

This seems like a no-brainer type of program to implement. It’s too bad that it’s the first of its kind. More please, ahem, United States. [Metro UK]

17 Dec 23:21

Holiday Ad Features Most Shameless Photoshopping We've Ever Seen

by Erin Gloria Ryan

Photoshopping and airbrushing in advertisements is so ubiquitous that it's expected. But every once in awhile, an ad comes along that is so cartoonishly reliant on, uh, turning a person into a cartoon that it makes the other ads look like Dove commercials. Well, we've found that ad — and it's hilarious. Just watch. Shh- just watch it.

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17 Dec 23:20

Most Popular Photoshop Alternative: GIMP

by Alan Henry

Most Popular Photoshop Alternative: GIMP

Adobe Photoshop is a powerful tool. It's at the top of the market for a reason. It's also pretty pricey, and there are other tools that can get the job done without the cost, or the bloat. Earlier in the week, we asked you for your favorites, then looked at the top five Photoshop alternatives. Now we're back to highlight the winner.

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17 Dec 23:20

A Former NSA Colleague Describes Edward Snowden As A ‘Genius’ Who Kept A Copy Of The Constitution On His Desk

by The Cajun Boy

Edward-Snowden

Well this is interesting: on Sunday night, the NSA, with the help of John Miller and 60 Minutes, attempted to paint Edward Snowden as a weird, shady, intellectually inferior traitor. But today Forbes’s Andy Greenberg interviewed a former NSA colleague of Snowden who paints a vastly different picture of the now-notorious whistleblower, calling Snowden a “genius among geniuses” who carried a Rubik’s cube with him everywhere he went, kept a copy of the Constitution on his desk (so that he could cite it to superiors when he thought the spy agency was overstepping its boundaries) and was exceedingly kind to co-workers. Further, Snowden didn’t dupe anyone into giving him access to the classified document he copied; rather, he had full access to them because he earned it doing his job exceedingly well, better than most who worked at the agency.

Writes Greenberg:

As his coworker tells it, he was given full administrator privileges, with virtually unlimited access to NSA data. “Big mistake in hindsight,” says Snowden’s former colleague. “But if you had a guy who could do things nobody else could, and the only problem was that his badge was green instead of blue, what would you do?”

Snowden’s superiors were so impressed with his skills that he was at one point offered a position on the elite team of NSA hackers known as Tailored Access Operations. He unexpectedly turned it down and instead joined Booz Allen to work at NSA’s Threat Operation Center. Another hint of his whistleblower conscience, aside from the telltale hoodie: Snowden kept a copy of the constitution on his desk to cite when arguing against NSA activities he thought might violate it.

The source tells me Snowden also once nearly lost his job standing up for a coworker who was being disciplined by a superior. Snowden often left small, gifts anonymously at colleagues’ desks.

He frequently walked NSA’s halls carrying a Rubik’s cube–the same object he held to identify himself on a Hong Kong street to the journalists who first met with him to publish his leaks.

Good job, good effort, 60 Minutes. As I mentioned yesterday, there was not a single dissenting voice in the show’s NSA report. They were allowed to say whatever they wanted unchecked, essentially just handing over a press release delivered to them by the agency’s PR department. What a goddamn joke.

Meanwhile, read Greenberg’s full report on his interview with Snowden’s former NSA colleague here.

(Forbes via Boing Boing)

13 Dec 14:31

Geena Davis Solves Hollywood Sexism in Two Easy Steps!

by Lindy West

Geena Davis Solves Hollywood Sexism in Two Easy Steps!

Bad news, sexism! Geena Davis is here to MURDER YOU WITH A BOW AND ARROW. The actress wrote a column for the Hollywood Reporter this week in which she outlined her two-step plan to fix gender inequality in Hollywood. And it's great.

