
…Urk.
Charles is an HTTP proxy / HTTP monitor / Reverse Proxy that enables a developer to view all of the HTTP and SSL / HTTPS traffic between their machine and the Internet. This includes requests, responses and the HTTP headers (which contain the cookies and caching information).
For Linux, OS X and Windows.
Via @mattb.
"Persecution" or fear of "serious harm" if returned home are among the key words when it comes to nations granting newcomers refugee status under their own laws or international law. The grounds for such potential harm can be religion, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, fear of genital mutilation, violence, torture, and a host of other elements.
Being consumed by rising sea levels at home, however, isn't one of the factors to win refugee status. In a Monday ruling, the New Zealand Supreme Court set aside a refugee application from a man from Kiribati, a tiny Pacific island nation 3,500 miles away from New Zealand that is suffering environmental degradation linked to climate change. The nation of 100,000 people, with some 30 atolls, is suffering from water contamination, flooding, and storm surges. Currently it's only a few meters above sea level.
The former British colony has purchased about 5,000 acres of land in Fiji for crops, and its citizenry may have to relocate altogether if predicted rising sea levels continue. But none of those circumstances were enough for New Zealand to grant Ioane Teitiota, 38, refugee status. Had he won his case, Teitiota, his wife, and family could stay in New Zealand as climate change refugees under what would have been a first-of-its-kind decision for the international community.
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On Tuesday, The Wall Street Journal reported that Audi, BMW, and Daimler “have agreed in principle” to buy Nokia's digital mapping service Here. Apparently, Nokia has been in exclusive negotiations with the three automakers who will buy the entirety of Here for just over $2.71 billion.
A person with knowledge of the deal told the Journal that once the three automakers buy Here, they will “invite other global auto makers to take stakes in the company,” with the aim of running “the service as an open platform for everyone.”
Nokia currently licenses Here data to Samsung and Microsoft, as well as Yahoo Maps, Bing Maps, Amazon Maps, and Garmin GPS devices. (The Journal notes that Here currently works with about 80 percent of auto industry customers as well, beating out Google, which is developing its own high-profile line of autonomous cars, and Dutch mapping service TomTom.) The mapping data is seen as critical to automakers in the coming years, as self-driving cars become licensed for use on city streets.
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Beware, Americans: Italian fashion is coming for your wallet.
At an event in New York yesterday (July 20), Carlo Calenda, Italy’s vice minister of economic development, unveiled a year-long, $21.6-million plan to boost Italian exports to the US, including food but focusing largely on fashion.
Italy will be rolling out media campaigns, promotional events, and partnerships with major US retailers, including Saks Fifth Avenue and Nordstrom, in order to grab a greater share of the US consumer market, which for now anyway is the largest in the world.
“The US market is the one with the biggest potential,” Maurizio Forte, trade commissioner and executive director for the US of the Italian Trade Commission, tells Quartz. “Not only is it the growth we’re having now, but we’re seeing that it will be quite consistent in the next years.”

Forte points out that, while Italian labels are already established on the coasts, in cities such as New York and Miami on the East Coast and Los Angeles on West, they aren’t as present elsewhere. “In central parts of the country, we have tremendous space for growth, for example in Texas, Colorado, and Montana, just to mention some according to research we have,” he says.
Italy is also eager to reach the burgeoning group of young consumers in the US. Millennials in the country earned a combined $1.1 trillion in post-tax income in 2013, according to Euromonitor, and about one-third of Americans are under the age of 25. These shoppers are keenly interested in where and how the products they buy are made. That tag on clothing that says “Made in Italy” already adds prestige (even if a growing number of Italian products come from factories that are Chinese-owned and staffed), and Italy hopes to appeal to them with its tradition of craftsmanship and reputation for exceptional design.
The plan isn’t just intended to increase sales of established Italian brands, though. The “most important goal,” according to Forte, is introducing new labels to the US market.
“We have a lot of medium and small brands with excellent products that are suitable for the American market,” he says, though he didn’t name specific labels. “For them it’s not easy to approach retailers by themselves, so what we’re doing is a kind of outreach for them.”
Those small-to-medium labels have a turnover of roughly $75 million to $110 million already, but need an extra bump to become global successes, Carlo Calenda told WWD (paywall). He offered Brunello Cuccinelli as one example of a brand whose success Italy wants to replicate. The label makes conservative but extremely high-end attire and leather goods carried by luxury retailers around the world.
