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09 Jul 21:52

This Woman Claims She Can Give Blowjobs That Are So Good, They're Fatal

by Monica Heisey

If you haven’t seen Auntie Angel’s grapefruit video, you haven’t been keeping up on your internet. Bad millennial, very bad. No treats for you. Please watch the video above to catch up.

OK, so to start with the obvious: This video is perfect. The technique, which I tried, is messy, and according to my boyfriend, “squelchy, but nice.” But the grapefruit is only one of 50 fellatio techniques taught via Angel’s DVD series or, for the truly lucky, in her classes, which she estimates have reached more than 50,000 people in the ten years she’s been teaching.

Her first viral hit, the 20-minute "Angel’s Fellatio Secrets"—which guarantees male orgasm in five minutes or less—debuted on World Star Hip Hop in February 2013, and has since amassed more than six million views. Angel’s videos achieve a delicate tonal balance—frank and straightforward, her emphasis on the proper terminology and safe sexual practice is reminiscent of school-based proper sex ed, while her sense of humor and outlandish demonstrations have a bachelorette-party vibe. It’s hard to tell if she’d be better followed by a male stripper ready to give you a lap dance or your sixth-grade teacher, there to explain your changing body. The genius of Angel is that she embodies the spirit of both, making sex something to take seriously now so you can take it lightly (or as hard as you want) later.

Auntie Angel, a.k.a. Denise Walker, is 43 years old and based in Chicago, where she works as a sexpert and nail technician. We caught up with her to ask about her blowjob techniques, eight years of army service, and what the deal is with that angry wolverine sound.

All photos courtesy of Auntie Angel

VICE: So where did the grapefruit idea come from? 
Auntie Angel:
Years and years ago, before I even started teaching classes—true story. When I first started doing fellatio, I had no clue what to do, not at all. The guy I was dating wanted it, so I was pretty much learning, like a lot of people learn, from porn. So I was watching these porns trying to figure out what these ladies were doing, and one particular lady had a handful of fruits, and she was just doin’ her thing, and the man seemed to be in heaven. So I ran to the refrigerator to see what we had. There was a lemon, orange, and a grapefruit—true story. I grabbed the orange first. You think of it as sweet, manageable, right? But he was so well-endowed that the orange just exploded. So I cut up the grapefruit, and the way I started stroking it with the grapefruit and sucking it, he was like, “Oh my god, it seems like you’re giving me fellatio and sex at the same time.” He loved it.

I read in a blowjob-tips piece you did with Cosmo that you didn’t give your first blow job until 27. That seems late—what happened there?

To be honest with you, no one had ever asked me to do it, so I thought that was just not a requirement. Either it was something you were into like a fetish or you were married or something. [Laughter] I really was such a square. And then when the guy I was seeing asked me, I was like, “You want me to do what?! That’s what ugly girls do!” I was really in the dark. Then, when I did do it, I really wanted to please him, so I got more in depth with it—more than just the techniques themselves. I wanted to understand it, exactly what he was feeling, what I was doing. I knew there was a method to the art of fellatio.

So you took a kind of academic approach to sucking dick.
Absolutely. And it actually opened up the communication between myself and my man, which I came to realize is the most important thing, because every man and every woman is different. I had to start talking to him and find out what he was into, specifically. And of course men are horrible communicators. They don’t want to articulate anything. They want you to just go down there and figure it out. But eventually he started telling me what he liked or didn’t, and that’s kinda how I structured all the 50 different techniques. 

You make quite a specific sound when you’re doing it. What’s that about?
The sound effect is over-the-top, I know. Me watching porn and talking to ladies, I realized that everyone’s making pretty much the same standard oohs and ahs. I wanted to do something that was so out-of-the-box that he would never forget you until the day he died. He would just keel over and in his last breaths he’d still remember that sound. If he doesn’t like it, you can communicate about it. If he’s not feeling the sound effects, sure, scale it back to the norm or somewhere in between. But don’t start by giving him the same thing he’s always had.