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11 Dec 14:37

Today's Best Tab Is "Invisible Child"

by Jia Tolentino
Alisongrinter

Not a light read.

by Jia Tolentino

The unflinching, prodigious Andrea Elliott New York Times story on child homelessness in NYC is generating a lot of talk already and I bet you've all seen it already, but in case you haven't, here it is. The story is centered on an 11-year-old girl:

Her name, Dasani, speaks of a certain reach. The bottled water had come to Brooklyn’s bodegas just before she was born, catching the fancy of her mother, who could not afford such indulgences. It hinted at a different, upwardly mobile clientele, a set of newcomers who over the next decade would transform the borough.

Dasani’s own neighborhood, Fort Greene, is now one of gentrification’s gems. Her family lives in the Auburn Family Residence, a decrepit city-run shelter for the homeless. It is a place where mold creeps up walls and roaches swarm, where feces and vomit plug communal toilets, where sexual predators have roamed and small children stand guard for their single mothers outside filthy showers.

It is no place for children. Yet Dasani is among 280 children at the shelter. Beyond its walls, she belongs to a vast and invisible tribe of more than 22,000 homeless children in New York, the highest number since the Great Depression, in the most unequal metropolis in America.

It's a long one (five parts; it might eat the remainder of your workday), but it's the length and the level of detail and nuance in the reporting that do justice for the dizzying subject. [NYTimes]

7 Comments
09 Dec 22:40

Juggalos Against Illuminati Leadership Is The ‘Peeing Calvin’ Of Insane Facebook Pages

by Josh Kurp

stewie-650x445

It’s the classic chicken or the egg conundrum: which came first, the acronym J.A.I.L. or the name Juggalos Against Illuminati Leadership? Frankly, it doesn’t matter, because either way, every blurry anti-government/pro-Stewie Griffin clown makeup photo online gets funneled into the Facebook page for Juggalos Against Illuminati Leadership (I’m going to write out the full name every time), and it’s all great. WOOP WOOP (impeach Obama) WOOP WOOP.

Juggalos standing up to protect the rights of the people and raise awareness of the corruption within our government!!!! … We will be doing family events to raise awareness, staging protest, calling meetings, etc. Jugaalos stand for what is right. We are looking for individuals or groups to organize and join the J.A.I.L. movement by planning events, staging protest, sharing links, printing or handing out fliers, and/or simply raising general awareness in your area…(Via)

It’s like the Internet’s Greatest Hits: Guy Fawkes masks, Illuminati ramblings, Juggalo makeup. It’s one reference to “No Hope, No Cash, No Jobs” away from being my homepage. But these are all my new tattoos.

1453364_541705435913100_1698117660_n

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(Via Juggalos Against Illuminati Leadership)

09 Dec 21:12

Baby Goat Push Ups Are the Best Push Ups

by Laura Beck

I'm falling in love with everyone in this video. Help.

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09 Dec 21:04

How to Throw a Georgian-Era Christmas Party

by Jessica Pan
Alisongrinter

Perfect theme.

by Jessica Pan

Georgian era (1714-1830) English Christmas begins early. Inspired by Sarah Beeny’s A Very British Christmas program, this list will make sure your hair is properly coiffed, your guests are satiated and your knickers aren’t in a wad.

1. Procure a stately home. This one looks nice.

2. Employ at least 15 servants so everything runs smoothly.

3. Gift-giving officially began on December 6. Some good options: money, apples, eggs or a castrated cockerel.

4. Put the children to bed—they aren't invited or even included in the festivities for a few more decades. This is good, as things will get a bit racy.

5. If your party falls on Christmas Eve, find a yule log, drag it home and burn it for 12 days. Don’t let a bare-footed woman or a flat-footed visitor near it, though. That’s bad luck.

6. Feasting takes place every day, so wear your most comfortable gown. Luckily, high waistlines with loose skirts are en vogue, so you won’t have to suck in at all. Some women choose to wear corsets in this era, but this is not advised as it will severely impair your figgy pudding consumption.

7. Don’t be afraid to bare your bosom. Hiking them up and showing them off is encouraged. But don't bare so much bosom that you “excite much displeasure or disgust.”

8. Don long white gloves and a choker. Perfect accessories to your burgeoning bosom.

9. Wear a wig or pile your hair on top of your head as high as possible. If you have thin hair, use some horse hair to fluff it up.

