"Foreign Office issues travel warning for Oval Office"
Berlin (dpo) - Das Auswärtige Amt hat heute eine Reisewarnung für das Oval Office des Weißen Hauses in Washington ausgesprochen. In den letzen Wochen sind dort immer wieder nichtsahnende Besucher aus anderen Ländern in Hinterhalte geraten.
THE PENTAGON — Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth has released a new set of sweeping policies intended to “de-gay” the military, sources confirmed today. In response to pushback about early, unexplained changes since taking over at the Pentagon, Hegseth included his rationale for each policy in a written memo, which was subsequently leaked to Duffel Blog…
Washington (dpo) - Jetzt schlägt die US-Regierung zurück: Nachdem sich der neue Papst Leo XIV. als scharfer Kritiker der Trump-Administration herausgestellt hat, hat der US-Präsident nun den Wrestler Hulk Hogan zum Gegenpapst ernannt.
Here at The Hard Times, a lot of us fancy ourselves to be sort of armchair history buffs. As we’re fond of saying around the office, “There’s nothing illegal about being an armchair history buff.” We’re always just saying that around here.
Say, how about today we take a little break from the norm and just do a little good ol’ fashioned history buffing. Let’s see, what should we focus on today, lots of options, literally everything that has ever happened, top of my head… how about the death of fascist dictator Benito Mussolini and the subsequent brutal desecration of his corpse by the Italian people? Seems as good a topic as any, let’s dive in! Again, for no particular reason.
For those of you who didn’t grow up before The History Channel was all Ancient Aliens, Benito Mussolini is considered to be the founder of fascism, and largely responsible for its spread throughout the world during the interwar period. He was the Prime Minister of Italy who, through the installation of loyalists in key positions, radical secret policing, and wild interpretation/manipulation of the law, became the country’s dictator. Sound familiar? Well, we don’t know why, we’re just talking history here, people! Anyway, let’s skip ahead to the good stuff:
Somebody fucking kills him
Towards the end of World War II, as Allied troops advanced on Northern Italy, Mussolini’s bitch-ass tried fleeing to Spain but got his ass unalived along the way. Initially, it was believed that communist partisan Walter Audisio executed him, but this has been refuted over the years, and to this day, there are more theories on exactly who took Duce out than there are about the Kennedy assassination.
I guess the takeaway is, when you’re an authoritarian strongman leader more concerned with staying in power than the welfare of your countrymen, a lot of people want you dead, man. A lot of fucking people just want you fucking dead.
The body of Mussolini is placed in a town square
In order to understand the decision to just dump Mussolini’s corpse in the Piazzale Loreto and its significance, we first have to understand the symbolism of that body.
Mussolini’s physical body was central to much of Italy’s fascist propaganda. A lot of it featured photos and illustrations of him shirtless, engaged in challenging labor. They didn’t have NFTs back then, but if they did, he probably would have released one depicting himself as a buff superhero; the dude was that vain and petty.
Anyway, given the significance of Mussolini’s body as a symbol of authoritarianism, it seemed only fitting that the Italian people had a chance to spend some face time with it.
The body is insulted and ridiculed by the masses
The crowd began hurling insults and blasphemies at the corpse almost immediately. Can you blame them? They had just been living under an authoritarian dictator during wartime, this was the closest they got to speaking truth to power in a long time!
The body is abused physically
Sometimes, speaking truth to power isn’t enough, so you start punching truth to power. The crowd went absolutely savage on Mussolini’s corpse — slapping, punching, kicking — one dude even shot it a few more times just for the fuck of it.
They cut his fucking dick off and stuffed it into his own dumb fascist mouth
This particular desecration was perhaps… overzealous, but we get it. One second you’re living under the rule of a fascist blowhard and the next he’s just this dead stupid punching bag right in front of you and after beating the shit out of him for a few hours and still finding yourself angry you start to think “Well, what the hell else can we do with this thing?” It’s fortunate for the Italian people that McDonald’s didn’t exist back then, because if it did, Mussolini’s member would be too sad and shriveled by fish fillet (but he probably would have called it something stupid like “Fish Delight”) consumption to make a satisfying tableau. If this were to happen to a modern dictator, the crowd would probably just go for butt stuff.
