Cowboy Who?

#Ryo #RoninWarriors

I was still ill when i drew this, but fortunately I’d worked it all out when I was writing it. All I had to do was spend the morning at a buffet. So many new friends to meet there.

The post The wall of humanity appeared first on Bad Machinery.

A New York Times investigation has revealed allegations that the late renowned labor leader abused girls and raped Dolores Huerta, his longtime organizing partner.

Each week, the Standard reaches out to Austin’s Typewriter Rodeo for a custom poem on Texas topics.

The city produces 5% of the nation’s refined products like gas and jet fuel, and experts say a serious water shortage could force production down and push fuel prices up even further.

County commissioners approved a worker consultations policy that allows their employees to enlist labor organizations to help advocate for improved pay and working conditions.

On Friday's show: We get updates on a battle over immigration enforcement playing out at city hall and the county's vote on the expansion plan for Ben Taub Hospital. Plus we talk about hockey culture in our city ahead of the annual Hockey Day in Houston event Saturday.

In brief: Houston is going to be doing some heavy flirting with 90 degrees beginning today and continuing into next week. That’s it. That’s the summary.

If you are Very Online or even if you’re not, surely you’ve seen someone post their memories of the 90s in the latest viral trend. Well, we may once again find out what we were like in the 90s for the first sustained period since October.

Today through Monday

Not a lot to say here. There could be some late night or early morning fog each day, but otherwise it looks clear, with nothing worse than some passing high clouds at times. Temperatures will warm into the mid or upper-80s today, upper 80s to near 90 tomorrow and Sunday, and perhaps near 90 again Monday with a slight chance of slightly drier air.

Houston Rodeo Forecast

Hard to believe that we’re coming to the end of the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo this weekend. Temperatures should fall rather quickly from the 80s into the 70s this evening and Sunday evening. It will be hot tomorrow, with upper-80s to near 90 degrees so if you are attending, just keep that in mind and make sure to stay hydrated, preferably with water if you’ll be doing any of the outside attractions.

Tuesday through Thursday

Even if we manage to cool down some on Sunday night or Monday, we will quickly bounce back well into the 80s next week. And yes, we will flirt with a chance of 90 degrees every day it appears. Blind Melon’s “No Rain” (1992) is a nice companion soundtrack next week.

Later next week

Can we get a cold front next weekend? That’s the question. There are strong signs within model data that we may see a brief cooldown next Saturday and Sunday (think highs in the 70s or low 80s). Right now, it does not appear that any kind of cold front will come with meaningful rainfall but we may at least get to enjoy some slightly less May-like weather for a few days. Stay tuned.

A year ago this week, Ruben Ray Martinez, a 23-year-old American citizen, was shot and killed by an ICE agent in Texas. While the Department of Homeland Security says Martinez intentionally rammed his vehicle into an agent, recently released body cam footage calls that narrative into question. Geoff Bennett spoke with Rachel Reyes, Ruben Martinez's mother, and her attorney, Charles Stam.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Is it out of touch to expect student workers to check their email?

I work at a fairly small college, and I’m noticing that more and more students aren’t checking or responding to their email regularly. Some of my colleagues say that they have to text the students in order to get a response. I really don’t want to do that unless it’s a time-sensitive situation.

My instinct is to tell the students (the ones who work for me anyway) that email is still a really normal business tool and they need to get used to it because it will be part of their professional lives for a while to come. But I also recognize that I’ve worked here for almost 15 years, and norms may have changed. So is email still as widely used as I think it is? Or am I out of touch?

Email is still widely used at work. You are not out of touch about this — or at least you’re not as long as you have told these students that your office uses email to communicate and they are expected to check it with at least X frequency and respond within Y timeframe. It’s true that students aren’t still using email in their personal lives the way students before them did, and so you do need to spell out what you expect — but after that, it’s reasonable to expect them to do it, although you might need to reinforce it with a few reminders.

For what it’s worth, though — even if email weren’t still widely used at work, you could still require them to use it if you needed to; employers require employees to use specific communication tools all the time (whether it’s email or Slack or Teams or on and on). But you can certainly point out to them that this will be something they’ll need to get used to for future jobs as well.

