adamcz

CLAYTON, NC—Emphasizing that the seasonal attractions would be scary and dark, the nation’s younger cousins held a press conference Friday announcing their intention to cry at haunted houses this year.

Spied through the doors, a wee fella on a passing Hammersmith & City Line train by @ohchristopher 

well, okay, i can see how you’d easily be confused. famous chef has reviewed some seriously awful restaurants in his day. at least he managed to keep his clothes on and oops no i spoke too soon

did you know? almost all spectral moans translate into “gosh i hope they like me”

plus! a new chainsawsuit podcast is up! i check in with mikey, but he takes the rock to everyone’s hole because i’ve been busy with a new baby.

The opening line of the chorus states “I never had to knock on wood.” This may mean “I never had to…(knock on wood)” referring to something that the singer has never had to do (i.e. face a huge crisis) and utilizing the superstitious phrase “knock on wood” — said in the hopes that a good thing will continue to occur after it has been acknowledged. Alternatively, it may simply be a statement he has not had to “knock on wood” for good luck, in the face of a challenge.

Following the former interpretation of the first line, the mid-chorus lyrics, “It makes me wonder if I never had to knock on wood” are more easily understood with the insertion of ellipsis and other punctuation, i.e. “it makes me wonder if I…? Never had to… (knock on wood).”

Link (Thanks, Emily T)

via @ajlobster​

The album starts out with one of the rare times you hear of Bert taking a bath.

Link

johnrossbowie:

"Por favor, me llamo Juan. Señor One Dollar es mì padre."

Jealous of this one, John.

Lyrically, “The Bad Touch” is recommended “the most sexualized song of all time”. Even though they only have doggy style and the discovery channel joke. It still has sexual desire in the music video. The song also features a synthesized trumpet.

Link (thanks, funnuraba!)

“let the record show that the witness has… clarified his previous testimony, stating that in fact, he only likes a subset of larger women’s butts.”

“counselor, i have no idea what you’re trying to prove.”

“your honor i’m asking for a little latitude. i call to the stand… my own butt“

thrift store find. looks oddly familiar. #pizzamemorabilia #bootleg

Around 3 minutes 16 seconds in the video, Kelly Rowland can be seen sending text message in the spreadsheet program Microsoft Excel on her Nokia phone.

Link (thanks, bindingaffinity!)

It’s Batman and Robin! Or rather, @RockyJazzpaws and Dexter on the lookout for baddies on the train in London.

Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr, and Jack Haley had to eat their meals in their dressing rooms, as the make-up they wore frightened the other diners in the MGM cafeteria.

The Wizard of Oz (1939)

Big guy’s got a seat. Rottweiler seen by @stablernator on the London Underground.

Dog poking out of a pink spotty shopper trolley. Seen by @Anniemole at Hammersmith Underground Station

New York photographer Sophie Gamand has spent the last four years photographing dogs as part of a larger project to better understand humans. Her latest series, Wet Dog, captures hilarious and awkward photos of small dogs as they are bathed with the help of professional groomer Ruben Santana in the Bronx. Fascinated by the domestication of dogs as one of the first forms of artificial selection, Gamand explores the differences and similarities in animals and humans, making the the distinction that dogs ceased being “animals” long ago as they acquired human attributes and became pets.

The Wet Dog series won first place in the Portraiture category of the 2014 Sony World Photography Awards, and the photos you see here will be included in a book to be published by Grand Central Publishing in the fall of 2015. Prints are available here, and you can also follow Gamand on Instagram. All images courtesy the photographer. (via Feature Shoot)

he settled on “egg-lords.travel”

According to Yahoo!, there are four main selling points of breastaurants: service, food, entertainment, and breasts.^[3][4]

Link

If you forgot to write your mom a Mother’s Day letter, use this template for a last minute quick-fix! (And preorder her my book “SCIENCE…FOR HER!" at Amazon and Barnes & Noble and Indiebound!)

Dear [pet name for “mother”],

It’s me, [your name]. You know, your [numerical ranking]-favorite child. I just want to wish you a[adjective] Mother’s Day. Over the years you have been just like a [family member] to me, and I can’t [verb] [noun] enough.

Over the past [number of years of your age; add one if your mother strongly believes life begins at conception], you have done so much for me. You were in labor with me for [funny number] of hours, and I will always appreciate that, even though [name of least favorite sibling] might not be as appreciative as I am. P.S. I heard [name of least favorite sibling] telling [name of postman or green grocer] that (s)he takes [type of hard drug] all the time. (S)he puts it right in the [name of vein in the human foot]. You were right, [pet name for “mother”], [outdated 70s slang for marijuana] is a gateway drug.

You are so full of love. Your heart is as big as [name of a fat Kardashian]. You taught me all I know about love by being such a good companion to [name of father], [name of mother’s other husband], and [name of mother’s longtime current boyfriend Richard]. Who cares that [name of mom’s boyfriend Richard] was super inappropriate when I was a teen and [past tense verb] me on the [inappropriate body part]. I get it. You needed to have a man like [Richard] around to make you feel protected. His braveness was as huge and voluminous as [name of a fat Kardashian]. Though I hope you understand when I say that I hope he’s locked up in [local prison] for [funny number] years!

You are as patient as a [patient thing]. Like when you sewed my Halloween costume of [sweet 90’s reference] all night. I love when you made us Rice-A-[word that rhymes with “Kony” [“Kony” counts]]!

I always loved seeing you [number of hours in a day]/[number of days in a week], [pet name for “mother”]. There were so many nights that I stayed up for you, wondering where on [funny planet] you were, worried you were bleeding out from your [funny body part], and you came home at [time that a child should be asleep, I had to go to school the next for crissake mom plus I had to pack lunch for [name of least favorite sibling] since you didn’t] and said [quote that your mom said about Richard needing her to bail him out of the local Oregon Jail AGAIN but it’s like mommy I need you too Richard only just came into your life and he has a tattoo of Babar on his neck what the fuck is that about in a grown man, did he kill an elephant???? Or like is he just a pedophile and that’s how he attracts kids, that tattoo]. So I get it. But also [synonym for “fuck,” also you could just pick the word “fuck” to go here, I would!] Richard with a [funny pole or stick]. L.O.[Letter that begins the word “laugh”].!

[Pet name for “mother”], wherever you are, I hope you and [Richard oh man I can barely write his name, I need to call my therapist brb] are happy. In conclusion, you were so much better a mother than [Kris Jenner]. I [verb] you, [pet name for “mother”].

[adverb],

[your name]

 

P.S. [name of least favorite sibling] stole all the copper wire from the walls of the laundry room.

Photographer Romain Laurent (previously here and here) continues to create a new looping animated portrait each week. The photographer began the project as a way to break free from the pressure of commercial work, and we’re glad to see the project is still ongoing. These are some of the best portraits since the new year, but you can see lots more on his Tumblr.

if there was a fourth panel, i could pan out and show you that the booth is in an empty parking lot across the street

it’s a good joke and i’m not ready to be done with it. i think we should all iterate on it for another couple days

Chinese Shop Owner: It’s the Sword of Destiny. Very powerful. Comes with back story.“
GOB: Yeah, I make up my own patter. Just ring it up with the dong tea.

Sword of Destiny - 2x15

submission from Alex Fenczik

This fella’s been spotted hitching a lift up the escalators at Brixton twice! Seen by both Jodie and Jess, Bertie the Border x Paterrdale terrier.