You’ve had a lot of careers in your life. You’re a nail technician still, and I read that you were in the Army?
I was a mechanic for eight years [laughter, shows off elaborate nail art]. One time, in the early 90s, we were having a presentation about sexual health, and the things they were saying, I was sitting there saying like, “OK, I know more than that.” And Angel hadn’t even been born yet, but I took it over, even in the Army. I was teaching the class about safe sex. A lot of the men were saying they hated to use condoms. But I really promote safe sex, especially in the African American community, because HIV rates are really high in our community. Well, I put a condom on my foot in front of the class. I showed them how to roll it on over my foot, and I stuck my foot up in the air and told the men, “Look, if your penis is bigger than my foot, you don’t have to use a condom, but I feel like that’s not the case.” Everyone was like, DID SHE JUST DO THAT? But I wasn't ashamed. I just love sex. It’s a common denominator for everyone. It shouldn’t be a taboo that people are scared to talk about.

So when was Angel “born”?
Ten years ago. I was with a particular guy. I was so excited about things I was doing with him, I started telling my girlfriends, and they were dumbfounded. They were like, “You have to show us.” They started telling their friends, and they told their friends. That’s how Angel was born, out of helping my girlfriends, but it spread like fire. It just went everywhere.

So you’re dating your manager, Jay, yes?
That’s right. It makes it really great because he actually understands, of course, what it is that I’m doing. He’s not just coming in and managing me—he knows it firsthand. His passion for it is like, he wants every man to experience what he’s experiencing.


And I guess you guys try out new techniques together? Is there some kind of sex lab?
The bedroom is the lab, girl. But one of my DVDs—Home Is Where the Heart Is—it’s about not just keeping everything in the bedroom. The bedroom is a sacred place to have fun, but if you live alone or the kids are out, you have the living room, dining room, kitchen, bathroom, hallway, the car, the backyard… there are so many different places that you can have a great sexual relationship. I also have a technique called the Death Technique. And, to be honest, I have had women who have given their men my blowjobs, and the men have passed away.

…mid-blowjob?
Yes. Massive heart attacks. So I do tell women, I am not responsible for the death of your mate. You suck at your own risk!

I have to ask what that technique involves.
It’s basically you add in a vibrator bullet with the perfect blowjob technique, so you’re going down and twisting your whole body, up and down, and then you manipulate the perineum with a vibrator—it takes the technique to a whole new level.

In the Cosmo piece, you also mentioned that you have a history of sexual assault. Do you feel comfortable talking about that?
I’ve been raped twice, by family members. In my book, Angel’s Secrets, I talk about those experiences because I’ve talked to so many women—a lot of women have been molested or raped, and when it comes from your family member, especially, you feel like a victim. And eventually you feel you’ve survived, you’re a survivor, but when it’s in your home you can’t escape it, and you feel isolated. When you do tell someone, they might not want to believe it, you know, your mother doesn’t wanna put your brother in jail, or their husband or whoever, and you feel trapped by that. So I wanted to tell women that you’re not a victim, it’s not your fault, and there are ways of surviving it. You have to forgive the person, and you have to confront the person if they’re still alive. You have to confront them because they live off of your fear. When you’re fearless, they have no more power. And then you need some counseling. There’s nothing wrong with talking to someone to figure out the tools you need to survive and thrive. I tell people to write their story and burn it, because you’ll realize that you are who you are because of your past, and you suppress so many things, but you need to let them out and stop being scared of letting people see who you are. Look: I was raped, and I survived. I still have a good life; I have children; I can find love and a great career. It does not define me. It doesn't have to define anyone.

Did you find it hard to work through those early experiences with assault while sex education and demonstration became such a big part of your life?
After what happened, I was made very aware of my own sexuality, and I reacted by ho-ing around. A lot of times, when people are sexually assaulted they become extremely promiscuous, because then they can control what’s happening to them, sexually. I found that I loved sex when I was in control of it, doing what I wanted to do. I eventually branched out of the promiscuity. I got God in my life, and I turned my love of sex—especially positive, empowered sex—into something I use to help other people. So I flipped what happened to me into something positive, and that’s where Angel came in.

So what’s on the horizon for Angel?
So many things! Me and Jay just interviewed for a TV show Sex Sent Me to the ER. I can’t tell you what happened, but sex did send me there once. We’ve also had a lot of interest from reality shows. It’s very exciting. I never thought what I did would lead to fame or fortune; that was never my intent. I just wanted to help women of every background to be empowered in their sexuality.