The body is hung upside down, with the dick still in the mouth
Ordinarily, in Italy, hanging a body upside down, with or without it’s severed dick in it’s mouth like a macabre cigar, is the ultimate sign of disrespect. In Mussolini’s case, however, it was honest-to-god done just to get what remained of his remains the fuck away from that angry crowd so there would be something left to bury! That is one hell of a retreat — having your corpse subjected to your culture’s ultimate form of humiliation just to keep what’s left of you SAFE.
We hope you enjoyed this little stroll down history lane, and to any modern leader with aims to follow in Mussolini’s footsteps, we at The Hard Times implor you to turn your history book to page fuck around and find out.
LOCKPORT, N.Y. — Local 35-year-old man Richard Colburn recently came to the stark realization that he will never again experience joy like he did watching the Weird Al “Dare to be Stupid” music video on “Al TV” for the first time, depressed sources report.
“I thought being a father, having a beautiful wife, and even having my picture taken in the front seat of Grave Digger would bring me even just a tiny morsel of the same joy I experienced watching Weird Al put his head in a microwave to give himself a tan, but it’s all been futile,” Colburn explained. “I suppose it could be worse. At least I know when my happiness peaked, unlike 90% of the other people my age I know who seem to have never enjoyed anything ever at all, not even Weird Al inexplicably wearing pool goggles or a group of adults squeezing Charmin around a table or anything. Poor saps.”
Colburn’s wife claims to have spent years of their marriage doing whatever she can to help her husband cope with his recent revelation.
“When Rich told me, I was a bit thrown off. I never knew the Eat It guy brought him so much delight,” Jessica Colburn explained while wearing a yellow jumpsuit. “Since then, I’ve tried to do things like dress like they do in that video and I even made a little stop-motion reenactment of our first date for our 10 year anniversary. Nothing works. Not even that time I slowly emerged from a giant vat of mashed potatoes on his birthday one year and said ‘mashed potatoes can be your friend.’”
Mental health professionals say many Millennial patients share similar stories to that of Colburn.
“The advent of music television in the 1980s, and its continuation into the 1990s, exposed many children to a wide range of scarring content,” Dr. Brenda Tilburg stated. “My patients have made references to the Primus ‘Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver’ music video as the point they were first overcome with the prospect of their own mortality. Needless to say, MTV was the death knell for the potential of any sort of happiness for the Millennial generation.”
At press time, Jessica Colburn rented “Transformers: the Movie” for her husband in an attempt to expose him to a way to enjoy “Dare to Be Stupid” in another context.
The Agriculture Department is fast-tracking state requests to yank soda and candy from food-stamp programs. Arkansas and Indiana are among the first in line.
Both states Tuesday said they were seeking clearance from the USDA to implement the changes, and Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins said her agency would move “very, very quickly” to approve them.
“That’s exactly the vision of making America healthy again,” Rollins said in an interview. “I am 100% certain that these changes will be nothing but positive for those underserved communities that are food challenged.”
It’s disappointing that the American Beverage Association’s leadership dragged its entire membership—and the patriotic American workers and their families they employ and represent—into direct conflict with this Administration’s priorities for American health, well-being, and taxpayer protection. These priorities—which those same American workers voted to endorse—will prevail.
It’s disappointing that Governor Sanders and Secretary Rollins are choosing to be the food police rather than take truly meaningful steps to lift people off SNAP with good-paying jobs. Nearly 80 percent of families on SNAP work, they just don’t make enough to make ends meet. Low-income working families were promised a new, better era and not to be left behind again. Instead, they’re being denigrated and treated like second-class citizens.
WHAT? The American Beverage Association is also sounding like me when it comes to root causes of poverty in America? I never thought I would hear anything like this from that organization.
OK, so what’s going on here.
Let’s start from the beginning. When Congress was considering authorizing food stamps in 1964, a few foods were excluded from benefits, soft drinks among them. But lobbying from soft drink companies and retailers (who make money from soda purchases on food stamps) quashed that idea.
About ten years ago, a presidential commission on SNAP (the successor to food stamps), on which I served, recommended pilot projects to test the effectiveness and recipient responses of adding sugary beverages to the small list of foods that cannot be purchased using Electronic Benefit Transfer (EBT) cards. Several states and cities petitioned the USDA for “waivers” that would allow them to run pilot projects. In all cases, the USDA rejected the proposals.
Public health: Sodas contain sugars but nothing else of nutritional value (empty calories), and are well documented to derange metabolism, increase calorie intake, and to be associated with obesity and chronic disease.
Political: SNAP recipients spend too much money on sodas; taxpayers should not support unhealthful food choices. SNAP recipients could continue to buy sodas with their own money, just not EBT cards.
