Omarosa Manigault, White House aide and reality show villain, was scheduled to appear on Monday night’s episode of The Daily Show to promote her upcoming Say Yes to the Dress appearance. That sounds like a joke, but doesn’t everything these days if you don’t consider its apocalyptic implications?
Random Headcanon: That Federation vessels in Star Trek seem to experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn’t just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, it’s because the Federation as a culture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles,
tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they
don’t really understand. Endlessly frustrating if you have to fight
them, because they can pull an effectively unlimited number of bullshit
space-magic countermeasures out of their arses - but they’re as likely
as not to give themselves a lethal five-dimensional wedgie in the
process. All those rampant holograms and warp core malfunctions and
accidentally-traveling-back-in-time incidents? That doesn’t actually
happen to anyone else; it’s literally just Federation vessels that go off the rails like that. And they do so on a fairly regular basis.
So to everyone else in the galaxy, all humans are basically Doc Brown.
Aliens who have seen the Back to the Future movies literally don’t realise that Doc Brown is meant to be funny. They’re just like “yes, that is exactly what all human scientists are like in my experience”.
THE ONLY REASON SCOTTY IS CHIEF ENGINEER INSTEAD OF SOMEONE FROM A SPECIES WITH A HIGHER TECHNOLOGICAL APTITUDE IS BECAUSE EVERYONE FROM THOSE SPECIES TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE ENTERPRISE’S ENGINE ROOM AND RAN AWAY SCREAMING
vulcan science academy: why do you need another warp core
humans: we’re going to plug two of them together and see if we go twice as fast
vsa: last time we gave you a warp core you threw it into a sun to see if the sun would go twice as fast
humans: hahaha yeah
humans: it did tho
vsa: IT EXPLODED
humans: it exploded twice as fast
I love this. Especially because of how well it plays with my headcanon that the Federation does so much better against the Borg than anyone else because beating the Borg with military tactics is nigh-impossible, but beating them with wacky superscience shenanigans works as long as they’re unique wacky superscience shenanigans.
Yeah, I love this.
Reminds me of the thing I wrote a while back about Humans in high fantasy realms - they’re basically Team Fuck It Hold My Beer I Got This.
Impulsive, passionate to a fault, the social structures they build to try and regulate this hotheadedness ironically creates even greater levels of sheer bull-headedness. Even their “cooler” heads take action in months or weeks.
All their great heroes of the past were impossibly rash by galactic standards. Humans Just Go With It, which is their great flaw but also their greatest strength.
klingons: okay we don’t get it
vulcan science academy: get what
klingons: you vulcans are a bunch of stuffy prisses but you’re also tougher, stronger, and smarter than humans in every single way
klingons: why do you let them run your federation
vulcan science academy: look
vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores they don’t do experiments on one and save the other for if the first one blows up
vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores, they will ask for a third one, immediately plug all three into each other, punch a hole into an alternate universe where humans subscribe to an even more destructive ideological system, fight everyone in it because they’re offended by that, steal their warp cores, plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what their initial scientific experiment was for and they didn’t want to waste a trip.
vulcan science academy: they did that last week. we have the write-up right here. it’s getting published in about six hundred scientific journals across two hundred different disciplines because of how many established theories their ridiculous little expedition has just called into question. also, they did turn that sun into a torus, and no one actually knows how.
vulcan science academy: this is why we let them do whatever the hell they want.
klingons: …. can we be a part of your federation
Humans: so, uh, funny story
Vulcan Science Academy: Let us guess - you’re not here to return the two warp cores we loaned you for experimentation, and you’re here to tell us that both of them were destroyed at once while you were trying to turn a sun into a torus again
Humans: well, half right
VSA: Wait, what is this
Humans: This is sixteen warp cores
VSA: How is this
Humans: Turns out that at the center of the stellar toroid there was a subspace anomaly that—
VSA: PLEASE don’t
Humans: —caused a refractive tachyon emission that—
VSA: This is literally impossible in every sense of the word
Humans: — depolarized the warp fields and in short—
VSA: Just no
Humans: — the warp fields got cloned and we ended up with four.
VSA: But you brought back sixteen
Humans: We had to repeat the experiment a couple of times to make sure it wasn’t a fluke
Especially when during one of those golf weekends, he hosted a costume party, the theme of which was literally Versailles. This is the kind of shit that if you put it in a novel, your editor would say it was a bit too on the nose.
the quick, rundown list of what lead to the French Revolution: the top 10% of the population owned all of the countries wealth, the nobles refused to pay tax, taxes are raised on the poor instead, the nations budget wasted in pointless wars, and unqualified people meddled in goverment affairs…sounds awfully familiar
Above we have Seanan McGuire's “Wicked Girls” (lyrics), performed in concert by the author along with Michelle “Vixy” Dockrey and Tony Fabris, S.J. “Sooj” Tucker, and Amy McNally.
And below, we have Bob Kanefksy’s truly wicked parody, “Save Yourselves!” (lyrics), performed in circle by Vixy and Tony. Yes, that’s Seanan nearby in the circle, and yes, she’s hearing it for the first time.
Darth Vader, and infact before that, when he was Anakin too, has a distinct sense of humor. He is a master of the dry understatement. “Perhaps you feel you’re being treated unfairly?” “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” “Don’t choke on your aspirations.” “This is where the fun begins” “You will try.”