Of all your tips and techniques, what would you say is the most important piece of sex advice?
Your mouth can do things your vagina cannot do. Your vagina is amazing, she is so amazing that nine times out of ten, a man you’re having sex with will have an orgasm. That’s how great she is. God made her perfect. Your mouth is different: You have to work at it a bit. But once you have a great vagina—which is already taken care of—as well as great head, that’s when you become a beast. My advice for women is to become a beast.

Thanks for chatting with me!
Suck, suck, suck, girl!

God bless you, Angel.

Follow Monica Heisey on Twitter.

09 Jul 21:42

Humpty Dumpty Statue Has a Great Fall at Oregon Theme Park

by EDW Lynch

In a case of life imitating a nursery rhyme, a Humpty Dumpty statue at the Enchanted Forest Theme Park in Salem, Oregon had a great fall last Saturday and cannot be put back together again. According to the park, two park attendees accidentally toppled Humpty Dumpty while attempting to pose for a photo next to him. The statue was created by artist and Enchanted Forest founder Roger Tofte back in 1970 — the now 84-year-old Tofte says he will try to make another one.

Actual Humpty Dumpty Has Actual Great Fall at Oregon Theme Park

Actual Humpty Dumpty Has Actual Great Fall at Oregon Theme Park

photos via Enchanted Forest Theme Park

via KOIN, Nothing To Do With Arbroath

09 Jul 21:41

Heroic Dog Uses His Jaws to Gently Carry Drowning Baby Bird Safely Back To Shore

by Lori Dorn

A heroic black lab named Jack uses his jaws to gently carry a drowning baby bird to safety, earning great praise from his human in this video posted by Rick Sauer.

via Nothing To Do With Arbroath

09 Jul 17:52

Pornhub Begs Users to Stop Uploading Video of Germany Fucking Brazil

by Jay Hathaway

Pornhub Begs Users to Stop Uploading Video of Germany Fucking Brazil

Germany's 7-1 defeat of Brazil in last night's World Cup semifinal match was so brutal, so extreme, that viewers couldn't resist comparing it to two things: the Holocaust (classy!) and humiliating public sex.

Read more...

09 Jul 17:06

Making a Pump Track

by Sabrina Merlo
pump-track-590Riding a pump track is kind of like riding a roller coaster track. They are really, really fun to ride. And there's a whole scene of makers piling and packing and wetting dirt all for the sake of hours of pedal fun.

Read more on MAKE

09 Jul 03:10

These Adorable Kittens Dancing In Unison Will Make You Say “Awww”

“To the left, to the left.”

A breeder at Triskel Maine Coon cattery in Quebec decided to record a video while moving an object in front of the kittens, and the result is simply adorable.

TriskelVideo / Via youtube.com

STOP. BEING. SO. CUTE!

STOP. BEING. SO. CUTE!

TriskelVideo / Via youtube.com

09 Jul 00:28

A Mesmerizing Stop-Motion Animation Showing Layers of Objects Being Slowly Ground Away With a Sanding Machine

by EDW Lynch

In the mesmerizing stop-motion animation “Verschleif,” a block of wood, a camera, an animal skull, and other objects are slowly ground away, revealing the fascinating interiors of the objects. Artist Laurin Döpfner created the film by painstakingly grinding the objects with an industrial sanding machine, half a millimeter at a time, and photographing after each layer was removed. Döpfner posted the video back in 2010.

Stop Frame Animation of Objects Being Ground Away

Stop Frame Animation of Objects Being Ground Away

GIFs via Colossal

via Colossal

08 Jul 20:56

Florida Traffic Advisory: "Fuck Her Right in the Pussy"

by Jay Hathaway

Florida Traffic Advisory: "Fuck Her Right in the Pussy"

"Fuck Her Right in the Pussy," the fake catchphrase that has tragically mutated into an actual meme , continued its steady march toward world domination this week when it appeared on a hacked traffic sign in Hillsborough County, Fla.

Read more...

08 Jul 00:49

Inside The World of GTA Online's Intense Biker Gangs

by Patricia Hernandez on Kotaku, shared by Matt Hardigree to Jalopnik
Mrdesplaines

ill smoke these fools.

Inside The World of GTA Online's Intense Biker Gangs

Of course people playing GTA Online have formed digital gangs—the "crews" feature, which allows everyone to assign special roles and ranks within a group, is practically built for this. But damn, some people take crews in GTA Online really seriously.

