Nichole Reed confessed to Orange City, Fla. police that she did indeed stuff seven lobster tails—Publix retail value: $11.99—down her pants. She was hoping, she told police, to trade the tails for some Chinese food. Or pills. It didn't work out.

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Chicago Reader

Part of being a responsible adult/parent/NFL team owner is knowing when to spend and when to save money, especially when it comes to getting inebriated. You can’t drink Cristal every night, nor should you due to the obvious health problems that would come along with hanging out with Gucci Mane all the time. So for this week’s mock draft we’re selecting ways to get drunk for less than $10. We’re going two rounds, snake style again. See you in the komment section.

1. Sarah Sprague selects- One Avery’s Mephistopheles’ Stout

fermentedly challenged

It’s deceptively drinkable and smooth, but at 16.8% APV, it knocks me on the floor. And then into the bathroom. And then sleeping next to the toilet.

Ed: Wow that’s a dark beer. I guess Sarah likes her beer like she likes her men… filled with alcohol.

2. Big Sandy selects- Moonshine

Seriously. If you live east of the Mississippi, easy to find and a guy who’s not an asshole will sell you a quart for under $10. I prefer Apple Pie but to each their own. Don’t know how to find it? Use Google.

3. PFT Commenter selects- To bottles of Mad Dog 20/20

slaking fool

First is habernero lime a rita. I LOVE how mad Dog skipped right past jalepeno and straight up went for habernero the king of the pepper.

For my 2nd one it realy dosent matter at this point I could be drinking the measle mumps rubela vacinne and I woudnt no or care the difference.

Plus if u buy 2 mad dogs u have enough money left over for the bus.

4. RobotsFightingDinosaurs selects- homemade infused spirits

Though bottles of liquor cost more to buy than beers, in terms of how much money it takes to get you drunk, there are few options more cost-effective than buying a bottle of cheap liquor. And if you can wait like 5 days, you can make your liquor better by sealing some of it in a mason jar with chunks of fruits or spices or something. Some of my favorites include vodka with mango and habaneros (without the seeds, I’m not as intense as PFTC), gin with lemon and cucumber, and whiskey with candied bacon. Cost me like 40 bucks total to make all of that, including buying mason jars because I didn’t feel like washing the ones I had out. And they have gotten me drunk WAY more than 4 times.

PROTIP FROM SARAH SPRAGUE REGARDING URBAN LEGEND THAT RUNNING CHEAP VODKA THROUGH A BRITA MAKES IT TASTE LIKE GREY GOOSE:
That urban legend does work. You can take shitty vodka and strain it a few times to make it better. Have a Russian pal with his own still who does it.

5. Johnny Sugar selects- 50 ml bottles of whiskey

Whiskey Wise

One of my favorite things to do – get 6-7 of these for a buck each, down them all as shots in about an hour or so, and catch a nice buzz. 90% chance I do this during the Cup tonight.

6. Old James selects- Two Mickey’s 40s

kicksonfire

Should leave about $5 or so for you to buy a roll of duct tape. If you’ve never tried to take a piss with a giant bottle of hooch strapped to each hand, you’re probably the owner of a GPA way higher than mine.

7. StuScottBooyahs selects- a 1.5 l bottle of Liberty Creek Wine

The Beverage Store

Swirl it in your mouth to taste those not-so-subtle notes of vinegar.

8. Christmas Ape selects- a bottle of Popov vodka

jestdms

Choked down way too much in my younger days despite the fact that I really don’t like vodka.

9. Dave Rappoccio selects- Giving a ride to a rich person

When I want to get drunk for less than 10 bucks I just give Irsay a ride to the liquor store and he covers everything

10. Eric Sollenberger selects- A bottle of Andre, a 211 Steel Reserve and a pint of orange juice.

feelnumb

1 giant mimosa and a brass monkey.

11. Eric Sollenberger selects- 12 pack of bud light

EMG concepts

It ain’t pretty, it ain’t tasty, but it gets the job done.

12. Dave Rappoccio selects- Being skinny

I just make sure to pound back a heavy craft brew or several piss beers while on an empty stomach and I’m out. Being thin and scrawny makes getting drunk nice and cheap.

13. Christmas Ape selects- Yellow tail or having a friend who’s a bartenter

I’ll actually cop to liking their shiraz/grenache blend

SARAH SPRAGUE DELIVERS MORE IMPORTANT ALCOHOL NEWS: In college, Colt .45 came out came out with menthol beer. We thought it would be fun to buy a case for one of our team parties. That was a mistake. It was like drinking malt mouthwash.

paledaddy

14. StuScottBooyahs selects- Aristocrat vodka

Which at 375ml is an astounding $4. Your body will not thank you for your thriftiness.

15. Old James selects- Cactus Jack tequila

Cactus Jack

A culpable party the second time I shaved my head. I honestly don’t remember how much this stuff cost, but I believe the dollar value of a fifth was about the same as the % agave content (roughly “4″).