CON
Anti-hunger: Removing sodas from SNAP constitutes government interference with personal choice, is condescending, and is unfair to people who have few ways to treat themselves.
Political: Taking sodas out of SNAP is a cover for the Republican agenda to cut SNAP benefits.
Comment
It looks like the USDA will approve state requests. I have been in favor of pilot projects for a long time, on public health grounds. But—I want to see careful research studies not only looking at changes is purchases among SNAP recipients, but also at how they perceive the new requirements.
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact In some much needed good news, it can be confirmed that Donald Trump’s reciprocal tariffs might finally put a stop to unboxing videos, as US influencers will no longer be able to afford to purchase bags of useless crap from Shein and Temu. These videos, which feature dystopian levels of overconsumption, involve […]
On April 9, the standard GDPNow model estimate for real GDP growth in the first quarter of 2025 is -2.4 percent. The alternative model growth estimate is -0.3 percent. View GDPNow for more details.
Kansas City, KS - Major League Soccer (MLS) side Sporting Kansas City are reportedly in contact with newly available coach Peter Vermes for their head coaching position as the MLS club looked to bring on a stable hand to guide their side for the future.
“We are not ready to talk about our hires,” stated Sporting public relations manager Andrea Philips. “However, we would, of course, be excited by bringing in someone with Peter’s pedigree. It’s not every day that a coach with multiple years within the league and trophies becomes available.”
Sources say that SKC feel that Vermes can bring his no nonsense style to the team and fill the empty head coaching position that was recently vacated by Vermes.
“Only Vermes can fix Vermes,” stated one SKC insider. “If it’s a problem that Vermes created, we believe that by firing and then hiring him we can bring Vermes back to fix the Vermes problem”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Vermes promises that the team will have accountability under his new regime.
JG Thirlwell‘s Xordox project will perform live for the first time in three years at the Itchy-O’s 13th annual Intergalactic Masquerade at the Ogden Theater in Denver Colorado on May 10 2025.
The third Xordox album, Terraform, will be released on May 2 2025. For this live iteration of Xordox, Thirlwell will be joined by Rebecca El Saleh.
Itchy-O is a 57-member avant-garde music performance group based in Denver, Colorado, consisting of a drum-corps battery, pyrotechnics, Taiko drummers, and an arsenal of electronics and crowd-roving provocateurs.
With inflation on the rise, climate change increasing rapidly and the second Trump presidency underway, many millennials aging well into their 30’s are deciding whether or not to start a family. I personally have decided to not have kids, but I respect the choices of my friends and family members who are having kids. I just ask one thing in return — admit my child-free lifestyle is way cooler than yours.
I’m not trying to be preachy! You made a choice, and I respect that choice. I’m just asking you to admit that, objectively, I’m having more fun right now than you. I know you’d rather be driving my brand-new Ducati Panigale v4 than your spouse’s 2018 Toyota Sienna. It’s not a judgment, just a matter of taste, and because I’m not held hostage to the ever-changing whims of a toddler and an infant, I have better taste.
I think women should be allowed to do whatever they want to do with their bodies. You want to use your body to have a baby? Sure! Fine! If that’s what you want to do, I respect it. As long as you respect that I’m going to use my body to eat shrooms and get a tramp stamp of the bass line from Waiting Room by Fugazi. They are both equally valid choices! Mine is just better.
You’re sniffling because your kid gave you a cold? Bummer. I’m sniffling because I dried out my noise by doing too much coke. Way more punk reason, but either way, nose stuff sucks. I’ll drop some saline spray off in the morning when I’m done closing the bar, and I’ll throw in a handle of Grey Goose — you probably need it more than I do.
See that? Perfect example — I’m still being a good friend to you, even though you tell me all the time “Having kids is the best thing that ever happened to me” and “You don’t know what you’re missing out on” and “You’re going to be so sad when you get older”. Not hearing an acceptance of my choice in the alternative lifestyle arena, even though I accept your choice to procreate. Again, not judging! We only got 9 billion and counting of these little fuckers running around this blue marble, we sure don’t want to run out!
I think it’s because you used to love my lifestyle and now you’re a bit jealous. You can’t leave your family and let the bouncer at Arlene’s Grocery bum a few cigarettes in exchange for not paying the cover charge, or go dancing with drag queens, or get your nipples pierced by your friend’s new girlfriend in their bathroom. You’ve got responsibilities now, and getting a staph infection from a bad piercing probably doesn’t fit into that. But it’s certainly more memorable and more punk than whatever you do with two kids born during the Joe Biden presidency.