Read more...








07 Jul 22:04

Florida Beachgoer Hilariously Confronts Two Women Stealing His Stuff

by Adam Weinstein
Mrdesplaines

id knock a bitch out...

A Florida man celebrating the Fourth of July with his friends and family on New Smyrna Beach noticed two middle-aged women trying to make off with his tent canopy, beach chairs, boogie boards, and kids' toys. So he confronted them, with a cameraphone, and got an unexpected fireworks show.

Read more...

07 Jul 22:02

A Musicless Version of the Music Video for Elvis Presley’s ‘Blue Suede Shoes’ Dubbed With Odd Guitar & Vocal Sounds

by Justin Page

Mario Wienerroither recently stripped all of the groovy-sounding music out of the music video for “Blue Suede Shoes” by Elvis Presley. He then dubbed over the video with odd guitar and vocal sounds. We’ve previously written about Mario and his ongoing series of musicless music videos.

Here is the original music video for comparison:

07 Jul 22:02

NASCAR Ruins Lord Of The Rings Marathon, Fans Whine Like Mad On Twitter

by Chris Perkins on Jalopnik, shared by Lacey Donohue to Gawker

NASCAR Ruins Lord Of The Rings Marathon, Fans Whine Like Mad On Twitter

The Coke Zero 400 that was supposed to run this past Saturday night was postponed to Sunday morning due to rain, and the broadcast interrupted a Lord Of The Rings marathon on TNT. Irate LOTR fans took to Twitter to voice their disappointment and hilarity ensued.

Read more...

07 Jul 18:58

Man Provides Commentary as Two Squirrels Run Two Separate Obstacle Courses in His Backyard

by EDW Lynch

United Kingdom-based squirrel enthusiast Steve Barley recorded this hilarious video — complete with his play-by-play narration — of two squirrels negotiating his backyard squirrel obstacle courses last year. Back in 2010, Barley posted a video of his “Black Squirrel Assault Course” — he has since expanded the course to three separate courses, each ending in a bird feeder full of food. For more squirrel obstacle course action, see this classic clip posted back in 2007.

via reddit

07 Jul 16:54

This Guy Saved A Black Bear's Life With A Giant Claw And It Was Magnificent

Claw is our master. Claw chooses who will go and who will stay.

youtube.com

youtube.com


View Entire List ›

07 Jul 16:52

Alessandro Lupi's Individually Painted Thread Installation

by Editor@juxtapoz.com (Alex Nicholson)
Alessandro Lupi's Individually Painted Thread Installation
Italian artist Alessandro Lupi individually painted each of plyamide thread with fluorescent paint for his latest series of installations entitled Fluorescent Densities and illuminated them with a black light. 
07 Jul 16:41

A Colorful, Swirling Time-Lapse Video of Different Ice Cream Varieties Melting

by Brian Heater

YouTube user Ilsoo Yang has posted a colorful and strangely compelling compilation featuring different varieties of ice cream melting to the song “All There Is” by Chrome Sparks. The video features sundaes, cones, and ice cream popsicles liquefying at high speeds — followed by some footage of the process in reverse for good measure.

via Mental Floss

07 Jul 16:39

Tiny Black Kitten Does a Mean Impression of a Squeaky Toy Each Time He Is Touched

by Lori Dorn

In this very cute video posted by quarterbaker, a tiny black kitten named Brody does a mean impression of a squeaky toy, intoning a short high pitched mew each time his human touches him.

via Tastefully Offensive

07 Jul 16:29

SYNEK Draft System, A Portable Beer Tap for Use at Home

by Brian Heater

The SYNEK Draft System is a portable beer tap by St. Louis-based market analyst Steve Young that uses a proprietary flexible packaging system to bring a wider array of microbrews to the home. The system is easier and cheaper to fill than standard bottles and growlers, making it possible for smaller breweries to potentially offer more choices to the home market. The company is currently raising funds via a Kickstarter crowdfunding campaign and expects to send the first taps to backers in March 2015.

It’s got the convenience of a Keurig coffee machine, the volume of two growlers, the spirit of a falcon and all the variety you’ve ever wanted.

SYNEK

photo via SYNEK Draft System

Thanks Shelby DeNike!

07 Jul 16:27

Airshow Crowd Dives For Cover As F16 Gets A Bit Too Close

“That was a bit close, wasn’t it?”