10. Have your staff prepare up to 20 dishes.

11. Some of the dishes are disgusting. Don’t fret if you’ve chosen to wear the corset—you won’t want to eat them all.

12. For one delicacy, you must boil a pig’s head for 5-6 hours until the flesh is melted and then mold it into a fatty cake-y paste.

13. You’ll also need a cod’s head and asparagus soup.

14. Adjust the horse hair on your head.

15. Prepare mince pies with actual meat mixed with sweet fruit. Tell guests it’s the caviar of its day when they try to discreetly spit out the mutton.

16. The average Brit eats 27 mince pies each holiday season, so be sure to make enough for everyone to have 27ths.

17. Turkey isn’t very common yet, so serve a traditional Christmas pie with different types of poultry. Chicken, pheasants and pigeons are fashionable choices.

18. The punch bowl is known as a Wassail Bowl, filled with “the richest and raciest of wines.” Interpret that as you please.

19. For entertainment, play a game of snapdragon. Guests must try to pull raisins out of a flaming bowl of brandy. Be sure to have the ladies remove their gloves.

20. How's that horse hair doing?

21. The Christmas pudding is a staple. It’s made of eggs, suet, plums, flour and breadcrumbs. Let it stand for 12 hours before boiling it for eight. Then boil it for two hours right before serving. Mmmm.

22. Hide a pea and a bean in the cake: whoever finds them in their slice is allowed to reign as King or Queen for the day, servants included. If only they played this in the Post-Edwardian era! Just imagine Mosley from Downton Abbey telling Lord Grantham to lick his boots, or Daisy ordering around Lady Grantham. Hilarious. More Wassail punch, please!

23. Don’t put up a tree. This is not a thing yet. What are you, German? No. You're not. You’re an English lady in the Georgian era.

24. End the night with blind man’s bluff, which is blind-folded tag. Watch out for your bosoms, your tall hair, and the burning log. This could lead to a fatal disaster.

25. Kissing under the mistletoe is all the rage during this period, so expect to make out with a few Georgian gentlemen.

26. But that’s where this party ends. If you’re a single lady, then you’re a Georgian-era virgin. Have sex before marriage and you’ll be ostracized—the ultimate party killer.

25. Comfort yourself with more Wassail punch. Pat your towering hair and glance down at your elevated bosoms. Who needs men? Not you. You’re a Georgian lady. The kind who eats pig head pâté and has her own horse hair. A real lady.

27. Slide into bed. Take off the goddamn wig. Put on your skullcap to stay warm. Congratulate yourself on your epic Christmas party.

28. The next morning, nurse your hangover by sucking on a sugar cube with clove oil and chewing on a sprig of parsley. Feel better? Good, because the holiday party season lasts for a month. You have 26 more mince pies to eat.

 

Previously: A Day Among the Millinery at Royal Ascot

Jessica Pan is a lady who lives in 21st century London. She and her friend Rachel wrote an epistolary memoir about their post-college years living in Beijing and Paris. Graduates in Wonderland is available now for pre-order. It’s out in May 2014 (Gotham).

13 Comments
04 Dec 13:12

Jay-Z's Best Productivity Tricks

by Thorin Klosowski

Jay-Z's Best Productivity Tricks

Jay-Z has sold about 50 million records, received 17 Grammy's, has a net worth of about $500 million, and still manages to produce several songs and albums every year. In honor of Jay-Z's birthday, we decided to take a look at some of the ways he's managed to be insanely productive over the years.

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19 Nov 00:25

James Bernthal, Five-Year-Old Realtor by Ben Joseph

Hi. I’m James. It’s very nice to meet you. Thanks for coming to check out the property. Sorry my hand’s so sticky; I really have no idea why. Care for a juice box?

I simply love the open floor plan. It gives the house a nice flow if you’re entertaining or pretending to be an airplane. Go on, try it, I’ll wait. Make sure you do mouth noises or you aren’t actually flying. I’d like to see you try that in an apartment.

