Shared posts

29 Jul 14:14

Gotham City Asks Batman to Wear Another Mask to Cover the Bottom Half of His Face

by Daniel Williams

It took some doing, Batman, but we’ve finally developed a mask we think you can live with. It’s black, of course, and can take stabs and shotgun blasts, as long as they’re not using slugs. It won’t stop a sniper’s bullet, but neither will your mouth, and that’s all you’ve been using so far. Plus, you’re Batman; stopping people from shooting you in the face is what you’re famous for.

Look, we get it, your lips are a big part of what you do and who you are. When you’re silent, they speak. They’re sexy too, and it’s a shame to cover them, but we’re all making sacrifices. And it’s not as if you don’t have other great features. Have you seen your body?

Damn.

We’d like you to watch this video. We’ve taught an actor to say “I’m Batman” in the same impressive way you like to say it, essentially a communicative cough, which speaks volumes, by the way. We’re huge fans.

You’ll notice that without a mask, moisture particles from your famous statement travel up to twelve feet, easily reaching the faces of downwind criminals.

With the new mask’s help, however, droplets travel only eight inches, though you’ll still have to be careful. We’ve heard that when you introduce yourself to criminals, holding them dangling over the edges of buildings, a scare-tactic we love, you hold their faces six inches from your own. Sometimes even three inches. This is arguably very close. If you could wear the mask and hold criminals nine inches from your face, even ten, that would be impressive! Only the strongest people in the world could pull off that kind of distancing. Imagine when word gets around: “Look out, Gotham. Batman’s shoulders are way stronger than we thought!”

As an aside, do you have to say “I’m Batman” to every criminal you meet? Most of them know who you are. We have a hunch that they all know. Try this: if a criminal doesn’t ask, “Who are you?” then don’t say, “I’m Batman.” Just see what happens. We’re guessing no one’s going to mistake you for someone else. You’re recognizable, almost to a fault. We stress “almost,” because you, The Dark Knight, are faultless.

You hate criminal activity, right? Sorry, stupid question, but did you know viruses are like criminals that live in your body? This is hard to prove because they’re small and hard to see, but you’re also hard to see, and are you real? Batman, you’re three times as real as anyone we’ve ever met. So, please consider the reality of viruses.

Listen, this isn’t us telling you how to do your job, and we’re not asking you to leave. Are you kidding? We couldn’t deal with Jokers and Catwomen and Penguins without you. Forget about it. We’re not even sure these psychos would be here without you. See? You’ve made Gotham a very creative place! But it’s nothing you can’t handle. You’re dangerous, and we’re grateful.

The trouble is, with COVID-19 in town, you’re dangerous to more than criminals. Check out this chart. In areas of heavy Batman activity, “Bat-tivity” as you call it, the number of COVID cases spikes. We’re not suggesting that you’re sick. That’s impossible. It’s just that somehow, wherever you go with your uncovered mouth and your cowl’s nostril-holes, good citizens are getting sick, to the point that the Gotham Gazette has started calling us “Cougham City.”

Remember when Arkham Asylum used to be filled with maniacal laughter? Guess what it’s filled with now? At-risk patients. The Joker, after his dip in acid, is one of these patients, and since you dipped him (great move, by the way), isn’t he kind of your responsibility? All we’re saying is, we love that you’re the judge and jury. We’re just not sure you want to be the executioner.

Also, do you live with people? We suspect not, but still, it’s an important question. If you do, please think about your loved ones. Are any of them 65 years or older? If so, an N95 on your face would be a love letter to them, a love letter that’s like you: beautiful and bulletproof and good at stopping even the smallest, most invisible criminals.

Listen, if you’re worried about looking weak in a mask, consider Bane. He’s a killer and we hate his guts, but he’s got the right idea about COVID-19 and no one thinks of him as weak. That guy wears a mask and breaks people’s backs. Not your back, of course. We believe you: you kicked so hard that time, you broke your own back.