Currently the US is one of the largest buyers of Italy’s fashion exports, including clothes, footwear, leather goods, and jewelry, as well as textiles and leather hides. In 2014, Italy exported 5.2 billion euros ($5.6 billion) worth of fashion products to the US, an increase of 11% over the previous year.
Italian manufacturers want to capitalize on this uptick. It has been trying to boost its fashion industry for some time, and with the dollar particularly strong (paywall) against the euro these days, giving US consumers a little extra buying power, the time is right.

You only wish you could be this much of a jerk on social media.
Comedians Ben Palmer and Nick Price have taken to Facebook pretending to be a customer service representative who tells off incensed customers of companies like Arby’s, eBay, and Chipotle.
Using the alias “Customer Service,” a generic profile photo of a woman wearing a headset, and the passive-aggressive mantra “Hope that helps,” the two go around to brands’ public pages to blast users with rage, exasperation, and absurd hypotheticals. Their aim is to give release to real customer support reps forced to deal with rude complainers all day, Palmer told Co.Create last week. See some of our favorite exchanges below.





At least one brand has caught on to Price and Palmer, but for now they aren’t showing signs of slowing down.

The giant premium investors are putting on the shares of Facebook has given the social network one of the largest market values in the world.
By overtaking US industrial giant General Electric yesterday, Facebook cracked into then top 10 of the S&P 500, the benchmark US equity index.
The rise is remarkable. Facebook is up 26% so far this year and 46% over the last 12 months. It’s also given Facebook a price-to-trailing earnings ratio of 95. That’s a nosebleed level—fairly valued is traditionally seen around 15 times earnings—that should give tech investors pause. And by tech investors, we mean everybody. Since the top ranks of the S&P 500 index are now crammed with technology outfits, most passive index investors are increasingly exposed to the vicissitudes of tech stocks.
With investor optimism about Facebook so high, any relatively minor deviation from a rocket-charged growth path can send shares plummeting. Facebook is slated to report its next quarterly earnings update on July 29. Hold tight.
Are you missing Stephen Colbert this week, even given his newly launched “Stephen Colbert Has Stephen Colbert’s Daily Lunch With You, Starring Stephen Colbert” series? Then Stephen Colbert has a treat for you, fans of Stephen Colbert. The future Late Show host has launched a new interactive web game, Escape From The Man-Sized Cabinet. In the choose-your-own-adventure-style game, players can wander around the new Late Show offices, hoping—ideally, at least—to eventually be invited into a man-sized cabinet, a piece of furniture that listeners to Colbert’s newish podcast will be familiar with. Once inside the cabinet, gamers face all sorts of perils, from an “Ice Kingdom-type environment” to possible death from “Cabinet Fever,” but, hey, if you’ve got to go, at least you’re already essentially in a coffin.
Teams should already be considering her for openings in the near future.
The San Antonio Spurs made history last season when they hired WNBA great Becky Hammon to be the first full-time assistant coach in the NBA. This summer, Hammon was given the keys to the Spurs' Summer League squads in Utah and Las Vegas. All she did was lead San Antonio to a Summer League title in Vegas.
Hammon's work this summer has garnered high praise from around the league, which brings up the distinct possibility that she could become the first woman to be named an NBA head coach. Hammon recently told USA TODAY Sports' Sam Amick that her ultimate goal is to be a head coach somewhere, and she mentioned the NBA as an option.
Based on her work this summer and under head coach Gregg Popovich for the big club, there's growing evidence that she'd be cut out for the job. Spurs forward Jarrell Eddie praised Hammon, telling Les Carpenter of The Guardian that "she does her job and does it well."
Eddie was impressed by Hammon's ability to be intense without also acting like a screaming lunatic, which helps her command respect and get the most out of her players. Eddie also made it a point to say that Hammon being a woman doesn't change how the players view her as a coach:
"We don't look at it as female or anything, she's the coach and we just listen," Spurs forward Jarrell Eddie said Sunday afternoon.
Former Brooklyn Nets executive Bobby Marks echoed the praise:
I know this is a bold statement. If I was running a team and had a head coaching opening. The first call would be to Becky Hammon.
— Bobby Marks (@BobbyMarks42) July 21, 2015
Hammon is as qualified as any current assistant coach in the NBA. She is paying her dues and working from the bottom up.