Related:
employee didn’t check email for 60 days

2. Should I tell my manager that a vendor was rude to me?

I work for a tiny retail store (Store A) that is owned by a larger chain of similar stores (Chain B), which is itself owned by an even larger chain of stores (Chain C). It’s ridiculously fiddly to get things approved or fixed because we have to jump through so many hoops. We get a lot of promises from the big bosses that never come to fruition. It’s frustrating for us, but my manager is an angel and no-nonsense and fields a lot of higher-up stuff for us.

She’s on (a deserved!) vacation at the moment and today I answered a phone call from a vendor. He told me that Chain C hasn’t paid any of our bills to his business since August. I was shocked and kind of exclaimed and laughed and said, “Oh that’s ridiculous, I’m so sorry–” and he cut me off and told me that it wasn’t funny and that it needed to be fixed.

I’m autistic and often laugh in inappropriate situations as a reflex when I’m surprised or confused. I wasn’t laughing at him; it was more of an exasperated reflex because of course Chain C hasn’t paid that bill, they never pay anything on time! I apologized and tried to explain to him that Store A doesn’t get answers from Chain C when we need things, let alone when they owe people money, and he cut me off again abruptly saying again that it’s not funny and how unprofessional we are and that he needs to be paid.

I understand that his business is losing money because of something that Chain C is doing, and that must be so much more frustrating than it is for me as an employee, but I can’t stop thinking about him! Because of my autism I don’t know if I’m taking this more personally than I should, but the vendor was so rude to me over something that I have absolutely no control over.

My manager is in constant communication with Chain B and Chain C trying to get them to actually do the things they’re supposed to do but we’re at the bottom of their priorities. It sucks, but we literally could not be doing more than we already are to get things fixed; it’s all above our heads.

Part of me thinks I should tell my manager about the call when she’s back but leave out the vendor being rude. Another part of me wants her no-nonsense side to tell him to direct his anger at the people who are actually screwing him over. We deal with his company frequently and it would upset me if I had to just continue communicating with him knowing how rude he was. I’ve been in retail for over a decade now and I’m used to customers being rude, but it’s shaken me that another business we work closely with could be so harsh with me. Do I tell my manager? Should I just try and shake it off?

His reaction doesn’t sound outrageous to me! He’s justifiably frustrated that he hasn’t been paid since August, and when you laughed that likely sounded to him like you weren’t taking it seriously. I get that you were laughing more in disgust about what Chain C is doing, but that wouldn’t necessarily be clear to someone who doesn’t know you and doesn’t have that context and who is already understandably upset. He’s presumably doing business with your store, Store A, and shouldn’t need to care about the intricacies of how Store A’s bills get paid — just that he gets the money that Store A owes him. And while I get why you feel like he should direct his anger at the people actually responsible, you are representing Store A, regardless of what power you do (or more accurately, don’t) have in this situation.

It doesn’t sound like he was abusive; he just told you it wasn’t funny … which it’s not, and while I know your laugh didn’t mean “this is funny,” it’s pretty common for someone to interpret a laugh as a light-heartedness that wasn’t well-matched with the situation he’s in.

You should definitely tell your manager when she’s back that this vendor is upset, but your focus should be about him being frustrated that he still hasn’t been paid, not that he was rude — because for the reasons above it doesn’t really sound like he was!

3. Informal references and “character assassination”

I recently joined the management team of a company, and we are in the process of hiring for a number of positions. A few candidates have worked with past colleagues, though not under me directly. When I told my new team members that I’d be happy to reach out to my network and get the inside scoop on these potential new hires, I was informed that under no circumstance should I do so. We are to confine our reference checks to just the names shared by the job candidates. If we were to talk to someone who wasn’t an official reference and learn negative information that persuaded us away from hiring a candidate, we could be sued for “character assassination.”

Is this true? Can we really only talk to official references? And if so, does that mean that references are basically worthless? Of course an applicant is only going to provide the names of people who will speak well of them. But that can mean that someone with a history of racism or sexual harassment or other problematic behaviors basically has a level playing field with other candidates walking into an interview. When it comes to hiring, experience has taught me that an applicant’s past behavior and work habits are a good indicator of future performance. Having to confine ourselves to resumes, interviews, and sanctioned work references curbs our ability to make informed hiring decisions. So should organizations basically throw reference checks out the window? If a peer happens to mention an applicant was let go for poor performance, should I shut them down and try to forget I ever heard that information?