Also, since when does the Caped Crusader care what people think? Anyone who wears that much eye makeup couldn’t care less what people think.

And, Batman, don’t take this the wrong way, but Bane isn’t alone. Many villains are doing their best to fight the pandemic.

Check it out:

  • Scarecrow: mask
  • Jason Todd: mask
  • David Cain: mask
  • Deathstroke: mask
  • Deadshot: mask
  • Killer Moth: mask
  • Court of Owls: masks all around
  • KGBeast: mask
  • Ratcatcher: mask
  • Lock-Up: mask
  • Phantasm: mask
  • Monk: mask
  • Firebug: mask
  • Firefly: mask
  • Fright: mask
  • Black Mask: mask!
  • Mr. Freeze: full helmet!!!

If these losers can wear masks and kick butt at work, imagine all the butt you could kick. You’d kick it all. There’d be no butt left to kick.

Lastly, no one’s blaming you. You’re not responsible for all bats. The sick ones are weak and filthy. You’re not. They never wear masks, but you could.

Batman, be the hero Gotham deserves, the hero we need right now.

All this to say, we love you. You’re God to us.

Wear the mask?

29 Jul 10:38

Bringing Mars back to Earth

An audacious mission to bring rock samples from Mars back to Earth is about to begin - find out more with our illustrated guide
29 Jul 09:41

It's okay to not thrive during all... this.

29 Jul 03:53

Trump quickly ended his coronavirus briefing after praising a doctor who thinks alien DNA is used in medicine

by Peter Marsh

A doctor praised by Donald Trump after featuring in a viral video on Wednesday has previously claimed that DNA from aliens is being used in medicine and the US Government is run by "half-human" people with a "reptilian spirit".

29 Jul 03:38

This Silicon Valley-based lender sued thousands of Texans during the pandemic. It stopped when we started asking questions.

by Kiah Collier and Ren Larson, The Texas Tribune and ProPublica
Oportun, which has a location in north Austin, announced Tuesday that it would drop all the lawsuits it has filed against borrowers who fell behind on payments, including during the pandemic.
Oportun, which has a location in north Austin, announced Tuesday that it would drop all the lawsuits it has filed against borrowers who fell behind on payments, including during the pandemic. Allie Goulding/The Texas Tribune

This article is co-published with ProPublica, a nonprofit newsroom that investigates abuses of power. Sign up for ProPublica’s Big Story newsletter to receive stories like this one in your inbox as soon as they are published.

A Silicon Valley-based installment lender that caters to Latino immigrants announced on Tuesday that it would drop all the lawsuits it has filed against borrowers who fell behind on payments, including during the coronavirus pandemic.

Oportun Inc. also said it would cap interest rates on new loans at 36% — a percentage that consumer advocates consider the gold standard for smaller personal loans.

The announcement came after ProPublica and The Texas Tribune began asking questions about the company’s lending and debt collection practices in Texas, one of 12 states in which it operates. That reporting has included interviews with individuals whom Oportun sued in small claims courts across the state, as well as numerous consumer advocates.

The company didn’t say on Tuesday exactly how many pending lawsuits it would drop in Texas and other states, but confirmed that “several thousand cases” would be impacted. Court records show that it has filed thousands of debt claims in Texas this year alone and tens of thousands since 2016.

“Recently, a few consumer advocates and journalists have asked us about the APRs (annual percentage rates) we charge some of our customers as well as the scale of our legal collections,” Oportun CEO Raul Vazquez wrote in a blog post on Tuesday.

“We have always designed our products and practices to benefit our customers, so we asked ourselves how we can better serve our customers, especially in the current environment, while keeping our commitments to other stakeholders,” Vazquez wrote. “After extensive discussions and with enthusiastic support from our leadership team and Board, we have decided that we can do better and I’m writing today to share how we intend to do that on a permanent basis.”