— Bobby Marks (@BobbyMarks42) July 21, 2015
Trust me I am not hiring her off wining a summer league championship. Tutored by the best coach in the NBA. Has commanded respect by others.
— Bobby Marks (@BobbyMarks42) July 21, 2015
With only one year as a full-time assistant and a Summer League head coaching gig under her belt, Hammon doesn't have as much experience as other popular coaching candidates. She will likely need to pay her dues for a little longer in the league.
However, Hammon's head coaching qualifications shouldn't be dismissed. There are several men who've been hired as NBA head coaches with less experience. Sure, Steve Kerr, Mark Jackson, Jason Kidd and Derek Fisher were long-time NBA players, but an NBA head coaching gig is a different ballgame and they were all hired with zero prior coaching experience.
Hammon is learning from the best in Popovich, and it showed this summer. Carpenter noted how Hammon consistently made the correct adjustments over the course of the past few weeks. As CBS Sports' Sam Vecenie noted, the Summer Spurs looked a lot like the NBA Spurs, with many of the same offensive sets being executed with high efficiency.
Hammon likely won't be an NBA head coach in the next year. She may not be an NBA head coach in the next few years. But teams should at least start considering her for a head coaching gig based on her body of work both as a Spurs assistant and as the Summer League head coach.
Someday in the near future, a team will take the leap and make her the first woman to become an NBA head coach
SB Nation presents: The Spurs' offseason extends their dynasty

Hovertext: Your hatred for Lex Luthor is etymologically classist.
Just a reminder that BAHFest submissions are still open! We're doing two biology-themed shows (one at MIT and one in San Francisco), as well as a megaproject-themed show in Seattle. Have any horrible, stupid, theories of evolutionary adaptation? Or any ideas for terrible mega science projects? Please check it out!
Ctrl+Shift+j. Refer to the Google doc if that doesn’t work for you. You may see some errors/warnings in the Console, nevermind.$('iframe.twitter-tweet').each(function() { console.log( $(this).contents().find('p.e-entry-title').text() ); }); hit enter.<iframe> tags below. Copy the text and paste it to your Text Editor, replace/delete all occurrences of a weird code at the end of each line, and your done.firehose'a thing bothered me yesterday and it's still bothering me today and so now i want to tell a story.
One Sunday, some former coworkers & I were bored, talking about salaries on the internal social network instance. A spreadsheet was created.
we put our salaries in the sheet, realized that it was created on a public to the world spreadsheet, so I copied it to internal.
I then put a form on it and posted the link to the form and the spreadsheet on my internal social network account. It took off like wildfire
It got reshared all over the place. People started adding pivot tables that did spreadsheet magic that highlighted not great things re: pay.
I did some general housekeeping stuff to the sheet (normalizing the gender field where it could be, exchange rate stuff, that sort of thing)
More reshares. More people adding pay. It became a thing.
I was invited to talk to my manager on Mon or Tues. Higher up people weren't happy. She wasn't happy. Why did I do it?
"Don't you know what could happen?"
Nothing. It's illegal to retaliate against employees for sharing salaries.
"Wellll....
...
..."
Meeting ended. Sheet kept going. People were thanking me for it. They were also sending me peer bonuses.
here's how peer bonuses work @ former co: If you did something good, someone peer bonuses you, you get $150 net in your next paycheck.
An important thing I learned during that time: peer bonuses are rewarded at managers discretion. My manager was rejecting all of them.
Wasn't sure if this would be good for the company. Wanted to see what the outcome was. Mind you once a PB is rejected, that can't be undone.
Meanwhile, one of the other people involved, a white dude (good friend I won't name, he can name himself if he wants), was also getting PBs.
His weren't getting rejected. I told him mine were. He was pissed. Wanted to tell everyone what was happening. I declined.
A smattering of people knew what was going on. Backchannels being what they are at former co. (lol IRC #yallknowwhoyouare), it got around.
Rejecting PBs was so unheard of, ppl didn't know it was possible. There was outrage when they found out. Shock that I wasn't talking abt it.
Meanwhile, spreadsheet still going, getting spread around, pointed questions being thrown at mgmt about sharing salary ranges (hahah no).
Most people agreed that it was A Good Thing. PBs kept rolling in. Rejections kept rolling out.