No, this is not true, at least if you’re in the U.S. It’s perfectly legal to check any references you want, whether they are supplied by the candidate or not, and you are allowed to factor what they tell you into your hiring decision as long you’re not basing it on information about their race, religion, disability, or other protected characteristics.

Your team’s stance is especially weird because they’re implying that your company could be in trouble for “character assassination” (by which they probably mean defamation) when the company wouldn’t be the party “assassinating their character” in this situation; if anyone were on shaky legal ground in this line of thinking, it would be the reference themselves — but they’re not, because U.S. law is clear that providing honest and accurate references is legal.

Related:
we hired without checking references … and it went badly

4. Are company handbooks legally binding?

Are company handbooks in any way legally binding?

My very small company doesn’t have its own handbook. When the company was started, however, we were given the handbook of another (larger) company. The clear implication was that the handbook applied to our company, but no one has so much as mentioned the handbook in the 15 years of my company’s existence.

I ask mostly as a hypothetical exercise. There are some sections in the handbook that some current employees could probably be found in violation of (these would not be actual legal matters, just procedural things spelled out in the handbook). But there are entire sections in the handbook that spell out obligations of the company that have been completely ignored. If the company fired an employee on the basis of a handbook violation, would that employee possibly have a legal leg to stand on by countering that the company’s failure to uphold its own handbook-defined obligations negates the handbook altogether? Given how U.S. employment law always seems to work, I’m guessing not. But I’m interested in your take.

It depends on the specifics and it can vary by state, but in many cases courts have ruled that promises made in employee handbooks may be contractual promises, particularly when an employer writes that it “will” or “shall” take a particular action (as opposed to “may” or “can”). But again, it varies based on the exact circumstances — and either way it’s probably moot here since this is a handbook that belonged to another company and hasn’t been mentioned in the 15 years since.

If it were a currently used handbook, though, the employee in your hypothetical still likely wouldn’t have the sort of recourse you’re talking about. Employers can fire employees for pretty much whatever they want (as long as it’s not for a specifically illegal reason, like discrimination or in retaliation for exercising legally protected rights, such as reporting harassment). It’s possible that the employee could have a completely separate case over the company breaking legally binding promises (again, if the promises in question would qualify as legally binding), but that wouldn’t negate the company’s ability to legally fire them for something else; it would be a separate issue.

The post is it out of touch to expect students to check their email, should I tell my boss a vendor was rude, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

Well-ah… what do you think-ah… sirs-ah?

AUSTIN, TX – In the wake of polls showing that he may have inadvertently made marginal gains with Canadian female voters, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre immediately flew to the United States to appear as a guest on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast. While most polls show Mark Carney’s Liberals climbing to 17 point lead, with […]

The post Poilievre appears on Joe Rogan podcast after accidentally polling too well with women appeared first on The Beaverton.

The post Trump Repeats False Claim That Iranians Produce Oil From Bodies Like Bees appeared first on The Onion.

The technical person here at the show has done something or other to stop those interuption so the show can continute. #CowboyWho

The vote ends a months-long debate on the controversial plan that drew support from medical workers and the ire of Hermann Park’s conservators.

Lawndale has announced the juror for The Big Show 2026, an annual open call juried exhibition for artists from a 100-mile radius around the nonprofit art center’s central Houston location. 

The juror for 2026 is Valerie Cassel Oliver, Sydney and Frances Lewis Family Curator of Modern and Contemporary Art at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts (VMFA), where she has organized landmark exhibitions of work by Robert Rauschenberg, Theaster Gates, Ted Joans, Dawoud Bey, and Howardena Pindell. She also curated the 2021 group exhibition The Dirty South: Contemporary Art, Material Culture and the Sonic Impulse, which originated at the VMFA and toured to locations including the Contemporary Arts Museum Houston (CAMH) and the Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art in Bentonville, Arkansas.

From 2000 to 2018, Ms. Cassel Oliver held the position of CAMH Senior Curator, where she organized notable exhibitions, including survey shows of Donald Moffett, Jennie C. Jones, and Angel Otero, and the group exhibition Radical Presence: Black Performance in Contemporary Art. In 2022, 2024, and 2025, she curated the Spotlight section of the Frieze Masters Art Fair in London, and she has received numerous awards and honors from institutions including the American Folk Art Society, Bard College, the Detroit Institute of Art, the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, the Center of Curatorial Leadership in in New York City, and the Getty Research Institute in Los Angeles.