In addition to dropping all pending lawsuits, Vazquez said the company would limit debt collection activity now and in the future with a temporary moratorium on new debt lawsuits — it did not indicate for how long — and the reduction of its current filing rate by more than 60%.

While the company has filed suits related to fewer than 6% of its loans in recent years, Vazquez acknowledged it had still become the largest filer of debt claims in both California and Texas.

“This is a position that does not reflect our objectives as a mission-driven company,” he wrote.

In a statement to ProPublica and The Tribune, the company said: “We did not and will not file cases or pursue judgements for customers who informed us that they were impacted by COVID-19.”

The other major change Vazquez announced Tuesday is an “all-in” interest rate cap of 36%, a policy he said would be completely implemented by mid-August.

Some consumer advocates believe that size APR is still too high, but it is considered a gold standard ceiling for the kind of smaller installment loans that Oportun offers, which range from $300 to $10,000.

“While the average APR for our business today is about 34%, the APRs can exceed 36% for some customers, often because the size of the loan is small and the term is fairly short (less than 12 months),” Vazquez said.

Consumer advocates and attorneys praised the move, with some caveats, and said they hoped it would inspire other installment lenders, subprime and otherwise, to follow suit and possibly generate momentum for a nationwide interest rate cap.

“Oportun did the right thing by reducing their rates to 36% without any trick or trap fees, and by dismissing all of their debt collection lawsuits and pledging to work with distressed borrowers. Other lenders should follow their lead,” said Lauren Saunders, associate director of the National Consumer Law Center, who noted that 36% is already the maximum allowable interest rate for active military service members.

Ann Baddour of Texas Appleseed, a nonprofit that advocates for low-income Texans, said the rate cap “is particularly positive for residents of Texas, where some consumer loans can average 500% interest or higher.” The planned changes to debt collection practices are welcome too, but Baddour noted that Oportun would still have been a top filer of debt claims in Harris County, home to Houston, this year even if it had filed 60% fewer cases.

Attorney and professor Mary Spector, who directs the civil and consumer law clinic at Southern Methodist University’s Dedman School of Law, said: “Maybe this is a bright spot during the pandemic and, if we’re lucky, other lenders will follow suit.”

Disclosure: Texas Appleseed and Southern Methodist University have been financial supporters of The Texas Tribune, a nonprofit, nonpartisan news organization that is funded in part by donations from members, foundations and corporate sponsors. Financial supporters play no role in the Tribune’s journalism. Find a complete list of them here.

29 Jul 03:36

Minneapolis Police Reportedly Identify Viral 'Umbrella Man' As White Supremacist

by Rachel Treisman
An Auto Zone store was among the Minneapolis buildings looted and damaged on May 27 during the protests against police violence. Police investigators reportedly have a suspect in the vandalism that preceded the burning of the store.

Police wrote in an affidavit that the man is a member of Hell's Angels and specifically sought to incite violence in the aftermath of George Floyd's death, according to local media reports.

(Image credit: Stephen Maturen/Getty Images)

29 Jul 01:12

How to Save Your University From Bankruptcy During the COVID-19 Pandemic

by Katherine L. Bryant

Try making coffee at home, rather than building a Starbucks wing off the campus library.

You don’t need spin class at the high-tech gymnatorium for a high-intensity workout. Try walking a mile in an adjunct’s shoes, while pushing a cart filled with books and projector equipment instead.

Now that you’ve found a more cost-effective way to workout, close the physical fitness center and auction off the property.

While you’re at it, fire a head sports coach and save several million dollars a year.

Fire one of your deans and save $300K a year.

Fire another dean.

Fire another dean.

Fire another dean.

Fire another dean.

Fire another dean.

Fire another dean.

Now you’ve saved 10 million dollars, which is roughly equivalent to 300 students’ tuition.

Keep firing deans as needed. Remember, each dean survives off of 10 undergraduate tuitions. For every 10 enrollment deferments, fire one dean.