One PB eventually got approved. Way after everything died down. Because the person worded it in a way that was vary vague.
Any that were outright about the spreadsheet got rejected. 7 total in the end I think?
Higher ups still pissed. Some I used to support as an exec tech would pointedly not interact w/ me anymore. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Before I left, about 5% of former co. had shared their salary on that sheet. People asked for & got equitable pay based on data in the sheet
The world didn't end. Everything didn't go up in flames because salaries got shared. But shit got better for some people.
I explicitly gave ownership of the sheet to someone else before I left so it couldn't be taken over by mgmt when I was gone (can happen).
I am thinking of this because of everyone celebrating the fact that Google put Ida B. Wells in the doodle yesterday.
Ida B. Wells was great. She did stuff to affect change of such a magnitude that if I'm half the woman she was, I'm doing pretty good.
I don't claim to come close, but from time to time, I do stuff that will make things better for people at the expense of the establishment.
I'm a pretty big believer in justice and fairness and will fight for both if necessary.
Fighting for justice & fairness INSIDE Google doesn't go over well. Salary sharing is only 1 example. Blogger porn. Real names. Many others.
Shit WILL hit the fan if you tell a racist (a well documented racist) to go fuck themselves though. In defense of the racist, obvi.
So sure. Rah rah, Google did an Ida B. Wells doodle.
Guaranteed that if Ida Wells were alive & working at Google today, there'd be many private calendar meetings focused on "her future" there.
tl;dr the sharing of one doodle does not a bastion of support for justice and civil disobedience make.'
firehosevia TaOsTeRu StiRaDyLu
firehosemenswear beat










No Matter How Hard You Try, You’ll Never Be As Cool As Pecan The Nut
“Oh and I raise money for local non profit kitty organizations by selling my photo calendars to friends and family each year!”
Photos by ©Pecan The Nut
Pecan’s “Ring My Bell” video HERE
firehoseBoston University
BOSTON—While noting that they match 99 percent of incoming freshmen by compatibility, officials from Boston University’s Office of Residence Life admitted Tuesday that every once in a while they get a kick out of pairing up roommates who will absolutely fucking despise one another. “Most of the time we look at admitted students’ questionnaires on tidiness and study habits to find the most suitable matches, but every so often we let ourselves have a little fun by putting two people together who will make each other’s every moment in the dorm a living nightmare,” said the department’s director, David Zamojski, adding that his staffers can’t help chuckling to themselves whenever they imagine that small handful of students who arrive each year and realize within the first 24 hours that they want nothing more than to get the hell out of their arrangement as soon as ...
image via Dreamscope
Dreamscope is a new web app that warps photos into inceptionist images or other filters inspired by Google’s “Deep Dream” artificial neural network. Users can freely use the web app to create images with one of 16 filters, or register a free account to create higher-resolution images with three additional filters.
Laughing Squid circuit board processed with the Dreamscope “Inceptionist” filter. Original photo by Scott Beale.


Puddles the Clown and Glen Tickle processed with the Dreamscope “Trippy” filter. Original photo by Jason Brown.
via Product Hunt, Ryan Hoover
Given that Gorons are exclusively male as a race (or possibly species) it is unclear how their kind reproduce; there are children and families of Gorons throughout the Legend of Zelda series but how they came about is never fully explained. The most likely solution is through asexual budding, which would also explain the clone-like visual similarity of Gorons; on the other hand they tend to display mammalian traits such as nipples and belly buttons which only adds to the mystery.
WASHINGTON—After securing the 71-year-old to the hoist line of a crane and lifting him high overhead, officials at the Heritage Foundation think tank reportedly lowered retired GOP senator Saxby Chambliss into a giant vat of conservative policy experts Thursday. “Every time a former lawmaker comes through that door, we’ve got to harness him in tight, winch him up over the vat, and set him down nice and gentle in there with all the other guys,” said chairman Thomas Saunders, who shouted to reporters over the deafening chatter of right-leaning former government officials as he rotated his load into position and expertly manipulated a lever to control the legislator turned lobbyist’s descent into the pit. “We must have 100, maybe 200 of ’em down there already. Today’s gonna be busy—we’ve still got a pile of retired financial executives to get through before lunch.” After releasing ...