Ms. Cassel Oliver earned an Executive MBA from Columbia University in New York City, and holds an MA in Art History from Howard University in Washington, D.C., and a BS in Communications from the University of Texas at Austin.

Lawndale’s flagship group exhibition The Big Show started in 1984 as the East End Show. Past jurors have included Dr. Phillip A. Townsend in 2025, Dr. Laura Augusta in 2024, Dr. Kanitra Fletcher in 2023, and Daisy Nam in 2022.

The 100-mile radius around Lawndale encompasses an area roughly bordered by Schulenburg to the west, Madisonville to the north, Matagorda to the south, and just past Port Arthur and Beaumont to the east.

The Big Show 2026 will open Friday, June 12, and run through Saturday, August 15. For information on eligibility requirements and to apply, visit Lawndale’s Submittable application website. The application deadline is Wednesday, April 8, at 11:59 p.m. CDT.

Disclaimer: Glasstire is a media sponsor of The Big Show 2026 at Lawndale.

The post Lawndale Names Valerie Cassel Oliver as The Big Show 2026 Juror; Launches Open Call appeared first on Glasstire.

In brief: In today’s post we discuss high pressure and sinking air, which is the reason why Houston is likely to see wall-to-wall sunshine for the next week. We also take a look at just how hot temperatures are going to get this weekend.

High pressure, sinking air

As we discussed yesterday, a rather strong and persistent ridge of high pressure is building over the Western United States, and it is going to hold sway for at least the next week. Such highs produce conditions in which air, generally, sinks rather than rises. In the absence of rising air, it’s difficult to see the kinds of moisture needed for clouds to form to be lifted from the surface. Therefore we get days and days of blue skies. I am highly confident of nearly 100 percent clear skies for now through Sunday, and then I expect partly to mostly sunny skies (at least) to persist for much of next week. This lifted moisture is also necessary to produce precipitation, which is why I’m doubtful that we’re going to see any rain between now and the middle of next week, and quite possibly longer than that.

Thursday

We are experiencing our last ‘cool’ morning today, with lows generally in the upper 40s to lower 50s across the region. Winds are light, from the southwest, and will become a little stronger this afternoon, with gusts up to 15 mph perhaps. Skies will be—if you’ve been paying attention you already know the answer to this—sunny today with high temperatures climbing into the lower 80s.

Houston rodeo

The weather will be mighty fine for the rodeo later today, with temperatures this evening in the 70s, and southerly winds at about 10 mph. Lows will fall into the 60s after the show, and by early Friday morning they should drop to around 60 degrees in Houston. Some outlying areas will likely see lows in the 50s, and that may well be the last time for that until at least next weekend.

Friday

A fine, sunny day with highs in the mid-80s. Winds may be a little more perky from the south, with overnight temperatures a few degrees warmer.

Saturday and Sunday

The ridge should reach its peak strength this weekend, and that will push our high temperatures into the upper-80s for most locations. Some inland areas may well hit 90 degrees for the first time this year. Regardless it’s going to be sunny and borderline hot this weekend. Southerly winds may gust up to about 20 mph during the afternoon hours. Overnight lows will fall into the lower 60s. It will feel moderately humid, but still be far below ‘normal’ humidity in Houston on a summer day. So I guess we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.

Next week

A weak front will approach the area early next week, but I don’t think it will bring us any precipitation. It should help knock a few degrees off daytime highs however, so maybe mid-80s rather than upper-80s. I still anticipate a lot of sunshine next week and low rain chances. That may change toward the end of the week with a frontal passage, but I’m making no promises or guarantees there.

Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. What to do about serious problems you never see firsthand (#2 at the link)

Great advice and so many great responses – thank you! it is indeed nonprofit early childhood education, with infant, toddler and preschool classrooms. I got two big things from this conversation – I am indeed not crazy, this is a solvable problem. And I got some strong language for how to name what is going on and try to shift things next time.

Here is what I ended up doing this time: With this director there had been a previous situation where I had looped in the supervisor, and the director was upset, why hadn’t I talked to her, she thought we had a good relationship, gone behind her back, etc. and it didn’t help much and I had to do relationship repair to get back to a good coaching relationship. This time, I sent her this: “I wanted to share some thoughts and see what you think. I’m sending this just to you so we can think this through, and see what the next steps might be. There are two things that most concern me . . .” With a “we’ll figure it out together” tone, I objectively detailed my concerns, especially how serious it was that there was the fear of retaliation from the other staff, and acknowledged how hard it must be to follow through when you don’t see it, and how can we brainstorm to get the data she needs to act?