16. Johnny Sugar selects- 7 24.oz bottles of Genny Cream Ale for $1.19 each at Wegmans.

artsberger

Not sure I could down more than three of these before the taste alone makes me puke, but I’d love to try.

17. RobotsFightingDinosaurs selects- Adding liquor to a thing and then eating that thing.

little blue dog

I was gonna pick just the vodkamelon, which is a classic, but recently, because I am bad at being a contributing member of society, I have been making large bowls of berry jello where I use everclear instead of the cold water, and one time when I was drunk I decided, hey, you know what’s a great idea? Making pasta with a vodka sauce made with like a half bottle of Tito’s.

The best thing about this is that you can use the shittiest, plastic bottle-est liquor you please, and since you’re soaking watermelons in it, or making jello, or pretty much adding it to something that doesn’t taste like snake venom, you won’t even notice.

Related: FUCK vodka gummy bears/worms. They’re chalky and terrible.

18. PFT Commenter selects- Four Loko.

jessreyn

Stocked upon the original formula when Before Obama outlawed it. Best investment of my life

19. Big Sandy selects- Hobo’s blood

wikiart

Hobos are usually drunk. If you kill one and drink his blood, well, then you’ll get drunk off of all the alcohol in their system. Duh.

20. Sarah Sprague selects- $5 drink-ups of Hamm’s

In college, our off-Fordham Road dive bars would do $5 drink-ups of all you could drink Hamm’s for a few hours each night. When I left for college, my dad said to me, “Never drink beer out of a straw.” Those nights, I drank beer out of a straw.

COMPENSATORY PICKS FOR TREVOR MISSING THE DRAFT TO GET MARRIED OR WHATEVER LAME EXCUSE HE HAD:

I live in Canada, so we have to buy all our liquor and beer from the government with a 125% mark up, so there’s no getting drunk for under 10$, in the traditional sense.

Pick one: hairspray.
Buy one can of hairspray. Spray once in standard glass full of tap water. Serves about 400 people. Apparently it’s like the worst vodka you’ve ever tasted.

Pick two:
Hand sanitizer inside anus. Only one tiny drip or else you’ll die or at least be too ankled to enjoy yourself. Feels like being drunk, or so I’m told.

So, you can have lowriders fight each other?

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Polk County Sheriff's Office

We may have officially reached peak Florida, now that a woman named CRYSTAL METHENEY has been arrested for shooting a missile into an occupied vehicle.

Ms. Metheney was arrested last month after violating Florida statute 790.19, which refers to: “Shooting into or throwing deadly missiles into dwellings, public or private buildings, occupied or not occupied; vessels, aircraft, buses, railroad cars, streetcars, or other vehicles.”

Her arrest set up one of the great inmate pages in recent memory:

Polk County Sheriff's Office

To be fair, Crystal didn’t (necessarily) fire a heat-seeking scud into the vehicle, as statute 790.19 uses the non-military definition of “missile.” The statute seeks to nail anyone who “throws any missile or hurls or projects a stone or other hard substance which would produce death or great bodily harm.”

(Polk County Sheriff’s Office; H/T Guyism)

My wife and I got into an argument last night over a dead man. His name was Joseph Robert Wilcox. He was 31 on Sunday, the day he tried to stop cop-killer Jerad Miller in a Las Vegas Walmart and was shot by Miller's wife Amanda. Wilcox was a good guy with a gun. It cost him his life.

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2. 2.
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4. 4.
5. 5.
6. 6. Yes, of course I want Xena in my Game of Thrones kid's book.

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Or a Game of Thrones animated movie, where happy people sing happy songs (that aren’t about rape), baddies get conveniently shoved off buildings, and none of the heroes die gruesome, horrible deaths.

(by Nikolas Ilic, via io9)

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George Will, national treasure, has spent a life championing America's diamond pastime. He wants to make sure that you appreciate our other cherished pastime: "the ambiguities of the hookup culture, this cocktail of hormones." Hang on to your Cracker Jack, gents.

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That’s a whole lotta look.

Facebook: gunsnroses

Cage is wearing a cartoon version of his own meme-ified face. On his shirt. And ... Mardi Gras beads?

Facebook: gunsnroses

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A 16-year-old's summer job at Belmont: "It would quickly become apparent that I was the youngest person working at the racetrack by about 15 years, and if not the only woman, one of very few."

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IMGUR

The nice thing about extras, the mute background actors who fill out scenes and occasionally have a laugh, is they have the same reaction to meeting the stars of our favorite TV shows as we would. They’re all professional like while shooting scenes, but at the wrap parties, when the cameras stop rolling, they break out the big goofy grins around Natalie Dormer and Sophie Turner, because obviously.