Construction on The ARK at JFK, a world class privately owned animal care terminal, is currently underway at John F. Kennedy Airport. Developed by Racebrook Capital, the project will live in Cargo Hold 78 at , a 178,000-square-foot building with 14.4 acres of surrounding land, that has been vacant since 2004. Artist renderings depict an indoor doggie pool with a grassy area, an overnight small animal resort provided by Paradise 4 Paws, a generously sized equestrian stable and a working livestock arena. The project is set to be completed in early 2016.
Under a 30-year lease with the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, The ARK at JFK has been conceived as the world’s only privately owned animal terminal and USDA-approved, full-service, 24-hour, airport quarantine facility for import and export of horses, pets, birds and livestock. …In addition, Paradise 4 Paws will bring award-winning service in the form of a 20,000 square foot pet resort with overnight accommodations for cats and dogs, dog daycare, grooming training, and airport parking.
images via The ARK at JFK
via CNN
firehoseall carriers suck forever
Online game streaming services are beginning to pop up all over the place, and they each promise a future in which you can kick your game system and discs to the curb. Just subscribe to their services, they insist, and you'll have instant, anywhere-you-want access to new games running on high-end computers.
As people who've tested the likes of Nvidia Grid, PlayStation Now, and GameFly Streaming can attest to, these services work to some extent—with their fair share of caveats. In particular, the server-to-user structure introduces lag and button-press delays—twitchy-gaming kryptonite, basically—and their game rosters tend to dig back a few years as opposed to being loaded with the coolest new titles.
The game-streaming crowd grew one bigger last Tuesday thanks to an entry from a company we never expected to join the fray: Comcast. They didn't offer some sort of far-off tease, either. Within hours of an announcement, the cable and Internet company's Xfinity Games service debuted, albeit in beta form, for an invite-only slew of its X1 TV customers.
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firehosenever coming out
Star Citizen will "change the way people perceive games for the PC and... breathe new life into space combat games." It was easy to believe the words of Chris Roberts, creator of the Wing Commander series, back in 2012. His ambitious plan to revive the space sim, a genre that had been largely confined to the '90s, was leapt upon a PC audience keen to relive the experiences of their youth. An initial crowdfunding campaign on Star Citizen's site raised $2.6 million (£1.7 million), followed by another $2.1 million (£1.4 million) on Kickstarter.
But that initial enthusiasm has taken a battering of late. Since 2012, the space sim and space combat genres have seen a huge revival. Today, you can play the likes of Elite: Dangerous, and Strike Suit Zero, and soon you'll be able to play Eve: Valkyrie (a launch title for the Oculus Rift), and No Man's Sky. You can play Star Citizen too, of course, but it exists in a very different form—a form that's seemingly no closer to seeing a release date than it was when it was announced back in 2012.
Various parts of the game have been delayed over the years—most recently the first-person shooter portion—but its scope continues to grow. As key members of the development team leave, virtual ships to play in the unfinished game are continuing to be sold, bringing the crowdfunding total up to a frankly amazing $85 million (£55 million) from over 900,000 backers. That's the kind of money that creates behemoths like Borderlands 2, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, and Final Fantasy XIII. Different kinds of games, perhaps, but equally ambitious.
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firehoseyo is it
Hey there. My friend has been putting together these online videos under the "Yoga Lab" banner. He and I used to teach vinyasa at the same studio, and we'd talk a lot about possible variations of poses that are often taught or cued in a pretty rote or canned sort of way. After he moved on, he started putting these videos together, linking pose variations to contemporary contexts -- wrestling, flight deck signalling guys on aircraft carriers, low rider culture, and skateboarding. He's not selling anything here, but he's put a lot of work into the videos and they're worth watching, which is why I'm posting. I'm in the skateboarding video at this link. I've posted this at r/yoga and r/bodyweightfitness as well. If you've been taking yoga classes around Portland in the past three years or so, there's a good chance you'll recognize someone here, or in one of the other videos on the site. Enjoy!
firehoseagain
'As a sovereign confederacy, the Haudenosaunee issues its own passport, and although it’s unrecognized by the U.K., that same passport is allowed for travel to other parts of the world, including other nations in Europe. Most players on the Haudenosaunee Nation Women's Lacrosse don’t have a U.S. or Canadian passport because those are not the primary nations they belong to. Because of the U.K.’s decision, the Haudenosaunee Nation Women's Lacrosse team won’t be able to attend the world tournament.