I didn’t get a response to the email, but the next time I was there the problematic staff was gone. Apparently the director met with her and she walked out. So win for this classroom, but we still have some big challenges in our agency.

Out of the answer and comments, I also got a realization and some questions – coaching, at least how my agency does it, is a strange space. I have responsibility but no way to enforce accountability. I have goals as a coach, but if directors won’t back me up and hold people accountable, nothing changes. And if their supervisors won’t either, it’s even more impossible. And I really don’t understand why as a culture my agency is not willing to deal with ineffective or inappropriate directors and teachers. Part of it is chronic struggles with staffing. (To answer one question, no, we never go out of ratio. We will pull a director or admin into a room rather than do that. You don’t even step out for a bathroom break without someone stepping in.) I’m curious what coaching and quality improvement looks like in fields other than education.

Early childhood care and education in the U.S. is struggling so much. Families can’t afford care, we can’t pay teachers enough, and public funding is being cut like crazy. Many states had quality improvement initiatives begin in the 1990’s and 2000’s to address it with increased qualifications for teachers and state money to support it, but with the states I’m involved in, the updated quality improvement standards have decreased, probably because of the very desperate lack of more highly qualified teachers. We are going back to unregulated underground child care for many families.

2. Am I ruining my life by moving for my spouse’s job? (#5 at the link)

I wanted to share an update a couple of years after writing my original letter about whether to move for my spouse’s career. I ultimately agreed to move because of how difficult it is to find a job in my spouse’s field and the quality of life benefits of the new city. Thankfully, a couple months after arriving I found a local job in a different industry with decent pay, flexibility, and benefits.

The hardest part has been the hit to my ego and sense of identity. I was very good at my previous job and, in many ways, it was my imperfect dream role. But it was a public-sector position in an organization that has become much less stable under this presidential administration, and my broader field has taken a decimating hit. My current job is unrelated, and sometimes I miss being seen as an expert rather than just another small part of a large system. I’ve been working on separating my sense of self-worth from my job, but that transition has certainly been hard. One upside of watching the upheaval in the field I once loved from afar is that it’s made it easier not to dwell on what my career might have looked like if I’d stayed.

As the professional landscape has changed, my parents have stopped telling me I made a terrible career decision and instead now criticize the move itself. That’s been tough, but with time, grief, and therapy I’ve started to make peace with the personal side of it and stop letting it drive my anxiety about my career.

Life looks different than I expected a few years ago, but many of the things within my control are going well. My spouse and child are thriving. I miss our old city, but I’m also enjoying the new one and the opportunities it brings.

3. Can I advise my boss not to hire a contractor? (#4 at the link)

I took my concerns about Jane (the contractor who couldn’t do her job but was well liked) to my boss and he said he appreciated my honesty. He also felt that the things Jane was struggling with could be taught but that she’d built strong relationships at the company and that kind of thing couldn’t be taught. Jane was hired.

It became clear to me that Jane’s “good relationships” were the result of her sharing privileged information, over-promising, and gossiping. Jane also began to backstab and exclude all the other women on the team. Before her trial period was over, I took my new concerns about her behavior to my boss, who promised to speak with her and asked me to give her another chance.

Some time later, we received an email from HR (not our boss) that Jane had been fired. My boss now insists I am part of all hiring committees.

I’d like to leave this update here, but honestly the team has not recovered from Jane’s toxic behavior. The factions she created to pit against each other have not dissipated and there is anger and confusion around her firing. There’s also lingering suspicion that maybe Anna is actually a slacker, Betty is actually a bully, and Connie is actually unreliable and Jane was the only hard working, honest, and dependable woman on the team.

HR isn’t about to tell us why she was fired so we’ll never really know what happened. When it comes up, all I can do is counter rumor with my personal experience (i.e., “I’ve never had a problem with the quality of Anna’s work” — a strategy I know because of your great advice on other letters, Alison!). I don’t expect the team to recover until each and every one of us has moved on to a new job.

Wishing everyone a drama-free workplace!