Worried that the inevitable deaths of faculty, staff, and students might impact the university’s image, lowering enrollment numbers for years to come? Then don’t fucking reopen this fall, you necropolitical meatballs.

28 Jul 22:18

Conservative think tank leader says schools should reopen since most Texans dying from COVID-19 are elderly or Hispanic

by Alex Samuels
Vance Ginn is chief economist at the Texas Public Policy Foundation.
Vance Ginn is chief economist at the Texas Public Policy Foundation. Texas Public Policy Foundation

Need to stay updated on coronavirus news in Texas? Our evening roundup will help you stay on top of the days latest updates. Sign up here.

Vance Ginn, the chief economist for the Texas Public Policy Foundation, is facing fierce backlash for a recent racist tweet that said schools should open since most of the people dying from the coronavirus in Texas are elderly or Hispanic.

Before Monday, the state’s racial and ethnic breakdown of deaths had large gaps, with up to 18% of deaths last month recorded as “unknown.” A revised count of the data released Monday by the Department of State Health Services, however, shows that Hispanic Texans are overrepresented in the state’s updated fatality count.

Citing the revised data, Ginn tweeted that the people most likely to perish from the deadly virus are people older than 50 and Hispanics, whose death rate increased from 24.8% on May 27 to 47.4% on July 27. Hispanics make up about 40% of the state’s population.

Meanwhile, about 180 deaths, or 3% of the total, occurred among Texans younger than 40. About 2,000 people who died were 80 or older, making up the largest age bracket of COVID-19 deaths.

“Why not #openschools, end universal mandates, target vulnerable & check those from #Mexico?” Ginn wrote in a since-deleted tweet. He juxtaposed his tweet with a GIF of Prince Harry of Wales miming a mic drop.

He later apologized for tweeting the GIF. “It’s been brought to my attention that the gif may have been perceived as insensitive. I apologize as that was not my intention,” he tweeted.

In an interview with The Texas Tribune, Ginn said the intention of his Twitter thread was to outline the more thorough data provided by the state. He also said his tweet with the GIF was “woefully taken out of context out of bad faith.”

“What we’re really focused in on is, ‘How can we best make sure that Texans are taken care of during this time?’” he said. Given the revised data that shows demographic breakdowns, he questioned whether state and local officials should take a more “targeted approach” to combatting the virus, rather than passing blanket policies.

Ginn later removed the tweet and apologized. “I believe strongly based on my deep faith that every life is precious,” he wrote. “My intent was to highlight the positive development of more data available to make better policy decisions and help the vulnerable.”

Almost 53% of public school students were Hispanic in 2018-19 and more than 60% are economically disadvantaged, according to Texas Education Agency data. Public health experts have said schools that reopen in areas with high and fast-rising rates of community spread are likely to exacerbate the effects of the virus. That means staff and students could bring the virus home to their families.

“This is my grandfather Albert. He was an Hispanic citizen of the U.S. & passed from #Covid,” tweeted former state Rep. Jason Villalba, R-Dallas. “His grandchildren (born in Dallas) lived with him and also got #Covid. They survived. W/ great respect, the death of elderly Hispanics does not necessarily make the schools safe to open.”

Ginn, who previously served in the White House under President Donald Trump's administration as associate director for economic policy at the Office of Management and Budget, also served as senior economist for the think tank.

While children may not be the most vulnerable to contracting the virus, fear of community spread has prompted some large school districts to delay the start of the fall semester for in-person instruction.

In mid-July, Texas education officials said school districts could delay on-campus instructions for at least four weeks and ask for waivers to continue remote instruction for up to four additional weeks in areas hard hit by the coronavirus pandemic. During that time, districts must educate at least a small percentage of students in person and give the state information on what public health conditions would allow them to bring more kids into classrooms.

In recent months, the Republican Party has faced criticisms for appearing to prioritize the economy over public health, while research shows that COVID-19 disproportionally affects Black and Hispanic people.