See these cabinets? Real mahogany. You can use them for extra storage or hiding during games if you can fit. I can fit. See? Now close your eyes and pretend to find me.

Sorry to have you stand on cushions in here. A less honest realtor wouldn’t tell you this, but the floor in this room occasionally turns into lava. We’re going to hop over to the couch now. There we go. Sure, it’s a little hard to get around, but you never have to turn on the heat in the winter. It’s not a bug, it’s a feature, right? Ha-ha.

Also, here’s a bug I caught. Don’t worry, the house is completely pest-free, Harold just likes to visit sometimes. If you buy this house, you do have to promise not to squish Harold. Good, glad that’s not a problem, I knew you seemed like nice folks. But, just in case, would you be willing to pinky swear on it?

Twelve-foot ceilings in the bedroom. Such a find, right? If there was a bed in here I could bounce that high, but Mom told me not to so that’s the only reason I’m not doing it. I totally could, though.

The chimney is red brick, original construction, and the flue still opens so you can have a fire, and your father doesn’t have to let Santa in through the back door. That’s how he gets into houses without chimneys, FYI. I know, I was worried too.

Count my fingers. I’ve been in the business this many years. You’re not going to find a better deal in a school district this good. Mrs. Sundin plays movies during naps. And Mrs. Oakes? Always keeps Starbursts on her desk. With an education like that, the Ivies will be coming to you.

Here’s the kitchen, recently remodeled. Those upper cabinets are all brand new. I wouldn’t recommend using them, though, unless you’re storing canned vegetables or boring cereals. Don’t put dessert foods or Lucky Charms way up there. That would just be cruel.

This is the basement. You probably won’t spend much time down here unless you finish it or get rid of the monsters. Just kidding. Monsters aren’t real. Right? Let’s keep moving.

So that’s the place. I hope it fits your needs. I know the asking price is at the top of your range, but I can probably talk the owners down to $100. Who wouldn’t sell something for $100?

15 Nov 17:03

Ask a Mortician: I Want a Viking Funeral, Is That Legal?

by Dodai Stewart
Alisongrinter

LOVE HER!! Also, stay tuned for the scene after the credits.

Caitlin Doughty, our favorite mortician, weighs in on Viking funerals. You might like boats, and you might like fire, and you might want your corpse to set sail in a boat that's on fire, but apparently, if you do so, you will be breaking a bunch of laws.

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15 Nov 00:04

Forget About the Revolution, the US is Getting Harry Potter Stamps, We Do What We Want

by Susana Polo
Alisongrinter

Perfect for letter writing week!

The twenty different stamps will be available in post offices on Tuesday. They are not, I’m assuming, accepted by Owl Post.

(via Nerd Approved.)

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14 Nov 20:09

Smart Texas High Schoolers Lambast Dickhead Lecturer on Twitter

by Callie Beusman
Alisongrinter

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. I mean, this is the kind of shit that was shown to me in HS, but NOW? And in Richardson?

Smart Texas High Schoolers Lambast Dickhead Lecturer on Twitter

Yesterday, Richardson High School — which is a non-denominational public school outside of Dallas — brought in a raving misogynistic Christian dating coach to give a lecture to its students. His basic thesis: God says that women should shut up if they want boyfriends.

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14 Nov 20:05

Let’s Check In With The People Who Think ‘Boy Meets World’ Was Illuminati Propaganda, Shall We?

by Danger Guerrero
Alisongrinter

Seems right.

boy-meets-world

Things have been a little quiet on the “Boy Meets World was Illuminati propaganda and here’s iron-clad proof featuring screenshots from the show and rambling explanations” front lately. So quiet, in fact, that I had forgotten all about it until today, when we received an email in the UPROXX tips box informing us that the Tumblr had been updated. The emailer also alerted us to the existence of a Pretty Little Liars Illuminati Tumblr, which he made the case for thusly:

This blog was updated on Monday November 11, 2013 and there’s some good evidence. The blog even talks about Shay Mitchell in a relationship with Drake’s close cousin Ryan Silverstein and this was reported by Wetpaint.