Spectators at the Waddington International Air Show, near Lincoln, got closer to the action than they expected at the weekend.

youtube.com

Video footage shows the crowd initially waving at a Turkish F16 fighter jet as it comes in to land.

Video footage shows the crowd initially waving at a Turkish F16 fighter jet as it comes in to land.

youtube.com

youtube.com

However, people soon realise the jet is flying lower than expected and some are seen ducking for cover and running out the way.

However, people soon realise the jet is flying lower than expected and some are seen ducking for cover and running out the way.

youtube.com


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07 Jul 16:25

London Musician Turns CDs Into Playable Analog Records Using 1950s Recording Device

by Brian Heater

CD Records

London musician Aleksander Kolkowski has begun turning digital CDs into analog phonograph records using a Wilcox-Gay Recordette, a 1950s recording device designed to cut grooves into vinyl records. The process scratches off the CD’s optical information, but creates a record that can be played back on a turntable. Kolkowski has used the process to create recordings in a live setting.

It’s transforming a disposable media storage device made for cloned copying into a one-of-a-kind cult object.

77b0c8a77

photos via The Atlantic

via The Atlantic, WFMU

02 Jul 20:54

Clever Lovebird Uses Her Beak to Craft Long Paper Feathers to Attach to Her Short-Tailed Backside

by Lori Dorn

Seemingly unhappy with her short-tailed hind quarters, a very clever lovebird uses her beak to craft long paper tail feathers that she tucks directly into her existing backside feathers in this incredible video from 2011 posted by 10000vxmen .

via reddit, Boing Boing

02 Jul 20:46

Leonard Solomon Performs a Brilliant Rendition of ‘Light Calvary Overture’ On His Homemade Callioforte

by Lori Dorn

Leonard Solomon, a wonderfully inventive musician who plays instruments of his own design, performs a brilliant rendition of Franz von Suppé‘s “Light Calvary Overture” on his homemade Callioforte, with the addition a few horns. We had previously written about Leonard’s Calliforte and his amazing Oomphalapompatronium.


The Oomphalapompatronium

02 Jul 20:28

21 Powerful Photos That Actually Blend Two Time Periods Together

A new app lets you make historical collages using vintage and modern photographs.

Yekaterinburg, Russia. Civil War, 1918.

Timera / Саня Медвежонков / Via timera.com

Senaatintalo, Helsinki. 1915-2014.

Timera / milton / Via timera.com

The KKK walks through Washington, D.C. 1928-2014.

Timera / fnarfnar / Via timera.com


View Entire List ›

02 Jul 01:25

The Ten Dumbest Road Rage Fails Ever Caught On Video

by Máté Petrány on Jalopnik, shared by Lacey Donohue to Gawker
Mrdesplaines

#3 and#1 are great internets...#4 one of the biggest fakes on internets...

The Ten Dumbest Road Rage Fails Ever Caught On Video

It's best to turn yourself into a Vulcan behind the wheel and learn to control your emotions. Otherwise, things could get embarrassing.

Read more...

02 Jul 01:24

Mad Max: Fury Road – First Look

by Poe
Mrdesplaines

actually looks pretty bad ass..

Mad Max: Fury Road   First Look

With actor Tom Hardy taking the lead role as Max Rockatansky, Australian movie director George Miller will jumpstart the Mad Max franchise in 2015. A continuation of the post-apocalyptic storyline that Miller first started some 35 years ago with a very young Mel Gibson, this upcoming fourth installment of the series will also includes model/actress Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Zoe Kravitz, Riley Keough and Nicholas Hoult. Almost unrecognizable, however, will be actress Charlize Theron as Imperator Furiosa, a fearsome tribal chief that fashions a mechanical arm. Featured as this week’s cover story on Entertainment Weekly, the action-packed Mad Max: Fury Road from Village Roadshow Pictures and Warner Bros. will be in theaters on May 15, 2015.



Read the rest of Mad Max: Fury Road – First Look


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Post tags: Charlize Theron, Mad Max, Tom Hardy, Village Roadshow Pictures, Warner Bros.

The post Mad Max: Fury Road – First Look appeared first on Freshness Mag.