Well, I’m off to go have sex on the beach in Thailand or wherever you wanted to go ten years ago but then you had kids and now you spend your weekends attending a 3-year-old’s birthday party, plus someone has to take little Timmy to Orchestra practice and it’s not going to be Mark now is it? Anyway, enjoy God’s precious gift!
Maybe we can’t let the good times roll, exactly, but we can push them along.
Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. It’s Mardi Gras week, so I thought I’d take a swing at another New Orleans cocktail. This one’s a deep cut from the New Orleans cocktail bible, but a drink this bright and refreshing deserves a comeback. And it’s easy to make an NA version for those who wish to abstain. Let’s whip up my take on the Roffignac. Here’s the recipe.
Roffignac
1 ½ oz raspberry shrub
1 ½ oz Sho Chuku Bai Nigori Sake
Soda water
Add shrub and sake to an iced highball glass. Top with soda water. Stir gently, raising the bar spoon several times to ensure proper mixing. Serve with 1-2 raspberries as a garnish. For a non-alcoholic option, omit the sake, increase the amount of shrub to 2 oz, and add a twist of lemon.
Raspberry Shrub
6 oz fresh raspberries
¾ cup Alessi Raspberry Blush Vinegar
¾ cup sugar
Add berries, vinegar, and sugar to a small freezer bag. Squeeze as much air out of the bag as possible and seal tightly. Bring a saucepan of water to a boil. Reduce heat to its lowest setting, then submerge the bag in the water. Let sit for 1 hour. Strain the contents of the bag into a small bowl, pressing down on the solids with the back of a spoon. Strain the remaining liquid into a resealable bottle. Will keep refrigerated for months.
Purportedly, the Roffingnac was created by Count Louis Philippe Joseph de Roffignac, mayor of New Orleans from 1820 to 1828. His Excellency brought important things like street lights and cobblestones to the rough port town. I’m a little dubious of the pedigree myself. There’s the Roffignac Cognac brand, after all, and I’ve been in the industry long enough to know that liquor distributors push recipes.
No matter the origin, this cocktail deserves a comeback. It’s not particularly complex, but the introduction of a shrub makes it important to the non-alcoholic cocktail scene. Shrubs are drinking vinegars — fruit and herbs steeped in vinegar and sugar until something delicious results. They’ve been the basis for drinks of all kinds, since the 18th century in this country and even longer in other parts of the world. A few years ago craft bartenders rediscovered them for spring cocktails. A good shrub is sweetness, acid, flavor, and body all in one package, a drink starter all by itself.
Shrubs are great for non-alcoholic cocktails because of their acidity. (I hate the term “mocktail.” A good NA drink doesn’t pretend to be a ‘real’ drink.) Classic NA drinks like the Shirley Temple are sugar bombs. A good drink should be balanced — sweet, tart, and flavorful, with no one element predominating. Shrubs bring intense acidity and flavor to the glass that’s hard to find from other mixers. I’m working on my shrub-making skills, and fully expect to use more of these over the summer.
Let’s talk ingredients:
Ingredient shot. Champagne vinegar would be great here too.
Raspberry shrub: The challenge in making any shrub is extracting flavor from the fruit into the sweetened vinegar. I found several recipes that asked you to let the shrub sit for three or five days to let the flavors meld. I think we can all agree that we need a drink much sooner than that. The quick and dirty sous vide method I found does the trick very nicely. Low, gentle heat extracts the fruit flavor without breaking down the acids in the vinegar. Make sure you strain the shrub thoroughly — no one likes drinking a raspberry seed.
[Rebecca here to add that this local Detroit shrub company deserves your dollars if you don’t want to do it yourself, although Hoop does make it sound easy! Peach ginger honey! Cherry orange vanilla! Strawberry guava! Alllll of the others! This is what I spend (some of) your donations on. This is not an ad, I just love them.]
Buy a girl a shrub.
Sho Chiku Bai Nigori sake: The Roffignac called for cognac in its original incarnation, but recent incarnations have used whiskey or tequila as the base spirit. On a lark, I tried nigori sake as the base (it worked very well for the Tokyo Rose I created earlier). Nigori sake is cloudy, soft, and flavorful, thicker and milder than clear sake. The sake emphasized the fruit in the drink and enhanced the beautiful color of the shrub. If we’re still stumbling toward dystopia by the weekend, consider using vodka or gin to up the proof.