So maybe Drake must know about this Satan worshipping and Illuminati symbolism.

Shay Mitchell, Ryan Silverstein, and Drake are from Toronto so they probably talk about secret things. Who knows what Shay Mitchell, Ryan Silverstein, and Drake talk about.

I’ll be honest. That last paragraph is swaying me a little. I mean, who DOES know what Shay Mitchell, Ryan Silverstein, and Drake talk about? Not me, that’s for sure.

Anyway, I went over to the Boy Meets World Illuminati Tumblr — the blog “dedicated to exposing the Illuminati, Freemason, and Occult Symbolism from Boy Meets World and Girl Meets World” — to see what’s shaking. Here’s what I found out.

- Danielle Fishel inserted an Illuminati message into a humorous dating video for PopSugar. She displayed a padlock with a picture of a torch on the front of it, and, the post explains, with references to Lucifer, the Olympics, and the Statue of Liberty, the torch is a known Illuminati symbol.

- Rider Strong outed himself as an Illuminati Puppet in a web video for Girl Meets World.

After Ben Savage gave the wrong answer Rider Strong quickly tapped him using the Witch Hand Sign (also called the Moon Hand Sign).

This hand sign was done at “1:06” in the video.

When a person has to tap someone or touch someone they don’t use their pinky finger and form a Witch Hand Sign/Moon Hand Sign to get someone’s attention to initiate a conversation.

It’s not considered natural movement.

THAT HAND SIGN WAS DONE ON PURPOSE AND WAS NOT DONE AS AN ACCIDENT!

- Girl Meets World is also Illuminati propaganda, which you can tell because of an advertisement on the wall of a subway car in one of the promo images which shows a picture of a woman’s left eye.

IT MUST BE ANOTHER COINCIDENCE!

OUT OF MILLIONS OF PICTURES TO PUT ON A SUBWAY THEY JUST HAD TO PUT A FEMALE MODEL DOING THE ALL-SEEING EYE SIGN.

So there’s your update. I’m still not 100% sure if this is all legit or just the greatest, most thoroughly researched satire I have ever seen, but either way, it is definitely something.

08 Nov 14:59

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30 Oct 23:43

This Before-And-After Photoshop Time Lapse Video Will Have You Questioning Everything

by Josh Kurp
Alisongrinter

I love these

photoshop timelapse

Nothing is real, everything is fake, and everyone’s hideous until they’re Photoshopped. That’s at least the message I got from the video below, which documents how Photoshop can turn us ugly people, with our normal faces, normal boobs, and normal abs, into terrifyingly smooth pretty people, free of the savages of time.

How can Photoshop be both the best and the absolute worst?

26 Oct 21:02

‘Game Of Thrones’ Characters Get The ‘Mean Girls’ Treatment In This Surprisingly Perfect GIF Wall

by Kris Maske

gameofthronesmeangirls-9gameofthronesmeangirls-8gameofthronesmeangirls-7

gameofthronesmeangirls-6gameofthronesmeangirls-5gameofthronesmeangirls-4

gameofthronesmeangirls-3gameofthronesmeangirls-2gameofthronesmeangirls-1

There’s not much to add here. It’s Saturday, Joffrey is on an all-carb diet, I enjoyed this a little too much, etc. Game of Thrones arguably mashes up with all things pop culture better than anything else ever, but still this is pretty great.

Bravo to this GOT-themed Tumblr for so meticulously making these happen.

23 Oct 16:24

Look at This Adorable Baby Squirrel and Squee Your Head Off

by Madeleine Davies

Look at This Adorable Baby Squirrel and Squee Your Head Off

Meet Rob! He's a tiny baby palm squirrel that filmmaker Paul Williams found sick and orphaned while he was filming in Sri Lanka. Williams nursed the small squirrel back to health and now Rob travels around with him and his film crew. Sometimes Rob scurries around, but mostly he just snoozes.