I wonder if this way of talking, of being formal and minimal in his language is how he was taught to talk as a slave. He was not expected to make big observations or give big opinions. He was expected to take his cruel childhood in his stride.
But then he moves to the temple and is in the company of children who are his age but were never slaves. During his introduction to the dorms the class is told that meals will be made available every eighth of a day and every fifth of a night. Anakin says outloud “How regular.” and all the other kids laugh. Anakin really was marveling at food being regular. All the other children seemed to think it was a joke.
Anakin understood very quickly that he was at risk of being “funny”. He said things the other kids wouldn’t say, and he’d say them in ways they wouldn’t either. He thought it better to be funny on purpose than to have funny assigned to him.
He wasn’t sure which of the things he was saying we’re jokes. He learnt to make a smirk, one his face wasn’t accustomed to; he wasn’t previously allowed to be perceived as arrogant. But the smirk made people think he was being comical. People seemed a lot less stiff around him when they were laughing.
He’s in the military now. His character is criticized as being unproffesional. He is called cocky. Some say he has a disturbed sense of humour. The clone troopers like him. They talk very much like he does. They understand how property is meant to talk.
The War is over. He no longer has a mouth to smirk with. Everyone is ridged. No one laughs. He talks to everyone the way he used to talk to Watto. They all look so small from this angle. They seem afraid that he’s mocking them. Threatening them? He doesn’t know how to make them think he’s joking. He doesn’t know if he’s joking.
“The Senate also inched forward with SB 25 ― a bill that would effectively allow doctors to lie to pregnant women if they detect a fetal anomaly and are concerned their patients might opt for abortion.
But in the Senate chambers on Monday, a group of Texas women were having none of it. The activists arrived decked out in full red robes, an homage to characters in “The Handmaid’s Tale,” Margaret Atwood’s classic (and suddenly distressingly relevant) feminist tome.
The novel tells the story of a dystopian society in which women have no rights and many ― including the book’s protagonist “Offred” - are forced to serve as breeders and wear heavy red robes.
Pictures of the sheroes quickly made the rounds on Twitter with the hashtag #FightBackTX.”
three internet trends i will (regrettably) probably never grow out of:
• typing in a cresCENDO TO EXPRESS EXCITEMENT
• …………..unnecessarily……. long……….. ellipsis’
• puttinfh a typo in eveyr other word to shwo u dont really give a fukc but u actually do
also unnecessary!!!! punctuation marks??????? like…… ??? what is going on here????? i!! am!!! so!!! excited!!!!
and™ totally™ unneeded™ trademark symbols™
personally I enjoy Random Capitalisation to show things are Very Important
can we also talk about starting a sentence and then kind of just
Books bend space and time. One reason the owners of those aforesaid little rambling, poky second-hand bookshops always seem slightly unearthly is that many of them really are, having strayed into this world after taking a wrong turning in their own bookshops in worlds where it is considered commendable business practice to wear carpet slippers all the time and open your shop only when you feel like it. You stray into L-space at your peril. -Terry Pratchett
if you can explain to your children that an immortal man in a red suit who lives in the north pole travels around the entire world on one night every year on a sleigh carried by magical flying deer i think itll be easy enough to tell them two people are in love
Somehow, we have decided that if a person commits a crime and gets caught for it, that person can be abused for any reason, to any length. After all, they "broke the social contract," so it's fine to push them out of our society, by any means necessary. I am, of course, speaking primarily of poor and/or minority people. Rich white criminals we elect president.
Darren Rainey died on June 23, 2012, at the Dade Correctional Institution after he was locked in a shower that was hot enough to boil tea for two hours by prison guards. They will face no charges.
by Rae Paoletta on Gizmodo, shared by Kate Dries to Jezebel
In our eventual feminist utopia, birth control will be available in vending machines, water parks, and even those lip-gloss-and-tampon dispensers in movie theater bathrooms. But unfortunately, obtaining oral contraceptive birth control these days is both expensive and enigmatic, especially if you’re young and/or…
OK, so on the one hand, I'm naturally inclined to be respectful, because my mom was a psychiatric nurse, with a focus on geriatric care, and I've had a lot of exposure. On the other hand, baby boomers are clearly out of control.
i have Strongly Considered doing a version of the time travel fic where Martha and Thomas come to the future instead of the reverse, and while Martha is fun Thomas is A GODDAMN NIGHTMARE by which i mean completely fucking hilarious to anyone who is not his mortified son
“No, no, this can’t be your girlfriend, I thought that was your girlfriend. What did I teach you about picking on people your own size? Look, I’m sure she’s very nice but I want grandkids and if you get her pregnant she’ll be more baby than woman. She’ll die. I’m a doctor. Neither of them are your girlfriend? So is this your boyfriend? I’m not mad, I know I just said I want grandkids but this is the future, right? You can have some test tube babies. Science is amazing. Or you can adopt, I don’t mind adoption. You already adopted? What do you mean, ‘technically’, do I have grandkids or not, help me out here, I went through all the trouble of traveling to the cyberpunk future and so far I’m underwhelmed. Hand me a small child so I can feed him candy and teach him old-timey cusses.”