02 Jul 01:24

adidas Tech Super W – Mint Toe

by John

adidas Tech Super W   Mint Toe

Completing a potent one-two punch of new adidas Tech Super styles is this “Mint Toe” edition to go along with its “Salmon Toe” sibling. The material execution remains consistent, featuring a mostly suede upper bisected by a black wedge at the quarter panel. That ebony middle portion of the silhouette houses the shoe’s tonal black laces and signature three-stripes, while the complementary blue and aqua panels are mounted on a contrast white midsole. Available in women’s sizes, the adidas Tech Super W “Mint Toe” is in stock now at select adidas retailers, including Afew.

Afew Store
Oststraße 36 | Map
40211 Düsseldorf, Germany



Read the rest of adidas Tech Super W – Mint Toe


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Post tags: adidas

The post adidas Tech Super W – Mint Toe appeared first on Freshness Mag.

01 Jul 20:18

An Abandoned Bangkok Shopping Mall Hides a Fishy Secret

by Christopher Jobson

An Abandoned Bangkok Shopping Mall Hides a Fishy Secret Thailand fish Bangkok
Photo © Jesse Rockwell

An Abandoned Bangkok Shopping Mall Hides a Fishy Secret Thailand fish Bangkok
Photo © Jesse Rockwell

An Abandoned Bangkok Shopping Mall Hides a Fishy Secret Thailand fish Bangkok
Photo © Jesse Rockwell

An Abandoned Bangkok Shopping Mall Hides a Fishy Secret Thailand fish Bangkok
Photo © Jesse Rockwell

An Abandoned Bangkok Shopping Mall Hides a Fishy Secret Thailand fish Bangkok
Photo © Jesse Rockwell

An Abandoned Bangkok Shopping Mall Hides a Fishy Secret Thailand fish Bangkok
Photo © Jesse Rockwell

An Abandoned Bangkok Shopping Mall Hides a Fishy Secret Thailand fish Bangkok
Photo © Jesse Rockwell

In most post-apocalyptic films when the camera pans down the abandoned streets of New York or Tokyo, long after people have disappeared and the buildings have fallen into disrepair, we see nature again thriving. Trees and plants take hold in the sidewalks and wild animals like deer, bears, and lions stalk the ruins left behind by humans. But after descending the staircase at a vacant shopping mall in Bangkok, professional cook and photographer Jesse Rockwell discovered a wholly different take on beasts inheriting the Earth: fish. Specifically exotic koi and catfish, teeming by the thousands in a secret subterranean aquarium. Rockwell shares via his blog:

New World shopping mall, a four storey former shopping mall. Originally constructed as an eleven storey building. It was found to be in breach of old town Bangkok’s four storey limit on building heights. The top seven floors were demolished to adhere to building codes in 1997. In 1999 the mall burned due to suspected arson committed by a competitor in the area. The disaster resulted in several casualties, and the building has remained abandoned ever since. Not having a roof, the basement floor remains under several feet of water year round.

At some point in the early 2000s an unknown person began introducing a small population of exotic Koi and Catfish species. The small population of fish began to thrive and the result is now a self-sustained, and amazingly populated urban aquarium.

What an amazing discovery. It makes you wonder what else lurks in abandoned places around the world? You can see more of Rockwell’s photography over on 500px and on his website, Taste of the Road. (via James Theophane, The Verge)

01 Jul 17:19

Powerful Forestry Mulcher Shreds Through Four-Story-Tall Pine Trees and More in a Matter of Seconds

by Justin Page

The DAH Forestry Mulcher is a beast of a machine by DENIS CIMAF Inc. that’s used for industrial land clearing. In these amazing videos from 2011 and 2012, they demonstrate how the mulcher can shred through four-story-tall pine trees and more in a matter of seconds.

via Vice Motherboard

30 Jun 23:12

Petit Tube, A Site That Plays YouTube Videos With the Fewest Number of Views

by Brian Heater

Petite Tube

Petit Tube is a French site that generates playlists of YouTube videos with the fewest number of previous views and lets users vote on whether they liked them. The concept is similar to the Spotify-based site Forgotify.

image via Dazed

via DesignTAXI, Dazed

30 Jun 22:15

English Soccer Fan Gets Ear Bitten Off, Remains All Smiles

by Tim Ryan
Mrdesplaines

sports!

English Soccer Fan Gets Ear Bitten Off, Remains All Smiles