Redditor Taranoleion was cast as a Lannister Guard on Game of Thrones this season, and now that his “duties are officially over,” he shared photos from what it was like working in King’s Landing and partying with Joffrey. He was not a good guard, clearly, but he seems like a cool dude.

HBO

The guards actually had their visors open at the wedding, so you can even see my face. Score!

IMGUR

After the PW wrapped up, a bunch of extras took photos together to celebrate.

IMGUR

Waiting for the shoot to start.

HBO

Yes, I was there, I saw it all live.

IMGUR

A cat that randomly walked on set. I’m 100% positive this is Balerion.

IMGUR

It was hilarious, actually. The cat nonchalantly walked across the arena during the fight scene and they had to cut and wait for it to leave.

IMGUR

Jack Gleeson at the party.

IMGUR

She was really nice, helped me find the perfect lighting for the photo.

IMGUR

Pretty cool guy.

IMGUR

So it’s not only Hodor who does the DJ-ing. They had an official DJ at the party, but at one point Loras and Margaery came up with their iPods and started playing their own tracks, which was pretty much fine with everyone.

IMGUR

In this image you can see how nicely I follow the rule of looking as idiotic as humanly possible in a celebrity photo. Meanwhile, she looks sexy as hell.

IMGUR

TBH, I didn’t know at the time how much I would appreciate having this one – I mean, I knew Oberyn would be cool, but never imagined how AWESOME he’d be in the show, as I only saw the fight scene with him. But now, in hindsight, this is the second coolest photo I managed to grab while there. (Not actually sure how the guy behind us affects the the photo’s coolness ratio.)

IMGUR

The coolest photo I managed to grab.

Via Imgur

For some reason, swimsuit designers across the board decided to get really "creative" with bikinis and one-pieces this year. Everything has weird cut-outs or lattice work. Unsurprisingly, they leave nightmare tan lines reminiscent of some sort of grotesque skin condition.

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It's tough to build a great fantasy world without a map—there's a reason why the Game of Thrones credits are basically a Google Earth flyover—and comic book worlds are no exception. While Batman's "Gotham City" has been around since 1940, it wasn't properly mapped until 1998's "No Man's Land" arc. Over at the Smithsonian, there's a great profile of how this design, created by illustrator Eliot Brown, came to be.

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James McAvoy's Patrick Stewart impression has been well-known for years, so when Sir Pat Stew himself asked to hear it, he couldn't say no. He wouldn't do the entire "Space, the final frontier" monologue, unfortunately, but he blew Stewart away with an X-Men line instead.

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YouTube

Mercedes has finally asked the question: What would happen if Mario stopped screwing around and brought a car to World 1-1? And it’s actually pretty funny.

This appears to be part of a larger campaign Mercedes is engaged in over in Japan, or possibly just their response to the real Mario Kart. For example, Mario will get his very own Mercedes kart in Mario Kart 8, the first time a real car has been featured in Nintendo’s karting series. And it also includes this ad, which brings Mario to life. And he’s been lifting, bro.

For a second, we were worried it was Ashton Kutcher under that gigantic nose. While not as horrifying as that CGI Goomba, that would still be emotionally scarring.

Admittedly, this is a little weird. Nintendo has never done anything to quite this scale or degree before. They’ve endorsed products and crossed over a few times, but this just isn’t something the company generally does. It might reflect a desire to make more money, or it could just be that Mercedes had a really compelling pitch.

We just hope this isn’t a prelude to a new live-action Mario movie. We really don’t need Mario Begins.

This is Sabre Norris, who is about to remind you of the absolute giddy joy of finally accomplishing something you've worked your ass off for.

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1. 1.This world's ending will be... swift.
2. 2.The next X-Men flick?
3. 3.And its name was Rattleballs.
4. 4.True Christmas spirit.
5. 5.Sometimes a Viking just needs to take stock.
6. 6.Well that escalated quickly.
7. 7.The password is 1234.
8. 8.There's no joke here, I would totally watch this show.
9. 9.Mr. Smith Goes to Rio
10. 10.Oh, so THAT's what Eurovision is.

Netflix, this isn’t a bug. It’s a feature. Summary Bug is a twitter account that started documenting how their Netflix app would smash up the first four lines of a show or movie’s summary with that last line of the next one. You can check the account for many more, but we’ve collected ten that we thought were particularly good right here.

(via Geekosystem.)

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The queen of DIY is secretly the greatest poet of our time.

Thinkstock / Via Twitter: @MarthaStewart

Think Stock / Twitter: @MarthaStewart

Thinkstock / Twitter: @MarthaStewart

Thinkstock / Twitter: @MarthaStewart

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Apparently, there's a problem with Haribo's sugar-free gummy bears and...well...you'd better read for yourself. None of these reviews are jokes, either — these are all legitimate reviews, and they are STILL the funniest thing I've read in weeks.

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