Soda water: I’m fairly indifferent to soda water as a bottled product, but if you want a lot of bubbles use Q Soda Water as your brand. Avoid club soda, which has salt added to it.
In summary and conclusion, drink well, drink often, and tip your bartender — donate to Wonkette at the link below!
We aren’t linking to Amazon anymore, because fuck Bezos with a rusty bar spoon. Go read Shrubs: An Old Fashioned Drink for Modern Times by Michael Dietsch. You’ll have a whole new take on your soft drinks for the summer.
WASHINGTON — Pete Hegseth began his confirmation hearing this week for Defense Secretary with effusive support from Senators Markwayne “Fists of Fury” Mullin and Tommy “Don’t forget he coached Auburn” as well as heated questions from Senators Tammy Duckworth, Tim “Not Walz” Kaine. Yet Hegseth handled the questioning ably by asserting that he was “not a …
i love this one, because Kluwe's views have been pretty well known for a decade. did the school just not do any research?
Former NFL punter Chris Kluwe says he has been fired from his role as a football coach for high school freshmen after he was arrested in an anti-MAGA protest at a Huntington Beach City Council meeting.
"Just got fired from being a freshman football coach, if you want to know what MAGA does to communities," Kluwe wrote on BlueSky. "They don’t care about what helps people, because the school is certainly not going to find an ex-NFL player willing to coach there at that level, they only care about trying to hurt people."
The all-Republican City Council in Huntington Beach, California, was voting to install a plaque at the city's library that used an acrostic to spell out MAGA when Kluwe spoke up during the public comment portion of a meeting and denounced President Trump's MAGA movement. He then said he would engage in civil disobedience by refusing to leave the area of the City Council meeting where the council members sit. Police carried him out and arrested him.
“I’m sad that I won’t be able to work with the kids anymore, because they always were excited once they figured out I had played in the NFL," Kluwe said.
LOS ANGELES — A halftime performance by Icelandic post-rock band Sigur Rós led to an unheard of scoreless third quarter between the Golden State Warriors and the Los Angeles Lakers, disoriented attendees reported.
“In 40 years of broadcasting I’ve never seen a halftime show kill the momentum of a basketball game quite like that,” legendary Lakers commentator Stu Lantz said of the ambient rock trio’s haunting performance. “By the time the last echo loop gave way to the start of the third quarter the once enthusiastic arena had become a frigid black void of eternal isolation. For the next twelve minutes, 20,000 lost souls looked on in silence as players wandered the court in a daze with seemingly no interest in playing the game at all. Ball movement was listless- even by regular season standards- with Steph Curry putting up the sole field goal attempt which arced well short of the rim. As time expired, Warriors power forward Draymond Green led a prayer in Old Norse for which he received a second technical and was promptly ejected from the game without protest.”
Veteran superstar LeBron James offered a player’s perspective on the effect Sigur Rós had on the atmosphere coming out of the locker room.
“Athletes feed off the energy of the crowd so we were immediately lulled into introspective oblivion,” James recalled with his head gently backlit by a halo of glowing frost. “As the superficial veil of ego disappeared, so did any concern for the game. Suddenly a half-court no-look ally-oop windmill dunk felt like a garish defilement of a quieter humility, so instead we took turns holding the mother orb whispering to her our most guarded secrets. Eventually we reentered our bodies and really lit it up in the 4th.”
Halftime coordinator, Stephanie Gill, offered some insight into what makes a successful show.
“The aim is to keep the crowd excited without upstaging the game itself,” Gill commented while in a tense bidding war over the lady who rides the giant unicycle and kicks bowls onto her head. “Obviously Sigur Rós took people on a deeper journey of the mind than perhaps a human cannonball would have, but I think the combination of collective rebirth and Dippin’ Dots made for an overall positive experience. Trust me, I’ve seen worse; Sufjan Stevens once opened the Stanley Cup and they had to push the whole series back a week so the competitive spirit could recover.”
At press time, Sigur Rós was spotted giving Joanna Newsom some pointers for her upcoming appearance at UFC 313.
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed a new bill that bans the word “gay” from being used in any Christmas songs past or present, sources confirmed.