The Haudenosaunee have been playing lacrosse forever. Their creation story says the game was first played in the spirit world, where it was handed down by the Creator. The game caught the attention of early white settlers and is now played around the world.
This isn’t the first time the Haudenosaunee passport has been rejected for a world championship: the men’s team was turned away from playing in England in 2010.'
The Haudenosaunee, or Iroquois, first introduced lacrosse to white settlers on Turtle Island hundreds of years ago.
firehoseJon Bois is a god
Twitter has a button that will send you an archive of all your old tweets. Never push it.
A while back, Twitter introduced a "request your archive" feature. It is available on the settings page, and you should not click the button unless you want to grind your teeth into cricket flour.
If you've ever looked through decade-old emails you've sent, you can partially grasp the feeling, but only partially. Even all those years ago, you probably had a pretty decent grasp on the basic nuances of email. Twitter, on the other hand, is a profoundly different medium that exploded in popularity very quickly, and it kind of messed us all up.
In lieu of looking through your own shitty tweets, I am offering mine up for tribute. Here is my first tweet of all time. Let's see what you were up to, Jon!
In The Old Days, Pittsburgh Pirates Were Actual Pirates http://sbnation.com/e/920425
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) November 13, 2009
Jon, you're an enormous dipshit.
For the first couple months, my Twitter was nothing more than an auto-tweeting link dump. When I published an article, the system tweeted the headline and link from my account. You can view the story here if you want. In November, a month completely saturated with sports, I decided to post something on a century-old baseball poster on no occasion that nobody had any reason to care about. I didn't even post the poster itself, I tried to tell you to click through to another site to look at it.
This is the most useless piece of content anyone has ever written. And to sell it, I decide it's good enough to just Tweet Out The Headline With Every Word Capitalized and just drop it in front of you like it's a rent check. Good job, Jon! Heh! Write about some sports, share it on Twitter! This'll get people talkin' and get 'em clickin'! Heh! God you're such a goofus.
B-B-B-Bengals And The Jets, As Simulated By Tecmo Super Bowl And Madden 10 http://sbnation.com/e/1005844
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) January 9, 2010
Heh, an Elton John reference ... right on, right on ... cool beans ... gotta, uh, gotta click on that ... good stuff, cool deal ...
I sent out like 50 of these before I ever actually wrote an actual tweet. It's a tweet in the same way the protein bars made out of cockroaches in Snowpiercer were food. The actual post, by the way, was about how I simulated that day's Bengals-Jets playoff game in Madden. I didn't show any of the game or talk about anything that happened in it, I just posted the final score.
This is completely sub-useless for any reader, of course. And at the time, I knew it was sub-useless. Here was the deal: as SB Nation's weekend editor, I ran the entire website by myself on the weekends. There were no other editors, and there were no other writers. I had to write a news update about a golf tournament I wasn't watching, and then write a short op-ed of some kind, and then post an injury update about a player I had never heard of, and then update a post about a coaching search in a sport I knew jack shit about, and then desperately make up some other sports opinion to have. I was one guy doing about six to nine peoples' jobs, and doing a horrible job at all of them.
I did this 12 to 14 hours straight on Saturdays until both my eyelids were twitching; by the end of the day I had written 25 posts and forgotten what most of them were about. I'm not complaining, because you gotta pay your dues and all. This is just a statement of fact. 2009 Weekend SBNation.com was an absolute worthless shitpile that didn't deserve the 76 visitors a day it received, and I am the one responsible. Sorry if you were one of them. We had stuff to figure out.
Anyway, don't let me interrupt you, Jon! Finish this bad boy off with a bang! Leave 'em wantin' more!
Will either of these simulations be anywhere near accurate? Wait and see. In the meantime, stay tuned for more Tecmo/Madden simulations.
Stay tuned for more of you playing madden and then just telling me the final score? GOD JON YOU ARE SUCH A GOD-DAMN TOOL
football is boring and sucky
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) January 11, 2010
pffffffft
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) January 11, 2010
A couple direct replies to friends aside, these were my first actual, non-automatic tweets. I actually remember feeling guilt right after I tweeted them. I was genuinely reflecting on the fact that, I don't know, 250 people were nice enough to follow me, and I was betraying their trust by fooling around with my Twitter account like this. I genuinely thought that.