Gov. Greg Abbott, too, has faced pushback from Democrats on his coronavirus response efforts. Although he implemented a statewide mask mandate earlier this summer, he’s been chided for a speedy phased reopening of the economy to which public health experts attribute a record number of coronavirus deaths in the state.

Aliyya Swaby contributed to this report.

Correction: An earlier version of the headline on this story referred to the Texas Public Policy Foundation as a GOP think tank. The conservative foundation is nonpartisan.

Disclosure: Texas Public Policy Foundation has been a financial supporter of The Texas Tribune, a nonprofit, nonpartisan news organization that is funded in part by donations from members, foundations and corporate sponsors. Financial supporters play no role in the Tribune's journalism. Find a complete list of them here.

28 Jul 22:03

HOLOGRAPHIC SPACE LOVE STORY!

by noreply@blogger.com (JerryMaguire)
28 Jul 22:03

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Women

by tech@thehiveworks.com


Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
The revised second edition includes some scribbled notes about emotional availability and a 20% larger cheese.


Today's News:
28 Jul 05:05

Faraday Tour

I asked them if it was safe to be running tours during the pandemic. They said, "During the what?"
28 Jul 02:23

Comic for 2020.07.27

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic
28 Jul 02:22

Notes

by Cassandra Calin

28 Jul 02:21

CAPITALISM IS A PRISON: THE MUSICAL!

by noreply@blogger.com (JerryMaguire)
28 Jul 02:21

Movie

by Reza
28 Jul 02:20

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Buffon

by tech@thehiveworks.com


Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
You know social scientists like physicists and applied mathematicians.


Today's News:
28 Jul 01:15

This San Antonio Bakery Will Ship Pastries to Your Door—Wherever You Live in Texas

by José R. Ralat
la-panaderia-shipping-package-1Most of the boxes that show up on my porch are surprise packages containing home-related items my wife purchases for her remodeling projects. (Sorry, Alma.) I buy books and taco-culture tchotchkes. Sometimes, food is nestled in those boxes. As was the case one day, when a box from San Antonio’s La Panadería was resting behind one of my porch columns. That package was stuffed with a cooled red bakery box bearing the bakery’s logo—a person riding a bike with a basket of pastries on his head—and reheating instructions. Inside was treasure: a dozen individually wrapped, sugar-dusted empanadas. The flaky, fruit jelly–filled triangular hand pies are part of a dizzying range of Mexican breakfast pastries known as pan dulces. There were sweet strawberry empanadas, tart apple…View Original Post

The post This San Antonio Bakery Will Ship Pastries to Your Door—Wherever You Live in Texas appeared first on Texas Monthly.

27 Jul 11:35

Always the Last to Know

this is a diesel sweeties comic strip

The kitten has some big news!!

You can email me for *free* (for now)

27 Jul 04:49

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Cantor

by tech@thehiveworks.com


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Hovertext:
Later, she goes maaaaaaaaad.


Today's News:
26 Jul 01:37

Hollywood, Texas: Vanilla Ice to Stop, Collaborate on Movie About His Dallas Years

by Sean O'Neal
hollywood-tx-dave-franco-vanilla-ice-1The Texas roots of rapper Vanilla Ice are often overlooked, if not willfully ignored—no more so than by Vanilla himself. The man born Robert Van Winkle grew up here, in the milquetoast Dallas ’burbs of Carrollton, although if one were to read his (mostly ghostwritten) 1991 autobiography, Ice by Ice—or any of the interviews that surrounded the meteoric rise of “Ice Ice Baby”—you’d come away with the repeatedly flogged misconception that he spent his youth running wild on the rough-and-tumble streets of Miami, where legend has it the gunshots ring out like bells. He does devote some of Ice by Ice to discussing his teen days getting in trouble along Dallas’s Forest Lane (“Just ask any of the cops there,” Ice doth protest). But for…View Original Post

The post Hollywood, Texas: Vanilla Ice to Stop, Collaborate on Movie About His Dallas Years appeared first on Texas Monthly.