The post updates: trailing spouse, problems you don’t see firsthand, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

Did ancient astronauts leave this rock? Read the book.

This does have all the earmarks of a KGB operation.

The post Strait of Hormones appeared first on The Onion.

Underground Artists is an ongoing comic by Ali Fitzgerald (Hungover Bear & Friends) that follows woodland creatures as they create art and search out whimsy in a bleak forest.

Ryan Gosling stars in Project Hail Mary, an adaptation of the popular sci-fi novel by Andy Weir. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film. 

Q: Who does Ryan Gosling play?

A: Ryland Grace, an eighth grade science teacher somehow still determined to save humanity despite having spent decades surrounded by middle schoolers.

Q: Is this a sequel to The Martian?

A: Yes. Keen-eyed observers will notice the Earth appears in both films.

Q: What idea does the film explore?

A: Whether humans and aliens can really be friends without sex getting in the way.

Q: How has the film been received?

A: Both visually and aurally.

Q: Should I read the book first?

A: With the number of trailers playing before the movie, you’ll have time to start and finish it before the film begins.

Q: What’s with the talking beavers?

A: You’re in the wrong theater.

The post What To Know About ‘Project Hail Mary’ appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON, DC – Following their upset victory in the World Baseball Classic finals against the United States, the Venezuelan interim government is immediately collecting their winnings from a wager they placed with the White House; all of the oil the United States has taken from them since their military assault in January. “We would never […]

The post US loses World Baseball Classic bet, has to give Venezula their oil back appeared first on The Beaverton.

A new bill would reinstate incentives from the Inflation Reduction Act and provide assistance for consumer electricity costs.

By Arcelia Martin

U.S. House Democrats proposed legislation on Wednesday to restore clean energy tax credits revoked by Republicans last year through the One Big Beautiful Bill Act. 

Cowboy Pat disappeared? #CowboyWho

By David Taylor / Managing Editor Aldine Independent School District personnel spent their Saturday hosting an annual job fair at Davis High School drawing hundreds of job seekers eager ...

Though Texas law prohibits public employees from collective bargaining, the proposed local program could make it easier for county workers to file grievances related to pay, workplace conditions and terminations.

“GOP Ohio lawmaker calls for camera monitoring system to prevent child care fraud.” — Dayton Daily News

We Republicans know what you, the American people, want most: round-the-clock video surveillance of your children handed over directly to us, your freedom-loving government.

How else can we be sure that your hard-earned taxpayer money is well-spent? How do we know that Miss Taylor’s School for Tots isn’t secretly a Taco Bell masquerading as a childcare center? If two children playing aren’t being watched 24-7 through a live feed routed to a government agency, do they even exist?

We’re the party of parental choice, so you’ll have the option to either (a) subject your child to constant video surveillance in their childcare program or (b) keep them at home until they turn eighteen and are no longer your problem.

Now, some people might think this is a little bit much. Do we really need every childcare program to buy cameras to capture every second of our children learning how to pronounce their R’s? Couldn’t we instead fund our child care system appropriately, like other developed countries, so that child care programs can hire and retain qualified staff, and so they don’t need both a CPA certificate and a law degree just to do all the paperwork needed to access public funding?

We hear you: Access to affordable, quality childcare is not a priority for you. You don’t need silly little things like the ability to keep your job, or for your child to have the opportunity to learn and play with other kids their age. That’s socialism.

No, what you want most, what you need more than anything in the world right now, more than clean air to breathe, more than the ability to move around your neighborhood safely, more than accountability for those in power, is for live video of your child’s every move to be safely entrusted to us, your individual rights-loving government.

We’re looking out for you, the little guy. We’re absolutely not trying to decimate an entire sector of our economy that happens to be mostly made up of women. It’s not like we think women should stay at home and take care of the kids so we don’t have to.

Folks, you know you can trust us with minute-by-minute footage of your littles because we would never hand your sensitive information over to twenty-two-year-olds to sell to other criminals on the dark web.

And it’s not like we have a history of tear-gassing toddlers or rounding up five-year-olds and holding them in concentration camps as their health steadily declines.

No, this is all absolutely necessary to make sure that we root out fraud and corruption and deliver accountability to the American taxpayer.

After all, it’s perfectly ordinary that a bunch of Republican men like us really, really want access to an unprecedented amount of video footage of young, innocent children. It’s not like we were in the Epstein files 38,000 times.