“Christmas is about spending time with family and celebrating the birth of my personal hero Jesus Christ. It is not a time to sing carols that indoctrinate children into a gay agenda that seeks to perpetuate the War on Christmas,” said DeSantis. “This bill is a tool in destroying the woke mind virus and returning a sense of morality to our society. I want to send a message to the children of this great state; Santa will not give you gifts this year if your parents sing those banned lyrics. That is why we will have a hotline to report infractions to local law enforcement. Starting today, anyone who is caught using the word ‘gay’ while caroling on a humid Florida night will be sentenced to 25 years in prison with no chance of parole.”
Some Florida residents don’t think this new law goes far enough.
“I think this is a good start, but as a society, we need to create harsher laws to combat people who say ‘Happy Holidays’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas’ and anyone who suggests that Santa is Black should be fined at least $75,000,” said local man Chris Carson. “Speaking of Santa, he needs to stop giving so many hand-outs. Not every child deserves gifts, he should only deliver presents to the children who have read the Bible cover to cover and show reverence to baby Jesus on a daily basis. Kids today are out of control, the naughty list isn’t enough to dissuade them from being heathens.”
Music historian Olive Agosto is actively petitioning Governor DeSantis to reverse his decision.
“I tried explaining to everyone involved in creating this bill that the word ‘gay’ didn’t mean the same thing when these songs were written. Then I accidentally mentioned that most of the famous Christmas carols were written by Jewish men and they started calling me an anti-semite for some reason,” said Agosto. “I’ve also heard that some lawmakers in Tallahassee are trying to make ‘Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime’ by Paul McCartney be Florida’s official Christmas song. That’s when I realized I was dealing with truly sick people who can’t be helped.”
At press time, Governor DeSantis banned reruns of “The Flintstones” after learning the family was having a “gay old time” in every episode.
>Even Halloween is a tpye of chrsitmas for grosts!
blog
blog in
bloggin in ,
DRIVE C…//PASSWORF CHARLES 1948
Chun chun chun! Chun chun chun! Whast that sound>? Well ,it’s the sounmd == of the jimbling,jumbling sreason of Chriftman! The big wuestion of ebery bondys mind of course is :What’s is the Christamnas hamble? Queeb here, porking my head oiut of a delightful Chriftman advernt calanber to say wel’come to my blog ,which this week is all about the hollandays , Christman or otherwise ,
many culture’s, have, theeir, own names for Christnam, weather it be: Jewish people, or all other other types of pelple, I don;t have the time to look then all up, feel wlecomed to, but needles to say ,theirs a lot of differnet kind’s of Chrastmas! Even Halloween is a tpye of chrsitmas for grosts! My favorite kind of Course is Rengular Christmas. The smell of the roll’s braking in the oven, the crisp chrustmas horstenblant==944 ,those sock’s you hang from the fire , reffing the chentle…I am 10% addincted to Christmart!
Every year a t Christmald time, our beautirufl pallace “dongs the gray appearal” and become;s eseentially the North Porth: From candy cane staievanrs to Wondruful Elfs, the pastle is confirmed from a Norman Castle into a wonter wonderlamp. Even Satna himslef cannot tell the different betweet the royal palance and his own lair!
Evre
ervy w Every moring from Orctober 15rd onward I awark to a rumping, prumping Christmas miralax. The scent of Holiday Charm Oil is in the air, and the christmar trains run up and down thet walls like geckos. We have not one, not three, but TWO santa clausers who are alway;s slidign up and down the chimney m, but unl anf theres a lotta reindeer too! 41 gorgeous elves scutter and brance acorns the floor , and that’s not to mention the 15 Fires of Abraham.
Even the bathtomb is a christmassy delight! Each toilet sings a christmas tune and each sink is filled with its very own christmas drain ,and there are ribbons , instead of towel’s. Trat yourself to a bowl of christmastime porriage rolls with all the fixings: spicers, wheat sloth, roasted brutes, and even fig skin, all rolled up in a crunchy she’ll. Im guaranteed to pack on about one thousand stone from all of the muching! Sorry pants!! May they reft in pieace,
But amingst all the joyfullment it’s also important to rememeber that christmalt is n;t jsut about delighfulness m mm, but it’s also About the Baby of God. He hast been borned as he hast been undied. we allth know thine little bearded face , the circumstances of his brith , and his love of drance ,
Well, I wish I coud wrote about Christmint for the rest of mylife, but there are elves to be tinkled! I ask only one gruft each form all of my loyal christmas follower;s, and that is to simply wave to
your fellow human being;s, that would be a lovelty holiday gesture to see this year.
ALT