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23 Oct 16:24

Watch a Penis Shrink and Fade in Finland's Anti-Smoking Campaign

by Dodai Stewart

Watch a Penis Shrink and Fade in Finland's Anti-Smoking Campaign

The Cancer society of Finland has devised a fun slash sick way of showing the effects smoking has on the human body, using flaxen-haired models and a photo slider for "before" and "after" examples.

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23 Oct 16:06

Six Year Old Girls on Their Own Skate Team Are Cooler Than You

by Susana Polo

Relz Murphy, Sierra Kerr and Bella Kenworthy are skating up a storm as the Pink Helmet Posse, and don’t ever tell them that girls can’t skate. The girls even have a website with skating tutorials, and their own line of boards for girls. Kerr and Kenworthy are the kids of skating professionals, while Murphy was enrolled with her siblings in skateboarding school by her parents.

“Watching your 6-year-old daughter hit tile in a 13-foot bowl, that is pretty cool,” says her dad, “but watching her confidence grow—not just with skating, but in life—that’s even better. If that’s all she ever gets out of skating then we’ve succeeded.”

(via The Daily Mail.)

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23 Oct 15:54

Pixelmator 3.0 Is a Seriously Good Replacement for Photoshop

by Adam Dachis

Pixelmator 3.0 Is a Seriously Good Replacement for Photoshop

OS X: Most Mac users know that Pixelmator is pretty much the best Photoshop alternative you can get. At least than $30, you'd pay more to use Photoshop for a month. That said, Pixelmator always lacked a few flagship features of Adobe's behemoth—at least, until now.

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23 Oct 15:50

Once Again, Paralympian Josh Sundquist Is Better Than Everyone At Halloween

by Ashley Burns
Alisongrinter

Flamingo FTW

Josh Sundquist 2013 Costume

We last checked in with Paralympic skier Josh Sundquist on Halloween last year, as his annual tradition of being the best at coming up with Halloween costumes went viral, as the kids say, with his incredible lamp costume from A Christmas Story. Sundquist was diagnosed with bone cancer, underwent chemotherapy and lost his leg when he was just 9-years old, but he eventually went on to become the only athlete in history to be named to both the Paralympic Ski Team and the US Amputee Soccer Team, if I can plagiarize myself.

This year’s costume? He’s a flamingo, as you can see above, and I’m not kidding when I say that I feel like a complete jackass for thinking Duffman would be a hilarious costume this year. Then again, I don’t know why any of us even bother when Sundquist is so much better at it.

A christmas story

Sundquist Halloween

(H/T to Larry Brown Sports)

23 Oct 15:46

List: Places in the UK or High-Minded British Insults? by Andrea Duty

1. Loose Bottom
2. Arsemonger
3. Sandy Balls
4. Flesh Shank
5. Booby Dingle
6. Twat
7. Hen Poo
8. Mingebag
9. Pisser Claugh
10. Penistone
11. Dancing Dicks
12. Shitterton
13. Lickfold
14. Bladdered

- -

Village Names: 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13
British Insults: 2, 8, 14
Both: 6

21 Oct 14:38

Things Reign Taught Me About Mary Queen of Scots

by Madeleine Davies
Alisongrinter

Yes please to watching this.

Things Reign Taught Me About Mary Queen of Scots

Last night, the CW premiered Reign, which — originally titled Gossip Girl: Old Timey France — follows a teenage Mary Queen of Scots as she is moved from a quiet convent in the country and thrown into the sexy and devious world of 16th century French court.

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21 Oct 14:38

Yet Another Catholic School Forces Teacher to Quit for Being Gay

by Kate Dries
Alisongrinter

Shared for name of school.

Yet Another Catholic School Forces Teacher to Quit for Being Gay

Whether it's the Affordable Care Act or dealing with gay teachers, Catholic institutions have trouble going against the Pope. The latest one to claim, "It's not us; it's that big guy up there" is Mount St. Mary Academy in Little Rock, Arkansas. The principal there, Diane Wolfe, did a cool thing this week and fired a teacher who had worked at the high school for 15 years for daring to get gay married her longtime partner.

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