26 Jul 01:33

Texas’s Oldest Lesbian Bar Faces Its Latest Challenge: Surviving the Pandemic

by Zoe Hammel and Trey Strange
sue-ellens-dallas-interiorOn a Thursday night in December, well before the coronavirus pandemic had reached the United States, two to three hundred women were gathered at Sue Ellen’s, a remnant of Dallas’s once-bustling lesbian nightlife. As one regular put it, “Chick Happy Hour” is a roving monthly congregation of the city’s lesbian socialites who gather the first week of every month, each time at a different bar. On this particular night, patrons passed from room to room in the two-story bar, flirting with one another as they made their way to the downstairs counter, sometimes ordering two drinks at a time. The place was so packed, someone could practically sober up before even making it back to their seat.  Dee Pennington, the creator of “Chick Happy Hour,”…View Original Post

The post Texas’s Oldest Lesbian Bar Faces Its Latest Challenge: Surviving the Pandemic appeared first on Texas Monthly.

26 Jul 01:17

Visitors

by Lunarbaboon
26 Jul 01:16

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Meat

by tech@thehiveworks.com


Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
Later the robot joins another robot at a bar to talk about how all humans are crazy, but you just can't live without'em.


Today's News:
26 Jul 01:15

Case

by Sarah Andersen

25 Jul 14:46

Comic for 2020.07.24

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic
25 Jul 14:41

Comic for 2020.07.25

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic
25 Jul 14:38

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - See Yourself

by tech@thehiveworks.com


Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
That company really should've spent more time on their logo.


Today's News:
25 Jul 14:37

I should probably switch to iced coffee for the summer.

25 Jul 14:36

Asterisk Corrections

I like trying to make it as hard as possible. "I'd love to meet up, maybe in a few days? Next week is looking pretty empty. *witchcraft"
24 Jul 01:51

In Houston, we are lowering our expectations for the Gulf depression

by Eric Berger

Houston has about two more months to go, in terms of prime time, for the 2020 Atlantic Hurricane Season. As long time readers of this site will know, the odds of Texas being hit by a hurricane after September 24th, are quite low. By all appearances, the next two months in the tropics will be quite busy, with the Atlantic’s Main Development Region already starting to heat up. So we are going to have plenty of systems to monitor. To survive this period of anxiety, therefore, we should prioritize which tropical systems are worth worrying about.

And we’re here to tell you, Houston, Tropical Depression Eight does not have the look of something we think the greater Houston area should worry too much about. The usual disclaimers apply, of course. This is the tropics. Things change. But at this point we’re trending toward moderate to minimal effects.

(Space City Weather)

To that end we’re lowering the entire metro area to a Stage 1 flood alert on our flood scale, bringing the coastal areas (previously Stage 2) into alignment with the rest of the area. Generally, we think most of the Houston area will see 1 to 4 inches of rainfall this weekend. The coast may see some blips above 5 inches, but over the course of a couple of days this should be manageable.

The biggest area of concern, in terms of rainfall, now appears to be an area from Matagorda Bay south to Corpus Christi, or Port Mansfield. We think there may be some bullseyes of 10+ inches in these areas. The depression, which may be on the verge of becoming Tropical Storm Hanna, is simply moving westward fast enough that it will hopefully limit long periods of heavy rainfall. We anticipate a landfall on Saturday morning, somewhere between Corpus Christi and Brownsville. Most of the strongest winds will be to the north of the landfalling location.

The 12z European model shows a landfalling storm at around sunrise on Saturday. (Weather Bell)

We will of course continue to track this depression, and if our forecast thinking changes we will update post haste. For now, however, you can expect a gray and wet weekend, but likely one without widespread street flooding, or worse.