Elsewhere In Misspelled Superstars: 'LaBron James' http://sbnation.com/e/1073636
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) February 14, 2010
"Elsewhere"? Where else? There isn't a Part One to this, you just decided to kick off a story with "Elsewhere." You are a nitwit.
What's the difference between "it's" and "its"? Give up? So has everyone on the Internet!
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) March 26, 2010
No favorites. No replies. Good. Your mallcoppin' ass deserves to be lonely.
Tiny gadgets are everywhere these days. Smaller TVs, phones, & computers. Seems like the only thing getting bigger...is my credit card bill!
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) March 18, 2010
This one didn't get any favorites or replies either, but I'm still pretty happy with it. Actually, the complete absence of interaction makes this so much more beautiful. I could knock the capital letters off this thing and tweet it out right now. It would get a few favorites and replies, and if you were a stranger who stumbled across it, you'd see those interactions and think, "OK, well, at least this tweet is 'for' somebody out there."
But this tweet just sits here, like a tri-fold "global warming is a hoax" display all the adults are ignoring at a science fair. There is no evidence that anyone ever acknowledged it. This is from a time when I had very few followers, and hadn't really tweeted a lot of silly stuff yet. I don't think people really knew what they were looking at. They probably just thought I was a giant idiot.
If this were anyone other than me, my heart would break. There are few things sadder than a stupid lonely person.
4
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) March 17, 2010
I never even saw this until today. It took me more than five years to notice it. I'm pretty sure it's my only butt-tweet. But hey, I tweeted it at 4:20. And you know what that means! Heh! Bet I was--
wait, that's 4:20 on a wednesday morning
good god jon get your shit together
In my opinion. University of Louisville fields a basketball team that plays against other basketball teams.
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) March 11, 2010
This is the exact sort of thing you tweet when you have absolutely nothing to say but still harbor an overwhelming urge to take up two and a half seconds of everyone's time. That urge is very real, and explains about 30 percent of my tweets to this day.
Around this time I was using a barely-working desktop I had built, and I squinted at an old CRT box monitor all day. The display was so blurred-out and fuzzy that half the time, I honestly couldn't tell whether I had typed a period or a comma. That explains the weird punctuation. As I would later learn, this problem can be avoided if you just stop using punctuation altogether.
Sorry about the brief site issues, everybody. SB Nation is now back in action.
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) March 14, 2010
Building a site from nothing is really hard.
Prior to 2009, SB Nation was a collective of team-specific blogs that had their own unique ecosystems, but the actual main site -- sbnation.com -- was really just a portal to take you to those blogs. We weren't sprouting off from some huge existing publication, and social media wasn't what it is now, so we couldn't pull in a lot of traffic that way. It started from scratch, more or less.
So we all recognized that the first few months were about figuring it the hell out. (SB Nation had a "beta" tag on its logo for the first year.) During my shifts as weekend editor -- which would have made me the boss, were there other people around to be the boss of -- there was this unmistakable sensation that I was working on the Moon. Nobody commented on any post, ever. I'd look over at the real-time traffic data and see that literally 21 people were visiting the site, and only four or five were actually clicking around on it.
Then I'd look back to the recap I was writing of that night's regular-season Hawks-Magic game. I was recapping a game I didn't watch, because there were only so many things I could actually watch. As I painstakingly tried to assemble the box score into some sort of farcical account of the game, I'd know that a) three human beings would see it, and b) I was letting them all down. Both felt bad; the latter felt horrible.
But I kept my head up, because there wasn't really a choice. And I'd tweet things like this
Sorry about the brief site issues, everybody. SB Nation is now back in action.
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) March 14, 2010
to my 77 followers and pretend that any of them gave a shit. Right now, no one does. Nobody, Jon. The good stuff comes later. You don't get to have that stuff yet. Right now, you will sit in your monitor-lit apartment with both its ceiling lights shorted out, hunched over a keyboard with the 7 key missing and a pencil you use to poke the contact whenever you need to type a 7, and you will get to work shoveling dung for nobody.
Oh, and stop capitalizing your tweets, you chucklefuck. Capitalizing on Twitter is like swimming with your shirt tucked in.
firehosevia Bunker.jordan
no Aphrodite only shiba
firehosevia Bunker.jordan

Hovertext: I hear they are going to show a few actual humans at the petting zoo
Only one month left to submit a proposal to speak at one of our shows!
firehosevia Russian Bunker Slordges